What to do if you don’t want to live - tips that will help

I don't want anything. Just sleep. Weakness, and I gave up long ago. Constant thoughts in the head or a complete vacuum. What good am I in this world if I can’t even do anything with myself? Anyone who is familiar with the state of hopelessness, when there is absolutely no strength to live, will understand.

It's difficult to explain why it's bad. I want to get out of this quagmire by any means. Or end it all, I don’t have the strength to suffer...

Sleep saves you, you forget there from problems and pain. You're lucky if you don't have insomnia. And in the morning... it’s unbearably difficult to drag yourself out of bed. You live as if you are serving a sentence in this body. For what?..

I don't want anything, I've lost interest in life

Why might you want to die?

Even if you believe that such a condition arose without any particular reason, this cannot be - there is most likely a reason, but you are trying to ignore it or simply are not aware of it. In the first case, it may be stress that you experienced some period ago: parting with a loved one, changing your occupation, illness (your own or a close relative’s), some kind of conflict.

In the second case, we can talk about illness. Visit an endocrinologist - problems with the thyroid gland can cause apathy and prolonged depression, and these troubles are often solved with a fairly simple treatment method.

If there are good reasons for this - what to do?

It is important to understand that almost any problem can be solved. Of course, there is something that cannot be solved, and, perhaps, this is only the death of a loved one. The pain of loss, unfortunately, can only be healed with time - everything else can be corrected.

Debts

If you have debts, find an additional source of income. You may have to change jobs or take on additional responsibilities. Also, in many cases, a consultation with a lawyer will be useful - he can advise you on how to get out of this situation. It is possible that debt restructuring will help you.

Disease

It is important to realize that millions of people learn every day that they are suffering from some kind of illness. This is not a reason to give up! Start the fight for your health, read on the Internet stories similar to yours that ended positively, and understand that in your case, with due persistence, everything will end well. Consult your doctor, and under no circumstances settle on the opinion of one specialist - listen to different doctors. Make a plan to combat the disease and strictly adhere to it. Subsequently, this story will make you more attentive to your health and better “understand” your body.

Non-reciprocal love

Almost always, people who have experienced unreciprocated love and suffer because of their unrequited feelings subsequently realize that they wasted their time devoted to suffering. If a person doesn't love you, you need to do everything possible to cut him out of your life! Moreover, your main task now is to make sure that your life is bright and interesting without an object of sympathy. By filling your everyday life with interesting events and new positive impressions, you simply won’t leave yourself time to think about unrequited love.

Subsequently, you will certainly meet a person with whom your feelings will be mutual, even if now you don’t need anyone else. Then you will regret the time spent thinking about failed love. Believe me, one day you will understand that this development of the situation was only for the better.

Feelings of inferiority. I don't see any point in living anymore.

Hello Elsa! It’s very good that you wrote here, we will definitely try to figure it out together with you and take some steps to alleviate your condition. It’s difficult for you now, you don’t see the meaning of life, you don’t understand why everything is happening exactly the way it is and to you. First, “I can’t do anything, I have no talents and no desire to do anything at all...” - this does not happen. In any case, you have abilities, perhaps which you have not yet discovered. It’s a pity that now you haven’t written what you’ve tried to do. Regarding your studies: “How did you choose your specialty? Was this a conscious choice? In order to make the right choice, it is necessary to carry out career guidance work, that is, consider professions, pros and cons. There are tests on this topic on the Internet. If you like the profession, then you need to understand further. What negative thoughts did you have? What contributed to the stress?

“As a result, already in the 2nd semester I stopped doing anything at all, because... I feel like I'm "burnt out." I just sat at home and slept most of the day." - this is exactly the reason to contact a psychiatrist in my opinion, especially if this lasted at least two weeks. Prescribing medications to stabilize your condition and working with a psychologist in person, that’s what you needed at that time, and I think what you need now.

“I told my mother about this and told about my problems, but she said that I was making it all up... In the end, she forbade me to go to the doctors.” What do you mean banned? You are 20 years old, it seems to me that you can already make independent decisions. At such a difficult moment, the support of loved ones is very necessary, but since you did not receive it in your family, you could get it from a psychologist.

“Besides, other people have much worse problems and I shouldn’t have such diseases” is a very erroneous statement, because each person perceives life situations individually, and what for one is a disaster, for another, just another stage that needs pass the.

"I don't see myself having a future." What kind of future do you want? If you cannot answer this question now, then you need to simplify the task for yourself. Try to understand what you would like this month? This week? Tomorrow? Today? Start with small things. Getting out of bed in the morning and washing your face is already good. Open the window, check the weather, another plus. Don't look for meaning, set small goals for yourself, achieve them. Maybe you should take a sabbatical and get your mental health in order, and then continue again.

“I have a brother who achieved more in 9 years than I did in 20.” We are all different and do not reach the same heights. For some it’s pie in the sky, for others it’s a bird in the hand.

“I no longer understand whether I need help or am I still trying to justify my inadequacy? And if necessary, how can I convince my parents?” - You don’t need to convince anyone of anything. If you want to change your life, fill it with meaning, then you need to do something, even if your parents are against it. I think you simply need help, because you have been in this state for a long time. You need a consultation with a psychologist in any case. Nothing will happen right away and in an instant. But you can try to take small steps, treading your path into the future. I really want to support you and say, don’t be alone with your thoughts, you just need support!

“I am writing here in the hope that someone will tell me what I should do at least to begin with” - I wrote to you above where to turn. Where to start too.

I want to share with you my favorite parable:

A long time ago, in an ancient city there lived a Master, surrounded by disciples. The most capable of them once thought: “Is there a question that our Master could not answer?” He went to a flowering meadow, caught the most beautiful butterfly and hid it between his palms. The butterfly clung to his hands with its paws, and the student was ticklish. Smiling, he approached the Master and asked:

-Tell me what kind of butterfly I have in my hands: alive or dead?

He held the butterfly tightly in his closed palms and was ready at any moment to squeeze them for the sake of his truth.

Without looking at the student’s hands, the Master answered:

- All in your hands.

All in your hands!

Best regards, Ekaterina.

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I don’t want to live, or in other words, prolonged depression

What is it and how to overcome it

Long-term depression is a psychological disorder that is accompanied by certain accompanying symptoms. These include apathy, severe physical weakness, bad mood and reluctance to live. You are no longer interested in anything and you don’t want anything - it seems that nothing can have a beneficial effect on your condition. If you don’t start fighting this disease in time, you can lose several years of your life!

Treatment with medicine

It is very difficult to cope with prolonged depression on your own - especially when you don’t want to do it. This is a medical problem, and by visiting a psychologist, you can find out what treatment will help your situation. The necessary psychotherapeutic help can completely lift you out of a depressive state. It is highly not recommended to buy antidepressants on your own and vary the dosage at your own discretion!

Self-treatment

If you have no desire to go to the doctors, but you want to live a different life, then you can help yourself. However, even the fact that you are reading this article indicates that you are ready for self-healing.

First, you need to determine what caused the depression and leave this situation in the past. You may return to thinking about her later, but now is the time to think about your psychological state.

1.

The first thing you need to do is make drastic changes to your lifestyle. It may seem to you that you don’t have the strength or ability to fit something else into your daily routine, but you still need to force yourself to do it. Unfortunately, at this stage there is no other way - just force yourself.

Start with new experiences and go on a trip. If you don’t want to go anywhere now, buy a tour that you would want to go on at a time when you weren’t depressed. Introduce more activity into your lifestyle - sign up for a gym session with a trainer or go to group training. These two points will help you start moving in the right direction. It is also important not to forget to follow the correct daily routine and consume the required amount of vitamins.

2.

You can find many videos on the Internet in which psychologists give free advice on how to get out of depression. Take the time to watch videos like these and glean important information from them.

3.

Share your experiences with a loved one (mother, husband or friend). Even close people do not always understand that their relative or friend is depressed, attributing his behavior to a bad mood. Meet and communicate with the people you love more often.

4.

Find a new hobby for yourself. If you are not interested in any activities right now, then remember what you liked before or what you planned to do. Sign up for the selected master classes, and give yourself the mindset to attend at least the first two classes - not one, but two! Most likely, a new business will captivate you and allow you to take a significant break from your condition.

The second way to die painlessly

You may be implementing this method of self-destruction right now without knowing it. Drug addiction, alcoholism, substance abuse, smoking - all this is a method of suicide, extended over several years. (this is a slow death, but here is a study on how to die quickly). This also includes promiscuity, abortion, etc. Pros: everything happens unnoticed and often does not even cause negative emotions among others. Cons: Serious health problems and addiction. When life gets better, and you suddenly realize that you don’t want to die at all, the consequences will 100% be revealed. Alternatively, chronic bronchitis, tuberculosis, infertility, impotence, cirrhosis of the liver, hepatitis, AIDS and so on.

How to help a person who doesn't want to live

If you asked this question, then we are probably talking about a person who is of special importance to you. Many people who have fallen into such a difficult psychological state find it very difficult to get out of it on their own.

If you notice that someone close to you is depressed, you can help:

• People suffering from this disease most often have little communication with others. It is often during this period that they lose many friends who failed to understand that their refusal to meet is not at all an indifferent attitude towards friendship, but a difficult moral state. Having noticed such a person showing signs of depression, do not pay attention to his desire to withdraw into himself and do not take his detachment personally. Find time to regularly check in with him about his affairs, find out about his mood, tell him about yourself and encourage him. Even if others turn away from him, he will not feel the burden of loneliness, because he will know that he has someone who is always ready to listen and talk to him!
• Offer a trip to an interesting place. You need to be sure that the route you choose will please this person. If he used to love visiting museums and exhibitions, go to a place like this. To make it simply inconvenient for him (or her) to refuse you, say that the tickets have already been purchased, and you have no one else to go with, and you don’t want any other company.
• Let him/her know that your friendship or family ties are very important to you. Ask for advice, show interest in his (her) affairs. A depressed person often states that no one needs him - show that this is not true at all!
• If you see that the situation is quite serious, convince the person suffering from depressive moods to visit a psychologist. Ask him to consult a specialist at least once. Tell him that millions of people turn to professionals for help every day, and this only benefits them.
• When communicating, emphasize that you are convinced of the temporary nature of this phenomenon. From time to time, your friend may experience “enlightenment” in his state - tell him about it. Pay attention to situations that improve his mood and try to make them repeat.
• Do not communicate with such a person as if he were sick and do not demonstrate “fake gaiety.” A depressed woman or man understands everything, but remains in apathy. Remain in your natural state, but show the person who demonstrates in every possible way that he is tired of life how important his healing is to you.

The third way to realize how to die without pain

We will call this method: “Suicide of the old “I”. This means that you need to end not your earthly life in general, but the way you live now. We need to start a new life, from scratch. However, we were lying a little when we said that it would pass without pain. There will be pain, as always happens when a new life appears. The woman experiences the pangs of birth, but the result is a new person, and she soon forgets her suffering. You can start a new life by turning to the One who gave it to you - God. Only He can show you why those problems came into your life, because of which you were looking for how to commit suicide painlessly. The Bible records the words of Christ: “I came that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” John 10:10b In other words, God wants to give you a new life—one full of meaning and love. And even if there are difficulties in it, you can always count on His help. It was God who made you read this article when you were looking for how to die without pain. This is not an accident, just like the fact that you were born into this world. To start a new life, you need to receive salvation, because a wall of sin now separates you and God. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Bible, Romans 3:23). “But your iniquities have made a division between you and your God...” (Bible, Isaiah 59:2). But God loves us and came to this world in the form of Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins, to become a sacrifice for our salvation. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). “The time is fulfilled and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent and believe in the gospel” (Mark 1:15)

Prayer: Lord! I pray to You in the Name of Your Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. I believe He shed blood on Calvary for my sins. I ask You to forgive me for everything I did wrong, for all my sins. I'm sorry that I wanted to commit suicide. Give me new life, Lord! Help me! I want to live with you! In the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.

I prayed

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How to want to live when you want to die

If it sometimes seems to you that there is no desire left to continue living, this does not mean at all that you are seriously inclined to commit suicide. It just means that you are not living the life you would like to live. Accordingly, there is only one way out - to radically change your daily routine.

1. External changes

• Start with changes in appearance. Since you feel an unwillingness to live, then, apparently, you are at least tired of your current image. Go to a trusted hairdresser and tell the hairdresser that you would like to change your hairstyle, but don’t know which option to choose - a specialist will probably help you with your choice based on your type of appearance. Be prepared for the fact that on the first day you will not like the new look too much, but this will only benefit you - now you can think about something else other than not wanting to live. Most likely, the next day you will see all the delights of the new look. If this does not happen, go to another master, continuing the experiments.
• Also review your wardrobe. If you can’t use the services of a stylist, then ask a friend with good taste for advice. If these options don’t suit you, then just find fashion bloggers on Instagram or in VK groups and copy the style of those you like. It is important that you do not dress this way before.

2. Set goals

Surely, there have been few changes, achievements or new experiences in your life lately. You have the opportunity to change this. You shouldn't make big plans if you barely have the energy to get out of bed right now, but taking small steps forward is still helpful. Start small - go to the park for a walk, go to the movies, etc.

3. Communication

Try to communicate with positive and kind people, from whom you seem to be “charged” with positive energy. And in general, despite all your reluctance, you should regularly make efforts to maintain your social activity. Don't focus on your mood - instead, call a friend and find out how she's doing. Pay a visit to a loved one. Try to initiate contact with the people you love at least several times a week.

4. Pet

Now you are completely immersed in your current state, so you should switch from your personality to something else. Get a pet that will need your attention - a puppy or a kitten. Remember what kind of animal you dreamed of before and buy it or adopt it from a shelter now. Caring for a new friend will distract you from your own worries. You will be able to feel needed and give yourself many joyful moments. Many depressed people find it difficult to communicate even with their family, but they note an improvement in their mood after contact with animals.

5. Movies

On the Internet you can find many sites that provide lists and descriptions of motivating films. Why don't you review at least some of them? Using someone else's story as an example, you will learn how life can change for the better.

6. Healthy lifestyle

Perhaps, in an attempt to escape from depression, you began to drink alcohol or drugs, thereby providing yourself with a new problem. Each use of alcohol or illegal drugs only makes your situation worse, and now your main task is to eliminate this aspect of their life!

7. Sports

It’s hard for many to believe, but practicing this method really improves not only physical health, but also normalizes the psychological background. Buy a gym membership for personal training with a trainer or for group fitness classes, and after a period of training, you will notice serious changes in your life.

How to die without pain if you don't want to live

What is suicide? This is deliberate taking of one's own life. Unfortunately, Rosportebnadzor blocked the article that was here earlier and was especially popular among site visitors. The reason is that we described ways to commit suicide painlessly, with their “advantages” and disadvantages. Our goal was to clearly and in detail show what sensations and results await you after using this or that method, because often in films and books suicide looks very beautiful and attractive, which is absolutely not true

reality. We had to edit this material, we hope it remains as useful for you.

Where to find a new incentive, a new dream, new motivation for your own life

Dreams.

Learn to follow an important rule - turn your dreams into goals, the fulfillment of which is given a certain period of time. Surely, as a child, you dreamed of many things, planning that you would realize all this “as soon as you grow up.” How many of these dreams have come true? It looks like you have reached a time when your life simply needs changes! Remember where you dreamed of going, what purchase you planned, and so on. Now all these are your plans for the near future. Write a wish list and start making it a reality.

Motivation.

How to motivate yourself to make any changes or implement plans. Clearly imagine what your life will be like when you do what you want, but what you don’t have the strength or determination to do. Think in detail about how much you need it and what it can give you. Still can't motivate yourself? Perhaps, in fact, you no longer need what you once dreamed of and that is why your motivation is so weak? Review your list of dreams and determine what you really want from life in the future.

Leave fear behind.

The fear of condemnation, pain, criticism and the like will separate us from many accomplishments and changes. Your fears are what are stopping you from living a good life. If you want to achieve truly high goals, you will have to understand that failure in this case is a natural phenomenon.

If you are afraid of something on the way to what you want, then analyze the situation well. Accept that your fears may not be unfounded, and you will indeed have to go through some unpleasant moments, but they are the ones that separate you from what you really need! And when you receive this, then all the inconvenient or difficult situations accompanying this achievement will become small and insignificant for you. Give your dream a chance to come true!

How to overcome age-related crises

There are several periods throughout life when low mood and apathy visit almost every person. These are the so-called age crises. Let's look at how to successfully overcome them.

What to do if you don't want to live as a teenager

The first serious crisis awaits a person at the age of 15–17 years. Hormonal changes during puberty have a serious impact on mood and well-being. The teenager feels that some changes are happening to him, and this worries and frightens him.

Studying abruptly fades into the background, all attention turns to the sphere of relationships with peers. Flaws in appearance and failures on the personal front are experienced as a tragedy and failure, to which are added conflicts with parents and failures at school. Against the backdrop of all this, thoughts of suicide appear, life begins to seem like an unbearable burden that has fallen on the shoulders of a young girl or guy.

To get through this test safely, you need to understand the important key role of this period in life. It is not for nothing that it is called transitional.

This is the time when a person begins to form a personality, and if you strain your will and direct all your attention to developing and strengthening yourself, you can quickly mold yourself into a strong, self-sufficient person.

If you are going through an acute teenage crisis, use the following tips - they will help you get out of it gently.

1. Don’t rush headlong into the pool - perceive everything that happens philosophically, that is, a little detached.
2. Give yourself the mindset that now you are just learning to live, and your success in life will depend on how well you assimilate the knowledge and experience you have acquired. With this approach, it will be easier for you to survive failures and learn the right lessons from them.
3. Set your sights on the future. There is no need to get hung up on the present and strive to get all the pleasures of life at once. Remember - by giving up the momentary high in favor of working on yourself, you are bringing a much more meaningful and valuable high closer.
4. Train your will. This is your main friend and assistant throughout your life. If you manage to tame and raise him at such an early age, you will always be in the forefront, leaving far behind not only your peers, but also your older comrades.

What to do if you don’t want to live after thirty

The second serious crisis awaits a person at the turn of the third and fourth decade. This is the time when youth is already behind us, and a person realizes that many of his dreams and hopes are no longer destined to come true. He remembers how he imagined himself at this age ten years ago, and the discrepancy between the image and reality makes him sad.

Work is not fun, there is no strength for anything, all that remains is to go with the flow towards inevitable old age.

To get out of a depressed state, you need, firstly, to discard all social stereotypes. Who said that having made a mistake in choosing a profession after school, you now have to sit in a job you don’t like for the rest of your life? Or give up on yourself if you didn’t get married and didn’t give birth to a child. You are the rightful owner of your life and only you can decide what it should be.

The second step is to decide to change. They don’t have to be global, sometimes just a little is enough - finally go to the gym, start eating right, change your image, get rid of a bad habit. Remember - nothing holds you in your state except your own inertia.

What to do if you don’t want to live after retirement

The end of work marks the beginning of old age. Before ending a career, a person must take care of what he will do with his free time. If there are no important and interesting things to do, he will be disappointed in life and quickly fade away.

A common cause of depression at this age is a feeling of uselessness. Yesterday, only a person was an experienced specialist who was respected and appreciated, but today he found himself out of work. Therefore, many people are in no hurry to retire and work until they are very old.

If you feel thrown to the margins of life, find an activity that will benefit society - raise your grandchildren, pass on your life and professional experience to young people, make something. Even after sixty, you should have goals and ambitions, then you won’t be afraid of any depression.

Well, of course, we must not forget about ourselves. Many people, upon retirement, go traveling, study foreign languages, join clubs of similar interests - take their example.

How to live on when you don’t want to live?

What is in a person is undoubtedly

more important than what a person has.

Arthur Schopenhauer (German philosopher)

So, life is initially difficult. But what to do next? How to get out from under the slab of depression, get rid of the difficult state of hopelessness? How not to break down, but to move forward? I will once again draw your attention to the phrase of the German philosopher quoted above. Let me rephrase it a little: it doesn’t matter where you are, it matters who you are. The form is not as important as the content - what matters is your character, your soul. It needs to be educated, it needs to be invested in, it is in the soul that needs to be invested. No matter what is going on in your life right now, you can start making the right investments in your own personality. This question is much deeper than the self-development techniques offered today, because only the One who created it can help you put your soul in order.

I'm talking about God. I am talking about Christ because I do not believe in the existence of other gods, because this question has been personally researched and tested by me. Only through knowing Christ can a person find peace and tranquility in his soul, understand the meaning of all the suffering that has come into his life, gain clarity and understanding of where and how he needs to follow.

Christ said to his followers: “In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome this world” (Bible, Gospel of John, chapter 16, verse 33).

He warns that we will face troubles, and immediately calls for courage based on faith, the understanding that our God has emerged victorious in this world. All a person needs is to follow Him. As a prototype, imagine a minefield and a squad leader who walks through it and then says to his comrades: “I did it! All you need to do is follow in my footsteps. Follow the trail, don’t deviate, and you will pass too!”

Also, in order to walk the path of life, we need to follow Jesus Christ. He came to save people, to lead us out of chaos, a confused life left to chance, to give strength to the weakened, and to resurrect our coarsened, dead souls.

What will happen when I'm gone?

One of the best psychological exercises to help overcome suicidal tendencies is to imagine tomorrow without yourself. Use all your fantasy and imagination. You will die, the next day will come. Most of your close friends will continue to live the same way they live; some of your relatives will worry for a long time. At the same time, you will no longer be there, you will not be able to enjoy such simple little things as your favorite tea, you will not be able to look out the window in the morning at the familiar landscape. Little will change in the life of your hometown, but you will no longer have your participation in all this. How will you feel at this moment? Are you really not interested in life at all, and do you have no interest in tomorrow? The simplest answer to the question of what to do if you want to die is to imagine as if you are no longer there. This technique will allow you to again feel the joys of everyday life and want to become better.

We can't be sad

Depression is not sadness, as this article explains. Everything is much more complicated: emptiness, flatness, irritation or strange numbness. Many people who seek help for depression report only physical symptoms because they are not sad.

For me, I first notice it as brain fog. The world seems to be moving in slow motion, but I still can't keep up. All I want is to sleep, not only because depression is tiring, but because sleep is an escape.

We can't "choose joy" or "stop thinking about it"

Sometimes Christians tell us to “choose joy” or focus on someone other than ourselves. There is some truth to this: caring for others and cultivating joy are important parts of a healthy life.

But when death seems like the only way out of the internal torture chamber, these things don't work. What's worse is that they become a way to mask the pain. This is how I could participate in several services and smile widely while I wished for death.

Saying something like, “I'm so sorry you're hurting,” and spending time with people who are struggling is much more effective than telling them to choose joy. This allows them to be honest, which can save lives.

“I don’t want to live anymore.” What to say to a desperate person?

Komarova Vera Leonidovna - psychologist, certified specialist in family constellations : I don’t want to live anymore - sometimes these words come out of the mouth thoughtlessly, when a person is upset, tired after a hard day at work, something doesn’t work out according to his wishes, children don’t listen... Another thing when a relative or loved one died. And there is a situation when a person really doesn’t want to live, for example, he finds out about his illness and he has a choice: to do something or fold his arms and do nothing. There are many situations when a person thinks about not wanting to live. When a person talks about this to family, friends, neighbors (whom he considers necessary and important), he expects moral support, wants to get strength for life, just to talk it out, he is looking for support in life. Those to whom he addresses sometimes become frightened (the topic of death is scary for many) and, on the contrary, stop communicating with him, someone says that “here I am...” and then there are instructions for survival, suitable only for those who it was created and used to using it, but not by the one who converted. A person often does not realize where this reluctance to live comes from. What lies on the surface is not always the true cause of the desire for death. A psychologist will help you figure this out. The reasons are deeper. People who are close to a person who is in a difficult psychological state can tactfully suggest ways out of this state, suggesting that it is better to consult a specialist than to try, as in a fairy tale, to pull yourself out of the place where you find yourself (from a state of melancholy , despair, hopelessness). Or give, for example, a link to a site where there are smart consultants and a professional forum. Or give the phone numbers of psychologists (several, so that a person can make a choice in this simple matter, then it will be easier for him to make a choice between the decision to live or die). If a person makes up his mind and comes to a consultation with a psychologist, we can say with confidence that he wants to live, he has motivation, he just needs help to understand the situation. Let me give you some examples. This may be a reluctance to come to terms with the death of a loved one - “I’m coming for you.” A person takes care of a seriously ill person and spends a lot of physical and moral energy - “Better me than you.” Or many feel “guilt” in the death of another person, arrogantly believing that they can control human destinies. Sometimes a person is identified with a deceased (or expelled) member of the clan (an aborted brother or sister, a tragically deceased grandmother, a drug-addicted relative, etc.) and bears his fate, as if reminding him that that person has the right to his place in the system. It is important to accept the illnesses that arise in a person, and not fight them, ignoring them, cursing them, asking why this is to me. It all starts in family stories. The interrupted movement of love from mother (and father) to the child can be restored so that a person can receive support and strength to live from exactly where he got the most important thing - Life - from mom and dad. Systemic family constellations (according to B. Hellinger’s method) allow a person to understand the intertwining of the history of the family and clan. Loginov Konstantin Anatolyevich, practical psychologist, Gestalt therapist, associated trainer of the Gestalt approach, employee of the psychological center “Here and Now” , consultant of the portal www.psyforum.ru: We can hear the frightening phrase “I don’t want to live anymore” in different situations and for quite different reasons. Most likely, having heard such a confession, many of us will begin to actively persuade the person to live on. In order to understand how constructive this model of behavior is, let’s answer three questions: who said it, what it really means, and what exactly is expected of you. Who can tell you about their unwillingness to live? It’s hard to imagine that this is a person who sat next to you on a trolleybus for a minute. Most likely, this will be a person close enough to you and not indifferent to you, whose life means something to you, and his loss will be painful. What do they want to tell you and what are they waiting for? If a person really doesn’t want to live, he simply does something to end his life, and does not talk to you about it. Therefore, such a phrase carries not so much information about intentions as a hidden appeal to you. Two criteria will help you navigate: an assessment of the situation in which you heard this phrase, and the emotions that arose in response. So, at the funeral of a friend, the phrase of his crying wife - “I miss you so much that I don’t want to live anymore” - will evoke sympathy, pity, and sadness. And if at the moment of a quarrel you hear: “You ruined my life so much that I don’t want to live anymore,” you may have completely different feelings: anger, fear, guilt, resentment. These are two completely different motives: - You are told about a high, almost unbearable degree of mental tension; - They are trying to manipulate you . In the first option, a person faces some change in his reality. The number of emotions is so great that it becomes difficult to imagine that they can be experienced. In this case, the statement about not wanting to live is an attempt to communicate one’s suffering: “It’s very painful for me and it’s difficult to get over what happened.” If you recognize that similar emotional stress is being communicated to you, one appropriate option would be to sympathize and mention that you too have faced similar experiences that were also difficult for you and took time to process: “I sympathize with you and understand.” , it’s not easy for you. When I lost my parents, it seemed to me that there was a hole in me into which all my feelings went. It took me a while to get over this loss.” The second motive is a way to achieve a certain scenario. They are trying to blackmail you, blame you and make you responsible for the current state of affairs: “You are to blame for my failures, so do as I want, otherwise it will be worse.” When faced with something like this, it is important to keep your distance without trying too much to sympathize, reassure or care. It is more important not to take responsibility for the life of another person, and to substantively designate the boundaries of your joint participation in the current situation: “I cannot be responsible for what you can do to yourself. I admit my responsibility in that I was rarely sincere with you, but I also think that you did not make enough efforts for us to discuss this earlier.” No matter what sauce is seasoned with the “I don’t want to live anymore” dish, you can be sure that they want attention and emotional involvement from you. In the Western world, death is a frightening event that is spoken about extremely rarely and with extreme caution. Therefore, any mention is doomed to clash with strong feelings and threatens to fall into the trap of fear and addiction. Marchevskaya Elena Borisovna - psychological consultant, member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League and the European Association of Transactional Analysis (EATA ), certified specialist of the European Association of Counseling, consultant of the Psychological Navigator portal: Often behind the words “I don’t want to live anymore” there is hidden “I don’t want to live like this anymore”...If If we look at this situation from the point of view of Transactional Analysis, then we will hear in this statement the voice of a Child who is tired of following Parental instructions, hoping to find the promised happiness (joy, success, love, etc.). He is disappointed in the power of the Parent, but he is also unable to abandon him, because the Child needs care, support and wise guidance. At the same time, the person ignores the power of his own Adult, from whom the necessary support and care can come. To help a person move through despair and release the power of his Adult, you need to: • start by listening. Without judging, without judging. Even if you are shocked by his story, don't show it. • check whether there is a real danger of suicide (is it talking about planned suicide, etc.) and be sure to warn that you will not keep this information secret. • do not offer simple explanations of the situation, such as “you’re just tired” and also do not offer simple solutions: “go for a walk, eat something tasty and relax.” • support a desperate person. Remind him that no matter how bad he feels now, this condition will not last forever. Despair is a sign of crisis...It is a turning point. In the very heart of despair there is the energy of constructive anger to break through Parental prohibitions and take a step towards yourself, your own life. Olshansky Dmitry Aleksandrovich - specialist in Lacanian psychoanalysis , private psychoanalyst (St. Petersburg): From time to time thinking about the meaning of life and its meaninglessness is a completely common activity for a person. This is not a reason to start treatment and not a reason to rush to treat those who come to the conclusion that they no longer want to live. or as they say in Hollywood films, between “doesn’t want to live” and “want to die” - there will always be some helper. The very formulation of the question already suggests that there is a loved one who should say something in this situation or do something. That is, there is already a subject of guilt: if the other no longer wants to live, then this is my problem, it means I have something to do with this and it is I who am responsible for it and must take steps. As if the blame for suicide lies not with the “desperate person”, but not with the one “who should say something.” And guilt, as practice shows, is a screen for unconscious desire: we can only be guilty of what we ourselves wanted. Another question is what exactly a person should do if his loved one wants to stop living. As with any symptom, there can be no universal “what to say?” advice. The question is, “who” and “to whom” should this be said? After all, often thoughts of suicide come to mind precisely when those close to you do not perceive you as a subject, when you do not exist for others, in this case suicide becomes the only independent act, the only way to attract attention to yourself. It's easy to part with something that never belonged to you. And a life that was dictated not by your own desires, but by other people’s demands has little value for yourself, so turning into a corpse, an object, is the best way to give others exactly what they wanted from you. In this situation, the key question is not “what”, but “who”; it is this question that will allow one to avoid objectification, universality, and see behind a seemingly common problem a person’s independent desire (even if it is a desire to stop living). Why exactly YOU don't want to live? Popova Olga Fedorovna - psychotherapist, psychologist : Psychology, unfortunately, does not pay enough attention to the problem of suicide, mostly devoting this topic to psychiatry. And what can I say - a complex topic concerning the sphere of a person’s relationship with himself. Guarantees of personal freedom allow a person to build within himself such fair relationships as each person understands for himself, because the nature of these relationships, their nature is not described by either law or right. Attempts to describe how a person should or should not believe, in whom to believe, how a person should think, what to think about, dream about himself... look like an attack on his personal freedom. At one time, in “The Myth of Sisyphus,” Albert Camus wrote: “There is only one truly serious problem - the problem of suicide. To decide whether life is or is not worth living is to answer a fundamental question in philosophy. Everything else...is secondary. These are the conditions of the game: first of all, you need to give an answer.” In my opinion, every person professes his own philosophy of life, in which with every day he lives he answers these and other existential questions: “Why did I live this day? What is the time of my life filled with? Does my life have meaning? Do I like living the way I live? Do I have the right to be myself in my life? Can I bear my life like this? Sometimes a person does not find a positive answer for himself and decides to take the last desperate step directed against life - towards death. Some people choose life because... are afraid of death, others choose death because they are afraid of life. And here it is important to be able to convey to the client the idea that “how, when, why” to die means no more and no less than “how, when and why” to live. The courage to stay alive is akin to the courage to die; only by choosing life, a person chooses himself. At this very moment, he does not betray himself, does not renounce himself, but realizing how weak, stupid, terrible he can be, what Nietzsze called “internal evil in a person” remains to live. This really takes courage! But courage will not come to the client without restoring trust in himself. And here it is important for the psychotherapist to see in the client and understand his personal values, to remind him of his abilities, talents, opportunities in life that are open to this person, so that he can realize his values, realize his cherished dreams and take this wonderful “risk” - stay alive. And it is important for the psychotherapist to get and stay precisely in the territory of the soul of such a client, because the essence of the issue is not the position “for” or “against” suicide, but what this action means for the client himself, for his personality, his internal and external world . It is necessary, together with the client, to come to an understanding of the meaning of this person’s choice - suicide. Understand why the client chose this particular path as the only possible one for himself, why he does not see and neglects other options? After all, suicide is a departure from the intolerance of life, it is an entry into death, a very emotionally strong experience that awakens in a person the deepest feelings, thoughts and fantasies of his soul. And here, too, there is a huge field for joint research and psychotherapeutic work! Anton Mikhailovich Nesvitsky - psychologist, psychotherapist , consultant of the “Mirror of the Soul” project: As work experience shows, in a situation where a person does not want to live, there are two main points. The first of them is the demand for attention from this person. As a rule, in a situation where there is such a statement and it is expressed to someone (a psychologist, a friend, relatives, in general at least somehow voiced) - there is still a chance to help. Because when a person has decided to die and no longer needs anyone’s support, he remains silent and fulfills his plans. If he voiced a desire to die, this suggests that if he is given some help and support, he may change his mind over time. And here it is not so important what exactly to say, it is important to just give warmth, pay attention to his problems, listen, start offering at least some options for getting out of the current situation. Attention itself will be the help that a person needs, and there is a chance that, having felt not alone and not indifferent, he himself will eventually find the strength and motive to live. The second point is the loss of meaning. And if we talk about working methods, then the psychologist is faced with the task of turning to the categories of a person’s personal meaning. In this case, as practice shows, appeals to surrounding factors - family, friends, relatives of a desperate person - are not entirely effective; here it is necessary to search for the meaning of this person’s life, regardless of the surrounding circumstances. And for this, the surest way is to search for a person’s true desires, what he wanted to achieve in life, but for some reason could not do this, or did not find these very true desires. As a rule, when working with such people, a large layer of suppression of one’s problems, expectations from the world, and a large layer of various kinds of introjects are revealed. To put it simply, it often happens that a person does not live his own life, but having limited himself to attitudes taken from his parents or society, he is afraid to realize himself the way he himself would like, he believes that he has no right or does not deserve what is truly his would motivate me to live life to the fullest. In this case, it is necessary to find these limiting beliefs and help the person reconsider them. It also happens that the reason for thoughts about leaving life is addiction - from a husband/wife, parents, children who for some reason passed away (from life, or broke off a relationship) - in these cases, as a rule, you can find the origins of addiction , and the basis of any addiction is insufficient recognition of one’s own worth, dislike for oneself, and the inability to give oneself support and support. And you can help a person understand the roots of such an attitude towards himself, help him develop other principles of interaction with himself. It also happens that the cause of this state is long-suppressed resentment, anger, aggression, to which a person does not give himself the right, and it results in chronic self-blame and self-destruction on an unconscious, and then on a conscious level. If you summarize - the most important thing that a psychologist and any close person can do at his own level is to show a desperate person of himself - his value, his importance, his significance, his uniqueness as a person in the world and teach him to relate to his Persons with respect, introduce your feelings and desires and help them correctly express them. Chusovkova Anna Vasilievna Psychologist: I had experience in communicating with such a person ... She turned to me with what she wanted to die. There was a feeling that she came to say goodbye to me. This is a strange sensation ... As if there is some line between you and the person, and if a person makes a final decision, then I will not see him anymore. This woman had a difficult divorce, there are children, grandchildren, but she did not want to stay more. What to do? If a person has come to you, then he cannot actually just die. He came to say something, hear, do. In this situation, a person looks at you as someone who remains in the room called life, and he leaves ... I asked her: “You have the feeling that you have not done something in this life and you can not completely leave ?. She replied that yes, but she could not understand what it was. After a certain work related to relations with my mother, understanding of himself in this situation, we found that she still holds her here ... The next day she called me and said: "I decided to stay." The whole difficulty is to understand, to feel and realize what exactly does not allow a person to die and what needs to be done and say so that he remains. After all, we will always be able to leave, but to return ... There is such an assumption that we all pass some kind of lesson in life, and if you have not passed it now, then you still have to go through it, but in another life. Thus, you seem to remain 2 times in the classroom. And if you feel that you haven’t done something in life, take your time, try to do it, figure it out to the end. After all, we all will still have to die, another thing, with which you leave this planet, what you did here. And only your feeling can tell you whether you made this decision in time or not. If not, then let's talk about it now ...

It's not because we don't pray and read our Bibles

In 2013, Lifeway Research found that nearly 50% of evangelicals believe that only prayer and Bible study can overcome serious mental illness. Unfortunately, this false belief prevents people from seeking the help they need.

I know this first hand. No matter how many times I read poetry, asked for healing, and did all the other things I was supposed to do, I still had the disease. I was not miraculously healed.

Of course, our God is powerful and able to heal in an instant. And sometimes mild depression naturally goes into remission, like cancer, which can reinforce the dangerous idea that seeking medical help means a lack of faith. Christians need to know prayer, and reading hope-filled verses is an important part of a comprehensive self-help plan.

But they are not enough. It wasn't until I started taking medication and seeing a licensed therapist (pastors don't get enough training to counsel people with depression or suicidal thoughts) weekly that the darkness disappeared and my chest stopped hurting.

And I am also grateful to God that he works through small pills and experienced professionals, as if he waved a magic wand and instantly healed me. He is still the primary source of healing and is still glorified by working through people.