How to understand that love has passed?
I don't know if I love my husband?
Falling in love and intense feelings go away, relationships between partners change, and conflicts begin to arise more often.
In such a situation, it is difficult to understand whether there is still love between you or whether you are together simply out of habit .
If you want to figure it out, try asking yourself a few questions:
- Are you happy? If you close your attention to some little things, put aside conflicts and listen to yourself, then how will you answer this question? Not when you move to a bigger apartment/your husband changes jobs/you have a child, but right here and now are you happy?
- Are you ready to work on your relationship? It is no secret that a happy marriage is the work of partners on themselves and on their relationships. Do you want to make efforts to get out of a crisis situation? And why haven't you started doing this yet?
- Is there something about your partner that you don't accept in a relationship? He may be drinking too much, not working, or even hitting you. It happens that this is revealed only after several years of marriage. If you categorically don’t like it, then why tolerate it?
- Why did you start dating and get married? Maybe there just wasn’t a suitable couple nearby, and then things somehow got complicated? Or did your relatives constantly pester you? Or are you terribly afraid of loneliness?
- If your partner asks you to break up, how will you feel? Just be honest with yourself. Will you be unhappy? Are you upset? Or will you feel relieved?
Be sure to answer these questions sincerely. Don't lie to yourself. And then you will understand whether you really have fallen out of love with your spouse or whether you are just going through a crisis phase in your relationship that needs to be worked on.
I don't love my husband. What to do? Find out from the video:
Scandals and hysterics
The downside of indifference is the outburst of negative emotions on you. She will constantly reproach you, talk about your shortcomings, see only the bad in everything, she will not like everything and it is impossible to please such a woman.
She will throw out all her negative emotions on you. You didn't have a good day - it's your fault, if you broke a nail - it's your fault, your friend didn't come to the meeting - it's you again. And so on ad infinitum. In everything, she sees you as to blame and involved in her troubles and misfortunes.
What are the reasons for the fading of feelings in marriage?
The crush passed, the romance ended and ordinary life began .
A man no longer strives to surprise and conquer a woman, because she is already his.
And the woman does not have enough attention, but she has a lot of worries around the house, and she herself forgets to charm her man.
Gradually, the spouses begin to spend time together less often, are less interested in each other , and practically do not communicate. The relationship is cooling, the gap between them is growing wider.
Perhaps the man just wants to protect his chosen one from his problems. And a woman encounters indifference or misunderstanding when she herself begins to talk about something.
The main reason for the fading of feelings is the lack of dialogue between spouses and the reluctance to work on the relationship.
Don't expect things to work out on their own . If you ignore the problem, sooner or later a serious conflict will arise. It is better to immediately discuss emerging problems and misunderstandings.
Avoidance of communication
Another sign is that she doesn’t want to communicate. He tries to go to bed before you arrive, gets up later than you, when you have already left for work. Doesn't write or call at all. She no longer wants to cross paths and communicate.
She will prefer to spend time either with herself or with her friends. He will go into another room to watch a movie or read a book. He will refuse your proposals to spend the evening together and go about his own business.
Psychology of such relationships
It often happens that for some reason a family is either formed without love, or is forced to continue to exist without it.
Psychologists distinguish two types of such relationships:
- old feelings turned into alienation and indifference. You can often observe mutual reproaches, resentments and showdowns. Everyone is for themselves and lives their own lives. Perhaps there is even a rude attitude or betrayal. Spouses are not comfortable in each other's company;
- the feeling of love left the couple, but grew into respect and mutual understanding. They do not have strong feelings for each other, but they can continue to live together, being interested in each other and communicating. The partners are still comfortable with each other.
How not to fall in love with your boss? Advice from psychologists will help you!
I don't want my man! Reasons and what to do about it? Psychotherapy:
Bed
A sure sign of cooled feelings is a cold bed. Of course, couples with a long history of family life are less likely to give in to love pleasures, but they still exist. And when you can’t even remember the last time, it’s worth wondering if everything is as good as it seems.
A woman who does not have any feelings for a man will come up with excuses. She won't want to be intimate with him. Therefore, if your wife constantly refuses sex, has long stopped flirting with you, and does not show any feminine activity, then this is a clear signal of her cooling feelings for you.
Often in such cases, the wife may even cheat on her husband. There is no need to take any drastic measures right away. First, read the article “How to test a girl for cheating.”
Married without love from the point of view of psychologists
Sometimes it happens that a marital union is created without any feeling of love at all .
For example, a girl became pregnant unplanned or put pressure on her husband. Or the man proposed, and the girl agreed out of fear of loneliness.
It also happens that a girl simply sees a profitable future , because her fiancé does not suffer from poverty. Or a young man proposes because everyone around him says it ’s time to settle down.
From a psychological point of view, marriage not for love, but because “it’s time” or “necessary” usually leads to disappointment.
Without mutual feelings, it is difficult to conduct a dialogue with a partner, sort out relationships and deal with everyday life.
Girls often think that their husband is not going anywhere and that they can turn him around as they please .
Young people feel a loss of freedom; such relationships depress them. Therefore, life together is spent in constant oppression until one of the spouses decides to leave.
Is it possible to love a second time?
No matter how many years you have been together, you can always freshen up your relationship and fall in love with your partner again.
This can happen as a result of you working together on the relationship or someone else's initiative.
For example, the husband will devote more time to his wife and arrange pleasant surprises.
The wife will begin to take better care of her appearance and will stop reproaching her husband and becoming offended for no reason. And then love will flare up between you again.
How to attract love into your life? You will find practical recommendations on our website.
Married without love? Is it possible to love your husband after marriage? Find out from the video:
What should I do to get my feelings back?
How to love your husband or wife again? If you don't want to give up and are determined to bring love back into your relationship, then try the following:
- Remember why you are with this person. How did your relationship begin?
What exactly attracted you to your partner? Try to recreate how you felt on your first date or the first time he held your hand. What about the first kiss and long walks? Just don’t compare how it was then and how it is now. Just enjoy the memories, they will help you get into the right mood. - Talk to your partner. Open up to him, tell him that your feelings have faded. But what you need now is not a showdown and a scandal, but a calm, constructive dialogue. Tell us what you are missing and decide together with your spouse how you can fix it.
- Accept each other. There are no perfect people. But when the feelings go away, we increasingly see negative sides in our partner. Think about what exactly you don’t like; perhaps you are too critical. Is there something we should close our eyes to? Try to focus more often on exactly what you value in your spouse and what you are grateful for. And another important point that many couples forget about: if something in your partner really irritates you, tell him about it. Calmly discuss this point and most likely you will be able to reach some kind of compromise.
- Try something new. Sometimes it’s not enough to remember the past and you want some kind of freshness in your relationship. Try going somewhere you haven't been before. Spend an evening together in something unusual. Come up with new traditions. Surprise each other.
- Understand that change is normal. You can often hear: “You are not the man I married!”
Or “You have changed a lot, I don’t recognize you anymore!” Understand that it is much worse if a person does not change for many years and remains the same. People must develop. - Take a break. There is nothing wrong. If you see each other every day, spend weekends and vacations together, then you simply do not have time to miss each other. It's okay if you're a little tired of each other. To begin with, try to at least spend a day off separately from each other. In the future, you will need to get used to the fact that spending time apart is sometimes even useful. It can also bring fresh feelings into the relationship.
How to cope with the death of your beloved husband? Read about it here.
Expert advice on how to live with someone you don't love?
You can often observe situations where there is no love left, but you need to live together.
What to do in this case? How to learn to live without love:
- Firstly, try not to start empty quarrels. Who needs it? Constant showdowns will only spoil everyone's mood. Therefore, before starting another conversation with a claim, you should think several times: is it worth it?
- secondly, treat your partner with respect. Be that as it may, he once meant a lot to you, didn’t he?
- third, talk to your spouse. For cleanliness. Explain everything as it is. It will be better if even in such a situation you are honest. Think together about how you can move on and avoid uncomfortable situations. This will also help avoid scandals in the future;
- Fourth, be understanding. You may have fallen out of love with your spouse, but he could still have feelings? Do not play with them under any circumstances;
- fifthly, do not try to hurt a person on purpose and do not provoke him to make a decision to break off the relationship.
It happens that one of the spouses does not want to take responsibility and tries to make the partner break off the relationship. Decide for yourself whether you want to live with this person. If not, then find the strength within yourself to finish it all.
Is it worth living in an unhappy marriage for the sake of children? Psychologist's opinion:
Respect and trust
I always say that these are the two pillars of a happy family life. Therefore, if you notice disrespectful treatment and behavior on the part of your spouse towards yourself, then this is a clear sign of her alienation.
And the question about trust here is as follows - a woman doesn’t care about a man, she doesn’t care about where he is, with whom, how he spends his time, what he does. She's losing interest. That’s why he doesn’t question him with passion, doesn’t call every five minutes, doesn’t ask why he was late.
