What to do if you fall in love with a married man: expert advice

The topic of relationships with a married man often comes up in my trainings. Of course, not everyone can get to them. But, fortunately, it is very easy to find out what Yaroslav Samoilov thinks about this :-).
Based on my coaching experience, I want to emphasize that relationships with a married man happen to completely different women. Not a single representative of the fair half of humanity is immune from this, regardless of age, education, ethnicity and cultural level.
I can also say that the mistress of a married man often remains “beside a broken trough” - alone, and sometimes with a deep wound in the heart.
No matter how smart and experienced the woman who created the love triangle is, getting out of it will be painful.

Fell in love with a married man, what to do

A woman fell in love with a married man. You need to immediately analyze the situation, putting aside your emotions, and be honest with yourself. Women need to understand what they need to be prepared for.

Dissatisfaction and limitations.

Most likely, you will need to look for a suitable time and place for meetings, hiding from human eyes. If you live in a small town, then the four walls of a house or hotel are definitely waiting for you. Every time you will not miss the time spent with him, you will remain with a feeling of dissatisfaction and the feeling that you are clearly not a priority for this person. There is a woman who is more important, and that is the wife.

Feeling of constant jealousy.

When dating a married man, a woman understands for sure that he has someone else. Yes, he can say that he and his wife have not had an intimate relationship for a long time. However, this will not relieve you of constant thoughts and worries.

The presence of another woman during dates.

Of course, she won't sit next to you and tell you how best to communicate with her husband. She will call and text. She may need urgent help or attention. The wife has every right to do this.

We tried to describe all the obvious disadvantages so that women understand what troubles await them. Yes, this is true, but the situation is not hopeless. A man may love you so much that he will leave the family. In addition, you may cause the end of a long-dead relationship.

What to do if you fall in love with a married man

There are several styles of behavior, all you have to do is choose the one that suits you:

  1. stop communication, realizing the impossibility of being together, or an attempt to find out the man’s clear position. He may delay for a long time, not daring to change anything and thinking that you are also quite happy with this. In order to soberly assess the relationship between you, you do not need to wait for many years. Six months is the optimal period if we meet frequently enough to understand what the prospects are.
  2. achieve your goal by any means necessary. The first thing that can help you achieve your goal is to carefully find out why your relationship with your wife has cracked. Weaknesses are your trump cards. You need to give a man what he lacked in family life, while never speaking badly about his wife. Try to talk less about her in general, because men often want to complain to their mistress and vent their pain. Your task is to dodge this by giving warmth and care to the man, but in no case pity. Be a little elusive and don't always agree to meet when it's convenient for him. Try to avoid hysterics, and light and playful scandals will not be superfluous. You need to be prepared for the fact that even after the divorce he may not stop communicating with his ex-wife if they have children or affairs together during the marriage.
  3. remain a mistress and enjoy your position. You may be comfortable with this type of relationship. You don't want to get married or you are already married. Then you just always have to be mindful of the format and the prior agreements. Everyone is comfortable that you are not trying to make the relationship open. You like to live in constant intrigue and tension. Your married man and you feel incredible satisfaction from having each other in your life, but you don't want anything more.

Are lovers always in the background?

The situation when a woman falls for a young man in a couple or an unfree man is not uncommon. Everyday life and lack of attention lead to the idea that this will be the way out. However, when it comes to a long-term relationship, the girl tries to assess what the chances are of getting a leading position. If a woman strives to become the first in this relationship, then the chances of success are low. Due to a man’s indecisiveness, a mistress can remain in a similar status for many years until both partners get tired of it.

Official wives remain calm, putting up with their husband’s affair and not taking any action. As a result, the third party leaves the relationship without receiving leadership or official status.

This happens because of the habit of a man to whom the thought of divorce is alien. Many years have been lived in an official marriage, children have been born, property has been acquired. When a couple breaks up, partners are forced to share it all, to resolve issues that might not have existed. Such an inconvenience clearly does not interest the lover. In such a situation, the mutual behavior of the wife and mistress plays a decisive role. If both are patient with a partner who leads a double life, the situation will last a long time.

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When a mistress shows impatience, the relationship is destroyed, since the man does not intend to tolerate constant discontent, scandals and hysterics from a virtual stranger. If such behavior is demonstrated by the wife, then the chances of getting the championship are 50 to 50. Perhaps the husband, ashamed and frightened by the divorce, will abandon his new passion to save the family. But the opposite situation may also arise, when the wife’s hysteria is unbearable, and the man is tired of scandals.

Sometimes a mistress smoothly transitions into the official status of a wife. These are cases where divorce from the spouse was inevitable and without a vicious relationship. In this case, the mistress becomes a catalyst that speeds up the decision-making process. The marriage, which could not be saved without this, breaks up, and the mistress receives the title of bride.

However, in this case, you need to understand for what reason the divorce occurred in order to prevent this from happening in a new relationship, otherwise there is a possibility that a man, taught by experience, will quickly decide to divorce again, but with his former mistress, or will abandon the intention to create again. family.

If a married woman fell in love with a married man

In this case, at least you are in the same position. There are no disadvantaged parties except your other halves. You don't need to manipulate your man into making a decision. You are a tandem and will act together.

The first thing to do is assess the situation. We talked about this above. How serious is your relationship for both of you? If you understand that it’s not enough for you to meet on the sly, you don’t have any connecting circumstances with your other half (common business, for example), then it’s time to start taking specific actions.

Don't be afraid to change your life. Any meeting is not accidental. As a woman, you simply have to be happy and wise. Without unnecessary emotions, understand whether you want to live with the person you met on your life path now, whether he is ready to be responsible and courageous in order to also decide on this.

Fell in love with an older married man - this does not carry a huge semantic load to the above. You may be attracted to this man’s experience, confidence, wealth, but the age factor does not change the essence of building a relationship.

Signs of falling in love

Knowing how a handsome, married man madly in love with a woman behaves, you will be able to see the first signs of emerging feelings. This will help you react faster, assess the situation and decide in advance whether to respond to advances, attentions, or flirting.

Changes in appearance

A young man who is trying to make a positive impression on the woman he likes will act instinctively. External changes will begin. First comes a change in style.

If he is in love, he will enthusiastically start wearing shirts instead of T-shirts and trousers instead of denim pants. This will make him look brutal and give him confidence in his attractiveness. After this, the new image will be complemented by a well-groomed look - hairstyle, styling, manicure.

The finish will be spectacular details designed to impress - branded watches, gold bracelets, rings, cufflinks and hairpins made of precious metals.

Always nearby

The way to understand that a handsome married man is deeply in love with you is his desire to spend more time together. Such a person accompanies the girl to business lunches, attends meetings where she speaks, and offers to accompany her or take her home. Also, the guy periodically tries to attract attention, involves him in joint communication, and is interested in business and work. Such behavior may not be noticeable right away, but periodically the girl will begin to notice that the guy is always trying to be nearby.

What to do if you fall in love with a married man, but he doesn’t want to change anything

It also happens that for some reason a man cannot leave his family for the woman he loves. He may be restrained from such an act by small children, general financial obligations and other circumstances. Obviously, you shouldn't waste time on such a relationship, but the feelings can be stronger. In such circumstances, psychologists recommend adhering to the following rules that will help you perceive the situation more easily:

  1. Don't tell his wife about your affair. Perhaps women think that this will speed up the process of your connection. In fact, it's more likely to play a bad joke. The man will be disappointed in you and will blame you for manipulating him.
  2. Put your interests first. A woman should not turn into a housekeeper who cooks dinner, does laundry and listens to complaints. Don't burden yourself, do it occasionally. Let this be a gift and a pleasant surprise for a man.
  3. Do not discuss his wife with him, or your relationship with other people. Let you create the illusion of your wife’s absence, but it will be easier for everyone.
  4. Be on the lookout and open to new relationships. Most often, a married lover is a temporary man who you shouldn’t get hung up on. Don’t give all your attention only to him, be constantly among people, go on dates. This will increase the chances of meeting your other half.

Timely dotting of the “i”s

To prevent you from falling in love with your lover, remember the second golden rule: agree in advance with your partner about the boundaries of what is permitted. This means that he should also be aware of your true relationship. Do not allow words of love from him. Stop these attempts. Remind him that you love your husband and are cheating on him with him, for example, only to satisfy your sexual appetites.

Fell in love with a married colleague

Why is this case more difficult than others? The fact that you will have to pretend at work that absolutely nothing binds you until you make a final decision. On the other hand, there are a large number of advantages. The first is that you have common interests and acquaintances if you work together. Secondly, it will be easier for you to get to know each other, since you are constantly in each other’s sight. You can make a decision to be together or not faster than for people who previously have no common ground.

Why do women fall in love with married men?

We think that there is no clear answer to this question. A married man most often knows how to take responsibility for another person, has experience in family life, is ready to build a serious relationship, and has a stable income. It is not always so. But representatives of the stronger sex, who have once decided to propose, are somewhat different from the eternal wanderers who are afraid to part with their notorious freedom. The latter are often more infantile, selfish and less responsible.

Probably, if a woman likes a married man, then she is looking for a serious partner to build her family with.

There are situations when an unavailable man attracts female hunters. They wonder if they can get their hands on the “victim.” At the same time, homewreckers do not always pursue the goal of getting married. They may be driven by the desire to assert themselves, to prove to themselves that she is better than her wife.

In any case, love triangles or squares are geometric shapes that always have a weak angle. Relationships can be harmonious when they represent an infinity sign, in which two lines flow into one another, creating two free spaces.

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