What to do if your husband offends you? If grievances arise systematically, and completely undeservedly. When a relationship is at the bouquet-candy stage, we do not notice many of the shortcomings of our chosen one. During this period, everything seems rosy.
But after a while, when family life begins, some negative character traits begin to manifest themselves too actively. And then the question arises - why didn’t I notice this before, and how to deal with it now.
Why does a man offend a woman, what to do to get rid of constant attacks against him, especially if they are undeserved. This issue should be examined in more detail.
So, let's look at the main reasons for constant insults and humiliation on the part of a spouse.
Why does a drunk person become aggressive?
Alcohol is a drug that literally causes fog . Under the influence of the “green serpent,” even the most calm, good-natured person can turn into a strong aggressor, tyrant, or monster. He behaves inappropriately, aggressively, starts fights, swears, constantly argues, pesters others.
It is worth noting! Aggression when drinking alcohol can occur in anyone, both light drinkers and those who constantly drink alcohol.
Why can a person become aggressive after drinking alcohol? Psychologists identify several causes of this condition that need to be known and understood.
Consequences of intoxication
Aggression after alcohol in men often occurs due to severe intoxication. This may occur as a result of the effects of ethanol on certain parts of the brain. During this process, primal instincts are released and decreases . All this leads to profound changes in habitual behavior.
It has been established that aggressiveness and behavioral reactions may differ, depending on the stage of dependence on alcohol. Namely:
- The first stage of addiction. At this stage, the longest period of the intoxication phase is in a state of euphoria and relaxation. However, all this can quickly develop into a feeling of irritability and dissatisfaction;
- Second and third stages of addiction. These stages of intoxication are constantly accompanied by aggressiveness and bad behavior of the alcoholic. It is important to remember that ethanol at these stages no longer brings a feeling of pleasure and relaxation. A person drinks alcohol not for relaxation, but because he needs it.
Based on this, it is possible to determine at what stage the alcoholic is. If at the first stage aggressiveness is not very pronounced, then at the second stage irritability and anger can arise almost immediately and for no reason.
Impact of external factors
The aggressive state that occurs after drinking alcohol can often be caused by other, extraneous circumstances. For example, a drunk person may experience anger, dissatisfaction with groundless jealousy , he may feel threatened or in danger.
In most cases, discontent, fear, reproaches, and reproaches on the part of the alcoholic appear due to the activity inflamed brain under the influence of alcohol. But in fact, there are no provoking factors; his intoxicated brain invents and imposes them on its own.
Presence of psychosomatic diseases
The manifestation of aggression after consuming drinks containing alcohol occurs due to existing pathologies. Reasons for inappropriate behavior include:
- Head injuries;
- Pathological personality traits;
- The presence of mental illnesses. They can be congenital or acquired due to prolonged alcohol consumption.
It is these reasons that are considered pathologies that are psychosomatic in nature. In this case, aggression can occur even when drinking alcohol in a small dose .
Ways to combat alcohol aggression in men
The main problem with an aggressive state in drunk people is that they do not realize the danger of their actions. Men in a drunken state will insult others, try to fight with them, damage nearby objects, and sometimes whatever is at hand, including weapons, can be used. A drunk person is unlikely to decide to stop on his own only when he is completely exhausted, so in most cases it is up to those around him to stop his aggressive actions. In many families, wives are left to pacify their husbands when they drink heavily.
There are several recognized behavioral strategies that help calm a drinker to curb his aggression. All of the behavior patterns listed below do not require the use of great physical force, so they can also be used by fragile women to pacify a drunken husband.
Here are the main strategies:
Complete calm. A rather complex strategy that involves talking to a drunk person in an even, calm tone without raising your voice, regardless of provocations and insults. Cold shower . A rather dangerous method, which can be considered decisive and calm requests to stop aggression, the use of cold water splashed in the face or a directed stream under the shower - sometimes such actions help to reason with a drunk person and bring him to his senses. However, there is a possibility of the opposite effect - the aggression will worsen. This method is more often used in cases of verbal aggression, because it will more likely provoke a person who wants to fight to continue his actions.
Distraction or full compliance. Quite controversial tactics, but in some cases they work, and they go well together. With a drunk person you just need to completely agree on everything, without being distracted from your affairs
You can try to divert the drunken person’s attention to other things, even to the next portion of alcohol - the result is important here. In this way, the wife can get the opportunity to sneak out of the apartment unnoticed while her husband is busy with something, at least for a short time.
The methods listed above can most often help temporarily curb verbal aggression, but they generally do not work against physical aggression. The effectiveness of each of them depends on the individual and the case. But sometimes they turn out to be useless or have the opposite effect, and the most effective means against the aggressor is only a police squad.
What you definitely need to refrain from in situations with aggressive behavior while intoxicated is arguing and sorting things out with a drunk person; you cannot show him weakness and fear. This has never helped any wife cope with a raging drunken husband. Here, the aggression of a drunken person can completely get out of control, and no methods can be used to curb it.
After drinking alcohol, a person completely loses the ability to control his reaction to the events and people around him, which means he cannot behave adequately. This practically insane state is accompanied by changes in self-esteem, all kinds of mental pathologies and serious dysfunctions of the central nervous system as a result of intoxication of the body. and aggression are inextricably linked.
How not to behave with an aggressive drunk
After drinking alcohol, an alcoholic quickly becomes dissatisfied and aggressive; this is a common phenomenon. In this state, they become meticulous , constantly getting into fights, arguing, clinging. If a sober person quickly bypasses a group of drunk and loud people and goes unnoticed, then a drunk person, on the contrary, will approach them and provoke them into a fight.
But what should a wife do when her husband comes home very drunk and constantly pesters, insults, provokes a scandal and a fight? Many cannot tolerate ridicule, humiliation, or beatings, so they try to add a huge dose of sleeping pills or sedatives to their next glass of vodka or bottle of beer. So they want to quickly calm down their drunken husband and put him to bed.
But still you shouldn’t do this for several reasons:
- Strong sedatives can react with ethanol, which can cause serious health problems. And sometimes they can lead to death . The wife will be to blame for the death of her husband, no one will even understand this;
- Adding various medicines to food and drinks without the person’s knowledge is a serious crime under the current legislation of the Russian Federation. An exhausted wife can become a criminal and face criminal law.
You should not get into a fight with a drunkard, much less defend yourself from him. Under no circumstances is it recommended to use heavy objects or try to fight back with them. It is worth remembering that a blow can seriously injure a person and kill him.
And as a result, the wife will again be to blame. And if a woman is physically weak, then even a weak blow will only provoke the drunk, he can beat her severely or even kill her.
The main advice of a psychologist
Once you have found out the reason for the aggression towards you, you need to start taking action.
Psychologists advise:
- Don't yell back at your husband or be aggressive. Keep calm. Don't be like his behavior. It’s better to tell him that you are very hurt and offended when he does this. Let him feel ashamed that he offended you.
- Don't tell everyone about your husband's behavior. Don't take quarrels out in public. After all, if you make up soon, then these rumors may reach him, and he will again become aggressive towards you.
- Get yourself in order. Both externally and internally. Become more confident, bolder, more graceful and beautiful.
- Invite your husband to visit the places where it all began for you , which have become very dear to you. Let them remind you of your tender feelings, of your trembling dates and first kisses. This way you can reassure your husband and return his old feelings.
- Review your wedding photo album , your favorite films. Go to a concert together, unwind. Fill your relationships with positive emotions so that there is no place for insults and yelling in your life.
- Talk to your spouse about how to eradicate the reasons that cause such negative reactions. Try to find a compromise together so that this doesn't happen again.
- Try to calm your husband down with your tenderness and affection. Tell him that you understand him, that a lot has fallen on him, that he no longer has enough strength and patience, and that’s why he became like this. Ask how you can help him, what can you do for him? Then, perhaps, your husband will understand that you are not his enemy, but that you are on his side. In this way, you will reassure your husband and be able to restore a trusting and harmonious relationship with him.
If a man does not stop humiliating you, then perhaps he feeds on your energy, and it gives him pleasure. Nothing will help here. There is only one piece of advice - leave!
What to do if your husband hits you?
The worst thing that can happen in a relationship is assault. But this, alas, also happens. What to do in this case?
- You must immediately show your spouse that this is unacceptable for you! Explain to your husband that you do not intend to tolerate this.
- Under no circumstances should you find an excuse for him. After all, by forgiving him, you will only untie his hands even more.
- After this act, threaten him with the police or tell him that you will tell your loved ones everything, you have someone to stand up for you. And kick your husband out of the house. Or leave on your own. The husband must realize all the bitterness of the act he has committed. He must understand that he cannot do this to you!
- If a husband beats constantly, then he simply needs psychological help. After all, this is already a tyrant man. He has a lot of complexes and a huge lack of confidence in himself, first of all. In this case, only a psychologist can help him figure it out. But he must come to this consciously!
If the husband is not going to change, then there is only one way out - to run away from him as soon as possible. And don’t put yourself or your child at risk anymore.
What to do if your ex-husband humiliates you?
It also happens that you seem to be already divorced, but your ex-husband humiliates you...
There may be several reasons for this:
- He has been angry with you since he was married.
- There is a lot left unsaid.
- Perhaps he regretted that you broke up and wants to get you back. But you don't accept him back, so he gets aggressive.
- If you forbid him to see the child, then the ex may begin to insult you.
- He found out that you were speaking unfavorably about him.
When you see that your ex-husband wants to communicate with the child, and you forbid him, you cause another scandal. Why do you need this? Understand him too! And give a chance to establish a relationship with the child.
Don’t say anything bad about your ex-husband, because these conversations will soon reach him and cause a wave of indignation. He was once your spouse, respect your choice. If you said something bad about your ex, and he found out about it, sincerely apologize to him so that he does not have any more reasons to insult you.
If your husband is angry about something long ago, and there are a lot of unsaid things, then bring him out for a calm conversation. Discuss everything that worries both of you, and this may be quite enough to maintain a peaceful, civilized relationship.
Well, when you can’t come to peace, then try to reduce your communication to a minimum. Or stop communicating altogether.
How to protect yourself and your children
Your child receives enormous harm from your husband’s humiliation. Children are very sensitive to parental conflicts. They let everything pass through themselves and remember it for the rest of their lives.
We think that the child does not understand anything yet and is removed from conflicts. But in fact, it is the mother who is the child’s protection and support, and when she is insulted, the baby does not feel protected either. He begins to feel fear and irritation. Subsequently, parental conflicts have a very negative impact on the child’s psyche, disrupting it.
Therefore, in a situation where a husband humiliates his wife in front of a child, the psychologist’s advice is clear - stop it immediately!
You can take the child to the grandmothers and talk to your husband alone. Find out the reason for this behavior, explain your point of view, and promise each other: not to raise your voice and no longer insult each other!
If this cannot be done, then it is possible to seek help from psychologists and attend psychological trainings. But this can only help if the husband also wants to improve. And if he doesn’t really care, and he doesn’t want to change and continues to humiliate you, then don’t injure yourself or your child - leave!
How to quickly calm down
Aggression after alcohol in women and men is a common occurrence; this condition causes dissatisfaction in a person, he constantly runs into fights, insults, and humiliates. All this can cause unpleasant feelings among others, but there is no need to respond to an alcoholic, it is important to calm him down , this can prevent unpleasant consequences and strong fights.
Psychologists recommend at these moments to take your own will into a fist; there is no need to respond to aggression with irritability, this will only provoke the drunk. At the initial stage, you need to try to calm the drunkard down; you need to talk to him quietly and calmly. To do this, you should sit next to him, talk quietly, lightly touching him with your hand while talking. A woman must calm him down and instill confidence.
to a safe place as quickly as possible . At this moment, it is better not to remain alone with the aggressor, otherwise disastrous consequences may arise.
Experts say that when a person is very drunk, you should not respond to his aggression with irritability or rudeness, this can be disastrous .
The psyche of a person who is in a state of intoxication is inadequate and unpredictable. Many even harmless words can cause even greater irritation and anger in a drunkard.
Stopped drinking, anger appeared
Often, the wives of men who have stopped drinking note that their spouses have become literally unbearable, their character has changed, they have become angrier, etc. Indeed, aggression after quitting alcohol is by no means a rare phenomenon. Doctors associate this condition with post-alcohol depression and withdrawal syndrome, which occur in the first 3-5 days after stopping the use of strong drinks.
- Post-alcohol depression requires mandatory medical intervention. Physiologically manifests itself as convulsions, tremors and nervous system hyperactivity. A person is in a deep psychological crisis, in which he lacks positive emotions, goals and meaning in life;
- Post-alcohol depression, in the absence or ineffectiveness of treatment, develops into post-withdrawal depression, which is much more dangerous. Outwardly, a person lives fully, returns to his previous way of life. But now he does not have the opportunity to relieve tension with alcohol, so he does not experience euphoria, is deprived of peace, is not satisfied with life, is aggressive and angry towards himself and others.
Protracted psychological crises sometimes go away on their own, but the person completely changes, and sometimes, as a substitute treatment, he begins to use drugs, engage in extreme hobbies, become a gambling addict, etc.
How to help at home
Help at home can only be provided to accommodating drunkards who make contact and listen to words. If the intoxication is not severe, then you can refuse to use strong medications. In this case, may well help :
- The first step is to rinse the stomach with a weak solution of baking soda;
- Next, you need to take a solution of ammonia. 45 drops of ammonia are dissolved in 200 ml of boiled water. The finished composition is drunk;
- Afterwards, it is recommended to use an adsorbent; activated carbon, Polysorb, Enterosgel are ideal. These products will help cleanse the stomach of ethanol residues. They must be taken in accordance with the instructions ;
- The body's fluid reserves must be restored. This is done by drinking plenty of fluids . For these purposes, you can use homemade compotes, fruit drinks, berries, chamomile-based decoctions, and teas.
After the drunken state has become more or less normal, he will begin to think better and understand that he needs to be taken out into the fresh air , for a walk. This will completely remove the remnants of alcohol from his body and sober up.
Extreme case
How to behave if your tyrant husband goes to extremes every time he drinks
How to behave if your tyrant husband goes to extremes every time he drinks? In this case, you will have to attract someone to protect you. But always remember that it should not be just a friend or relative who, in a fit of defense, can harm a drunkard and incur criminal liability for this. It is best to call the police and no longer be afraid of publicity. Remember, the longer you delay the moment your husband is punished, the more danger you expose yourself to. Perhaps, once he finds himself in a pre-trial detention cell, the rowdy will calm down and next time he will abandon the idea of domestic violence. If the aggressor does not give in to any moral teaching, and every time he tries to lay his hand on you or the children, without hesitation, leave him. Otherwise, trouble is not far away. Believe me, life in peace and without a tyrant husband is much better than life with a drinking despot husband. Even if it will be difficult at first.
Help from doctors
If a drunkard, after drinking alcoholic beverages, regularly demonstrates attacks of aggression to his loved ones, makes scandals, humiliates, and lets loose his hands, then this will be a direct reason to organize for him full-fledged treatment for alcohol addiction. The process of sobering up in a medical facility is much faster than at home.
To remove toxic substances from the body, ethanol residues, medical specialists in clinics usually use special medications. The following procedures must be followed:
- Infusion therapy (installation of IVs);
- Dialysis procedures – cleansing the body of alcohol metabolites;
- Plasmapheresis – cleansing the blood of toxins and waste.
Carrying out these procedures allows you to completely cleanse the body of toxins and alcohol metabolites. Doctors prescribe several sessions to ensure that all toxins are completely removed from the digestive organs and blood.
It is worth remembering that aggression from alcohol can manifest itself in anyone; its causes lie in character traits, as well as in the effect of ethanol on consciousness. This is inevitable, so experts advise how to behave correctly with a drunkard. There is no need to quarrel with him or respond with irritation, this will only spur the alcoholic and he may become even angrier. It is better at these moments to leave the apartment or house, leave the drunk alone, and spend the night in another place. The right approach will help prevent dangerous consequences.
What you need to do urgently if your husband has just started drinking
The initial stage of alcoholism is a time that should not be missed. It is easier to prevent a disease than to fight it later.
What should the wife do at this stage:
- find out the reason why your life partner began to drink the bottle by calmly talking to him;
- analyze your behavior - perhaps it was this that pushed the other half to drink alcohol;
- ask your husband not to abuse alcohol , explaining that this will not end well;
- tell your family and friends about the problem - let them talk with the novice alcoholic and convince him not to succumb to his addiction;
- find a new hobby, change your image, go to work, etc. – this often stimulates men to exhibit exemplary behavior;
- Praise your husband more often , appreciate and respect him.
