There are people who calmly exist with each other, without any insults or quarrels. Their relationship just seems peaceful, but in reality such people are not “connected” with each other. Their relationship is stable only on the surface. There is no sensory connection in them. This can only be understood after some time.
When partners want to talk about something very important, they will find that there is no support or understanding. And as a result, conflict will arise. There are couples who calmly resolve their conflicts. But there are also those who passionately disagree with each other and often raise their voices.
Common reasons for lack of a sense of humor
To learn how to joke, you must first determine the prerequisites that influenced the formation of the current problem. A sense of humor is not transmitted to a person at the genetic level, so complaining about relatives is not a practical solution. It is preferable to take a closer look at a number of common reasons that could provoke a lack of wit:
Stereotypical thinking accompanied by underdeveloped intelligence
People who are not smart have a hard time coming up with “sparkling” answers in a humorous style, causing a range of positive emotions in others. When the mind comes up with a suitable joke, it will no longer be relevant.
Straightforwardness and excessive harshness in expressing one’s own thoughts
A person who does not know how to quickly navigate an unfamiliar environment gets used to speaking concisely, without saturating his speech with witty phrases, aphorisms and humorous sayings. Over time, such a model of communication becomes a standard from which it is extremely difficult to move away. Stinginess with words and the laughter of the crowd are antonyms that are incompatible in the real world.
Cowardice and the presence of a variety of fears that cause internal conflict of the individual.
Phobias lurking in a person’s subconscious are common reasons that prevent one from expressing one’s thoughts in the desired format. A person cannot shake the feeling that he can say something stupid, remain misunderstood by society, and cause laughter at himself, and not at the joke. In the current situation, fearful people prefer to remain silent, avoiding a negative outcome of events.
Lack of self-sufficiency and self-doubt
An abundance of negative thoughts overwhelming a person’s consciousness is a prerequisite for the degradation of moral character. If the personal image is not endowed with a variety of strong-willed qualities, then it is almost impossible to become a sought-after comedian. To change the current format of the problem, you need to develop morality in yourself and learn to accept your own shortcomings and advantages.
Excessive self-confidence, accompanied by pride and self-esteem
Stupid and inappropriate jokes that only cause bewilderment among others are the result of excessive pomposity and self-confidence. People who consider themselves successful comedians, but do not prove this fact in practice, do not evoke positive emotions among the crowd. If you do not change your worldview in time, then there is a risk of being alone with your ego, experiencing a feeling of loneliness.
Unfavorable heredity
Lack of a sense of humor is a problem from childhood caused by the wrong model of education that parents adhered to in the process of raising their offspring. Jokes were not allowed in the family, and witty answers were nipped in the bud. Adults valued conciseness of thought and sobriety of mind, accompanied by rationality. Over time, the child’s ability to bring smiles to the faces of those around him atrophied.
An established pattern of communication with friends and colleagues
Due to a number of factors, jokes are not welcomed in some companies, so people prefer to talk in a calm and peaceful environment, adhering to a business style in dialogue. When humor is completely absent in daily communication, in unusual situations a person prefers to be guided by a proven model of behavior, avoiding witty statements and “sparkling” phrases.
In a laughing person experiencing a whole range of positive emotions, certain areas of the brain are in an active state, producing endorphin - the hormone of joy and happiness.
Conflict Resolution Tool
Your tactics in a conflict situation largely determine the stability of your relationship. Humor helps reduce tension. Kind, slightly frivolous jokes help turn a quarrel into a reason to have fun.
Humor is not a panacea, it is only a tool, but a very powerful and effective one. Free from malicious sarcasm or caustic ridicule, it neutralizes conflict by helping you:
- End the power struggle, instantly easing tensions.
- Show spontaneity.
- Weaken your own defenses.
- Overcome internal inhibitions.
And most importantly, laughter allows us to open our hearts.
Useful tips for developing a sense of humor
Having decided on the reasons, it is important to realize in time the scale of the current situation in order to identify cherished goals and desired results. If you want to develop a sense of humor, you will first have to “work” with your personal appearance. Get rid of phobias and fears by adding positive qualities to your image. During the learning process, adhere to the following recommendations:
- Develop a positive mindset that will allow you to notice surprising and interesting aspects in everyday life. There are many directions in humor, differing in the form of expression of thoughts - sarcasm, irony, ridiculing one’s own mistakes. Try to see positive aspects in current events in order to constantly be on your toes.
- Remember to be careful when making jokes about other people. A word can hurt a person’s inner world, ruining friendly relationships. Even in black humor there are invisible lines that cannot be crossed during dialogue. If you are not fluent in this area, then it is not recommended to hone your skills on strangers.
- Learn to listen and perceive the healthy humor of your interlocutors, eliminating envy and bitterness from the set of personal qualities. Be happy for the person who told a funny joke, enjoying a positive spectrum of emotions. If your friend failed to make others laugh, then do not rush to blame him for this. Treat your friend with understanding, supporting your friend in the current situation with an approving smile.
- Treat current situations more simply, perceiving a series of events as another test of fate or temporary difficulties. If you get upset because of a number of negative factors, then you will not be able to increase your self-esteem and develop a defensive reaction to the world around you. Humor is an effective way to see the positives even in negative moments, while being ironic about troubles.
- For a short period of time, give up sentimentality and compassion , because jokes about making fun of your opponent’s shortcomings are especially popular among people. If you are interested in presenting a mistake that your counterpart made, you can get a storm of applause, accompanied by sincere laughter from the crowd. Be sure to take into account that the interlocutor may answer you in the same way, so it is important to first learn how to accept criticism from others.
- Develop associative thinking and imagination, not being afraid to fantasize about the variety of events that happen every day in the world. There are so many interesting events around that you cannot miss the opportunity to take advantage of them.
- Use literary devices to formulate your own thoughts. Litotes and hyperboles, metaphors and comparisons, personifications and epithets - such speech “units” allow you to speak beautifully, causing admiration from others.
The main advice of psychologists and relaxed people with a sense of humor is to practice regularly, improving already acquired skills
Notice interesting moments in everyday life, learn to play out ordinary situations in an original way, strive to make people smile by presenting your own mistakes and misdeeds in an unusual way.
Don't use humor to mask other emotions or cover up problems.
There are times when sarcasm is used as a cover for hurt, fear, frustration, anger that you cannot express.
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Ignoring the truth and your own feelings is not funny. This creates mistrust in the relationship. Tell your loved one about what is bothering you.
How to learn to joke: effective exercises
If you want to develop a sense of humor, then know that there are no 100% methods by which you can learn to joke. Trainings conducted under the auspices of such formulations are aimed at instilling confidence and determination in a person. The fundamental factor is your desire on the path to your cherished goal. However, practicing psychologists and popular comedians recommend improving existing skills through the following set of exercises:
Imagination
Take a piece of paper and a pen and write one meaningful sentence in which the words begin with the same letter. First of all, completing such a task may require a lot of time. However, the smile on your face that appears after reading the resulting opus is an effective way to help develop positive thinking.
Ambiguity of expressions
In the Russian language there are many words that have an identical structure, but differ in meaning. Forming sentences using such phrases allows you to learn how to navigate a dialogue, because aphorisms are invariably deposited in the depths of the subconscious. For example: “This is a difficult case! Why did you pick it up?”
A game of contrasts
Antonymous concepts and observation become indispensable “helpers” in making jokes. If you meet a person whose clothes are stained with dirt, you can ask him a question - “Are you wearing dry cleaners?”
Consonances
Interesting expressions and successful jokes can be invented based on literary techniques - assonance and alliteration, which involve the repetition of vowels and consonants, respectively. Also use words that are similar in structure but different in meaning. For example: “If a girl has broken all the dishes in the house, then it is dangerous to break them.”
If you learn to bring smiles to the faces of those around you, you will become a relaxed and sociable person who knows how to navigate unpleasant situations. Life built on positive thinking takes on completely different perspectives. Don't forget about the feelings of your interlocutor and try to notice interesting events happening around. Practice and enjoy the range of positive emotions that can brighten up your “gray” everyday life. The main thing is to find the invisible line that distinguishes healthy humor from bad jokes.
Let your inner child do its thing
As children, we were all naturally playful. We didn't worry about other people's reactions.
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And you can awaken this quality in yourself again.
- Tell and listen to jokes.
- Sing in the shower. Watch funny movies or TV series.
- Dance when no one is home.
- Dream.
- Play games.
Everyone should find pleasant activities that help them relax and build easy, relaxed relationships with loved ones.
The more often you joke, laugh, play and dance, the easier it becomes.
God's gift or mysticism
To understand where the sense of humor comes from, it is necessary to understand its derivative - laughter. This is where all theories on this topic begin.
“It’s very simple: the higher brain functions of the left hemisphere decode puns and/or funny visual images into structural information that goes to the “creative” right hemisphere. - Says American neurologist William Fry, “This is where the emotional (limbic) system releases appropriate chemicals that dramatically improve our mood, making us laugh.”
This is all true, of course, other “humor theorists” agree, but the question is how the limbic system recognizes that it is funny, and how funny.
Raymond Smulyan, author of the famous book “A Planet Without Laughter,” in this regard, said that modern clues to why “this is funny and that is not” are psychological puzzles that have not yet found a reasonable explanation. They say that a variety of scientists, discussing this topic for a long time and tediously, ultimately state that “humor is a gift from God or an inexplicable mystery associated with mysticism.”
Self acceptance
People with a good sense of humor are prone to self-irony and, as a result, deep introspection. Proof of this is the widespread popularity of the stand-up comedian movement. People from the stage talk about their thoughts, observations, problems and often about their so-called “pain”, which is often mentioned by members of the jury of the TV show “Open Microphone” on the TNT channel and, concurrently, by the first stand-up comedians in Russia.
It is precisely because of the ability to look “inside themselves” that people with a good sense of humor react more easily to their own failures and shortcomings.
