Tips and recommendations from psychologists to help raise happy children

A child psychologist is a specialist who helps adults understand what is happening to their child, helps him overcome the psychological difficulties that have arisen, and establish contact between the child and the adult.

Usually, in the process of psychological work, a child psychologist includes not only the child, but also the parents. The work of a specialist is aimed at identifying the causes of the problem and finding its solutions. A child psychologist understands the peculiarities of a child’s development, the age-related crises through which he goes, the patterns of his psyche, and the importance of various types of activities at certain stages of his life.

What education does a child psychologist have?

A child psychologist, as a rule, has a higher education in psychology. A basic course in developmental and child psychology is included in the mandatory list of disciplines for obtaining higher psychological education. If a psychologist decides to choose a specialization in child psychology, he can take advanced training courses in child psychology, various trainings and seminars.

To become a child psychotherapist, you must obtain a medical education as a psychiatrist.

You can read in detail about the education and work experience of our project psychologist Ekaterina Kes here.

How can a child psychologist help?

A child psychologist will help your child cope with emotional and behavioral problems, difficulties communicating with peers and adults, learning difficulties and many other problems that may arise.

A specialist will help you understand why your child has certain difficulties and what ways to solve the problems that have arisen, and will give you the necessary recommendations.

A psychologist can also engage in educational work and conduct seminars, courses and trainings for parents on various topics in child psychology.

Techniques and methods of work of a psychologist with children

What diagnostic methods does a psychologist use when working with children, why can’t you diagnose a child’s psychological state on your own, how to interpret a child’s reactions—psychologist Marina Andreevna Zhukova talks about all this.

Zhukova Marina Andreevna Psychologist

My name is Zhukova Marina Andreevna. I am a clinical psychologist, specialist in the field of parent-child relationships and the psychology of infancy and early childhood. Today I would like to talk about diagnostic methods that are used in psychological work with children and adolescents.

A parent very often goes to a psychologist and does not know what to expect. In order to reduce this anxiety, today I would like to dwell a little on the techniques and methods that a psychologist usually uses. If a parent comes with a child between the ages of one and three, then, as a rule, the interaction begins first with the parent. In order for a child to feel comfortable, it is necessary to establish such good contact in communication with an adult. When the adult opens up and relaxes, he will signal to the child that the situation the child has found himself in is safe. Therefore, a psychologist very rarely begins to communicate with the child right away. You need to understand that this is done for a reason, but in order to make the parent feel comfortable, and through him, the child would feel good.

As a rule, it is important for a psychologist to understand the characteristics of family relationships, some objective things that happen in the family, say, is it a full family, does the child have brothers and sisters. The psychologist may ask questions regarding some of the child’s self-regulation skills. Does the child know how to feed himself, dress himself, wear diapers or already use the toilet? That is, such things that lie on the surface help the psychologist understand to what age - not biological, not chronological, but precisely psychological - the child who is now in front of him belongs. After contact with the parents has already been established, the psychologist has gotten to know this family a little, and you can begin to interact with the child. As a rule, a psychologist has a large amount of game materials in his office, and they are available. That is, the child can get to know them from the very beginning and play in the way he wants. This is called a free play situation. As a rule, it goes in parallel with a conversation with parents.

The psychologist communicates with the parent and simultaneously observes what is happening with the child. The child can actively explore, inviting the parent, inviting the psychologist to also play with him. May be a little wary, anxious, maybe cling to the parent. There is no correct behavior here. It’s just important for a psychologist to look at what behavior this child who comes to him demonstrates, and on the basis of this he builds further interaction with him. Perhaps, after the second or third meeting, we can move directly to diagnosis. Depending on the request, depending on the parent’s complaints, the psychologist will use different methods. Probably the most common is the method of play therapy, that is, it is a game in which some things are played out that the child deals with in real life, be it relationships with peers, relationships with parents, difficulties with separation - this is a very common topic . As a rule, this is simply implemented in the game's plot.

A psychologist can also use fairy tale therapy. This is a technique that allows you to verbally work out all the same things that happen during the game. The only difference, as a rule, in fairy tale therapy there is a certain wise person, a mentor, or some kind of fairy-tale character who can give the child advice and thus guide him on some path to solve the problem. Personally, I am not a supporter of this approach and always assume that the child himself will best cope with the situation and will be able to find a solution himself if the conditions and framework for this are created. Therefore, if I use fairy tale therapy, as a rule, I try to give the child the role in which he himself must give advice to the character. So that he is not this character, so that he is the sage who can help someone else. This greatly increases self-esteem and instills in the child confidence in his own abilities.

The next method is art therapy. A very common technique that is loved by all professionals is drawing a non-existent animal. The child is asked to draw an animal that does not exist in the real world, which he has never seen in films, games, or cartoons. So that this animal is somehow endowed with some qualities, which the child will then be asked to talk about. Of course, in this case the child uses his own unconscious and realizes some things on paper that he may be dealing with himself. The child then needs to name this animal and tell him what it can do. There are features that a psychologist looks at. A parent can also try this method, but it is dangerous here, because if the parent interprets it on their own, reading, for example, Wikipedia or some other resources, then there is a risk of simply panicking. Although in reality everything is fine with the child, he is just fantasizing. It is not necessary that if the child says that his animal is very lonely, lives in isolation, and is not friends with anyone, that the child’s situation is exactly the same. These fantasies can arise from completely different things, visible only to a professional. Therefore, a parent can play such games with a child, but it is better to leave diagnostic questions to psychologists. Perhaps these are the most popular methods for diagnosing young children.

As for the school period, junior grades, as a rule, diagnosis comes down to the characteristics of interpersonal relationships with peers, with parents and with teachers. There is a wonderful method called the Rene Gilles technique, on which pictures are drawn where such schematically depicted men are located, and the child needs to find himself among these men. Show where it is. This positioning of oneself in a group is very informative for a psychologist. But in addition to this point in society that the child identifies, the psychologist asks a number of questions, and on the basis of them he will be able to form a certain portrait of the child, on the basis of which an intervention can be built and help the child improve interaction in those areas of life in which it is difficult for him. This is just one of the methods, but it is quite bright and informative. I also personally very often resort to a method called the Rosenzweig Frustration Tolerance Technique. What is frustration is a reaction to aggression, it is a kind of disappointment when we encounter some kind of obstacle, and there are several options for how we can react to this. In order for the child to be able to answer the question of how he reacts to an obstacle, he is placed in a situation where he needs to continue his statement. There are characters drawn in the picture, and the character for whom the child needs to complete the phrase, as a rule, is in some very unfortunate situation. He is offended by adults, he is offended by his peers, something does not turn out the way he would like. The child needs to answer as this person would answer. We notice that over time the child begins to endow the character with some of his own characteristics, on the basis of which the psychologist can also form an impression of how the child usually behaves in certain situations. This is also a good way to establish contact with your child and learn more about him. You can ask questions not only about the methodology, but also somehow along the way ask questions about something else, thus creating a more expanded profile.

Date of publication: 02/19/16

What services does a child psychologist provide?

A child psychologist provides consultations for parents, psychological diagnostics (psychodiagnostics) of the child, diagnoses the parenting style used by parents, and conducts individual and group classes with children.

A child psychologist can conduct art therapy, fairy tale therapy, sand and play therapy, and psychocorrectional classes with the child.

A specialist can conduct various educational seminars, courses and trainings for parents.

The child and family psychologist of our project also conducts Skype consultations for parents and diagnoses the parenting style with subsequent recommendations.

Experience as a teacher-psychologist “My approach to work”

Preschool children are children who require a lot of attention and respect, a lot of care and patience, children who need correction of cognitive processes and personal qualities, and relief from emotional stress. Taking into account the individual characteristics of children, their needs, abilities and interests is the most important condition for creating a favorable microclimate and a developing subject-spatial environment. The conditions and environment that are created in kindergarten significantly influence the processes of development, education, correction and socialization of a preschool child. Today, the tasks of strengthening the health of preschool children and shaping their orientation towards a healthy lifestyle are becoming paramount, therefore it is very important that the environment in kindergarten is not just developmental, but also health-preserving. Therefore, my task as a teacher-psychologist, together with educators, is to provide all conditions for the harmonious development of the child, taking into account his individual abilities and capabilities.

I set myself the following goals:

• Psychological support of the educational process in preschool educational institutions in accordance with the requirements of the Federal State Educational Standard for Preschool Education.
• Creating conditions for preserving and strengthening the psychological health of participants in the educational process in accordance with the requirements of the Federal State Educational Standard for Education.

I consider my tasks to be the following:

• Timely identification of children in need of psychological help and creation of conditions for harmonious development.
• Promoting the full mental and personal development of children.
• Providing psychological assistance to children, parents and teachers at all stages of the educational process.
• Promoting the improvement of the psychological competence of preschool teachers and parents in matters of teaching and raising children.

I also highlighted the main directions in my work:

• Psychodiagnostics
• Psychoprophylaxis
• Corrective and developmental.
• Advisory.
• Psychological education.
• Organizational and methodological work.

Forms of work

• observation;
• conversation;
• survey;
• developmental activities;
• trainings;
• consultations.

The main activity of a preschooler is play. And it is in the game that I try to conduct diagnostics with children, as well as build activities. I select colorful, exciting tasks for children that will help me learn about the child’s inner world. With the help of new technologies, I structure my classes in such a way that they are not boring and tedious, but are exciting and interesting, so that the child wants to come back to me again and again.

The following activities are held with children throughout the year:

• Accompanying the child during the adaptation period
• Diagnostics of cognitive processes, as well as the emotional-volitional sphere.
• Diagnosis of readiness for school
• Correctional and developmental classes
• Relieving psycho-emotional stress using various techniques.

There are also children with disabilities in our kindergarten. These are two children diagnosed with autism and a child with Down syndrome.

Work with such children is based on their individual characteristics. Together with teachers and a speech therapist, we developed adapted programs and created individual educational routes.

Constant communication with children requires from me great tact, fairness, humanity, optimism, endurance and self-control. After all, a teacher with tact will be able to find a common language and talk with children, listen to them, showing restraint in any circumstances, choosing a place and time for conversation, understanding and objectively assessing children's actions. Respecting the personality of a little person means seeing him as a developing personality, taking into account his rights, believing in his capabilities, taking his hobbies and interests seriously.

All my work is built in close cooperation with parents. By constantly communicating with parents, I have the opportunity to study each child more deeply and comprehensively. This makes it possible to calmly and thoroughly understand the motives that drive children’s actions and find ways to approach them.

When working with parents I use:

• Questioning
• Individual and group consultations
• Development of brochures, memos
• Attending parent-teacher conferences
• Design of an information and educational folder for parents of all groups “Psychologist’s Page”.
• Preparation and placement of information material on Internet sites, preschool educational institutions.

Let’s also not forget about working with the teaching staff. I have planned various events for this year such as:

• Questioning
• Consultations
• Team cohesion training
• Speech at teachers' meetings, etc.

The pedagogical process is a creative process. I am always on the lookout for innovations and modern technologies. I try not to dwell on the results achieved. I always take part in various educational projects and competitions with interest. I am interested in various techniques and new approaches in psychology. When studying any problem, I try to approach it from several sides and look at it from different positions. I hope that the light that lit up in me back in the 6th grade will burn for a long time and illuminate my future path in the world of psychology.

What problems does a child psychologist work with?

Let's look at a wide range of problems that can arise in a child at different periods of his life and in the event of which it is necessary to seek advice from a specialist.

• Aggressive and impulsive behavior
• isolation,
• whims and hysterics,
• bad habits (biting or biting nails, sucking objects, compulsive masturbation),
• timidity and shyness,
• increased anxiety,
• touchiness,
• stubbornness,
• fears,
• school failure,
• inattention,
• difficulties in retelling the text,
• restlessness,
• poor work in class but excellent work at home,
• difficulties adapting to kindergarten and school,
• problems communicating with peers and adults,
• disorders in the development of cognitive processes (memory, thinking, attention, child’s speech),
• low self-esteem and self-doubt,
• increased excitability and hyperactivity,
• the child does not want to study, does not master the material,
• psychosomatic problems (enuresis, encopresis),
• jealousy and rivalry between brothers and sisters.

You can also contact a psychologist to get recommendations on preparing your child for kindergarten and check school readiness before entering 1st grade.

Recommendations for parents

RECOMMENDATIONS BY A PSYCHOLOGIST FOR PARENTS FOR EVERY DAY

1. Tell your son or daughter: “People should feel at ease with you.” Don't be afraid to repeat it.

2. When you scold a child, do not use expressions: “You always”, “You in general”, “You always”. Your child is generally and always good, he just did something wrong today, tell him about it.

3. Do not part with your child in a quarrel, first make peace, and then go about your business.

4. Try to keep the child attached to the house; when returning home, do not forget to say: “But still, how nice it is at home.”

5. Instill in your child the long-known mental health formula: “You are good, but not better than others.”

6. Our conversations with children are often poor, so read a good book out loud with your children (even with a teenager) every day, this will greatly enrich your spiritual communication.

7. When arguing with your child, give in at least sometimes, so that they don’t feel like they are always in the wrong. This will teach you and your children to give in, admit mistakes and defeats.

PSYCHOLOGIST'S RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PARENTS

I would like to dwell on the recommendations that must be followed at the preparation stage so as not to discourage the child from learning.

Avoid excessive demands. Don’t ask your child everything at once. Your requirements must correspond to the level of development of his skills and cognitive abilities. Do not forget that such important and necessary qualities as diligence, accuracy, and responsibility are not formed immediately. The child is still learning to manage himself, organize his activities and really needs support, understanding and approval from adults. The task of fathers and mothers is to be patient and help the child.

The right to make a mistake. It is important that the child is not afraid to make mistakes. If something doesn’t work out for him, don’t scold him. Otherwise, he will be afraid to make mistakes and will believe that he can’t do anything. Even as an adult, when he learns something new, he doesn’t succeed in everything right away. If you notice a mistake, draw the child’s attention to it and offer to correct it. And be sure to praise. Praise for every tiny success.

Don't think for the child. When helping your child complete a task, do not interfere with everything he does. Otherwise, the child will begin to think that he is not able to cope with the task on his own. Don’t think or decide for him, otherwise he will very quickly understand that he has no need to study, his parents will still help solve everything.

Don't miss the first difficulties. Pay attention to any difficulties your child has and contact specialists as needed. If your child has health problems, be sure to get treatment, as future academic loads can significantly worsen the child’s condition. If something bothers you in your behavior, do not hesitate to seek help and advice from a psychologist. If your child has speech problems, see a speech therapist.

Have holidays. Be sure to have small celebrations. It’s not at all difficult to come up with a reason for this. Rejoice in his success. May you and your child be in a good mood.

Children with choleric temperament:

· Active, quickly get down to business and bring it to the end.

· They love mass games and competitions, often organizing them themselves.

· Active in class, easily involved in work.

· They find it difficult to perform activities that require smooth movements, a slow and calm pace.

· They show impatience, abrupt movements, impetuosity, so he can make a lot of mistakes, write letters unevenly, not complete words, etc.

· Unrestrained, hot-tempered, incapable of self-control in emotional circumstances.

· Touchy and angry, states of resentment and anger can be stable and long-lasting.

Recommendations for teachers and parents:

· Develop in the child the ability to inhibit himself and undesirable reactions.

· We must constantly and persistently demand calm and thoughtful answers, calm and unsharp movements.

· Cultivate restraint in behavior and relationships with friends and adults.

· In work activities, cultivate consistency, accuracy and order in work.

· Encourage initiative.

· Speak in an emphatically calm, quiet voice.

Activities and hobbies.

The main thing is to turn this frantic energy in the right direction. Cholerics are especially recommended to engage in active sports - this will give an outlet to the desire for leadership, training will teach them to control their movements and calculate their strength. A choleric person needs a lot of living space, spend more time with him in nature and do not forget that, left to his own devices, a fearless choleric person can easily get into an unpleasant adventure. It's better to explore unfamiliar places with him.

To compensate for excessive haste and inattention, help him realize that quality is often much more important than speed. Your motto is less is more! To strengthen the inhibitory processes, engage in designing, drawing, manual labor, and needlework with him. Remember that you will have to constantly ensure that he checks his work and completes it to the end. Try not to get irritated if he is distracted, and encourage any display of diligence and patience in every possible way. Teach him to first pronounce out loud, then to himself, the stages of work and follow his plan.

Communication.

It is especially important to teach him how to establish relationships in a team - you cannot be with him all the time. Encourage your child to analyze his behavior, sort out conflict situations with him, discuss books and films, talk through options for correct behavior.

Self-control will be helped by simple counting to yourself and breathing exercises. Show him a way to release accumulated emotions - let him hit a punching bag, throw a pillow into a corner: anything is better than taking out his anger in public.

His desire to be first can also be used for peaceful purposes. Give him the role of an explainer, a teacher, and you will have a good chance, playing on the leader’s pride, to teach him to be more patient and attentive. Just don’t let it happen - constantly emphasize that an adult, experienced person knows how to control his emotions and take into account the interests of other people.

A choleric child loves to read about heroic deeds and adventures - admire the endurance, patience and foresight of his favorite characters, buy books where heroes win precisely through willpower and the ability to get along with people around them. Under no circumstances should you shame him in front of everyone, don’t use “good boy Vasya” as an example, this will only cause anger.

Do you recognize your child in this description? Then be patient and try to understand that the choleric person himself would be glad to learn to control himself - help him.

Sanguine children

· They are distinguished by great liveliness.

· Always ready to take part in any task and often take on many things at once.

· They can quickly lose interest in the work they have started.

· They take an ardent part in games, but during the game they tend to constantly change their role.

· They can easily get offended and cry, but they quickly forget the grievances.

· Tears quickly give way to a smile or laughter.

· Emotional experiences are often shallow.

· Mobility often results in a lack of proper concentration, haste, and sometimes superficiality.

Recommendations for the teacher:

· Cultivate perseverance, stable interests, and a more serious attitude towards any business.

· Learn to be responsible for your promises

· To make one feel the benefits of fidelity in friendship and sympathy.

Recommendations for teachers and parents: activities and hobbies. Sanguine people also need an active lifestyle, but in sports they will not strongly strive for results. They are interested in the process itself, find him a good, friendly coach and don’t try to make him a professional athlete against his wishes. Parents should place the main emphasis in classes on the ability to focus on the work being done and bring it to the end. Construction sets, puzzles, crafts, model building and other games that require attention and care will help develop composure and accuracy. You can be demanding with sanguine people and, of course, you shouldn’t go too far. You may well ask him to redo the work and evaluate the result yourself.

You should not support a sanguine person in his desire to frequently change activities. Help him explore more deeply the subject he has taken up. Usually, it is important to help such children overcome the threshold of the next difficulties, and they will get to work with renewed vigor. If this is not done, the child will continue to give up his next hobby as soon as it requires unusual efforts from him.

It is very important to encourage the perseverance of such children, diligence and determination and gradually raise the bar of requirements, achieving sustainability and effectiveness.

Don’t let him miss classes too often if he attends a club, make sure that he doesn’t forget about the “little things” in the work, point out to him how sloppy and unreliable his product looks if it is made without observing the “unnecessary”, in your opinion child, rules, patiently teach him to complete his homework or drawing. And, of course, praise him, rejoice at his successes, be surprised at the results and tell him how interesting it will be later, when he makes even more progress in his studies.

Communication. Discuss with your child his relationships with peers and loved ones, encourage him to think about what in his behavior can offend or please others. Try to interest him in the theater club.

Is your child just that “sunshine”? Then forgive him for his inconstancy - this is not a vice, but a feature of his temperament. Help him correct his character, and he will grow up to be a reliable, stress-resistant, sociable and successful person.

Children of phlegmatic temperament

· Feelings are poorly expressed.

· Calm and even behavior.

· Uncommunicative, do not touch or offend anyone.

· If they are called to a quarrel, they usually try to avoid it.

· Not prone to active and noisy games.

· Not touchy and usually not inclined to have fun.

Recommendations for teachers and parents:

· Help overcome some of their laziness.

· Develop greater mobility and sociability.

· Do not allow them to show indifference to activities, lethargy, or inertia.

· Force students to work more often in class.

· Arouse in them an emotional attitude towards what they and their comrades are doing.

Activities and hobbies. Don’t be afraid to trust your child; he is responsible and thorough enough to complete the assigned task. Your motto should be the well-known folk saying - the slower you drive, the further you will go. True, from time to time you disturb the excessively slow phlegmatic person so that he does not completely fall asleep. Tell him interesting news from the world around him, develop creative thinking with drawing, music, and chess. He may be interested in those sports that do not require quick reactions.

Communication. It is extremely important to teach him to understand the feelings and emotions of other people. Discuss with him the motives for the actions of his peers, relatives or favorite heroes. When discussing, try to let him talk more, and not you, help him form his opinion and defend it, otherwise he will behave stereotypically, adapting to the behavior of others and borrowing their point of view.

On the other hand, if you don’t show a phlegmatic person in time that there are people with different views on life, he will try to ensure that those around him methodically follow all the rules that he has set for himself. A stubborn bore is what you risk raising if you don't teach him tolerance. Such a “black sheep” may not be upset if most of his peers do not communicate with him. The phlegmatic will calmly classify those who do not want to live as he does into the category of “wrong” people, and will not worry about the lack of attention to his person. Therefore, other people often have more problems with a phlegmatic person than the phlegmatic person has with them. Help him learn to understand and accept views that differ from his own.

Children with a melancholic temperament

· They behave quietly and modestly, and are often embarrassed when people approach them with questions.

· They are not easily amused or offended, but the resulting feeling of resentment lasts a long time.

· They do not immediately get down to work or get involved in the game, but if they take up any task, they show constancy and stability in this.

Recommendations for teachers and parents:

· Gentleness, tactfulness, sensitivity and goodwill in relations with these children.

· Ask more often in class, creating a calm environment while answering.

· Approval, praise, and encouragement play a big role, which helps strengthen self-confidence.

· When developing performance, remember that these guys quickly overwork.

· Develop sociability.

Activities and hobbies. A melancholic person has difficulty joining in group games, but, having managed to overcome himself, he enjoys having fun with everyone. Help him get involved in the game, teach him how to get acquainted, rehearse the first phrases with which he will approach unfamiliar peers. Reassure him that failure does not make him worse than others. Your motto when dealing with a melancholic person is “To err is human.”

For a melancholic person, it is important to constantly receive support from loved ones. Praise, praise and praise again, look for positive moments even in failures. For example, if something failed, praise him for even deciding to do this business. Switch his attention to the result of the activity, and not to the assessment. Ask to demonstrate his achievements to you, admire and be happy for him. Emphasize that you are confident in his abilities and know that he can cope with the task. Tell him about it, remind him of past successes.

Teach him to perceive the mistake as a hint to future successes, calmly analyze without negative assessments what the failure was, and discuss how to act next time. Entrust him with tasks that he can certainly handle and the results of which can be appreciated by as many people around him as possible. If he draws, make a funny wall newspaper with him for a school holiday, if he plays, learn a popular song with him; Ask the teacher to read his best essay in front of the whole class if he is a good writer... This will help him gain confidence to solve more difficult problems.

Communication. Such children most often feel like a “black sheep” in a team and suffer from this, despite the fact that they do not feel a great need for communication. It is difficult for a melancholic person who lacks self-confidence to enter a new class, participate in common activities and entertainment. Try to become for him the closest person he can trust. Don't reveal his secrets, don't criticize him too much. Philosophize with him, discuss situations that you observed, demonstrate that you are very interested in listening to his stories about himself, his thoughts about the world around him. Teach him to find a way out of conflict situations, to defend his opinion, but under no circumstances put pressure on him.

If a melancholic person feels comfortable in a group, he can play the role of a think tank, a kind of grise eminence, and be respected for his invention and ingenuity.

REMINDER FOR PARENTS. DIFFICULTIES IN COMMUNICATION WITH A CHILD

Types of bad behavior. How do they manifest themselves? How to correct your child's behavior.

TEN COMMANDMENTS TO FATHERS AND MOTHERS

1. Accept your child for who he is.

2. Never order on a whim. There is no need for pointless orders. Not interfering in a child's life is just as dangerous as interfering continuously.

3. Never make decisions alone. The golden rule of family life is diarchy. When father and mother contradict each other, it is an entertaining sight for a child.

4. Maintain trust in those who contradict you.

5. As for gifts - no frills. We have forgotten how to refuse children. Refusal brings more benefits, because it teaches you to distinguish what is necessary from what is unnecessary.

6. Lead by example in everything. You can only achieve what you do yourself.

7. Talk about everything without fear. Speech is gold and silence is lead.

8. Unite with your own. The family is a private republic. Everything should be done together: household crafts, washing dishes, shopping, cleaning, choosing entertainment, travel routes.

9. Keep the door open. Sooner or later you will not keep children, teenagers, young people in the house. It's never too early to learn freedom.

Leave at the right time! This commandment invariably brings sadness. Sooner or later, parents will be left alone. There's nothing to be done, any parenting career involves this sacrifice.

A HEALTHY FAMILY HAS THE FOLLOWING QUALITIES:

1. This is a family in which good, honest, open communication has been established.

2. The family has adopted rules and a certain style of behavior that are flexible in application.

3. Parents and children communicate with each other happily and respectfully.

4. Parents and children help each other.

5. Everyone takes a caring and selfless part in creating family well-being.

6. Parents and children listen to each other and want to help each other.

7. Family members not only listen, but also hear what the other is saying and take it to heart.

8. Most problems are solved together.

9. The emphasis is on “we” rather than “I.”

There is no doubt that this list can be significantly expanded. But the main thing is that families that possess these qualities are characterized by stability and will function as a healthy family system. In such families, children feel safe and grow up in an atmosphere of common love.

PASSIVE CHILD

1.The approach to such a child should be gradual.

2. Help him express his emotions and experiences in a more acceptable form.

3. Find out what circumstances caused this condition in the child.

4. Encourage the child to express his feelings in a game or confidential conversation.

5. Gain his trust and location.

6.Help your child gain self-confidence. Only then will he be able to leave the tutelage of the adult he trusts and learn to get along with new people himself.

7. Form cognitive motivation for learning.

8. Develop in the child independence and responsibility for his actions.

9. Praise the child for any manifestation of activity and independence.

10. Develop communication skills.

11. It is advisable that the child attend sports clubs, clubs, etc.

12. Visit museums, exhibitions, theaters with your child, thereby developing his cognitive activity.

IN ORDER TO OPTIMIZE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR GROWING CHILD, PSYCHOLOGISTS RECOMMEND:

1. Change the style of attitude towards a teenager, discard previous forms of communication that are acceptable for a child, but unacceptable for a teenager.

2. Speak to the teenager in a respectful tone - as if you are someone whose opinion is taken into account.

3. Be patient with outbursts and calmly explain that such behavior is unworthy of an adult guy or girl.

4. Discussions are very useful, but it is advisable that you do not always have the upper hand in them and are winners. When proving this or that position, admit that your son or daughter is right in some point, and at the same time show his inconsistency in judgment.

5. The main method of influencing adolescents is persuasion such as evidence, as well as indirect suggestion.

6. Based on the teenager’s mistakes and mistakes, teach him to follow the advice of his elders and be patient.

7. Promote awareness, deepening of interests, hobbies (socially acceptable).

8. Do not weaken your interest in extracurricular school activities and class events.

9. Regulate your choice of friends carefully and skillfully. As if by chance, open your son or daughter’s eyes to the positive and negative qualities of his friends, talk about the consequences of bad influences. Cultivate will and self-confidence - barriers against unwanted suggestions.

10. Evaluate not the teenager’s personality, but his actions. Speak in the language of feelings (not “you are a scoundrel”, but “your action upset me, I’m worried, I feel bitterness, indignation ...”).

11. Try to ensure the unity of the requirements of all family members; unity of requirements in family and school.

12. Try to eliminate inconsistency in demands (when he is expected to be either childish obedience or adult independence.)

Remember! The style of interaction that a teenager develops with his parents is reflected in his relationships with other people.

PSYCHOLOGIST'S RECOMMENDATIONS FOR SINGLE AND SPECIAL CATEGORIES OF PARENTS

1. Be open with your children about the circumstances that led to the formation of your current family.

2. In the event of divorce, death or leaving a parent from the family, convince the children that this is not their fault.

3. Be sensitive to your children's feelings of anger, anxiety, or perhaps confusion.

4. If possible, do not change the way of your family life.

5. Try to share responsibilities as much as possible. Don't try to compensate your children for the loss of a parent by taking on too many responsibilities.

6. Be open when you discuss your relationship with your spouse, but be sensitive to what and how you say so as not to hurt the children's feelings by badmouthing the other parent. Do not instill in your children the belief that your spouse will return home unless you yourself see such a possibility, because this can give your children false hope and later turn into severe disappointment.

7. Don't use your children as bargaining chips or bargaining chips between you and your spouse.

8. Do not encourage gossip, do not require children to report everything that was said by their spouse when they met.

9. Reassure children that they will be loved and cared for in the same way as before.

10. Do not allow yourself to speak out against your spouse’s family.

11. Children, even very young ones, should know everything that happened. White lies like: “Dad needs to go on a trip for a few months” are not recommended.

12. If possible, let the children stay in the same place, with the same neighbors and attend the same school. This will reduce the number of radical changes that befall children.

RULES AND STANDARDS OF CONDUCT

"How to love your child"

Rule one

Be able to listen to your child always and everywhere, giving yourself over to this listening entirely and completely, without interrupting the child, without brushing him off like an annoying fly, showing patience and tact.

Rule two

Be able to speak to your child as if you would like to be spoken to, showing gentleness and respect, excluding edifying, rudeness and rudeness.

Rule three

Punish without humiliating, but preserving the child’s dignity, instilling hope for correction.

Rule four

Success in parenting can only be achieved when parents are positive role models every day.

Rule five

Admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness for wrong actions and deeds, be fair in assessing yourself and others.

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PARENTS:

Psychological support is one of the most important factors determining the success of your child in passing the unified state exam. How to support a graduate?

There are false ways, so-called “support traps”. Thus, typical ways for parents to support a child are overprotection, creating a teenager’s dependence on an adult, imposing unrealistic standards, and stimulating competition with peers. Genuine support should be based on emphasizing the child’s abilities, capabilities, and positive aspects.

Supporting a child means believing in him. Support is based on a belief in the individual's innate ability to overcome life's challenges with the support of those whom they consider important to them. Adults have many opportunities to demonstrate to a child their satisfaction with his achievements or efforts. Another way is to teach a teenager to cope with various tasks, creating in him the attitude: “You can do it.”

To show faith in a child, a parent must have the courage and desire to do the following:

Forget about the child’s past failures;

Help your child gain confidence that he can cope with this task;

Remember past successes and return to them, not to mistakes.

There are words that support children, for example: “Knowing you, I am sure that you will do everything well,” “You do it very well.” You can support through individual words, touches, joint actions, physical participation, facial expressions.

SO, TO SUPPORT A CHILD YOU NEED:

1. Rely on the child’s strengths;

2. Avoid emphasizing the child’s mistakes;

3. Show faith in the child, sympathy for him, confidence in his abilities;

4. Create an environment of friendliness and respect at home, be able and willing to demonstrate love and respect for the child;

5. Be both firm and kind, but do not act as a judge;

6. Support your child. Demonstrate that you understand his experience.

How to choose a child psychologist?

It is best to choose a psychologist by recommendation. Ask your friends and acquaintances if they know a good specialist they can recommend. If you don’t have such friends, you can contact a psychological center in your city. If there are several child psychologists working at the center, ask the administrator which one of them makes appointments more often and make an appointment with him. You can type “child psychologist” on the Internet and see who works in your city.

Before choosing one of the specialists, be sure to find information about his education, work experience and read reviews of those whom he helped.

On our website, consultations are conducted by experienced child and family psychologist Ekaterina Kes. You can read her book, How to Raise a Happy Child.

Stages of mental development

The process of forming a child’s psyche is very long and subtle. It is influenced by many factors: heredity, environment, upbringing and training, activity, etc. For a better understanding of children and high-quality tracking of development, the so-called age periodization was introduced. D. B. Elkoin divided the process of mental formation into stages, where the key moment is the child’s leading activity. There are 6 such periods in total.

From 0 to one year (infancy)

The child’s activity is determined by emotional communication with adults; he is in close contact with his mother and depends on her. Psychological development is affected by new formations: independent movement in space, emotional representations, discovery of one’s own self (physical), oneself as part of the world of people.

From one to 3 years (early childhood)

The activity with objects becomes the leader. They are also social tools. The child’s speech develops, he strives for independence, imitates an adult, uses the pronoun “I,” and is proud of his successes. The adult ceases to act as an intermediary between the baby and the outside world and now plays the role of an assistant.

From 3 years to school entry (preschool age)

Actions and mental development are determined by role-playing games. Egocentrism is overcome, the first understanding of good and evil comes. Behavior becomes arbitrary, a hierarchy of motives is built, the child strives for cognitive activity and can replace one object with another. There is an opening of the inner world. The behavior of an adult is considered an example; a preschooler tries to behave similarly among his peers.

From 7 to 11 years (early school age)

The leading activity is educational. The child masters simple methods of operating in the scientific field. His will and theoretical thinking are formed. The ability to plan appears, mental functions are intellectualized. Relationships with an adult develop in two directions - as with a loved one and as with a social figure. The child’s external world undergoes major changes due to the need to attend school.

From 12 to 15 years (early adolescence)

Activity is determined by the desire to know other people, oneself, and relationships. Norms of social behavior are learned. The teenager begins to feel like an adult, self-awareness comes, the discovery of the inner “I”. Relationships with teachers, relatives, and peers change due to a new understanding of oneself and the desire to find one’s place in society. Communication with peers becomes intimate and personal, going beyond the scope of study. Teenagers gather in groups where they master the norms of social relations and their regulation.

From 15 to 17 years (older adolescence)

In the development of the psyche, a decisive role is played by activities related to vocational training, choice of profession, and deepening into a narrow specialization. Externally, changes in the educational process occur, the teenager takes the first steps towards self-education, attends certain courses and sections. Orientation in the value system is formed, self-determination occurs - both personally and professionally.

The psyche of a child is different from the psyche of adults. At different stages of growing up, a person’s activities, his way of life, relationships with society, and even his own body change. In just 5 years, he turns from a rattling baby into a personality with his own preferences, tastes, and habits. The psyche in childhood is as plastic as possible. It is easy to correct by simply directing activities in the right direction. But an adult is already formed, it is difficult to modify his psyche. Therefore, already in early childhood, parents should pay attention to the child’s worldview, have frank conversations with him, analyze his crafts and drawings, and if necessary, do not be afraid to turn to a specialist.

Child Psychologist Tools

First of all, a child psychologist himself is an instrument of psychological assistance. The final result largely depends on how the psychologist interacts with the child and parents throughout the psychological work.

Other tools of a child psychologist include various psychodiagnostic techniques (tests, questionnaires), sets for play therapy (figurines of animals, people, construction sets, cars), a sandbox with sand for sand therapy, paints, plasticine for art therapy, pillows and a children's punching bag for working with child aggression and many other improvised means with which a psychologist can establish contact with a child and conduct psychological sessions with him.

Advice from a psychologist consultation on the topic

ADVICE FROM A PSYCHOLOGIST:

Three ways to show your child your love:

Word. Call your child affectionate names, come up with pet nicknames, tell fairy tales, sing lullabies, and let tenderness, tenderness and only tenderness sound in your voice.

Touch. Sometimes it is enough to take a child by the hand, stroke his hair, kiss him so that he stops crying and being capricious. Therefore, caress your child as much as possible, not paying attention to the advice of “experienced” parents. Psychologists have concluded that physical contact with the mother stimulates the physiological and emotional development of the child.

Sight. Do not talk to your child with your back to him or half-turned, and do not shout to him from the next room. Come up, look him in the eyes and say what you want.

Recommendations for parents on how to adapt their child to kindergarten

Parents often encounter difficulties when sending their son or daughter to a preschool institution. Let's look at common mistakes and ways to prevent them.

First of all, it is the parents’ unpreparedness for the child’s negative reaction to the preschool institution. Parents are frightened by the child’s tearfulness and are confused, because at home he willingly agreed to go to kindergarten. We must remember that this is the baby’s first experience; he could not imagine in advance the full picture that tearfulness is a normal state of a preschooler during the period of adaptation to kindergarten. With the patience of adults, it can go away on its own.

A common mistake parents make is blaming and punishing their child for crying. This is not a way out of the situation. All that is required from elders is patience and help. All the baby needs is to adapt to new conditions. Kindergarten teachers must be ready to help parents during this difficult period for the family.

At first, when the child is just starting to go to kindergarten, you should not plan important things; it is better to postpone going to work. Parents should know that it can take 2-3 months for a son or daughter to get used to kindergarten.

Another mistake parents make is being in a state of concern and anxiety. They care about public opinion, experience internal discomfort, worry that they are not good enough in the role of “mom” and “dad”. First of all, they need to calm down. Children instantly feel when their parents are worried, and this state is passed on to them. It is very important for parents to understand that the child is adapting to new living conditions. You should avoid talking about your baby's tears with other family members in his presence. It seems that the son or daughter is still very young and does not understand adult conversations. But children, on a subtle emotional level, feel their mother’s concern, and this further intensifies the child’s anxiety.

How to make it easier for a child to separate from his parents?

Painful separation from parents can occur in children of any age.

It is difficult for children to part with their parents for many reasons - fear of separation, bad mood, conflict between child and parent, long break from attending kindergarten, etc. Support is required from the teaching staff; it is important to reassure the child and explain what his parents will return for him, and during their absence they will take care of him.

How to be...

FOR PARENTS

One option is to go with your child to a group and stay there for some time so that the child can find something to do that interests him.

Be sure to say goodbye to your child and tell him when you will be back for him. Farewell rituals can be different: kiss the child, read a farewell poem, say goodbye with your hands, nose, eyes, wave your hand, look out the window as the mother leaves, introduce the child to the group, etc.

Leave some of your things to the child so that he does not feel lonely: a photograph, a comb, a hairpin, a scarf, etc.

How to prepare your child for entering kindergarten

Useful tips and recommendations for parents.

1. Make sure that kindergarten is necessary for your family in the near future, since parental hesitations are transmitted to children.

2. It is necessary to bring the daily routine at home closer to the routine of a preschool institution

3. Teach children to eat a variety of dishes, consume soups and cereals daily, and adhere to the kindergarten menu.

4. It is necessary to develop independence skills in the child.

5. It is necessary to send a child to a daycare center only if he is healthy, because various diseases complicate the child’s adaptation to preschool education,

6. Prepare your child to communicate with other children and adults. Visit children's parks, playgrounds, and take them with you on a visit. Observe how he behaves: he easily finds a common language with others, wants to communicate, or, conversely, is withdrawn, shy, timid, conflicted in communication.

7. Prepare your child for temporary separations from loved ones, instill in him that he is already big and should definitely go to kindergarten.

8. Introduce your child to the teachers in advance.

9. Do not send your child to kindergarten during the “three-year crisis.”

Familiarity with the basic rules of behavior for adults during the period when the child began attending preschool educational institutions.

Goal: to help properly organize the first days of a child’s stay in a preschool educational institution;

- encourage people close to the child to choose pedagogically appropriate methods of influencing the child.

1. It is advisable to bring the child in initially for 1-2 hours over a week or two.

2. Before going to kindergarten, you should not feed your child; There is nothing wrong with a child waiting to eat.

3. It is advisable to develop a simple system of farewell signs

(for example, air kiss, handshake) and repeat it daily. At the same time, it is important to leave without stopping, without turning around - it will be easier for the baby to let you go.

4. A child can bring a photo of loved ones or his favorite toy from home, which will also give him confidence. Provides psychological comfort.

5. When saying goodbye, parents should always show a good mood, feel confident, communicate with the child only in a friendly tone, and be sure to specify when they will take him home.

6. After kindergarten, the baby should be praised for his day: “Well done!” You are doing well, I am proud of you,” to demonstrate your love and care.”

Memo for parents

What should a child know and be able to do by age 3?

Three years is a very interesting age. During this period, the child not only grows, but also changes. He becomes very inquisitive and independent, requiring more attention from adults. This is a turning point that can be considered as the result of the child’s development from birth.

The degree of development of mental processes by the age of three can be assessed by the following criteria:

1. A three-year-old child can recognize close people by their voices.
2. He draws a lot and enjoys drawing; it is still difficult to guess any meaning in his drawings, but often among the mass of so-called scribbles certain figures can be discerned - triangles, circles, quadrangles, etc.;
3. Enjoys sculpting; Moreover, a child at this age, when sculpting, is interested not so much in the result as in the process itself - how the material wrinkles, how easily it obeys the movement of the fingers.
4. Dresses himself or under adult supervision.
5. Builds a pyramid of 3 cubes.
6. While sitting on a bicycle, he pedals;
7. Knows his first and last name.
8. Names 3 primary colors out of 4.
9. Jumps in place on 2 legs.
10. Collect and place toys in the appropriate place.
11. Put books and magazines on the shelf.
12. Take napkins, plates and cutlery to the table.
13. Clean up any crumbs left after eating. Clear your seat at the table.
14. Simple hygiene procedures: brush your teeth, wash and dry your hands and face, comb your hair.
15. Undress yourself - get dressed with some help.
16. Move the package of food or a jar of canned food from the bag to the desired shelf;
17. Concentrate, i.e. complete the task without distraction for about 5 minutes;
18. Find 3-4 differences between objects; keep 3-4 objects in your field of vision; find 2 objects similar to each other;
19. Be able to memorize 3-4 pictures, know several quatrains by heart, repeat a short fairy tale read with the help of an adult;
20. Remember what he did in the morning, afternoon, evening;
21. Tell from memory the contents of the picture using leading questions.
22. Be able to quickly and correctly assemble a pyramid; fold a picture from 4 parts; collect simple insert games; find simple connections between objects and phenomena.
23. Be able to find many objects in the environment and one; express in words which objects are more or less; compare 3-4 objects by size (width, height, length).
24. Be able to answer questions correctly; agree words in gender, number, case;
25. Correctly use the prepositions in, on, for, under; use sentences with homogeneous members.
26. Depict the simplest objects and phenomena of reality using straight, round, inclined, long, short, intersecting lines;
27. Repeat simple finger gymnastics movements.
28. State your first and last name.
29. Name the names of people in his immediate circle.
30. Name and distinguish 2-3 trees.
31. Use basic generalizing words to find objects (show “shoes”, “furniture”, dishes”).
32. Distinguish between seasons;
33. Name essential details and parts of objects.
34. The child knows 1200-1500 words, not only knows and understands words denoting objects that are actually perceived “now,” but also imagines images of objects that are not directly in his field of vision;
35. Knows 5-6 shapes (circle, triangle, oval, rectangle, square, polygon);
36. Begins to navigate in space (remembers the way to the store, to the park, to grandma’s, to kindergarten);
37. Guess riddles;

If a child at this age cannot do everything, do not be upset and think that the child is behind in development. Each child develops in his own way. And perhaps you need to devote a little more time to it than usual.

For emotional moms:

How to yell at a child

Why do we scold children? It is difficult to imagine that a loud voice, threats and long-winded lamentations have any pedagogical effect. But it’s not always possible to restrain yourself - irritation, powerlessness, resentment, anger, fatigue burst out. Today we will talk about how not to turn into a monster that kills everything around you with your scream.

1. First of all, you can warn the baby: “Now I’m going to swear.” Maybe he'll stop doing things that make you angry. Or at least he will have time to run away and hide.

2. Before shouting: “I’ll tear your ears off” or something else, make sure that the child does not take the threat literally.

3. Talk about yourself, not the child. Repeat how you feel over and over again without citing who is to blame. This is a very good example for a child and perhaps next time he will also say “I’m angry!” instead of throwing toys against the wall. 4. If you really want to call your child names, leave all the “stupid” and “stupid” to yourself and come up with your own curse word. For example, tell him: “Oh, you three-capulka little basyulka!”

5. Having reached the boiling point, start banging the ladle on the pan or with a wooden rolling pin on the windowsill. This can not only be a signal to your household, but also a good way to get rid of negative emotions.

6. There is always a danger of offending, of saying something dangerous in our hearts, which the child will accept as the truth. Therefore, when you get angry, it’s better to growl. Or howl. Surprisingly, this way of expressing anger and irritation comes out more humane.

7. You don’t have to raise your voice to explain to your child that you really want to spank him. Make a scary face or conduct educational work in the form of pantomime.

8. Try swearing in a whisper.

9. Go to another room and express everything you think to the sofa or stool.

10. Remember how many times in your life you have held back anger and irritation due to fear of dismissal, fear of loneliness, fear of public opinion. Now do it out of love.

Why does the child not respond to comments? What to do?

Try to answer this question yourself using the example of raising preschoolers in two families. The principle of upbringing is the same: love, care and attention, but it differs in each family. In one, parents shifted all responsibility for the upbringing and development of the child onto the shoulders of the kindergarten and grandparents. They themselves are constantly dissatisfied with what the child does, how he behaves, set the children around him as an example, and intimidate him with “women” and “evil guys”. In the second family, the parents themselves raise the child. Mom and dad try not to yell at the child and talk to him in a calm, even voice. But they are constantly busy, so they often cannot listen to the child to the end and are not interested in his affairs.

If you want your child to respond to your comments:

• know how to listen. Do not interrupt the child, do not say that you understand everything, do not turn away until the child has finished telling the story. In other words, don't let him suspect that you have little interest in what he has to say;
• do not ask your child too many questions;
• do not force him to do something for which he is not yet ready;
• do not demand too much at once: it will take a long time before the baby learns to put away his toys on his own;
• do not criticize the child face to face, and especially do not do it in the presence of other children;
• do not set many rules for your child: he will stop paying attention to them;
• do not expect a preschool child to understand all logical connections, your feelings (the parent is tired, he has a headache, etc.), abstract reasoning and explanations;
• do not compare your child with other children.

And remember, childhood only happens once and it passes.

Areas of work of a child psychologist

The areas of work of a child psychologist include:

• Consulting the child's parents;
• Individual lessons with a child;
• Psychodiagnostics of child-parent relationships;
• Psychodiagnostics of the child’s personality;
• Corrective activities with the child;
• Developmental classes with the child are individual;
• Developmental classes with the child in groups;
• Career guidance for high school students;
• Conducting seminars and trainings for parents.

Principles of work of a child psychologist

1. Do no harm.
2. Don't judge.
3. Maintain an impartial perception.
4. The principle of informed consent is the need to explain to parents all the features of psychological work with their child.
5. Recognize the right of the child and parents to any feelings.
6. The principle of confidentiality, i.e. maintaining professional secrets.
7. The principle of professional competence: do not take on those areas of work in which you yourself are well versed, do not use psychological techniques that you do not properly master.

Algorithm for the work of a child psychologist

A child psychologist first meets with the child’s parents to find out all the details related to the reason for seeking help. Sometimes a psychologist may decide to invite not only the parents, but also the child to the first consultation, so that everyone can take part in the conversation together. As a rule, if a child is a schoolchild, he can fully participate in a joint conversation. The child psychologist then decides what type of psychological assistance will be provided to the child and his family.

Services of a child psychologist in Moscow

Currently, prices for child psychologist services in Moscow range from 2,500 to 4,500 rubles/hour. Sometimes one consultation is enough to clarify the situation, but in some cases, another meeting or two may be needed to study the problem in more depth and establish contact and trust with the child.

It is worth remembering that the psychology of a child is too complex for adults to understand. That is why it happens that you simply cannot do without the help of a qualified child psychologist.

How does a child psychologist work?

A child psychologist works with the child’s current condition, conducts an initial interview and diagnosis, asks parents questions about the child’s life situation and family structure, and then conducts classes with the child (sometimes together with the parents). In the process of communication, a child psychologist creates conditions so that the child can freely express his feelings and desires, cope with emotional and behavioral difficulties, and parents understand the reasons for the child’s problem and understand how to solve them.

Very often, trying to raise a “real person” from a son or daughter, plunging into the jungle of pedagogical practices, we forget about the simplest, but sometimes very significant things.

Pay attention to the advice of a child psychologist. Perhaps, while reading this article, more than once you will say to yourself: “But it’s true, why didn’t I think about this before?”

1. Making sure that your son or daughter is dressed, shod and fed is a concern. It has practically nothing to do with upbringing. Unfortunately, many people confuse these concepts, merging them together.
2. Raising a happy baby is much easier if your own life is in order. A mother who buys her son a twelfth car with a meager salary will achieve nothing but momentary (in the literal sense of the word) satisfaction of the child. Parents who have long lived each with their own interests, but continue to exist under one roof for the sake of their children, will only provide them with complexes and an incorrect attitude towards the family. When adults are happy, then, in general, there is no need to do anything. The kids will be quite happy.
3. Kids never listen to adults! They learn by example. If you want your son to brush his teeth for 10 minutes each time, start doing it yourself. If you dream of a child, get richer, build your own business. If you are thinking about a happy marriage for your daughter, improve your own life.

4. 
   Often adults involuntarily distribute family roles without taking into account the needs of children. For example, the first-born must certainly enter a prestigious university, and the daughter’s task is to look after her parents in old age. Usually, after several years of such basic attitudes, dad and mom cannot understand why one of the children grows up to be a strong, self-confident person, to the delight of the whole family, while the other is an obvious loser. The reason is that the parents simply did not want to notice the needs of the second child, his desire to be loved.

5. The way you communicate with your child as a child is how he will talk to you, starting around the age of 18.
6. Adults who react too violently to a child’s bad grade at school are people with serious complexes. If you manage to calmly find the reason for the failure and support your child, he will cope with the problem much faster than it seems. At the same time, when the baby is afraid to go home, knowing that even for a grade just below the maximum he will again face being dragged out with screams and hysterics, he himself will very quickly turn into a neurasthenic.
7. In first grade, preparation for lessons should take no more than 30-45 minutes. If you sit longer, the teacher is simply not doing his job.
8. During punishment, do not label. Discuss the conditions with your child: “You must eat porridge, do your homework and clean your room.” If, upon returning from work, you see an untouched plate, an apartment reminiscent of the ruins of an old castle and a toddler completely stuck in a tablet, you should not use the well-known expressions: “you will grow up full ...”, “yes, at your age I’m already ...”, “look at classmates,” etc. It’s enough to simply remind them of the routine and requisition the tablet as punishment.

9. 
   Don't hoard your pocket money and don't try to use it as a manipulation tool for bad behavior. The child should not feel like a second-class citizen either in relation to you or in comparison with friends buying juice at the buffet. Otherwise, he will be manipulated all the time, or pent-up aggression will sooner or later come out.

10. A child will never associate with bad company if he feels your trust. Anyone who is completely controlled will try to find “support” on the street and do at least something forbidden. (This, of course, does not mean that adults should not be interested in the child’s life at all).
11. If a parent can only talk to a child about his shortcomings, then he himself has serious problems. It is necessary to communicate about life. In case of extreme fatigue, simply talk about how the day went. You can discuss a movie or plans for the weekend. It’s worth consulting with a school-age child about the distribution of finances in the family, etc.
12. Children who regularly manipulate adults should be sent with their parents to a good psychologist. In a normal state, people say directly what they need.

Myths about the child psychologist

There are several myths about the work and personality of a child psychologist, which we will now look at.

Myth No. 1. Only a psychologist who has his own children can work as a child psychologist. This is not so, because in his work a specialist relies on objective knowledge and scientific facts, and not on his life experience.

Myth No. 2. A good child psychologist is a specialist with many years of experience. Not at all necessary. Many children and adolescents make it much easier to establish contact with younger professionals who encourage them to communicate directly and informally.

Myth No. 3. A child psychologist is a doctor. It's not like that at all. A child psychologist should not be confused with a child psychotherapist or psychiatrist. The education of the first is psychological, the education of the other two specialists is medical. A child psychologist does not treat, diagnose, or prescribe pills. He has different tools of work.

Myth No. 4. A child psychologist will explain to my child how to behave. It's a delusion. Parents often believe that after a conversation with a child psychologist, the child’s behavior will immediately change. But that doesn't happen.

A child psychologist will not lecture a child and explain how to behave. A child psychologist has completely different goals and objectives. He must establish good, trusting contact with the child and help the child better understand himself, his feelings and thoughts, his desires and motives for actions. Only through this understanding will changes begin in the child’s behavior. At the same time, it is very important that parents follow the recommendations of the psychologist.

To download the book by child and family psychologist Ekaterina Kes, “How to Raise a Happy Child,” click here.

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What a child psychologist can and cannot do

Before choosing a psychologist for your child, it is important to understand who the specialist you want to take your child to is and what he does. A psychologist is not a doctor, not a teacher, not a psychic or a wizard. Therefore, if you want the child to become comfortable or to be prescribed some medicine, then you need other specialists.

What does a child psychologist do? A child psychologist studies the inner world of a child. His task is to find an approach, understand the child, speak the same language with him, show the child what resources and opportunities are hidden within himself, help him find and discover them. It is better to understand yourself, your desires, to realize, express, live your emotions and feelings, and learn to express them constructively.

A psychologist does not teach or instruct a child - there are already enough teachers in life. He is next to the child, witnesses his exploration of his world.

A psychologist does not teach or instruct a child - there are already enough teachers in life. He is next to the child, witnesses his exploration of his world.

A psychologist is contacted if a child has a difficulty that does not have any material or visible causes. The reasons for his behavior, fears and anxieties are deeper - in his emotions, in his perception of the world.

Here are some sample requests that people often come to a psychologist with: difficulties in parent-child relationships, problems adapting to kindergarten or school, outbursts of aggression, fears, and lack of self-confidence.

The psychologist does not diagnose children or prescribe medications. There are psychiatrists and medical psychotherapists for this. A psychologist does not have a magic pill or a magic wand that will instantly solve all problems. The psychologist works with what the child and his parents brought, helps to realize, accept, live, express, understand.