Communication and socialization
When getting married, men often abandon their usual circle of friends and acquaintances. But after a divorce, you can restore relationships, establish contacts, and renew old friendships.
If it is easier for women to go through pain alone, then for men the best way is communication. What else will help relieve pain:
- New acquaintances;
- journey;
- a change of scenery;
- camping;
- Meeting with friends;
- heart-to-heart conversations;
- vacation.
Contrary to popular belief, it is better for guys to stay away from relatives at such times. Relatives and friends are more likely to side with your ex-wife and will certainly remind you of her. To leave fresh wounds alone, it is better to go on vacation with friends.
Advice! Divorce is not the end of life, but just another stage. It's time to pull yourself together and get through the pain.
Recommendations on how to survive a divorce for a man may seem strange to girls. After all, they are used to savoring emotions, feelings, and indulging in depression and melancholy. This helps them let go of negative experiences. Men succeed in this much faster after a divorce.
Divorce rules for men: advice from a psychologist
The main rule of divorce is to realize that both spouses are to blame for the current situation.
A married couple on the verge of divorce is two people who cannot stand the conditions that their status as spouses dictates to them.
Therefore, it is important to understand that if the marriage was a mistake, then it was mutual.
Important! The main rule of divorce is to realize that both spouses are to blame for the current situation.
Awareness will not make separation easier, but it will help you behave calmly and go through the procedure with dignity.
If you have children together
The child usually experiences the separation of his parents painfully. You shouldn’t aggravate his condition and try to win him over to your side. Any normal woman would not give him to his father, but she would not forbid him to see him either.
It is important to understand that if the marriage was a mistake, then it was mutual
No matter what age the children are together, the man must share the financial burdens associated with raising them and agree on the time at which he can see them.
An adequate parent should not say anything bad to their children about their mother, even if the reason for the divorce was her inappropriate behavior, even if the former half does not mince words when condemning the spouse.
If there are several children, there is no need to differentiate between them. Neither gender nor age can be a reason to take care of one and not give paternal attention to the other.
If the ex-wife gets married again
In this case, the strength of spirit is manifested in absolutely not being interested in this event. Do not ask friends and acquaintances about your new chosen one.
There is no need to become angry with all women at once if the wife’s guilt, previously only assumed, has become obvious. It makes no sense to find out whether this connection existed before the breakdown of family relationships or whether a new gentleman appeared later.
If you are no longer young
In such cases, it is better to do and regret than not to do and regret. Before the onset of old age, the fear of loneliness becomes especially strong, and even if this thought did not stop you from breaking off relationships that were mistakenly considered family, it means that there were none. Just two people living together while something kept them close.
Be sure to read:
How to understand that it’s time to divorce your husband: advice from a psychologist, reasons and steps to make the right decision
Men who have gone through a divorce claim that any work helps to get through the situation easier (even in the country, even in the garage with an old car).
This is also a good reason to take care of your health and go to the gym, read books or create. Now you can calmly pay attention to what you previously did not have enough time for, or your spouse did not allow (unless, of course, we are talking about alcohol).
How to survive a divorce from your wife if you still love
A popular Internet meme in such cases says: “No way. Cry and get over it."
Men who have gone through a divorce claim that any work helps to get through the situation easier (even in the country, even in the garage with an old car)
Love is a wonderful feeling; if you maintain friendly relations with your ex-wife, you will be able to see each other periodically.
Although you need to strive for this as little as possible, to eradicate from yourself the person who unsuccessfully completed this stage of life. But the recipes are still the same - sports, hobbies, career, new relationships, travel.
You should not rush into a new relationship, thus trying to forget your previous relationship. In order for your subsequent life to be successful, you need to get out of the situation with dignity and learn from it.
You can set yourself a new goal (for example, move up the career ladder) or switch all your attention to a hobby.
It could be anything:
- fishing;
- hunting;
- sport;
- hiking, etc.
During such a switch, it will be possible to analyze everything that happened. Perhaps the wife decided to simply change her usual way of life that did not suit her. Perhaps with this step she is trying to make her husband understand that she is not ready to put up with some of his shortcomings.
Therefore, you should remember and analyze all the points of contact that caused a negative reaction in your spouse, and try to tune in to her wavelength and play along with her. If the relationship cannot be saved in any way, try to start life “from scratch” and without mutual reproaches.
Work and new schedule
Plunging headlong into your professional activities is one of the best options to avoid depression and to more easily overcome the state of shock after a divorce. A temporary business trip will help you refresh your thoughts, get distracted, and change your surroundings. If a man has already had a hard time with a divorce, then a new blow may affect his performance. Here it is useful to change your field of activity and try your hand at a new area.
When you put all your energy into your work, it’s hard to think about anything else. You can loosen your grip immediately after thoughts about your ex-wife stop causing pain.
How to communicate with a child without hurting feelings
If a child is born in a marriage, after a divorce a man should find the strength to behave with dignity in order to maintain paternal closeness. In order not to traumatize the child’s psyche and feelings, it is important for both parents to do the following:
- establish calm communication, do not quarrel in front of the child with a showdown;
- do not drag him into a conflict by blaming one of the couple for the divorce;
- do not set yourself up in a negative way against mom or dad;
- agree amicably on a meeting schedule;
- discuss financial and other parenting issues;
- You can’t pamper too much or overload with gifts out of guilt.
Always tell your child that this outcome is not his fault. Explain that even if they live separately, both parents still love him very much.
Simple rules to make getting through divorce easier
A man must observe some responsibilities that will help not aggravate the conflict:
- If the ex-wife runs into conflict, it is better to step aside.
- Treat friends and relatives of your ex-wife correctly.
- Establish civilized communication without mutual reproaches and accusations.
- Don't make decisions rashly.
- Do not enter into a new relationship immediately after a disagreement.
- Express anger, resentment and hatred in a different way without touching your ex-wife.
Advice! A man must remain himself, maintain composure, even if his beloved behaves very incorrectly. She is controlled by anger and resentment, which will soon dry up.
What to do if you have a child
As long as a man goes through a divorce, the litigation with the child lasts. Psychologists are sure that the situation of a joint baby directly depends on the emotional mood of the parents. Women often turn their sons and daughters against their ex-husband, refuse civilized communication, and forbid the man to see their children.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
In this situation, it is better to step back, give her the opportunity to exhale, calm down, and look at the situation with a cool head. After this, you can take action. The child must communicate with the father; a sane woman will not refuse this to the parent. But the situation often turns in the opposite direction, when it is necessary to obtain visits through the courts.
How to deal with anger and malice
Negative emotions definitely come to the surface. It is wrong to pour them out on your ex-wife, her friends, and relatives. This will lead to new conflicts, aggravate difficult relations, and aggravate the situation. The following will help neutralize the negativity:
- active sport;
- self-occupation;
- new hobby;
- work with a psychologist;
- complete rest;
- keeping a diary.
It’s harder for those men who are going through a difficult divorce. They cannot share feelings, talk about pain and anger. They keep the negativity in themselves until the last moment, and then make a number of irreparable mistakes:
- quickly find new relationships;
- indulge in bad habits;
- write angry posts about their spouse on social networks;
- take it out on the children.
Going through a divorce can be difficult. But it is important to stop living in the past in time and learn to enjoy life again. Support from friends and working with a psychologist will relieve depression and stress. A new job and hobby will help you distance yourself from negative emotions, and rest will refresh your thoughts. A man must pull himself together and start a new life, without fear of experiencing pain again.
Psychological stages of accepting divorce
Sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that a completely ideal family breaks up, where a husband and wife love each other, but cannot forgive the mistakes they have made.
Usually this story happens to emotional, hot-tempered couples. The situation is aggravated by the presence of spouses with one or more children who are equally attached to both father and mother. For such families, separation is nothing more than a shake-up, giving their relationship a second chance. But this does not always happen; sometimes the dissolution of a marriage puts an end to family life. And in most cases, the initiator is the wife, tired of the intensity of passions. As psychologists say, it is extremely difficult for a man to survive a divorce from his beloved woman. Experts distinguish several stages of divorce in men.
- Denial stage. Immediately after a breakup, a person is simply unable to realize that this is forever. The brain is looking for more and more new loopholes to improve relationships and does not find them.
- Denial is replaced by the stage of anger. At this stage of men’s experience of divorce, they are overcome by anger from their powerlessness to change anything. In this situation, some guys can be quite aggressive and even use physical force against their ex-wife, trying to force everything back. At this time, young people especially need the support of close friends and relatives who can protect them from impulsive actions.
- Unjustified hope. Having survived the aggression, the man calms down, and it begins to seem to him that everything can be returned. These dreams are so real that failure to achieve them leads to the next step.
- Depression. This is the most difficult stage. Having lost hope, the man feels empty. At this stage of experiencing a divorce, men who have left their wives have a desire to drown their grief with alcohol or, even worse, to forget themselves with the help of drugs. How can a man survive depression after a divorce? In this case, the help of a professional psychologist is simply necessary.
- After depression, finally comes acceptance of a fait accompli. The man begins to recover, little by little make plans for the future and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
