Men cry too: how to survive a separation from your wife. Psychologist comments on reader's story

Reasons for divorce

Not all men know how easy it is to forget your wife after a divorce, throw her out of your head and start life from scratch.

There are many reasons for divorce, and it is rarely the fault of men alone. According to statistics, women also leave their significant other and break off relationships that have lasted for years.

Reasons for divorce:

• wife's rudeness, indifference;
• cooling of feelings;
• treason;
• another man;
• alcoholism;
• immoral way of life.

READ How to return your wife to the family if she filed for divorce: advice from a psychologist
Men have a hard time when their beloved spouse leaves, so they often think about how they can forget their ex-wife after a divorce, cross her out of life, stop thinking about the pain that she caused. Psychologists say that the most difficult things to bear are infidelity or the presence of another man.

It would be much easier if the woman left due to lack of feelings, continued to raise a child together and live alone.

Mistakes that are important to avoid

After a breakup, many negative feelings overcome you. Here it is important not to get confused and not do anything stupid. If anger is boiling and suffocating from within, it is important to first free yourself from it. The following are behaviors that will harm a divorced man.

Here's what you absolutely shouldn't do:

1. Trying to prove you're right. After a divorce, there is no need to look for those to blame. Because of this, the situation becomes more complicated and requires the participation of a specialist. If you focus too much on what is happening, the problem will worsen. It is better to give in and look nobler. The psychology of women is such that they value attentive and compliant people. Perhaps the passion will even regret the divorce.
2. Try to get your ex-wife back by any means. It is stupid to insist on continuing a relationship when it has long since exhausted itself. If a marriage breaks up, it means that people have become too distant. Requests and pleas are inappropriate. It is better to leave silently, without expressing offensive phrases to each other.
3. Create scandals. If you want to say something, you should say it calmly, without intrigue. The more energy expended, the more difficult it becomes to interact in the future. Major quarrels devastate you from within and plant doubts in your heart. Scandals do not help establish the truth; they confuse things even more.
4. Use manipulation. Intrigues and dishonest actions will not help restore lost happiness. You need to understand that only accepting responsibility will make you feel better. There is no need to try to force yourself to stop loving the woman you love. The attachment will go away on its own over time.
5. Resort to accusations. There is no point in blaming someone for a failed personal life. Only weak people who do not know how to help themselves resort to reproaches. If you don’t want to constantly make excuses and get angry, it’s better to consciously refuse to blame.
6. Get depressed. This way you can earn yourself neurosis, and this condition will require considerable effort to restore mental balance. No matter how the situation turns out, you need to work with daily tasks. Stress weakens the nervous system, but does not allow us to come closer to understanding what is happening.

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How to get out of depression after breaking up with your loved one

How to get rid of thoughts about your ex

Divorce has many negative consequences. In such situations, only psychologists know how to help a man quickly forget his ex-wife, stop remembering the past, and live in the future. You should not be afraid to come to a specialist, pour out your soul, talk about your experiences and problems. An experienced psychologist will quickly find the answer to all questions and suggest the right path that will make suffering less pronounced and painful.

Mental pain lasts only a few minutes, then it begins to be accompanied only by one’s own thoughts. Forgetting the wife you still love is not as easy as men think. For a long time this topic will be in the forefront of their minds and ruin their lives. Advice from psychologists will tell you how to forget your ex-wife, even if you have a child together. You just need to understand yourself, switch to more important things, start communicating with other women.

READ I don’t want to divorce my wife: what to do to return my beloved to the family

Psychologists recommend immediately cleansing your soul and body. To do this, you need to go to the shower, wash off all the “spiritual dirt”, then make an appointment with a specialist. Talk about your experiences, because only in this case can you change your outlook on life, get rid of bad thoughts, and learn to live again, despite the difficulties. Try to remember only the bad things from the relationship, such thoughts will allow you to be distracted much faster and will show that the lost woman was not ideal for you.

Bad thoughts about an ex-wife have a positive effect on the psyche of men, clear their minds, and allow them not to dwell on losses. In order for a habit to develop, you need to wait 21 days; in the future, feelings will gradually fade away, resentment will begin to surface, forcing you to forget about your ex-wife.

How to survive a divorce from a cheating wife?

The heaviest blow to a man’s self-esteem is betrayal and betrayal by his wife. Breaking up a relationship for this reason causes strong, painful experiences in men, which often lead to psychological problems. In this case, depression occurs in almost every second man. Some manage to get rid of it in the shortest possible time, while others cannot cope with their experiences for a long time. How to overcome the resentment and hatred that has settled in the mind of a man. How to survive your wife leaving for her lover? Cheating on a spouse greatly affects a man’s self-esteem. Valuable recommendations from psychotherapists will help restore self-esteem and self-confidence.

• Take care of your own appearance. Put your appearance and body in proper order. A visit to the gym and swimming pool, and sometimes a short morning jog will help a man make his body more attractive, put his thoughts in order and keep himself in good shape.
• Communication with friends and acquaintances. Spending time with family members or best friends helps take your mind off sad thoughts and makes it possible to understand that, despite life's failures, life goes on. A man should study his social circle and limit relationships with people who do not bring anything good into his life.
• Doing what you love. Every man has an activity that fascinates and brings him pleasure. In order not to completely plunge into a depressive state, he needs to continue to develop, improve his own skills in a well-known business. This will allow you to achieve positive results and fill your life with meaning.
• Setting goals and life goals . A man should try to accept the fact that his ex-wife no longer belongs to him and she has her own personal life, and he should think about his future. He needs to calm down, put his thoughts in order, decide on further tasks and gradually move towards their implementation. The first positive results will give a man the desire to move forward
• Rejection of bad habits . In an attempt to drown out mental pain and melancholy, you should not abuse alcohol. This remedy has a short-term effect, and the apparent relief is just an illusion. In fact, alcohol weakens the emotional and moral state, depleting a person even more.

If there are feelings

It is difficult for men to understand how to stop loving their ex-wife if they still have feelings for her. When there is love, husbands can do stupid things that only irritate the woman. Guys pursue their ex-wives, look for an opportunity to meet, spend money on gifts and flowers, just to get their soulmate back.

Forgetting your spouse in such a situation is much more difficult, because a man in love does not control his emotions. If you cannot forget a person for a long time, it means that love has not passed, but only became stronger after the loss.

To cope with such emotions, you need to independently create the necessary conditions for this:

• go to another city;
• change your place of residence;
• change jobs;
• stop communicating with mutual friends;
• exclude trips to any of your establishments;
• try to avoid meeting your ex-wife.

These effective methods will make it much faster to forget your spouse for whom you still have feelings. If you see her every day, continue to communicate, ask for meetings with the child, it will be extremely difficult to forget. Sometimes psychologists say that a man is able to let go of his beloved wife only when he sees her with someone else.

But this is not appropriate for all husbands: only strong individuals with an iron character can withstand such tests.

Basic methods

Sometimes men themselves come to a psychologist with the words: “I just can’t forget my ex-wife.” In some cases, you really need the help of a specialist who will direct your thoughts in the right direction, allow you to abstract from problems, and start life from scratch. Even the strongest men can rarely get out of a state of depression on their own; for a long time they experience serious disappointment, resentment and hatred of the whole world.

READ How to save a family on the verge of divorce: advice from a psychologist

To get out of a state of depression as quickly as possible, learn psychological methods that allow you to forget your spouse.

Fill all your free time with things to do

If your wife has left you, do not try to close yourself off for a long time and despair. In such situations, you need to quickly get out of a depressed state, look for something new, get involved in sports, find a hobby. When a person does not have free time, he does not bother his head with memories and stops looking for meetings with his ex-wife.

After work, sign up for training at the gym, attend sports clubs, go to the pool. You can also meet pleasant friends with whom you can have fun and forget about your problems. By radically changing your life schedule, you won’t even notice how quickly you will get out of your state of depression.

Sports and other hobbies are the best options that allow a person to take his mind off problems. Organize your free time so that you only come home to sleep. Don’t stay alone with your thoughts for a long time, they will destroy you.

Find a new life partner

It’s rare to knock a wedge out with a wedge, but psychologists sometimes advise making new acquaintances with women so as not to think about previous relationships. It is difficult to forget your wife, with whom you are connected by children. But if you can’t get your family back, come to terms with the situation and accept it. Switch to another woman, do not rush to build a serious relationship and get married. Just make her the object of your desires, spend a lot of time together, she will definitely help you forget your past relationship.

Make time for friends and family

Communication always helps in such situations, because it distracts and allows you to forget about your personal problems for a while. If you have many friends, try to be in their company every day. They won't be able to fill the void of divorce, but they will do everything they can to ease your suffering.

Family and relatives will always be happy to support you. If you have relatives abroad, go visit them.

Go on vacation

If you like to travel, take advantage of the moment, go to the sea, visit another city or country. A change of environment has a positive effect on a person, especially when it comes to mental trauma.

Don't travel alone because if you do, you won't be able to enjoy your trip. Take friends or relatives with you who can share all the emotions with you.

READ What should a child do if his parents are getting divorced?

It is not at all necessary to go abroad if there is no financial opportunity. You can go to the sea or to the forest. Fresh air, warmth, sun will change your mood for the better. To get the most out of your vacation, don't let negative thoughts ruin your mood.

How to punish your ex-wife

Only weak men after a divorce try to take revenge on the wife who left them. But if you really have reasons for this, you can use the following advice from psychologists:

1. Become a better person.
2. Change your job.
3. Earn more money.
4. Buy another car.
5. Chat with other women.
6. Start new relationships.

This kind of behavior will touch a nerve in every woman, even those who no longer feel any emotions towards you. There is no need to take revenge for what you have done; it is enough to simply do everything to make your ex-wife regret leaving you.

Another punishment for her will be the refusal to return to her family, even if she wants it. The main thing is to always measure the level of revenge and not go too far, so that your wife does not file a lawsuit to deprive you of parental rights.

How to avoid mistakes after your wife leaves

After divorcing their wife, most men, in a fit of anger, resentment and disappointment, make various mistakes. To prevent them, you need to know them in advance. Here are a few of the most common:

1. Against the backdrop of stress and anxiety, a man is protected from friends and relatives. Engaging in self-flagellation can lead to the development of feelings of self-pity, which develops depression, complexes, and lack of self-confidence.
2. Full focus on problems. All this will have a bad effect on the performance, moral and physical condition of a man. Guys are also prone to analysis and spinning negative thoughts, just like girls. In case of divorce, it is better to refuse this.
3. Intentionally provoking the spouse in order to enter into conflicts with her. If a man finds it difficult to deal with negative emotions, he can bring them down on the culprit, every time he meets her. The situation gets worse when the former couple has children together. They become bargaining chips and suffer from their parents’ hostility towards each other.
4. Hasty new relationship. Trying to prove her own importance, especially if a woman has left for another man, her ex-husband makes a big mistake. First you need to get rid of any feelings and emotions from your past relationship, relax, work on yourself, and only then build a new relationship.

What not to do

Desperate men can take extreme measures after a divorce, which globally spoil the relationship between ex-spouses, forcing them to make many mistakes. Let's look at what not to do after a divorce;

1. Blackmail your wife with the idea that you will take her children away.
2. To persecute, threatening with violence.
3. Persuade children not to want to live with their mother.
4. Immediately build relationships with other women if you want to save your family.

If you don’t make these mistakes, then there is a chance to renew your relationship with your spouse. You can experience the situation in different ways, but do not take revenge on your wife, do not threaten her and behave in such a way that she herself wants to return to you.

How loved ones can help

There's no need to grieve. During a divorce, a person is faced with going through several stages of letting go. All of them are quite painful and require a lot of endurance. Relatives can help you get through difficult times. When everyday affairs become a burden and you don’t want to do anything, it’s wise to ask for help from those around you. Support and understanding are the most healing feelings. Only loved ones can console and not demand anything in return. If there is an opportunity to turn to your father, mother, brother, sister or friend, then it should be used and appreciated.

Reasonable behavior will help you successfully go through a divorce. We must learn to control ourselves, pay attention to our feelings, and follow the voice of reason. You should never be guided by limiting attitudes.

Advice from a family psychologist

Relationships are a complex process that you need to work on even after a breakup. To change your wife’s opinion and remain a man in her eyes, you should follow the advice of a family psychologist:

1. Don't flatter yourself with hopes that your wife will return.
2. Talk to your children at least 2 times a week.
3. Don't talk to them about your relationship, for them mom and dad will always be the best.
4. Avoid random meetings if you want to forget your spouse.
5. Don't look for solace in alcohol; it's best to get involved in work or sports.

If you don’t want to feel the pain of a breakup inside you for a long time, but want to get out of this state and start living again, follow the tips listed above.