How to get over a divorce from your wife easier if you still love her: what to do after a divorce if your wife left for someone else and there are children, advice from a psychologist

If you are concerned about the question: “How to survive a divorce from your husband?”, then it means that it is difficult for you, and you need help. For many women, this situation is painful and is accompanied by mental and emotional shock. In some cases, shocks turn into physical suffering. Women who have thought about ways to survive a divorce from their husband have embarked on the path of healing and understand the need to solve the problem.

Parting: typical reaction of a spouse

The psychology of men and women is different. Divorce is an unpleasant period. Life comes to a standstill, and relationships that lasted a long period of time end. The usual way of life is changing. The man begins to live alone, changing his outlook on life. There is a desire to punish the wife. Unused free time appears. Psychologists identify typical behavioral reactions of a man experiencing a divorce from his wife:

Detachment. By studying the opinion of a psychologist, you can find out typical behavior patterns. Withdrawal is a dangerous reaction. A man refuses to show his true feelings to others. Inside, a guy is trying to figure out how to get over his divorce from his wife. Signs confirming the presence of experiences are silence and isolation. The guy often refuses to eat. There is a desire to achieve peace of mind. Moral injury is treated with alcohol. Depression develops. A visit to a psychologist will help you overcome this reaction.
Posturing. A man who has gone through a divorce tends to maintain a defiant behavior. The guy demonstrates a lack of need for a family. The fact that the woman you love is gone doesn’t hurt. The ex-husband demonstrates that depression is unusual for him. However, reality is different from illusions. The guy feels lonely, misses his wife and doesn’t know how to get over the breakup. My ex-husband is suffering from depression. A man spends hours analyzing a breakup. The guy is self-flagellation. If the wife leaves, and the husband chooses a behavioral reaction, then there is cause for concern. The end result of the situation is moral exhaustion. Depression will lead to bad habits.
Trying to maintain a relationship with my wife. If the initiator of the divorce is a woman, the guy refuses to accept the situation. The husband tries to ignore what happened, trying to save the family. The behavior does not change. The tactics are followed by husbands who are accustomed to hearing threats about breaking up their relationship. On a subconscious level, a man has the hope that the application for divorce is another manipulation of his wife. You won't have to go through a breakup. Psychologists advise accepting the current situation. The husband must direct his energy to finding an answer to how to survive a divorce from his wife? Studying the advice of a psychologist, the guy will analyze the situation. Conclusion - the chosen tactics will not bring results. The couple will separate. The husband realizes that his wife has left. If you take into account the opinion of a psychologist, it will become clear that life does not end with separation. The world moves on. The guy must survive the situation. The reason is the realization of goals.

Ignoring the problem will make the situation worse.

To find a solution, you need to visit a psychologist. The doctor will tell you how to forget your ex-wife. Tips will help you survive the current situation. The psychologist will tell you that there is a way to survive the breakup. The result of the visit will be a developed system of actions aimed at alleviating the man’s condition. Depression will not occur. The desire to punish your wife will not appear.

Why you need to wait it out

Very often you can injure yourself again in such a hurry, “random partners” will not be able to satisfy your emotional hunger, your habit of living “as before” is still too strong, and the new partner may simply have a desire for “intimacy”
However, the situation may be the opposite, and a person may be 100% suitable for you, but you are still in that “old” relationship and now you do not have the strength to evaluate and see everything correctly
You can get into the “wrong” relationship, and you can simply be manipulated and take advantage of your state of “pain”
“I molded him from what was”, this is already in the category of fear of being alone, so I’ll go with what I have

The reasons to get a kick again are growing exponentially. You are not ready for a new relationship until you “get over” this breakup. It is a fact!

“I’m somehow not like that,” since they left me, abandoned me, divorced me...

This is the most common phrase that women say to themselves. Self-esteem drops significantly. Immediately the accusations begin in favor of the fact that:

Doubts about your feminine qualities
Dissatisfaction with your appearance
Finding flaws
Playing out endless dialogues in your mind: “If I hadn’t said that, acted like that, didn’t do that, then everything would have been fine.” And this is an illusion that definitely won’t help you now.
Searching for the reasons for one’s “guilt” and insolvency

The biggest doubt that arises is that there may still be the possibility of a new relationship, perhaps even better than the previous one. The conclusion is always the same: “Nobody needs me anymore . Sometimes a partner offends by saying these words “out of the kindness of his soul.”

Consequences of separation: we continue to live

Drowning grief with alcohol is not an option. Experts working in the field of psychology have developed a list of recommendations that allow a husband to survive separation from his wife:

Try to maintain friendly relations with your spouse. If a wife leaves or a man gets divorced, this is not a reason to destroy bridges. Experts advise spouses to try to remain friends. Such relationships will help you avoid unpleasant situations. A man will make it easier for himself to obtain permission to see his children.
Prevent intentional isolation from the world. Experiences force the ex-husband to seek solitude. Advice from psychologists contains the opposite information. Explaining the problem to your loved ones will help you figure out how to cope with your wife’s departure. Psychologists advise finding a friend who can listen to the truth about the current situation. There is no need to be shy to express your feelings. Communicating with a supportive person will help save your nerves. This action will make life easier after divorce. Depression will subside.
It is advisable not to enter into a new relationship. After a divorce, the husband must move on. You cannot start a new relationship with the goal of punishing your ex-wife. After all, you won’t be able to forget the woman you love. Since the guy risks hurting his ex-girlfriend. However, the new relationship may not last long. Such actions by the ex-husband can cause unpleasant consequences. The situation that the girl left may happen again. As a result, depression will develop again. Therefore, after a divorce, psychologists advise taking a break. This approach will allow you to survive an unpleasant moment. You are allowed to try to start a relationship, it will be possible a little later.
Take up a hobby. When you worry after a divorce that your wife has left, you need to release the accumulated energy. While studying the advice of psychologists on methods to help you survive a breakup, you can pay attention to your hobbies. It is forbidden to neglect communication with friends. An active position will help protect against apathy.

Measure seven times - cut once or what do you lose3

We will not analyze crisis situations. It’s already clear there that you need to get out as quickly as possible.

Before you decide to proudly leave the quiet, family haven, think carefully about how bad everything is in your marriage. Just don't do it emotionally. According to statistics, 70% of couples separate after a major quarrel. As a result, many regret what happened, but for some reason they are ashamed of the rapprochement and prefer to leave everything as it is.

Imagine that you are free. What feelings come to you? Most likely, intoxicating delight: finally, you are free to do whatever you want and live the way you want. But at the same time, consider what you will lose:

children - definitely, there will definitely not be normal communication with them,
clean and comfortable house with delicious dinner,
loneliness will overtake you in the evenings,
free access to the female body: you will have to look for and seduce young ladies who can no longer be seduced with flowers.

Yes, a lot of negativity will go away, but how ready are you to just burn all your bridges? It will be much more productive to work on relationships, and any idiot can break them completely. And this is not an ode in defense of family and marriage, and not pretentious statements. That's life!

Divorce from my wife: avoiding extremes

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Parting is the reason for failed plans. The guy loses faith in the relationship and excludes the possibility of continuing to live. The period of separation is associated with a flurry of unpleasant discoveries. Emotions are overwhelming. Depression develops, which prevents you from moving on with your life. Studying the advice of a psychologist, a guy should pull himself together and not go to extremes. You need to take care of your health. Life goes on. You need to try to distract yourself. Trying to switch to a hobby will have a beneficial effect. Your mood will improve. It is forbidden to try to punish your wife. Fact will not help you survive a divorce. Depression may develop.

Psychologists advise starting life after a divorce by getting rid of memories.

It is forbidden to concentrate on the fact that the wife left and the guy got divorced. Taking into account the opinions of the psychologist, the spouse is obliged to put aside emotions and soberly assess the situation. We need to acknowledge the fact of separation. You won't be able to keep your wife. Trying to influence a woman's opinion will fail.

The guy’s task is to continue living. It is prohibited to try to correct the current situation if the facts indicate that it is impossible to prevent separation from your loved one. If the situation develops that a couple is forced to continue to occupy a common living space after a divorce, rearranging the furniture will help them survive the separation. Experts advise starting to make repairs. If the girl has left and the man is the only occupant of the house, the photos together must be removed. The husband is obliged to give away his wife's personal belongings. The procedure will help you survive a divorce.

The spouse must try to plan his future life separately. Psychologists suggest formulating goals. The peculiarity of the operation is that tasks that can be implemented in the short term are selected. The incentive to develop will allow you to survive the divorce. Making plans related to relationships is prohibited. A man may try to get a promotion at work. The task will distract you from unnecessary thoughts. The husband's worries will decrease. It is forbidden to simplify the task. The guy is obliged to take care of the attractiveness of the target. By starting to take steps to help realize his dream, a guy will prevent rash actions after a divorce. The fact will allow you to survive the breakup.

Life goes on after a breakup. A man must try to discover the delights of single life. If divorce is a difficult experience, experts advise taking a piece of paper. The page is used to record benefits. You need to find out what advantages the separation from your wife gave. Action will lead to difficulties. Psychologists advise putting the sheet in a visible place. Adjustments are being made gradually. You need to make notes daily. There is a point in performing the action. The operation will highlight the advantages of separation.

Going through a divorce is not difficult. The man must start taking steps towards the exit. The situation will soon improve. Psychologists advise choosing an interesting activity that can absorb a man. Keeping busy will help you get through an unpleasant period. Experts advise learning to negotiate. Collaboration will speed up problem solving. If a couple has children together, after a divorce, the spouses will have to meet repeatedly in court. Members of the separated couple will have to resolve a list of issues. It is difficult to survive the repetition of the official separation procedure. Spouses are required to resolve issues of financial support for their offspring. Drawing up an agreement will simplify litigation. The operation will eliminate the worries.

Quick marriage after divorce

Many women think that a new romance will save them from loneliness, they will feel better in a new relationship, this is the so-called ambulance after a divorce from their husband.
Depression will go away. Time will be busy. There will be no need to stay alone in the apartment for a long time. Women hope that with a new man it will be easier to go through the process of divorcing their husband. But this approach is wrong. You shouldn’t make a new mistake when you haven’t yet been able to overcome and let go of the old one. A new relationship will not come to the rescue and will not help you easily forget your ex-husband. Women strive to quickly enter into a new relationship when their spouse has abandoned them, gone to his mistress, or committed betrayal. They want to annoy their ex-husband more than to start building a family and go through a divorce. To start your life anew, you don't have to immediately attract a partner. We must wait until the depression goes away and the state of mind stabilizes.

If you plunge headlong into a new romance, you will constantly compare your partner with your ex-husband. There is no need to do this. And comparisons may not be in favor of a new relationship.

How to get over a breakup: you have a child

Having children makes the divorce process more difficult. Breaking up a relationship is difficult for members of a broken family. Separation can cause a loss of connection with the child. Children after their parents' divorce remain in the care of their mother. A loving father is forced to endure a double loss. Divorce breaks off the relationship with your loved one. Separation reduces the time spent together with the offspring. If the child is an adult and can independently make decisions regarding meetings with his father, then it is easier to survive the breakup. The presence of a baby obliges parents to break up the relationship carefully. Members of a couple have a responsibility to try to reduce the risk of psychological trauma.

The task of adults is to explain what is happening. The father did not abandon the child. The beloved man will continue to take part in the baby’s life, attend birthdays, and give gifts. The difference is that the man lives separately. There is no way to go through a divorce painlessly. Spouses are able to reduce the impact of the consequences of separation. Having reached the age of 10, a child has the right to independently decide on the choice of a parent. Separating spouses are obliged to accept the offspring's decision.

Life without ex-wife

Divorce is a reason to change your life. After separation, psychologists advise spouses to stop self-flagellation. Regret over the departure of the woman you love will not help you survive a divorce. A stable internal state of a man is the key to success. A confident guy will achieve his desires. The fact that the wife left will not prevent you from achieving your goal. The start of global change begins with minor changes. Help to get over a breakup:

wardrobe change;
the decision to start making repairs;
choosing a new hairstyle.

Hold or let go

Before deciding which tips on “how to survive a divorce from your wife” will be useful, you need to decide whether the separation is final or whether there is a chance to improve the relationship. In the first case it is important:

“let go” of the situation. Resentment, anger, jealousy and irritation are non-constructive emotions. They will not help smooth out the problem, they will not allow you to calmly accept changes in life;
Do not take out your indignation at your spouse’s actions (or your decision, forced or voluntary) on relatives and children. The exception is if the separation was the result of deliberate intervention by loved ones. However, here too a careful analysis of actions is necessary;
promptly resolve financial issues without infringing on the rights of the ex-girlfriend and joint children;
find a way to distract yourself from negative emotions. Alcohol, drugs, gambling addiction and aggression towards others are not considered as a means of distraction.

If problems in the family can be solved and the old relationship can be restored, then you need to think not about how it is easier to survive a divorce from your wife, but about actions to get her back.

How to cope with yourself

If emotions run high and the desire to throw them out in the form of aggression or other unreasonable actions is too great, you need to realistically assess your condition and take action.

Kind of emotion	Manifestation	Correct reaction
Hatred, anger	Anger and anger towards a woman (she destroyed her usual life, love, career, deprived her of children, etc.), towards the world and others (they allowed/contributed/provoked)	A realistic assessment of the causes of the breakup, suppression of anger, a course of psychoanalysis or sedative therapy to eliminate manifestations of aggression
Pain	Search for a “painkiller” - alcohol, drugs, games, withdrawal or religion	Rational methods of distraction - psychotherapy, occupational therapy, new hobbies or sports, religion in reasonable doses
Fear	Afraid of being lonely and not knowing what to do, a man looks for a new relationship or withdraws into himself	Distraction from fear, an attentive approach to a new connection. Understanding the transitory nature of change
Resentment	Associated with a lack of understanding of the real reasons for divorce. Manifested by complaints, attempts to inflict retaliatory pain, to find participation	Analysis of the reasons for separation, forgiveness
Shame	A man may be ashamed of his behavior (reasons for separation) or the actions of his girlfriend, his inability to keep a woman	Calm analysis, rethinking behavior
Secret or obvious joy	Occurs when there is a desired separation. Woman's decision brings relief	Neutral behavior without showing pleasure

Usually emotions arise in a complex manner, so the question of how to survive a wife’s betrayal and divorce is also solved in a complex manner.

Voluntary or forced?

Divorce from a beloved wife or separation from a woman for whom there are no and never were feelings are different. In the first case, financial difficulties (division of housing, issues of providing for children) are accompanied by melancholy and resentment. If the breakup was initiated by the man, he may also feel remorse.

problems of one/both spouses (alcoholism, other types of addictions, aggression, serious illnesses, personal degradation, etc.);
reluctance of spouses to interact and build relationships;
material difficulties (insufficient income of spouses, problems with housing, etc.);
betrayal on one or both sides;
excessive passion of partners for work or hobbies, refusal to spend time together;
impossibility/unwillingness of spouses to have children;
different attitudes towards raising children.

Depending on what reasons had a stronger influence on the desire of the couple (one of the partners) to separate, the attitude towards divorce differs. The easiest way to divorce a wife (reviews of such situations are presented in different sources) is when both spouses are morally ready to separate.

Reasons for divorce2

The decision to divorce is not spontaneous. It develops gradually. Psychologists have tried to identify the main points preceding divorce. And they are:

Treason that is known, but has been forgiven. In 90% of cases, it is very difficult to survive such a candybober. And after some time, the victim of betrayal cannot stand it and files for divorce.
Topics of conversation boil down to children and money. It turns out that there is nothing more to talk about. It used to be possible to chat endlessly on various topics. And it was always interesting. Now everything revolves around diapers or twos, or the tenth birth of a cat is discussed.
Sex was completely blown away. He obeys the regime, it happens no more than twice a week, or even less often. And couples over 35 generally see each other naked only in the bathroom, when they bring a towel.
Tenderness. A routine kiss on the cheek on the threshold and that’s all. All other “veal tenderness” disappeared into oblivion. Sadly…
Both of them can easily go to another harbor. It's not about the other partner, but about the den. When a person knows that he has nothing in common with Nif-Nif and Naf-Naf, and he has a strong and reliable house, he can easily change his location without any curtseys.
Distances are no longer a burden. People who are close to divorce can easily spend their holidays separately from each other. Business trips do not unsettle them. They even enjoy breaking away from the family circle.

Single-parent family. One child or the absence of children makes a marriage vulnerable. After all, there is practically nothing connecting people. Of course, the presence of offspring is not an indicator at all, but at least some kind of anchor.
Adult children. Often, couples divorce when their children grow up and become independent. During this period, many feel the heady spirit of freedom, which demolishes the tower so much that they indulge in all serious things. About this age they say “gray hair in the beard, a devil in the rib.” But only a complete idiot would change horses midstream.

How men feel about breaking up a relationship

The ability not to show outward emotions, instilled in early childhood, has a bad effect on the male half of humanity. The inability to express feelings in tears, conversation, or actions leads to worsening stress. In this case, the reaction of the stronger sex to the desire expressed by the spouse to separate is manifested as:

Denial of the situation. The “ostrich” position - if I don’t see a problem, there isn’t one. In this case, the man is not thinking about how to survive a divorce from his wife and child, but how to hide family troubles from strangers and himself;
Bravado. The man assures his ex-wife and himself and his loved ones that the breakup of the family is indifferent to him, his girlfriend is of no interest and can be replaced by another;
Aggression. Realizing that the marriage is being destroyed, the husband puts pressure on his former beloved and relatives. Treats loved ones (including children) inappropriately, splashing out negativity on them;
Nagging. The situation manifests itself as complaints “my wife left, how to survive a divorce,” demonstrative suffering, hysterics. There may be cases of ostentatious suicide;
Closedness. A man “closes himself in”, conceals emotions and rejection of the situation. Deep depression and actual suicide are possible. Such a person needs advice from a psychologist - they will help him survive a divorce from his wife and not ruin his life in 50...75% of cases.

Advice from psychologists

To cope with a divorce initiated by your spouse with dignity, listen to several general recommendations from psychologists:

make an effort to build neutral or friendly communication with your wife, this is especially necessary if you have children;
spend time with friends and loved ones, they will help you survive betrayal and other difficult situations that led to divorce;
realize your goals, life tasks, don’t give up on your future, career, various hobbies;
give yourself time to rest and calm down, visit interesting places, travel, all this will help fill the spiritual emptiness with new positive emotions;
Spend more time with your children, take an interest in their morale and successes, invest in your children’s upbringing and values, not money.

Do you trust the advice of psychologists?

Not really

A man's experience of divorce

After a divorce, the spouses separate and everyone begins to live their own lives. A man, accustomed to living together and spending time together, is left alone with himself.

Unexpected and unusual loneliness often pushes men to make rash decisions.

actions and demonstrative actions that are aimed at overcoming feelings of melancholy. It is during the period after a divorce that men often begin to drink alcohol, gamble, engage in promiscuous sex, etc. Such behavior is explained by a reluctance to analyze their psychological state and remain alone with their thoughts.

How to survive a divorce?

The divorce situation for a man is often complicated by two possible factors:

He continues to love his wife. Having feelings for a woman who is no longer your spouse can cause you to deny the fact of the breakup. Often, a loving man, even after a divorce, continues to look for meetings and try to get his ex-wife back.
Sometimes the parties do come together and families are reunited. In this case, everything ends well for the man. But, more often than not, the woman does not return to her ex-husband and begins to move on with her personal life. In such a situation, a loving man finds himself in a particularly stressful situation, from which it will take him a long time to get out of it. It is recommended to strive to maintain friendly relations with your wife, but stop being interested in her personal life. Find yourself new hobbies and interests, constantly do something.
He separates from the children. Most often, as a result of the divorce of spouses who have children together, it is the father who is separated from the children. In the best case, the former spouses remain living within the same locality and resolve the issue of joint custody of the children peacefully. In this case, the man can actively participate in the lives of his children and not experience much stress due to separation from them.

But often divorce proceedings take place in the courts and the issue of child custody is resolved in court.

If you want to find out how to solve your particular problem, please contact us through the online consultant form or call :

This situation has a negative impact on the man’s condition, since he is deprived of the opportunity to fully feel like a parent of his own children.

Also, the issue may be complicated due to the wife and children moving to another city or region, to another country. In such a situation, it is important to find a compromise that will suit both spouses. This will not only allow the father to see the children unhindered, but will also protect the children from unnecessary worries due to their parents’ divorce.

The divorce process through the registry office is faster and less expensive than through the court.

Are you planning to get officially married? Find out what days this can be done. This is discussed in detail in our article.

Can a wife file for divorce if she is expecting a child? Find out about it here.

Don't make these mistakes

Divorce is an unpleasant situation. How to get through it easier and faster? For example, you can try not to make mistakes that ex-wives often make. In order not to delay the internal process of saying goodbye to your spouse, do not do these things:

New marriage. After a divorce, everyone feels scared and lonely. Many cannot stand the anxiety about the resulting emptiness and are in a hurry to fill it with another man. This is a gross mistake that leads to bad consequences. Without “mourning” her past marriage, a woman drags the image of her ex-husband into a new family. She unconsciously expects from her new partner the same attitude (good or bad) and behavior that her former lover demonstrated. In fact, she is building the same model of interaction that was in the old family. But there is another person nearby! Conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable, since a woman does not see reality - she ignores the personality of her real partner, attributes to him something that does not exist.
Passion for alcohol. In an effort to get rid of painful feelings (and we need to get over them!), a woman is looking for ways to relax and distract herself. Alcoholic drinks are often used for these purposes. They cause euphoria and temporarily block the pain of the soul, but frequent use quickly develops into chemical dependence. As a result: they fled from one addiction and ran to another. It’s not for nothing that alcoholism is called a disease of the soul of a person who lacks love, care and acceptance. The risk of addiction is higher for those who did not have time to have children in marriage (the feeling of loneliness is then stronger).
Don’t lie to yourself - this means that you don’t need to suppress your emotions and play the role of “I’m fine” in society. Are you angry? Beat a pillow, write about your anger on paper, scream in the forest. If you want to cry, cry, howl. Emotions need a way out, only then will relief come. Suppressing raging energy will lead to psychosomatic illnesses, neurosis and an unhappy life. Live the way you feel. Let it be uncomfortable, unpleasant, awkward, unusual... The main thing is as it really is.
Beware of the illusion of bringing back the past - this has already been discussed a little above, but it’s worth repeating. The desire to return to a past relationship is a trick of the reptilian part of the brain, which “lives” by instincts. When a person finds himself in a new, difficult situation from which he cannot find a way out, he automatically strives to return to the old rut. This is how the self-preservation instinct works. Beautiful images of a romantic reunion, passion that comes out of nowhere, the belief that everything can be fixed - all these are illusions specially created by the brain to return you to your usual state. When such thoughts begin to come to mind, you need to ask yourself: “Why did I actually get divorced?”