Realize that relationships, in any case, cannot be a mission and goal in life.
- Social programming suggests that relationships are the most important component in life. That is, people make building relationships the main component of life. This is a very common thing that can be observed now.
- She is so Hollywood and from films or from some secret childhood dreams. It occurs in both men and women. And if you do not get rid of this illusion, you will still need advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your loved one.
- There is another wrong belief among people . People come to their soulmate as if under the bosom of a tree from work or school with the conviction “but here I will feel good.” And if this happens in your head, then, as a rule, it does not live up to your expectations.
- Sooner or later, illusions will collapse . To some extent, people can create this illusion for each other, then it all just falls apart.
Relationships are definitely important.
In them we can realize ourselves, let another person realize themselves, establish emotional contact with a partner, make our life and his life easier.
But in general they cannot be a mission.
Relationships in any case cannot be a mission in life!
Illusions of girls
On the part of girls, this thing is present in their heads more often. And therefore, they more often need help and various advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with the man they love.
Girls elevate relationships to a higher rank because they have such a biological factor as family and children.
Your problem is that you needed to distract yourself from tightly clinging to relationships and making them a goal in life.
This will only make things worse for you, because sooner or later your illusions will begin to shatter, and you will again think about what to do when your loved one has left you.
Useful advice from psychologists
Most men react quite strongly to a breakup. There are very useful tips from a psychologist that will help everyone cope with shock:
- New hobbies - do not lose yourself under any circumstances. Each guy is an individual with his own preferences and hobbies.
- Do not look for those to blame - in any quarrel there are always two people to blame. Therefore, there is no point in looking for a reason in the behavior of only one person.
- Small joys - an interesting film or book, a delicious exotic dish - will undoubtedly bring pleasure and distract from problems.
- No communication with your ex - and no searching for information about her. Forgive and forget.
- Accept the fact that the relationship is no longer there and move on with your life. It's not as difficult as it might seem at first.
Breaking up a relationship is a difficult test for a man’s psyche, especially if the initiator is a girl. But this is not the end. Life is just beginning. The main thing is to analyze the mistakes and make efforts to not repeat them again.
Don't let yourself fall into an emotional hole after a breakup
- It is very important when such breaks and critical moments occur, it is not to let yourself slide into an emotional hole. Some people become depressed. You can learn about ways to get rid of depression in another publication. They can last not one day, but even a week or two. This can really undermine you.
- Emotionally, the problem may be completely trivial. But, for example, a man can fall so emotionally into this gap that he has a desire to go to the mountains, become a monk and do nothing else in this life, or go headlong into business, forgetting about women altogether.
- Although in reality not everything is so serious . Anything can happen. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t make mountains out of molehills, and know everything about how to survive a breakup with a girl after a long relationship or many years of marriage.
What Your Brain Can Do to You: The Broken Record Analogy
- All your memories of past love , when everything was good, bloomed and smelled - it’s just an appearance. If that balance were preserved, then this would really be so. And this is an illusory appearance. This is already like a broken record, which is also broken.
- How is your brain playing tricks on you? When you had a breakup and there were a lot of mistakes that you don’t even really want to remember, your brain throws this broken record at you.
- In your head you yourself put on this broken record , where the smooth melody no longer plays, but an incomprehensible grinding sound, a pitiful semblance of a melody and only unpleasant sounds.
- This record no longer needs to be repaired ! You just need to find what you really need!
- There's no need to even try to go back . It's not worth it. Approach the situation soberly, and you will know everything about how to start living after breaking up with your loved one.
Allow yourself to leave forever: there is nothing left to decide, no need to cling
Let yourself go forever.
Understand that there is nothing and no one to resolve.
Some of you messed up and it is important to understand that this is normal.
No matter how painful it may be, give yourself the opportunity to leave forever.
Just like your partner gives himself this opportunity.
Every girl and every guy gives himself this opportunity.
Understanding this will close your worries about thoughts about how to survive the breakup of relationships with loved ones.
Make a choice to be cool and not needy, remove expectations.
- A non-needy person is one who does not cling to other people, is inclined to give more than to receive, and never expects anything from this life! Strive to be one.
- A person who is not in need does not think about what you will have in the future (even if there is a 99% guarantee, you do not tell others). You can say: “Yes, I have such plans...”. You're going to do it, but you're not living it.
- You take what you have at the moment , but you never expect anything to happen in the future - good or bad. It's useless.
- Those things that you can cling to in life can be so ephemeral and destructible .
- Your reality should not be based on something external!
A person who is not in need does not need both things and people equally! The paradigm is that they are with them, but there is no fear of loss at all!
A person who is not needy never asks questions about how to continue living after a breakup.
A strong person is only glad that weak people themselves leave his life.
It’s harder for a woman to live like this, but it’s possible. No need to cling to people.
Detailed principles of self-confidence for girls are also collected in another section on the site.
Women have a natural need for a man who will protect her, take care of her, they cling to men. This is their problem!
On our website you can also read another article on the topic of how to get rid of attachment and love addiction.
Why does a relationship break down?
The decision to break up is not made in one day or even in a month. As a rule, this is preceded by a long period of reflection.
The reasons for the breakup can be different. This does not mean that only one person is to blame. This means that something happened in your relationship and you lost contact with each other. Responsibility always lies with both and there is no need to consider who is more to blame and who is less.
You don't have to blame only yourself for this. Yes, you could be less annoyed and demand less. But if your partner was not happy with this, he could tell you about it.
Just learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future.
The pain of separation goes away over time. You fall in love again, get married or get married and live, although differently, but also happily.
In the next six months or a year, completely change your perception of the relationship.
- After your breakup, don’t immediately cling to a new person and don’t try to make him yours for a very long time.
- This should not be confused with not communicating or getting to know anyone at all. No, you are still communicating and getting close to new people, enjoying the attraction between you.
- But there should not be this desire to make a person your property for some long time.
- You must remove the time frame into which you will begin to unknowingly drive a person.
- Live like this for at least the next six months after the breakup. Then, after six months, based on your inner feelings, you can again return to a long-term relationship with one girl (man).
A subtle point that needs to be implemented
Replace the desire to make a person your property with the desire to make him happy.
The best thing you can do for your partner is to let him live his life to the fullest, and you will be there with him whenever he and you want.
You still truly love your partner, but you don't try to keep him in any way.
You must live your own life and give your partner complete freedom of choice.
Implement this perception and no longer worry about how to get over a breakup with your lover or your secret crush.
You can also read about the psychology of relationships between a guy and a girl in a new publication.
The difference between healthy and unhealthy neediness
- There should be no boundaries or understanding that a person is yours. And then you can always go further in terms of developing your spirituality, your level of happiness and harmony.
- Yes, you may have a certain percentage of neediness in a new relationship, but this healthy neediness is when you just want to see the person (no matter how you spend your time). You just want to be together.
How to get over a breakup with a girl
Psychologists believe that men experience a breakup more emotionally. It’s harder for a guy to get over it than for a girl. It’s somehow not customary for men to share their experiences. They have to keep everything to themselves and worry alone.
To understand why your girlfriend left you, you need to analyze the situation.
The reasons may be different:
- You don’t want to change anything in your life, you don’t show initiative and over time you become uninteresting to the girl;
- I’m not confident in myself, the girl doesn’t see support in you. Therefore, in the future she will have to bear everything on herself. And few people will like this prospect;
- A girl gets MARRIED, so she should be behind her husband like behind a stone wall, and not vice versa;
- You have nothing in common, so you don’t suit her either in your worldview or in your attitude to life;
- You're cheating on her. Girls need a serious relationship, but she doesn’t need a frivolous man;
- You don’t appreciate her, you don’t understand her, you don’t pay attention to her.
How to get over a breakup easier
If a girl dumps you, don’t feel sorry for yourself. Perhaps she left not because you are bad, but simply fell in love with someone else. There is no need to withdraw into yourself and feel humiliated.
Chat more with friends. Usually a guy has one or more friends with whom he can share his experiences.
Do what you love and increase your self-esteem. Go in for sports, physical exercise will help throw out negative emotions. Watch interesting films, play computer games, read books. And think about your plans for the future.
What not to do after a breakup
- Do not drink alcoholic beverages. When you drink, you lose control of yourself. This will not provide relief, but it can create other problems;
- Do not call or send SMS messages. So a girl can keep you as a backup option, but do you need that?
- If you don’t agree to remain her friend, you will never become her husband.
Completely ignoring and having no interest in a girl's life will make her more interested in your life. Maybe you'll have a chance to get her back.
A few months will pass, and you may no longer remember your relationship with your ex-girlfriend. And new relationships always arise unexpectedly. Therefore, there is no need to feel sorry for yourself, but you need to use the time after separation to benefit yourself.
You can extract positive aspects from every situation: you gain certain experience, make new connections, and new opportunities arise.
