The right social circle
The formation and upbringing of personality depends primarily on parents, grandparents, and then on everyone else. It’s not without reason that they say that the right circle of friends is the key to a successful life.
The concept of a successful life does not necessarily include material wealth. A person who, having summed up his life, receives some satisfaction from his life can be called successful. The moral component here is of great importance.
In the first years of life, it is the people around who help to perceive the world and influence the child’s worldview. There is a famous saying: “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are.” In a sense, a person is a reflection of all those people with whom he constantly encounters. And if the usual social circle in which he moves or lives is mistaken in some way, then the person will be partially or completely mistaken, even with a bright individuality.
How to expand your social circle if necessary? There are many answers to this question. To become more sociable, you don’t need to be afraid of people, you need to be open, but not too trusting. Being sincerely interested in the life of your interlocutor, helping at least with advice or action - all this will help you make friends and acquaintances.
Who should you let in and who should you not?
First, you must clarify your goals and values. If you don't know them, it will be difficult for you to know where to start in your relationships with people.
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However, in any case, you should get rid of individuals who adhere to dishonest behavior. And these include liars and people who bring nothing but drama into your life.
Learn to recognize such characters right away! Observe them, create a general psychological portrait, and then tune your “inner bouncer” to not let them into your life.
You also definitely don’t need people who:
- They are trying to control you.
- They don't respect your personal boundaries.
- They believe that only they are always right, and there are two opinions – theirs and the wrong.
- They are not sincere and honest.
- Stick to the role of the victim.
- They refuse to take responsibility.
Such “personnel” will bring nothing but problems.
Energy vampires
In addition to our worldview, we are also affected by the psychological atmosphere at home, at work, and at school. If those around you are prone to pessimism, see everything in a bad light, are suspicious and irritable, or, on the contrary, are overly sociable and optimistic about life, then their influence shapes your character for the better or for the worse. Psychologists advise avoiding eternal whiners and “losers” like hell in life. Such people have been designated as energy vampires, sucking the vital juices from loved ones and not allowing others to realize themselves as individuals.
Therefore, sticking with successful, energetic people is much more beneficial for mental development.
A person becomes healthy both physically and mentally. It doesn’t matter what your social circle is at the moment, if you want to move forward for the better, then surround yourself with those who live a similar life, adopt their habits, lifestyle, of course, taking into account your own individuality.
Establish yourself as a source of value
When you meet a lot of people, you have to get hooked. Nothing hooks you more than the attitude towards the donor. First, really listen to what they say and imagine if you were them. You have to see the world through their eyes. Second, be prepared to share stories, contacts, or quick tips.
When you meet new people, there are some psychological principles that determine whether they will want to meet you again or not. This works on an unconscious level. One of the most important principles is the giver/receiver relationship. If they feel like you only care about yourself, the connection won't happen.
You can portray the giving attitude in two ways. First, you need to really listen to what they have to say, imagine the world through their eyes, and give your opinion about their stories and situations.
The second way is to prove that you are willing to share similar stories about what they are talking about or introduce them to someone who could help them.
Modern subcultures
When you are young, it is easy to fall under the influence of both good and bad company. For example, many subcultures have now developed, the appearance of whose representatives already speaks for itself. There are so-called metalheads who wear long hair, leather, metal rivets, and so on; rappers are characterized by wide, sliding trousers, sneakers, shapeless jackets of huge sizes; goths wear black clothes and look like vampires. There are many communities, for example, business people, office workers are required to come to work in formal suits and ties, women must wear elegant high-heeled shoes, and so on.
And every society has its own morality, and from the point of view of the participants in this society, their morality is the most correct, others do not live as they should. The social circle of some people professing the Christian faith may differ from another Christian society as heaven and earth.
Many sects spread throughout the world pursue their own policies, lure people to themselves in different ways, promising them material benefits and the “kingdom of heaven.” Many fall for the bait and become members of a sect, from which it is then much more difficult to leave than to enter it.
How to become a successful communicator
- Tula hosts many interesting events every week: festivals, concerts, creative meetings, presentations, business lectures, trainings, games, etc. Make a plan for yourself, what events you will attend and how you will receive information about them (for example, on certain websites or social networks). By subscribing to news from various interesting groups, you will receive invitations to various meetings, including free ones.
- Pay attention to your appearance, clothing style, image, because the rule “you meet people by their clothes...” has not been canceled. It will be much easier for you to meet people if you make a pleasant impression on the outside. If you don’t know what you need to create an attractive image, ask your friends and colleagues. It’s always clearer from the outside! We get used to ourselves and sometimes don’t notice obvious annoying flaws in our appearance.
- Learn to smile at strangers, ask questions or ask for help. Do this exercise: every day 5-10 smiles in a store, at a bus stop, in any public place. If this is too easy for you, try saying something unplanned and informal to a stranger.
- Practice feeling people. This is done through looking into the eyes (it is not necessary to look for a long time, you can look away). For example, on a bus, in a queue, looking at a person, try to determine what his character is, what he wants from life, what field he works in, what kind of family he has. You can mentally “give” him what you think he is missing. If a person’s state changes (for example, he smiles or somehow shows his activity), consider that you have hypnotic abilities!
- Prepare your business cards in advance. Even if you are the most ordinary person, you can always figure out what to write on a business card. After all, you have hobbies - cycling, swimming, fishing, fashion, etc. You can come up with any club or community and reflect it on your business card.
How do you know if this is your social circle or not?
Not so long ago, in communist times, Soviet people lived and glorified their leaders, the party, believing that the rest of the world was licentious, unfair, corrupt, and so on. And from the Western point of view, we were limited and zombied people.
When entering one society, you need to take a closer look at who is included in the social circle, what morality is preached. At the first stage, a person is attracted by new interests and perspectives; he enters an unfamiliar circle with wariness. Then, having become accustomed, a person’s wariness and restraint disappear and give way to adaptation. He becomes an active member of society, carries out all sorts of assignments and, making progress, grows in the “career” sense.
But the third stage inevitably comes - disappointment. Maybe from the outside, some parties, especially “star” ones, seem attractive and alluring, but when you become a member of such societies, seeing that there is simply no real development and progress in them, but there are the same conversations, a circle of thoughts, one and the same thing is constantly visible. the same attributes, the person begins to get bored, he becomes uninteresting.
An understanding comes that you need to change not only your range of interests, but also your life radically.
Know in advance the friends you want to make
Before you start spending more time finding friends, do a little planning. Try to figure out what kind of people you want to communicate with. List a few qualities, traits, or interests that you like, and feel free to be more ambitious than usual. This is important because it allows your mind to quickly determine if someone you know is right for you.
Some qualities you can start with are: giving, interesting, fun, ambitious, honest, loyal, curious and reliable.
You can also make a list of activities that you want to do with your future friends. These lists will not be definitive, but the clarity they will bring will save you a lot of time and frustration.
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Time of epiphany
It is human nature to change, to strive for the better, so when a worldview changes, this is the most difficult moment in the life of each of us. Severe psychological stress occurs. It seems that the unshakable world is collapsing, everything that was previously clear to you, had a price, has now depreciated, has no meaning. But this is also a time of grace—a time of insight, the opening of a new level of knowledge. Everyone should take a close look at the present and remember that past circle of communication that drags them into the swamp of everyday life.
The past will make itself felt for a long time; each member is released reluctantly, especially in sects. Members of the sect begin to convince the person leaving that he has not yet fully realized the righteousness of the chosen path, he must stay and continue “his path,” and so on.
If, nevertheless, the decision is ripe, you need to leave for your own realization. In general, a person should not limit himself to just one social circle, be it school, workplace or the Internet. Searching and finding is a valuable and interesting process in life, because man is created in the image and likeness of God, creativity is inherent in each of us.
Constantly meet new people
A good habit is to always meet people you can add to your circles. The reality is, not all the people you date will become your friends, and not all of your current friends will be around forever. So if you don't make new friends, you may end up with no friends at all.
Go to places where it is easy and appropriate for you to approach someone and introduce yourself. Ideally, you want to go to places where others are open to meeting new people.
Examples include trade shows, premieres, galas, cultural or charity events, seminars and negotiations.
Person in my social circle
This concept includes people united by common interests. Each of us is given talents from above that need to be realized during life, and not buried in the ground. An inclination towards one or another area manifests itself in childhood. Attentive parents can easily notice a child's talent. Some like to sing, others like to draw, some are sociable and easily become leaders, while others, on the contrary, are shy and have poor contact with children and adults.
All positive qualities need to be developed, and negative ones should be gently eliminated. So, an unsociable child should not be thrown headlong into kindergarten; it is better to gradually introduce him to other children, being present at the same time.
You need to be able to hold a hyperactive child in your hands without limiting his freedom. The social circle of children can be more cruel than that of adults. Children happily ridicule the shortcomings of others without thinking about the consequences, so if a kindergarten child or schoolchild receives a humiliating nickname and is unable to independently defend his own position, then this nickname will live with him for a long time, maybe until the end of his days.
How to change an unwanted environment?
If from time to time you begin to think that you don’t want to meet with friends, that talking on the phone with them is a waste of time, then it is so. First, determine who exactly in your environment negatively influences you, your thoughts, your health, and whose influence on your moral state is especially noticeable. Analyze who exactly you communicate with most often, whose number you dial, who calls you, who is first on the list of friends on social networks. Perhaps you not only have contact with these people, but also work together. Be that as it may, since you decided to change your social circle, it means that this communication gives you discomfort. This is not a simple quarrel. The essence of the problem is that in some situations the environment “drowns” a person and does not allow him to develop (change interests, make new acquaintances, move up the career ladder). In this case, inaction will affect not only your communication, but to a large extent, your entire life.
So, how to change your social circle: 9 steps
Don't think that this will happen very quickly and easily for you. Before you start working on adjusting your company, consider everything carefully. Analyze your actions, whether you have always been honest to your friends and acquaintances. Did you communicate openly with them? In the same way, take an impartial look at your social circle and what exactly in it does not suit you. And if you are still wondering how to change your environment, then you can proceed as follows:
Learn to say no.
If your comrades are used to complaining about life, constantly borrowing money (especially without paying off debts), asking them to do things for them that you don’t like, learn to refuse. If your refusal was not understood (or received with hostility) and communication reached a dead end, probably the motive for your communication was only your altruism, and nothing more. This format is obviously a losing one, so communication would have to stop sooner or later anyway.
Don't waste your time on useless pastimes.
If you feel that you have outgrown your company, then you should not pretend that you are interested, only in gratitude for the past. This is especially true if relationships in your circle are built on any bad habits. Don’t be afraid to refuse another drinking session or an evening dedicated to discussing someone, of course, without aggression or disdain. Explain that you have other plans and devote yourself to other activities.
Find yourself some entertainment.
To think less about the current situation, find something to occupy your time. For example, instead of a stupid hour-long conversation on the phone, start reading. Start a hobby, just watch your favorite movies, visit relatives, relax. It is important that the activity is chosen to your liking, and not just imposed on yourself in order to do at least something.
Decide on a direction in life.
If you have already thought about how to change your environment, then changes are inevitably coming in your life, regardless of whether you do it voluntarily or stop communicating with familiar people over time. To do this, you must clearly understand what you want to achieve and what the purpose of changing your social circle is. It’s not enough to just say to yourself: “I want to change something.” It is important to understand what exactly you are striving for (career, family, sports, travel, etc.).
Change your interests.
If until today you couldn’t live without visiting the cafe opposite your house after work in the company of acquaintances or friends, but you wanted to quit smoking, stop eating poorly, take care of yourself, start investing energy and time in self-development, then now is the time. When you realize that you are not on the same path with your former company, your friends themselves will gradually move away from you.
Start looking for new like-minded people.
Where? Use the achievements of scientific thought! Search on social networks, on thematic forums, at various events, conferences. Do not hesitate to ask questions and give compliments to those you are interested in. If you are not too shy, take a closer look at the people around you - is there an interesting person there? Be the first to say hello, learn to make eye contact. Don't avoid walking around the city, visiting places that interest you, and be prepared to get closer to new people. Professional exhibitions, conferences and lectures are perfect for making new acquaintances. The obvious advantage here is that you are not directly looking for new contacts, but you have every opportunity to receive them. In addition, these will be people with interests close to you, who may be useful in your professional development.
Prepare for a serious conversation.
If you have seriously begun to think about how to change your environment, stock up on moral strength. Agree, your friends were once close to you; you probably have a lot in common. Therefore, from a psychological point of view, you may be hesitant to end active communication with them. The solution here will be a frank conversation about your priorities, desires, and desire to move forward. It is not necessary to burn all bridges; it is enough to take a break from communication to devote time to your own development.
Distance yourself.
Not everyone is ready for an honest conversation; in addition, there are people who may be simply unpleasant to you. For example, you suddenly realized that a friend is using your friendship for materialistic reasons. This has always been the case, but you have only just seen the light. Reduce your contacts to zero - don’t call or answer calls (or say you’re busy and don’t talk for long), don’t agree to go somewhere together, don’t discuss mutual friends, don’t go on a visit or invite them to your place. Go completely into a new life without this person. However, use this method to a minimum.
