- September 6, 2018
- Manias and Phobias
- Marina Pislegina
Every person at least once in his life has heard the following phrase from another person: “I don’t trust people.” But why does a man or woman talk about this? What is this - a phobia or a pathological condition associated with some kind of fear? Is it possible that distrust of people arose due to the betrayal of a loved one? Unfortunately yes. Moreover, lack of trust in others is a psychological problem that can be dealt with. Otherwise, a person will not be able to live a full life, create a family, or make friends. Find out more detailed information on this topic from the article.
A short introduction
First you need to figure out why a person stops trusting other people. In fact, every negative experience experienced in the past leaves a serious imprint not only on the soul, but also on the heart. Most often, mistrust arises due to the experienced betrayal of a loved one, the deception of a friend or comrade. In most cases, past problems in relationships with people can seriously harm a person in the future.
Many of us have at least once heard the following phrase from someone: “I don’t trust people.” But why does this happen? Is a lack of trust in other people a serious barrier to living a fulfilling and happy life? Unfortunately, yes, but this problem can be dealt with.
Where does trust or mistrust come from?
The level of trust depends on a person's life experience. In this sense, the most important experience is acquired in the first year after birth.
It is also believed that from birth a person initially has trust in the world. During this period, the whole world for him is represented by his mother. And if she loves her baby and takes care of him, then trust is not violated. The child even learns to remain without her for a short time and not show concern, knowing that the mother will soon return and will not disappear without a trace.
But if the mother does not show feelings, does not care for the child as she should, then he develops anxiety towards her. In the future, this anxiety is transformed into distrust of the world.
Thus, how calm and comfortable a person felt in early childhood determines his character and worldview, as well as whether he knows how to build relationships with other people.
What should be done?
The most interesting thing is that life in society is quite difficult for distrustful people. They want to constantly control others and thus constantly forget about themselves. But to learn to trust people, you need to allow them to make mistakes. Once a person stops controlling others, he will have more time for himself.
In addition, you need to remember that there are no ideal people, and therefore everyone can make mistakes. But you need to be able to forgive. Even if after a certain bad deed a person does not communicate with a friend, acquaintance, colleague, then there is no need to hold a grudge against them for a long time.
It is also worth learning to understand people. After all, if a woman was betrayed by her husband or girlfriend, this does not mean at all that other people can do the same. The main thing is to monitor what a person does not say, but does. You only need to evaluate actions and actions.
A person you can trust will always come to the rescue in difficult times, will not leave you in trouble, will not gossip behind your back, and will always keep his promise. You should not maintain any kind of relationship with envious people, as well as people who constantly deceive and do bad things, so as not to be disappointed later. This needs to be remembered.
After betrayal
If a person says that “I don’t trust people because I was betrayed in the past,” then this means only one thing - the burden of disappointments once experienced does not allow the latter to live fully and be happy. In this case we are talking about betrayal of a loved one.
It is possible that a woman was once betrayed by her husband, and after breaking up with him, she was never able to find personal happiness and get married again due to her distrust of the opposite sex. The problem in this case is obvious.
In such a situation, people need to find the strength within themselves and forgive their ex-partner. But it’s still not worth returning to the traitor. Especially if the husband has already cheated on his wife.
If the offender still repents and asks for forgiveness, then you need to listen to him. This will make things easier for both partners.
There are couples who, having separated due to the betrayal of one of the partners (most often the husband, because men very rarely forgive betrayal), reunite to start a family. But without trust they can no longer build normal relationships. In such a situation, time must pass. It is possible that in a few months the resentment will pass, emotions will subside, and the spouses will be able to build a new harmonious relationship.
What to say when you are experiencing heartache
When you are sad and lonely, there is a desire to find an outlet for such emotions. The search for options begins. One of them is to share your feelings with others by posting the status of not trusting anyone on your profile. Let your friends and family see it, and maybe it will help you cope with the boil.
- Looks like you can't trust anyone, at least until you check.
- People say: “Trust, but verify,” but I believe that trust is generally a myth.
- No matter how trust is expressed, I still don’t trust anyone.
- I don’t understand what kind of mood you live in if you think that you can’t trust anyone.
- You can’t trust it, you can’t do it to anyone.
- With trust, everything is lost, now there is no one to trust.
- Nobody knows how I feel because I can’t trust anyone anymore, it’s such a difficult feeling.
- It’s finished with him, he’s no longer in me, this trust.
- With great difficulty, I was able to prove to myself that trusting relationships are not about my friends.
- You cannot build trust with someone who causes antipathy. But is it possible with those you trust? This is also a big question.
- I live and don’t believe, I don’t trust anyone at all, at all...
- The meaning of trust is if it is unsteady, and what is unsteady cannot exist for long.
- Mythical relationships create a lack of trust in everything.
- I was tired of trusting just like that, so I decided that I couldn’t trust anyone.
- Of course, I would like to be wrong, but life has confirmed that it is useless to trust.
What psychologists advise
How to learn to trust people after resentment and betrayal experienced in the past? Not only women, but also men often turn to specialists with this question.
Psychologists advise doing the following in this situation:
- Find out the reason for the mistrust. As a rule, this problem stems from the past, unsuccessful life experiences.
- You need to forgive your offender, even if it is very difficult.
- It is imperative to analyze what happened and draw conclusions for yourself, because because of one sad incident in the past, you do not need to deprive your entire social circle of trust.
- Take a piece of paper and write on it all the psychological judgments about why you can’t trust other people (for example, they constantly deceive, betray), and then refute everything written with positive incidents from life (if it weren’t for my husband’s betrayal, I wouldn’t have met my the only and beloved person).
- It is necessary to always have a positive attitude when communicating with people who do not deserve distrust from their interlocutor.
By following this advice from psychologists, you can get rid of this psychological problem forever. After all, if a person says “I don’t trust people,” this means that he has serious reasons for this. Using the above tips you can deal with this problem.
Reason for mass mistrust
Why do they say you can't trust people?
Today they very often say that you shouldn’t .
Statements like “You can’t trust anyone” are heard everywhere.
The reasons for this are simple - everyone in life, one way or another, has had to deal with deceivers, scammers, and liars.
Some of these were interested in money, some were interested in intangible benefits, and some were simply a pathological liar or an insensitive person, cold to the feelings of others. Everyone came across one or two similar types.
And given that we were all once inexperienced and gullible, there were cases of scams and deception. And if money can be returned or earned, then what can we say about situations in which a loved one committed betrayal.
Losing trust in loved ones is always unpleasant. So, the main reason for mass distrust lies in personal experience , in encounters with unscrupulous people. In addition, there are a number of other reasons:
- "MMM" and other pyramids. The press thundered in the nineties and does not stop now. Newly minted scammers who want easy money fall under criminal liability. As their crimes are covered by the media, people become more careful and circumspect. In this case, this is a positive moment of distrust of tempting offers.
- Specifics of the profession. Sometimes the ability to double-check information and doubt everything is a purely professional skill, without which a specialist is neither competent nor wealthy. Such professions include police officers, lawyers, and journalists. All those who make important, sometimes fateful decisions, based on information. And the latter should be as true as possible.
- Upbringing.
Perhaps the person was simply brought up in a family where the parents had a distrustful character. Or someone from the inner circle, the authorities, was inclined to doubt everyone and everything. The child adopts this trait and imprints it into his character, without realizing the objective reasons for the usefulness/uselessness of having such a quality.
Fear of being deceived again
It also happens that a person develops a pathological distrust of others. Of course, this is influenced by events of the past, negative experiences in love relationships, betrayal of a friend. But what next? All the sad events have already happened, but what still prevents a person from continuing to live fully, love, and build relationships? This is fear. A person is simply afraid to relive the same negative experience. Therefore, in order to start trusting people, you need to find the reason for your distrust, and then move on to the investigation.
To the above
If a woman was ever betrayed by a man, then this had to happen. This is an experience. But this does not mean that you need to withdraw into yourself and not allow yourself to love and start new relationships. You just need to be realistic. We must learn to understand people, see their actions, and not just listen to words.
If a person is afraid of losing something close and dear again, this means that something similar has already happened in his life. But you need to continue to live, start a family, make new friends. However, you don’t need to blindly believe everything. The experience was given so that a person understands that people are different. Some will always be faithful, while others will betray at the right moment. This needs to be taken into account.
FAQ
How to trust people if a person has previously experienced a serious negative experience? Most importantly, you don't need to constantly think about your past. Everything bad has already happened, for example, my husband left the family, my friend betrayed me, my colleague set me up at work and my boss fired me. However, this does not mean that the girl will not be able to get married again and become happy, find a new job and make friends with another, more decent person. Therefore, in order to get rid of mistrust of other people, you do not need to constantly remember the negative past and dwell on bad experiences. After all, after a black streak in life there always comes a white one.
Can you trust people who have already betrayed you once? Not only men, but also women often turn to specialists with this question. So, psychologists believe that everything depends on the specific situation. Although it is hardly possible to justify betrayal. However, if a person sincerely repents and asks for forgiveness for his actions, then another can forgive him, although he is not obliged to do so. Nevertheless, it is unlikely that it will be possible to regain trust in a person here. After all, whoever betrayed once can betray a second time. Don't forget about this.
Addition
Why doesn't a person trust? Most often, precisely because he has already encountered deception and betrayal in his life. However, not all people who have had negative experiences in the past withdraw into themselves and stop seeing and communicating with others. Although this also happens.
For example, a man no longer wants to build serious relationships with women due to the fact that his beloved girl did not wait for him from the army. The latter believes that all representatives of the fair sex can do the same. But, fortunately, this is not the case. Moreover, when people have such fear of building new relationships and meeting another person, they definitely need to work through this problem with a psychologist and get rid of it. This needs to be remembered.
Envious people
The ability to feel people and see their hidden intentions, desires and, most importantly, attitude towards oneself needs to be learned long and hard. People prone to envy, those who feel bad when others feel good, do not deserve trust. Anyone who does not know how to be happy for another will always be full of negativity and evil, so you should not get close to such a person. Also not worthy of trust are those people who make mistakes, act dishonestly, unfairly, cruelly, but do not realize what they have done. For example, a person cheated, but does not think that he acted badly and does not repent.
