How to break off a relationship with a man who has no future: useful tips if you don’t love him anymore

A breakup is a painful process for both parties. The most important thing in this is to find the right time and words so as not to hurt. Sometimes separation is inevitable, in other cases it is necessary to preserve more important things, aspects of life. In the article you will learn about how to properly and finally break up with a man you love or have already stopped loving, and you will also receive valuable advice from psychologist Daria Milai.

How to break up if he still has feelings for you

Typically, this question arises from the initiator of a divorce or termination of communication. Regardless of whether it is a lover or a legal spouse, or perhaps a temporary lover for whom you yourself did not have any special feelings, you still need to gently prepare your other half for the conversation, and not immediately begin decisive action.

The main problem for the initiator is the lack of understanding of the other party. No, don’t expect a loving guy to say “Yes, everything is fine, I think so too,” he will talk about the amazing time we spent together, try to win you back.

The main rule is that there is no doubt. It is necessary to decide everything for yourself in advance and finally and then not retreat back. The second recommendation is don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault that you didn’t succeed in developing an ideal relationship, and you don’t have to suffer and be burdened by communicating with an unloved person.

The main reasons that delay the breakup are:

Compassion and pity - strong love cannot be built on these feelings.
Guilt.
Fear for your own future. Many people think that having lost this partner, she will not find another suitable one, which is completely wrong.

All these impulses and thoughts must be overcome.

Know if your wants and needs are being met in the relationship

It's hard to let someone go until you realize what you're not getting in the relationship. To feel and understand this you must study the needs of your partner. What do you do and give in a relationship? And then think about a healthier alternative for yourself. Analyze whether you feel safe with your partner, are you satisfied with the way they treat you, are your needs for care, tenderness, and support being met? Do you have the same interests?

When you understand what needs are not being met and realize that you are worthy of a relationship that will meet your desires, change will happen with much less pain and fear.

What's the best way to break up with a married man?

Sometimes the romance is so stormy that the partner has to cheat. What if they cheat with you? Not every girl wants to feel like a mistress, especially if her status does not plan to change in the near future. In such a separation, you also need to be decisive, but also wise - you should not ruin the life of your lover.

Reasons for breaking up with a married man

Usually the reasons are that:

The wife becomes not only a lover, but also a friend, the mother of his children. Therefore, according to statistics, no more than 5% of all womanizers leave their families for another woman, while half of the given percentage returns back.
Unusuality in everyday life. Typically, such couples spend dates with an extravaganza of feelings due to the danger and rare meetings full of passion, but the prospect of continuing the relationship and getting closer threatens the obligatory grinding process. And this again means responsibilities, housework, quarrels - many people don’t want this.
Constant lies - both on your part and on his part in front of the family. Have you also become an object of deception?
You have to share a bed with a legitimate “third wheel.” It is unpleasant to realize that a lover needs (or maybe wants?) to make love with his wife.
Material wealth mostly goes into the family nest, and envy appears.

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How to tell a man about a breakup:

Gradually get used to his proximity. Call and write less often, keep meetings to a minimum. This reduced activity will force you to get used to the idea of not having him around all the time.
To reduce the likelihood of a violent reaction and scandal, make an appointment in a public place here and have a conversation about the breakup.
Improve yourself. In realizing your own value and significance, the idea is born that you deserve more than to be a mistress.
Avoid random encounters. If he is your colleague or, especially, your boss, it may be worth changing your job.
Give a mild ultimatum - either marriage or “goodbye”. Explain why you do not want to lose your family home.
If he begins to pursue you, pester you, or make a scene, threaten to tell your wife about everything, but do not take decisive action prematurely, otherwise this may have a stronger influence on the angry man.

Psychology of breaking up relationships

It is worth thinking through the conversation scenario: what exactly and how you are going to say. No matter how much of a loser you think he is, he has his own reasons for continuing the relationship and therefore making you change your mind.

His reaction could be as follows:

He will criticize all your arguments and will try to prove them untenable.

He will convince you of an incorrect assessment of the situation, and will put all the blame on you for the discord in your relationship. He will swear that everything will work out if you give him another chance. By clearly understanding what exactly you will be talking about, you will not get involved in endless explanations, self-justifications and other “charms” that can lead you astray. The Do's and Don'ts list on pages 80-81 will help you plan your conversation.

Try to realistically assess the outcome of the meeting, especially if this is not the first time you are trying to break off a relationship with a man. Of course, a face-to-face conversation is more honest, but if you are not sure that you can cope with your emotions, withstand his response, or are simply afraid of falling under his influence, send him a letter or text message.

If you understand that you can only break up with a guy in absentia, without scheduling a meeting, then doing just that is better than complete inaction.

You NEED to focus on yourself. If you talk about how you feel rather than how he acts, he will be less likely to hang on to his words. For example, say: “I’m very upset when you don’t come on a date” - instead of: “You’re always somewhere, just not with me!”

If a breakup occurs on the initiative of a woman, you NEED to be firm. Naturally, you want to embellish some moments, round off sharp corners, so that both feel comfortable. But if you don't speak directly, he will smash your arguments to smithereens.

You NEED to write a script and rehearse it several times. This will allow you to maintain control of the situation during the conversation.

If your partner interrupts, you can insist that he listen to the end.

If you decide to break off the relationship, then you CANNOT blame the man. Both of you are responsible for the relationship. You had your reasons for dating him, and so did he. Mutual accusations will lead to a dead end.

DO NOT lump all claims together. Talk only about the main thing.

You CANNOT enter into a dialogue that leads nowhere. Pointless discussion can undermine your resolve.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, SO DON'T deviate from your intended path and don't make excuses.

How to break up with your lover

Adultery is a common practice among married women. This is a pleasant break from everyday life, a way of revenge or an opportunity to feel desired. But sometimes such a connection comes to an end - the soul has ceased to be attracted to the beloved, or rational reasons for the break have appeared, or other circumstances. The main difficulty of separation is that the legal spouse does not find out about the betrayal, so it is necessary to separate peacefully from your lover.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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If you still love him

Feelings may remain, but needs require a break; for example, if there is a threat of disclosure, the husband begins to suspect something. In this case, you must use one of the following methods:

Make everything beautiful. Arrange a farewell romantic evening, you need to honestly reveal all your cards - explain why family is more important to you. If a person is loving and understanding, he will let you go.
Don't give up until the last minute. Time heals, but repeated meetings will only make the situation worse.
If it is not possible to quickly break the connection, do it gradually, weaning yourself from constant meetings.
Look for flaws. Yes, he is good-looking and charming, but the main thing is that he is a forbidden fruit, that’s why he’s so drawn to you. But for sure, like every person, he has significant disadvantages. Finding them will help you take the plunge.
Find an emotional replacement. Get joy from a new hobby, go on a trip or change your job to a more attractive one. Pleasant changes will drown out the bitterness of loss.
Sign up for my consultation. I will help you cope with many internal problems and give you the opportunity to understand yourself.

If he doesn't want it

It’s worse if the lover himself is quite happy with his status, loves you and does not want to part with you. In this case, to avoid running into an open scandal, follow the recommendations:

Do not insult your lover, do not point out his shortcomings.
Find a worthy cause, but don't make it out of hand.
Be restrained and even cold when meeting. You can talk about your problems and ask him to solve them. This will probably make you less desirable in his eyes.
Do not resort to blackmail, do not give in to persuasion to stay in response to silence on his part.

Consider the lover's psychotype

Depending on their character, people react differently to a breakup:

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Choleric people can flare up and show excessive aggression, be careful.
Melancholic people are vulnerable, they do not tolerate a breakup well, they can be deeply offended and very worried.
Sanguine people are good friends and optimists; they are generally understanding and will easily accept an offer to separate.
Phlegmatic people are calm, they will not object or fight for affection, but will accept the current situation.

How beautiful and dignified it is to part with the man you love

In this case it will not be painless. The loved one, even if he tries to accept the situation with consent, will unconsciously open the wound. Any meeting or mention of yourself can cause pain. But there are several ways that will help reduce the negative consequences.

If you are the initiator

The reason may be coldness on the part of the man. If you feel the first signs of a breakup, keep your pride and take this step. For this:

Be frank when talking, but restrain your emotions - don’t throw yourself around with tears, but don’t slap them in the face screaming about allowed youth.
Don't give in to persuasion. If you decide to leave, don't give up.
Do not give the opportunity to interpret the words differently - be extremely precise in your wording.
You should not go to the last meetings, arrange farewell parties, they will just become another.

And if he is the initiator

In this case, you just need to maintain your own dignity and inner peace. For this:

Find the motive. It is worth understanding why the breakup occurred. If the reason is you, this is a reason for introspection and change.
Identify its shortcomings and list them.
Give yourself time to cry - a day, three, a week, no more. When the term expires, cross him out of your life.
Tell a friend, a diary, or a professional about grief - sign up for my consultation.
Focus on yourself - on your career, appearance and sports, hobbies, new learning.
Perceive the past positively, remember the beautiful with joy that it happened, and not with bitterness that it has passed.

Become honest with yourself and raise your self-esteem

This is the hardest part. In order to break a connection with someone to whom you have a strong attachment, you need to be honest with yourself. You must clearly see in the relationship what is destroying it. Weed out thoughts that justify the behavior of your partner or the union as a whole.

Was your self-esteem low in this relationship? Did you get what you deserve? Imagine helping your best friend see the future of his/her relationship. So that you tell them about your partner?

Take an honest inventory of your soul. How much worry, sadness, disappointment do you keep inside? Realize that you no longer need these feelings for your daily experience.

Feel all the pain with your heart, not your head. This step is necessary as an impetus for the upcoming changes. If you numb the pain now, it will only get worse over time.

The right way to break up with a loving man

Have you cooled down, but still feel enthusiastic looks and hope? When you are confident in a breakup, it is important not to hurt your lover’s feelings. After all, he hasn’t done anything wrong, he’s just experiencing unrequited love.

How to break up with a guy correctly and competently and do it beautifully

Let's give some recommendations:

Don’t be alone; it’s better to choose a neutral area – a cafe, a park.
Don't give false hope for a possible positive outcome.
Prepare your speech and arguments in advance.
You cannot humiliate or insult your partner.
Don't offer friendship after a breakup - this is a rare, almost non-existent phenomenon.
Put an end to it - don’t answer calls, don’t be provocative, try not to cross paths.

And if you want him to come back later

Cunning seductresses believe that you can increase your lover’s feelings if you let him understand that you are not his property and he can lose you. This is a multi-step strategy that needs to be thought through in advance.

Adviсe

On the eve of the “breakup”, be as affectionate and gentle as possible, make sure that he remembers the last weeks for a long time.
During the conversation, calmly and confidently explain that you love him, but you simply cannot put up with a number of things (not enough romance, not enough gifts, rare manifestations of attention - emphasize what is needed). Especially insist that you are sorry, but there is simply no other way.
The “English style” leaving tactics promotes reflection and can lead to a man’s self-analysis.
Just offer to take a break from each other. During this period, he realizes how dear you are to him.

And if he doesn't come back

Give him time. Usually representatives of the stronger sex first rejoice in freedom, and only then begin to understand the negative side of the current situation.
Respect yourself and don't ask him to come back.
Calls or meetings - only according to a well-planned plot in advance, under a good pretext.
Establish close contact with mutual friends - they will remind your lover how amazing and mind-blowing you are.

Make a decision and follow it.

The time to make a decision comes at the moment when you realize that all options for improving the relationship have ended. You need to move forward. Often in these moments we feel like we have to choose between two bad options. But remember, if you want change, there is always a third choice!

Change won't happen when you have a perfect plan. Let's face it - there is no perfect strategy and no perfect time to do it. Wish, believe and move towards the future you want for yourself.

Making the decision to leave a relationship that is painful is very difficult. But it's possible. All you need to do is hear your desires. Be honest about what your heart yearns for and deserves.

How to find out that he intends to separate

The opposite situation also happens - a man wants to leave, but for a long time he does not dare to do so. It is better to prepare or even play ahead.

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Signs

Less time spent together.
No frequent calls or messages.
In kisses and intimate relations there is no former ardor and passion.
Trips to the garage and time spent at the console have become more frequent.
The words you say seem to fall on deaf ears.
Your lover is no longer interested in your problems.
Jealousy towards other women appeared.
You quarrel more, spend time apart.

What to do

We recommend having an open conversation. Even if the other half denies intentions to separate, you will feel them. The best option is to leave first. Neat and polite, no scenes.

When is the best time to say goodbye?

An informed decision is born after one or two weeks of reflection. There is no right or wrong moment. However, it is better not to do this on the eve of the holidays or against the backdrop of an important event (someone's death, illness of a loved one, career changes), as this will double the negative impact and worries. Suitable time of day is morning, first half of the day. At this moment, a person looks at everything with open eyes and a strong mind.