Love and infatuation, how to survive unrequited love

Often girls fall in love with guys who consciously or intentionally do not show interest in them, do not notice or ignore their sympathy. The feelings that overwhelm you inside do not allow you to exist in peace. And if part of the beautiful half of humanity does not give up trying to attract a lover, then the other reads literature in search of an answer to the question of what should I do if I have fallen very much in love. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling if it brings positivity and makes you become a better person. If it fills your existence with disappointments, you should think about the right behavior so as not to fall into a prolonged depression.

What should I do if I fell in love?

Love is a strong release of hormones, experiences comparable to driving at speed, with stress and emotional turmoil. You simultaneously feel inspired and depressed, depend on the mood of another person, do not sleep at night, are immersed in dreams, you are overcome by jealousy, outbursts of anger or tenderness.

Of course, every love story is unique and individual. There are cases when girls are faced with unequal social relationships, with men much older or, conversely, younger, with married or employed options. The plan of action depends on the characteristics of sympathy. There are several tips on how to survive in any of these situations.

Acknowledge this feeling, let it be

You should not deny your attraction and try to calm down the surging emotions. Cry if necessary, shout or jump, but admit your failure to attraction. You will immediately calm down by accepting the problem. Start finding the positives in this situation. After all, falling in love is not always scary.

Look at your feelings in terms of chemistry

The hormone phenylethylamine is responsible for falling in love. It gives a feeling of activity, emotional satisfaction, speeds up all processes in the body, but reduces the desire to eat, drink and sleep.

The love hormone – norepinephrine – increases breathing and heart rate. It makes you blush and sweat in the presence of the object of your adoration and even when thinking about it.

Dopamine is the hormone of strong desire and obsession. Don’t be surprised when lovers’ muscle tone increases, blood flow through the vessels accelerates, and the heart beats faster.

Serotonin and endorphins are produced when communicating with your chosen one. This is happiness and pleasure from being nearby. If these hormones, outside of the love that has arisen, are not often produced in your life, then a tender feeling can bring pain and sadness, instead of the usual mood and positivity.

Don't run after him

Remember that a man is more likely to be interested in a lady who needs to be looked after and who is worth pursuing. He will certainly appreciate your care, warmth and obsession with him, but not for long. He will become sad and will go to win the heart of another. Be interesting to the guy, show character and don’t try to run around satisfying his desires and needs.

Look carefully at his behavior to understand him

Analyze the object of your affection; perhaps he has also been in love for a long time, but is afraid to admit it:

• A man, in your opinion, behaves stupidly, speaks out of place, takes a long time to form an idea? The storm inside him does not allow him to concentrate on a specific topic. He is confused, he doesn’t know whether he will guess with an answer that will satisfy you. This makes him seem confused and a little inadequate.
• He is incredibly happy to be an assistant. Without thinking twice, he will come running to help. He wants to be a savior, a hero, especially at that stage when you are not yet his “legal property” and can slip away to someone else at any moment.
• The young man is trying to get your attention. He laughs loudly in your presence, tells jokes and interesting stories if you approach his company. He'll make sure someone tells you about his coolness and humor. Like any male, he will want to look presentable in the eyes of a female. When he sees her, he straightens his shoulders, straightens his hair and clothes. All this indicates tender feelings.
• The man is always nearby, as if by accident. Either he was casually in your yard, or he went into the store where you shop every evening, mixed you up in the phone book and sent an SMS by mistake. When such cases become noticeably more frequent, most likely the guy just wants to be close. Sometimes he has to make considerable efforts and put aside his affairs in order to be on your path, he is ready for such sacrifices.
• The chosen one tries to be positive and tries to make you laugh. It is unlikely that you will be indifferent to a person who makes you smile sincerely.

All these signs indicate feelings that have arisen in the young man. You should treat them carefully. Do not inspire yourself with false expectations ahead of time. You can't help but notice true love.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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What to do when feelings arise

When you fall deeply in love, you only want to see your chosen one. But in order not to ruin your destiny, you will have to be careful.

Universal reminder

All lovers will need a universal reminder. Having realized your feeling, they act in stages:

1. They come to terms with it, allow themselves to experience it. Attempts to overcome falling in love are rarely successful. It’s more effective to “get over it” and move on. The more actively they try to forget, the more painfully they love. Humility is calming.
2. They study love as a scientific phenomenon. The body of a lover produces hormones that create strong feelings. Thanks to phenylethylamine, a person feels emotional satisfaction and becomes more mobile. Norepinephrine increases heart rate and breathing, and increases sweating (if your loved one is nearby). Dopamine is responsible for obsession with a person, the desire to be with him. This substance affects muscle tone, vascular activity, and heart function. Endorphins are hormones of pleasure from interacting with your beloved guy. If one’s own hormones of happiness are almost not released, since a person rarely enjoys life, then falling in love will bring suffering, because the person will be afraid of losing the only source of this substance.
3. After calming down, they evaluate the situation rationally. They forbid themselves to run after their chosen one, because this can only scare him away. Guys are hunters who are not interested in submissive “prey.” It's worth flirting, remaining mysterious and a little unapproachable.
4. They examine the behavior of the chosen one, trying to understand him. The feeling may be mutual. In this case, the young man will behave awkwardly and act strangely. He will gladly do a favor and joke, just to see his beloved laugh.

If we are talking about a classmate

If a teenage girl has fallen in love with a handsome boy, one should not take the first tender feelings lightly. Age doesn't matter. Happy is the one who remembers his first love with quiet joy and warmth. In order for your chosen one to reciprocate, you should listen to the advice:

1. He will like the girl’s activity and sociability. It is worth participating in the life of the school and class, organizing holidays and helping friends. He will notice a purposeful, cheerful girl.
2. You can get close to a classmate, but do not stalk or be intrusive. It is better to share his hobbies (attend the same sections). There will be common topics and the opportunity to communicate in private.
3. It’s worth seeing each other in your free time (virtual meetings, city events).
4. The lover will like the well-groomed, femininity.
5. Most boys only socialize with girlfriends who smoke and drink. They date feminine and reserved ladies.
6. You can occasionally show initiative (invite them for a walk, write first). It is important not to scare away your loved one.

READ
How a man treats you: ways to help you understand his feelings

If he is married

A relationship with a married partner can last for years. The loved one promises to get a divorce, but is in no hurry to fulfill his promise and remains with two partners. He is satisfied with having a family and another sexy girlfriend. The mistress at this time lives an unfulfilling life, being in a state of anticipation. A man comes when he has time, spends vacations, holidays and weekends with his wife and child.

He sees that his mistress is ready to endure, so he does not change anything. This is the psychology of most cheaters.

It is worth thinking about your own desires. You can imagine your lover as a legal spouse in detail. It is recommended to imagine how he is nearby every day. Think about what his everyday habits are and think about the real character of a potential husband, because with his mistress he becomes gallant, caring and romantic, but with his wife he does not need to pretend.

It’s better to determine for yourself how much longer you can wait for him to break up with his wife. You can select an exact date. The issue should be discussed with your loved one, avoiding quarrels and raised conversations. If he does nothing, then you will have to come to terms with your role or try to forget him. To do this, they stop dating, do not enter into correspondence, focus on work, hobbies, and appearance. You can plan for the future, imagine yourself married to “your” man, whom you won’t have to share with his family.

If he loves someone else

When wondering what to do if you fall in love, it is worth considering the consequences of interfering in other people's relationships. Most likely versions:

1. The guy will react aggressively to attempts to flirt with him. He will not like the unceremonious behavior of his acquaintance. This can ruin your friendship with your loved one, or the guy won’t notice the advances.
2. He will be able to be seduced, but there will be no trust in the new couple, because the chosen one easily left his ex. The thought of ruining someone else's happiness can haunt you for a long time.

It is better to limit contacts with this couple, so all parties will be calmer. But if you don’t have enough strength, then you can become a friend. The connection must be sincere and selfless. You shouldn’t imagine that the guy will gradually fall in love with his girlfriend and leave his other half. It is better to find real mutual feelings.

If it's a teacher

Young girls often call love a common hobby. Psychologists believe that this attachment occurs when:

1. The girl's father was not involved in raising her (she needs male support).
2. The girl suffers from teenage complexes (she doesn’t believe in her relevance among her peers, so she’s looking for a wiser and more understanding man).
3. She is driven by the need to assert herself (the attention of an authoritative adult is good for this).

Most often, falling in love with a teacher is due to the fact that the child is deprived of the attention of his family. A girl should direct her feelings in a positive direction (learn the subject of her favorite teacher, try hard in class, work extra). You can study other areas in which a man is interested (sports, music). Love will become the motivation for self-development. A man will definitely notice an organized, successful and athletic girl.

You can confess your feelings to the teacher, but you need to remember about criminal liability for relationships with a teenager and the possible dismissal of your loved one, disapproval of colleagues. It is important to prepare for refusal, to accept this answer calmly and with understanding. You shouldn't stalk your crush on social media.

If he is much older

There is nothing wrong in such a relationship if both agree with it. But when one partner considers the relationship forbidden, this is the first step towards ending it. If a man sees a little girl in his girlfriend, then she gives reason to think so. It’s worth working on your manner of speaking and thinking about your actions. A mature man wants to be with a mature personality (brave, independent, strong).

READ

How to behave correctly with a handsome man so that he falls in love

If a girl has to put on a mask of maturity, then one day the image will be destroyed. It is worth considering your partner’s social circle and lifestyle. A girl may get bored from the measured rhythm and adult company. It is necessary to clarify with your loved one what kind of connection he is counting on: temporary flirting or a serious relationship. Only by finding this out honestly can you make a decision.

If the guy is much younger

Sometimes partners understand each other well. But often such couples face problems. To avoid them, a woman should consider the following recommendations:

1. You cannot treat your loved one condescendingly. This will hurt the guy's self-esteem.
2. It is worth wearing outfits that emphasize feminine attractiveness. The young man will like to realize that the chosen one is not inferior to his peers.
3. It's better to let the guy dominate.
4. It is important to focus on the qualities of your loved one. Youth is a temporary state. His character, thinking and feelings are important.
5. The age difference becomes a source of complexes and jealousy. It is better to enjoy love rather than torment yourself with suspicion.

Object of adoration - celebrity

Romantic feelings for actors and singers are considered morbid fanaticism. But from this love you can get useful experience. Love motivates girls to change and develop. A high goal appears to become a “star” in your favorite field. Girls study the lifestyle and tastes of their idol, expanding their horizons. There are negative sides: real guys seem boring and are no longer attractive. It is difficult to get carried away by an ordinary person after intense feelings for a famous singer.

You can join fan groups and fan clubs of your idol. There will be an opportunity to see him during one of the meetings. In real communication, the idol may turn out to be a complete stranger.

Choosing the right tactics

The main thing to do when you fall in love is to remain calm and not show anxiety in your behavior. You need to carefully find out information about the person that interests you. After delving into several stories from his life, it may well turn out that this is not your prince.

• It is not necessary to collect data alone - involve your friends, interview his acquaintances. You can collect information without arousing suspicion from your chosen one.
• Men are not endowed with cunning, so they practically do not know how to skillfully manipulate, speak in hints and hide attraction. If he likes you, he will be embarrassed and study you.
• Another way to find out if a guy likes you is to arrange a casual meeting. Perhaps he is going to the cinema or working out at a gym nearby. By chance, find yourself next to him. And the next date will be official.

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How not to become a slave to love

Love is a wonderful feeling filled with deep meaning. It often turns out to be insidious, completely capturing our consciousness and forcing us to commit inappropriate actions. A girl in love becomes completely dependent on her chosen one, on his mood and behavior. Meetings and conversations, even fleeting ones, acquire a special meaning for her. She tries to please a man, to please him even to the detriment of herself.

This tactic leads to a complete loss of self. A man feels necessary and superior, he becomes bored and loses interest. To prevent this from happening, you should not be intrusive, too flexible and polite. Men are hunters, they like it when a girl has a mystery, when she needs to be conquered, when she is beautiful, interesting, and witty. If you hook him, he will certainly appear in your field of vision. I will help you choose the right behavior and not alienate your other half, to do this, sign up for my consultation now. You will find peace of mind and happiness beyond any doubt.

What to do if I'm in love: behavior

There are several rules, following which you will not dissolve in a love whirlpool:

• You should not lose yourself. Be self-sufficient, develop yourself, don’t give up your hobby. Don't forget or change your goals. If a loved one appears in your life, this does not mean that she should radically change her route.
• If other representatives of the stronger sex show you signs of attention, do not push them away. While the relationship is in the stage of several meetings, you cannot be sure of its happy outcome. And his rivals will make him jealous and wonder if he is that good.
• Be positive. Even if the relationship doesn't work out the way you wanted, don't get depressed and don't give up other pleasures. Watch comedies, go to a cafe with friends, read exciting books. Don't let disappointment occupy your heart.
• The initiative to start a relationship should come from the young man. Don’t fuss, but give the right to vote and choice to him.

How is falling in love different from other feelings?

The state when a person has fallen in love differs from sexual attachment or infatuation in that sex in this case is not the main thing. They fall in love with a person completely - his gait, habits, voice, and so on. But, unlike love, falling in love is more intense and stormy, but less durable. It can pass in a week, or maybe in six months - it depends on the character and perseverance of the one who fell in love, as well as on whether this love is mutual or not.

When a person falls in love, he experiences much more and stronger than when he fell in love. Scientists characterize this state as final, but the exact boundaries of love vary from person to person and are quite difficult to determine even for professionals. According to the strictest estimates, falling in love can last up to two years. But, no matter how happy you are in a state of love or, conversely, no matter how much you suffer, know: falling in love has one more important property: finitude. Sooner or later it ends, turning either into persistent and strong love, or into indifference or disappointment.

And, of course, if you fall in love, this state may be

• Mutual
• Unrequited

What to do if the situation is somewhat more complicated

We are not always able to love the right person. Sometimes it turns out that relationships become complex and confusing. This happens if you met a person with an unbearable character, a married man, a colleague, or fell in love with a friend’s boyfriend. Then a dilemma arises: what to do next, remain silent, keep your feelings to yourself, or make up your mind and tell everyone about your happiness. There is no clear answer to this question. You need to think according to the situation.

If the object of your desire is a colleague. Being face to face most of the week can make you feel embarrassed. Direct recognition will turn out to be unnecessary, not understood by either the partner or the work team, as well as too obvious hints.

That's why:

• take advantage of corporate parties to socialize better;
• look for the opportunity to organize a joint business trip or project;
• do not compete with him, do not show that you are smarter or faster;
• try to look neat and behave at ease, become the soul of the team;
• smile more often.

Don’t take it to heart that falling in love may not be mutual; feel free to break up if something goes wrong. Take all problems as invaluable experience on the path to true love.

If a relationship is impossible

There are times when a girl in love understands that a relationship is impossible. For example, if the object of passion is a colleague or boss, a teacher, a family friend or a celebrity. In this case, the only correct solution is to switch attention. There is no need to suffer over something that will never happen, or to question your career or relationships with loved ones.

New acquaintances, passions, business trips will help you occupy your time and thoughts without thinking about your lover. Gradually, emotions will subside, opening the way for new feelings. If possible, you should limit contact with the object of passion. The less often the meetings, the higher the chances of quickly forgetting about him.

Confess your love, wait or stop loving... Regardless of the decision, the girl must make it consciously, having carefully weighed everything. The main thing is that the actions do not cause mental discomfort. No matter how the circumstances turn out, you should perceive the situation as a life lesson, an invaluable experience. This will help you become wiser, more circumspect, and carefully plan your actions without being led by emotions.

What to do if a man is married

If the person you like has already gotten married, the best idea would be to end up having an affair with such a person. This will preserve your psyche and will not destroy his family. Every girl wants to be the only one and loved. In rare cases, a representative of the stronger sex is ready to leave his wife and go all out with a girl he barely knows. The process of his divorce can last for years, during which he will feed you with promises and live on both sides. It will seem to you that you are in second place.

Ask a question

Please note that often such love arises from a lack of male attention, a long absence of a close relationship and the desire to prove that any man will leave for you, and not at all because this is the love of your life. Assess adequately and soberly how acceptable this option is for you.

Virtual relationships

Falling in love with a guy with whom you communicate via correspondence is quite simple. It is possible that a stranger may seem like the prince for whom the girl has been waiting all her life. Interests coincide, dialogues develop in the best way, the same things make people laugh, and the romance is off the charts. But alas, in reality everything may not be so rosy.

If the virtual interlocutor shows sincere interest, and sympathy for him increases, the only right decision is to meet in real life. Such a meeting will put everything in its place. Perhaps the image of the beloved is too idealized, and with live communication all the romance will disappear.

If, upon meeting, a guy only confirms the girl’s best guesses about his personality, there is no need to rush into confession. You need to talk longer, try to study the man’s behavior; perhaps he behaves with dignity only at the beginning of communication, but over time he may reveal his shortcomings.

What to do if I fell in love with a friend

This happens if you communicate for a long time, spend a lot of time together and one fine morning you realize that this connection is much more than just friendship for you. It would seem that what could be easier than confessing your feelings to a person with whom you communicated so well. Many are afraid that they will not be reciprocated and, moreover, that the friendship will be threatened and come to naught.

Don't rush to conclusions and confessions. You have a huge advantage over other representatives of the fair sex - you know his hobbies and interests well. It is necessary to choose a tactic of behavior in which your friend will look at you from a different perspective. Change your hairstyle, clothing style, choose outfits for a meeting with him as if you were going on a date, organize trips to the cinema to watch films about love, or have a candlelit dinner. Perhaps, if there is a spark of sympathy in him, he will notice a beautiful girl in you and confess his love himself.

Another option is to unobtrusively tell him that you fell in love with a good person, but not specify who. An interested friend will show interest and begin to find out who it is, show jealousy and try to dissuade you.

Behavior plan

Everything is complicated by the lack of confidence in the reciprocity of feelings. The girl is literally torn by contradictions and questions. It is unknown what to do next: wait for the guy to take some action, confess your feelings, or try to stop loving him.

Psychology experts advise carefully planning your actions so as not to end up on the losing side:

• Find out everything possible about him - character traits, behavior, facts from his biography. Just without fanaticism! You can carefully ask mutual friends if you have any, but you don’t need to turn into a private detective. Perhaps something in the characterization of the beloved will seem unacceptable, after which the image of the handsome prince will no longer be so radiant. Is it worth suffering for his sake if something is already annoying? It must be taken into account that this will only intensify over time.
• Explore hobbies and habits. If you find out in advance what your chosen one likes or doesn’t like, you will be able to avoid many mistakes when communicating with him. Perhaps something in the girl will push him away, but there is still a chance to find many points of contact and common interests.
• Find out what kind of girls a guy likes. This will help him understand what exactly attracts him in representatives of the opposite sex, what external features, tastes, and style arouse genuine interest. You don’t need to change radically for his sake; it’s enough to emphasize the traits that he likes in yourself. Self-care never hurt anyone. If a girl looks neat, stylish, and doesn’t overuse makeup, she will have more chances to please any guy.

READ The most unusual options for declaring your love to your beloved man

• Make friends with his company. If you join a guy’s social circle, you’ll get to know him better and also unobtrusively introduce yourself. This alone can push him to take decisive action.
• Actively participate in the conversation without forgetting to listen. If you hear what a man says, you can use the information to your advantage. Men like it when girls show sincere interest in their thoughts and hobbies, and the ability to carry on a conversation will always be a plus. It is important not to interrupt him, not to be distracted during the conversation, making it clear that the beloved is really interesting. It will be useful for a girl to study information about a guy’s hobbies and read about them in different sources.
• Remain yourself. Trying to adapt to a guy will not lead to any good; falsehood and pretense will sooner or later be discovered. It is important to maintain individuality without going beyond the bounds of decency. If a girl does not interest him for who she is, it will be difficult to maintain communication.

The use of aphrodisiacs will not hurt. Smells have a strong influence on men, so it is important to choose a pleasant aroma that emphasizes femininity and excites the male mind. Too strong or heavy smells will only turn a guy off.

Don't run after him

A man is interested in “hunting” a woman, so it is important to remain inaccessible to him. You can flirt, but not impose yourself, always remaining mysterious. If a girl maintains some distance in communicating with a guy, he immediately begins to show increased interest in her if he experiences any feelings.

But when a woman is constantly in the field of view of her lover, reminding him of herself for any reason, bothering him with calls or messages, the man quickly grows cold, even if he feels sympathy. That's why it's so important to keep your distance.

There is no need to say anything, no matter how strong the emotions are raging inside. The best solution would be to disappear from his field of vision for a while. Sometimes completely ignoring a guy works effectively. There is no need to be afraid that his feelings will cool down during this time; the latter is more likely just when the girl constantly reminds of herself.

Sometimes, but it depends on the specific situation, active flirting with other men can help. Jealousy often pushes guys to take decisive action. But here it is important to take into account the character of a particular guy; perhaps he will only close himself off and stop looking at the girl as a potential lover.

Evaluate his behavior

You can openly admit your feelings only if you are sure that they are mutual. The guy's behavior will certainly help you find out. It's worth watching him for a while. A man in love or experiencing sincere sympathy will manifest himself in the following:

1. "Stupid" behavior. A sharp change in conversation topics, inappropriate phrases, oddities, sudden silence. All this suggests that in the company of a girl, a guy cannot concentrate, is afraid of doing something wrong, and waits for approval.
2. Help with everything. If a man, without hesitation, is ready to provide any support or service, willingly gives up his business or cancels meetings for this purpose, then he wants to look like a hero in the girl’s eyes and wins her favor.
3. Attracting attention in every possible way - demonstrating physical strength, intellectual abilities, sense of humor. This is what animals do when a male competes for the attention of a female during the mating season.
4. “Random” encounters or actions. He appears nearby at unexpected moments (in the store, near the house). Of course, the guy deliberately appears where he needs to, having learned about the habits or movements of his passion.
5. Attempts to make people laugh. Humor is another way to attract attention. When a guy jokes with a girl he likes, he expects approval from her, a reverse positive reaction.

READ How to recognize signs of love and distinguish it from standard falling in love

How to behave correctly

If you fall in love, try not to show it to others, and even more so, refrain from loud confessions to friends or colleagues. Show interest in your chosen one so that he does not go beyond what is permitted, especially if you work together, play sports in a common team or study in the same stream. In case of failure, this can provoke ridicule and talking behind your back, in the worst case, the anger of your superiors or the contempt of your acquaintances.