What to do if you cheated on your boyfriend or how to survive your own betrayal

Fact of betrayal or guesswork?

When the average girl finds out that a guy is cheating with his ex-girlfriend , the first thing she experiences is a shock, an emotional outburst, because of which she may say or do something, after which she will regret it, for this reason we asked to calm down, because in most cases, knowledge about treason is unreliable. In what cases should you not cut from the shoulder? Examples:

• Correspondence on a social network, where there is no hint of spending time in bed (at this age, most separated couples maintain friendly relations, and since they were previously close, the dialogues take on a softer, more gentle form);
• A friend or boyfriend's friend reported (everyone has spiteful critics, close friends, acquaintances and friends, even the best are no exception, your best friend might like your boyfriend or she decided to take revenge on you for something you don't even know about, a cheater's friend might fall in love in you - you can’t count the stories on your fingers, so you shouldn’t trust people’s words, it’s more advisable to ask the question “For what purpose did he/she report the betrayal of a loved one?”);
• Hugging when meeting, communicating in the same company (such gestures do not always determine intimacy in a relationship, so do not create a scandal - you will only harm the union).

To determine who the problem is: in you due to obsessive thoughts about your chosen one’s left turns or in him, we have prepared a list of auxiliary materials:

1. How to understand that a guy is cheating? (the most complete collection of information on identifying a love crime);
2. How to check a guy for cheating? (the material will help you find out whether your lover is capable of betrayal or not, whether he is greedy for other girls or not);
3. I suspect the guy of cheating. What to do? (the article helps you understand yourself and find out the reasons why manic jealousy of the object of love arises without apparent reason).

After you manage to identify the truth, start analyzing the last time you spent together (if there was cheating) in order to understand the reason why the guy cheated with his ex , but did not break up with you. If his adventures turned out to be fiction, we think psychological and emotional comfort was obtained.

Reasons for male infidelity3

Some complexes encourage a guy to assert himself through a huge number of sexual partners. If in adolescence he considered himself an insolvent guy, and when he became a man he noticed how the weaker sex flocked to him like bees for honey - it would be a sin not to take advantage of this situation.

When a man experiences complexes associated with short stature or a small genital organ, he darts from woman to woman, making sure once again that he is desired and in demand. In some cases, sensitive guys who once had their loving heart broken and trampled on become cheaters. Such men become insensitive womanizers who have no feelings, but have sex. Lots of sex and lots of women.

Why does a guy cheat with his ex-girlfriend?

At a young age, almost 80% of girls tend to give themselves to love completely, putting it first; young people who want to remain in a social environment (in a certain social circle) do not experience strong attachment to the object of desire, since the dominant understanding is that life is long, There will still be time to really feel it. It depends on the guy’s temperament and the everyday form of upbringing.

If his parents give him love, warmth, care and honor his independence, most likely he will grow up to be an egoist and will not feel a strong desire to be loved by someone, much less to love. This is due to the fact that his nature already attracts people and makes them admire him.

If a child grows up in a dysfunctional family or does not receive parental support, or periodically observes an unhealthy relationship between father and mother, then he will experience a passionate desire to love and be loved. However, due to complexes and phobias, it is difficult to find a common language with him, come to an agreement and make contact, because he has not developed the skills necessary for good interaction with girls. Which of them is capable of treason? Both.

A guy with any type of character can change, but their ultimate goals are different. If for an egoist this is a one-time need that has no obligations and can occur without experiencing feelings, then for a “phobia-bearer” the goal is different. Such a guy will start looking for a new darling only if he does not receive full or partial warmth from the girl he is dating. It is more advisable to discuss these points with the guy before a joint proof of love in bed.

If we are talking about an ex-girlfriend, then the egoist will not elevate this act as something divine and majestic, but will treat it as a friendly act. The carrier phobia will change at the moment when things are close to separation. You can learn about other reasons and nuances from this material: Why do guys cheat? Causes.

Is the relationship over?

The answer to this question depends only on whether you yourself want to continue the relationship, whether you are able to forgive your loved one’s mistake.

1. For one couple, cheating will be a reason to break off the relationship forever and go in different directions.
2. For another couple, it will be an opportunity to reconsider your behavior, think about what you did wrong in the past.

Betrayal can serve as a kind of “bell” alarmingly informing about unhealthy moments in the union of two people.

If the presence of betrayal is a decisive factor for you to end the relationship forever, this is your choice, to which you have every right. No one can force you to endure deception and stay with a person who trampled on your feelings.

Don't make decisions based on emotions - let off some steam first.

But if you decide to stay and try to keep your love alive, your couple will have a second chance. In this case, you must prepare for a lot of work on yourself, which can last for many months. To do this, listen to the advice given below. They will guide you in the right direction and help you avoid getting depressed.

Test to verify the authenticity of feelings.

Any outcome of events may not please the unprepared cheating girl. If she really believes in her feelings, she will wait it out and win love, respect and trust again. Check how much you love your boyfriend and whether you are willing to wait until there is a moment of clarity in the guy’s head. The honesty of the answers affects the result.

1. I think that she (he) treats me well.

2. I can confidently say that she (he) belongs only to me.

3. If I’m sad or have problems, then I’m ready to share them only with her (him).

4. I can say with confidence about our internal similarity.

5. For her (him) sake I will go to the ends of the earth.

6. Of course, she (he) is the most charming of all.

7. I think I can trust her (him) with absolutely everything.

8. She (he) is a very smart person.

9. In most cases, she (he) finds contact with people immediately and everyone likes her.

10. I can’t imagine how I used to live without her (him).

11. I am pleased to feel that she (he) trusts me more than others.

12. I feel responsible for her (his) psychological comfort.

13. I would like to be like her (him).

14. When we are together, our mood is the same.

If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

Subscribe to receive new published articles on the site directly to your email. We guarantee no spam!

How long to wait for forgiveness: definition by psychotype

Each person is individual. If the quarrel is your fault, and it’s not that terrible, then you need to know what to expect from a man. Let's determine his psychotype in order to understand him, and find out how to act in the future if you are the one to blame.

You may also be interested in: Is it worth taking a break in a relationship?

Choleric

He is, as a rule, quick-tempered over any trifle, but quickly outgoing. It is generally very difficult to live calmly with him. He, like a vampire, feeds on quarrels, and his favorite “dessert” is to make his loved one guilty. He doesn't like to apologize himself.

But a quarrel with him does not drag on for long if the partner pleads guilty, even if the choleric person himself has a stupid face. Such a man does not forgive for a long time only the person who makes him feel guilty. Or the partner is just as stubborn and choleric as he is. You can put an end to the conflict with a very convincing apology and a “hushed up” topic.

You may also be interested in: What to write to the person who offended you

Sanguine

This man objectively assesses any situation. Really understands who is wrong where. He can easily apologize himself if he feels his mistake. But if someone is guilty before him, then he will wait for an apology, and not humiliate himself before the offender. In rare cases, however, he can do this if the relationship is very dear to him.

If this man is not confident in your sincerity, and your apology sounded like “fuck off,” then don’t be surprised that he doesn’t forgive you. It is the sanguine person who loves constructive conversation. Surprisingly, in this conversation the sanguine person himself can “dig out” his guilt and also apologize. Sanguine people do not like arrogant, proud people; they need gentleness and sincerity.

It will also be useful: What to do if your boyfriend is stupid

Phlegmatic person

It is generally impossible to make trouble with him; a phlegmatic person avoids conflicts and can withdraw for a long time if he is offended. But inside himself he is very vulnerable and experiences grievances, although outwardly he looks calm. You won’t understand when you apologize whether he has forgiven you or not - he seems to be composed and even smiles, but is completely indifferent to you.

For a phlegmatic person, time is important. He accepted your apology and “sent it to his brain for processing.” There is no need to rush him and wonder why he doesn’t even respond to your messages for a long time. And don’t try to sort things out with him through a showdown. Just wait patiently. If you communicate, behave calmly, as usual, but don’t bring up a sore subject.

Melancholic

Well, in front of this guy, you don’t need to really scrape and beg for forgiveness. A melancholic person is a kind of moral masochist. Any conflict is a tragedy for him, and he will even find his guilt in cheating on a girl.

If such a tragic man does not forgive you, it means you have made a mistake in his psychotype or he has completely stopped loving you. But even if he becomes indifferent to you, he can still continue the relationship with you out of pity, posing as a victim.

Breakup SMS

It is not advisable to write farewell letters through short messages. With the help of short messages it is difficult to explain the reason for the breakup and talk about your feelings. However, in some cases it is worth using SMS. If your ex-partner lives with relatives, a letter written on paper may fall into the hands of strangers. Message options:

1. Our union did not bring happiness to any of us. We should break up.
2. I don't want to date a married man anymore. I suggest we break up.
3. I know about your betrayal. We shouldn't be dating.
4. I met the woman of my dreams. I hope you understand and won't be angry.

If a guy can't forgive cheating

Apparently, you are eager for forgiveness without delay. Love does not tolerate betrayal, even accidental. And when the betrayal is still fresh, “bleeding”, then there is no need to beg for forgiveness instantly, throwing a hysteria with a showdown, this is more likely to infuriate than make you think.

The article How to Apologize to a Guy describes well what tactics you need to choose if you want to rehabilitate yourself: don’t bother him with your pleas at first and wait for the time. And yet, if all these stages are “broken down”, then how can this happen:

1. In the first hours of shock, a person needs to realize everything that is happening, which he does not want to believe. Yes, it would be worth showing both with tears and words that you repent, just don’t try to grab him - even your hands are disgusting to him.
2. A little later, the man begins to “drive”: how did this happen and what to do? He can think about this alone, or maybe over a glass of cognac with a friend. It is very important here what kind of friend is in front of him - one who is opposed to you or one who will look at this philosophically.
3. Your calls and SMS will be worthwhile if you don’t try to reach him every minute. It’s normal if you’ve already apologized to a man several times, but he remains silent - your situation, you know, is beyond the bounds of reason.
4. If he doesn’t run away at the sight of you from the general company, then that’s good. Let him be indifferent to you for now, and even flirt with other women out of spite - this is also normal. Just be a good girl.
5. Does he agree to communicate with you, but remains just as unapproachable? It's okay, don't be afraid. This is not a time for crying, but for constructive conversation. Listen to his reproaches, agree with them, apologize, but don’t contradict them.
6. Perhaps he will set some conditions and even offer to break up for a while to think things over. If the conditions are not draconian, and you actually slept with another guy, then that’s okay too. Soon everything will return to normal.

There is an option that the guy is really proud and will not want to forgive you, especially if this is not the first time. Here, at least stand on your head - he is not going to forgive you, and he will stop loving you: he will boil over and spit. But one can understand him; betrayal is most often unforgivable. But it will be a lesson for you for life.

You will be the most loved and most desired!

You made the choice yourself... We won't see you again. Yesterday you were the dearest, today you are a bastard and the most alien. Let your life turn out as you want, but now you will not have our common and bright dream!

• Tags: Categories:
• SMS to guy

All people, of course, are different, but most will not be able to forgive betrayal of their loved one. When you trust a person and believe every word, and when you let a person into your heart, it is very painful to learn about such things as betrayal. Unfortunately, guys tend to cheat. They don’t see anything special in this, but girls, on the contrary, are very vulnerable about this. An SMS to a guy who cheated may be the last SMS from a girl. Love can be destroyed with just one act - betrayal. All you can do is wish him good luck in your future life and drive him out of your heart. It will be impossible to trust the person who betrayed again, as they believed before. These relationships can no longer be full and real. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but each one entails certain consequences. Let go of the cheater and get ready for a new life.

How to write a farewell letter until you cry?

To write a beautiful farewell message, you need to consider:

1. Style. It is recommended to use business style. No matter how offended you are with your partner, do not use insults or offensive epithets. At the same time, the abundance of diminutive words (sunny, bunny, kitty) is also inappropriate.
2. Content. The message can be divided into 3 parts. In the first, describe your complaints and problems between you and your partner. In the second, you can talk about the future that awaited your couple, but it will never come. In the third part, wish your loved one happiness and meeting his soulmate. You can report a breakup in both the first and third parts.
3. Type of message. The letter can be electronic or written (printed) on paper. Emails appear more subdued. But if you want your message to move you to tears, write it by hand.

Farewell letter to a loved one

If a woman decides to say goodbye to her lover, she does not have to organize a last meeting. You can express your intentions in a letter.

Important! If you have a smartphone, you can earn extra money at any time! How? Get 5 ways to earn extra money relevant for October 2019 Read →

If the reason for the breakup was a new attachment, you should frankly admit it. There is no need to blame yourself, because sometimes a person cannot cope with his feelings. The main thing is not to name names, so that the abandoned man does not start looking for his rival.

It is important to start writing text with a cool head. A letter should not be an outlet for emotions; it has a purpose. To write a good text, you should adhere to the following recommendations:

1. 1. To begin with, it is better to write the letter in draft form. After this, you need to think about what points were missed and add the missing details to the main text. It is better to send the message after 1-2 days to make sure that it really contains all the thoughts that need to be conveyed to the man. Otherwise, a lengthy correspondence may begin, and this should not be allowed.
2. 2. When writing a note, it is not advisable to use such cliche phrases as “you deserve more”, “we are too different people” and others. Also, there is no need to list all the grievances caused to each other in the past. You need to express your thoughts as clearly and succinctly as possible, without unnecessary emotions.
3. 3. The text should not be pretentious. Most men adhere to a rational view of life and such epithets as “wonderful castle” or “lake of love” will not cause anything but bewilderment in a representative of the stronger sex.
4. 4. It is worth considering the character of the addressee. If a man is irritated by diminutive words, they should not be used.
5. 5. To show your best side, you should make sure that all words are written correctly and there are no typos. Handwriting should be as legible as possible.

Maybe it's not about you, but about his character?

There are such capricious men who behave worse than whiny women - they make a tragedy out of everything and after that they are offended for a very long time. If you don’t know your boyfriend well, and he bucked for the first time because he was offended by you without the desire for further communication, then be careful! Especially if the quarrel was very trivial.

Well, here's an example scenario: you were late for a date and didn't warn him about it. Of course, he didn’t wait for you and left. You call - ignore, write - ignore. On the tenth call, he still deigned to answer and said that he didn’t like your carelessness and unpunctuality, and you should move away.

No, a little later he found the strength to forgive you, but he did it with such a sour look, as if he had swallowed a lemon. But your next mistake brought his quirk back. And again you call, ask for forgiveness and cry.

If you constantly show such weakness at every little thing, then this is what awaits you in the future:

1. You will surround yourself with complexes and begin to be afraid of everything. You'll check a hundred times to see if your phone is connected - what if it rings and the battery is dead! Will you control your every word - what if he finds a hint of negativity in some phrase spoken? You will even be frightened by your own behavior - after all, a step to the right, a step to the left will be punishable by moral execution.
2. He will behave like a usurper. Yes, he will find half a hint in your phrase, considers any of your behavior immoral, and he will generally start a huge scandal for turning off your phone. His goal is to train you to be an obedient Bug so that he can easily manipulate you. And he is also flattered by your running after him.
3. You will always be the outsider, and he will be “with the crown on the throne.” He will be allowed everything, but you will not. He will find a logical explanation for his sins and mistakes, and will also weave your guilt into them. Such men are dangerous because they flirt and become tyrants who can easily beat their wife.

If you don’t know this person well yet, and he is already showing his obstinate character, bordering on stupidity, then stop begging him for forgiveness. If you are dear to him, he will change tactics, and if not, then you are doomed to be his slave. Therefore, run away from him before you are head over heels.

Another interesting article: How to painlessly break up with a loved one