Relationships come to an end, it happens. Kilometers of articles have been written about how a person who has been abandoned feels - this topic is close to the vast majority of those present. But much less has been written about how the initiator of a breakup feels!
Somehow it is generally accepted that he is already all in white and sailed off to happy distances, causing his ex-half undeserved pain. Although in fact this same initiator often experiences stress no less than the supported victim.
Each couple has their own reasons for breaking up, however, if we are really talking about a “relationship”, then most often both participants have been close people for some time and it is very difficult to “cut” from the shoulder and cause pain to such a person. The question “how to break up with a person so that it hurts him as little as possible” remains open.
breakup rules
First you need to understand that there is no painless path. There are no magic words that will make everything simple and enjoyable. It will hurt both the one you are leaving and, most likely, you. The only thing you can do is to avoid common mistakes that make the separation process even more painful. To do this, you need to be sufficiently noble and respect the man who has been next to you for some time. Difficult, but doable.
Keeping your communication to a minimum in the week leading up to the big call can have some major benefits. Firstly, during this time you will be able to finally sort out your emotions and make a final decision. And if you do decide to draw the line, then this week will help him distance himself a little and may even prepare him for what you are going to say to him.
How to leave a man depending on your zodiac sign
- Aries.
Aries wants to break up on his own.
An “explosive” sign, ardent and impulsive. It is not surprising that in his romantic union there are always endless scandals, departures and reconciliations. When Aries decides that he needs to end the relationship, he goes through this difficult time quite sensitively with his partner. Sometimes he cries, confesses his love, cancels his decision and makes it again. It is impossible to immediately and completely break off relations with an Aries (regardless of his gender). The representative of this sign will probably still organize several secret meetings with his former passion.
If you leave Aries.
How to leave an Aries man? Get ready for the fact that parting with him on your initiative will no longer be so sentimental. In this case, his love will quickly give way to anger and, sometimes, hatred. From this moment on, the contrite man will take revenge with his indifference, each time passing by with lightning speed, without any greetings. And even if his love is still alive, he will never admit it.
- Calf.
Taurus wants to break up on his own.
Representatives of this sign carefully think through their connections. They don't choose random partners. If Taurus has decided on a relationship, it means they are confident in the correctness of their choice. Therefore, in the event of a mistake and separation, Taurus experiences pain, feels deceived, and cannot believe that they miscalculated. They are confident that they did everything they could for this relationship. Parting for Taurus is the last resort. At the same time, they can simply disappear without saying goodbye. If you leave Taurus.
How to dump a Taurus man? In any case, he will suffer alone. However, he still does not want to share the pain of defeat with others. It is important for a man of this sign to maintain his image and self-esteem, so he will not fight for your cooled feelings or take revenge. Often abandoned Taurus people surround themselves with false friends, assuring him of his own perfection and the boundless shortcomings of his ex. Because of this, Taurus is unable to draw the right conclusions from failed relationships.
- Twins.
Geminis want to separate on their own.
Representatives of this sign are quite practical about romantic relationships. They adhere to the principle “if it didn’t work out with one thing, it means it will work out with another.” When Geminis see that their partner does not meet their expectations, they immediately begin to look for another. And at the same time they are absolutely not tormented by remorse. They understand perfectly well that there is only one life. Therefore, you should not waste it on unsuccessful relationships. And parting is almost always easy for them, especially in their youth.
If you leave Gemini.
How to leave a Gemini man? In fact, you shouldn't worry too much about representatives of this sign. They will quickly drown out the pain of parting by throwing themselves into the whirlpool of social life: going to travel or attending friendly parties. Gemini men usually do not return to their former lovers.
The fact is that these practical people quickly draw conclusions from past mistakes and immediately prepare for new relationships. They will not try to enter the same river twice. The choice of their next partner is even more careful. Most often, her character differs sharply from the character of the previous one.
- Cancer.
Cancer wants to break up on his own.
Cancers are great romantics. They sincerely believe in beautiful and eternal love. This means they will do anything to avoid a break in the relationship. Any signs of an impending separation will be ignored by them. And they will never be able to make such a decision on their own. Therefore, Cancers will use any doubts in order to get a chance to improve the relationship.
If you leave Cancer.
How to leave a Cancer man? It's not that simple. If you tell Cancer that you are leaving him, he will hang on your neck, not allowing you to take a step. He will also begin to convince you that there was a misunderstanding and everything can be corrected. And when you disappear from his field of vision, the man will immediately fall into despair. He will start calling, begging, begging, blackmailing, speculating on illnesses, and threatening suicide. Rejected Cancers come to their senses after a breakup only when they meet a new soul mate.
- A lion.
Leo wants to break up on his own.
Leos are very proud people. Therefore, once the pink veil falls from their eyes and is replaced by disappointment, no one is able to convince them to continue the relationship. Finally, Leo can only condescendingly explain to his former lover that further life together is impossible and for the good of both parties it is necessary to separate. This conversation is sometimes accompanied by tears, but always without complaints. And in the case when the former half continues to besiege Leo, he becomes extremely decisive and stops answering phone calls. The only exception is the passionately loving representatives of this sign, who continue to believe in their partner, despite the awareness of his shortcomings. These people will try to establish relationships until the last moment.
If you leave Leo.
The Leo man will be very worried, but will try to do it as quietly as possible. A breakup will plunge him into despair and severely wound his wounded ego. However, Leos always leave with dignity. Sometimes they have thoughts of revenge, but they quickly disappear.
- Virgo.
Virgo wants to break up on her own.
Virgos experience a breakup as a personal defeat. Therefore, they will delay this moment as long as possible. It is very difficult for Virgos to abruptly cut off all ties, no matter how unhappy they feel next to their partner. So most often they themselves find themselves abandoned.
If you leave Virgo.
It doesn't matter how to leave a Virgo man. In any case, he will instantly lose faith in himself and plunge into deep thoughts. He will begin to go through all the moments of the lost relationship in search of when he made a fatal mistake. And at the same time, he really believes that if he had tried harder and better, everything would have turned out differently. That is why most men of this sign subsequently resume relationships with former passions, blaming themselves again after another breakup. Virgos who have been abandoned are convinced that they do not deserve it. This means they will never have a successful relationship.
- Scales.
Libra wants to break up on their own.
Libra cannot be alone. In the absence of an alternative, they will prefer unsuccessful relationships to loneliness. And when something doesn’t go well with their partner, Libra “withdraws into themselves,” avoiding a decisive conversation. They end relationships extremely vaguely, because they do not know how to choose the right words. Most often, Libra gradually moves away or disappears. However, due to the fear of loneliness, soon after this they are already involved in the next relationship that is doomed to failure.
If you leave Libra.
It is very difficult to answer the question of how best to leave a man of this sign. The fact is that Libras always experience breakups deeply and blame their unattractiveness for it. Marriage swindlers and other scammers often take advantage of the weaknesses of these men. If Libra really loves his partner, this will last for a long time. Even many years after the relationship ends, they sometimes continue to love.
- Scorpion.
Scorpio wants to break up on his own.
Scorpios never admit defeat. Therefore, if they decide to break the love ties, they will do so. Scorpios break up with the same persistence with which they fought for the affection of their lover.
The reason for the breakup must be significant - betrayal of a partner or loss of trust in him. Then Scorpio's love turns into hatred, and he is ready to destroy everything in his path.
If you leave Scorpio.
How to leave a Scorpio man? It will be quite difficult to do without a scandal. At first he won't even listen to you. He will try to make peace. And if it doesn't work, he'll go berserk. An angry Scorpio man is capable of cruel statements and actions. And he will take revenge. Using all your cunning, grace, imagination and passion. And when he finishes, he will forget about your existence.
- Sagittarius.
Sagittarius wants to break up on his own.
Sagittarians believe that you can cope with anything if you really want to. They will give chances to their partner again and again. But, of course, their patience is not unlimited. If Sagittarius decides to break up, they do it calmly, often subsequently maintaining friendly relations with their ex-partner, supporting him and helping him.
If you quit Sagittarius.
How to dump a Sagittarius man? Whatever. In any case, he will leave with dignity. He will not ask or beg you to renew the relationship. Sagittarius know that something good comes out of any evil, and their whole life is still ahead. Therefore, they quickly make new acquaintances and enter into the next love union.
- Capricorn.
Capricorn wants to break up on his own.
People of this sign often make the mistake of confusing passionate sympathy with true love. But sooner or later they begin to understand this. And then the relationship quickly ends. Everyone knows the ruthless sincerity of Capricorns. Therefore, their partners should not expect mercy when breaking up. Excessive frankness in such situations often turns into cruelty.
If you leave Capricorn.
Any of the tips listed above on how to leave a man will help you finally break up with Capricorn. After all, he leaves without looking back. His credo is to live here and now, without wasting time regretting the past. This is why abandoned Capricorn men quickly enter into new relationships. Well, those who were deeply in love with their ex-partner successfully drown out their sadness with work. At the same time, Capricorn men do not share their experiences with anyone. So those around them have no idea what passions are raging in their personal lives.
- Aquarius.
Aquarius wants to break up on his own.
If admiration and passion for a partner disappears, then Aquarius himself disappears from sight. Moreover, he does it quietly and does not feel any remorse. The most important thing for him is to avoid heartbreaking scenes and desperate tears of an abandoned passion. Therefore, Aquarians often leave home at a time when their other halves are not there. And after that they change their phone number and ignore any attempts to establish contact with them. Only when Aquarius decides that his ex-passion has recovered from the breakup will he himself get in touch to find out if everything is okay. Often representatives of this sign maintain peaceful, friendly relations with their exes.
If you leave Aquarius.
The Aquarius man will decide that an unsuccessful personal life is destined for him. And then he will plunge headlong into work and his favorite activities. Until another fall in love.
- Fish.
Pisces want to break up on their own.
For people of this zodiac sign, separation from a partner is a big problem. Firstly, they constantly suffer from uncertainty about the correctness of such a decision. Therefore, they try not to cut off all the ends, leaving the door ajar, just in case. Often Pisces cheat on their other halves, shifting responsibility for their mischief onto them. Sometimes Pisces return to their exes, but this happens quite rarely.
If you leave Pisces.
How to leave a man without him being offended? If his Zodiac sign is Pisces, then this is almost impossible. When Pisces are not the initiators of a break in the relationship, they are simply overwhelmed with indignation. And after much thought, these men come to the conclusion that their own insignificance is to blame. And then their anger gives way to despair and self-flagellation. The revenge of Pisces men is usually limited to annoying attempts to make their partner feel guilty and sort things out with her.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
Try to deal with your feelings completely
And before you move on the list, make sure that you really want to leave.
There is nothing more painful than uncertainty in such matters - you will simply cause unnecessary pain, which will still not pass without a trace. It is clear that it is very difficult to be completely sure that you really do not want to be close to the person with whom you have been connected for a long time. But before we go further, we need to deal with this completely and irrevocably.
Perhaps you simply have different plans for the future, or you do not suit each other in some very important matters. Perhaps you just stopped loving him. In any case, you understand that next to him you are not happy and will not be happy. But it is very difficult not to fall back into the trap of an outdated relationship if you have not firmly decided to get out of it. Try to write a list of what you consider to be the reasons for your departure - not in order to make structured claims to an already depressed opponent, but so that you yourself do not forget your arguments in a difficult emotional situation.
Sure? Absolutely? We inhale deeply, exhale and move on.
I’m like a dog in a manger - I can’t live with my husband anymore, and I don’t want to lose him
Denis and I started dating in our second year at the institute. It seems like it was a hundred years ago. An ocean of passions truly boiled between us. We often had conflicts, and over trifles, but then there was certainly a stormy reconciliation, and a new wave of our love rolled in.
We received our diplomas and didn’t want to leave, so we got married. But the more we lived together, the more clearly I understood what it was about my husband that caused me to protest.
Denis is a pathological pessimist. It is impossible to plan anything serious with him. He is confident in advance of a negative outcome. True, in everyday communication his pessimism is compensated by an amazing sense of humor.
But in general, living with pessimists is difficult. If we missed the plane, Denis says: “I knew it would happen like this.” If you went on vacation successfully, he considers it an absolute coincidence.
At first I thought our love would change him. But it turned out that it was impossible to eradicate Denis’s pessimistic attitudes. And now, after five years of married life, all this began to drive me out of patience. The passion on my part even subsided.
I can no longer explain to my husband that with his mood like this, our family has no future. After all, if a person is sure in advance that he will not be lucky in everything, then it will happen. I honestly tell Denis that I’m tired. But he insists that he can’t imagine life without me, and there can be no talk of any separation.
But I don’t want to go hand in hand with such a partner all my life to the grave. Denis himself lives by the principle “just a day until the evening”, he doesn’t particularly strive for anything, and he’s slowing me down. It was under his pressure that I dropped out of graduate school and refused a good job offer.
I don’t want to vegetate and stand on the sidelines of life. I want to achieve something. But how to part with Denis without permanently crippling him? We've been together for almost ten years. During this time, we developed a lot in common: hobbies, friends, business. Is it really possible to just take such a piece out of life?
It turns out that I can no longer live with him, but I don’t want to completely disappear from Denis’s life. Please advise what should I do? Is it possible for ex-spouses to remain good friends after a divorce?
Editor's response:
Very often the friendship between ex-spouses is the strongest. After all, they already know each other very well, and there are much fewer temptations than if there was no intimacy between them yet. There are often cases when a husband and wife, after a divorce, are each other’s best friends and help each other, and unselfishly. After all, no one expects the relationship to continue.
But in order to remain friends, it is important not to immediately cut ends, but to take the necessary pause. If you tell your partner, “Let's just be friends,” when his heart wound has not yet healed, then nothing good will come of it.
In such cases, it is recommended to separate in two stages. First, invite your husband to live separately for some time to think about the current situation. And after a couple of months, tell him about your decision to break up. He will already get used to it a little without you, and if you do everything tactfully, you will maintain a friendly relationship.
Another important condition: in order to remain friends after there has been love, you need to be friends during love. That is, the union should be built not only on passion, but also on common spiritual interests. In such cases, when the surge of feelings gradually fades away, the relationship itself smoothly flows into friendship.
So if you were united by something else besides a violent attraction to each other, then there is every chance of being good friends.
Sun, 02 Aug 2020 20:55:59 +0300
@ Oksana Abramovich
PREPARE WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY IN ADVANCE
Be prepared to be shocked by your decision, even though you've been distant for the past week. The reaction can be different - offense, tears, screams, threats, laughter, apparent indifference, insults. Try to stay calm, no matter what happens. Don’t let the conversation end in a quarrel: make it clear that you sincerely regret that nothing worked out. You don’t gloat, you don’t triumph, you don’t shrug it off indifferently - you regret; - be prepared for questions, remember your list of reasons; - try to avoid any physical contact - touching, shaking hands, hugging, etc. - don’t be cold and distant - be confident. And look into the eyes.
If a man quits, how to behave
Photo source: iStock
✓In a position of abandonment, it is more profitable for you, on the contrary, to immerse a man in an information vacuum, that is, not to give any information about yourself. At the very least, it might arouse a man's curiosity. Being intrigued, he may become interested. And if you deliberately show with the help of photos on social networks or in some other way that you are happy without him, such a farce will harm you too, forcing you to one day break down and start calling the one who left you again, and the man who left you will only have a laugh from such a cheap performance .
✓Remember, any attempt to attract attention indicates your low demand and lack of self-esteem. On the contrary, if you come to terms with leaving, accept the situation as it is, allowing events to develop further naturally, you will be able to quickly calm down, recover, and regain respect for yourself. This is what you should focus on if you have been dumped.
✓Do not cling to illusory hopes. Neither witchcraft, nor arranged “random meetings,” nor pressure on pity, nor, especially, gifts to the person who left you, will help you return love. If a man wants to return, then only if he sees you as a beautiful, calm, positive woman, radiating happiness and joy of life. Be like that. And then you can decide for yourself whether you need this person, or whether you deserve better.
Try to make it as clear as possible that it's over.
You made your decision, it is thoughtful and balanced. Stick to it, don’t give in to illusory hope. Yes, it’s very difficult to remain firm, I really want him to not be in so much pain, so girls often say things that ultimately result in real sadism: - “maybe someday we can be together!..” - “you know, there’s a part of me that still loves you!” - “I have never loved anyone as much as you!” - “okay, give me time to think about it again!” - "we can stay friends? Call me whenever you want! - “I feel very good with you, I don’t know why I even do this!..”
Of course, we really want to ease the shock and suffering of the other party, so we give in and say what the suffering party wants to hear. And thereby we only lengthen the recovery process, sending ourselves and our ex to several circles of hell under the general title “I will do everything to get her back!” Which will most likely end in mutual nervous exhaustion and an even more painful breakup.
Reasons for separation
A woman can only be happy in union with her beloved man. That is why representatives of the fairer sex, based on their age, social status and worldview, are looking for that life partner with whom they will be truly comfortable.
However, not every one of them manages to meet the ideal the first time. A woman falls in love with a man and recognizes him. But when she realizes that he is not at all the person she would like to see next to her, the moment of separation comes.
Why do wives leave their husbands? Among the main reasons, psychologists identify:
- Drunkenness, drug addiction. This is the most important reason leading to the breakdown of relationships. A man who drinks alcohol or drugs excessively eventually becomes indifferent to his family and has a short temper. He loses interest in life.
- Physical violence. Parting with such a man is the path to saving yourself and your children.
- Constant betrayals. There are women who turn a blind eye to the adventures of their husbands. They try to save the marriage at any cost. Those wives who cannot forgive infidelity break up with their significant other without any regret. Over time, you can hear from them: “I don’t love my husband.”
- Perception of a woman as a free application. This is also one of the reasons for separation. Over time, wives begin to understand that their husbands need them only to ensure their comfortable and cozy stay.
- Character differences. Women often leave men because they understand that their union has no future.
- Spouse's reluctance to have children. There are many reasons for this. But a woman who realizes that she is losing her last chance to have a child will certainly leave her husband forever.
- Lack of love. A woman should not try to feign passion. If she can say with confidence: “I don’t love my husband,” then she should decide to separate. Sooner or later, but it will be inevitable. The same can be said about the situation when a woman says: “I don’t want a husband.” Sharing a bed with such a person is not worth it.
- The husband's unwillingness to provide for the family. If the husband does not work and does not even try to start looking for a place to work, then the woman should not support him.
Help him avoid any contact with himself.
Everything means everything. It often happens that it is very difficult to resist the desire to see or call, try to support him during this period of time and do everything so that he does not have false hope.
If possible, try to avoid places you have visited together, and reduce meetings with mutual friends. Answer calls in a friendly manner, but with as much distance as possible. Don’t write, don’t call, or initiate meetings yourself.
He needs time to understand and accept that everything is really over. And that it's time to move on. And if you respect him and really want your breakup to not become a serious trauma for him, then be completely honest and don’t give any reason to think that things can still somehow come back. Calling the person you left in love “purely in a friendly way” in order to raise your female self-esteem is the ugliest mistake. And the most common, unfortunately.
These simple rules are not some kind of revelation, they are simply the experience of many people put together. An experience that will help you make this stage in your life and his life a little less painful.
The main thing to remember is that all the changes that you are sure of in your heart are for the better. For the better in both your life and his. Good luck!
What to do?
The course of action depends on the circumstances under which the thought occurred to you. Try to remember when you first got it. If it was a hot idea, then forget about it. Many emotional couples plan to get divorced on a regular basis. Some even get divorced and then get married again a couple of months later.
You need to think completely differently when this idea has been ripening in your mind for a long time. And it did not appear by chance, but because of a series of circumstances that did not suit you. Moreover, this idea is delicate and cautious at first. “Maybe I should leave my husband?” Over time, if nothing changes in your life, it transforms into “I want to leave my husband” and reaches the final stage of “I am filing for divorce.”
Lena and Artyom have been married for 15 years, no children. It’s the absence of a child that really upsets Lena. Examinations, tests, and consultations with doctors significantly deplete the family budget. Lena works hard from morning until late evening.
Artyom often changes jobs. In the best case scenario, he stays there for 3 months, then leaves, slamming the door. Sometimes he doesn’t even receive the promised payments.
He is not satisfied with stupid colleagues, unreasonable bosses and in general this work is not for him. And for another 2 months he, lying on the sofa, recovers morally and looks for a job.
Lena still loves her husband, but his quarrelsome nature greatly upsets her. He blames only his wife for their unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant; he doesn’t want to go to the doctors, much less take tests. And it is precisely this circumstance that makes Lena think about divorce. She doesn’t mind providing for herself, her husband, and her baby. But in return, she would like to receive a little more warmth from her husband.
She has been thinking about what to do for six months now. And although her mind screams at her: “Run and don’t look back!”, her heart quietly whispers: “Stay, be patient, everything will get better soon.” And so it has been for 15 years.
Surely you yourself understand that it is difficult to decide to leave. But in some situations the situation cannot be tolerated. We'll talk about them below.
