Fell in love with a friend's girlfriend: friendship or relationship?

Sometimes life presents us with difficult questions. Sometimes these questions seem insoluble. And here is one of them: you, your friend and his girlfriend. They are happy together. You don't want to ruin their relationship. But you can’t help yourself, absolutely nothing. You fell in love with your best friend's girlfriend. What should I do?

There is no universal step-by-step instruction on how to get out of this situation without hurting anyone's feelings. But we will try to give advice that can help you or at least point you towards the best solution. The first and main advice is to always imagine yourself in the shoes of all participants in the situation.

Imagine yourself in your friend's place and try to answer the questions: how would you feel if you found out that your best friend is in love with your girlfriend?

Imagine yourself in her place: if she knew about your feelings, what would she do? Seeing and understanding a situation from other people's point of view can be very helpful. Now let’s try to look at a few more specific situations and answer frequently asked questions.

Fate is a villain_8212

How many films and TV series have been created around such a popular theme as the love triangle. A guy in love with a friend’s girlfriend is a sweet, suffering person who in the morning chats kindly over a cup of tea with bagels, with his friend and his passion, tells jokes and helps to complete the barn, and at night painfully looks at the ceiling, remembering her bright smile, short robe and disheveled hair. How charming she is, the other half of a friend.

When a friend's girlfriend likes him, a man experiences a whole range of feelings:

the acute injustice of fate - the villain;
confusion and despair from the hopelessness of unrequited feelings;
annoyance and envy towards the one with whom in childhood we ate sand and fought with the neighboring boys;
a great desire to go to the ends of the world in splendid isolation...or taking with you “that same girlfriend of a friend.”

The behavior of a man who is in love with the passion of a friend can be very diverse, it will depend on the course of circumstances or his own decision made in relation to a strange woman.

How to start dating a girl if you are friends?

If you have been friends for a long time, but at some point you begin to realize that you like your friend as a girl, then it will be very difficult for you to start dating her. The reason is that the girl already perceives you as a friend. And your main task becomes to switch the girl from the role of “friend” to the role of “beloved guy”. This is much harder to do after friendly communication than after any other communication.

If you and the girl were friends, then you should disappear for a while, radically change your image, your usual actions and even your lifestyle. Knowing the girl will help you here. She probably told you about the kind of guys she likes. You can use this information to become the “prince of her dreams.”

Then, when you restore the relationship, you can ask her to go on a date. Remember: you don’t have to be her friend now. Your job is to act like a guy. The main difference between friendship and seduction is touch. When you like a girl as a woman, you want to touch her. When you like a girl as a friend, you don't even touch her.

Thus, start acting like a slightly anxious guy who wants to hug, kiss, and have sex with a girl. Of course, you don't need to do all this on the first date. Just let the girl know that you are interested in her.

You can ask about the girl’s feelings towards you in order to understand the prospects for the development of the relationship. If you were unable to make the girl yours, then go away for a while, calm down and try to start a relationship with her again. Just remember: if you have already begun to win a girl, then there can be no talk of any friendly gatherings and communication, as was the case before. Either you are friends or boyfriend and girlfriend. If a girl doesn’t want to be with you, you’ll have to break up with her and stop communicating.

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If a friend suddenly turns up

Public opinion deeply condemns it when a guy likes a friend’s girlfriend and shows signs of attention to her. Compassionate statuses on social networks acutely express the depth of contempt and strong feelings about male friendship:

“I could find an excuse for a person who betrayed love, it was a hobby, but I cannot find an excuse for a person who betrayed friendship...”
“Friendship is the most necessary thing for life, since no one would wish for himself a life without friends, even if he had all the other benefits.”
"Friendship and brotherhood are better than wealth"
“God bless every mother whose sons I call friends!”

Such lines break your soul, and here they fall in love with their friends’ girls!.. But be that as it may, this situation happens more than once. A man harbors feelings in his soul for the girlfriend of a comrade in arms and does not know what to do with them.

Love on social networks

Nowadays, many people meet on the Internet. This makes it easier to express your views, opinions and even confessions. Sometimes it’s easier to tell a stranger about your problem, and suddenly it turns out that those on the other end understand, sympathize and are ready to support. Friendly correspondence develops into something more. But how do you know if an online friend likes you? Pay attention to the activity and speed of responses to messages:

When his beloved appears online, the guy starts writing to her. This happens with enviable regularity.

If a guy is not indifferent to a girl, correspondence will give him pleasure.

With the help of leading questions, photographs and videos, he will try to find out about her tastes, entertainment, and everything that surrounds his beloved.

In addition to messages in chats, he likes photos, comments on posts and is a regular on the news chronicle.

To summarize, any activity on the part of a man is a symptom of his disposition. In this case, it is easy to understand that your friend likes you.

There are many signs by which you can determine sympathy from the opposite sex. It all depends on character, upbringing and attitude towards a woman.

Understand yourself2

First of all, you need to understand and understand yourself: do you really like your friend’s girlfriend? A woman surrounded by male attention evokes involuntary interest. Since childhood, human nature has understood the main thing: in the wrong hands, a toy is always more interesting. And the apple tastes better. Perhaps, having delved into his feelings, a man will understand that the reason for his “falling in love” was other pitfalls, and will switch his attention to another “busty” object.

The reason for “falling in love with a friend’s passion” could be the following:

Old envy. Since school. The comrade is handsome, successful, studied with straight A's, participated in the Math Olympiad, and was spoiled by his parents. In his life, something was always lucky and worked out, while only failures rained down on “unfortunate Pierrot”: grades were two, his parents were alcoholics, his boss didn’t like him at work... He was not lucky in anything, unlike his friend. Even with a girl, he is a complete success. Wow, what a beauty!
The former (or current) companion is a complete “bitch”, and the friend’s girlfriend is a real angel! He speaks kindly, smiles warmly, will support, console, and warm, probably...
Long loneliness. There is no one nearby, not just a female soul, but here - here she is: smart, beautiful, everyone, including him, likes her.
Long-awaited love. How could there be no romance? Every person has a second half, and it just so happened that the dream of his life is sitting in an embrace with an old friend.
Unexpected flash. The girl really is a bright and charming person with whom every second guy falls in love. In this case, a man’s feelings can be like lightning: they arose and disappeared a week later.

Having understood himself, the guy must understand the true feelings that attract him to someone else's lady.

Behavior

To make it clear that this is love, and not just changes associated with a man who has grown out of childish pants, it is necessary to conduct reconnaissance of his behavior. It's worth considering if:

He becomes very awkward, spills water on his trousers, may drop a cup, spill popcorn, everything falls out of his hands.

If earlier he could go crazy with a girl, catching her by the sleeve, jokingly taking away an apple, now all gestures will be more careful, one might say, even careful.

Touching care begins in the form of small sacrifices through the confectionery or costume jewelry department.

Will begin to show a sense of possessiveness. He will begin to limit the contacts of his beloved lady with the opposite sex, wedge himself into the conversation, drawing attention to his side.

He will never leave his beloved in trouble - he will fix a broken faucet, run for bread, take the dog for a walk, take out the trash.

Here's how to tell if a friend likes you.

You can expose the feelings of a man with whom a girl built Easter cakes in the sandbox and made a snow woman in the winter by the manner of conversation.

To be or to forget?3

So, if you still like your friend’s girlfriend and these feelings turn out to be genuine, and not dictated by other factors, is it worth acting? No. Now it's worth thinking about again. The girl is also not stupid, she perfectly sees and hears the comrades surrounding her partner. If the young lady does not show any signs of attention, treats the man as a good friend, and does not glance at him secretly, then perhaps you should not open your feelings.

Firstly, without experiencing reciprocity, the girl will begin to feel awkward when she is next to her secret admirer. The friendship will gradually (or abruptly) fade away, she will begin to avoid his company, and may feel irritated and annoyed.

Secondly, she can sincerely, with all her girlish naivety, tell her boyfriend about everything. As a result, “unfortunate Pierrot” will lose a good friend and communication with the one who so hurt his heart.

Perhaps letting the situation take its course and doing nothing is the best thing you can do in this situation.

All clear

The most consistent evidence that a man cares about a woman is actions. How do you know if a friend likes you? The main sign is that the man begins active courtship:

His concern for the girl will increase.

He will allow himself to be manipulated (the girl does not want to go to the cinema, then wherever she wants, they will go there).

Will overcome obstacles and difficulties.

Give gifts, invite somewhere.

Introduce into your circle of friends and interests.

If a girl wonders whether a guy likes her, it means either her feelings are just beginning to awaken, or she doesn’t really like her.

Perhaps the guy is weak in spirit and it’s easier for him to stay on the sidelines, sighing, dreaming about his beloved, and leave it at that. Men's fear of being rejected pushes girls to take bold actions. Soon they will be buying their boyfriend gifts, taking them to the movies, solving problems and giving them flowers.

Why do people realize that they like each other? It's difficult to explain in words. When they see each other, their eyes become wider, someone is embarrassed and blushes, but both want touch, communication, and are genuinely interested in each other’s opinions and lives. These are the minimum signs by which mutual sympathy is determined. Man is created with the need to love and be loved and happy.

Call to action4

But, if you really, really like your friend’s girlfriend, and you no longer have the strength to desperately watch her, confessing your love is allowed only with this option:

The couple's relationship is not going well. They often swear, argue, and do not find a common language. A friend complains about his crush or looks very depressed and unhappy. His mother dreams of her son finding a “normal” girl. Perhaps in this case the intervention of a faithful comrade will be very helpful. But first, you should talk to a friend: try to measure them and understand the relationship, and only then honestly tell your friend about your secret love for his girlfriend.

If a friend who has a wonderful, loving girlfriend invariably and secretly cheats on her, then perhaps there is a reason to arrange the unhappy person’s personal life in the best possible way. But, again, only through a frank conversation with a friend.
The third option is the least honest. If the girl herself admitted that she has warmer feelings for a man than for her boyfriend, you need to meet her. But under no circumstances should you meet secretly and deceive your friend. It’s better to talk to him honestly and separately. Moreover, the girl should be the first to confess.

Communication style

It’s hard to keep your feelings under control when you’re with your loved one. This is especially evident from the following gestures:

during communication, the guy will try to touch the girl;

when talking, he begins to get nervous, speak erratically, talk a lot about his hobbies, or, conversely, become more silent;

perhaps, while communicating, the guy begins to lightly and playfully hit the girl - this means that he is not indifferent to her;

he can chat animatedly with one girl and constantly glance at another, expecting to make the latter jealous;

while telling a funny story, he glances towards the lady, trying to understand whether it’s funny to her, whether she appreciates his sparkling humor.

Whatever a guy does in front of his beloved, he will always take into account her reaction and will begin to adjust his own behavior based on her behavior.

Don't do that!5

No matter how much you like your friend’s girlfriend, you should never stoop to low actions. Desperate guys in love can behave disgustingly with loved ones, just to achieve what they really want. So, it should be remembered that a “rival” is a friend, therefore it is strictly prohibited:

Make fun of a friend or his shortcomings.
Recall unpleasant stories from his life in the presence of his passion.
Provoke quarrels between a couple in love, remembering the exes with whom the friend was hanging out.
Trying to denigrate a friend in the eyes of his girlfriend by inventing nasty stories about his dishonesty or fidelity.

If a guy sees that a friend and his girlfriend truly love each other, he should “sacrifice” unfulfilled dreams for the sake of the happiness of his loved one. Two close people: a friend and someone for whom you have warm feelings. They say, “if you love, let go,” and rejoice in the happiness of loving hearts.

If you like a friend’s girl, but there is no reciprocity, it means that this is not the girl destined for, and future happiness is not far off.

Lover's Speech

It all depends on character and temperament, but no matter what a person is like, when he falls in love, he wants to seem better. A cynic will believe in fairy tales, and a rude person will become a diplomat. One of the signs of how to understand whether a friend likes you is his restraint. He will never interrupt his beloved, even if she is not right about everything. It is unacceptable for him:

raising your tone to an expensive girl is blasphemy;

ridiculing the shortcomings of his beloved is unacceptable for him, since he does not notice them or considers them a highlight;

the presence of timid compliments and a light touch to the object of admiration speaks louder than all words.

A man in love, when meeting with the lady of his heart, begins to smile from ear to ear. He is happy to see her, and he doesn’t have this reaction to all the girls in the area. Otherwise, he is just a womanizer, and there is no point in talking about feelings here.