Sources of Doubt
Lack of experience
Often people who ask the question of how to get rid of self-doubt do not understand that the reason for their doubts about their own personality is only a small amount of knowledge. This problem often occurs among young people who are just starting an independent life. They don’t understand what will happen if they don’t take the usual path, if they’ve never done it before. But being guided only by other people’s knowledge is a bad idea, because experience, as they say, is “the son of difficult mistakes.”
Fear
The main answer to the question of how to learn to make decisions and stop doubting is to stop being afraid of the unknown. Everyone experiences the fear of an improvised “dark room”. But if you don’t go into it, you can miss many bright moments from your own life. Coping with fears is not easy. A person who is accustomed to being afraid will constantly stress himself out and think exclusively about the negative consequences of his decision. But a life lived in fear turns into existence.
Comments from “well-wishers”
Unfortunately, people like to get involved in other people's affairs, giving unsolicited advice and commenting on some actions. And not everyone is able to give a damn about someone else’s opinion and let another barb pass their ears. A person, having heard a simple “yes, you’re doing everything wrong,” begins to look for shortcomings in himself.
Instead of simply acting, he is engaged in soul-searching, immersed in complexes and uncertainty. I want to think about every action ten times, so as not to do the wrong thing again.
Perfectionism
How many people are confused by the feeling of perfectionism in a pathological form. This is the belief that an incorrect result of work has no right to exist. Because of this, some begin to delay the decision. It is important not to lose self-control here. Remember that nothing works out perfectly the first time. This is almost impossible, since at the beginning of your journey you do not know about all the risks and opportunities.
You can use the Pareto principle, which states that “20% of effort produces 80% of the result, and the remaining 80% of effort produces only 20% of the result.” If you notice a tendency to put off decisions, read Peter Ludwig’s book “Conquer Procrastination!” How to stop putting things off until tomorrow.”
Dangerous mechanism of action
It is believed that the best advisor and assistant is your own inner voice. The person speaking to him gives the most useful advice. And if a person doesn’t know what to do, if he can’t make a decision, he stops hearing the prompts of consciousness. This is fraught with unpleasant consequences.
note
Human intuition is a powerful mechanism, and neglecting it means depriving yourself of the opportunity to move up the career and social ladder.
Personality and identity
If a person does not do something on his own and is constantly faced with difficult choices, then he constantly asks for advice from others. Of course, there is nothing wrong with seeking someone else's opinion.
But everyone must make key decisions in their lives on their own. But your loved ones and friends are different people with their own life priorities, goals and characters. By constantly listening to their advice, you will live their life and lose your individuality.
Pastime
When doubt arises, he spends his free time soul-searching. Instead of taking a break from a hard day's work, he tries to analyze the motives and consequences of every action, no matter how insignificant. The mood deteriorates, and after work the person actually goes to a second job. In addition, he begins to abandon his favorite hobbies, believing that he achieves nothing in them. An ordinary hobby either turns into a competition, or is carefully analyzed to see whether it is the right thing to do.
Report on your progress
Ask a friend or colleague to help you keep track of your goals and be honest about what is going well in your work and what could be improved or improved. This way you will know your strengths and weaknesses and feel more confident. You can agree to help each other.
For example, you both set goals for the year in several areas of your life. Now check your progress once a quarter to see if you're off track or need to speed up. And every few weeks, discuss what steps you have taken to achieve these goals.
How to deal with the reasons
Any woman who doubts life begins to hesitate when making any decisions, such as buying some kind of household appliance or asking for a promotion. Getting rid of this is quite simple. It is enough to give yourself a mandatory deadline - the time before which you need to make a decision.
If you didn’t have time, it’s better to give yourself some kind of unpleasant punishment. If you were able to decide on time - a reward in the form of a delicious chocolate bar, for example.
Find the source
If a person often has a problem of the “I constantly doubt” type, he must understand himself and analyze his actions. The main step in this difficult struggle is to find the source of the problem. Often the roots of this behavior come from childhood. A child with complexes and pressure will think that he is doing everything wrong.
It is important
You need to understand what exactly stops you and pushes you to indecision. Think about what thoughts come into your head at this moment.
Save compliments and gratitude
“I can get a hundred compliments, but if I hear one person say, ‘You don’t deserve it,’ that’s the one I’ll believe,” said Tobias van Schneider, former art director at Spotify.
If you too are used to brushing off compliments and praise, start retaining all the good things that others say about you. You can create a personal Trello board for this, write everything down in a regular document, or save screenshots with kind words in a separate folder.
This may seem like narcissism, but in fact it is a real reminder that you and your work are valued and respected, and that people are willing to turn to you for help.
Willingness to accept a negative outcome
To stop constantly doubting your choice, you can prepare yourself in advance for the worst-case scenario. It is better to consider all the branches of development of this situation at once and choose the most unpleasant one.
Afterwards, if the prediction does not come true, any of the options will turn out to be pleasant. A person prepared for the worst will always rejoice at the best.
Accepting your own mistakes
Another important step towards overcoming fear and doubt is learning to accept your own mistakes. It is enough to understand that everyone makes the wrong steps. There are no perfect people who do everything right. And everyone has the right to stumble.
There are no unsolvable situations. You need to understand that a person is able to get out of any hole and correct the consequences of any step.
It's okay to have doubts!
Show me a person who never doubts anything. To whom it seems that he clearly sees the future and knows in advance how his fate will turn out. For whom everything in life is finally defined and outlined. For whom the course of reality is completely predictable, devoid of unexpected turns.
"Unhappy! Or a psychopath! - you will say and you will be right.
Nobody can see the future!
We are human and are forced to live in a state of uncertainty and the unknown. And in this lies not only our suffering, but also our happiness! After all, life, with its inexorable unpredictability, brings down on us not only troubles, but also sudden joys.
Birth of a child. Sudden recovery from a long illness. New acquaintance. A chance but fateful meeting. Lucky win.
And who among you doesn’t like surprises? =)
And doubts are a reflection in human consciousness of the objective properties of the surrounding world, that is, its uncertainty.
Of course, you can create a picture of a world in which everything is defined and known. A world in which you can be one hundred percent sure of everything. You can also populate this imaginary world with pink elephants and cotton candy hanging from tree branches. In summer. And in winter it is instead of snow.
Why not?
But in this case, you will need to prepare for the fact that this fake cozy little world will be shattered into smithereens by an unpredictable and changeable reality.
Instead of pink cotton candy, you will find white snow. Best case scenario. At worst - wet, sticky and dirty turd that lies in Moscow instead of snow.
But that’s exactly what snow is like in Moscow! Wet and dirty. Whether you like it or not.
And the world is just like that, changeable and uncertain. Whether you like it or not.
It turns out that doubting is not only normal, but also honest. I don't know how things will turn out in the future. And I am directly aware of this. I'm honest with myself - that's why I doubt it.
Yes, my expectations may not be met. Failure may await me, and perhaps complete failure.
But success can also await me. And happiness, and good health, and big money, and fame and everything that the human heart so desires!
And there is only one way to check how everything will turn out. It's to stop being led by doubt and start fucking taking action! Continue to doubt and only act!
That's the trick. Thanks to which the most successful people you know became so successful.
(In this article I will use the term “success”. By success I mean not only financial success (although that too), but also any realization of life goals: getting rid of an illness, finding close relationships, achieving enlightenment, and so on. Let's say Buddha and Mahatma Gandhi were successful, from this point of view)
How to deal with anxiety
We have to accept that a person will never be able to fully read his future. Whatever step he takes, there is only uncertainty ahead. But there is not necessarily any trick or trap hidden in the darkness.
At the first sign of fear, you need to pull yourself together and stop panicking. You'll have to calm down and start thinking soberly. It won't be easy at first, but over time you will forget about fear.
The Benefits of Cognitive Restructuring
The main answer to the question of how to overcome fear and self-doubt is to use the method of cognitive restructuring. A person who decides to fight his shortcomings must change himself internally.
To put this method into practice, you need to regularly engage in self-analysis. You will have to identify all the traits of your personality and get rid of the negative ones. To do this, you will have to constantly listen to your worldviews and inner voice. Try to be yourself and act as your personality dictates.
Challenging discomfort
Just knowing how to stop doubting yourself is not enough. You will have to act by moving beyond your own comfort zone. You'll have to get over the discomfort and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You can no longer lament and say, “Well, that’s the kind of person I am, what can I do?” You will have to make any decisions on your own, be decisive and strong. Weaknesses of character are not an excuse.
Using Serenity Prayers and Meditations
Often, when making an important life choice, a person begins to experience irrational fear. To get rid of this, you need to stop, take a deep breath or exhale. Breathing exercises are good. You can meditate a little.
If you are a believer, read a prayer to God. There are variations for all existing religions.
Practicing mindfulness in the present moment
Perform a few simple exercises to become aware of yourself in the current moment.
Do the following:
- Look at your feet. Feel how tightly they are in contact with the floor. Try to feel your limbs.
- Look at your surroundings in a new way. Don't give them any judgment, just study the color, sounds, taste, as if you have never seen anything like it.
- Feel your current emotion. Define it. Understand why you feel a certain way.
Books
If you have difficulty making decisions, read special books. Some of them are practical aids. John Lehrer wrote a lot of useful advice in the book How We Make Decisions.
To cope with emotions, you can read the book “Thinking Traps” by Chip and Dan Heath.
To better understand your own body, which sometimes interferes with decision-making, you can read Talm Lobel's work “A Warm Cup on a Cold Day: How Physical Sensations Influence Our Decisions.”
Effective Decision Making Techniques
Descartes square
One of the most effective tactics. You need to draw a square on a notebook sheet and answer all the questions. This allows you to evaluate the problem from all sides and understand the feasibility of one or another intention, as in the photo.
5 Whys
It is necessary to look at the problem and ask yourself the question “why”, for example, why was I fired. The answer is that it didn’t work well. Based on this, the next question is asked: why was I fired? And so repeat 5 iterations. It will allow you to sort out the problem.
