“What if I let the past into my life again? Now everything will be different. I won't make the same mistakes. And “he” seems to have changed.” My dears, why do you think this happens and can it be avoided?
In today’s article, I have prepared for you not only answers to these questions, but also some important tips on how not to get hung up on a man and what to do if you can’t forget a guy.
In this article I will tell you:
- How to stop going back to the past?
- How to forget your ex if you still love him?
- What mistakes does a woman make when breaking up?
- How to avoid making old mistakes in new relationships?
- What is the secret to a happy life after breaking up with your ex?
If it’s more convenient for you to perceive information auditorily, I recorded a detailed video lecture on how to let go of the past and become happy in a new relationship. Follow the link, watch the video and subscribe to my YouTube channel. You will find many useful things there!
When a person does not have much meaning in his present and does not imagine his future as something bright and bright, he is forced to turn 180 degrees and direct all his attention back to the past. And so he stands with his back to the present, feels nostalgic, remembers his life, day after day he “reconsiders” the plots and sighs sadly with the thought: “How good it was there.” Even if “there” it wasn’t good at all.
The thought of a “wonderful” past keeps many women stuck in toxic relationships. And, it would seem, they had already taken the first step towards freedom and separated. But the fear of loneliness and the unknown forces them to return back.
In all my practice, I don’t remember a single case when a woman, passionate about life, for whom everything is cool, cool and healthy, would strive to go back to the past. When a woman is truly happy, takes care of herself, her development, and everything is fine with her, she does not look back.
From time to time, SMS or even calls from exes appear on her phone - and only because they want to become involved in her new life and receive her living energy from her. But a plump woman will not react to such comebacks! She will smile, hang up the call, or answer out of politeness and move on, not attaching any importance to this call at all.
But not everyone will do this. Most girls will not be able to resist fantasizing “What if...”. Moreover, at the very beginning, as soon as they see a heart-warming SMS from their ex, the brain will react correctly: “No, no, it’s all over between us.” And often in contexts where “over” is an adverb.
But, the more the ex tries and shows pressure, the more likely it is that this will cause regret, pity, or even a feeling of guilt for not giving him a chance to rehabilitate himself. Actually, that's what he's counting on.
He wants to believe that with his midnight call he will sow a seed of doubt in your head: “Or maybe we broke up with him in vain?”, “What if I still love him?”
If you suddenly catch yourself thinking that you want to go back in time to your ex or condescend to his pleas and renew your relationship, know that this is a sign: nothing good or interesting is happening in your present.
What to do about it? To begin with, it would be nice to forget your ex, stop getting stuck in your past and finally pay attention to your life in the present moment.
How to forget your ex?
To forget your boyfriend or ex-husband, stop suffering and start a new happy life, you need willpower. If you have decided that you are ending a relationship, promise yourself that you will not return to the past you left.
When ending a relationship with a man, thank him for all the good things that happened between you, ask for forgiveness for something bad and put a big fat point.
You may even have to unfriend him or block him on social networks. There is no need to create the appearance of some kind of friendship, maintain relationships by wishing each other a Happy New Year and Birthday. Any such communication will take you back to the past.
Of course, this option is not suitable for those who have children together. It is not the child’s fault that things didn’t work out between you, and it is extremely important that he has the opportunity to communicate normally and maintain a relationship with his father.
Not by willpower alone
Having an honest conversation with yourself can help you get through a breakup. Figure out what feeling really drives you when you look into the past. This could be loneliness, a meaningless life, a feeling of dependence on a person, self-doubt or low self-esteem. You may be thinking, “Nobody needs me. I will never meet a more worthy man.”
The answers that come to you first will tell you about your main fears, which you will have to work with. Unfortunately, it is not possible to dispel fears and let go of psychological blocks only with the power of thought or with the help of meditation. But this can be done thanks to good training. If you feel that you would like to understand yourself, to better understand what is preventing you from building happy relationships, and to understand how the world of men works, I invite you to my free online course “Man: honest instructions for use. No drama or manipulation.”
6 days of useful content await you that will open your eyes to many seemingly obvious things that you might simply not know. I hope you've already clicked the link and signed up, because now we're going to start looking at the most common mistakes you women make when breaking up with your ex.
How to forget the past - advice from a psychologist
There is a parable: two Buddhist monks were walking. On their way they came across a river that could be forded. The woman asked to help her cross to the other side. One of the monks took her on his back and crossed the river.
Another began to be indignant: “You are a monk, you had no right to touch a woman.” “I carried her and let her go,” answered the first, “and you are still carrying her.”
Sometimes the past greatly complicates our lives, it “rolls over” and makes us relive unpleasant moments again and again. We “carry” this past and cannot free ourselves.
To forget a relationship and let go of the past, first of all, you need to understand that the past has already passed, that nothing in the past can be corrected. You can analyze the past, draw certain conclusions for yourself, decide what to do in the future in a similar situation, but nothing can be changed in the past itself.
But you can change the present and the future. The energy that is wasted on useless worries on the topic: “if everything was returned, I would do ...” should be directed to the present and future. You can try to reduce the harm caused by an ugly act in the past. Look for opportunities to repair the relationship by taking the past into account. Think about how to prevent a similar situation in the future.
Think about what the situation you experienced taught you, analyze your behavior and the behavior of the people with whom you were associated at that moment.
Try to draw your past or describe it as if from the outside, look at it through the eyes of an outsider.
Man is the master of his thoughts
- Don’t allow yourself to repeat the same thoughts over and over again, don’t “wind up” yourself by trying to forcefully forget the past. You can write down unpleasant thoughts and destroy this paper.
- Mentally thank all participants in the unpleasant past, wish them good luck in the future.
- Create a “closet” in your head in which these unpleasant memories will be stored. Try to “close” this closet and not open it again.
And remember, only if you are focused on the present and future, can you forget and forgive the past.
What will help:
- Working through situations. All quarrels experienced in a relationship are stored in the subcortex and affect our behavior. You can avoid their negative influence. Take time, take a notebook with a pen and “turn on” your subconscious. Write about all the problems, grievances and fears that have ever arisen in your relationship with your loved one. The main thing is not to control the flow of thoughts and record every detail.
- Don't turn the period into a comma. Women are often tempted to return to the past: it immediately seems to us that everything was magical or that it will definitely happen next time. But you shouldn’t give in to illusions. Getting back is unlikely to lead to a happy ending, and prolonging the breakup will only cause more pain.
How to forget the past and start living in the present
Every person has experienced mental pain at some point. Someone was deceived, betrayed, robbed by loved ones. Someone simply didn’t have a good relationship with their lover. Someone committed an ugly act or did not do something on time and now his soul constantly hurts from a feeling of guilt. This mental pain interferes with living happily, complicates relationships with other people, and constantly gnaws at a person. How to forget the past, what hurts and live life to the fullest again?
Listen to yourself. What kind of pain are you having? Is it the pain of loss from the fact that you had a good time with someone, you were loved, and now you lack these feelings? Or is it an insult to another person who doubted your merits and good qualities? Or maybe it's a feeling of guilt?
Ask yourself a question that may seem strange: do you want to experience this pain? Don't rush to answer. For example, your lover left you, it hurts you. You complain about him to everyone you know. And you get pleasure from the fact that everyone feels sorry for you. Moreover, at the same time, you can feel your superiority, reflecting on the topics: “all men..., all women...”. If you get rid of the pain, they will stop feeling sorry for you, that is, you will strive to keep the pain.
How not to remember the past and forget
Treat the situation in which pain was caused as a life lesson, think about what conclusions can be drawn from this situation. Having made a decision, try to prohibit yourself from mentally returning to the past.
If you are in pain from loss, think about how you can compensate for it. If you are offended, do something to be satisfied with yourself, increase your importance in your eyes and in the eyes of your friends. To forget the past, don't blame yourself for the past, it doesn't make sense.
Forbid yourself from hating the person who hurt you. Stop wishing him harm and dreaming of revenge. Your pain is in the past; if you take revenge in the present, the past will not change. “Let go” of the person who hurt you, let him leave your thoughts.
Get creative, find yourself a new hobby, look for new friends, load yourself with worries - let your thoughts be occupied not with worries, but with doing all these things and there will be no time to think about the past.
Time is the best doctor, it will help you forget the past. Give the emotional wound time to heal, put thoughts about the past in the back drawer. Life goes on, you will still be happy, believe in it.
Forgive and let go of people from the past
To start living life to the fullest, it is important to know how to get rid of past relationships and connections. Surely there were people in your life who hurt you, set you up, or left you alone when you needed help. Often, past grievances prevent you from making new acquaintances and building new relationships. You subconsciously expect trickery and betrayal from everyone.
Give up your resentment and hatred. Those people with whom you are offended have changed a long time ago, just like you. It is possible that they also regret their actions. Of course, no one forces you to love them, maintain close contacts with them, and so on. But you simply have to forgive them. You don't need to tell them about it. Just get rid of the resentment within yourself.
How to forget past love
How to open your heart to love again? Is it possible to quickly get rid of depression that arose after being abandoned by a loved one? We are ready to give you some tips that will be effective in combating this problem.
1.
In order to forget a relationship, you first need to forgive the person, even if he offended you very much, before leaving. This is what will allow you to simply let go of the situation and forget about the problem. As long as you remember all the bad things your partner did, there will be no room in your heart for a new person, and you may miss out on your love. Tune yourself to the fact that forgiveness is an excellent remedy for melancholy and depression. First of all, you are doing this for yourself.
2.
How to forget the past? Start a new romance and let it be truly bright. It is not at all necessary to look for someone for long-term communication - a small affair will be enough. But here we will make a reservation that for many women this option will be unacceptable.
Think ten times before using a new romance to fight an old love - you may feel completely empty if you place more expectations on a man than necessary. On the contrary, if you don’t expect your new partner to desperately love you, and you just need to unwind, then you can safely look for adventure. If your upbringing does not allow you to do this, even a little harmless flirting will raise not only your mood, but also your self-esteem - try it!
3.
To forget the relationship, switch your attention to some other activity. For example, you can always sign up for a fitness club, take foreign language courses, and start going to theaters, museums, and cinemas. Volunteering is a great way to help cope with any depression. By helping other people, you will involuntarily realize that matters of the heart are not the most important thing in life. This is what will allow you to quickly recover after a breakup.
4.
And, of course, time helps to forget the past! You don’t need to think that in a couple of days you will feel better and you will again enjoy life as before. But, on the other hand, believe that despondency is not forever. In fact, this is a normal condition that happens to everyone and will definitely pass. Let it be in a month or even in a year - in any case, you will still be able to not only get the opportunity to get rid of old memories, but you will also definitely meet true love!
Acknowledge your role in what happened.
Take responsibility for everything that happened to you and stop looking for extreme ones.
Realizing your role does not mean placing all the blame on yourself. Accept who you were, even if it's unpleasant. Don’t hide behind the phrases “I was forced”, “I was misled.” Stop being a toy in the hands of circumstances. Accept that the relationship cannot be returned and devote time to creating a new you.
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Read on topic: 7 signs that you are repressing childhood memories
How to forget the past and start a new life
As sad as it is to realize, everything ends sooner or later. So is the relationship between two people. True, for some they end in marriage, but if you are looking for an answer to the question of how to forget your love, this is clearly not your case. Of course, it is sad to admit this, but we must face the harsh reality.
1.
To begin with, soberly and unprejudicedly evaluate the feeling that actually possesses you. Usually suffering is caused not by love, but by those feelings that try to disguise themselves as it. This may be a feeling of unsatisfied possessiveness, heightened pride, fear of loneliness, low self-esteem, a feeling of inner devastation and others like that. If you really want to recover from suffering, then recognize the other person's right to freedom of choice. And you better think about your own shortcomings and ways to eliminate them.
2.
Take a blank sheet of paper, write on it a detailed story about how your love began and what suffering it brought you. Sign this story at least seven times - it all happened. This paper should then be torn and thrown away.
3.
Take another sheet of paper and write down on it everything that you came to as a result of your internal analysis. Write down all those weaknesses. Which you managed to discover in yourself and which led to you becoming psychologically dependent on another person. This list should be kept until you overcome your own shortcomings.
4.
And now we will heal the wounds received, we will try to forget love. If, when you wake up in the morning, you feel that the blues have fallen on you, you should not lie in bed for a long time; if, on the contrary, you feel easy and calm, allow yourself to relax for some more time. Buy a soothing medicinal herbal mixture at the pharmacy, brew it at night and drink it instead of tea. Don't watch heartbreaking melodramas or read romantic books. Better watch an action movie or a comedy.
5.
Get busy with your studies or work. Surely, during the time that you suffered, you developed many gaps. Now is the time to fix them. And the achieved result will help you significantly increase your self-esteem. Try not to meet the object of your passion or communicate with him, even on the phone. That was all. And new love awaits you ahead.
