I warn you right away, we are talking about falling in love, not love.
And these are different concepts. Without delving into the jungle of psychology, in a nutshell, falling in love is about delight, and love is about balance and peace.
The first is slightly selfish and demands possession. Like a drug, it is addictive. The second is selfless and balanced. Fromm in his “The Art of Loving” described it as “interest in the life and development of the object of love.”
Falling in love is at first sight and immediately to the end of the world. Love is listening and taking into account the desires of your partner, developing together. And for some reason many people confuse these definitions.
Why? Let's figure it out.
Physiologically, there are reasons for this that are completely justified by nature.
What it is?
Falling in love is a positive feeling that arises when looking at the object of sympathy.
Consciousness at this moment narrows, which leads to ignoring the shortcomings of the object.
A person idealizes him and pays attention only to his positive qualities.
This feeling is hope for possible happiness. A person experiences a bright feeling that inspires him, gives birth to love for life and everything around him.
However, a lover most often experiences feelings not for a real person, but for her image that he represents. He becomes dependent on the object of his adoration.
At the physical level, this phenomenon is explained by the functioning of certain glands in the human body.
The hormone dopamine leads to a powerful surge of emotions. It helps a person move towards his goal, overcoming obstacles.
The state of falling in love: definitions and essence
Many scientists have studied falling in love, and psychologists have also made a great contribution to understanding its nature. But neither psychologists nor other specialists have a single view on this state that excites the mind and heart.
What is love? There are many definitions of love, and they all reflect its biological, instinctive, uncontrolled by reason essence, which, however, inspires and develops the moral qualities of the individual.
Falling in love is an acute and strong emotional experience in which passion predominates, physiologically determined by sexual attraction to the object of desire.
Falling in love is a feeling uncontrollable by the will and an altered state of consciousness, stimulating people to creativity (creating works of art, inventing unique technical models, making discoveries) and improving their own personality.
Falling in love is a stage of the relationship between a man and a woman, which is popularly called the candy-bouquet period. As a stage in a relationship, falling in love arises soon after or immediately during the meeting of people and certainly ends after some time.
Another interesting definition that reveals the essence of falling in love: falling in love is a psycho-emotional state, similar to a stressful one in an extreme situation, and its symptoms resemble a mild mental disorder!
What are the signs?
Recognizing a person in love is quite simple ; the following signs help:
- obsessive thoughts about the object of adoration;
- frequent mood swings;
- insomnia;
- rash acts;
- redness of the face when the object of adoration appears in the room;
- loss of appetite;
- “glitter” in the eyes;
- cardiopalmus;
- anxiety, shyness.
In addition, a person partially loses the ability to think logically. He makes rash decisions and does stupid things.
It can be very difficult to concentrate on anything. Some people are drawn to creativity. They become inspired to write poetry, music, and paintings.
Signs of falling in love:
Difference from love
There are several important differences:
- What attracts. When falling in love, a person’s physical characteristics are attracted, and love implies a craving for personality and internal qualities. Physical attraction is also there, but fades into the background.
- How it develops. Falling in love develops quickly, but love develops slowly. It is impossible to love a person without getting to know him.
- Interest . When falling in love, it flares up and then goes out, love speaks of more permanent feelings.
- Impact on humans . Falling in love plunges a person into dreams, he ceases to be responsible. Love reveals the best qualities of a person and causes the desire to become better.
- Breakups . Time and distance will lead to the disappearance of love; a person will quickly forget the object of adoration. True love will last even at a distance. People will love each other even if they separate for a while. The feelings will become even stronger, intensify.
- The basis of feelings . If this is love, a person cares only about himself, dreams of his own happiness. If this is love, a person strives to make another happy. He gives more than he receives.
An important detail that many people forget: there is no such thing as love at first sight, there is only falling in love. In any case, it will take time for love to be born. Falling in love is the first step on the path to true love.
How to distinguish love from infatuation? Find out from the video:
How long do emotions last?
Scientists are unanimous in this case - emotions last no more than 90 seconds
, and then we ourselves can decide whether to discard it or continue to experience it.
Of course, if the emotion is positive, then why not enjoy it to the fullest? But if it’s anger or fear, then is it worth throwing wood on the fire and starting a real fire?
In such cases, psychologists advise expressing yourself after the emotion arises. To do this, you need not to remain silent, but to clearly make it clear to people exactly what you feel and why you are dissatisfied. Most likely, this will help you avoid unnecessary thoughts and the desire to scroll through the situation in your head will become noticeably less.
If the emotion is too negative, then it makes sense to cry or shout out a lot - the person will feel better and there is no longer a need to continue experiencing negative emotions.
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WikiHelp: Izard Carroll (born 1923) is an American psychologist. He defended his doctoral dissertation at Syracuse University in New York. Professor of Psychology at the University of Delaware. Specialist in human emotions. Author of the differential theory of emotions. In the analysis of emotions, he identified three levels: neurophysiological, expressive, and subjective. He gave a description of such fundamental emotions as: interest - excitement, joy, surprise, grief - suffering - depression, anger - disgust - contempt, fear - anxiety, shame - shyness, guilt.
Duration of feeling
How long does falling in love last for men?
The duration of falling in love largely depends on the individual qualities of the man. Usually this feeling lasts 2-3 years .
After this time, the man begins to notice the shortcomings of his beloved, which he will either accept or reject. At this stage, the relationship becomes stronger or the couple breaks up.
How long does a woman's love last? Women and men fall in love the same: 2-3 years. At this time, girls do not notice the shortcomings of their chosen ones and idealize them.
When 2-3 years pass, the euphoria disappears, the woman begins to evaluate her loved one more rationally. In this case, she will either accept his shortcomings or break up with him.
When does true love begin?
It all depends on the couple themselves: sometimes this feeling lasts for several months, and sometimes for many years.
Usually when falling in love ends, true love begins .
Despite the revealed shortcomings, people continue to love each other, care and treat each other with tenderness.
This is a strong feeling that can last a lifetime .
Psychology of a man in love:
What is he like, a lover?
Understanding whether a man is in love with you is very simple.
Since hormones are involved, the woman feels it almost immediately. Everything in his behavior signals this: glances, gestures, the desire to be close, to touch, to speak tenderly.
He will become a dreamer, absent-minded, but capable of moving mountains for you. And, of course, burning eyes, sweating palms and excitement as if in a state of euphoria are also possible.
It looks like the symptoms of a disease, doesn't it? : ) Tell us in the comments about the craziest thing a man in love has ever done in your life.
All this is very touching, but... IT WILL NOT ALWAYS BE SO!
3 year hypothesis
Why do they say that love lasts two or three years? There is a theory that love lasts three years. In fact, there is some truth in it , but not the whole truth.
In the first three years of a relationship, people feel intense passion and euphoria. Feelings can be bright, intense, and literally bind people to each other.
However, feelings gradually weaken, people get used to each other, and begin to see shortcomings. This leads to quarrels, scandals, which lead to emotional wounds.
As a result, love disappears, but leaving a loved one can sometimes be very difficult. People get used to each other , become attached, and remember joyful moments.
If in this case a person tries to understand his soulmate, accepts her shortcomings, a real feeling will be born that can last a lifetime.
People will enter a new stage of relationships. Three years later, love does not end, but is just beginning .
Euphoria, head in the clouds and selfishness disappear. People begin to care about each other and become truly close. Even without euphoria, they continue to be together, enjoying each other's company.
How to prove to a girl that you love her? Advice from psychologists will help you!
Is it true that love lasts 3 years? Expert opinion:
Nina, 56 years old, pensioner
My husband and I met when we were in first grade. As the teacher sat us at the same desk, we never parted again! Even as a child, he looked after me - he carried a briefcase, then he invited me to the cinema, we walked together. Then I was waiting for him from the army, and when they both graduated from college, then they got married. We have two children and five grandchildren. I have never had other men, I am also my husband’s first. I’m sure he didn’t cheat on me, I also never looked at other people. And I am happy! I love my husband no less than in my youth, and maybe even more. So love can last a lifetime. I am absolutely sure of this!
When will the passion subside?
Passion is a vivid feeling that arises in both men and women. Despite the fact that passion can literally control a person and tie him to his soulmate, it cannot last forever.
Its duration depends on the person himself, his character traits, interests, and personality traits. According to psychologists, passion lasts from several weeks to one year.
Passion without love disappears quickly, this especially often happens when a couple begins to live together. Cohabitation is the best way to get to know your soulmate and not everything will suit you.
If previously a person felt passion and elevated the object of adoration , then during cohabitation he falls from heaven to earth and understands that the object of adoration is a completely ordinary, real person who is in many ways not ideal.
However, passion can turn into something more serious , which leads to strong relationships, but for this people must be able to listen to each other and work on themselves.
If they want to save the relationship, get used to each other, passion will turn into affection, care, love.
How long does passion last? Psychologist's opinion:
Irina, 45 years old, administrator
Nothing lasts forever. And love is no exception. It happens, of course, that people live with each other all their lives. But this is no longer love. They either cannot leave, or simply do not want to look for another partner, realizing that the new spouse will get bored just as quickly as the previous one. Look at people who have been married for a long time. They don't even talk to each other. The husband is watching football on the sofa, the wife is watching a TV series in the kitchen. And this continues for years. And everything looks great - a strong family, no one is going to get a divorce. Only now love has nothing to do with it.
