How to survive the betrayal of a loved one: 10 tips

Each man is individual, as is his attitude towards lies. Some believe, like Voltaire, that a lie can reassure a loved one, others admit “a white lie,” others sincerely agree with the words of A.P. Chekhov that lies eat away at the soul like rust.

Truth and falsehood are philosophical concepts. Where is the line between vile deception and unfortunate delusion, false fiction and wild fantasy? Which category should we include hiding the truth?

The reasoning can be continued endlessly. Let's leave speculative discussions to philosophers and admit a priori that it is ugly to deceive, especially your own wife. If a woman asks the question: “Why is my husband lying?”, then she is experiencing obvious discomfort. Let's try to figure out what to do and how to behave in this unpleasant situation.

Reasons why your husband lies

When faced with the deception of a loved one, we experience strong negative emotions. A note of mistrust immediately creeps in, thoughts of betrayal and cooling of feelings arise. Before you start doing something, try to calm down and look at the situation from the outside. Don’t immediately start a scandal; unbridled emotions will only worsen the relationship.

First, analyze the situation in detail, take a kind of time-out. Observe your husband from a distance and find out how often and when he lies. Psychologists highlight three possible options.

Easy fibbing on little things

If a man tells lies over trifles, be lenient about it. The stronger sex tends to weave tall tales, making achievements more significant and shortcomings more invisible. If your husband boasts about his unprecedented harvest of mushrooms or his popularity with women, pretend that you sincerely believe him. Play along with him, let him feel like a noble earner, a Casanova, etc.

Don't be jealous of fictitious victories on the love front. If you begin to doubt his masculine viability, you will involuntarily create a desire to prove the fiction with real facts. It’s easier to pretend that you believe the bravado.

If a man tells fairy tales at the beginning of an acquaintance, he is trying to impress you in this way. This is a favorite means of seduction for modern machos. Please exercise caution. Exorbitant promises to “take the moon out of the sky,” “throw the whole world at your feet,” and shower people from head to toe with material wealth are often pure fiction. To avoid disappointment later, try to draw a line between real possibilities and imaginary ones.

Pathological liar

In psychology, there is a model of behavior when a person tends to constantly tell lies. Some experts believe that pathological liars differ from ordinary liars in their confidence in the veracity of their fabrications. They lie selflessly, living into fictitious images. Individuals with low self-esteem are most susceptible to pathological lies.

Such people always lie to everyone, without blushing: at work - to their superiors, in company - to friends, at home - to their wife. The habit of lying is fixed in the subconscious from childhood. If strict parents or educators scold or punish a child for the slightest sin, he begins to skillfully hide them.

Men are eternal children. They actively use similar behavior even at an advanced age. Perhaps you have become a hostage to your husband's previous relationship with an overly demanding woman. Accustomed to hiding the truth or telling half-truths, he transfers the learned model to you.

It is unlikely to stop a pathological liar from lying without a qualified psychologist. You can change it only by identifying the underlying reason for cheating. For a person to become sincere, he will need considerable volitional efforts.

The husband only lies to his wife

It is this case that deserves careful consideration and specific intervention. If a spouse turns into a liar upon entering the home, the reason lies in the couple's relationship.

There are several reasons for lying:

Reluctance to offend your spouse

Attempts to protect a loved one from painful emotions are typical of sensitive people. They try the situation on themselves, and tell “sweet” lies instead of the impartial truth. If you try to find out from a natural diplomat whether a clearly unsuccessful hairstyle or dress suits you, you yourself will force him to deceive you. Just be glad that your husband loves you so much that he doesn’t want to upset you. If such cases begin to irritate, then you should act in two ways.

First, stop asking provoking questions, because a truthful answer is unlikely to change the unpleasant reality. Secondly, explain to your husband that you value his independent opinion and will not be offended by constructive criticism.

If you feel that your husband doesn’t like the way you look or cook, but he continues to persistently lie, try to change yourself. Master culinary wisdom, choose a winning hairstyle and clothing style. Remember how women’s perception of the world changes after the magical transformations in “Fashionable Sentence”. If your husband endures and does not leave, it means he loves you and is waiting for positive changes, and not insults and accusations of lies. The best reward will be a truly well-deserved compliment: “You look great today!”

The desire to appear successful in the eyes of your wife

Artificially inflating your achievements indicates a desire to meet your expectations. Don’t try to make your husband Arnold Schwarzenegger and Alain Delon rolled into one. Think about it: are you too critical of your husband’s career achievements?

Instead of blaming someone for not living up to the desired ideal, try to give wise and objective suggestions. Before pointing out mistakes, praise something good. If you criticize, do it carefully, measuredly and appropriately.

Wise psychologists advise never to compare your husband with more successful men. This has a painful impact on self-esteem, and in the future provokes a cooling of feelings. Support your husband in positive endeavors, become a strong supporter. Learn to accept it along with your shortcomings, and the reason for cheating will disappear.

Reluctance to touch on a sore subject

A fairly common reason for excuses, ambiguity and uncertainty is the lack of willingness to discuss a topic that worries the wife. The range of issues is quite wide: from everyday troubles to reluctance to have children. What to do in such a situation? We should not fight the lie itself, but solve the problem that gives rise to it. As a rule, the wife instinctively feels that she is causing her husband’s rejection. Whether you raise the question bluntly or wait for possible changes is up to you.

Not wanting negative consequences

It happens that a wife’s reaction to the truth is too violent and unpredictable: tears, screams, reproaches, blackmail, etc. In such situations, even honest husbands try to avoid scandals through false fabrications. If we are talking about an acceptable norm, change your life attitude. To save your family, try not to throw tantrums, quarrels, lecture, or threaten to move in with your mother. There are many calm and balanced women who will happily take your place.

Stereotypes of betrayal

Stereotype one

Many believe that they cheat mainly on pathetic and unworthy individuals, popularly called losers. Almost every magazine for women will indicate the reason that the girl does not take care of herself, is unkempt, scary, and so on.

Often when cheating happens because of these articles, we begin to compare ourselves in similar ways. After all, it is believed that a man will not just run away from a beautiful, well-groomed, smart girl. Of course, there is some truth in this example, but you don’t have to take it all on yourself.

A family is created by mutual feelings. If one of the parties’ feelings begin to cool, then either they need to be warmed up, or the person must be let go. There is nothing you can do to keep him in the family if his feelings are gone. Understand that everyone is subject to betrayal, including the most beautiful girls in the world, queens, and simple rural girls. Don't think there's something wrong with you. You just came across an asshole.

Stereotype two

Some girls believe that their boyfriend cheated on them because the other girl is better than her. On the one hand, the logic can be traced, because it will not go to the one that is worse. In reality, that girl is just different, she is different from you, but she is neither better nor worse.

There is a chance that your husband saw in her what he was missing in you. Better think about something else. Since your husband left, it means new opportunities have opened up for you. One of them is to meet a man who will truly value you, appreciate you and will not give you away to anyone. And you can only sympathize with the girl who stole your boyfriend. After all, a traitor has left, who with a high degree of probability will cheat on her over time.

Advice from a psychologist: what to do if your husband is lying?

Perhaps you keep your spouse on a short leash: you call all the time, check where he is and with whom, why is he 5 minutes late from work? Believe me, total control will certainly give rise to lies. A person has a personal protected space that you invade too often.

No matter how difficult it is, give your other half freedom of action and movement. Otherwise, instead of everyday lies, more serious reasons for concern will appear. Respect your husband's personality. Despite the clearly visible stamp in your passport, it is not your undivided property. He has his own hobbies, friends, problems with which he does not want to burden you.

Let us illustrate the theory with a clear example. A tired man went to a bar after work with a friend and lightened up his dinner with a glass of beer. The missus traditionally greets him at the doorstep with the expected “Oh, you...!!!” What's left to do? I had to tell a white lie that I was late at a meeting with partners and was forced to “sip a little,” as “accepted in corporate ethics.”

The same thing happens when a wife torments her husband with jealousy. By asking your colleagues in detail about their relationships with women, you run the risk of hearing a fair amount of misinformation, so as not to make too much of it. Try to show more trust and mutual understanding. This really helps.

To forgive or not to forgive?

Is it possible to forgive a traitor? Forgiveness is necessary, and this is not a joke. It doesn't matter whether you continue your relationship with this person or not. You need forgiveness, not him. This removes from you the burden of resentment that lingers from the situation that happened and poisons your soul every single day.

Basically, in any quarrel, conflict, betrayal, you cannot blame only the husband or wife. Both partners are to blame. Here you need to analyze your relationship and try to understand what prompted him to such a base act.

The main thing is not to place all the blame on yourself, it is pointless. We learn from our mistakes, and it is impossible to live life without them. We only live once.

Whether to continue the relationship with the traitor or not is up to you to decide. If you decide to keep your family together, I have an article for you. To be more confident in your decision, spend some time alone with yourself and weigh the pros and cons.

Treason is the deadliest lie

The above types of lies do not add optimism, but patient and wise women will find strength and ways to reconcile with them. When it turns out that a lie masks betrayal, few will be able to forgive and understand it. It is worth noting that if the infidelity is isolated, the husband regrets it and asks for forgiveness, then it makes sense to try to rehabilitate the relationship. When a spouse cheats constantly, hiding behind a network of endless lies, there is little hope for saving the marriage.

If you were betrayed

If you become aware of a lie, you will begin to experience intense emotions.
So, for example, my husband cheated on his wife. Initially, the woman will begin to blame herself and look for the reasons for the betrayal in herself. The next day will bring hatred towards your spouse. After this comes depression. But this is fundamentally wrong behavior for a woman, since the problem cannot be solved in this way.

Related article: How to forgive betrayal? And is it worth doing?

You can do this by getting rid of worries:

Don't store emotions inside
Don’t retreat into yourself, hiding in the expectation that the pain will go away on its own.
Do you want to scream? Shout! The fact is that all hidden pain can sooner or later manifest itself in you in the form of illnesses. After all, now you have the right to express your emotions.
Remove yourself from the situation
Once you have thrown out all your emotions, pretend that this whole situation did not happen to you.
Step away from the problem. It will be better if you do not communicate with a liar for a while. There is no need to go somewhere far away, just try not to think about what happened. You have friends, family, work. Start making time for them.
Forgive yourself
Now that the passions have subsided, it’s time to sort out your thoughts.
It is worth forgiving yourself, because the feeling of your own guilt will have a destructive effect on you. Who knows, maybe part of the current situation is partly your fault, but we all make mistakes. Yes, you made a mistake, but accept it and move on with your life.
Speak
Now it's time to talk to the offender.
Speak up, but give the person who lied to you an opportunity to express their position. We need to find the reasons for the current situation together, voice them to each other and move on with our lives. Get over it.

Lessons of trust3

Start by explaining to yourself what trust means to you. If the definition doesn't come to mind, consider whether it means "your unreasonable expectations."

If the chosen one did not live up to your expectations, this is your problem, not his. The more you rely on a man and ask for help, the more trust there will be in the relationship, and the man will try to do everything possible and impossible for you.

Suspicion is born, as from a “natural mother,” from mistrust. Where did the suspicion come from? Perhaps you looked at his phone and saw something you didn't like? Then how can anyone trust you? In such relationships there is no place for mutual trust. Or maybe the husband began to stay late at work for no reason? You need to be a realist, not a dreamer. Believe facts, not speculation. It's better to say directly what's bothering you and offer to discuss it. The man will be grateful for your support and will certainly dispel all your doubts.

Mistrust is humiliating. For males, love is equal to faith, this is how their brain works. For women, it’s different, when she doesn’t trust a man, she loses her energy. A woman's faith can give a man all kinds of strength. And this is the most important thing a woman should give. It is not easy to accept everything about your man: the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible.

Behind any woman's care, there must be faith in a man and complete trust. Then the king will be nearby, strong and responsible. After all, strong men are accompanied through life only by wise women. How to trust a man after everything you’ve been through is up to you to decide. There must be a desire to believe. This is work on yourself and a long journey, but the result is worth it. As a reward, a man will have a desire to perform feats for the sake of his beloved. After all, if they trust him, that means they love him.

Become self-sufficient

Married women tend to sacrifice their own interests for the needs of the family. Due to the lack of hobbies, wives too often stress themselves out and try to monitor changes in the relationship with their spouse.

New hobbies and interesting activities make life more varied and relieve anxiety.

If you are distracted for a while, the resentment will cease to be acute and may not be forgotten, but will not constantly torment and break your heart.