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- Why not forget your first love and what it is?
- “It’s impossible to forget your first love!” - where does this illusion come from?
- “I can’t forget my first love!” What to do?
- “I’m married, but I can’t forget my first love! Help!"
- Do people forget their first love?
- “Does a man forget his first love?” - the ladies ask
- Why you shouldn't resurrect your relationship with your first love. Cinematic example
- The search for first love arises from the emptiness of life
No need for sarcastic smiles. First love for many people becomes a problem when they move away from it. First love prevents you from building normal, healthy relationships with those people who are present in the present. Therefore, let’s take a scientific approach to considering the issue of first love, let’s clarify:
What is first love? Why does the phenomenon of nostalgia occur? What should you think about if a person is visited by this kind of longing for something unfulfilled? Specific cases.
Why not forget your first love and what it is?
"Nautilus" once sang: "Love is a look from the screen." If translated into prosaic language: love is only an image. A person imagines. He is a creature who lives in illusions. The thesis is especially true when it comes to youthful or teenage love (or falling in love). When a person is young and inexperienced, the main tool for understanding the world around him is imagination; he builds castles in the air and idealizes reality. Let's support our reasoning with a textbook example - Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet - this is an ideal biography of first love. The story has everything you need:
Crazy, sizzling passion. Obstacles that only strengthen feelings and convince people that their first love is eternal! And an early end. Neither Romeo nor Juliet understood what it was? Brief flash or eternal love?
The cynical author noted that if the lovers had lived longer, and Juliet had given birth to 3 to 5 children and gotten fat, then it is still unknown how the story would have ended. But this would no longer be Shakespeare, but prosaic reality, where people make mistakes, love passes, and death is sometimes not covered with any romantic aura.
At first glance, the reasoning is far from the topic, but this is not so. People who ask themselves why they cannot forget their first love do not realize that they are creating in their memories a story similar to the one written by Shakespeare.
Features of teenage love
It is very difficult for teenagers who do not yet have any experience of communicating with the opposite sex to survive disappointment in their first love, a breakup and the pain of realizing that you have been abandoned.
Most teenage love is fickle. Young people are looking for variety in it, changing partners and partners. This is also a kind of school of communication, where one “gets bumps” and thus gains experience. Through disappointment and suffering, teenagers realize that there is no point in wasting time endlessly searching for new partners to experience vivid sensations, but that they should build a strong relationship with one person. Early love is fragile, because... has no financial basis. Young couples cannot get married because they are not independent and cannot support their family without the help of their parents.
Teenage love rarely ends in marriage. And if it does happen, such a marriage often faces divorce.
Teenage love has no continuation, because... young people still have no idea what they want from themselves and how they see their life partner. They do not yet have most of the necessary qualities for family life: compassion, patience, prudence, the ability to manage money, self-sacrifice, etc.
Psychologist Evgenia Streletskaya about the nature of first love and why it is so important to experience it in the video:
“It’s impossible to forget your first love!” - where does this illusion come from?
First love is an image unconsciously formed by a person. Let's consider why youthful love wins outright over the real thing? Adult life consists of:
From work. From family responsibilities. From spending time with friends.
There is no point in disclosing each point. Adults know that they may or may not like three elements of life, but regardless of emotions and their nature, these three components give rise to routine, and with it boredom. Moreover, it does not matter whether the position is prestigious, whether there are conflicts at work or not, whether the wife is beautiful and smart, or whether the friends are reliable. Boredom is inevitable. A man sits and thinks in the evening silence: “Yes, it’s impossible to forget your first love!” After all, you want to go where you haven’t been:
Liabilities Accounts. Boredom and routine.
Human memory is selective and, as N.A. wrote. Berdyaev, “has a creative function.” What a person remembers is not at all what actually happened. “Good memories” are those facts that a person has unconsciously worked on and creatively changed in a way that is more convenient for him. And it’s good that a person has a tendency to create memories in this way. Imagine a person who would remember the bad or the real.
“I can’t forget my first love!” What to do?
This is a worrying sign. And he says that a person is not satisfied with his life. Let’s remember the components of adult life, if the thought beats in your head like a bird in a cage: “I can’t forget my first love! What to do?" We need to analyze which of those stones of everyday life has become loose. Is the person unhappy with his family/work/friends? Here is a list of methods to combat love nostalgia:
Analysis and answer to the question why a person remembered his first love. If a problem is found, then the next natural step is a solution. If the melancholy does not subside, then there is an extreme remedy - to meet your first love.
The last point is so fascinating that we give in to temptation and fantasize:
“First love” will not remember the person’s name. Perhaps this will be a deception, because the separation was painful, but it has a sobering effect and ends the search. People may be found, but the meeting will take place in a cool atmosphere of mutual alienation, because that very image does not at all coincide with what the person is at the moment. A man and a woman meet and love each other until dawn, then separate forever, because they understand: except for unsatisfied desire, nothing binds them. A man and a woman meet and understand: “This is it!” Living happily ever after and dying on the same day is a fantastic scenario that sometimes occurs. Why? Because miracles are possible.
Is it worth going back to the past?
It often happens that a person cannot forget his first love for a long time.
As a result, he comes to the conclusion that maybe it was “that” feeling that once and for all.
And he begins to make attempts to renew his old relationship.
However, we often forget that some time has passed. You have changed, your first love is also a completely different person.
You have matured, changed your views on the world, gained some life experience. Therefore, in any case, the renewed relationship will not be similar to past feelings. And it is likely that you will be disappointed.
In addition, we tend to idealize our first love. And when faced with reality, we understand that it is far from our ideas . As a result, the relationship is destroyed, and that image from first love also no longer evokes pleasant memories.
So it is best not to renew past relationships, even if we are talking about first love.
What are the prospects for first love? About this in the video:
“I’m married, but I can’t forget my first love! Help!"
Such people think: “You will never forget your first love!” A person remembers only what he wants or what he depends on. If a married man remembers the first girl he fell in love with tenderly, then the problem lies:
In the way of life. A person is not satisfied with his daily life, how his life is organized. And he thinks: with “first love” life would be different. Sexuality in marriage no longer pulsates as before. As sad as it is, this issue cannot be avoided. Everything is banal: a person is not satisfied with the passion of his wife or her lack of imagination in bed games. A normal sex life is the foundation of a happy marriage. If there is no foundation, then there will be no joy from the relationship. They are sentenced. If a husband or wife thinks about the past, it means that the present is disturbing them. Life routine, full of problems. Behind this mysterious formulation lies a state when a person thinks: “Everything is somehow wrong.”
Nostalgia for first love is an escape from reality.
A person is tired and wants to believe that reality has simple recipes for happiness. There is only one method here: do not run away from problems, but courageously fight them, and not ask yourself: “I’m married, but I can’t forget my first love! What should I do, poor thing?
To return years later or not
The plot of many romantic films is structured this way: two lovers break up in their youth, and when they meet 20-30 years later, their feelings begin to flare up with new emotions. But if movie heroes manage to carry love through their entire lives and reunite, then in reality such stories can rarely be found.
It is almost impossible to repeat your first love after many years for the following reasons:
- People change throughout their lives. The man who was adored in his youth is no longer there. After 20 years, this is a different person with a new set of beliefs and views. Over so much time a person could become either better or worse.
- Over the course of several decades, not only the chosen one has changed, but also the person who loves him. If earlier a woman was open and naive, then in adulthood she may experience enormous difficulties in finding a common language with her lover.
- Different social statuses, outlooks on life, the presence of a family and children can also prevent you from renewing a relationship. Few people will want to change their established way of life for the sake of a person from the past, so there is no need to hope that he will take risks.
Although they say that strong love will break out at any age, you should not stir up old contacts. It is better to direct all energy to real life, which is happening here and now. If the past prevents you from focusing on the present, you need to make every effort to correct the current situation.
Do people forget their first love?
The answer will upset many. The question of how to forget your first love is meaningless. Because only amnesia will help you forget your first love. A person’s torment takes on the wrong form. You need to ask yourself not about how to forget your first love forever, but about why such distant memories, even pleasant ones, occupy a person more than pressing problems, experiences and joys. After all, the past is dead, but the present and future are alive. When a person understands why the departed touches his soul, he will know the answer to the question of how to forget his first love. Or rather, it will lose its sharpness for a person, familiar features will be erased.
So the question is, do people forget their first love? Answer: no, they don’t forget. They remember, but they stop putting emotions into it. The past cannot be changed. First love remained there, from where it could not be extracted in any way. The person who caused this bright feeling is no longer there, even if his physical shell is alive and well. Life changes everyone.
Advice from psychologists
The psychology of feelings is such that it is difficult to lose love, but it is even more difficult to accept it and move on. Happiness doesn't end after a breakup. There are many opportunities in the world that will help make life brighter and more interesting. The main thing is not to get hung up on one partner.
To make it easier to cope with a breakup, psychologists advise using the following recommendations:
- It is necessary to put an end to the relationship, calm down and realize that the couple is no longer there. If it is difficult to realize this on your own, you can consult a psychologist. A specialist will help you get rid of love addiction.
- There is no need to suppress your tears. If you want to cry, then you need to give vent to your feelings. For atmosphere, you can turn on a sad film or read dramatic stories. But you need to stop after splashing out negative emotions, otherwise there is a risk of falling into deep depression. 2-3 days are enough for discharge.
- A new hobby is a great way to take your mind off worries and bad moods. After a breakup, it's time to start a hobby that you didn't have time for before.
- Transformation is a great way to relieve sadness for women. If a girl loses weight, goes in for sports, goes to the spa and hairdresser, then she will blossom again, and not a trace will remain of thoughts about the guy. The former boyfriend will be replaced by new interesting men.
- There is no need to immediately rush into the maelstrom of a new relationship, because you will want to see the features of your ex-boyfriend in your chosen one. A man will not be able to live up to expectations, and separation will not be long in coming, so nothing good will come from such a union.
- Don't lock yourself at home. Lack of contact with the outside world is the path to depression. You need to meet with friends more often, go to the cinema, roller skate. The more active your social life is, the easier it is to survive a difficult period.
- Do not forget that no matter how strong love is, it is not the last.
Don't expect quick results. Relief will come gradually. If there is no improvement, there is no need to hesitate. Psychologists will help you cope with your depressed mood and forget your ex-boyfriend forever.
“Does a man forget his first love?” - the ladies ask
The answer to the question determines whether crowds of women will rush in search of their first love. The solution to the riddle can be found in the previous discussions. But for those who want schemes and classifications, please let us divide men into three types:
"The Male and the Narcissus." This type of man does not remember anyone or anything because he is intoxicated by the present. He often changes sexual partners, and every month promises a new adventure. In such a busy schedule, it is difficult to remember your childhood and youth hobbies. The “Ordinary Guy” differs from the “Male” in that he does not have such a wide choice of partners and his sex life is not so rich and intense. The number of girls who gave him their body is rarely more than 10. This guy remembers his first love. But the specific conditions of existence are important, whether he is satisfied with his life, whether he loves his wife. “Shy boy” is on the other pole from “male”. Girls don't really like him, and he didn't have many of them. The likelihood that he suffers from his first love is increasing, but whether she thinks about him is a big question. Otherwise, the same factors apply as in the previous version.
There is no clear answer to the question of whether a man forgets his first love. It all depends on the individual man, his character, psyche and living conditions.
Why you shouldn't resurrect your relationship with your first love. Cinematic example
Eldar Ryazanov directed the film “Office Romance”. In it, the side storyline tells precisely about the insidiousness of the first serious feeling. But if you approach dispassionately, the viewer sees: Yu.G. Samokhvalov is the master of life. Recently arrived from Switzerland, he has a good job, a decent salary and an apartment. At O.P. Redhead's fate did not work out. She has everything like everyone else: a boring job, a husband and a child - a routine. This is not what she dreamed of when she was 20. And then he appears in a halo, if not of a winner, then of prosperity. Of course, an ordinary employee wants to come to him to get a taste of a different life. But he pushes her away because he hasn’t loved her for a long time and is used to something different.
As sad as it may be, this development of events is the pattern of almost all searches for the lost. First, a person idealizes something, then finds it, is disappointed and lives as he lived before. You can't get out of these script pincers.
B. Shaw said: “It is human nature to overestimate what he does not possess.”
The search for first love arises from the emptiness of life
If suddenly working with a person’s consciousness does not bring results, he is not inclined to analyze his life, and the longing for first love is based on the general blandness of life, then existence needs to be colored.
Do something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time (an interesting hobby) Go to the gym, get in shape. When a healthy spirit reigns in a healthy body, life will improve. Read something that I didn’t manage to do, but I’ve been wanting to for a long time. For example, books that everyone has heard about, but not everyone has read.
A sure-fire cure for blues and melancholy is to make your desires come true. If we take as a basis the thesis that the search for first love hides the thirst for happiness, then there is no need to wait for mercy from nature, to forge happiness on your own - that is the task of man!
Another win-win option is how to forget, or rather, not think about your first love - fall in love again. Fresh feelings will drive away sad memories of the past. True, this recipe is only suitable for single or young people. But for the latter, why be sad about your first love? Their lives change rapidly, like in a kaleidoscope: one love has left, another will come. Young people don’t even think about their love affairs. They line up on their own. Youth rightly believes that it still has not one or two happy events ahead. Only old age remembers and grieves, and when it comes, a person decides. The power of consciousness and thought is limitless. A person recognizes himself as old and lives with memories. If a person is young, then he lives not with memories, but with future plans. Youth and old age are a state of mind, not a state of body.
How not to remember the past
Getting thoughts of your ex-love out of your head is not an easy task. You will have to take all your will into your fist to achieve a positive outcome. Don't expect everything to work out quickly and the first time. The main thing is not to give up, then pleasant emotions will not keep you waiting.
Stop communication
Often, former lovers offer to remain friends after the relationship. They do not understand that such actions not only give a person hope for restoring relationships, but also torment him. To forget love, you need to stop contact with your ex-passion:
- You should not write to your beloved on social networks, instant messengers, or call on the phone for any reason.
- It is necessary to distance yourself as much as possible from the life of this person. You should not try to find out through your friends about the affairs and new relationships of your beloved passion.
- If friends mention your lover in a conversation, you need to let the information fall on deaf ears. If you have a trusting relationship with your friends, it is better to ask them not to raise such topics.
- If the former chosen one makes contact on his own, then you need to openly talk to him about it and explain that communication brings pain, so it is better to stop it.
READ
Abusive relationships: signs and consequences of domestic violence
The less your ex-love appears in your life, the faster peace will come.
Delete correspondence and photos
Having parted with a loved one, many people love to torment themselves with memories by looking through photographs and correspondence. You shouldn’t do this if you don’t want to be in constant mourning for a faded relationship.
The best way to forget your favorite passion is to get rid of everything that reminds you of her.
There is no need to hold on to the past. New photos will appear in place of old photos, and on social networks another person will wish you good morning. The faster you can get rid of old things, the sooner the doors will open for mutual feelings.
Don't meet
It is difficult to forget a person if you encounter him every day at work, at college or at a sports club. If possible, you need to minimize meetings with your ex-boyfriend as much as possible. You can do this in the following ways:
- You should not communicate with your lover without a good reason. If it is possible to avoid dialogue, then it is better to do so.
- In order not to cross paths again when moving around the building of a company or institute, you need to take other paths.
- If a guy or girl has a favorite vacation spot, you shouldn’t choose it for a hike with friends. It's better to choose another option for entertainment.
