What to do
After breaking up with a girl, this is the question that most worries a guy. Everything literally falls out of hand and you don’t want to do anything. All thoughts are about only one thing. And the more you think about your beloved, the more you suffer. Many guys don't know how to stop thinking about a girl and because of this they become depressed. Of course, finding a magical way that would work like amnesia is almost impossible, especially considering the fact that love lives not only in the head, but also in the heart. But you can still make some attempts to ease the difficult period.
How to let go of attachment to something? Don't even try, it's impossible. Attachment to things goes away on its own when you no longer try to find yourself in them (Eckhart Tolle).
Psychologists recommend making a specific plan for yourself and sticking to it for a while. This is necessary to fill the void that is left in the heart after a loved one. Let's look at the most popular ways to do this.
Why do you constantly think about a person?
Love
© Dean Drobot
Attraction can take completely different forms. We may be drawn to a certain person physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, or all three. And often the inability to understand what exactly attracts us to a person makes us think about him again and again.
Do you like him because he is attractive? Or maybe he is smart and charismatic?
You need to answer these and other questions to understand why you can't get him out of your head.
In addition, we are most often attracted to those who do not immediately reciprocate our feelings and whose conquest requires effort. And if the other person likes you, or the object of your attention behaves confidently and radiates happiness, this enhances our feelings.
If you like the person you're thinking about, it most likely means you're interested in him. When we fall in love, a number of chemical changes occur in our brain. Because of these changes, you constantly think about the object of your desires, feel nervous and excited in their presence.
Even if they don’t reciprocate your feelings, it’s hard to stop thinking about the person.
This man is a mystery to you
If you think about a person all the time, most likely he is an absolute mystery to you. In this case, you are not necessarily attracted to the person himself, but to the very desire to figure out what he is like.
Some people are more reserved and mysterious by nature, and if you're curious enough, it can literally drive you crazy thinking about that person.
The more you communicate, the more understandable this person will be to you, and the less obsessive thoughts will visit you.
Hurt Ego
It could simply be that the person hurt your feelings or made you feel like you have something to prove.
For example, your work colleague who is always ahead of you, relegating you to the background. Or the guy who rejected you and now you want to prove to him that he means nothing to you.
This is called the ego trap. But it's important to remember that what matters most is living life to the fullest, becoming a better person, and doing what you love.
Forget about what others think and ignore your ego's desire to prove something to someone. When it tells you that you need to prove who you really are, don't listen to it and do what really matters. You will be much happier when you listen to your heart instead of your ego.
Anger
It also happens that we think about a person not only because he offended us, but also because we are angry with him, but we do not have the opportunity to tell him about it.
If you feel so inclined, do it. Speak from your heart and let the person know that they hurt your feelings. If you accumulate anger within yourself, it may end in an explosion of emotions and cause even greater aggression on their part.
If you don't want to talk about it, let it go. Realize that the person hurt you and what could have caused it and move on. When you forgive someone, you release a prisoner - yourself.
Red Herring
Is there a lot going on in your life? If so, then thinking about one kiss with a person can be an easy way to take your mind off all the problems and hustle and bustle that exist in your life.
Sometimes thinking about another person is just a trap. We think about him because we don't want to think about ourselves or any aspect of our lives.
This person represents your ideal
© Jose Manuel Gelpi
Perhaps the person you had a fleeting connection with represents everything you want in a lover. Or maybe it was a person you've already had a crush on for a while, but didn't expect him to approach you. For example, he was higher than you in status or social position.
In all of these cases, you have placed this person on some kind of pedestal, and the relationship has not had time to develop to such an extent that you recognize all his shortcomings.
Most likely, this person represents something that you would like to have, such as money, success or self-confidence, but you feel like you don't have it and the opportunity has been missed. You should think about this.
The culmination of a painful topic
Most often, obsessive thoughts about a person arise when you look back at a relationship and realize that it never lasted, or that the person was unfree or cheated on you.
When this situation occurs repeatedly, it is a sign of a subconscious process.
Perhaps subconsciously you choose people who disappoint your expectations again and again. Now this has become especially painful for you because it has happened to you before.
The person reminds you of someone from the past
Let's imagine that you had a selfish father, or no father at all, or an alcoholic mother or aggressive parents. You would consciously want to avoid these types of people so as not to relive negative emotions again and again.
And suddenly you fall in love with just such a selfish, cruel, alcohol-addicted person.
Sigmund Freud once argued that we are attracted to experiences that are familiar to us because we subconsciously want to cope with that situation.
We think that if we can make a man like our father love us, we can make things better.
However, this strategy is risky because if something goes wrong, the pain we felt from the very beginning comes to the surface along with new grievances. This is one of the reasons why we sometimes cannot forget some people.
You are subconsciously experiencing disappointment or resentment
If you constantly check your ex's page to check on what's going on in their life, it's a sign that something is beyond your conscious control. This is especially true if you have blocked or unfriended him.
Your friends and family may be tired of hearing about him, but you still want to talk about this person. You've tried every means to get over him, but any broken heart takes time to heal.
It is important not to judge yourself harshly, because disappointment is very difficult to deal with alone.
What if you don't like the person
In some cases, we cannot stop thinking about a person because we don't like him.
This is often a family member or boss with whom we communicate frequently. Everything they don't do reminds us again and again of what makes us feel bad. The brain constantly replays details that bother us, leading to a vicious cycle of anxiety.
Such unpleasant thoughts can also be intrusive and cause a feeling of hopelessness.
Guilt
Remorse can ruin anyone's life. And, of course, if your significant other, before breaking up, made it clear that it was you who were to blame, the feeling of guilt will haunt you endlessly. And it is urgent to get rid of it. What happened cannot be returned; besides, in every conflict, as a rule, both are to blame. If you are thinking about how to stop thinking about a girl, and not about how to get her back, then you understand that this union has exhausted itself. And if this is so, then feeling guilty will no longer help you.
Don't try to compete with her
If you start competing with her, you have already lost. This way you will make her part of your relationship. You will give her power, and that doesn't work in a relationship. He is with you, not with her. Remember this.
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Replacing a partner
Many men believe that in order not to think about their ex, they just need to find new love. But most psychologists do not recommend using this method. Firstly, if you love a person, you will definitely compare others with him. So, with a 95% probability, new passions will lose to their ex. This will only make the man even more upset and freak out.
On the other hand, isolating yourself from any contact and remaining alone in such a situation is also not recommended. Chat with friends and acquaintances, have fun and relax. Keep a certain distance with girls. Perhaps there is a lady in your circle who will tell you an effective way to stop thinking about the girl you love.
You should enter into a new relationship only when you do not idealize your ex. When communicating with the fair sex, compare and analyze why you are so fixated on past relationships and what exactly is holding you back. After some time, you will notice that the girls around you are no worse than the one that has been in your head for so long. And then you can start flirting with them. A few fleeting romances will greatly boost your self-esteem and relieve sadness.
How to help a guy erase his ex from his memory
Before you try to help a guy forget his ex forever and start building a relationship with him, you need to carefully weigh your choice. Most likely, the new passion will be assigned the role of a “vest,” and the waiting time for him to return to normal will drag on for a long time.
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But if a girl is ready to fight for her happiness, then nothing is impossible. The main rule is not to force him and help him, because he himself must come to emotional freedom from past relationships.
You need to follow a few simple tips:
- Be yourself. There is no need to try to be like his ex or become her antipode. It is necessary to remain yourself in any situation so that the young man does not fall in love with a fictitious image.
- Don't remind me. In order for a man to quickly part with painful memories, all possible contacts with the previous young lady should be excluded. Songs, gifts, favorite places are strictly prohibited.
- Allow communication. If he wants to see her, then no prohibitions will stop him, but will only lead to the guy starting to lie. This does not mean that you need to calmly watch him run after her. You just need to calmly talk and understand what makes him behave this way.
- Don’t allow yourself to be made into a “vest”. Of course, you need to support your loved one in a difficult moment for him, but if he starts complaining about life, this should be stopped immediately. Otherwise, he will continue to see in his new girlfriend only a person to whom he can cry, but not a loved and desired woman.
- Wait. You may have to wait more than one week or month, but sooner or later the painful feeling of attachment will pass, and the man will be ready for a new relationship. It is important to be close and wrap him in care.
If, despite all his efforts, the young man has not forgotten his ex-girlfriend, who betrayed him, then it is worth taking a short break. It is needed to figure out what to do next with the current relationship and whether it has a future.
Divert attention
Switching to an exciting activity will help you cope with stress and stop thinking about the girl. No matter how hard it is, you should focus on work, study, or, for example, do something completely new and unusual. Let's say you've long dreamed of attending boxing classes, but you didn't have enough time. Now it's time to implement plans and say goodbye to the past.
After breaking up with a girl, it is very important not to give up your usual pleasures and joys. Allow yourself to be happy. For some men, going to the gym helps. The guy becomes more confident, and the relief on his stomach will attract the best and most beautiful girls on the planet into his life.
New life
Are you all suffering because you don't know how to stop thinking about the girl you broke up with? Then you need to turn this page in life once and for all. Clean your house, get rid of everything that might even slightly remind you of it. A little renovation wouldn't hurt either. Dramatic changes in life will definitely benefit a man.
You need to try to reduce all meetings and communication with your ex to zero. If you live, work or study nearby, then, of course, this will be much more difficult. In any case, do not visit places where she may end up. You should try to isolate yourself from communication with your ex at least for a while. Then you will stop thinking about her much faster.
Everything goes and it is also
This seemingly simple inscription on Solomon’s ring has helped more than one person cope with depression. Time is what can completely heal wounds. Of course, for some it flies by unnoticed, but for others it drags on like an eternity. The secret lies in what a person does and what he thinks about. Favorite activities and recreation go by as if they never happened. And if you are constantly tormented by the question of how to stop thinking about the girl you love, and look at one point, time stands still. Answer yourself honestly: do you really want to erase her from your life? Then go ahead, go for it, you will succeed.
Leave gloomy thoughts with the one who did not appreciate you. You have a whole life ahead of you, varied and interesting. And the more time you spend suffering about what cannot be changed, the less time you will have for more exciting things.
He told you that he didn't stop loving her
This is a very important matter. If he's openly saying that he's worried about his ex, it could mean a few different things. Obviously, he was just being honest, but some guys might use a recent breakup as an excuse to cheat on you.
It won't be easy, but you have to keep him at a distance. In the long run, this will show him that you have self-respect and are not a consolation prize.
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Unique techniques from experienced psychologists
Not everyone succeeds in coping with depression and independently finding the answer to the question of how to stop thinking about the girl they like. But only 10% of men turn to psychologists for help. If it is difficult for you to open up to a stranger, then you should learn about the techniques that psychologists most often use in their classes.
- Letter to an ex. In order to let a person go, you need to tell him everything you think and feel. Write a letter in which you state everything that you would like to tell her, but did not dare. If the breakup is your fault, don't forget to ask for forgiveness. This letter does not have to be sent. But by putting your thoughts and feelings on paper, you can easily get rid of them.
- Meditations. Do you still think that this is an inappropriate occupation for a man? Then you have to choose: either lie down and relax or continue to suffer. So, take a comfortable position. Imagine that you are standing in front of a large door. You open it and see new life. You are a successful person, strong and courageous. If during meditation the image of your ex pops up in your thoughts, make it colorless. Do you see how it has already turned into a transparent veil and seems to be disappearing? This is how it should be, soon this image will not come at all.
Such simple techniques really help guys get out of depression and return to normal life. But if you are wondering how to stop thinking about girls forever, you are haunted by obsessive thoughts and ideas, then it may make sense to contact an experienced psychologist. Various situations happen in life, and if banal advice helps one man, then you need to work with another only personally.
In any case, even with the help of a specialist, you won’t be able to get rid of thoughts about your ex right away. Therefore, always remember that it was just a girl who left you, but not love. The time will come, and you will experience this feeling again, but for a completely different person.
