For a woman who truly loves, her husband’s betrayal is a terrible tragedy. My friend, being a psychologist, handled such a situation masterfully and emerged victorious from the unpleasant situation. She saved the marriage, drove off her annoying mistress, and returned life with her husband to its previous course. Not many women are able to act as wisely; sometimes emotions overwhelm the mind. Therefore, we give them some advice.
Valuable advice from a virtual psychologist
We are not always able to get a consultation with a psychologist for a number of reasons, so we give some general advice on the website page:
- The main thing is to calm down. No matter how difficult it may be to think that your spouse has cheated, only a calm mind and common sense will help save the marriage. Use any means: meditation, yoga, physical exercise, just to avoid doing even more stupid things in the heat of the moment. There is no need to take revenge on either him or his mistress; there is no need to tell friends and relatives about his betrayal. The main thing is not to throw hysterics and scandals at your husband, this will not help, but will only push him away from you even further. What could be worse than a woman screaming and spewing curses?
- At the second stage, you must make sure that the fact of betrayal really happened. There have been many cases when “good” friends or acquaintances started gossip just to annoy you. Proof can only be first-hand confession or irrefutable facts. In this matter, you should not trust even your closest friends.
After you are convinced of his betrayal, and there is no other way to call it, you should talk frankly with him, you cannot do without it. Without raising the tone, it is worth finding out how far the relationship between the lovers has gone. Yes. It’s hard, but this is the only way you can make the right decision and help him and yourself. Here you can understand what your fault actually was and how to behave in the future.
If you make a mutual decision to maintain family ties, forget about scenes of jealousy. Now you are faced with a difficult task - to help him forget the homewrecker forever. Try to reconsider your entire life, behavior, attitude towards your spouse. No one is talking about breaking one’s own “I”, we are talking about adjusting behavior and some psycho-emotional attitudes.
Your husband will be able to forget his mistress if you forgive him and do not show your resentment. While you “sulk” and remain silent, he will constantly remember her and that’s it. What's connected with it? If your relationship is sincere, kind and easy, he will always be on your side.
It is necessary to switch all his attention to yourself, add new colors to the relationship, make him be surprised and admired. To do this, you should devote time and money to your own person. Change your hairstyle, outfits, makeup, try to change for the better, it will definitely “play” in your favor.
Attention! All your efforts may be in vain unless he intends to save the family.
Follow it step by step, gradually, take your time and don’t escalate the problem. If you feel that you can’t cope with the situation alone, consult a psychologist, but don’t run to your friends to cry, don’t look for solace in wine, don’t cry into your vest. In this case, you need concentration of will and the help of a professional.
What to do when a married man loves his mistress?
Love is the territory of only two people, so there are no women in the world who strive for serious relationships with married men.
In theory, everything is simple - a married man cannot be “the man of your dreams.” He is simply not considered as a potential partner.
But real human relationships are far from ideal. We do not always find out in time that a man is married (you can verify this by visiting almost any women’s forum).
The absence of a wedding ring has a calming effect, and when meeting someone, they rarely talk about an absent wife - after all, we get to know each other primarily as individuals, and not as possible spouses. And we are sincerely happy if interest and friendly relations move into a romantic stage.
But it often turns out that your prince is already married. And the woman begins to wonder what she should do and how to stop loving a married man.
Why are relationships with a married man usually futile?
If, having learned about the presence of a wife, you do not lose interest in him and decide to continue the relationship with this man (many do this, because love is blind, strong emotions prevent you from thinking rationally, and the question “why and why am I doing this?” does not arise) , a love triangle will inevitably form in which you are assigned the role of mistress.
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In some cases, the triangle quickly disintegrates, and the mistress acquires the status of a legal wife. But such cases are the exception rather than the rule.
What do dream books say about this?
Subconsciously, most women know this - it’s not without reason that the dream book, which focuses on folk experience, predicts that a married man dreams of trouble.
This is not surprising - women usually negatively perceive men who have mistresses. The dream book also foretells the emergence of feelings of guilt and tension. If a woman is interested in the meaning of dreams and believes in omens, she can break up with a married man in time. And if she is married, she will be able to pay attention to her marriage in time - the dream book interprets such a dream as dissatisfaction with marriage.
Although many modern women consider dream books to be an archaic relic, psychology and statistics in this case agree with them - Sigmund Freud used dreams for psychoanalysis, and even compiled his own dream book.
Statistics say that emerging love triangles:
- They often become “chronic” because all participants are unable to separate.
- Psychologically traumatizes all its participants, and the longer such a relationship drags on, the more severe the trauma inflicted.
A woman, having decided to have a relationship with a married man, usually does not take into account the psychological background of his behavior. Psychologists say that in most cases men with certain problems (complexes, etc.) take mistresses.
Despite the popular opinion about male polygamy, male psychology does not allow having a stable, warm and sensual relationship with his wife to have an affair on the side. Why do even men who are committed to married life sometimes have mistresses?
Why do men need a mistress?
A mistress appears in the life of a normal married man when problems arise in his family relationships.
Husbands are not inclined to analyze the causes of these problems and eliminate them (with the exception of his wife’s new lover). In most cases, when there are family troubles, a married man either goes to work or seeks understanding on the side. And then you appear on his horizon - not married, you yourself show interest in him, do not judge, do not ask “why?” and you understand everything as it should!
And the mutual understanding that has arisen between you (if there is none in his family) is the reason why a love affair arises, which a man may later regret. Very often in such cases, your lover begins to rush between you and his wife, to whom he is still attached.
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He begins to feel guilty. You can look for answers in dream books, guess, hope that he will go to you forever. And in the end, most likely, he will not be able to choose: with whom to maintain a relationship and with whom not.
A woman who enters into a relationship with a married man always expects to remain in his life forever, not as a mistress, but as a legal wife. But many men are quite happy with the status of a lover.
A married man needs another woman if:
- The wife often makes scandals, always demands something, but he wants an easy relationship without special responsibilities.
- Intimate life has become monotonous, but I don’t want to divide property and children because of this.
- He got married too early or too late; at the moment there are no special feelings for his wife, other women are of interest, but he is very attached to the child.
The spouse usually does not plan to leave the family, since the everyday side of the marriage suits him quite well. Often such men are interested in a bright and married woman, since she rarely wants to separate from her husband.
What does a love triangle promise for a mistress?
Psychology and statistics claim that at first, relationships that are not burdened by everyday life and decorated with romance (a married man is trying not only to please you, but also to compensate for the presence of a wife) suit the majority of women who fall in love with a married man.
The woman still believes that her lover is really going to separate from his wife and paints rosy pictures of a joint future in her imagination.
Over time, she realizes that if she becomes the only one, it will not be soon, she begins to look for a forum with similar stories, look into a dream book, or try to clarify the future by other methods. The dream book focuses on the external characteristics of the dreamed man, the forum recommends breaking up, and various predictions are vague.
At the same time, she still likes the man and does not have the strength to part with him. The woman herself no longer understands why she and her chosen one need this relationship, but “I love him” outweighs all arguments, and the dream book, which allows for different interpretations, gives false hope.
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Over time, interest gradually fades away and the relationship takes on a painful hue. The question of what to do with this relationship, how to stop loving a married man and how to break up with him, becomes especially acute at the later stage of the triangle’s existence.
The woman is worried why she allowed this to happen and why she didn’t stop in time. In some cases, self-esteem falls, and the woman herself no longer wants to do anything to break up with her lover.
Other men do not arouse interest, because in addition to a kind of dependence, the belief is formed that almost all men at least occasionally have mistresses. That is why, having fallen in love with a married man, it is better to immediately think about what to do to avoid the fate of his mistress.
If a married man interests you
Although the concept of “mistress” comes from the word “love,” society treats women with this status extremely unfavorably, but “lover” is perceived more adequately. As a result, you are forced to:
- To endure the pangs of jealousy and at the same time carefully hide them - being married, you can, in extreme cases, break the dishes, but he already has these joys of life “there”. And from you he seeks peace, sympathy and complete understanding.
- Never call or count on him for anything. If necessary, you can write an SMS, choosing neutral expressions, but no “I love you.”
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- Live in constant anticipation of his visit, i.e. regularly be on full alert and maintain his interest.
- Spend the holidays alone. Even if your lover is celebrating some event surrounded by colleagues, it is inconvenient for him to take you with him instead of his wife.
- Tolerate his lies.
- To put up with the fact that he has a child, therefore, in addition to remorse, you are also waiting for “I can’t do it today - my son has training, fever, parent-teacher meeting, etc.”
At the same time, you also want to have children, but a child from a married man either remains completely without a father, or his father is a visiting, “Sunday” one. Even if a woman thinks that she can tie her lover to her as a child and he leaves the family, at best she will simply turn into a secret wife.
The forum on this issue is replete with sad stories about believing in what one “loves” and about unfulfilled hopes, but it is even sadder when a child is involved in this difficult relationship. Therefore, if you decide to create a full-fledged family, it is better to break up with your loved one, but it is better if you do it yourself.
How to end a hopeless relationship with a married man?
Psychology claims that a person is not able to control love, but we are quite capable of preventing love from developing into a deep feeling.
If you realize that you like a married man, try to study all the nuances of the situation. The man who arouses your interest may well not live with his family (marriage exists only on paper). It is advisable to obtain information not from the man himself, but from uninterested persons (mutual friends, etc.).
If the marriage is formal, you can give free rein to your feelings and not even look at the dream book.
If there were no signs of “breakup” in the family before your arrival, and you do not want endless meetings with a lover who will never become a husband, you need to understand how to stop loving a married man and what you need to do for this.
Desirable:
- Take a time out from communication. During this time, you can meet a person who will be of interest to you and who will not be married.
- Imagine that you are married to him and what you will do in this case. In the process of courtship, a person shows his best side, but it is no coincidence that his family life is not ideal, because not only the wife is to blame for the current situation (often the mistress believes that only the wives themselves are to blame for the fact that men have mistresses).
- If your relationship has been going on for some time, you are most likely sure that he loves you, but for now he lives with her (there will always be an explanation for “why”). Your “I love you” does not allow you to look at the situation soberly, but it is simply necessary.
If divorce does not occur in the first months of a new romance, according to statistics it will never happen. In this case, it is the man who must decide who is more dear to him - his wife or his mistress.
If he really loves you, he will definitely decide to divorce. But for some reason he can’t make up his mind. So why waste your feelings and life on someone who doesn’t deserve it?
Why me?
In addition, to understand how to forget a married man, it is important to analyze your past. Not every woman loves a married man and agrees to be a mistress.
Psychology says that women with low self-esteem encounter married men quite often. Therefore, first of all, you need to increase your self-esteem, throw away the dream book and fortune telling cards, pay attention to yourself and surround yourself with new positive impressions.
Try looking at a forum on this topic - communicating with people in a similar situation will help you make the right decision and avoid men who have mistresses in the future.
Think about whether you can trust this man if he becomes your husband. After all, once he already decided to have a mistress, and for some men having mistresses is the norm.
Do not live in illusions - the sooner you are able to correctly assess the situation, the greater your chances of becoming happy. Without false hopes, interpretations of dream books, advice from friends and fortune tellers.
Author: Marina Nosova
A few women's secrets
There are several preventive measures that help to avoid the “left” adventures of your husband. These secrets will also help in situations where betrayal has already taken place.
- Involving the husband in family affairs and worries always serve as distractions from “bad” plans. Lessons and training with children, family holidays and walks, joint shopping, hikes and excursions - all these events only help to unite the family unit.
- If you find out about a relationship that your husband carefully hides, pretend that you have no idea about anything. After your transformation, he will quickly leave his mistress, confident that you know nothing about it. Men don't like to be exposed.
- Realize what you have dreamed about with him for many years: traveling, learning foreign languages, working out in the pool or gym. Go to restaurants, picnics, theaters, excursions more often, lead a rich and interesting life.
- Diversify your menu, remember through which internal organ the path to a man’s heart lies. Surprise him with new dishes, delicious homemade pastries, rearrange and update the interior. Make your home a real cozy family nest. It is unlikely that he will want to leave his warm home for a restaurant with his mistress, so he will forget her faster.
Main weapon10
First of all, in the fight for her beloved husband, a woman needs to pay attention to herself: analyze her behavior; think about what could push your husband to cheat; pay attention to your appearance. Even if a desperate lady decided not to forgive the traitor and simply take revenge, improving her appearance will only benefit her. Exercising, updating your wardrobe, hairstyles, nice makeup will noticeably transform your spouse and will attract the attention of your significant other.
You shouldn’t throw hysterics and scandals when you find out that a person dear to your heart is having fun with a rival from time to time. It is better to develop a specific plan of action, fill the house with comfort, warmth, and make communication with your husband more interesting and rich. Unexpected improvements in your sex life will help strengthen your relationship with your husband and turn him away from secret meetings with “a certain madam.”
Read our article about what a mistress should do so as not to provoke either her husband or her wife.
In war as in war
Use all methods in this “war”. Praise your husband and give him compliments, but don't overdo it. At the same time, use all your charm, appearance and artistry. You have been given the opportunity to play your best role in life. If the relationship with your lover has dragged on, try to find out as much as possible about her: what she is interested in, what she loves and what she can do. Find out about her strengths and weaknesses, this will help you “win back” your spouse and emerge victorious. Always remember that the truth is on your side. But never allow yourself to openly oppose her and do not succumb to provocative actions.
You can slightly denigrate her in the eyes of her husband, but carefully, as if gradually. If she previously had other connections and men from your environment, you can remind her of this. This tactic is extremely effective, but on condition that the husband does not know about your guesses.
Her husband's mistress deserves to fight a cold war. Remember, revenge is a dish that should be served cold. By putting her in an awkward position, and at the same time remaining cool and patient, you can gradually turn your husband against her. Their relationship will gradually begin to evaporate, and you will get a “lost” husband who will one day fall into your arms.
For believing wives, there is only one piece of advice left: visit church more often, pray and trust in God’s help.
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