Hatred towards a partner in a relationship: where does it come from from time to time?

Psychological aspect

To some, women’s hatred of men may seem incomprehensible and unnatural. Psychology provides a completely logical explanation for this phenomenon. It has historical and even genetic roots. With the exception of those cultures where matriarchy reigned, women have always been in the shadow of men. Her rights were oppressed in every possible way. Her lot was raising children and running a household. Despite the fact that women have had equal rights with men for quite a long period of time, genetic memory makes itself felt. Just as some men see themselves as in charge, some women see themselves as oppressed. This is the primary reason for hatred and confrontation between the sexes.

Look for the reason in the father

Women's hatred of men is often formed in childhood. As practice shows, girls who are lucky enough to have a good and caring father easily build relationships with the opposite sex. They have some inner feeling of security. Such women associate a man with love, care, and protection. Moreover, they do not perceive failures and disappointments so painfully, because they are sure that there are worthy men in the world who are like their fathers. “I hate men,” most often say women who have difficult family relationships. Perhaps from childhood they observed scandals, male cruelty, alcohol abuse and other troubles. Negative experiences also shape the father’s departure from the family. It would seem that all this happened in childhood and should not interfere with adult life. But it is at this age that a worldview is formed that determines relationships with others. The woman subconsciously begins to fear a repetition of the scenario.

Causes

Misogyny is not a congenital pathology; it is not inherited. Sometimes women do not understand why they feel antipathy towards men. There are those who clearly know the reasons for this phenomenon.

Childhood trauma

In dysfunctional families, husbands often humiliate and beat their wives. The child becomes an involuntary witness to conflicts. A girl who grows up in such a family projects the situation onto herself and her future.

Her father becomes the standard of male behavior for her. The only man in a girl’s life, who by the very fact of his existence should love the baby, always mocks her mother, sometimes at herself, or leaves the family. And now the child thinks that any man she has to live with will be the same. She prefers not to get involved with the opposite sex, internal antipathy grows and strengthens.

Violence

According to statistics, the number of men convicted of rape is 0.5% of the total number of offenses. Of these, 4-5% are called “random” or “street”. Such crimes are considered to be instigated by the victim. The victims report the incident to the police.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

It turns out that 95% of victims experience domestic violence. Such rapes are rarely reported. And if they report, the case does not always go to court. It often happens that after an incident a girl turns into a houseplant. If the victim still manages to come to her senses, then there is a high probability that she will become a supporter of misandry.

In countries professing Islam, violence against a woman is not considered a criminal offense at all.

Victims of violence are accused of provoking a man to rape. This concept is called victim blaming. On August 22, 2014, a note was published on the Progorod.ru forum about two young men accused of gang rape. The girl voluntarily came to visit one of the guys, drank with them, and then what happened happened. In the comments to the post, most users blamed the victim for the incident.

The very fact of rape, whether it is domestic or not, forever undermines the mental state of a woman. Girls subjected to victim blaming are acutely worried about what happened. A feeling of disgust and hatred towards men develops, because it was the male representative who became the cause of undermined psychological health.

Deception and betrayal

When the novel just begins, what is happening seems like a fairy tale. A man gives flowers, reads poetry in the rain, love is born and a family is created. Everyday life breaks the idyll in a couple. There is a separation. Painfully experiencing a breakup, the girl becomes withdrawn towards men. It seems to her that any man who appears again in life will also leave her.

50% of marriages break up in the first year of marriage. Families struggle with pregnancy. Abandoned women perceive what happened even more acutely.

In the US state of Michigan, a boy was killed by his own mother. During the interrogation, the woman was asked why she got rid of the child so cruelly. She justified it this way: “He was born a boy, and I hate men.”

Fashion

Feminism has been a buzzword lately. More and more women want to be involved in this movement. However, they do not fully understand what this status means. They just like to be independent. The consequence of such misunderstanding is misandry.

Mila Levchuk, a guru of family relationships, author of the lecture “How to become a plus woman,” has become a controversial person on the Internet. In her lessons, she says that a woman’s true destiny is to be a man’s inspiration, his muse. She believes that a man who is not able to satisfy all women’s whims is not worthy of the title “real”.

Under the influence of such words, girls divorced their “unworthy” husbands en masse. They walked towards a bright future, confident that there they would definitely meet a “real man.” Women remained alone for a long time and blamed men for everything - their ex-husbands, who did not live up to their expectations.

In popular social networks (Instagram, Vkontakte), debates about the harassment of women do not stop. Pregnant women are not given a seat in transport, the government does not offer benefits and various privileges to mothers, women with small children or of childbearing age are hardly hired. And men are to blame for everything.

If in the portrait of such a mother lies a woman abandoned by her father, and subsequently by her husband, this explosive mixture is concentrated misandry. A girl who has experienced so much humiliation and pain from a man is sure that there is no reason to love the stronger sex, they need to be destroyed and hated.

Someone else's experience

Hatred of men is often biased. Women have a bad habit of trying on other people's experiences. During the gatherings, the “bitter female lot” is discussed in detail. Having heard a lot from friends, colleagues, relatives and just strangers about betrayal, bullying, deception, girls cultivate a sense of confidence that all men are the same. “If everyone faces difficulties, then why am I better?” This is a huge misconception.

Yes, people love to talk about problems. But this does not mean that they are all unhappy in their family life. Probably, it is customary to remain silent about happiness, not because it does not exist, but because women are afraid to jinx it. In addition, the fate of each person is unique and inimitable.

Need some advice? Write your story Hello. I decided to contact you because I don’t know what to do anymore. I asked for help from various people I knew. I got the feeling that no one really cared about my problems. That they are not worth a single drop of their precious attention, although the problem, in my opinion, is extremely serious. By the way, when people talk to me, I feel that they consider me a painted fool. Yes, I’m blonde, but that’s not a reason to classify me in advance as weak-minded, is it? I'm a third-year law student at university and I don't consider myself stupid. I graduated from school with honors and a gold medal. We can talk a lot about the events that happened to me during my school and adult life, however, I would like to return to the present. I am haunted by an incident that happened to me six months ago. I had a boyfriend before that time. His name is Dima, now he left me and is in a relationship with my classmate. However, it doesn't matter. One day I was returning from university. I left class at about six o'clock and, on the way home, I met an old friend of mine, whom I had known since childhood. She hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and we went to her house. I was very happy to see her after several years of separation. Just imagine, she was my best friend, and she was taken to Moscow to study. For some reason she didn't communicate with me. I thought that I was somehow to blame for her. But, realizing that I didn’t say anything bad to her, I decided that she just found herself another girlfriend, communicates with her and she doesn’t care about me. I was very offended by her. True, when we met, I forgot all this. We drank tea and cakes at her place and had a nice conversation. She said that she had completed four courses of study by correspondence and was leaving back in a few days, but wanted to meet with me. I was very pleased. We looked at old photos, remembered our past life, and my mood lifted greatly (Dima left me that day, I felt deeply lost and worthless!). We said goodbye tenderly and I went home. I went by bus, but it stalled on the way, and, as it turned out, unfortunately, I had to walk. In general, I’m not the ugliest girl. I had a wonderful figure then. And I was attacked when I decided to walk down the alley. They took my purse: there was a record book and other personal belongings, including a passport and a mobile phone. I was without heels, so I ran after the thief. I wasn't scared. I just wanted to take my personal belongings back. But, as it turned out, that thief had an accomplice. He caught me at the exit of the alley and punched me in the face. He threw me to the ground and wanted to rape me. I tried to fight back, but it didn't help. I don't know how I managed to escape from him. I ran out of the alley closer to the light and people so that he wouldn’t chase me. He only managed to tear my clothes. I returned home, my keys, thank God, were in my pocket. I called the police and reported the theft. A week later the thief was found and my things were returned to me. But I replayed that very day in my mind. Here I had this very turning point in my consciousness. The fact is that I developed a complete dislike for men. Either I’m paranoid or I’m very impressionable, although I consider myself not weak and easily suggestible, but I didn’t even want and still don’t want to communicate with guys. Everyone, it seemed to me, wanted to encroach on my virginity. Every touch gave me an uneasy feeling. Then, I remembered my friend, who carried our friendship through several years and kept it intact. Every day since then I asked myself the question “Maybe this is what love should be?” Yes, you understand me correctly. I'm faced with the problem of choosing an orientation. There was some kind of shift in me and guys suddenly became uninteresting to me. But I began to pay attention to the girls. I began to like their conversations, bodies, breasts, femininity. I let myself go from then on. There is a feeling in my soul that no one needs me and there is no one to try for. I have gained more than 7 kilograms of weight and the excess is visible in some places. I even had to partially change my wardrobe. True, since January I began to feel that I wanted to please some girl, that I wanted beautiful and pure love from her. This is where I want to ask you for advice. Should I continue to follow my heart, or overcome my fear of guys and return to the life I had before, following the canons of society about the inviolability of foundations. Thank you in advance, Victoria Mironova Rate:

Victoria Mironova, age: 21 / 02/21/2012
Responses:
Good afternoon Vika, there are two options: 1) either you were a closet lesbian, then you are unlikely to change anything, 2) or you are simply afraid of guys, relationships with them, in including sexual ones. In the second case, it is better for you to consult a psychologist, since you have experienced violence against yourself, and for sure, a change in orientation is not the only consequence of this. I sincerely wish you to sort out the situation.

Oleg, age: 22 / 02/22/2012

Victoria, the sad thing about your story is that homosexual relationships seem to you to be the norm, and not a perversion. Think about it: would there be life on Earth if homosexuality prevailed? Homosexuality is not a form of life, it is the existence of carefree dependents for the sake of obtaining perverted pleasure. Why existence? And what kind of life can same-sex individuals of homo sapiens reproduce? Yes, none. You were born a woman, so realize yourself as a woman: a wife and mother, and not a sexual partner with an imaginary half. Do not look for easy paths with pleasures in life - this is the path to nowhere, to death. The fact that breaking up with your boyfriend and the violence you experienced on the same day could have caused you a physical and mental aversion to men is a fact confirmed in psychology. But this does not mean that that turning point in consciousness, as you write, is not a disease, or is self-medication of the experience. It can serve as an excuse for you in front of people. Why don’t you turn to a psychologist, but only to your friends? Victoria, only a good Orthodox psychologist can help you. Contact the church, they will help you. From time immemorial, the Orthodox Church has been our spiritual healer, what you see in the church during the service is just the tip of the iceberg. Here on the sites “Perezhit.ru” there are also good psychologists, including priests, contact them. God bless you.

Vladimir, age: 39 / 02/23/2012

Dear Vika, have you consulted a psychologist? Be sure to do this! After all, your reaction today is of a defensive nature. You were greatly frightened by a man, and you naturally put a barrier to a relationship with them. This is post-traumatic syndrome. The situation with the robbery and attempted rape should be examined together with a psychologist or psychotherapist. You didn't have any rehabilitation at all! Do this now, and then everything will become clear by itself, who you need, so to speak.

Laura, age: 30 / 02/23/2012

And also, if possible, “following up” on my previous message. Vika, the fact that other people don’t understand you only means that you approached the wrong people. I don't mean that these people are bad or stupid or that they don't care about you. It’s just that in your situation you need to turn to professionals (a psychologist or psychotherapist). Don't associate these doctors with something terrible, terrible. Now there are good private clinics where highly qualified doctors provide consultations. And they will help you there. By the way, sudden weight gain, as well as sudden weight loss (anorexia) is also a syndrome of problems with nerves.

Laura is also smart and also blonde))), age: 30 / 02/23/2012

After reading your story, you are surprised how easily we can get out of the water and into the fire. Just because you met a scoundrel on the way, you should not reject everything given to you from above. The opportunity to become someone's wife, mother. Don’t ruin your worldview, don’t hurt yourself, read on this site about the causes of homosexuality. This is a denial of one’s own nature, a distortion of nature, insubordination, if you like. You had to pass this exam (attack), but somehow you refuse to take it. Are boys bad, girls are good? Upon closer examination, we are all good when we sleep with our teeth against the wall. Therefore, Victoria, you are thinking in the wrong direction and in the wrong direction, this direction of your thoughts will do much worse things to you than your attacker. Beware.

Irina, age: 42 / 02/24/2012

Hello, Vika. After reading your story I couldn’t remain indifferent. Look at your problem from the outside, so if you heard this story from your fellow students, that this happened to someone, but not to you. You sit and listen, yes, this is, to put it mildly, not a pleasant story, I feel sorry for the girl, but you can survive this? You are a strong person, and a strong person always struggles with circumstances, do you agree with me? Look at your ex-boyfriend, is he good, is he ideal, does he have any flaws? Look closely and you'll find a bunch. Maybe he is to blame for your breakup, or maybe you are too, or are you not on the right path in this life? The point is not this, is it worth it to leave the correct, healthy human position, succumb and find solace in deception as a weak and weak-willed person? Is he worth it? Was it a man who robbed you in an alley or a weak person who only learned to take from those who are physically superior? Is it worth it to become like him and look for easy ways in this life? What do you think? Is that abomination that tried to rape you worthy of being called a man? No. Only the weakest and most fallen are capable of this. Taking a girl by force is like plunging a knife into your mother's chest. Sorry for the harsh comparison, but nothing else comes to mind. Vika, you are a strong person, do not allow yourself to stand on a par with these bandits. Don’t let yourself be deceived; how can unnatural relationships be called pure love? Realize yourself as a woman, because you are not stupid and not bad-looking, you deserve a real man in this life, do not lose faith that you will meet him, because in fact there are many of them. I wish you happiness and I’m sure you know how to achieve it)

Nikodim, age: 21/26/02/2012

I think you have no one to talk to now - you used to trust everything to a guy who had gone somewhere else, and to a now distant friend... and now there is no one to tell all this... Strangers at the institute where you study judge you by your appearance (You wrote about the attitude towards the “blonde”) and it is hardly possible to build friendship with them. But here’s the thing—you, probably. monogamous Find yourself a trusted friend, tell him or her everything. This is right. When your friend encouraged, it became easier. But then - what happened? He asked for a closer relationship, and the relationship fell apart?.. If so, then isn’t it now that your actions are kind of proactive - you’re trying to find a new trusted friend to whom you could tell everything, but immediately through sex? That is, give the first girl you meet something that will connect you - kisses, hugs, in order to reach the same level of relationship with her that you had with the first guy (who is now with another)? Think - maybe you need a friend who is close in spirit? Who can you tell everything to? As for this terrible incident, I can say that I understand you. Because I had a similar story, but no one around me said a word of encouragement. The girls I talked to seemed suspiciously easy about such disgusting behavior; after telling them once, I realized that this was not something worth sharing with them - they weren’t even worried. Men are generally a sad story. For example, after reading Vladimir’s message below, I thought, why is he giving such advice here? What he wrote simply shows the attitude of many “unfriends” with whom you are simply forbidden to communicate! (Quote from his answer: “a turning point in consciousness... It can serve as an excuse for you in front of people.” What excuse? Are you to blame for what happened? In no case - No!!!) And as for the inviolability of foundations - that’s all, really in fact, the right things, lived through the experience of other people. Lesbian relationships are more likely to lead to complete disappointment than a regular family. All the advantages of a lesbian relationship, I think, are strong friendships, but you can find a girlfriend. Although you need to search a little... Please live more carefully. The most important thing is that you have close people who can help you get through this. If you suddenly feel sad, write to me.

Tanya, age: 25 / 02/26/2012

Sorry, I’m clarifying my statement to Victoria in response to the remark in Tanya’s response 25. Victoria’s phrase “... I had this very change in consciousness” could, in my opinion, be used by her to justify her homosexual inclinations to others. No more. Of course, I could be wrong, but not in my attitude towards homosexuality, and I conveyed it accurately. And I apologize to Victoria for the rudeness of my statement.

Vladimir, age: 39 / 02/27/2012

You are simply afraid that you will be abandoned. Do not be afraid.

Lulu, age: 25 / 03/03/2012

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Own negative experience

It happens that you come across a rotten apple or an expired chocolate bar, and you experience hostility and disgust for this product for a long time. Sometimes hatred of men is formed according to the same principle. Young girls and quite mature women often fall in love with the “wrong” men. Having received a negative experience, they begin to hate other males. Unfortunately, this is a fairly common phenomenon, from which not only the ladies themselves suffer, but also their gentlemen, who receive a negative answer.

High expectations

A woman says she hates men because they don't live up to her expectations. Perhaps, from adolescence, the fair half of humanity develops a certain idea of an ideal life partner. Sometimes this is a collective image that consists of heroes of novels and TV series, celebrities and businessmen. Trying the given parameters on others, you find out that there are no ideal ones. As a result, disappointment and hatred gradually mature in a woman - a bad feeling that does not allow her to live normally and enjoy a romantic relationship.

From love to hate one step…

If a woman has never had any prejudices, prejudices and fears towards men, this does not mean that relationships with the opposite sex will develop smoothly. It’s not for nothing that they say that from love to hate there is only one step. Even the strongest relationships can crack, and a woman may develop a feeling of hatred towards the person who was her most beloved yesterday. The reasons for this may be the following:

A man's denial of female dignity. This can manifest itself in numerous infidelities that a man does not even try to hide. Another humiliating situation is comparison with previous partners. Having heard that the ex was better in bed, in the kitchen, and even outwardly won, not a single lady will be able to maintain tender feelings for her husband.
Physical and mental violence. At the stage of courtship and building relationships, men are usually gallant and caring. Nevertheless, as people begin to build a common life and get used to each other, a person can show himself completely differently. So, if during domestic quarrels a man begins to use force to prove that he is right, it is difficult to maintain love for him. Also, manifestations of rudeness and aggression can migrate into intimate life.
If a man attaches too much importance to other people's opinions, this will soon negatively affect the relationship. If he consults in everything with friends, colleagues, relatives, and not with his wife, this will certainly become a reason for hostility.
The phrase “I hate you” is often said to their husbands by those women whom they are trying to force into rigid boundaries. If a representative of the stronger sex forces his wife to dress, talk, and behave in such a way that her friends or relatives will like her, this is already an unhealthy relationship. The woman will either lose her individuality or begin to accumulate anger towards her husband.
Fortunately, there are quite a lot of such examples when a man retains all his positive qualities during family life. But here, too, there can be a place for hatred on the part of a woman. The reason most often is new love or a man you like. Then all the virtues of the spouse begin to literally irritate. In this case, you need to give yourself time. Either the new feelings will dissipate and everything will return to its place, or the only way out will be separation.
Excessive workload is another reason to treat your spouse negatively. Cooking, cleaning, caring for children, dacha chores - all this and much more falls on women’s shoulders. It does not matter whether the woman works or the role of breadwinner lies with the husband. Without a single minute of free time to spend on herself, the woman begins to quietly hate her husband, who refuses to take on even a small part of the household chores.

Reasons why a wife hates her husband

Hatred is a destructive feeling that arises from a long negative emotional background caused by a specific person, his actions, in this case, the husband.

The most common causes:

Assault . A huge number of women suffer domestic violence, unable to get a divorce (fear of a man’s anger, lack of their own housing, a decent salary, fear of being left alone, depriving children of their father, condemnation of relatives and friends). Many guys, having raised their hand to their spouse in the evening, lie on their feet in the morning, begging for an apology, promising that this will never happen again. Wives believe and forgive, but in vain. The first time will be followed by a third and a fifth. Statistics say that sooner or later the lion's share of cases ends in tragedy - the murder of a wife or husband, injuries leading to loss of ability to work, childhood pathologies due to nervousness (enuresis, neurosis, stuttering, tics).
Moral violence. It occurs more often than physical, being no less destructive. Systematic insults, gaslighting, abuse, biased criticism, and offensive nagging can undermine self-esteem and cause neurotic conditions, the onset of depression, and psychosomatic illnesses. A psychological sadist will certainly find a reason to “get” the victim, bring out the emotions he needs, and try to please is useless. Over time, the girl begins to hate her tormentor, wanting to get rid of eternal moral oppression.
Drug addiction, alcoholism. Dependent men evoke a mixture of pity and disgust. It’s hard to live with a person you can’t rely on, who is ready at any moment to “forget” work, children, responsibilities, who takes money and valuables out of the house to exchange for a bottle, a dose. Pumping after a binge, health problems, searches at the police, morgues, “resolving” the consequences of fights cause irritation in the wife, replaced by hatred. Who likes to spend years fighting other people's vices, but a responsible woman is afraid to leave him (the man will disappear completely).
New love. Having fallen in love with another, the wife begins to experience irritation and hatred of her husband. You stop liking your chosen one’s appearance, smell, timbre of voice, and habits begin to infuriate you. Attempts to win over the spouse run into a wall; inaction is perceived as disregard and indifference. Whatever the legal partner does is perceived negatively and aggressively.
Different people. Having been married for 5 or 10 years, unjustified expectations and alienation suddenly appear. There are few common interests; the remaining points of contact are reduced to shopping, repairs, raising children, and household chores. A woman begins to feel disappointment, loneliness, lack of demand for women, the disappearance of warm romantic feelings, dissatisfaction. Gradually, disappointment gives way to hatred for the person on whom hopes were pinned, “the best years of my life” were spent.
Symbiotic union. The woman in the couple regularly plays the role of provider, donor (of attention, empathy, finances, care), without receiving feedback or return. At a certain moment, its resource ends, but the gap does not occur. The man can no longer get what he needs, he moves away, she harbors a grudge (she gave him her strength, her youth, she worked three jobs with a horse).
Infantility of a man. At the beginning, he seems like an attractive candidate - soft, compliant, easily handing over the reins of the house to his wife. After a few years, the wife gets tired of having a big child, the weight of undivided responsibility, and begins to dream of a strong man’s shoulder, a broad back, the opportunity to be a girl and not a “decider.”
Masculinity . He knows how to earn money, his hands are in place, he adores children, but he allows harsh words addressed to his finely organized, reverent friend in life, who perceives remarks as rudeness. The explanations do not resonate (why did I say that?), man Fr. The absence of tender words, warm hugs, intimate selfishness strengthens the picture. Negativity accumulates, her feminine, sensual nature is not realized, while with her mind she tries to find the positives (does not hit, does not go out, does not drink, vacations, a car, a house, children with her own father). As a result, pain and misunderstanding are transformed into hatred.

Be sure to read:

How to live with an alcoholic husband: 3 effective tips for a woman

Living in a state of chronic stress and experiencing negative emotions is harmful. It is necessary to understand how objective the reasons for the destructive feeling are.

If it is caused by serious reasons that threaten the life, mental health of a woman or her children, it is better to separate, without entertaining the illusion of possible changes: a domestic tyrant will never turn into a caring, sensitive, attentive spouse; it is impossible to force a drug addict to undergo treatment by force. Other situations can be corrected.

My friend's is better...

A woman’s hatred of a man is not always caused by objective factors. Some ladies have a bad habit of comparing themselves with their friends, neighbors, and relatives. Naturally, men are the first to be hit. Your husband is not so handsome, not so rich, not so skilled, and simply not like others. This is what makes women hate their spouse. Although this is stupid, this is female psychology.

I hate my husband - what should I do?

Most romantic films and books about love end with a wedding. But, as practice shows, in real life, after marriage, a completely new period begins with its own subtleties and difficulties. Quite suddenly, a woman may admit to herself: “I hate my husband.” What to do? Psychologists give the following recommendations:

First you need to calm down and carefully analyze the situation. You have to understand, is hatred a feeling or an emotion? It is quite possible that this is some kind of cloudiness caused by a strong quarrel or misdeed of the spouse. Rest, relax, and everything will pass. If hatred runs like a red thread through your relationship and has no specific reason, most likely the union cannot be saved.
Imagine that tomorrow you will get divorced and continue your life without your spouse. Moreover, you will never see him again. How do you like this prospect? If you feel fear, melancholy and even panic, urgently make peace with your husband and try to find a way out of the situation together. If such fantasies bring you peace and relief, then your union has outlived its usefulness.
Learn to forgive. Hatred is a bad feeling that destroys a person from the inside. Think about whether your spouse’s misdeeds are so serious that you should be angry with him? Divide a piece of paper into two parts and write down all the faults and good deeds of your lover. Perhaps the positive qualities will outweigh.
Don't look for flaws in your spouse. Pay attention only to his positive qualities (namely, what made you love him). If there are negative traits that you cannot come to terms with, try to solve the problem together rather than reproach your lover.
Learn to discuss problems. The longer you remain silent, the more resentment and hatred will accumulate in your soul. In this case, the dialogue should be conducted gently, giving the spouse the opportunity to express his point of view. If you take this practice as a rule, then you will forget about family scandals, because all disagreements will be resolved through constructive dialogue.
Do not hurry. If you give in to a momentary impulse, you can make an irreparable mistake. It is better to give each other a little time for reconciliation than to regret a premature break in the relationship.

And really, what to do?

Hatred and resentment hurt you, first of all. What does a careless dad care about this suffering? It flutters on like a butterfly, lightly. He is now a single guy, free.

And women are not ignored. While your ex is just cheating on you, it’s sickening, but still tolerable. But it makes your cheekbones tingle with hatred if you suddenly find out that he has “true love.” That he got married and lives happily ever after. He also gave birth to new children, is raising them now, and has become an exemplary father. What about your children, aren’t they people, kittens?! Don't they need a father?

For the time being, thoughts of delayed heavenly punishment still warm us - everyone knows that you cannot build your own happiness on someone else’s misfortune. But the years go by, and retribution lags behind. And the hatred in my soul grows and grows. With hatred in your soul it’s bad, unbearably sickening. And it’s unclear what to do with it...

I hate my ex-husband: what to do with the hatred?

It’s not for nothing that this joke is circulating on the Internet:

- I hate my husband, what should I do?

—Vividly imagine your husband and write on a piece of paper all the most vile and disgusting things about him. Then burn it and bury it in the ground.

- Ok, what should I do with the piece of paper?

In fact, this is a clear illustration of what results from useless attempts to “meditate on calmness,” to convince yourself that burning a list of someone’s sins will help you find happiness, and similar nonsense. Hatred doesn't go away from this. But it doesn’t work because there isn’t even a clear explanation of what hatred is in general.

Hatred is not just some bubbling “witch’s cauldron” that spews poison. Hatred is emptiness, unsatisfied desire.

What desire is meant in this case? The most natural, completely feminine and holy desire to receive from a man everything that is due by nature. Security, safety and material support for starters. And then much more - care and love, understanding and like-mindedness...

I hate my husband: what lies behind this?

It is very easy to see that behind hatred are our own unsatisfied desires.

Imagine that great happiness suddenly came knocking on your life - you met the man of your dreams: smart, kind, strong, wealthy, promising. Tender and passionate. He dotes on you, blows away specks of dust from you. He accepted your children as family; he can be trusted to raise them without fear or reproach. This man gave you a cozy, beautiful home and filled it like a cup of abundance. And the mantelpiece is decorated with a photo of your loved one putting the treasured ring on your finger. And this time it’s not a temporary “sham.” You know for sure that behind this is the real intention of a person to love and take care of you all his life until his last day...

And now, attention, a question: in a state of such happiness, can you say with all your heart: “I hate my ex-husband! I will never forgive him! I hate his new wife and I hate my husband’s children who were born from her. May they all go to hell!”?

Yes, not a single happy woman can utter words of hatred. On the contrary, she will also thank the unlucky rogue for leaving on time and clearing the way for her to real happiness. Otherwise I would have lived for a century and not even known that such crazy happiness even exists on earth.

Conclusion: it is better to look for the answer to the right question. Instead - I hate my husband, what should I do - we need to solve the real problem that lies here. Why is this even happening to me, why did my ex do this to me? Why am I alone and have to answer for everything myself? Why can’t I meet a worthy person who will become my support in life?

Is it worth living in an atmosphere of tension and hatred?

If you have ever told your man: “I hate you!” - this is not just a release of emotions. This means that this feeling has been living in you for a long time. This is evidence of a relationship crisis, from which it is not always possible to find a way out. As a rule, in such situations, spouses try to give their relationship a second life, breathing more romance into it. As a rule, these are joint romantic trips, trips to restaurants and other pleasant things that you can do together. But, unfortunately, resentment and hatred towards the man persists, despite all efforts. At this moment, you need to answer the question of whether it is worth continuing to live in an atmosphere of tension and hatred. Think about the motives that make you continue to try to maintain such a relationship? Children, money, a comfortable life, habit - all these factors are not worth spending your life on such a union? Perhaps separation will be the only way out that will bring you peace and give you a chance for personal happiness.

A bit of female experience

How often do women say the word “hate”? Former, present and completely strangers men. Representatives of the fair sex explain their dislike for the opposite sex as follows:

the man opens his arms, not embarrassed by the presence of children;
the husband brings the woman to hysterics and nervous breakdowns when they are alone, but in public he tries to seem like an ideal family man;
the husband does not respect women’s work (lying on the sofa in front of the TV while the wife is knocked down trying to keep the house in order);
if, despite the many concessions that the wife makes to her spouse, he continues to be a tyrant, you need to leave him without fear of becoming a single mother;
a man humiliates a woman based on her gender, considering her an inferior being;
a man blames his wife for all his failures and shortcomings;
he doesn’t do anything in the house (he doesn’t care about repairs, old plumbing, broken sockets);
the man speculates on the financial issue and the fact that the woman is financially dependent on him;
he cheats without even trying to hide it (moreover, love affairs are considered a source of pride);
after entering into family life, a man ceases to treat a woman with the former trepidation and respect, does not give her gifts, does not take her out into the world, does not pay attention;
shows cruelty towards children.

Love and hate in relationships 18+

Former lovers become strangers to each other.

5 negative character traits: how to deal with them?

We are all wonderful people, or at least we think so. But there is always something that poisons life, both for us and for our loved ones. Certain character traits sometimes interfere with our lives, cause misunderstandings with others and, in general, can play a cruel joke. What are these features?

Anna Zaitseva

In every relationship between a man and a woman, conflicts and quarrels occur. The parties, who recently lived in complete mutual understanding and trust, begin to literally hate each other. Most conversations between separated partners end in mutual reproaches and complaints. As a rule, after some time, tired of negative emotions and feelings, they begin to communicate with each other less often.

Psychologist
Anetta Orlova warns that everything about relationships can be understood by body language - gestures!.. Watch the video!

Let go in peace

The described situation worsens in cases where one of the participants in the relationship refuses to accept the fact of separation and persistently tries to return the past in various ways. Unsuccessful attempts to keep a loved one lead to a deplorable situation and a depressive state.

A man and a woman begin to get irritated at the sight of each other, and each of them finds mention of their ex-partner unpleasant. The parties begin to avoid meetings because what happened causes negative and painful emotions. This is how close people become complete strangers to each other.

Analyze the situation

As a rule, partners begin to move away from each other when mutual understanding, respect, spiritual and physical intimacy disappear from the relationship. The root cause of most separations and divorces is accumulated mutual grievances, insults and dissatisfaction with the partner’s behavior in general. Ignoring the brewing conflict leads to a sad outcome in advance.

This is why it is important to learn to control your own emotional state. Hot temper, mood swings, touchiness, anger and other emotions destructive to relationships need to be noticed in a timely manner.

Analyze errors

You need to be able to evaluate your own actions towards your loved one. You should think about how often, due to the fault of one of the partners, promises are not fulfilled, needs are ignored, and the hopes and expectations of the other person are not met. It is important to develop the ability to forgive a loved one, understand the motives of his actions, and put up with imperfections in the character of another person.

Each person is unique and reacts to events in their own way. Some people silently worry for a long time because of an accidental offensive statement, others react with a caustic remark in response, and still others remain externally and internally unperturbed.

Talk about feelings

It is useful to introduce such a habit as frank conversations into relationships. It is recommended to establish a rule that a man and a woman can express their thoughts and feelings, but the dialogue should be constructive, without provoking new grievances.

As a rule, compared to women, men are not characterized by violent expression of emotions, clarification of relationships and expression of their feelings. Therefore, it is necessary to start such a conversation at the most appropriate moment, when both partners are inclined towards it. This habit will allow you to promptly notice problems in relationships, anticipate potential disagreements, and teach you to better feel and understand your loved one.

How to forgive your ex and stop hating him

How to get rid of hatred towards men? If this feeling is caused by resentment against your ex, you need, as one well-known song says, “forgive and let go.” On the way to this goal you will have to take the following steps:

Understand the reasons for your hatred. If you're having a hard time, put your grievances against your ex in writing. Add to each point by describing your feelings. This will help throw out negative emotions and ease your state of mind.
Remember what expectations and dreams you had with your ex. Have they all come true? Mentally thank him for everything that has come true. And make those desires that remain unfulfilled the goal of a further fulfilling life.
Try to understand his motivation. Put yourself in your ex's shoes and mentally replay in your head all the critical moments of your relationship. It is quite possible that you will not find excuses for his behavior, but at least partially you will be able to understand.
Forgive yourself. Your hatred of your ex is not only resentment for unjustified expectations, but also the fear of repeating the scenario. Forgive yourself for this weakness and allow yourself to live a new free life.
Check yourself. Imagine that you met your ex on the street or in the company of friends. Will you be able to talk to him as if there were no grudges or hatred? If yes, then you are ready for a new life full of bright sensations and romantic feelings.
When things calm down, be sure to talk to your ex. Tell him about all the experiences that haunted you during your life together and after breaking up. Ask him for the same frankness. Perhaps this conversation will be a good lesson for both of you, which will save you from mistakes in future relationships.
Conduct a final self-analysis. Perhaps you have experienced conflict situations similar to those that arose with your ex before. Let this become science for you for the future. Never repeat previous mistakes or allow similar scenarios to happen again.

Hatred towards your husband - how to live? 6 steps to change

Calm down and engage in introspection and analysis of your feelings. It could only seem to you that you feel hatred and disgust for your husband. In fact, it may be natural chronic fatigue, moral overstrain. In this case, a vacation or vacation somewhere by the sea will help you.
Try to imagine your life without your husband. This will help you understand whether you really hate him so much or maybe all this is just accumulated anger and resentment. Close your eyes and imagine that from now on you will never see him again in your life. Then analyze your feelings and draw the right conclusions for yourself.
Learn to forgive and understand. Most women are so critical and strict towards their husbands that they cannot understand and forgive them even minor shortcomings and mistakes, without noticing their merits. But is this right? We are not all perfect!
Talk to your husband about your problems. If a woman lives with the feeling “I hate my husband,” but does nothing, does not set life goals for herself, does not know how to achieve even the slightest goal, does not imagine how to explain the current situation, she should definitely talk to her husband and finally dot all the i's. Most often, it happens that the husband apologizes or gives in to his wife if it’s all about domestic issues.
Perhaps all this is just your whims or adolescence. Perhaps it's time for you to grow up morally.
Don't rush to make hasty and irreversible decisions. It happens that a wife realizes how much she loves her husband only when nothing can be returned!

Good luck and be loved!

August 13, 2020 by anna

One comment

Elena
10.05.2020 at 01:06
Nothing at all... Complete stereotypes. Did you write from a textbook? Wake up. Everything is different in life. Don’t even apply these tips to yourself.
Read also: Where is our memory stored, how can we map the brain and why attention is a fiction
Reply to Elena

Men hate too

The strongest feeling is hatred. It can destroy even the most sincere love and ardent passion. Sometimes the hatred between the sexes is mutual. One flow of negative energy provokes a counter flow. Thus, counting on mutual understanding with the opposite sex, it is worth knowing why a man might hate his woman:

Excessive passion and initiative. Ardent caresses, as in films for adults, are actually not always pleasant for a man. This should be a rare exception, not a tradition. Still, the stronger sex wants to take the initiative and not obey.
Manipulation of intimacy not only irritates men, but literally drives them crazy. First of all, this does not apply to single people as much as to married people. If a woman, at the slightest disagreement, “takes revenge” by lack of intimacy, this is a direct path to mutual hatred.
Most men hate women who pretend to be touchy and shy. Of course, we are not talking about throwing ourselves on the necks of representatives of the stronger sex at the first meeting. But if the relationship has reached a more serious stage, the behavior of a “nun” or “bluestocking” can simply offend a man and even form complexes in him.
Men cannot stand women who are biased towards the stronger sex, believing that they only have “one thing” on their minds. This is a kind of humiliation and an accusation of narrow-mindedness. Thinking about men in this way, you can hardly count on a respectful and reverent attitude towards yourself.
Men hate women who shift the entire burden of responsibility for their joint happiness and well-being onto them. These are some kind of “princess and a pea” who expect active actions from their lover, without taking any steps towards them.
Men don't like women who are insecure about their appearance. Have you noticed that self-critical beauties are less likely to be happy in their personal lives than self-confident ladies, whom nature has not awarded such outstanding data? If you don’t love yourself and constantly focus on your flaws, a man will sooner or later believe in your “unattractiveness.”
Another factor of hatred is the refusal to take care of yourself some time after the start of a relationship. Many ladies, thinking that they have already got a man, relax. They stop wearing beautiful lingerie and feminine clothes. Moreover, they allow themselves to walk around with unwashed hair and unkempt nails. Naturally, a man does not want to be with such a woman, which is why mutual resentment and hatred arise.
Like ladies, men carry over their attitude towards the opposite sex from childhood. If he had a problematic relationship with his mother, some other relative, or even a school teacher, most likely he will harbor a grudge against the entire fair sex.