One day I was visiting a friend. We drank champagne while sitting in the kitchen, chatting about something. Her children were playing in the neighboring rooms, from where screams and crying were periodically heard, and her husband was watching TV in the bedroom.
At some point, she looks up at me with her sad gaze and, with eyes full of tears, says: “I’m scared... You know, I’m in shock about my life. I look at it from the outside like a strange film and it seems to me that this is not happening to me. But by some cruel joke, now I’m here, in this terrible life...”
She talked a lot more that evening: about her husband, a stranger to her, about his humiliations and betrayals. About children who hate their father for sleepless nights and scandals, swearing and endless punishments. “Perhaps they already hate me,” she whispered, “I’m scared... But I can’t do it like you. More precisely, I'm afraid. You are brave and there are only a few like you.
You made the decision to leave for another life without fear, alone with your child.”
And then I understand, but I’m really not familiar with this concept - “someone else’s life”
.
She is mine, only mine. Not my child, not my man, not my parents, but MINE
. I have always subconsciously been touching about this gift of the universe. I have had dozens of situations when you could continue to live as you are, without changing anything, go with the flow, even if you are sick of what is happening around you. But not once did I think of giving up, always guided by the principle “it’s better to try than to reproach yourself for the rest of your days for inaction.”
Do you even know how many people do not live, but exist?
Life is the most valuable and unique thing we have.
The statistics made me sad. Although, from my surroundings, I already understood today’s realities.
So, according to statistics 53%
The population of our country is dissatisfied with their social life and about
65%
of women are unhappy in the family.
There are millions of people like my friend. And I know
, which guides them to continue such an existence.
This perception of life goes from generation to generation, it is a kind of “genetic code”
saying that only through suffering and patience will you find happiness. And so the years pass in anticipation and self-deception. And many generally hide behind their children and grandchildren, thus filling the emptiness inside. I may say something terrible, but all these people don’t love themselves.
If, while reading the above, some part of your inner self responded, answer these questions for yourself:
1.
What's the last thing you did for yourself? Not for children/husband/parents/friends and others, but for yourself.
2.
How long have you heard a compliment addressed to you? And how did you receive it: “oh, well” or “thank you”?
3.
Among the things that make you smile during the day, are there those that were addressed specifically to you or is it joy for others, like your sister’s wedding, your godson’s first steps?
If you find it difficult to answer at least two of these questions
, then you clearly have a lack of self-love, and most likely, self-acceptance.
The need to control others
A woman needs to know where her husband is, what he is doing and with whom, in order to calm jealousy and feelings of inferiority. A wife who interrogates him with bias is most likely an insecure person trying to raise her own self-esteem at the expense of her husband.
The need to control others manifests itself in regular questions, tasks, checking the quality of what has been done, imposing a personal idea of how things should be, and excessive emotional reactions.
From love to hate
If the reason for separation turned out to be infidelity or betrayal of a loved one, you must immediately decide to take action. Realizing that you have feelings for the person who betrayed you, you can seriously lose your mind. This is no longer a manifestation of love, but the personification of a painful form of dependence on a person, requiring immediate treatment.
Time to cry
It makes no sense to hide your feelings under a mask of equanimity. Allow yourself to express your feelings. Cry, if possible, then talk to your best friend. The main point is only one thing: your spouse should not see your tears. As soon as your emotions are balanced, think about how to get rid of your feelings for your husband.
Whatever is done is for the better
Take this wording as your motto. Just imagine how your future life could have turned out if you had not discovered the betrayal or endured further unpleasant treatment of yourself? Constant quarrels, scandals, suspicions and so on... Is this the kind of life you wanted?
Compare the pros and cons
Having accepted the fact of disappointment in your husband, try to look at him from a third person. I'm sure you'll agree that there are no perfect people. In this regard, it has not only advantages for which you love it, but also disadvantages that may push you away from it. In addition, having lived with him for a certain period of time, you already know him better and have clearly noticed the moments in which he annoys you. This means that by ending your relationship with him, you saved yourself from such irritating factors.
Remember this moment more often, the main thing is not to abuse it, so as not to lead yourself to hate the man. The purpose of this is the awareness of receiving positive emotions, and not creating negativity.
Share your sadness
When a person copes with pain and troubles alone, it is more difficult for him and, in most cases, he loses such a fight. Sadness in the soul is similar to a sad song put on repeat. Listening to a sad track over and over again, it does not calm us down, but only plunges us deeper into apathy. It is necessary to throw out everything that hurts. When we express our experiences rather than suppress them, we lighten our soul and heart. If you cannot open up to anyone, use a personal diary, only it must be filled out by hand and not electronic. It will help you relax, reflect and give you peace of mind.
How to forget the man you love
Keeping thoughts under control
A good way to stop loving your ex-husband is to control your thoughts and emotions. After parting with a significant other, a person becomes very immersed in memories and thoughts about a loved one. Thus, increasing the mental burden. To prevent this from happening, try the following:
- As soon as you are overwhelmed by memories, switch your attention to anything as long as it distracts you from the memories. The main criterion is that anything should make your brain work. Mechanical actions, such as cleaning an apartment or washing dishes, are not suitable here.
- Set aside a specific time when you can think about your ex-husband. If thoughts come up outside of this time, you must distract yourself and not allow them to overwhelm you. You can try telling yourself: “there is no time for this now.” Such an exercise helps the mind to reduce the time of suffering.
Don't interfere with your own life
How to get rid of feelings for your husband? You should not completely immerse yourself in self-hypnosis and engage in self-flagellation. Look at yourself from a third person perspective. Perhaps you like to experience suffering and constantly beat yourself up with phrases: “How can I continue to live”, “I want to return him”, “I can’t live without him”, and so on... Don’t be led by your inner voice, nothing scary or unusual happened. Look at what happened from a different angle and try to see the opportunities that have opened up: the emergence of a large amount of free time, the opportunity for self-improvement, travel, spending more time in the company of girlfriends and friends. Thanks to separation from your husband, you gain certain advantages; do not dwell on sorrows, but try to see the positive sides in everything.
Important! Don't forget that you can't step into the same river twice! Therefore, don't cling to the past. Live in the moment.
I would like to add that do not rush into a new relationship. Give yourself time to live for yourself and allow your emotional wounds to heal. In this case, “wedge by wedge” is not your situation.
What advice can you give to stop loving your husband? Share your methods in the comments.
How to stop controlling your spouse
It is worth considering the reasons that force a wife to control her husband’s actions, as well as tips that will help get rid of such a negative quality.
Fear of losing a loved one
It is accompanied by the woman’s obsessive behavior, constant questioning and other negative aspects. The fear of being betrayed forces a woman to take extreme measures. Often wives understand the absurdity of their behavior, but they cannot cope with it on their own.
It seems to them that if they are aware of all events, this will prevent something that is scary to even think about. Some wives go too far in their suspicions and call their husbands at work every half hour. This behavior is annoying, interferes with normal work, and leads to sad thoughts.
Solution. Stop thinking of your spouse as property. First of all, he is a personality, a formed person who is able to make decisions, make mistakes, do whatever he wants. It is impossible to influence his behavior with your interrogations. Sooner or later, your spouse will get tired of this, and he will begin to deceive you, play around with you, and make fun of you.
Are you afraid of losing your spouse? Psychologists advise imagining that the worst has already happened. Think over your actions in advance, evaluate your own capabilities. Move on and remember, whatever needs to happen will happen.
See also “How to stop being jealous of your husband and save your relationship.” Women dream of getting married and then living happily ever after in love and harmony. In fact, married life is more complex and multifaceted. Every day you have to solve problems, make compromises, put up with the habits of another person.
Distrust of others
When people do not live up to their trust, a void is formed in the soul, which is not easy to fill. To avoid another betrayal, many women begin to control loved ones. In addition, by asking leading questions, a woman questions the answers; she sees a catch in everything.
Solution . Relationships without trust turn into obligations. The partner constantly thinks that his significant other is unhappy. The spouses begin to quarrel frequently, and it seems that they are deliberately destroying the family.
Trust your man, stop controlling his every move. It's difficult, but possible. Understand that by mistrust you are deliberately destroying your marriage.
Doubts about the correct actions of others
Doubt and distrust of others forces you to double-check, give advice, tips, and do everything yourself. A woman constantly feels that without her participation, her husband and children will make unforgivable mistakes that will have to be corrected. In an effort to control everything, you deprive loved ones of the opportunity to show their abilities.
A woman unwittingly develops a feeling of inferiority in her spouse and children. Deprived of the opportunity to demonstrate skills, they will refuse to take responsibility for their own actions in the future.
Solution . You urgently need to change your position, give your husband and child a chance to show their abilities. Replace total control with support. Think about what to say or do so as not to hurt your partner's feelings. Selfishness gives rise to the desire to control everyone and everything, give it up before it’s too late.
Maternal responsibilities towards a spouse
Yes, this happens too. Maternal instinct towards your spouse is a bad sign. A man does not need a second mother; there should be a loving woman nearby, whose interests are not limited to feeding, petting, clothing and putting on shoes for her man.
The spouse will quickly get used to this attitude and appreciate the care, but he will definitely no longer love. On the contrary, some men are enraged by their wives' protective behavior. They are able to take care of their needs.
How to live without a man?
The most important thing is to be happy. After all the awareness of events from the past and acceptance of yourself, it’s time to make a choice in favor of happiness and success. Now you must accept yourself as a strong and free woman. In order for the wounds to heal and your mental state to improve, you don’t have to walk around with a sour expression on your face for a whole year, feeling sorry for yourself and suffering!
