Self-criticism - what is it, the main causes and methods of getting rid of it

Self-criticism - what is it?

Psychologists understand this term as a negative analysis of one’s actions, behavior, character traits, which is accompanied by emotions of dissatisfaction and disapproval.

Types of self-deprecation depending on the severity of manifestations:

1. Mild degree - a person scolds himself so that those around him feel sorry for him. No mental harm is caused. Demonstrative humiliation eliminates responsibility. Scolding yourself so that others don’t do it is a manifestation of a mild degree of self-flagellation.
2. Severe degree - a person torments himself not for the pity of others, but out of a sense of increased responsibility. This form is more destructive to mental health.
3. Neurotic degree - self-criticism becomes a habit. It becomes so rooted in character that a person does not notice it. Getting rid of the neurotic form is the most difficult. It is difficult for a psychologist to make a client realize the problem.

At its core, the neurotic form of self-flagellation is a disease, a type of neurosis. The victim is haunted by a constant obsessive thought that does not correspond to reality: “I am bad. I'm doing everything wrong. I'll just ruin everything."

The therapist’s task is to find the cause of this inner voice and eliminate it as quickly as possible.

In advanced cases, neurosis develops into depression. Self-criticism is a symptom that distinguishes depression from sad mood. Apathy (indifference to the outside world), suicidal thoughts and attempts that accompany the disease make it extremely dangerous.

What is good and what is bad?

Then the child grows, and the parents turn on the heavy artillery:

“Be a good girl/good boy and let mom and dad watch a movie. Listen to your dad, but you will grow up to be a hooligan (and hooligans are very bad, because they are always scolded).

Do the right thing, well, as I told you. You did it wrong, badly, or neatly. Listen to your mom and you will be a good girl.

Do your homework, otherwise you will remain a dunce. Study, come on, otherwise you will work as a cleaner all your life. Why did you get a 4 in mathematics, are you dumber than Petya/Masha from the next door?”

The mental processing scheme is the same as described above, only now it is not the body that is being discussed, but the mental and spiritual abilities of the child. The concepts are laid down: good - bad, right - wrong. This is how complexes arise related to assessing one’s intelligence and character traits. A person falls into the second trap - judgment.

The school, of course, succeeds in this regard, because it is there that the first real grades are given and they are even recorded in the diary. And now parents already scold or praise precisely for grades. Then the child subconsciously connects the abstract concepts of good - bad, right - wrong with the grades he received and everything becomes clear to him.

In order for parents to praise and love, you need to do your homework, listen to teachers, fulfill their requirements and bring good grades. Then I will be a good boy/good girl. And dad will be proud of such a son / spoil his daughter. And mom loves and hugs.

Hello complexes of a good girl/nasty girl, mama's boy/hot macho and perfectionist. Why did I combine opposites together? Because the Victim-Executioner game in these complexes is also played out to the fullest in both roles. But the essence is always the same.

Such people know exactly how to please a parent, what needs to be done to meet the boss’s requirements and meet expectations. They know how to please their friends...

Or vice versa, what to do to shock everyone, how to show off and stand out from the crowd, how to do the opposite, out of spite, in revenge, how to harshly criticize and press on a sore spot.

Perfectionists, in turn, always want to be the first and the best in everything. Women try their best to be the best mom and the best wife. Men prove to everyone and everything that they are the coolest and smartest. There are many ways: a gold medal, a red diploma, a senior manager, a director, a boss, a cool latest model phone, a cool car, etc.

They all have one thing in common - they absolutely do not know what they really want. Their desires and vector of movement are aimed at showing and proving something to other people.

For those who want to get rid of complexes, we recommend the master class “Accept. Believe me. Love."

The result is always the same - constant and ever-increasing self-criticism and dissatisfaction with oneself. In fact, this is the result of any complexes. It doesn’t matter whether you criticize something in your appearance, whether you are dissatisfied with your work or character traits, whether you consider yourself not smart enough or, on the contrary, smarter than everyone else.

The essence is the same - dissatisfaction and non-acceptance of oneself.

The fact is that there is always someone who will be better, faster, stronger, prettier, smarter, cooler, more responsible, know more, get more, and so on. It's impossible to win this race.

Good - bad, right - wrong - these are subjective concepts, and for most people there is something different behind them. Always. It is impossible to please everyone, to predict everyone’s wishes, to be good to everyone...

And the person again puts on the masks of victim and executioner. Either they offended me, or I will offend everyone. Either I am to blame, or everyone around me is to blame...

Behind this behavior is a desire for attention and love. Hidden inside these people are little resentful boys and girls who want to be noticed, noticed and loved. They just chose a strange way to achieve this, through dissatisfaction, self-criticism and non-acceptance.

Self-criticism and self-flagellation

Self-flagellation and self-humiliation are synonyms for the term “self-criticism.” Self-criticism is its complete opposite.

All people are prone to make mistakes. Everyone thinks about them, analyzes them, looks for solutions and ways to avoid mistakes in the future. Learning from your own mistakes is absolutely normal. In psychology this is called positive concentration. The person is focused on improving his life.

For Samoyeds, torment is an established part of their character. They do not look for ways to solve problems and do not learn from mistakes. The way out of the situation is to do nothing at all. For them, this is the only way to avoid mistakes. This way of thinking is called negative concentration. A person is focused on his shortcomings.

Mental disorders accompanying self-criticism:

• fear of doing things;
• decreased mood;
• diffidence;
• anxiety and restlessness;
• desire to punish yourself.

Self-flagellation leads to negative consequences, unlike rational self-criticism. Self-criticism is not a move forward, but a step back!

Self-criticism - psychology

In psychology, there is a specific definition of this concept, for example, self-criticism is introspection with a negative connotation, which is accompanied by reproaches, fears and uncertainty. The main symptom of the problem is dissatisfaction with oneself, and psychology distinguishes three stages of this condition.

1. The first stage takes the form of a public demonstration of feelings. A person’s goal is to “cry into his vest,” to evoke self-pity, which is inherent in insecure individuals.
2. People with a heightened sense of responsibility are addicted to harsh self-criticism. They do not need the sympathy of strangers; they will gnaw at themselves alone for their own misdeeds.
3. Critical dissatisfaction with oneself leads to the most severe stage of self-criticism - neurotic. Any deviation from the norm puts a person into a state of hysteria. Existing in constant self-criticism is the main sign of this stage.

What can cause you to be dissatisfied with yourself?

A problem never appears for no reason. In order for healthy, even the strongest self-criticism to turn into self-criticism, certain prerequisites are necessary.

1. Low self-esteem, characteristic of notorious individuals.
2. Parents' mistakes: increased criticism, desire to impose their own line of behavior, inability to listen to the child's opinion, and so on. Children accustomed to negative assessments of their actions grow up to be Samoyeds.
3. Having too high a standard for yourself and your actions can also lead to self-criticism.
4. The inability to love yourself, constant dissatisfaction with yourself, unwillingness to accept existing shortcomings is a direct path to harsh self-criticism.
5. A pessimistic attitude prevents you from perceiving the world around you and yourself joyfully. Constantly immersing yourself in negativity causes criticism of everything that happens around you.

Where does the habit of self-flagellation come from?

Temperament is a stable characteristic of a person, determined by a set of genes in the body. Character is formed throughout life as a result of upbringing, the influence of society, and the presence of personal interests. Self-humiliation, being a character trait, is mainly formed in childhood. Over time, only the severity of the bad habit changes.

The main reasons for self-criticism:

1. Inadequate upbringing.
2. Imbalance in three components of personality: adult, child and parent, with a predominance of the latter.
3. Fear of responsibility.
4. Low self-esteem.

Inadequate parenting refers to excessive criticism of parents. The child’s psyche is designed in such a way that he needs praise. Children do not understand that they did something right until they hear it from the lips of their authority - mom or dad. Samoyeds grow up from teenagers who were under constant pressure from their parents.

Psychologist E. Berne describes personality as a combination of adult, child and parental components. They have the following functions:

• child – emotions, expressive actions, mood, intuition, impressions;
• adult – adequate self-analysis and self-criticism, reflecting reality;
• parent – ​​strict, indestructible ideas that do not always correspond to reality.

The predominant parental component in the Samoyed suppresses the inner adult. There is no adequate analysis of what is happening. A person hears an inner voice expressing the same ideas of self-oppression.

People who are afraid of responsibility constantly torment themselves. Torment is a way to convince yourself not to do something. Absence of action means absence of responsibility for it.

Low self-esteem leads to self-dissatisfaction. Self-flagellation begins, which further lowers self-esteem. A vicious circle closes. You can open it only after increasing confidence and accepting yourself.

Self-criticism as a way to increase one’s importance in society

Weak people use conspicuous self-destruction to increase their sense of self-worth. A person constantly repeats phrases like “I’m not worthy,” “I’m too weak for this,” “I’m not good for anything.” In these empty words, he seeks the support and support of others. He expects those around him to refute these assumptions.

A sense of self-importance can manifest itself through excessive modesty as a type of demonstrative self-criticism. Even after doing something well and hearing praise addressed to him, a person says: “What are you talking about, I didn’t do anything.” Mentally he thinks: “Praise me again.”

People rarely want to get rid of ostentatious self-flagellation. This is beneficial for them. People around him consider such a person modest, and the manipulator increases his sense of self-worth.

Self-criticism - how to get rid of it?

No one is interested in people who are negative, withdrawn, or constantly whining and asking for pity. They simply need to change their lives and get rid of the harmful habit of self-criticism. To understand how to get rid of self-criticism, you need to remember important rules.

1. You need to learn to include criticism not after the situation has already occurred, but before it.
2. If the moment has come for self-flagellation, when the Samoyed eats himself, it is important to try to change the usual form of harsh criticism, so if a person is used to calling himself unpleasant words for an offense, it is worth replacing them with softer expressions.
3. You should look for and find the positives in the situation that can cover the negative from it.
4. Don't rush to cover everything at once. It is better to go towards the goal in small steps, slowly but surely, than to make a breakthrough and fail.
5. Learn to accept yourself as you are, with all the pros and cons.
6. When discussing how to avoid self-criticism, it is important to fill your free time to the maximum. Sign up for a dance class, go to the gym, buy movie tickets. In general, load yourself with useful things so that there is no time left for self-criticism.

Psychosomatics of self-flagellation

Psychosomatics is a branch of medicine and psychology that studies the influence of mental factors on the functioning of internal organs. Diseases that are caused by mental health disorders are called psychosomatic.

People who constantly engage in soul-searching tend to develop the following diseases:

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

• impotence, decreased libido;
• hypertension - high blood pressure;
• hypotension – low blood pressure;
• dermatosis – pathologies of the skin;
• chronic headaches;
• arthrosis – diseases of the joints;
• bronchial asthma;
• peptic ulcer of the stomach and intestines.

Treatment of psychosomatic diseases will be effective when self-criticism can be stopped!

How to get rid of the habit of self-flagellation

You need to get rid of self-criticism as quickly as possible before it develops into a depressive disorder.

To overcome constant remorse, follow these steps:

1. Accept yourself.
2. Use the “three questions” rule.
3. Write down plans, thoughts about the future.
4. Master the correct motivation for self-criticism.
5. Find a hobby that you enjoy.

You should begin to fight self-criticism by accepting your character with its inherent shortcomings. You are just a human being who makes mistakes, this is not your fault. Only you have the power to turn disadvantages that cause discomfort into advantages.

To understand the rationality of constant experiences, ask three questions in your mind:

1. What have I done? (Describe an event that worries you.)
2. What could I change? (Think about how you could act in this situation.)
3. How can I influence what happens tomorrow? (Find ways to correct the situation, if any).

The main emphasis should be on the last question. Samoyeds never ask this question to themselves, focusing on the first two. If it is not possible to correct the situation, the best way out is to “go with the flow.”

Another method of therapy is a daily ritual of writing down plans for the day. He will gradually eliminate the focus on the past. Cross off completed items at the end of the day. This way your train of thought will become more constructive and future-oriented.

Reasonable motivation for self-criticism is understood as an adequate assessment of what happened and a change in attitude towards the situation. For example, you did an imperfect task that was difficult for you. Don't dwell on what went wrong. Don't regret taking on this business. Focus on the positive: you have overcome yourself, you have gained experience. You can get rid of self-eating only by learning to focus on the positive.

Another method to suppress persistent feelings of regret is to vent your emotions. Creativity is the best way to do this. Find a medium of expression that is perfect for you personally.

Exercise to get rid of self-criticism

Psychologists will help clients get rid of self-remorse and dissatisfaction with themselves using the “Mistake!” exercise. The essence of the method is to learn to evaluate your actions rationally, without internal aggression.

If you make a mistake, follow these steps:

1. Stretch your arms to the sides, palms up, raise your shoulders and, tilting your head to the side, say: “Error!” Make it casual, childlike.
2. With your arms crossed, gently hug yourself and say, “I am good.”
3. Straighten your back, sharply throw your hand forward with your palm and abruptly say: “Work.”

The point of the first stage is to reduce the significance of what is happening. The mistake you made no longer seems like a disaster. You get rid of self-deception and adequately assess the scale of the situation.

By hugging yourself and saying an encouraging phrase (the wording may vary), you shift the flow of thoughts from negative to positive. You stop scolding yourself and feeling “bad.”

The third stage is the most important. It is not enough to be an optimist; you need to learn to solve a problem constructively. With the previous steps you have become positive; it’s time to correct the consequences of the mistake, if possible, or start a new business. Nothing distracts you from painful thoughts like work.

Choose a day to master the exercise that is not the most difficult, when you have time to distract yourself. It’s better to start making a “Mistake!” with gestures. Once you have mastered the principle, you can perform them mentally.

If you cannot regain self-confidence on your own, it would be advisable to contact a specialist. A psychologist will find out the cause of the problem and select an individual therapy program for you.

How to stop self-criticism?

How to deal with self-criticism?
First of all, try to accept yourself. Yes, you are not ideal, but you don’t have to meet any standards. You are unique, so why should you blame yourself for it? And look around, is everything made like a carbon copy? Each person is unique and instead of seeing only flaws in themselves, might it be better to highlight their strengths?

• Forgive yourself for all your shortcomings and mistakes you have made. This will be the very first step towards improving your inner world. Accordingly, you will begin to change. Through forgiveness, you stop the process of destruction and allow yourself to get rid of everything bad.
• Try to think positively, develop a sense of humor and character. You shouldn’t fight your bad qualities, it’s better to strengthen your strengths.
• Praise yourself more often. If you start to reprimand yourself for something, then try to switch to praise. Think about everything about yourself that you are happy with. Laugh at your mistakes, don't take them as something too bad.
• You must understand that self-criticism is a defense mechanism that manifests itself from childhood. When you scold yourself, reproach yourself from the position of a parent, you find yourself in a corner. That is, you find yourself helpless, you show emotions, but everything around you is bad. You have grown up and you have the strength to perceive everything adequately.
• Learn to suppress the emotions that come with self-eating. Bad feelings will not bring good things in this case, so learn to control them.
• Change your behavior and stick to it. Instead of self-criticism, look at everything differently. Think about how you acted, what exactly was a mistake and what needs to be done to correct the situation. A simple technique will help you get out of such a circle - “Three Questions”. Ask them to yourself one by one, and write the answers on paper.

1. What have I done? First, describe the situation in as much detail as possible.
2. What could I do? Think about how you could behave - what to feel, say, etc.
3. What can I do tomorrow? Write down on paper your actions that would help correct the situation

This technique will help you learn useful lessons from unpleasant situations, correlate the scale of what happened and your reaction. Perhaps the event is not so terrible and there is no need to worry about it.

How childhood envy forms the habit of self-criticism

Both a person experiencing envy and someone who is envied can become a Samoyed. We are talking about “black” envy. It puts a person in a negative mood. An envious person waits for a more successful person to make a mistake. Most often, this cannot be expressed in person. Anger accumulates inside and turns into self-aggression.

The envious person is already angry with himself for not being successful enough, for not being able to do something as well as the object of envy. The process of autocannibalism, that is, eating oneself, begins. Envy fades into the background, developing into dissatisfaction with oneself.

The object of envy becomes a Samoyed due to fear of the “evil eye.” People are so afraid of being better than others that they do not take any significant actions. The justification is criticism of oneself. They are guided by this principle: it is easier to accuse yourself of incompetence and do nothing than to stand out from the crowd. Others, on the contrary, are afraid of doing something wrong and losing the authority of others.

How to recognize self-criticism: signs

Signs of self-criticism
If a woman constantly engages in self-criticism, then she is never satisfied with herself. She doesn’t like absolutely everything - how she looks, what she does, character, intelligence, and so on. With this attitude, it won’t take long for you to get sick.

If suddenly a problem happens in life, then she begins to blame herself for everything and consider that she is a failure and in general she deserves it. Such self-criticism gradually leads to the disappearance of all the joy of life. A person loses all determination, he cannot start something new, realize his dreams, and also assert himself. He also doesn’t understand that he is actually “eating” himself. Relatives or articles on the Internet can help you figure this out.

In psychology, the following signs of self-criticism are identified:

• Complexity
• Constant self-hatred
• Comparing yourself with someone even in small things
• Depression
• Shame about the lifestyle a person leads
• Poor appetite or vice versa gluttony
• Bad dream
• The desire to change your life, but there is no readiness for this
• Rejection of one's body and appearance
• Constant regret that life is worthless and the person has achieved nothing

Self-criticism also differs by gender. For example, women are constantly hysterical about their own appearance, and men “eat” themselves for low incomes and poor social status. For example, if a man lives with his mother, then he may reproach himself for the fact that he cannot buy his own home. A bachelor who lives alone feels unwanted. But a married man may feel like a henpecked man and a slave to his wife.