What is a family for a child?
The family provides emotional connections and attachments. These are the relationships that a child receives in the first three years of life, when he can already distinguish who treats him and how, who does what for him, and in what conditions he lives. These early attachments lay the foundation for his future relationships with other people, similar to relationships in the family. If it was not possible to create such relationships in childhood, then at an older age the child will face great difficulties.
Family is the basis of a sense of security. This feeling develops on the basis of attachments - as a result, the child creates or does not create a feeling of anxiety, confidence, security, since the family ensures the child’s safety when interacting with the outside world. This sense of security is necessary for the child when exploring the world around him, and on the basis of this the child learns to respond adequately to certain situations. Relatives and friends are comforters in moments of grief or illness. If there is no sense of security, after three years the child clings to his mother, cannot let her go, and constantly needs her physical presence.
Family is a model of behavior and interpersonal relationships. A child copies the behavior of adults, and this happens both unconsciously at a younger age and consciously at an older age, which ultimately is one of the necessary elements of personality - identification. The example of parental behavior is very important as a model of response in a stressful situation. In reality, parents often say one thing and do another. This can lead to rejection, the development of negative behavior, and negative character development.
Family as a source of life experience. Intelligence depends on heredity and on the child’s own life experience, which in turn depends on the parents. Parents must teach their child to learn, gain experience, and cultivate in him a desire to learn. This is influenced by conversations with children, general activities, interests, pastime, hobbies. Conversations in the form of dialogues contribute to the development of thinking, from conversations children receive the necessary knowledge, the speech of parents serves as a model of speech for the child and shapes the character of the child’s speech. The behavior of parents is a model of social behavior for the child.
A child learns everything from his parents through observation, encouragement and punishment. The degree of freedom that parents allow in relation to the child also plays a big role.
For children, the emotional situation in the family is very important. The most typical roles of a child in the family (role is a set of patterns in behavior):
- The child takes on the negative emotions of his parents.
- Parents do not have feelings for each other and the emotional vacuum is filled with exaggerated care for the child (demonstrative love).
- A child is like a toy. The parent needs it only at a certain moment when he wants to take care of the child. More often, if the parents are very close to each other, they only occasionally turn their love to the child, but, as a rule, he remains the third - the odd one out.
- The child regulates and eliminates conflicts between parents. Often such children play the role of an adult in the family.
In some schemes, the basis is the emotional attitude of the parents (acceptance or non-acceptance of the child by the parents). Typology of Alla Barkan:
Overprotection. Parents dictate every step to the child, control him, check him. Children get used to obeying, they get used to the fact that everything is decided for them and everything is thought through. Such children are weak-willed, lack initiative, and prone to alcoholism and drug addiction (lack of will in an asocial company). Parents may be boycotted.
Hypocustody. The child is left to his own devices, feels unwanted, unloved, and is forced to take care of himself. Children's needs are not met; they do not have enough toys, books, etc. The extreme form is homelessness. This is the main source of replenishment of criminal groups, where there are unspoken laws - whoever is stronger is right.
Family idol . At first glance, the child seems loved, he is admired, and his every desire is fulfilled. Such children believe in their exclusivity and superiority over others. They are selfish, get used to consuming and not giving anything in return. They lag behind their peers in terms of self-care, and evaluate themselves and those around them biasedly. When they go out into life, they cannot fit into the hierarchy of subordination; it is difficult for them to behave adequately. There are also difficulties in establishing normal relationships with people of the other sex and, as a consequence, difficulties in starting a family. They are often infantile. Such children are successful in life if their parents invest certain skills in them.
Cinderella . The child is periodically insulted, humiliated, he does not know care, affection, he is constantly pitted against other, better children. The child tries to do everything to live up to the ideal and please his parents, but never receives encouragement. The child considers himself a burden. Most often, such children go into a fantasy world, where all problems are solved like in a fairy tale. Such children do not take initiative in life, are quiet, act on the principle of “just to please”, and rarely achieve anything significant in life.
Increased moral responsibility . A child is placed on the shoulders of a responsibility that is not appropriate for his or her age. Most often this happens when parents see the realization of their dreams in a child, or when the child is given responsibility for a younger or older family member. There may be two options here:
- The child copes, becomes serious and mature beyond his age, and knows how to solve complex problems.
- the child cannot cope, becomes embittered, nervous, secretive and cunning. In such cases, suicide is not uncommon if the child cannot cope with the burden of responsibility (for example, an excellent student suddenly received a bad mark).
Education in the cult of illness . If the child himself is sick or if the parents see him as a sick child, they take advantage of the situation, the children enter into a state of illness and blackmail their parents. Illness is perceived as a privilege that gives special rights. The child speculates on this and can become a tyrant for his parents. When one of the family members is sick (or is considered sick), everyone dances around this person, the entire regime is subordinate to him. The child develops a certain attitude towards illness and life.
Prince's throne. More often in wealthy families, where parents are busy obtaining material wealth and there is no time to raise a child. As compensation - giving a gift to a child. Such children most often protest against what was sacred to their parents. They go their own way and often ruin everything that their parents have achieved. If such children choose the path in the footsteps of their parents, they often turn out to be incapable.
Controversial Parenting . There can be two options: inconsistency between different parents, for example, mom says one thing - dad says another, or mom says one thing - grandma says another. The second option is inconsistency in the demands of one parent. Such a child has to determine for himself what is possible and what is not. He doesn’t understand who to listen to, who to please, all this contributes to the development of neurosis.
Changing parenting patterns. First, the child is raised according to one scheme, then according to another (divorce, the birth of another child, the death of one of the parents). The child either cannot adapt to changing styles or has difficulty adapting. The child may protest, neurotic reactions may occur, leaving the family, etc.
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Specifics of family education
The institution of family throughout human history has played and continues to play an important role in the development of the individual and society as a whole. The family is the sphere through whose functioning the transfer of social experience, cultural and moral values, the foundations of social behavior and interaction between generations takes place.
Family upbringing has a unique impact on personality development. The specificity of this impact is due to the following reasons:
- The primacy of family influence. The presence of parents next to the child from the first days of the child’s life forms his biological and psychological attachment to them, determines his dependence on his family;
- Sensitivity of child development in preschool age. At this time, the child’s body is most susceptible to the influence exerted by adults. The child strives to build a system of relationships with adults, and not with peers. The need to communicate with peers develops further;
- Permanence of stay. The child is in the family almost constantly. He actively interacts with parents in all areas of his activities. He develops an attachment to his parents, develops relationships of trust, understanding, and family ties.
A separate branch of pedagogical science, family pedagogy, studies the issues of home education and its characteristics.
Educational methods
The family education system includes several main ways of influencing the child:
- personal example;
- persuasion – conversations, suggestion, recommendations;
- encouragement that develops a sense of pride and satisfaction for what has been done;
- punishment - restriction of children's joys and pleasures.
Some parents resort to physical methods of education, thus punishing the child for something. If you want to raise a mentally healthy and confident person, do not use physical punishment.
Watch your actions
Personal example is a great force that encourages a child to imitate your actions and be like you. Therefore, criticize your child less, act more. Remember that children do not listen to us, they look at us.
In psychology, there is a concept of “interiorization” - when children remember everything they see and hear. They “absorb” information and appropriate it as personal experience.
This unique childhood ability should force you to monitor your own vocabulary and actions, especially during the first 7 years of your baby’s life.
Show your love
The basics of family education for preschool children are to show their emotions and feelings. Children are especially susceptible to the atmosphere in the family; it is too early for them to comprehend new experiences and gain knowledge.
They want to feel parental love and care. During this period, the personalities of mom and dad are fundamental to the baby. Love for parents is immeasurable, unconditional.
The main problem of family pedagogy at this stage is punishing the child without determining the essence of the problem behavior.
Not knowing what to do or how to re-educate their child, many parents turn to psychologists for help. And you just need to hug the baby and tell him about your feelings.
Make contact
Express your feelings more often in verbal and tactile form. Those children who feel a lack of attention from their loved ones try to attract their attention with bad behavior: whims, hysterics, disobedience.
You need to establish psychological contact with the baby. Awareness of contact allows the baby to feel boundless parental love.
To establish and maintain contact, you need to be sincerely interested in everything that happens in the baby’s life, understand his naive problems and always answer stupid questions. This will help you track the changes occurring in the consciousness of the little person.
It is necessary to establish contact even with a newborn - when the mother begins to use the first educational methods. Establish an emotional relationship with your baby: look into his eyes, smile, touch.
Appreciate children's achievements
Any minor achievement of a baby should be appreciated, because children always expect praise. Behind parental indifference or condemnation is fatigue, irritability, anger - emotions caused by other situations.
Loving parents accept the baby. This gives them an insight into the world of childhood experiences.
Even if a child acts unworthy, you need to be able to criticize him correctly. You cannot say that he is bad, unbearable, disgusting.
Say that today he behaved badly, but you still love the baby and hope that tomorrow he will change his behavior.
Don't suppress your independence
Most parents, fearing for the safety of their child, suppress his independence. The child achieves independently with the awareness of his “I”.
Let the baby make mistakes and try again, because in this way he gets his own experience, without which it is impossible to become a harmonious person.
Psychologists say that you need to start learning to be independent from the first months of life. The sooner you begin to teach your baby, the sooner the skill will become unconditional - requiring no explanation.
