How to find a way out of a difficult life situation: 3 effective ways

22 June 2020, 17:35

You can't catch a black cat in a dark room. Turn on the light and catch!

I'll start with a quote from the famous spiritual guru of the West, Eckhart Tolle .

Accept first, act later. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you chose it. Always work with him, not against him. Make him your friend and ally, not your enemy.

Many people misinterpret the concept of “accepting.”

Where does acceptance come from?

“All problems come from childhood” is a common phrase, but it is directly related to our topic. Acceptance starts from early childhood.

In the first years of life, a child recognizes himself, reflecting the values ​​of the adults who raise him (in psychology, this mechanism is called introjection). The feedback he receives is the basis for the formation of the human psyche. This reaction can be very different, and the child will absorb any one.

To better understand the role of acceptance in a child’s life, it is necessary to take a short digression. Let us turn to the theory of object relations - this is one of the main psychoanalytic formulas for personality development. According to this theory, there is a certain core that is formed in the child’s psyche depending on the information that he receives (introjects) from the adult raising him. If a child's emotional needs are ignored, this core will become saturated with rejection.

The baby will verbally or non-verbally catch the message - “you are not there”, “you are not important”.

Speaking about rejection, it is important to remember that the little person is absolutely helpless and completely dependent on those around him. For a child’s psyche, rejection is the worst thing that can happen.

It can even lead to death. Depending on the child’s internal capabilities, his rejection can be directed either at himself or at others.

In the first case, the child has the following thoughts: “All the problems are in me, I’m not good enough” and “I put the needs of other people above my own, I lack internal support.” Such experiences lead to severe discomfort and entail a tendency to self-harm (self-harm) and even suicide. In the second case, people become unapproachable and cold. This will certainly lead to difficulties in relationships with loved ones and complicate a person’s adaptation to the world around him.

Sometimes an adult encourages only positive aspects in a child’s behavior: he ate the whole plate of porridge, brought an A from school, and does not upset the mother. And everyone else is ignored or condemned. The child’s psyche, like a sponge, absorbs these experiences: he begins to think that he exists only in those moments when he is successful.

He reads the verbal-non-verbal message: “You exist, but only partially; You have to be good to deserve attention and love.” But in reality, there are other aspects of personality that remain invisible. At first they are ignored by adults, and subsequently by the person himself.

An analogy can be drawn with how we post selfies on Instagram, trying to demonstrate ourselves from the most advantageous angle. We begin to feel that other aspects of our personality are unattractive and unworthy of attention.

American psychoanalyst Gerald Adler writes about introjective deficiency: this is a situation in which adults deprive the child of emotional support. As a result, he becomes vulnerable, he lacks internal reserve. He becomes strongly dependent on his parents, although with normal development the child strives for independence (“I myself!”).

One of the founders of the theory of object relations, British psychoanalyst Ronald Fairbairn, notes that children in this case are left without internal reserves that could support them in independent life: “They were forced to stay close to their power sources - like a driver who has no gas left. running out, he heads for the gas station.”

There is also a third “undesirable” scenario: if the parent praises the child and encourages any of his actions or whims. In this case, a spoiled child grows up, with a “crown on his head.”

A verbal-non-verbal message that a child reads from adults: “You are the best, you are the king of this world,” “Only you are important, and others are not important.” This “crown” will greatly interfere with relationships with loved ones in the future.

We have all met characters who seek to subjugate and humiliate those around them. Communication with them causes extremely unpleasant emotions. But there is also a downside. If some event shakes the self-esteem of such a person, it will greatly hurt him. After all, life did not prepare him for this.

It is important to note that in the process of growth and development, two directly opposite vectors coexist inside the child. On the one hand, there is a desire for merging, on the other, for separation and independence. Let's give a simple example: at the moment when the baby is in the mother's belly, a situation of complete fusion occurs. He is in the safest environment imaginable. And normally, all the needs of a little person are satisfied automatically.

With the successful development of events, with age a person begins to adhere to a certain golden mean. This position can be formulated as follows: “I am an individual person, with my own desires and needs, and there are also other people who have their own desires and needs. I interact with others equally, without ignoring them or relying on them excessively.” We generalize, but the essence does not change.

If a child receives inadequate feedback in childhood, a bias occurs: either towards fusion or towards absolute autonomy. In the first case, a person wants intimacy, a desire arises to “merge” with everyone around him. In the second, a person thinks that he is completely independent, and those around him do not seem to exist.

How to accept yourself and love yourself

A person can try to win the love of the crowd, he can look good in front of others, he can do good deeds, but he cannot become happy until he accepts himself. A subject becomes truly successful when he begins to like himself. Low self-esteem, dissatisfaction with external data, uncertainty, anxiety, suspiciousness - all this is a consequence of dislike for one’s own person, which prevents one from living fully.

If a person begins to wonder how to learn to accept himself, then he is moving in the right direction. Learning to live harmoniously with your own personality is quite simple. The problem may lie in the fact that the subject himself is not aware of the presence of self-dislike. More often than not, the root cause of this comes from childhood. However, in addition to this, it is possible to identify other factors that provoke non-acceptance of oneself.

Education based on the suppression of initiative, orders, criticism, lack of tenderness, forms in the child’s mind the idea of ​​one’s own personality as unworthy of love, parental care, and attention.

Another extreme form of improper upbringing—overprotection—also gives rise to self-dislike. Excessive care does not allow the little ones to make independent decisions and act independently. As a result, in adulthood, such an individual believes that he does not have enough skills to do something, lacks knowledge, lacks courage, lacks skills. This will inevitably lead to a decline in self-esteem and confidence.

Taking actions that have generated critical statements from those around you or caused your own condemnation leads, unfortunately, to a revaluation of values. Such a depressing state provokes dissatisfaction with oneself.

Inconsistency with a far-fetched ideal image is the most common factor that gives rise to non-acceptance of oneself. If a person strives for an ideal he created on his own and does not achieve what he wants, then dissatisfaction with himself comes. Also, the reason for this is often a discrepancy with the expectations of society or the image imposed by the same society or the media. The result of such an attitude is not accepting oneself as real and setting an unattainable goal.

Problems in professional activities or unpleasant incidents in personal relationships also often have a negative impact on self-perception. Separating from a partner, a quarrel with relatives, conflicts with colleagues, and the feeling of guilt generated by these events negatively affects self-esteem. Especially if an individual’s attitude towards himself is built on personal achievements.

So how to accept yourself? It’s simple, you need to love yourself, your strengths, negative traits, flaws in appearance, the beauty of your soul. Make a selection of qualities and traits that, in the individual’s opinion, hinder success, happiness, and personal life, in order to subsequently take steps to eliminate them. You need to understand that the presence of negative traits is only a reason to become better, an incentive for self-improvement, and not a reason for melancholy, despondency, whining and a depressive mood.

Love is generated by actions and is revealed in them. Initially, its seed is born with the help of its parents. After all, they love the newborn baby, take care of, play with the baby, set moral guidelines and guide, which shapes the child’s personality. In a baby who perceives the actions of his parents and feels love through them, confidence, adequate self-esteem is developed, and the position “I am worthy”, “I can handle it” is formed.

When a person loves himself, he takes actions. In other words, he does not waste time on self-flagellation, whining, complaining, trying over and over again to find what is wrong with him. He sets goals and strives to achieve them. Of course, everyone has moments of blues, but if an individual loves himself, he does not allow sadness to drag him into the pool of sadness for a long time. It must be understood that love for oneself is not synonymous with selfishness or narcissism. Because an individual who knows how to love himself also respects his surroundings. He does not try to put himself above, he interacts with society on equal terms. Thus, love for one’s own person implies self-respect, inner satisfaction with oneself, and acceptance of oneself.

Accepting yourself is painstaking and enjoyable work, requiring temporary resources and a lot of effort, but the result is worth it.

Self-acceptance is a process that occurs on several levels: physical, emotional, social, intellectual and spiritual.

Acceptance on a bodily level presupposes love for one’s own unadorned body. It is necessary to understand that the human body is a kind of temple for his soul. Caring lies in caring for the body. It involves understanding and reading all its signals (trembling, pain, tingling).

At the emotional level, acceptance implies finding a middle ground between the total suppression of emotional manifestations and states when they control the individual. You need to observe experiences, be aware of them, “catch” them, and name all the emotional manifestations that arise. This skill makes it easier to understand your own reactions, yourself, the situation and contributes to making the right decision. At the same time, you should be aware of any emotional manifestations, regardless of direction. In addition, it is recommended to avoid interaction with individuals who cause negative emotions, envious people, liars, gossipers, and eternal mourners.

At the social level, acceptance lies in the awareness of all social roles that a person loses and his position in society. You cannot compare yourself with other human subjects. You only need to compare your present self with your past and future self.

You should strive exclusively for your own, independently intended goals. Achieving other people's goals will not bring happiness, success and harmony. The intellectual tier is based on the individuality of a set of knowledge and experience. The more experienced an individual is, intellectually developed, and erudite, the easier it is for him to adapt to existence and navigate it.

There are no stupid subjects, there are only individuals who are less knowledgeable in a certain area. If an individual is unable to study a discipline, it means that this science will not be useful in life. That’s why you need to rely solely on your own interests, hobbies, passions, skills and talents. Why torture yourself by solving tedious mathematical examples, trying to extract roots and divide a polynomial into a monomial, if your soul is in philology.

On a spiritual level, self-perception implies awareness of one's own uniqueness. It is necessary to appreciate being and be grateful for the opportunity to live, see, feel harmony. You should not dwell on your own mistakes and shortcomings. All human subjects make mistakes. Any miscalculations and oversights must be perceived as learned experience, specific features that need to be analyzed, a conclusion drawn and, if necessary, corrective work carried out.

So where is the acceptance here?

Acceptance is not just praise or criticism. This is adequate feedback that helps the child see himself as a whole, and not just his “good” or “bad” sides. Accepting a child is the foundation of adequate self-esteem, the formation of the psyche without a bias towards “plus” or “minus”.

The parent acts as a “non-crooked” mirror that makes the baby visible. Not embellished, not partially visible, but simply visible. Just like we see our reflection in a mirror. Of course, we may not like something about ourselves, but we pay more attention to something. But if the child’s psyche develops normally, everything should be reflected.

What can acceptance be confused with?

Acceptance in itself is a neutral thing.

However, due to the lack of experience of full or partial acceptance, it may be perceived differently. Due to previous negative experiences, acceptance is perceived as something purely positive. What is it often confused with?

With love

If a child in childhood had the experience of rejection or partial acceptance (“you are a good son if you please your mother”), then when faced with acceptance from another person, he experiences surprise. “I’m not good enough, do I really deserve such a good attitude?” And all this taking into account the fact that acceptance is neutrality.

When a person is used to being devalued and challenged, acceptance is experienced as something extremely positive. Sometimes this is enough to make you feel important and valuable. A person may even confuse this feeling with love.

However, it should be noted that acceptance is an integral component of love.

A clear example from life: receiving acceptance is similar to going from minus to zero on a credit card. It seems that the debt has been repaid, and in contrast to what happened, this brings joy.

With humility or passivity

In our culture, humility is something associated with submitting to someone else's will against one's own, something beyond one's control. Even the phrase “I’ve come to terms with it” sounds forced and joyless. Humility is perceived as the act of suppressing one's disagreement with something.

But the process of acceptance is more about allowing than suppression. It is the process itself, as well as its result, that becomes important to us.

If humility is a position like “my friend constantly humiliates me, but how can I be angry with him if he has such a character?”, then acceptance can be expressed by saying “my friend constantly humiliates me, and I am angry with him, I will not pretend that everything is okay.” Do you feel the difference?

When we say: “I accept my friend as he is, even though he humiliates me,” this is “false acceptance,” not real acceptance. In fact, we internally react to humiliation, but we try to disguise it or deny it. But it is impossible to deceive yourself.

A similar situation arises with a person’s acceptance of his “shortcomings.” Take the current topic of body positivity. Having superficially perceived the ideas of this movement, a person learns one thing: to be dissatisfied with one’s body is wrong, we need to accept ourselves as we are. And he begins to publicly tell how he likes the “imperfections” of his body.

It's good if this is true. However, dissatisfaction is often hidden behind the noble mask of acceptance. A person is gnawed by doubts: “Here I don’t like one thing, but here I don’t like something else.” This situation can also be classified as “false acceptance.” It is important to look at the root of your dissatisfaction, and not try to mask or deny it.

To summarize what has been said, let us turn again to the words of Alexander Badkhen:

“…acceptance is different from submission to oneself or others, making excuses for shortcomings or indulging in weaknesses. Acceptance means paying calm and clear attention to both possibilities and limitations. Acceptance is about recognizing what really is. Acceptance is different from passivity and is made possible through awareness.”

TOP 10 methods for making important decisions

The key moments of life depend only on the person and the choice he makes - this is important. Some people believe that by taking advice or recommendations they are absolving themselves of responsibility. Below are methods to help you make your decision.

Method 1 – Descartes Table

As practice shows, the complex turns out to be elementary if you answer 4 questions.

Descartes' table is recognized as the best help for those who are undecided:

There may be several answers in each square. The final analysis of all the pros and cons demonstrates the best way out of a difficult situation.

Method 2 – Advice from loved ones

A person in a difficult situation is inclined to go to family or friends for help. Asking for advice is not at all shameful, and sometimes useful. It's better to ask a few friends. Those who believe in esotericism believe that in this way guardian angels have the opportunity to convey the necessary information to people with underdeveloped intuition.

Method 3 – Expanding the scope

During conscious life, an individual constantly builds walls around himself. For example, he gives an instruction: first I will make a career, then I will get married. As a result, circumstances are such that problems arise with employment, but personal life is going well. The choice is always weighed and the possibilities are considered from different angles. You can realize yourself as a specialist in marriage. Frames deprive us of the chance of getting more, we need to get rid of them.

The main thing is to stop dividing the world into black and white. For the first time, parents say this phrase, trying to help get rid of youthful maximalism. Over time, the horizons broaden, a person sees more possibilities, but at a critical moment the ability to think constructively disappears. It all comes down to “Yes” or “No” questions.

No need to get stuck, consider additional options for getting out of the situation.

Method 4 – Finding an Alternative

The more choice, the better the result. This statement does not apply to all situations, but still. When you decide to change your apartment, you shouldn’t settle for the first option you like. A competent realtor always has backup offers. Often, real estate agency employees, seeing that the client likes the property, begin to praise and push the property. Their goal is to receive a percentage of the transaction. The viewing ends when you are confident that the dream has been found. Don't pay attention to the seller's irritation.

When re-entering a university and receiving a refusal, you should think about it. Perhaps the choice was made incorrectly, the specialty is not suitable. By considering alternatives and listening to the opinions of friends, you can find a better solution.

To free the mind from an obsession, it is recommended to use the method of disappearing an option. For example, the organization to which it was planned to move closed. The inability to return to past choices forces the brain to act in new directions.

Method 5 – “Glass” by Jose Silvai

Developed by parapsychologist José Silvai, it consists of taking a glass of water before going to bed while concentrating on a problem. Drink half, convincing yourself that this is exactly what will help you make the right decision, and drink the second half in the morning immediately after waking up. It is known that this method has really helped many, but it is difficult to designate it as the only correct one. For skeptics, such a methodology will not work.

Method 6 – Stop in time

Haste always leads to wrong conclusions. Especially when there is an external factor. If there is a feeling of pressure from others or an unstable emotional state, stop. You can make a decision later. After just a few hours, the situation begins to change and a clear picture of what is happening appears.

This advice is very relevant in modern society, where psychological influence on the individual’s mind is used everywhere, especially in the field of trade. Fraudsters do not disdain them either.

Method 7 – Obtaining complete information

Often mistakes in selection are made due to lack of information. Before you make a purchase, find out everything about the product being offered; perhaps it is simply not needed or not suitable. When making an appointment with a doctor, ask for recommendations. Shyness and modesty prevent you from making the right choice. When applying for a job or during an interview, asking the manager the right question can radically change your decision. For example, asking about personal prospects in a given workplace will not yield a sincere answer. The employer will use general phrases. But by asking about the reasons for the previous employee’s dismissal, you can find out much more.

It is recommended to ask future colleagues about the enterprise as a whole and the rules in the team, if possible.

Method 8 – Calm

Excessive joy or resentment, anger, grief - these feelings have a direct impact on choice. To make the right decision, you need to calm down and distance yourself from the situation. It's not easy, but there are many techniques to help you get back into balance.

To calm down, psychologists recommend being in darkness and silence. It is not necessary to turn off the lights completely; you can simply create twilight and sit relaxed in a chair. In such an atmosphere, any irreversible combination of events ceases to be such. Scientists explain the influence of light levels on a person; bright light encourages impulsive actions, as it blinds and disorients in space. If you pay attention, many store owners use this feature for their own purposes, under the guise of wanting to demonstrate their products in the best possible way.

Deep breathing and concentration will help cope with the release of hormones. If it is possible to postpone the decision, it is worth postponing it. Over time, a cold mind will reveal hidden nuances that immediately went unnoticed.

The three-ten method is effective for a subject in rage. Ask yourself questions:

• will it be important to me in 10 minutes;
• …10 months;
• …10 years?

By consistently answering them, a person calms down and comes to a state acceptable for making decisions. This technique is used in various life situations.

Method 9 – Listen to yourself

Each of us forms life principles based on experience, passions and moral values.

The difficulty of choosing sometimes lies in the fact that the imposed opinion contradicts the internal foundations. What is good for a single man can be a problem for a married man.

Let's look at the example of workplaces: one company has a high salary, but you have to work late, sometimes at the expense of personal time. On the other, the working day is shorter, but the pay is slightly lower. If it is necessary to make a decision based on the described conditions, only individual wishes and needs are followed.

Method 10 – Intuition

Intuition or sixth sense is an excellent advisor, you just have to listen to your inner voice. Often in matters where logic fails, human instinct suggests a solution. Unfortunately, this gift is not sufficiently developed in everyone. There are skeptics who use only rational arguments. This is also not bad, but for those who learn to combine esotericism and reality, the question of choice becomes easy.

How to learn to accept?

“If I say I ‘accept’ you but don’t know anything about you, then in reality it is a superficial acceptance, and you understand that it can change if I really get to know you.”

- from Carl Rogers's book "Emerging Personality."

Acceptance is directly related to recognition.

How can I accept something about which I have only the vaguest idea?

There are two methods, it is advisable to use both.

First way. Try a new, eco-friendly method of self-digging (let’s face it, we all do it). Tell yourself: yeah, this situation (or something else) worries me, which means I reacted to something. Look, preferably in writing, for answers to the following questions.

How exactly did I react? Here it’s worth describing in detail your reactions: “I was hurt when he said the following...”, “I felt uneasy / unpleasant / scared / I’m furious.” The key is to be completely honest with yourself and not try to mask the ugly truth.

Why exactly this way and not another way? Here you don’t have to look for an exact formulation, otherwise you can go very far, it’s enough to limit yourself to assumptions.

Do I always react this way to situations like this, or was my reaction special here? Both options will work, depending on what exactly is bothering you.

Am I okay with this or do I want to change it? What do I want?

These questions will help you explore your reaction to the situation more openly.

It must be remembered that the ability to look at a problem openly is a basic, integral component of acceptance.

Second way. If some situations from this text seem familiar to you, you should think about what you missed in your time. Namely, to look for adequate feedback from the world. Turning to friends for this is a bad idea. You already have an established relationship with your friends, and any feedback will be “interested.” And in this case, you need feedback from a disinterested, but respectful person. Ideally, such a person would be a psychotherapist.

We cannot learn to accept unless we have the experience of being accepted by others. In order to accept yourself and others, you need to gain and appropriate such experience.

Of course, it is much more effective to seek answers to these questions together with a psychotherapist. But there is a high probability that you are not ready for this yet. Then try searching on your own.

How to find a way out of a difficult life situation: 3 effective ways

In the life of every person there are situations from which it would seem impossible to find a way out. In such cases, the main thing is not to give up and not lose self-confidence. To get rid of problems and stop the flow of failures, use effective methods.

Life is unpredictable. As experience shows, every person has encountered situations from which it is very difficult to find a way out. At such moments, it seems to us that it is no longer possible to return calm and harmony to our lives. However, it is not. It turns out that in many cases a person invents problems for himself, which gives rise to the feeling that a dark streak has begun in life. If you are having difficulties, do not get lost and become depressed. Instead, pull yourself together and try to resolve a difficult life situation. Three simple but effective ways will help you with this.

Method one - stop the internal dialogue

Our thoughts are not always correct and reasonable. Sometimes the inner voice is our indispensable assistant, but in difficult situations we too often succumb to emotions. Because of this, it is impossible to make the right decision.

Before you pause your internal dialogue, ask yourself again:

• What tools are available to me to solve this situation?
• Is the situation really difficult and hopeless?
• Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions?
• Are my thoughts correct in this situation?
• Is it possible to look at this situation differently?
• Is it true that my situation is so dire?
• Do my thoughts help me find a way out of this situation?

After asking yourself the above questions, try to answer each of them. After this, it very often turns out that the problem is just a figment of your imagination. In fact, your situation is not as dire as you think.

If you come to the conclusion that there really is a problem, start looking for ways to solve it. By answering the first question, you can learn what tools and options are available to you to resolve this situation.

Negative thoughts and emotions may make you feel like the situation is really difficult. However, if you can analyze it in detail, you may understand that there is a way out and it’s quite easy to find it. Answering the second question will help you figure this out.

Sometimes we can't follow the train of our thoughts. Because of this, we often make hasty decisions that are not always correct. To prevent a hasty conclusion from leading you astray, try to answer the third question.

To find a way out of the situation, you need to understand whether you are really thinking in the right direction. In some cases, it is necessary to concentrate on the problem and find different solutions to it. To do this, you need to answer the fourth question correctly.

In difficult situations, we cannot always control our thoughts, and in this case we need additional help. You should not rely solely on your own strength. You can ask for advice and support from loved ones. By answering the fifth question, you will understand whether a different way of looking at your problem is possible. Perhaps the secret to solving your problem lies precisely in this.

You should not think in advance that your situation is hopeless; very often this is not the case. Try to answer the sixth question to understand whether your situation is really terrible or whether it is just a temporary and minor difficulty that is quite easy to get rid of.

Sometimes thoughts only confuse us and do not help us find the right way out of the situation. In this case, action is required. Perhaps, by thinking about your problem once again, you are only delaying time. Having answered the last question, you can summarize and begin to solve.

Method two - rely on life experience

Every person has faced difficult situations at least once in their life. Based on life experience, you can find the right solution to a problem both in the present and in the future.

In difficult situations, you can rely not only on your own, but also on the experience of loved ones. As you already understand, at such moments the help of others will not hurt you. You can choose a friend or relative as an advisor. You need to completely open up to the person and paint a detailed picture of what is happening. To understand the complexity of this problem, ask the other person to be as frank as possible with you. Perhaps by enlisting the support and advice of another person, you can solve the problem.

If you don't want to share your problems with others, try to get the most out of your own experience. Remember: you may have had to deal with a similar problem before. Think about what advice you would give to your friend if he were in your shoes. At the moment, the solution to your problem depends only on you, and the answers to the questions posed may be hidden in your past.

Method three - find the source of the problems

Environment, work, memories of the past - all this can be the cause of your problems. You need to understand your life and understand why this situation could have arisen. If you realize that there is a burden in your life that is preventing you from moving forward, you need to get rid of it immediately, otherwise difficulties will haunt you constantly.

Try to analyze the problem again and think about what led to its occurrence. Sometimes the reason lies precisely in our environment: the friends we trust and with whom we share our experiences sometimes turn out to be not who they are trying to pretend to be. In this case, their advice and help will only harm you. As sad as it may be, in this case there is only one way out - to break off unnecessary ties. By getting rid of unhelpful relationships, you can eliminate difficulties and change your life for the better.

Work is one of the common causes of our difficulties. Pressure from superiors, intrigues of colleagues, low salaries can drive us into the most hopeless situation. Think: perhaps you are not in the right place right now. In this case, do not be afraid to change your life and feel free to go looking for a new job. It is likely that you will soon get rid of your problems and discover new talents in yourself.

Sometimes we ourselves are to blame for our troubles. We make unnecessary acquaintances, waste time and try to cling to the past. In this case, you need to do careful work on yourself. Learn to get rid of negative thoughts and make only thoughtful decisions. Always plan your actions and don’t let random situations ruin your plans. In this case, you will learn to control your life and be able to overcome any difficulties that arise along your way.

People tend to help each other in difficult situations. However, sometimes, without noticing it, we blame other people’s problems on ourselves, which is why they automatically become ours. To avoid difficulties, find out what the reason for this phenomenon is. We wish you happiness and success,

Why acceptance is a great opportunity for change

“A curious paradox arises - when I accept myself as I am, I change. I think this is what many clients' experiences, as well as my own, have taught me, and that is that we don't change until we unconditionally accept ourselves for who we really are. And then the change happens as if imperceptibly.”

- from Carl Rogers's book "Emerging Personality."

It must be emphasized here that acceptance in itself is already a change. The moment our perspective on a situation changes, new opportunities appear. This happens even before we can directly influence the problem situation.

What we end up with is that when I truly accept something, I have a choice. I can leave everything as it is (but this will no longer be a passive choice) or I can take conscious action regarding this situation.

What else to read about this:

1. Alexander Badkhen. "Lyrical philosophy of psychotherapy"
2. Gerald Adler. "Loneliness and borderline psychopathology: links to child development"
3. Carl Rogers. "Becoming a Personality"
4. Daniel P. Brown, David S. Elliott. "Adult Attachment Disorders: Treatment for Comprehensive Recovery"
5. Ronald Fairbairn. "Psychoanalytic study of personality"

Errors in accepting the situation

People who are far from the psychological-esoteric crowd confuse the concepts of “accept” and “surrender.” When someone is told to “take it,” what they mean is “sit down, put your paws down, and shut up.”

A very unpleasant prospect for any person. Few people are ready to give up the fight for their lives and their goals.

Therefore, never say such a phrase to an ordinary person!

What is the right thing to say to both yourself and someone else? How to properly set yourself up to take action and achieve results? We'll talk about this a little later in this article.

In the meantime, let's look at two more mistakes.

The phrase “accept me like this/like this” is generally used exclusively for manipulative purposes. This roughly means: “I’m in charge here and no one cares about your opinion.”

This is because human relationships are built on constant interaction and the search for balance , and this phrase is a refusal to interact, a demand to obey.

We should not set ultimatums, but learn to respectfully express and convey our desires to other people !

But we'll talk about this another time.

Some spiritually advanced people, due to a misunderstanding of the word “accept,” continue to torment themselves: “I have no money, relationships and chronic diarrhea, but I have to accept it.”

Of course, they don’t like it either, but the guru said...

So it turns out that the concept is good, but no one really uses it, because there is no correct understanding.

reflects exactly .