Despite the fact that modern society is quite developed and progressive, few can boast of definitive answers to the following questions: What is female friendship? What about the men's? If it exists, what is it?
Undoubtedly, it is quite difficult to isolate any universal formula for friendship. Against this background, it seems impossible to define friendship between a man and a woman. Does such a phenomenon really exist? How possible is such a friendship?
Male and female friendship - reality or myth?
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Let us turn immediately to the opinion of psychologists. They are sure that opposite-sex friendship is nothing more than an illusion and a disguised relationship. This is explained by the fact that when a woman trusts a man, there is a close emotional connection between them; she unconsciously treats him as a sexual partner.
At the same time, the presence of intimacy between friends is not a prerequisite. But the fact of great psychological and spiritual closeness plays a role: gradually the friend becomes the main man in the girl’s life. By nature, a woman is a monogamous creature, that is, focused on one man. Ideally, her best friend should be her husband.
Representatives of the fairer sex feel the need for spiritual intimacy with a man; it is vital for them to open their souls to him, share their emotions and experiences. This process gives women pleasure; they are assured that they are protected, feel cared for, and supported.
In the case of a friendly relationship with a stranger, the husband automatically loses his position as the only one, and his place in the girl’s soul is taken by a friend. Yes, she will continue to live with her husband, lead a common life with him, make love, however, she will not be able to fully give him her love.
Based on this, psychologists conclude that when a woman makes a friend outside the family, we are talking about the beginning of the end of a marital relationship. If the spouse does not react in time and does not take active steps, divorce is practically guaranteed.
We only talked about the weaker sex, but the situation with men is similar. Psychologists confirm that having girlfriends for a spouse is directly opposite to family happiness. Of course, if we mean a man of heterosexual orientation who has no problems with potency.
Such a man will not be able to limit himself to just friendly connections: he will develop either a physical or emotional attachment to his girlfriend. In both cases, he will find communication, relaxation and support outside the home, and he will begin to behave less trustingly with his wife, and their connection will gradually become thinner.
In general, the opinion of psychologists regarding the existence of friendship between men and women is unambiguous: given the trusting, close relationships of representatives of different sexes, sexual interest inevitably arises between them (at first it may not manifest itself explicitly, it will be hidden).
Intimate attraction is one of the manifestations of love feelings, which means that in fact we are not talking about friendship at all, but about the beginning of a romantic relationship.
Friendship between boys and girls
Very young children do not differentiate between genders and play together. At about 4 years of age, demarcation begins (ends at 7 years of age). Boys prefer to play with boys of their own kind, girls with girls. The nature of the game between the sexes becomes different. Boys run more, compete, girls play at adults, relationships. They rarely make friends with the opposite sex. However, according to psychologists, friendship between a boy and a girl only brings benefits to both. Thanks to her, children begin to understand that the sexes have a lot in common. They realize the groundlessness of stereotypical phrases like “all girls are sissies” and “boys shouldn’t cry.” They begin to see in a guy or girl a unique personality, a non-stereotypical representative of the “alien” sex. Such friendship teaches you to tolerate differences and better understand the other. In the future, this will help build healthier relationships with your lover, spouse, and work colleagues.
Friendships between boys and girls are often complicated by those around them. Other children ridicule such relationships; adults do not necessarily support them. But there are more and more parents who realize the importance of friendship between the sexes for the normal development of the child.
In adolescence, children begin to be sharply attracted to the “unfamiliar” gender. If teenagers have stereotypical attitudes towards girls and boys, it's extremely difficult to just be friends. However, such friendships are very useful for teenagers. It deals a crushing blow to the stereotypical perception of reality. When teenagers grow up, they will calmly treat a girl driving, a man changing diapers, a lady programmer, a guy florist. Such friendly relationships will teach you to notice the inner world, character, and talents in others, and not just pay attention to the external attributes of “real” females and males.
Friendship between a man and a woman - sometimes it happens
But sometimes there are exceptions to the rules. According to psychologists, in very rare cases, men and women can maintain friendly relations, however, they themselves strongly do not welcome such a situation. We are talking about single people who do not have a permanent relationship.
True, such a friendship will last exactly until the appearance of a loved one in the life of a loved one or the development of a friendly relationship into a love one.
In other situations, opposite-sex friendships are always accompanied by interest and sympathy for a friend. This is confirmed by numerous examples from life. For example, when a girl is in a relationship and begins to communicate closely with a stranger.
As soon as a quarrel arises in her couple, she will turn to a friend for support, because she knows that he will understand and support.
It is possible that in the future she will prefer to receive attention, care, and consolation from a friend rather than from a guy. And even if initially she did not have any thoughts about cheating or leaving her loved one, over time her friend turns into an excellent “alternate airfield.” As soon as something goes wrong in a relationship, you can immediately switch to the other side.
There are also cases when dishonest girls use a friend of the opposite sex for selfish purposes: to receive gifts, courtship, money from him. But they themselves keep it at a distance, in general, they use it.
In especially rare cases, it happens that partners have a close friend or girlfriend on their side, but none of the participants in the situation experiences discomfort. We are talking about the so-called “Karpman triangle”, when one of the participants plays the role of an aggressor (pursuer), the second is a victim, and the third is a rescuer. Psychologists find this model of relationships destructive, since each participant invariably changes roles with others. As a result, a vicious circle is created, from which it is difficult to get out.
The only real option for friendship between a man and a woman, which has no pitfalls, aims exclusively at communication - a friendly relationship with a representative of a different sexual orientation. Mostly found in scenarios where a married girl has a gay friend.
If your chosen one requires friendly communication with people of the opposite sex, this behavior signals a lack of attention, trust, and care in your relationship. It’s worth thinking about it, analyzing the situation, and talking frankly to clarify all the points.
Why do we choose attractive friends?
Researchers say we subconsciously look for attractive friends. This means that romantic feelings between friends of the opposite sex can arise because there is already something about our friend that we find seductive. Scientists do not exclude that friendship with a member of the opposite sex can make your romantic life really difficult.
According to Antonia Abbey, romantic feelings between friends of the opposite sex can develop over time. You may think that you are just friends, but at some point everything can change. By the way, the results of some studies say that the strongest couples are created by people who have been in strong friendships for a long time.
Types of heterosexual friendship
In psychology, there are several options for friendly relations between men and women.
"Friends from the cradle"
Maybe not exactly from the cradle, but, say, from kindergarten or first grade of school. Often, as they grow older, they remain attached to each other.
If it does not develop into something more, it can quickly end with the advent of the personal life of one of the friends. Or the communication of childhood friends gradually exhausts itself: meetings become rare, and people move from the category of friends to acquaintances.
Former lovers
Not all couples part as bitter enemies - sometimes it is difficult to completely destroy ties, so faded romantic feelings turn into friendship. Although, of course, there is no guarantee that one fine day the former lovers will not decide to restore their relationship and get together.
Friends and colleagues
Work takes up a lot of time for adults. If, due to their duties, a man and a woman often have to intersect, perform common tasks, and help each other, friendly relations can begin between them. Sometimes it’s difficult to classify them as friendship, and sometimes it all comes down to starting a romantic relationship, even marriage.
One of my friends is secretly in love
As a rule, this is a guy. If he likes a girl, but she does not reciprocate, he can begin to “be friends” with her, although deep down in his heart he hopes for something more.
A lady often allows such a development of events, especially if she is lonely: she is flattered to receive constant courtship, care, gifts, especially when nothing is required of her in return.
Friends-lovers
Such “friendly” relationships are rare among adults; they are more typical for teenagers and young adults of different sexes. We are talking about sex “as friends”, without serious obligations.
Usually the described connection is short-lived: either friends realize that they should be together, or the passion fades and the relationship fizzles out. In addition, girls rarely agree to be “friends” in this format, because for them intimacy evokes strong feelings and attachment to the guy.
Chance meeting
You met, for example, through the Internet. And somehow it immediately became clear that you were very comfortable together. You can discuss everything in the world, understand each other’s humor, find many common interests, and so on. But there is no trace of an erotic spark - you perceive a man solely as a person, and not as an object of desire, and he does the same for you. You can have a wonderful time, listen to each other’s experiences, help in difficult situations, sleep in the same bed after a certain number of cocktails - and continue to be friends. Because it is your communication and mutual understanding that is important to you. Love doesn't always mean sex. As well as vice versa.
conclusions
Is there friendship between a man and a woman? Psychologists are clear - more likely no than yes. Heterosexual representatives of different sexes invariably experience sexual attraction, and relationships from friendships risk developing into something more.
There are exceptions: for example, in the case of gay friends, or friends from school. True, in the latter version, communication usually transforms into purely friendly, superficial communication, which can hardly be called friendship.
How not to ruin a long-term friendship?
Don't provoke . Some women like to test their charms on friends: flirting, advances, coquetry, seductive gestures... A man’s eyes light up and he perceives the provocation as a call to action.
If you really value friendship, find another object to experiment with.
Know the limits . This is especially true for revelations about personal life and intimate preferences. You can try on underwear with your girlfriend or discuss lovers - she understands everything correctly.
Men, on the other hand, cannot escape their physiology: it will be difficult for them to get rid of the memories of how “just a friend” paraded in a sexy set that did not hide anything, because “she needs an outside opinion.”
And it’s simply inconvenient to discuss positions from the Kama Sutra or fantasies with a person who is not your sexual partner.
If you don't want to ruin your friendship, be careful. This is balancing on the edge of an abyss: one wrong word or move - and a fall is inevitable. And nothing can be returned back!
Alarm bells that should alert you:
- excessive attention from a friend;
- gifts for no reason (courtship);
- your friend avoids companies and tries to spend more time alone with you;
- an interest in your hobbies and interests has appeared, although previously he only frowned when he heard the word “fitness” or “IT courses”;
- he strives to maintain tactile contact;
- Unmotivated irritation appears if you talk about other men.
What's happened? Yes, love just replaces friendship. And what to do with it is up to you
Transformation of friendship into love
Common cases:
- Youth is considered a period of spontaneous emergence of feelings; romantic relationships fit perfectly into this state. The romance that arises between young people can also suddenly disappear, so the issue should be taken responsibly.
- Getting married - there is a high probability that a woman will want to register a relationship. During a friendship, a person can be studied very well. Men approach the issue of marriage differently, so the man should be the first to speak about the need to get married.
- An unhappy marriage, a bad relationship with a partner - a friend can be an excellent reason to get out of an unfavorable situation. It must be taken into account that there is a risk of losing a loved one if romance with him fails.
