Black cat
When a family breaks up, the spouses say that they no longer understand each other. If work colleagues separate, it means a black cat ran between them. That is, hostility, alienation and even ill will towards each other suddenly appeared. And in general there is complete misunderstanding.
What is understanding? This is one of the most pressing problems in the world today. Without this, it is impossible to establish relations either between individuals or between entire countries.
But let's start with the scientific definition. What is understanding in philosophy? This is such a universal operation of our thinking that assimilates new content and includes it in the system of already established concepts and ideas. In essence, it is the result of the perception of speech, some kind of message. This includes information, various knowledge about the surrounding or internal world of a person.
So if you want to be understood from the first word, learn to clearly express your feelings and thoughts.
How to achieve mutual understanding in your relationship
It is mutual understanding in a relationship that gives a relationship a great boost to a positive balance. And if this does not happen, simply put, the family may collapse.
Misunderstanding of each other leads to constant conflicts, which intensify even more every day, and not only the husband and wife suffer, but also the rest of the family members. And then you need to think about what to do, how to achieve mutual understanding in the relationship.
1.
Respect is one of the main components in relationships. Attention to each other, trusting glances, warm touches will strengthen trusting relationships;
2.
Joint activities - clean the apartment together, choose places for active recreation together, visit your parents together;
3.
Explore each other’s desires and pamper your partner with unexpected pleasant surprises: your favorite movie in the cinema, going to a concert together, and even banal visits to markets;
4.
To achieve mutual understanding in a relationship, tell each other frank things more often: such conversations will help each other understand and avoid awkwardness if any incident occurs;
5.
In no case should you use against each other in a quarrel what is secretly shared with you by a loved one. You will anger him and lay a stone wall between you;
6.
Always remember only what attracted you to your chosen one. Let go of everything else: quarrels, hostility and other troubles. Don't focus your attention on them - they destroy love. Just goodbye.
7.
Create your own family holidays, unique only to your family. Such traditions will strengthen relationships;
8.
Learn to give in to each other. It is impossible to achieve mutual understanding in a relationship if you fight to the death for the right to impose your opinion. Your love is more important than a sofa or a TV model;
9.
Always speak tactfully to each other. This will strengthen mutual understanding and mutual respect in your family;
10.
Don’t avoid your partner’s problems, saying it’s just his business. Be patient and be there, support the person you love, even if you can’t change anything;
11.
Continue to explore each other sexually. Don't be afraid to experiment! Such moments make you even closer and more united, because you are connected by unforgettable sensations from intimacy.
12.
And remember, nothing is more important than your love. Take care of her!
Only together with others
Any success is based on good relationships at home or at work. And if you consider that all people are different, then it is very important to be able to establish contact with them. How to do it? Of course, intuitively, each of us feels when it is necessary, for example, to remain silent or support another, to somehow help him out. That is, understand.
In general, what is understanding? This is the definition. This is a special quality of personality, the ability to comprehend and realize the motives of another’s behavior. Also the ability to explain and pass through your mind and heart the state in which your interlocutor is.
Probably everyone has met people who immediately “see” a person in his difficulties and aspirations; they can quickly discern his soul and sympathize. Life experience tells them the right move. And this is good.
However, in practical psychology there are several effective techniques. They can be mastered. Then your contacts with others will become warmer, friendlier, and stronger. And next to like-minded people you can move mountains.
Meaning of the word perceive
For sorcerers, perceiving energy as it moves through the universe means that energy is perceived in non-idiosyncratic, special configurations that constantly repeat themselves, and this can be perceived in the same way by those who see.
As a result, a situation arose when the Westernized world began to be perceived as the “norm”, and everything that remained outside its zone of influence was perceived as an “anomaly”; This is how the understanding of the “negative exceptionalism” of Russia was formed as a country unwilling (or unable) to perceive the “obvious” achievements of civilization.
They argued about what the “total man”, consisting of a universal chain of sub-people coexisting in different sub-worlds, should perceive, and whether the “lower” sub-“I” can know and perceive what knows and perceives him more perfect “I”, and if yes, then doesn’t this knowledge come from the mysterious region of the _supraconscious_, as a vague intuitive knowledge...
In the society of the Performance, people lose the ability to perceive reality the way they perceived it before - based on social and personal relationships, knowledge and experience - and begin to perceive it exclusively based on “pictures”, from the ways of representing the subject on television.
He had to perceive the entire world around him in its smallest form - be it a crack on a stone, the changing color of silt, sand nailed to a plant - and take it seriously, as children take everything seriously, so that he, with no one and no one, not connected with anything, not responsible for anything else anywhere, could at least somehow hold on, no matter for whom; and sometimes he even succeeded, although at the same time he always had to fiercely overcome himself.
How should I perceive it? The Buddha answered Subhuti: “The title of this sutra is “The Diamond Prajnaparamita”*25, and under this title and in accordance with it you should perceive it.
A living being can perceive and love the universe, but the universe cannot perceive and love a living being.
Who began to perceive Free Love as an extreme form of sexual promiscuity, characteristic of fallen people, who began to perceive it in a Christian-Platonic form.
This reason is that medical science can only perceive from the outside, can only perceive bodily manifestations - and from the outside only illness can be understood.
Thus, the physical body has the potential to perceive only a few material dreams of the Earth; the vital body contains within itself the ability to perceive vital worlds, the mind contains within itself the ability to dream a certain number of mental worlds.
Emotional background
If we talk about what understanding is in a relationship, then you need to know the following. The psychology of relationships touches on many different issues: social circle, emotional background, influence on another person, and so on. All this is relevant for both adults and children.
To make relationships with others smoother and kinder, you need to understand these people. And when you understand, you begin to involuntarily treat them with respect and tolerance. This gives rise to the same feelings and actions in response.
You ask: “What is human understanding?” A very important principle of relationship psychology. After all, empathy and harmony appear. And this is equally comfortable for the communicating parties. And everyone is then interested in maintaining such connections. Everyone values them and tries to keep them for a long time and not lose them.
Understanding - what should we do to be understood?
Natalya Rodionova (Ekaterinburg) - psychologist, trainer at the Relationship Centers talks about what understanding is.
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Today we will talk about what to do to be understood. And what is understanding?
At several recent trainings, I noticed that people talk a lot about how, in order to be happy, they lack understanding, and understanding to a greater extent from people close to them. And there is a phrase that many have heard: “Happiness is when they understand me.”
And I wondered what understanding is in general, how people perceive it. And, most likely, “understanding” is when we feel heard, when people meet our desires, our needs, when they do for us what is really important to us, and when they join us emotionally. And the last element - emotional connection - is the most important point that gives us the opportunity to feel understood.
I run the children’s camp “The World of My Dream,” and not so long ago the topic arose in this camp: “What is respect? What is understanding? When we began to examine this question of what this process of understanding actually consists of, the children named a lot of behavioral signs. But they don’t work if there is no inner respect and inner attitude towards the other person.
For example, we feel that we are interested when people look at us. But you can also look at it with different eyes. Sometimes in this look one can read sympathy, interest, the very understanding that we are talking about. And sometimes we clearly see, although the person does not declare it, we see that mentally he is somewhere far away. Those. he looks at us, but, for example, he thinks about what to cook for dinner or how tomorrow’s meeting will go. The same goes for what we do. We can listen carefully, we can understand the content of the conversation, literally repeat to the person what he said word for word, but at the same time the other person will not feel understood and heard.
So what should you do to be understood? The most important thing is to understand yourself, because if we don’t understand ourselves, then no matter how hard we try, others won’t be able to help either. Another important aspect... Understanding is more about interaction between people - you cannot sit somewhere alone on an inhabited island and expect that someone understands me. And the second aspect that I want to talk about is to understand why I am communicating with this person and what I want to get from this communication. Because very often we declare with words some of our desires or intentions, but inside we have something completely different.
And, for example, if I miss someone and want to spend time with him, I want to communicate, but for some reason I’m embarrassed to ask and look for some excuse to get his attention. For example, the quarterly report is in front of my nose, let me go and get some advice about this report. I come for advice about the quarterly report - the meeting takes 2 minutes, naturally I received a couple of tips, but there was a certain feeling inside. Sadness from the fact that I didn’t get what I wanted. At the same time, I got the result that I declared out loud. Everything is in order with the report, but I didn’t receive this warmth, spiritual closeness, I didn’t have enough of it.
Therefore, it is very important to understand what I really want - either to solve some production issue, or something more emotional. And if you lack this warmth, I am now talking primarily about close relationships, because if these relationships are more formal, more distant, then completely different principles apply and, as they say, I came with a specific request, received an answer to my request, I went on to act. In close relationships, it is important to be interested in the other person too.
If I want to receive some kind of warmth, and I come to my loved one for this (my mother, husband, wife, child, maybe), then it is important to ask, but right now this person is ready to devote time to me or from him Now there are some other processes that are difficult for him to break away from and difficult for him to connect to my interests 100%.
At the “Secrets of Child Behavior” training, we always talk about the importance of knocking on a person’s door, asking him whether he is ready to talk or not. And this question: “Can you give me some time? Can I talk to you?" - it’s like a knock on the soul, like a knock on the room, when we ask “can I come in?” And this helps to ensure that further conversation is more sincere, closer, more open.
And, of course, what helps us feel understood and heard are feelings, because if there is understanding at the intellectual level (head), we understand what the person is talking about, and I can repeat it back to him. That connection at the sensory level (soul), it has a more pronounced effect, and this is exactly what allows you to feel understood.
Thus, in order to understand ourselves better, so that others understand us better, so that we understand others better, in close relationships it is important to talk about feelings, what we feel, what we experience, what worries us, what makes us happy, what upsets us , which, on the contrary, inspires us. This is something that may take a little time (conversations on these topics), but this is what generates within us a feeling of emotional fullness, a feeling of closeness, a feeling of warmth and a feeling of being understood. Because sometimes just two words are enough and the other person feels that we understand him. And it becomes easier for him to communicate with people further or to go communicate with other people, with those who did not understand him before us, and build those relationships that will inspire and delight him. Those close relationships that are important to him.
This is what I wanted to talk about today. Those thoughts that I wanted to share. Thank you for your attention, and see you again!
Author: psychologist Natalya Rodionova (Ekaterinburg) GRC - Relationship Centers
Your position
What is understanding in real life and every day? This is our specific behavior. We must learn to accept our neighbors, workmates, even casual acquaintances, not to mention our family members, for who they are. At the same time, you may not approve of someone’s behavior at all. But it’s better to understand that he is completely different, not your copy, and therefore very different from you. You may disagree with his opinions, words, habits, hobbies - please. It is your right. But you simply must respect his values. That's all. This is enough to establish the most wonderful relationship between you.
understanding
☼ method substantiating the methodology. autonomy of the humanities (“spiritual sciences”); P. is opposed to explanation (see Explanation) in natural. sciences (generalizing interpretation of observational facts in the categories of general patterns and statistical regularities).
Although dep. P.'s points were discussed by thinkers already in the 18th century. — I.G. Herder, J. Vico (for example, the so-called “Vico’s axiom”: “we understand only what we are able to do ourselves”), later - Schleiermacher, as well as representatives of the so-called. history schools (L. Ranke, I.G. Droyzen), however, as independent. theoretical and methodological P.'s problem was posed by Dilthey (see Dilthey). Its occurrence can be considered intelligence. reaction to the limitations of anthropopol. Enlightenment models (“reasonable egoism”, homo economicus) and the collapse of teleological. versions of history (progressive or providentialist, including the Hegelian system of speculative idealism). Dilthey, insisting on the self-worth and self-sufficiency of history. and the cultural world, set a new task for philosophy - the construction of a system of knowledge, the subject of which would be “the whole person in all the diversity of his powers” (“philosophy of life” as the value basis for the study of culture). Knowledge in the “spiritual sciences” was supposed to reconnect theory. and practical reason, separated by Kant; therefore, it is aimed not at identifying causal dependencies and general laws of what is happening, but at the individual’s understanding of his own. life. Through self-knowledge and assimilation of history. knowledge (understanding the creative acts of others, someone else's mental life, someone else's worldview), human autonomy is achieved - his freedom from dogmatics. constraint of existence, openness to the fullness of experiencing life as the ultimate value. “The sciences of the spirit differ from the sciences of nature in that the latter take as their subject facts given to consciousness from the outside, as phenomena, discretely. On the contrary, the former have as their subject facts that appear in consciousness as internal. reality, primary and living interconnection. We explain nature, we understand mental life.” The difference between them is not ontological, but methodological - natural. sciences presuppose and require the exclusion of the subject's experience, and, on the contrary, history. and social sciences - including it in the flow of diversity, irrationality. and never fully comprehended life. This existential act of experiencing internal. the formation of life is accompanied by reflection of freedom and makes it possible in one way or another to qualify the phenomenality of the psyche, comprehended in intuition, into internal. contemplation and experience. Therefore, Dilthey puts forward intuition as a third method (along with induction and deduction). Ch. The task of science becomes the interpretation of the “meaning” of structural interconnectedness. components of experiences, which may include radicals or parts of more general systems (“cultural organisms”) - political, religious, economic. and other structures, as well as the “congenial” interpretation of “manifestations of the spirit”, which implies “creative.” the researcher’s reproduction in his soul of “psychic. states of other individuals” (by analogy with one’s previous experience).
P.'s idea stimulated the methodol. emancipation of a number of sciences and normative disciplines, for which the purely positivist Paradigm is nomological. knowledge seemed inadequate - history, philology, cultural anthropology, aesthetics, pedagogy, law. The key principles for them were the principles of hermeneutics (see Hermeneutics), outlined in the late works of Dilthey. “Artist. we call the understanding of written life manifestations exposition... The art of exposition is the basis of philology. And the science of this art is hermeneutics.” A similar program was adopted by new philosophy, in particular, phenomenology (the idea of Husserl’s “life world” (see Life World, Husserl) as the basis for mutual understanding of individuals), Heidegger’s fundamental hermeneutics (the ontological role of linguistic structures), but into positive science in this form She really never moved on, despite the fact. the efforts made to develop it by E. Betti and, especially, Gadamer.
First of all, technology itself remained declarative and undeveloped. side of the hermeneutics procedure, which was hampered by its psychol. Dilthey's justification. Psychologism provoked sharp criticism of the Baden school of neo-Kantianism (see Neo-Kantianism), and later of the emerging sociology. Rickert, sharing the idea of methodological originality of history (idiographic) sciences, insisted on logical. P.’s character: “Simple empathy always remains incomprehensible. The sphere of the understood is the sphere of non-feelings. states of consciousness, sphere of logical. abstractions. The act of experiencing...is an “interpretation” of the concept of experiencing in its relation to [cultural] values.” A way out of a situation that threatens psychol. solipsism, he saw the need for a clear awareness of the method. differences in constructions of generalization and general significance, edges represent the power of action, the projection of cultural values onto history. material. Thus, he brought the problems of P. out of the psychological sphere. reality of mental life. “The mental can never be common to many individuals... Where this is neglected, feelings are confused. being with the insensible, which we do not perceive, but understand (interpret).” Empirical (not dogmatic, not normative) science should take into account not the whole individual or the diversity of manifestations of his personality, but only that unit of behavior that is accessible to fixation, which is covered by the concept of “action”, whose meaning is “culturally significant” (determined by the strength of universally significant values cultures crystallizing in the flow of historical events). Understanding the meaning presupposes interpretation (see Interpretation), conceptual elements and constructions are given by a logical “attribution” to cultural values. However, Troeltsch already pointed out that they contain. and theor. contradictions arising from Rickert's concept of P.: the system of values, which becomes the basis for the interpretation of cultural phenomena and artifacts, diverges from the idea of history. variability, continuous transformation of reality. Attempts to get out of this dilemma, offering discrete substantive interpretations of culture, for example, in the spirit of cosmos, serving as a general scale or context for the interpretation of separate ones. cultural circumstances, or their cycles (Spengler, Danilevsky, Toynbee, etc.), provoked sharp objections from the empirical. cultural researchers - historians, sociologists, accusations of metaphysics or a penchant for ideals. speculation on social history. Although it cannot be denied. the suitability of these approaches for describing local cultural systems or communities (primarily “primitive” or traditional cultures), they turn out to be completely inadequate for the study of complex, highly differentiated and heterogeneous modern cultures. society
Psychologism (in its early versions) as a conceptual basis for psychology, based on the experience of the most obvious and, in this regard, the most trivial semantic relationships, has been preserved only in those humanities disciplines that are concerned with the problems of preserving cultural heritage, and not in theory. innovation, cognitive rigor, correctness of analysis, namely: in philology, aesthetics, art history, and others. versions of their philosophical and methodological justification (philosophy of life, neo-Hegelianism (see Neo-Hegelianism), phenomenology, especially early phenomenology, hermeneutics, etc.). For those more advanced in epistemology. In relation to the sciences that moved to formalize their subject of research, these general principles were completely insufficient.
Most rational the solution to this problem was given by Weber, Max, who put the principle of understanding at the basis of his “understanding sociology as an empirical. science of culture". Weber combined both approaches—Dilthey’s and Rickert’s. He considered actual knowledge to be a prerequisite for knowledge, i.e. directly comprehension of psychic states of another, based on our everyday experience and practicality. life, the opportunity in fantasy, trained by everyday experience, to internally reproduce the motives and states of other characters, to take them into account in one’s behavior. However, this kind of P. is not sufficient for scientific knowledge, since it determines only the most general probability and the limits of our penetration into someone else's interior. world. According to Weber, intuitionists (followers of Dilthey, phenomenologists, etc.) confuse two circumstances - psychol. process of experiencing and logical. P. process, knowledge about it. Analytical unit with which empirical work works. social researcher, Weber considers “social action” (behavior in this case is too amorphous a category, with an undefined structure and duration of action), i.e. such an action, which is constituted by an orientation towards another (takes into account the reactions of the actual or intended partner). What can be understood is defined by him as the “subjectively posited [by the actual] meaning” of a social action, typically the value-normative structures of the semantic relationship of social interaction (including social expectations, definitions of the situation, motives for action). The more regular and ordered these structures of social interaction are, the more accessible they are to the understanding of the researcher. The researcher’s attention, therefore, is focused not on the actual processes of understanding (“co-experience”), but on the procedures of explanatory interpretation, the interpretation of this semantic relationship, the construction of logical structures of social action (interaction), which make it possible to establish in accordance with the research task ( value-based cognitive interest of the researcher) certain dependencies between diff. components of the interaction structure (causal, functional, etc.). The effectiveness of sociological, historical, cultural. analysis is due to the ability to record and conceptually develop various. forms of social action, each of which represents a type. the construction of actually observed acts of social interaction. Neither modern Weber, nor subsequent sociology (much less other disciplines) were unable to meet Weber's program of social sciences; there was a significant simplification and vulgarization of its methodology. concepts. Of the many forms of social action he described, only the four-member typology of social action has become famous: goal-oriented, value-oriented, traditional. and affective action, with which the modern arsenal is actually exhausted today. social sciences. The last two, in his opinion, represent limiting cases of understandable action. The most accessible for adequate P. and explanation is celerac. action (the subjectively assumed meaning of which is structured by the motive of achieving goals with clearly defined and conscious means, taking into account side circumstances and consequences of achieving goals - the most characteristic model of behavior for institutionalized structures of rationality, for example, economic or cognitive activity, behavior in formal bureaucratic .organizations, etc.). The design of precisely this type of action, “free” from dep. kind of "irrat." disturbances and factors, cultural conventions (ideology, collective loyalties and solidarity, affects, etc.), legitimized by societies. consciousness of the New Time as “natural.” a model of a person and a prescriptive norm for the behavior of his actions (although this type of action in itself represents a case of extreme institutional ordering of behavior). Besides Weber, only his contemporary, Simmel, was concerned with the issues of conceptualizing the forms of social interaction (and, accordingly, P.), who brought to the fore the task of analytical. P.’s descriptions of complex, “recurrent” structures of cultural behavior, the meaning of which involves the formation of norms and rules of action for partners during the interaction itself, procedures for their coordination and acceptance by both partners (such as aesthetic action, fashion, creativity, coquetry, closed society, etc.).
Subsequently, interest in the problem of P., characteristic of the period of formation and constitution of the social sciences and the advancement of new paradigms of social knowledge, begins to fade. Already in phenomenological sociology of Schutz and his followers (ethnomethodologists), the structure of P. is reduced to taking into account the reciprocity of perspectives of actors, procedures for typing constructions of reality that serve as the framework of P. In this case, the problem itself loses its theory. complexity: the connection of “understanding” with questions typol. methods, with rationality and its structure, the role of theory. values in the structure of scientific explanation, etc. In the present. At the time, the appeal to the problems of P. in the social sciences - sociology, economics, history, cultural anthropology, etc. - is already purely ritual, historical. or ped. character. At the same time, philosophical and methodological. crisis in natural sciences, designated as the heterogeneity of scientific paradigms, was accompanied by growing interest in identifying semantic structures that integrate the body of theories. knowledge - cultural, rhetorical, axiomatic. and the self-evident foundations of the language of description and explanation, and, accordingly, the recognition of the constitutive significance of acts of P. in modern. epistemological practice.
Lit.
: Ionin L.G. Understanding sociology. M., 1979; Gudkov L.D. Metaphor and rationality as a problem of social epistemology. M., 1994; Dilthey W. Gesammelte Schriften. Bd. 1. Lpz, 1922; Bd. 5. V., 1924; Bd. 7. Stuttg.; Gott., 1963; Schelting Av Max Webers Wissenschaftslehre: Das logischen Problem des historischen Kulturerkenntnis. Tub., 1934; Rickert H. Unmittelbarkeit und Sinndeutung. Tub., 1939; Bollnow OF Das Verstehen. Mainz, 1949; Gadamer H.-G. Wahrheit und Methode. Grundzuge einer philosophischen Hermeneutik. Tub., 1975; Hermeneutik als Weg heutiger Wissenschaft. Salzburg; Munch., 1971; Verstehende Soziologie: Grundzuge und Entwicklungstendenzen. Munch., 1972
L.D. Gudkov.
Cultural studies of the twentieth century. Encyclopedia. M.1996
Five Keys
However, to truly deeply understand another, you need to know and follow five important principles.
1. Understand and recognize the potential of another person. Each person born has their own capabilities and reserves - mental, physical, everyday. Sometimes he doesn't even realize them. The school didn’t help to reveal them, the parents also missed them. But if you start approaching this person, thinking that he is capable of more, better, then all these qualities will appear in him. People need your faith, your helping hand, to change their lives.
2. You must be able to listen. We all seem to communicate a lot, but somehow incompletely. You tell him, but he doesn’t hear. Doesn't apply to your situation. Thinks about his own things. Your problems are brushed aside. Doesn't try to help. And if it were otherwise, barriers between people would fall.
3. No need to give grades. If someone considers everyone else inferior to himself, then he is no longer interested in the interlocutor. And he doesn’t want to have any serious involvement in it. People usually immediately begin to evaluate strangers. And they are judged by their first impression. And this only takes half a minute. Then the established opinion is very difficult to change. But we must try to understand the person. Find out his views and beliefs. It is precisely this path that reveals, for example, in a new employee what was initially hidden.
4. Always be honest and open. Why pretend? This will only make your life more difficult. Always tell the truth. Let's say you don't like this person, but you claim that, on the contrary, you really like him. But your eyes, gestures, that is, non-verbal communication, will give you away. Only sincere feelings give meaning to contacts with others. So don't be afraid to be yourself.
5. Help others become better people. To do this, you need to create an environment in which a person will relax and begin, without hiding, to talk to you openly and friendly.
Nothing can be better than a good relationship. You only understand this when they are spoiled. How can I get everything back? This is very problematic.
Why is there no understanding between a man and a woman?
The thinking of men and women is different, which often leads to misunderstanding of each other. It happens that we ask the question: “Why doesn’t he (she) understand me?” But rarely do we find the answer. And the gap in our relationship continues to widen. Which in the future, of course, leads to even greater quarrels and conflicts. In order to leave this negative process behind, we will find the reasons for misunderstanding and methods for solving them. The reasons for not understanding each other in a relationship is the difference in the way a girl and a guy think. Indeed, male logic is quite different from female logic.
Let's consider the differences in the thinking of males and females:
1. The thinking of men, like women, has been developed since ancient times. In ancient times, men were hunters, and the main task was to bring food home. During the hunt, we had to see the target, analyze it (whether we need to hunt this or that animal) and make decisions (to take action or not). In the modern world, hunting is just a hobby for a very small number of people. Well, the way of thinking has not changed and it can be divided into three stages. At the first stage, a man, in the process of solving a particular problem, first concentrates his attention on it. Then it analyzes, that is, collects all the pros and cons: arguments and facts. Well, then he makes decisions.
2. A woman’s thinking is different from a man’s thinking. Women are very emotional by nature and can often make decisions based on emotions. In the process of solving a particular problem, a woman’s brain often switches between the left and right hemispheres. The left hemisphere is responsible for logic and analysis. But the right hemisphere is responsible for processing information in symbols, pictures, as well as emotions. That is, in the process of searching for a solution, a woman often misses the 2nd stage inherent in a man - analyzing the problem. That is, a woman forgets to provide arguments and facts, because on an emotional level she knows that this is what her heart advises her to do.
As you have already understood, in relationships between the two sexes, differences in thinking often prevent the achievement of understanding. But each thinking has its advantages. Girls develop intuition, which helps to do without analyzing information. For example, a woman can instantly make the right decision. A man needs to weigh everything and think it over. And, conversely, when a woman comes to a store with a large assortment, she gets lost. A man, after analyzing the information, can make a correct and informed decision.
The reason for the disagreement is also the structured psychology of men and women. Women are more emotional than men because they simply need communication. It's no secret that girls love with their ears, and guys with their eyes. That’s why girls want communication after a busy day at work. Well, silence for the men so that they can analyze everything that happened during the day. This is often the reason why discord occurs in the family. Therefore, a smart woman needs to pause for 10-20 minutes, and a smart man needs to listen to his wife.
Ways to achieve understanding between a man and a woman:
1. Do not insult or humiliate each other. You can't insult someone because of a different point of view. You just need to listen to the opinions of your other half and say yours. Weigh all the pros and cons and make decisions together.
2. A simple expression of emotions can help resolve a conflict with a woman. If in the process of solving a problem you have discord, then take advantage of the fact that a woman’s brain switches between the left and right hemispheres. Just come up, hug and kiss her. Believe me, it will become easier for everyone, and then the problem will become a trifle.
3. If a man falls into deep thought during a dialogue, then support him. Tell him that he is very smart and knows how to make the right decisions. It is very important for a man to feel important in the family. After all, it is true what they say: behind a strong man there is an equally strong woman.
I will give one example from life. In one family there were constant conflicts and quarrels. And there is peace and harmony among the neighbors. The man from the first family could not stand it and went to the neighbors’ house to see why they were living so well. He looks out the window and sees a neighbor walking along the corridor of the house and overturning a bucket of water. After which he approached his wife and said: “It’s my fault, because I turned over the bucket of water.” And his wife answered him: “Don’t be sad, it’s my fault. After all, it was I who placed the bucket in the corridor.” After which they hugged and each continued their business. After looking at all this, the husband returned home. And his wife asks him, because she really wants to know why everything is so good with them. And the husband says to his wife: “They are always both wrong, but we are always both right.” So in life, we often prove that we are right and forget about our loved ones.
Remember that in family relationships it is important not to prove that you are stronger in some way, but it is important to remember your partner’s weaknesses and support him at the right time.
Comments:
My home is my castle
Correct definition. If everything is fine at home, then you feel happy. And this is possible only under one condition - when there is understanding in the family.
A calm atmosphere, love and care from your family also influence your position at work. You come not angry or gloomy, but cheerful and responsive, ready to help. And your labor productivity is high. And in general, life is wonderful! Now, of course, it is clear to you what understanding is and how great its role is in our lives.
It’s really bad when there’s discord in the house. Either between spouses, or between parents and children. The reason is the same - there is no mutual understanding, no respect for the interests and concerns of others.
Children are on their own
Today, life is such that adults and children are at home at the same time on average for no more than two hours - with the exception, of course, of sleeping. And they communicate even less.
Working mothers can devote 30 minutes to their son or daughter - no more. No intimate conversations, no discussion of children's problems. But comments about the child’s behavior are usually very categorical. Some adults simply do not consider it necessary to “stoop” to their problems. For them personally, yes, they have serious concerns, but for their children, it’s nonsense. Only the spiritually blind can treat their loved ones this way. And then in old age they complain that their children have forgotten them.
There will be real live communication - all rough edges, quarrels, conflicts will disappear. And then everyone will rush home in the evening, where they can just have a heart-to-heart talk.
The beginning of agreement
This is what Spinoza wrote about understanding. How to learn not to provoke conflicts? Quarrels break out when everyone has different opinions and people argue about who is right. All this has a very bad effect on our lives. The ability to communicate competently with people will allow you to create good situations.
This can be seen in the example of the relationship between spouses. What is love? Understanding each other, the desire to give in. If a husband, for example, has views that are different from his wife, then she immediately behaves aggressively. The dispute becomes threatening and no one wants to understand each other. It must be taken into account that those with a different conviction have the right to their views. Even if they are incorrect, from your point of view. But these are his judgments, perhaps hard-won. And perhaps over time he will change them and come closer to yours.
However, people persist and insist on their own. Although they should know that a difference of opinion is the beginning of a conflict. In this case, they have no idea what understanding is.
How to find mutual understanding in relationships. Advice from a psychologist.
How to find mutual understanding in relationships. Psychology of communication. Advice from a psychologist. Finding mutual understanding is so simply impossible! Mutual understanding does not “come” with the love of your husband or wife (boyfriend, girlfriend). No, if he (she) loves you, this does not mean that he understands. But you must admit that in many everyday moments you want to get understanding from a loved one. But instead, you quarrel, get offended, and the abyss that was already huge becomes even larger.
Here it is important to notice the cracks in the relationship in time and seek psychological advice in time, but since you are already reading and want to first at least briefly understand what is happening with your relationship, then:
Today we will tell you why there is a lack of understanding of each other and how you can again establish mutual understanding in your relationship. You will also receive some valuable advice on how to find mutual understanding in relationships from psychologists on the site Psi-Labirint.ru.
In any relationship there is mutual understanding.
But every time you sound the alarm that in some life episode, your loved one did not understand you and he offended you. You go to your friends or write to the website Psi-Labirint.ru to get support from a psychologist online. But all this ultimately only scares you. It’s scary because you totalize your offended feelings: “He didn’t understand me, that’s all!” This is the end!" You are also afraid that if you talk just once, you will not get the result you need: actual understanding of you. This is also the end of the relationship!
Not at all! Mutual understanding in a relationship is a long process of communication! Precisely communication. Talk about everything together. This is also a negotiation. And all these are not one-time conversations from which you need to draw conclusions! We emphasize once again that mutual understanding, just like communication, is a process. Any relationship is a process, not a result, just like psychological counseling is also a process.
What spoils mutual understanding in a relationship?
And it’s your beliefs that spoil it: “If he (she) loves me. He will communicate with me and must understand whatever state I am in. No matter what I say or do!”
“If he (she) does not communicate with me, then this is not true love!”
But our dear readers of the site Psi-Labirint.ru, it is these or similar beliefs that destroy your mutual understanding in relationships! How? See for yourself:
In the first case: You seem to convince yourself that you don’t need to do anything at all, because he (she) loves me!” But you know that everyone has a limit to their patience. And when this limit ends, a break in the relationship is inevitable.
In the second case: “I check whether she (he) has real love. And if not. Oh, I can attack and accuse: “Oh, you deceived me!” And of course, in this case there is no need to think about anything and especially work on relationships. But mutual understanding is also born from working on relationships, from managing relationships.
You can learn more about relationship management from a psychologist here on the website Psi-Labirint.ru by signing up for a consultation via Skype.
And how to start managing relationships? Let's look at the first stage.
The first stage that will lead you to mutual understanding in a relationship. This is communication.
People often go years without talking about the most important things in a relationship. And in the end, they don’t know anything about each other. And even if they do find out, they will learn about the final facts: betrayal, divorce. Why is it so difficult to talk to each other? Because it's scary!
The scary thing is that a “difficult” conversation will very quickly become “unbearable” and develop into a scandal.
It's scary that after trying to explain things will become even more confusing.
It’s scary that your partner will consider an attempt to talk as an apology, that is, an admission of guilt and, in general, weakness.
And this is just the beginning of the list of reasons! But as you have already noticed, they begin with the word “scary”.
Why is it scary?
There is no threat as such. They will not take away your right to life, they will not take your money from your wallet, and they will not rape you. But each conversation is regarded by you as the last, therefore, the conclusions you draw about the person each time are global and with far-reaching (negative) consequences. And of course you don’t allow a person to show his good side.
But everything is completely different! If a person does not speak, it means that the negative stimuli that he received in response to his early attempts to talk (albeit awkward, perhaps clumsy, but there were attempts, believe me) have already formed a persistent fear in him. People often underestimate how strong they are in shutting up their neighbors.
- Does your loved one not speak to you? You taught him (her) to be afraid!
- Are your loved ones not listening to you? He (she) does not believe that your words can be connected with action.
So, draw your conclusions...
How to find mutual understanding in a conversation with a loved one? Advice from a psychologist.
It is important to note again that in order to find mutual understanding in a relationship, you need to understand that nothing will work out the first time. If there is already misunderstanding in your relationship, then you will now need quite a lot of time to retrain your loved one. The practice here is very simple and if you follow this practice carefully, your loved one will understand that he is valuable to you. Gradually he (she) will begin to open and one day will open completely.
It is important for you:
Apologize that you disturbed a loved one and again started a conversation on a “sore” topic.
Agree with everything he says. This is how you encourage him (her). But even if you encourage him (her), he (she) still needs to find a place to insert the word. Be patient. Leave enough voids in your speech so that he (she), when he (she) finally has such a desire, can fill these voids. Make sure you want to talk less and listen more. Promise yourself in advance that you will react at least neutrally-positively to everything that is said.
Thank you for the conversation, regardless of whether you managed to talk at all. And don’t expect that you will succeed the first time. Immediately agree with your loved one that it will take many attempts to understand each other and solve something. It's important to get started and be persistent. But not angry, not with clenched teeth, but friendly steadfastness. With a smile.
If for some reason you cannot talk to a loved one, we recommend that you seek advice via Skype on the website Psi-Labirint.ru.
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