Women's psychology in relationships with men and the wisdom of love

They are looking for love, waiting. And she comes. But who knows how love is born? And how not to miss it? By what internal criteria do we choose a life partner? Let's talk about how reciprocity appears in love.

The feeling of sympathy is decisive in any case. This is your inner feeling that you would continue communicating with this person. And then comes the specification of the purposes of acquaintance: business partnership, sexual relations, wedding, etc. But sympathy in itself does not determine why we like this or that person: were we attracted, say, by the assertiveness of a potential business partner or the “kinship of souls” of a possible spouse or the sensuality of a sexual partner? You should not mix the goals of communication. For example, if a man is attracted to you sexually, do not immediately run with him to the registry office and choose wedding accessories. This is physiology, which you will get enough of, and then what?

Love is…?

Each person understands this word in his own way. It is difficult to describe what love is. You can talk about it a lot and for a long time. There can be many manifestations of this feeling, and therefore it is characteristic of everyone. For example, love between a man and a woman , for the Fatherland, for God, for occupation, for life and the world. This is one of the most beautiful feelings on Earth, but at times it can lead to negative consequences. Everything, of course, depends only on how you experience it.

Many philosophers have tried to describe love, but the explanation of this phenomenon still remains difficult. The feeling appears suddenly when you don't expect it. It begins as if from a small coal and over time, especially if the love is mutual, flares up into a real fire. It is impossible to plan, warn, program or fake falling in love. It can only be felt with all your heart.

The love between a man and a woman is incredibly strong. At the same time, an attitude towards your partner develops in which your half becomes much more important than yourself, and the whole world as a whole. It’s not just emotions that change, the very perception of the surrounding reality changes. Through love, people learn a lot of new things and realize life in different colors.

The birth of male love

There is the following scheme for the origin of love:

a girl is attracted physically - beauty, gait, grace, emotional interest appears;
intellectual attraction - the need to learn more about a potential lover (tastes, interests, hobbies);
spiritual attraction - a feeling of a loved one, common interests, free communication.

Thus, for the birth of love, relationships must go through certain stages, and the young man must get to know the girl well enough, then real feelings are possible, with the rapid development of events, only a short affair is possible, mutual interest will not develop to the level of love. For women, on the contrary, intelligence is first attracted , the spiritual side of the personality, and later a craving appears on the physical level.

Harmony is created by combining all points - friendly communication, intellectual, spiritual connection and physical attraction. As a result, stable relationships are formed, similar to the kinship of souls or the meeting of two halves.

However, without the first point - physical interest - a man cannot love a woman, only friendship. What about women? Everything may be developing, intellectual interest and intimacy can turn into physical interest. In the absence of one of the components in a relationship - harmony, a woman has a feeling of emptiness, dissatisfaction, a desire to get what she wants from other men: communication, support, understanding, attention.

Why do women complain that men don't know how to love? Perhaps it's all about a different approach to love. In a family, the stronger sex considers the main thing - material provision and fidelity - a guarantee of a strong union, a manifestation of love, forgetting about spiritual intimacy, a woman’s need for communication, understanding, romance, and not only physical satisfaction.

How do close relationships develop, stages of relationship development:

Attraction is physical in men, intellectual in women.
Uncertainty is a period of doubt, a temporary fading of a man’s interest, you shouldn’t rush it, you need to be patient, it’s a natural process.
The desire to be the only one is a conscious choice; a person feels the desire to be with one woman, to continue the relationship.
Mental closeness - complete trust is manifested in communication, a person is ready to open his soul and heart, there is no need to rush to reveal all the complexities of character, lovers perceive shortcomings more easily.
Engagement is a stage when people are moving towards marriage, planning to live their lives together, but even here there is an opportunity to think through everything and decide whether they are ready to get married, the relationship can end or move on to the next stage of development.

Male psychology in love and relationships has a different development, an intelligent woman should understand: there is no need to rush to force events, go to persuasion, spiritual closeness must develop in order to form strong relationships, a family union in the future. The mistake men make is the desire for quick physical intimacy, girls take longer to fall in love, they need to go through all the stages, even if they meet you halfway, they will not be happy. Of course, men also know how to love, there are truly happy couples, which allows a woman to feel that she is loved and desired, the only one.

The following qualities are considered the most important:

responsibility - the ability to be responsible for one’s actions, family, to be a reliable life partner, to fulfill promises and obligations;
patience, calmness - patience, understanding - the keys that open any door, you need to learn to appreciate the important things in life and not lose your composure over trifles, even the loss of a fortune is not worth the loss of a loved one. Patience helps to gain the favor of the girl you love;
sensitivity - attention to the worries and sorrows of a loved one is very important in a relationship with a woman living in her own emotional world and in need of support;
confidence - for the development of this feeling, the participation of a woman is useful; with constant doubts on her part, the partner loses confidence, and next to a calm, wise woman, he gains faith in his own strength;
determination - having plans and aspirations in life are a sign of a strong man.

Decisiveness in moving towards goals is fascinating and makes a strong impression. Determination should be in conquering a woman throughout life, attentiveness and gallantry are always pleasant.

Male psychology in love differs, first of all, in that a man’s life is aimed at the outside world, and love is a break from work and the worries of life, for a woman it is life. A man’s love for a woman in psychology is considered as a desire to possess and a desire to protect the woman he loves, Therefore, the stronger sex likes feminine girls who give the impression of needing a strong man, but relationships with a business woman are more difficult to build, and competition arises.

Often women have a question: do men know how to truly love? It all depends on the person, his understanding of love, his ability to express feelings, often men tend to prove love through actions and deeds, beautiful words are often spoken by ladies' men, it is worth observing a person to understand the true attitude - does he show care, does he strive to help, provide support?

It happens that women have the feeling that real feelings are more a feminine manifestation, and the male half likes to conquer and possess, they ask: “why don’t men know how to love?” Perhaps such girls have not met true love, when a woman is a queen, worthy of respect, recognition and care. How to determine whether there is love on the part of a man?

Male psychology in love and relationships has the following features:

The male half is characterized by restraint in expressing feelings; if a partner does not shower you with compliments, this is not yet an indicator of a lack of love, you need to look deeper.
All men have their own tastes and preferences in love, there is no single ideal, for every girl there is a betrothed in this world
Most representatives of the stronger sex tend to appreciate such qualities in the fair half - a kind attitude, femininity in behavior, sexuality, a positive character and flexibility in behavior.
Enamored.
What attracts women is confidence, tenderness, intelligence, beauty, and self-esteem.
The male half of the young man is always looking for ways to be close to the girl he loves, strives for meetings, and spends time together.
Silence is a manifestation of character and is not associated with feelings; men find it difficult to combine thinking and talking; sometimes they need to be alone and resolve current issues.
The male half likes to conquer women, accessible women do not evoke sincere feelings, and often become victims of Don Juans.
Men are attracted to mysterious women who have a special charm, can maintain intrigue all their lives and not be read as a book.
Men love calm relationships without constant quarrels and reproaches, they prefer to clearly understand the expectations of their partner, it is better to speak directly about their wishes, not to expect that their loved one will read his thoughts, this is not typical for men. They also need support, and a girl who is able to believe in them will the best and most devoted friend in life.

Thus, to the question “can men love?” there are different answers; girls determine their opinion based on life experience. Having delved into the essence, we understand: often feelings are stored quite deeply, which is not always clear, but what about “I love you”... Yes, this is important for girls, but a young man will not do something for the unloved, sacrifice interests, or find time , solve problems.

A man, relationships, psychology, expression of love are the most popular questions among girls and women. How often there is a lack of understanding in the psychology of men, and everything is perceived from a woman’s point of view.

In the modern world, women have become more active, they often make their own choices, attract men, but there is no need to force events, a young man should feel like a conqueror, and hints at a wedding ahead of time are an encroachment on freedom, men value it very much, it is better to gradually lead to the desired idea . For example, when a desire arises to live together.

Male psychology in love and relationships also manifests itself in the issue of betrayal

Why is it generally accepted that the male half tends to gravitate towards diversity, and in Muslim countries polygamy is even normal?

The reasons are as follows:

Lack of love, monotony, boredom and formality of relationships. You cannot calm down and assume that the man belongs to you forever; this is possible with constant maintenance of the fire of love, respect, and support from your spouse.
The complex of forty years - during this period the male population feels the advent of old age, there is a desire to prove their own worth as a man, the ability to attract girls, romances are possible, which leads to the breakdown of the family, although with harmonious relationships and love in the family this does not happen.
Cheating as revenge - occurs in situations of wife’s betrayal, inattention, constant quarrels, lack of attention, lack of understanding in the family.
Psychological compensation - career failures, a way to increase self-esteem and an endless search for a muse.
Narcissists are men with high self-esteem, tend to conquer women with high status, but quickly lose interest and again look for adventure, satisfying their interest.
Males consider it normal to have affairs on the side; they perceive it as part of the life of a normal man, along with bars and drinking.

So, the psychology of men in love says: in a normal situation, if there is love and understanding in the family on all basic issues, there is no point in looking for other women, he is devoted to the only one.

And the question: “do men know how to love and feel in general?” is rather rhetorical and depends on the woman and her inner mood, definitely - they know how, but they do not show feelings so clearly, but with the inner confidence that “there are goats all around” it is not surprising that Such situations are often attracted to life. It is worth being attentive to thoughts and attitudes.

Signs of a “true” feeling

When two people truly feel love for each other, they will overcome all obstacles and difficulties just to be together. Their relationship is accompanied by a constant struggle for their feelings, despite gossip or other people's speculations. Love settles where understanding and mutual support reign.

A real feeling cannot but be mutual. Such sensations as lust, sexual attraction, passion are just a desire to completely possess someone, dictated by one’s own egoism.

In any circumstances, a truly close person will always be there to support and say comforting words. He will cover your back in the most difficult moments in life. No matter how difficult and difficult it is, you can always find the mental strength to help the person you love.

A woman who is in search of true love will never waste her time on a one-day relationship with a person she is not sure about. She does not need to prove anything with her relationship either to her relatives, or to her acquaintances, or to anyone else.

We become better, prettier and more attractive next to our lover. But you cannot sacrifice anything or do anything that is at odds with your personal interests. Of course, no one will argue that building a family is hard work, but it should not become a burden.

What is tenderness

Psychologists say that tenderness is a character trait that makes a person inclined to show affection towards someone, the reason for which is not sexual attraction.

Psychologists began studying the “phenomenon” of tenderness back in the century before last. Russian scientist V.A. Snegirev devoted a number of scientific works to this topic. In them he put forward a number of unusual provisions:

Tenderness is associated with a special pleasant sensation, which reduces a person’s physical and mental activity. However, unlike the state of powerlessness and apathy, tenderness does not interfere with a person’s harmonious existence, but contributes to it.
The triggers of tenderness are spiritual and physical agents. They even out the flow of life. When interacting with them, a person feels calm and harmonious.
If tender feelings have arisen, then in the future they will manifest themselves involuntarily, regardless of the circumstances. Next to the object of tenderness, a person feels as harmonious as possible, so he is able to easily turn a blind eye to the real conditions of communication.

Scientific definitions can help us characterize the phenomenon of tenderness, but they are clearly not enough, since this concept is multifaceted. The ability to experience and show tenderness has been formed in humans for many thousands of years. At the same time, tenderness is perceived by us as one of the most striking manifestations of love. If tenderness disappears, warmth and intimacy leave the relationship along with it.

How to show love?

There are literary sources about the “language of love” that claim that all people imagine its manifestations in completely different ways. Some people like tactile touch. A certain part of people tries to spend a little more time together, and there are those for whom gifts are an obligatory sign of attention.

Additionally, both genders interpret love differently. First, men and women have different ideas about love itself. Secondly, ideas about the manifestations of this feeling in relationships also differ. Very often these differences become an insurmountable barrier in relationships.

Every person strives for this sublime feeling and craves it. For men, love is absolute unity, complementation of each other, an obligatory part of which is respect and trust. It is impossible to show love to a person whom you do not trust and whom you simply do not respect. Those who have a more “masculine” type of thinking (the vast majority of men) expect trust and respect from love. Those who are “feminine” types (the predominant part of women) also crave both respect and trust, but their expectations are inextricably associated with actions that are aimed at demonstrating these feelings.

Men also like to be hugged, but rather moderately. At the same time, girls expect that expressions of feelings towards them will be regular and unrestricted. A lady who presents a bouquet of flowers to a representative of the stronger half of humanity will never achieve the same effect (after all, men have a completely different perception of love and gratitude) as a man giving flowers to a woman. You should not express a noble feeling the way you like it. Show it in a way that pleases your partner.

What types of love are there?

A feeling like love is not built on romance alone. It manifests itself in different areas of life. For example, there are several types of love:

romantic;
friendly;
related;
the one that we show to all people, that is, the superficial one.

Since we are all human and absolutely equal in our rights, we have a duty to treat our fellow humans with due respect. That is, to show that same love. Treat people the way you want them to treat you - this is the golden rule of life. If you follow it, you can protect yourself from many problems.

Most people have tender feelings for their loved ones, such as parents, children, sisters and brothers. It is quite normal when we worry about our loved ones and wish them the best. It’s worse when no one does this, this is where inhumanity comes into play.

Friendship is the most sublime feeling, because true love begins with friendship. It is based on trust and empathy. A true friend loves at all times; he can understand you better than you yourself. This is someone you can pour your heart out to at any time. And there is no need to constantly remind you of the secrecy of the information conveyed.

Such relationships must be valued, because this is the support on which you can rely throughout your life. It is an incredible blessing to have a true, devoted friend. Friendship must be protected and maintained. You shouldn’t just expect something, you need to give!

How should a woman’s tenderness be expressed?

When we talk about the tenderness of a woman, the image of a “Turgenev girl” appears in our heads: naive, sensitive, affectionate. But not every modern girl feels and behaves this way. It happens that in a relationship with a young man who is interesting and even attractive to her, a woman still does not show this side of her nature. Coldness on the part of the lady naturally repels the man, and communication comes to naught.

The situation will be different with a girl who by nature loves to take care of someone, treats loved ones with attention and knows how to support in difficult times. Such a woman does not have to be beautiful for all men to be attracted to her. Although, of course, in a series of days that are similar to each other, when not everything is so smooth at work, and for some reason household chores are not done by ourselves, it becomes difficult to constantly show tenderness.

As a result, the once affectionate and reverent girl becomes a rude, distant, even aggressive woman. And such behavior can very quickly cause the breakdown of a relationship.

A tender attitude is a constant companion of love for a person. If a woman is in love, she does not need to try to be affectionate, she does not need to think about how to show her feelings - this happens intuitively. And if there are no feelings, tenderness can only be depicted, but it cannot be artificially evoked. Of course, this happens differently for everyone: someone is ready to kiss and hug their loved one for hours, someone behaves more restrained. But there are situations when tenderness fades away, although initially the relationship was built on mutual love.

Most often this happens over time. A married couple is no longer two carefree teenagers in love: people have work, responsibilities, problems. The love boat, as they say, breaks in everyday life. Sometimes a woman’s attitude is a “mirror” of a man’s attitude: he stopped showing attention to her, and she was tired of “playing with one goal.”

If tenderness is not natural for a woman, if it is difficult for her to show her feelings towards her partner, it is worth understanding herself and understanding why this happens. Perhaps tenderness faded into the background due to some conflicts in the family. And if you truly love your spouse, you need to acknowledge your grievances and let them go. But it happens that a girl was simply not taught to be gentle. Children who were not spoiled with affection as children usually build relationships according to the same scenario as adults.

The situation is different if tenderness as a sensation is present, but there are problems with finding ways to express it. For some reason, many women associate tenderness with various cute nicknames, and constantly call a man “baby”, “honey” or “cat”.

However, for men, such addresses are not some kind of significant manifestation of tenderness, especially if all sorts of “cutes” are heard by strangers.

It is important to understand that many representatives of the stronger sex are simply irritated by such lisping. And the worst situation is when “nicknames” replace the person’s name, and you stop pronouncing it. But there is nothing more pleasant than hearing your name from the lips of your beloved woman. If you still want to come up with some kind of affectionate nickname for your boyfriend, that’s not bad, but let it be special, connected to your story.

It’s not easy for everyone to express tenderness in words or talk about their emotions. In this case, use other methods, because feelings can be conveyed by touch and even by glance. Sometimes a warm, sincere hug means more than a hundred words. And the best reflection of a woman’s tenderness towards a man is attention and care.

Try to put yourself in your husband’s shoes and understand what he would like now. For example, after work he would hardly refuse a hot bath and a delicious dinner. Don’t forget to please your man with compliments: just notice what you really like about him, and then the words will be sincere.

Don't expect yourself to be affectionate and caring if you're worried about something at the moment, if you're irritated or angry. First you need to learn how to get rid of negativity. Find your way to deal with negative emotions: meditation helps some, while others prefer to go in for fitness.

If you not only feel a lack of tenderness, but also regularly show aggression towards others, you need to look at yourself from the outside. Do this in a situation where you had a fight with someone close to you, or yelled at your husband or child. Just look at yourself in the mirror. Most likely, you will see something not very attractive: a red face, a wrinkled forehead and an angry expression.

Do you want your family to see you like this? And it’s not even a matter of appearance, it’s just that such situations lead to the fact that family members will not even expect you to behave towards them with affection.

Watch how you move, because a woman’s tenderness is evident in every step. A good wife does not march like a soldier, she walks smoothly and easily. To cultivate natural elegance, you don't need to try to fake it. It’s better to do yoga or dancing in your free time: this will help you learn how to control your body.

Some experts suggest training your ability to express affection on pets or even plush toys. The first option, in principle, can be considered appropriate, since we are talking about at least a living being. As for toys, yes, you can like them, but it’s unlikely that you can show the same tenderness to an object as to a person. It’s better to “practice” in public right away. The more serious your psychological barrier, the longer it will take, but you need to learn step by step to open up to your loved ones.

How to teach a man to be gentle

A woman’s tenderness does not imply that a person should respond in kind to every manifestation of affection. But at the same time, any girl also wants to feel special attention at least occasionally. And here a problem arises: men do not see the need to express their feelings; they consider it “unmanly”. Wives are often offended by this behavior of their husbands, but do not even try to change the situation. Below are tips on how to “teach” your loved one to show affection.

Give reasons for your request
Your partner must understand that you really need tenderness on his part. Explain that his support helps you to be more confident, your mood improves, etc. Help him see the connection between how open he is in expressing his feelings and how close the relationship is between you.

Emphasize the health benefits of touch. A person's psychological state becomes much more stable when he regularly receives the necessary dose of physical contact. This even reduces the likelihood of a heart attack. And it doesn’t matter whether we are talking about a man or a woman, and how old this person is: everyone always needs touch.
Instruct the man in detail what to do.
Voice your desire. If you want him to take your hand or stroke your head, say so directly. It may seem that then there will be no romance in this action. But if a woman’s tenderness is her nature, then for men it is a kind of skill that you can develop in this way. In addition, not every man intuitively understands what kind of gesture on his part will be appropriate at the moment.
Don't forget about reciprocity
Try to behave the way you want your husband to behave. Learn to celebrate his merits, do not forget about gentle touches, try to be attentive and delve into his problems, and do not focus on his mistakes. So to speak, teach him tenderness by your example.

The natural reaction to your tenderness will be smiles and hugs. This way you will “infect” your partner with your sensitivity.
Do not skimp on praise
Every time your man decides to show his feelings and performs some kind of romantic act, you should notice it and appreciate his efforts. Focus on how even the slightest manifestations of attention please you. For example, say that his nice SMS was the only thing that lifted your spirits during a hard day at work. Having received flowers as a gift, do not even jokingly assume that in this way your husband is apologizing for an offense that is still unknown to you. Thank him for the gift, allow yourself to sincerely rejoice. So a man will understand that manifestations of tenderness do not make him weak: on the contrary, he acts as a patron who tries to brighten up the life of his beloved woman by all available means.