Ivan Vdovin
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Mainly the article will be written for girls. Yes, it happens that people break up. They lived together and separated. Sad or happy? It all depends on the situation. Therefore, we will analyze some cases, both from a positive and negative point of view. In general, what does the psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman depend on after a breakup? Everything depends on the microclimate in their two-way behavior.
What was the relationship like? What did you take from them?
Due to the nature of my profession, I communicated a lot, I would say a lot, with girls. For various reasons, but that doesn't matter. I also talked a lot with girls who were in relationships/married or other types of marriages, but they broke up with men.
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Depending on what the relationship was like, this will be the aftertaste.
You know, although I am an optimist, the percentage of successful relationships where people fit and complement each other is very meager. But if such relationships happen, usually there are no separations, unless, of course, something deep is hidden there, but this happens rarely. So, if your relationship left much to be desired, then the separation will not be pleasant and most likely for life. But if there was a bit of mutual respect, understanding and other joys in the relationship, then there is every chance that you will not leave each other so easily. Whether this is good or bad is up to you to decide.
What women experience when a relationship breaks up
Breaking up with a boyfriend brings stress to a woman's life. But think about what the experiences are based on, what their reason is. For an accurate analysis, here are common situations:
The girl and the boy dated for less than six months and did not live together. It was a romantic relationship, not spoiled by everyday life. Breaking up at this stage means that the woman is now deprived of a suitor who was convenient. He showed attention, protected, created a reputation. His loss means the end of a comfortable relationship. In this case, pride most often suffers
The attention of other young people can help. The couple existed for more than a year, but the young people did not live together. In this case, the woman feels the collapse of hopes, the loss of dreams
Over such a long period, she had mentally tried on a wedding dress more than once, hoping to receive the long-awaited proposal with each new date. But the young man decided that they were not suitable for each other, the girl was not worthy of him. This is very disappointing. The woman and the young man lived together, but separated. This is the most difficult situation for a couple. Both were already living together and began to get used to each other’s habits. Parting at this stage is painful for both, although the girl will think that this is not so. Separation after cohabitation is even more offensive, because in fact the young man not only took advantage of the girl, as others know, but also recognized her as unsuitable.
What kind of relationships are there?
This is a very serious question; by answering it, we will understand what the relationship will be like after separation.
Read more: Psychology of relationships in marriage
Adult - child
Everyone knows about such relationships. Here a child can be either a girl or a man. Whether a relationship is good or not, it all depends on the situation. If everyone likes the roles, then such relationships can last a long time. But there is always a BUT.
According to psychology, a child is, as a rule, an irresponsible person. Usually the child ends such a relationship because he has found a new parent or toy. This person will easily cheat under any pretext.
The most interesting thing is that many parents will not care about this and will try to re-educate their unlucky child. But here, most likely, a break will occur. The child will quickly fly away to the other parent, and the parent will try to restore the relationship.
Tyrant - victim
Usually this is the most trash. But another question is, why does the victim tolerate the tyrant and not leave immediately? The whole essence of sacrifice comes down to tolerating, blaming, and punishing yourself. This is such a mini branch of hell.
A tyrant will never let go of his victim, and the victim will always provoke the tyrant. If the victim does not understand that she is playing the role of a victim and does not want to leave, she will have a hard time. Live in humiliation and complete submission. And yet, in spite of everything, the victim leaves such a relationship, and there are two ways. Either she completely breaks all contacts and never returns, or the tyrant still has enough of asking for forgiveness with the promise that he will completely correct himself.
The victim believes, returns and everything starts anew. It's a vicious circle. In these relationships, you either break up completely and change your attitude towards life, or you live in suffering.
Friends
Friends are not just friends. And relationships are built like friends. You meet, have sex, have something to talk about, have a lot of fun. But it's not a word about love. You just feel good together.
There are two ways to develop such a relationship, either separation because someone wants a more serious relationship, but the other does not want it. On this basis, the initiator will look for another relationship, a more serious one, and will ultimately confront the partner with the fact that they are breaking up. The most interesting thing is that since the relationship is built on friendship, it is possible to continue meeting for sex out of friendship.
Another scenario is if friendship between partners develops into a serious relationship. But here there are two development paths. Either everything is ok and there will be a good family, since relationships are built on trust and respect, and not just on love.
Or relationships built on friendship will not bear the burden of love. It’s like they were friends, but now responsibility appears. Someone's behavior pattern may be disrupted and this may alienate another
How men cope with breakups based on their zodiac sign
Regardless of the reasons why a couple separated, men experience breakups differently. This largely depends on the horoscope.
Features of male feelings by zodiac sign:
Aries reacts to the end of a relationship aggressively and emotionally. In special cases, a retired gentleman can fly into a rage and cause a lot of trouble. At the same time, representatives of this sign quickly cool down and lose interest in their ex.
Taurus perceives a breakup very dramatically. For them, this is tantamount to tragedy, because this sign is characterized by stability, affection and adherence to traditions.
Twins. For them, separation is a new stage in life.
Having grieved a little about their beloved, they easily find a new passion or switch their attention to something else.
Cancer, due to its vulnerability, reacts painfully to separation. He worries for a long time and until the last hopes for the restoration of relations.
Leo, due to pride and increased self-esteem, reacts to the end of a relationship very painfully, especially when the initiative was on the part of the partner
But if Leo himself was the initiator, then strong feelings do not arise.
Virgo is one of the most devoted and family signs; separation for him becomes the collapse of all foundations. Such people often love their exes for the rest of their lives and deep down cannot forgive them.
Libra is a very calm sign. If a woman cannot give him the peace he desires, he himself breaks up and does not regret it. But when he was rejected, he will try to find out the reason, but only in order to return to his previous calm course.
Scorpion. Despite the complexity of his character, he rarely breaks off relationships on his own initiative. But if you left him, he can take cruel revenge.
Sagittarius is a sign that doesn't take breakups seriously. For him, a break does not mean leaving forever. Such people are quite capable of returning to their exes.
Capricorn is reliable, so he rarely breaks. If they abandoned him, then she worries greatly, but in such a way that others do not see it.
Aquarius breaks up quickly and easily, as he does not like unnecessary drama and showdowns. With the same speed, he makes new passions and forgets his exes.
Pisces have a hard time going through this period. Often it leaves a deep wound in their soul for life.
The experiences of men during separation are much more diverse and deeper than those described above. Representatives of the stronger sex of the same psychotype or zodiac sign may react differently to the end of a relationship depending on their upbringing, social environment, mental state, etc. Therefore, data regarding this topic are conditional and generalizations in nature.
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Adult - adult
Perhaps the most fulfilling relationships can develop when two people are mature in their development. There is no resentment, guilt, anger or anything else towards each other. There is an understanding that all emotions are not a person. And if you get angry at each other, it’s only because you want to throw out your emotions and without trying to offend or harm.
You will never hear in response, “I spent the best years of my life on you, you asshole!!” There is a calm, measured life, with a degree of respect and understanding for each other. Support in everything without complaints or reproaches. You will never hear accusations against each other, because an adult takes all responsibility in his life completely upon himself. And if he chose a mate, then it was he who chose, and not him who was chosen. It is difficult, but possible if you develop psychologically and spiritually.
Parent - parent
To be honest, I have never seen such a relationship in my life, but theoretically they are possible. But I’m sure the relationships between each other, both during the relationship and after the breakup, will be so-so. Constant reproaches, correcting each other, resenting each other. In general, it’s hard when they try to teach and force you to do something.
If anyone has had such a relationship, write in the comments, we’ll figure out how it went and where it ended. It will be interesting to read. Well, as I wrote above, there will either be no relationship after the breakup, or it will be complicated, constant arguments, like I’m right, no, I’m right. I'm the boss here, no, I am. And so on.
Child - child
There will be complete trash here. People who have not matured psychologically will either play dirty tricks on each other, or unite and play dirty tricks on others. You know, there are families where husband and wife are like one apple field. Greedy, envious, evil, etc. Surely you have seen such people and they do not leave the best opinion.
Read more: How to make a guy fall in love with you
This is one manifestation, but there is a manifestation that they will always harm each other all their lives. Constant scandals, accusations in various aspects of relationships and other nonsense. The most interesting thing is that they will cause more discomfort to others with their behavior. They don't care how they look at them, what they think about them.
The aftertaste of the breakup will most likely be this: they broke up, but there is not enough drama or clarification of the relationship. They will write to each other, meet, everything seems to be fine, but again there will be accusations, insults and other nonsense. Usually such people are not aware of what is happening in the relationship; mutual benefit is important to them.
King - Queen
Very beautiful couple. Straight from the cover. Fighting with each other for the bathroom mirror. If a couple is rich, then most likely they will relax often, walk together, and let others admire them. And most importantly, they envy how beautiful I am and the beauty next to me. The interesting thing is that such a relationship can be very comfortable for both and tie the knot for a long time.
But here’s another option if you don’t have much money, but you need to maintain your beauty. Claims will begin that he/she is to blame, that the relationship is bad. It’s clear that they suck, no one invests in each other. They invest only in themselves and their loved ones.
Until such a couple begins to give, they are doomed to failure. Beauty is a toy, so they will play and throw each other. But I remain my beloved. A breakup usually happens forever, although someone will start to get jealous and try to get the relationship back, but everything will go back to normal.
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A man can provoke you to break up if he has found another
Men are afraid to take responsibility for breaking up relationships and do everything possible to make the girl leave on her own. Or rather, they stop doing anything for you. A man’s fear of taking a step towards separation himself also lies in the complexes of your chosen one.
A man categorically does not want to look guilty in the eyes of society. If such a misfortune happened to you that the guy quickly found a replacement for you, then the biggest mistake is to look for shortcomings and reasons, first of all, in yourself. Think about it, was your relationship really that good? Is this how you imagined your prince? Do you consider yourself worthy of such treatment? But you shouldn’t delve into yourself and turn to psychologists, and even more so to fortune-tellers and clairvoyants.
For most women, the situation of seeing a former lover will be extremely unpleasant, but if this happens, then you should be above it. You need to let go, get over the offense and under no circumstances close yourself off from all the new things that await you ahead. Everyone is different and we all go through different stages of life on our journey to finding true love. Some people fall in love once and for all and are happy with this person for the rest of their lives, while for others fate has prepared tests, after which you will find your happiness. There is no need to be upset and worry about a person who did not appreciate your care or understand your love. This is a waste of nerves, time and vital energy on something that is absolutely not worth it. Enjoy every moment of your life and fate will smile on you.
The way a man behaves after a breakup often confuses his ex-partner. Why does he continue to call after a breakup or, conversely, changes his number and avoids meeting? Why is he looking for dates after many years of separation? How to react to his tearful sms and messages?
The women's website “Beautiful and Successful” tried to find comprehensive answers to all these questions.
You broke up, what's next?
What to do if you break up? Analyze what the relationship was like. Good\bad? Trust\betrayal? Respect/charity? If everything was negative, then it will come back, nothing can be done about it. In fact, I will say this thing, but many people do not understand it. Problems in relation lie equally and are divided equally equally. Even if it’s a partner’s betrayal (throw slippers at me, I’m ready). Husband and wife, one of Satan.
Yes, relationships are a very complex thing and there is no single rule on how to build a harmonious, eternal relationship based on love and trust. Even if you see a beautiful couple that you look at with envy, in reality everything may be different. Maybe there the husband completely humiliates his wife, and she just pretends that everything is fine. It's sad, but if this happens, again both are to blame. More precisely, not guilty, but responsible.
Why did the guy find another after breaking up?
It doesn’t matter at all whether she still loves him or whether the feelings remain only in memories, because after a long relationship, after all the wonderful moments that you experienced together, there is an emptiness in the soul. The answer to these questions that torment us has many options.
Yes, although she never looks like it, men suffer after leaving a relationship. He disguises his feelings under pride. A study conducted by experts at Wake Forest University in North Carolina found that people feel vulnerable and suffer after a breakup, but most often hide their suffering under a guise of pride. The researchers explained that young men feel more attached to their partners than women of the same age because they are more familiar with these experiences with family or friends.
Typically, men have not outsmarted their feelings, so as a result of the breakup, they try to cope with alcohol or other drug abuse. People replace one addiction with another, which involves massive emotional regression. Depression is a reaction that places women in the category with the highest emotional maturity, explains the study's leadership.
For example, some men cannot be alone. Yes, no matter how strong your chosen one may seem to you, he simply cannot be without a woman because of his complexes. If the new chosen one suits your ex spiritually and physically, then he will build a relationship with her until the time comes for separation.
Another explanation for the differences in life between them is also the fact that men suffer in silence, while women feel the need to discuss what is happening to them. Their suffering is longer. If women start real drama at the beginning as soon as the relationship ends, but they heal more easily, men will realize the seriousness of the situation later. Thus, if they initially seem to take advantage of the fact that they are free again and can do what they want, while they are aware that they are actually suffering, so their tragedy is prolonged.
Such men do not think about who they have chosen as their beloved, their words about eternal love do not matter, and they are most often fixated on themselves, trying to solve the problem of loneliness. Despite the fact that your ex seemed quite romantic, gentle and caring in the relationship, he only wanted to keep you in his arms for as long as possible. Moreover, during a relationship, such a man can consider his feelings to be truly genuine because he thinks about them superficially, that is, about what is good for him, and therefore should be good for his beloved. Such men are simply selfish, only his problems matter to them, and in these relationships he does everything in a way that is convenient only for him.
When women go through distractions, it greatly distracts them from their suffering, while men constantly repress and are left with wounds. On the other hand, women cry immediately after separation, according to field studies. By stopping the pain of separation right away, you will get rid of it faster. Men, however, suppress their emotions and remain with unhealed wounds longer.
Don't call unless necessary
If there was a magic formula to cure suffering in love, everyone would be happy. However, experts say there is no quick fix or cure and that healing comes with time. The speed at which the other rebuilds life after we have stopped trying to form a couple can be very painful. The case is not isolated. “Many men prefer to act rather than just think because they want to find someone very hard,” says psychiatrist Serge Hefez. Women, on the other hand, will only agree to enter into a relationship once they have understood the reason for the previous failure.
USEFUL INFORMATION: Is it possible to have a wedding in a church without witnesses?
You need to work on relationships
I think this phrase is very strong nonsense and it does not represent reality. What does it mean to work on a relationship if it's over? No matter how much you try to work, if there is no mutual understanding of the problem, then there will be no success. Someone will definitely get angry and leave.
But it’s another matter if both partners immediately realized the problem in the relationship, then of course there is success. Because the understanding is that there is only one boat and if you don’t undertake to repair it, you will drown. This is where trips to psychologists and so on usually begin. There comes an understanding of the problem and a solution to it, which is the most important thing. Here, yes, we can say that we have worked on relationships.
Learn to live alone
In a long relationship, you somehow get used to your partner, somewhere giving in to him, somewhere giving up your desires and habits. Loneliness is a great opportunity to return to the original version of yourself. It will not be possible to reset your personality to basic settings, and this is not necessary: you have matured, gained experience and changed. Now you can afford to decide on your own desires, plans and aspirations without regard to your partner’s opinion.
The theory of halves sounds nice. But it’s better to come into a relationship whole and build it with an equally self-sufficient partner.
Before starting a new relationship, take care of your own well-being, career, and health. If a person is successful and independent, a queue of potential partners forms for him. And he slowly chooses with whom he is more comfortable. So after the end of the relationship, it is best to live without a partner for some time and strengthen your own position. This does not mean that you need to abandon all meetings. They provide great emotional support, even if they do not lead to the creation of relationships.
Andrey Smirnov
conclusions
Relationships are good, if they are strong then even better. My opinion is that in addition to love, relationships must be built on trust, respect and understanding. Without blaming each other for all sins. As I wrote above, both partners are responsible for problems. And then there will be no partings.
And understand that if you break up and miss a person, then this is not love, it’s just boredom that your psyche is trying to return back to everything it was before, where it was comfortable. And here there is discomfort, so you need to endure it; there is usually no smell of love here.
We have seen so many films about love, where a couple goes through separations, and then realizes that they cannot live without each other. We all watch this and want such a wonderful fairy tale in our own home. But no, this is all fiction, this happens extremely rarely and don’t deceive yourself, most likely it won’t happen to you either. Give up illusions. Live in reality. I'm sorry if I disappointed you, but if everything in life was the same as in the movies, the world would be happy and full of love.
So I’m writing my last words on the topic of the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman after a breakup. Write comments, read other articles, welcome to work through negative beliefs or situations in life. I'll be glad to help.
Thank you readers for your ratings and reposts!
Please excuse my ERRORS in the text, unfortunately I am a great specialist in psychology, not in literacy)) Sign up for consultations now, I will be happy to help you find happiness in life! Cost 5000-2500 rubles per consultation . Also read reviews about my work. Download now the guide to changing yourself.
How to survive separation
A breakup is one of the most difficult periods in life. For many, it takes months or even years to cope with sadness. The abandoned person is ready to do anything to quickly get over the painful separation and return to a full, happy life. A few tips will help you cope with separation easier and faster:
- Be less hard on yourself. The phrase “we are breaking up” from the lips of a loved one usually plunges one into shock and stupor. Pain, anger, resentment, hatred and many other negative feelings and emotions pierce right through in the very first second after realizing the breakup. It's normal to feel this way. Instead of reproaching yourself for mental weakness, you should show leniency and give your emotions full play.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. Each of us has family and friends who will come to the rescue at the first call. Embarrassment is the last thing that should worry a person who is experiencing the consequences of a serious breakup. With the support of your loved ones, all stages of separation will be easier for both men and women.
- Live your life as before. When going through a difficult breakup, many people choose to take time off instead of going about their normal daily activities. The consequences of a breakup will pass much faster if, instead of dwelling on sorrows, you perform your usual work duties.
Self-pity is one of the main problems that prevent you from getting over a breakup. Think about your loved ones, your goals, your hopes, about all the good things in your life, and the horizons looming ahead will become rosy and attractive. Parting will no longer seem like a tragic problem along with current joys.
To survive a breakup as painlessly as possible, you need to go through all the stages of the breakup step by step. By following the advice of psychologists, you will be able to minimize the negative consequences of separation.
Don't focus on relationships
Don't make finding new love an end in itself. Even if you've done a lot of work on yourself, pursuing a relationship for the sake of a relationship is a strange idea.
At first, I generally recommend not focusing on looking for a serious relationship. It is much more important to believe in yourself again, feel wanted, and increase your self-esteem. It is important to gain new experience and remember forgotten communication skills with the opposite sex. Learn to trust. For now, there will be enough smooth, calm relationships (not necessarily love), thanks to which your life will become better.
Oleg Ivanov
How did you cope with the breakups? Share your experience in the comments.
Stages of separation in men
Guys try not to show real feelings, but psychologists have been able to identify 7 stages of separation in men. These stages show how acutely the stronger sex experiences a breakup:
- Denial stage. The guy simply cannot come to terms with the departure of his beloved. In some cases, when communicating with an ex-girlfriend, they may pretend that nothing happened.
- Negative emotions. The recognition of the break comes. This evokes a whole range of feelings in a man. There may be manifestations of resentment, anger and aggression.
- Depressive state. The man begins to analyze the situation. His self-esteem drops sharply. Attacks of sadness and melancholy are possible. At this time, a person constantly remembers the happy moments spent together.
- Accepting the problem. If the breakup occurred on the initiative of a man, he may show signs of guilt.
- Attempts to resolve the situation. Some guys start drinking alcohol in large quantities, because intoxication allows them to forget for a while. Others are completely absorbed in work activities. This is a period of stormy short-term romances, when men try to increase their self-esteem through popularity with the opposite sex.
- End of the painful period. A person finds a new meaning in life and can dramatically change his field of activity. His old self-esteem returns.
- Readiness for new relationships. The man begins to regain interest in the weaker sex. He is completely ready and open to other relationships.
A man’s behavior during a breakup depending on his psychological type
The stronger sex behaves differently when a connection is broken. The behavior and emotional state of men depends on the psychological type, which has 4 groups.
Predator
The Predator is a born leader. He strives to be first in everything and lead relationships. He has high self-esteem.
The initiative for divorce most often comes from him, since the woman in the family plays a secondary role. He will put pressure on his wife. A predator can only regret missed opportunities. Strong feelings and pity are alien to him. Communication after separation, if there are no children together, will most likely be reduced to nothing.
If a guy has not yet managed to start a family with his chosen one, then the breakup of the relationship occurs as soon as possible and often without additional explanations.
Vulnerable
This is a kind, vulnerable and sensitive person. Parting rarely occurs on his initiative. This type tends to endure all the difficulties and hardships of family life. A man can continue to live with a woman only for the sake of children. During a divorce, he experiences the separation hard. Often he needs help from relatives and friends.
Unmarried men try to smooth out all the rough edges in relationships with a girl. They would rather lead their chosen one down the aisle than abandon her. Breakups are hard to deal with even in open relationships. They may resort to alcohol.
Mature
This type of man is able to build mature relationships on a trusting basis. The breakup is difficult, experiencing a storm of emotions. To redirect attention, he can actively engage in work, sports or recreation.
If the separation occurred between spouses, he most often continues to maintain friendly relations with his ex.
Infantile
An infantile man needs constant care. He cannot stand loneliness. He perceives any break in relations as a betrayal aimed at his person. He can blackmail a woman, throw hysterics, and threaten suicide.
If the family has not yet begun, separation is no less difficult. The girl will have to experience a lot of negative emotions from her ex-boyfriend.
Psychology of separation: sex with an ex-partner
In many cases, former partners are attracted to spontaneous sex with a person with whom until recently they wanted to live happily for the rest of their lives. Sex after a breakup promises to be wonderful, but don’t forget about the moral consequences. After sex, old memories may come back, sadness and longing for a loved one may appear.
Before you decide to have sex with your ex-partner, you need to decide for yourself what the underlying reasons are and why you want to go back to the past for a while. Returning to the past can only happen for two reasons: either you continue to have feelings for your ex-partner, or you want to assert yourself at someone else’s expense.
You can truly relax and have fun with your ex-loved one, but is it necessary to bring up the past?
After betrayal
Do men worry after their betrayal? For many husbands, sex with another woman does not equate to betrayal or the fact that his love has passed. What does the man feel in this case? It all depends on the environment, upbringing, values, moral principles. A break in a relationship with a lover may indicate a change in priorities and a desire to save the family. A married man will think through different options so that his wife does not find out about his infidelity. But psychologists assure that emotions during betrayal depend on the individual. Some will be tormented by a strong feeling of guilt, and for others, betrayal is a reason to diversify their life.
How do men cope with a breakup if a woman cheats?
For the most part, men rarely forgive a woman for cheating. The main emotions are resentment, aggression, hatred. Deceived husbands suffer, and there is also imposed competition.
