"Let's remain friends?" - Almost everyone has heard such a phrase at least once in their life. And, unfortunately, it does not always mean the real desire of the ex-partner to be friends; most often this phrase is said in order not to seriously offend the former loved one and to smooth out the corners as much as possible when parting. But is friendship between exes really possible?
This question is asked by everyone whose relationship reaches a dead end and when the only chance not to lose a loved one is to agree to friendship. Do not forget that most breakups occur due to infidelity, betrayal, deception, or everyday problems that “cool” the ardor in the relationship. And after most cases, it is very difficult to imagine that a person can become a friend.
After a breakup, many people not only cannot remain friends, but they cannot even break up without a war, discussing behind their backs, telling everyone intimate secrets that will put the ex in a bad light. Often, former partners try to prick each other as much as possible. But still, how to avoid “military conflict in relationships”, maintain dignity and remain in warm friendly relations?
Friendship between ex-lovers
We will talk about the possibility of friendship after sexual relations, that is, when there was no love relationship between a guy and a girl, living together, dating, and so on. As a rule, this type of relationship occurs after a one-night stand. Both partners may enjoy this process so much that neither will want to end it after the first night.
Theoretically, and practically, former lovers will be able to be friends. After all, if love did not arise, then why not friendship arise. People who are not connected by everyday relationships and common everyday difficulties often share some important moments of their lives with each other, begin to trust each other and, over time, friendship arises between a guy and a girl. These people have nothing to share, nothing to quarrel about and spoil relationships, because, in fact, in the literal sense of the word they did not exist.
Often, even if they have relationships with other people, former lovers maintain warm, friendly feelings for each other. In this situation, the main thing is that someone does not truly fall in love, otherwise quarrels may arise due to jealousy and imbalance. The result is the same, if people have nothing to share and there is no place for jealousy, then this is an excellent basis for friendship, because if there is sex out of friendship, then why not there can be friendship after sex!
Not a friend at all
How to determine a man's other intentions towards you? There are several criteria:
- For a long time he does not have a beloved woman, and he sharply rejects all options for dating.
- Attention becomes excessive. In this case, the man will always worry about you, like his dearest and closest person. No matter how bad the girl looks, he showers her with a bunch of compliments. Your communication will be long and regular.
- Help. One o'clock in the morning? Do you live on the opposite end of town? It doesn't matter. Regardless of the time and circumstances, this so-called friend will come running at one call and do whatever is asked of him.
- Gifts clearly differ in size and price from those that would be given by an ordinary acquaintance or friend. This is how he expresses his feelings and hopes to reach his beloved’s heart.
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Friendship between a guy and a girl after a short-term relationship2
Sometimes, people's relationships develop at a rapid pace. It would seem that you were just acquaintances, then friends, when suddenly everyone started calling you a couple. What does short-term relationship mean? These are relationships that did not lead to serious injuries and did not last a long time. Often, a guy and a girl realize that they feel good together and try to create something more like a relationship.
But as soon as this relationship takes a more serious turn, people begin to cool towards each other. And relationships, as a rule, fall apart. If we talk about whether friendship is possible after a short, what can also be called a trial relationship, then definitely yes. This can be explained by the fact that a strong attachment or reasons for serious quarrels and scandals have not yet arisen between the former couple, and the relationship could have arisen on the basis of common interests.
And if the relationship did not work out in the early stages, this does not mean that the ex-partner is a bad person. Therefore, if people have not yet had time to get tired of each other and have acquired everyday problems, but the relationship as a couple has not worked out, then the best option is to give preference to sincere and pure friendship, which, by the way, with correct behavior on both sides, can last for many years.
Friendship between exes, after a long serious relationship 3
In this case, everything is more complicated. We will talk about serious relationships that did not lead to marriage, but into which the partners managed to plunge headlong. After such a relationship, friendship is only possible if the couple separated by mutual consent and each is already happy with the other partner. But, as a rule, long-term relationships end due to something more serious, such as infidelity, strong quarrels, betrayal, deception, and so on.
The desire to maintain friendly relations arises on the part of the injured partner, because for him, this is the only way to stay close and at least somehow participate in the life of his loved one. The other party, who, let's say, has committed infidelity or has simply lost any interest in the other half, as a rule, does not need friendship.
An imbalance arises, due to which the weaker side imposes itself more and more, tries to show care and attention, and the strong side begins to be irritated by excessive care. Under the influence of such an imbalance, friendship is impossible, but even if the ex-couple tries to be friends, it is unlikely that anything sincere will come of it.
Friendship between ex-spouses4
And finally, the most difficult case is the possibility of friendship between ex-spouses. Most often, complicating factors are added to the imbalance that was described in the previous example. For example, division of joint property, children, savings, and so on. And the divorce process itself leaves many unpleasant moments for both partners.
Can friendship arise between ex-spouses? Real, sincere, the kind that “in the snow and in the heat” is unlikely, but maintaining respectful, calm communication is still worth it, because often, after many years of married life together, it is not so easy to completely disappear from the sight of a friend friend. This is especially important if you have children together. According to the latest statistics, for every 1 million weddings, there are almost 600 thousand divorces.
That's more than half! And only 1 out of 100 divorces can end in true friendship, according to psychologists. They also believe that friendship with a former spouse is a losing decision, but do not forget that all relationships are individual and unique. If the former spouses are connected by something really important, for example, children, then it is worth trying to maintain communication. But still, if treason or betrayal was involved in the relationship, then there can be no talk of friendship if each of the former spouses has self-respect.
What common?
There is no clear line between friendship and love. Outwardly, they have a lot in common, so it’s very easy to confuse them. Friendship and love are characterized by stability. Even if there is misunderstanding and resentment, after a while everything dissolves.
At the same time, friends remain friends, and people who love each other also try to forget the barbs inflicted on each other and make peace. Both concepts are based on empathy, mutual assistance, spiritual closeness, as well as respect and support.
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Pros of friendship between exes5
1. Intimate relationships. Couples do not always immediately find a new relationship after breaking up. And therefore, many former partners continue to practice intimate relationships for a long time to maintain the normal life of an adult.
2. Understanding. If the relationship has been long, then people usually know each other too well, from how many spoons of sugar to put in tea to how to help and what to say in a given difficult life situation.
3. Have someone to ask for advice. Again, knowing you almost 100%, your ex-lover will be able to give practical advice, understanding what will help you best.
4. Share common interests. If you had common interests, for example, music or business, then you can combine business with pleasure. For example, going to concerts of your favorite bands together or discussing new business projects over a cup of tea.
5. Absolute honesty. Former couples no longer make sense to deceive each other. And therefore, you can ask such a person about everything that interests you and, most likely, unless of course he is an inveterate deceiver, you will get the truth.
6. No envy or competition. Unlike friendships between same-sex friends. Here he won’t compete in the fight for the new guy’s heart, and she won’t envy the fact that you have bigger biceps.
Afterword
To maintain a good relationship after a breakup, you need to have great inner strength and wisdom. This is the ability of mature individuals. You can remain friends only if you completely get rid of resentment, irritation, and anger. You need to recognize and remember the positive things that this relationship brought, find the strength to accept and let go of the negative experience, learn from it, and admit your responsibility for what happened.
Sometimes ex-partners improve their relationship after some time. And immediately after parting, they give each other the opportunity to analyze what happened, accept, weigh, evaluate objectively.
Cons of friendship between exes6
1. The presence of prohibited topics in conversations. Even if the feelings have faded, it is not very pleasant for each of the newly made friends to talk, for example, about new relationships, sexual achievements, and so on.
2. Suddenly the feelings did not fade away. If they have not faded away for both partners, then everything is not so scary and, perhaps, the couple will reunite. But if only one person has love in the heart, then this can cause many difficulties in communication, jealousy and prolonged depression.
3 Difficulties in developing new relationships. Perhaps former partners will be able to build a new relationship with someone, but will new passions be satisfied with friendship with their ex? Hardly.
4. Hints. If you have clearly decided for yourself that there is no sex without a relationship, then you may be faced with the fact that all sorts of hints may come from your ex-partner, which are sometimes difficult to resist. If you do not treat intimate relationships as something sacred, then this is, of course, a plus. But if this is considered humiliating for you, then be prepared to face unpleasant moments.
If we talk about whether friendship between exes is possible, it is important to understand that all cases are individual. Psychologists say that friendship is worth maintaining if you have mutual friends, children, or work. But it is worth giving up friendship if the separation occurred due to betrayal, endless jealousy, after physical or mental violence and assault, or if your partner suffers from alcoholism, drug addiction, and so on.
In general, if your former relationship caused you a lot of pain and suffering, give it up without regret, friendship will only make the situation worse. But if the breakup was mutual, then maintaining friendly relations will make your relationship more sincere and warm. In the meantime, the phrase “Let’s remain friends” after a breakup is the most popular and it’s up to everyone to decide whether they are ready to take such a decisive step!
