An open relationship is an individual decision of two people to build relationships with each other without obligations. Such relationships in a couple do not have jealousy, lies, or any demands. The essence of an open relationship is determined by each couple individually and taking into account their particular context of interaction, but they imply a certain degree of freedom of expression of flirting and light intimate relationships with others. Most often, fairly active young couples choose open relationships. The issue of fidelity in this case remains inviolable, since people are emotionally attached to each other and in the spiritual sense there is no betrayal.
People who choose open relationships tend to believe that the partner’s interaction with others will not lead to a breakup, and prefer to provide complete freedom of communication with everyone with whom the person is interested, instead of limiting and controlling his actions and meetings. It is important to realize that this type of relationship is not legalized betrayal or a demonstration of indifference to a partner. Rather, it is trust, respect for a person’s personality and choice. Power, possessiveness, control and jealousy are replaced by trust, freedom, and respect. And if we remember the principle of desire for the forbidden, then the fact of treacherous betrayal in free relationships is minimal.
This type of connection is more acceptable for couples who do not have and are not yet planning children, from the point of view that children absorb surrounding behavior patterns. So, with one-sided betrayal among people who have chosen an open relationship, the second forgives out of an understanding of physiological characteristics, the knowledge that it is better to maintain this stable relationship than to leave and try to build new ones, but, nevertheless, experiences unpleasant emotions. A child can learn such behavior as generally accepted and not traumatic to another.
People who choose open relationships have a different psychology from those who adhere to standard responsibilities. We can say that they choose to enjoy the present moment, love intense emotions, do not suffer from a decrease in self-esteem, and respect the choices and decisions of others.
What is the meaning of an open relationship
An open relationship is a model of behavior between a woman and a man in which the partners realize that they are satisfied with being together, but for certain reasons they do not want to burden themselves with serious responsibility.
People in such relationships do not make claims, demands, and are not jealous. Spouses have the right to do what they want. Even communicate with representatives of the opposite sex, have a sexual relationship on the side, if this does not exceed the boundaries of the agreement.
Giving preference to this model of behavior, it is necessary to establish certain conditions on which the relationship will be based. Thanks to this, you can avoid misunderstandings and quarrels, and also make life together easier. Psychologists recommend discussing the following aspects with your chosen one:
- Is it possible to have sex with other people? This question is the most important. It is necessary to understand that if people are in an open relationship, this does not mean at all that they can betray each other. If sexual relations on the side are permitted, then the partners do not consider it cheating. For many people, spiritual intimacy is much more important than physiology.
- Is it allowed to have one permanent lover? If one of the spouses regularly meets for sex on the side with one person, this casts doubt on his fidelity on a spiritual level.
- Does it make sense to advertise the union, or is it better to hide it? If a couple plans to live together or maintains a common budget, it is better to first set priorities, establish the financial contribution of each, determine household responsibilities in order to understand whether this model of relationship can have any impact on the usual life of the married couple.
By establishing specific rules, the guy and the girl will be able to roughly imagine what their union will look like. Awareness of the issue will make it possible to see the advantages and disadvantages before starting an affair with the person you like without serious obligations, which, as a rule, are marriage, fidelity, the birth of heirs and care in any life situations.
Who is it suitable for?
Having found out what an open relationship is, we will determine the circle of suitable participants:
- People who have experienced divorce proceedings or a difficult separation from a loved one. A person is not able to quickly switch gears and believe in serious intentions, but sexual needs have not disappeared.
- Partners do not see in each other the qualities of an ideal spouse.
- A friend for intimate meetings evokes passionate attraction and nothing more.
- Good friends for whom intimacy is a pleasant pastime, improves health, and improves mood.
Be careful: you can get caught in cunningly placed networks. Such connections can serve as a prelude to a serious, long-term romance.
Pros and cons of a free union
Only a brave daredevil can dare to agree to an affair without obligations, since in addition to the advantages, in the form of relative freedom, there are also significant disadvantages. If the essence of such a relationship is contrary to the beliefs of one of the partners, then this can become a significant obstacle on the path of the married couple. It often happens that women and men disagree during the boundary-setting stage.
The negative aspects of such relationships, which have no prospects, may appear much later. Often, after a long period of communication, one of the union participants realizes that he needs stability. In this case, there are two options for the development of events: disperse or change the rules.
pros
The benefits of a union without burdensome obligations convince representatives of both sexes to seriously consider reconsidering their views on love relationships. Main advantages:
- Lack of jealousy. Many people prefer open relationships, as they have already felt the unpleasant effects of jealousy and restrictions on the part of their chosen one. A man, being in a couple, can calmly communicate and meet with other young ladies, while his companion does not arrange a debriefing. Without jealousy there are no quarrels.
- The world is not limited to just your partner. Participants in traditional relationships often think only about their other half. The circle of people who have given preference to free love is not limited to the chosen one. Such people do what they love, get to know each other, and experience new emotions.
- Reliability and strength of the union. Breakups among couples who are not burdened with responsibilities are quite rare. The basis of their relationship is not feelings, but friendship and spiritual intimacy.
Many people mistakenly believe that only representatives of the stronger sex see the advantages of an open relationship with a partner, and for passions they are unattractive. However, self-sufficient and self-confident girls often become the initiators of such a union, believing that only deep and conscious feelings can become a reason to settle on one guy.
Minuses
The public in most cases continues to frown upon supporters of open relationships, believing that such unions are immoral and go against the norms of ethics and morality. Opponents of such a union present their arguments:
- Such love is unnatural, wild and short-lived.
- The members of the union move away. Being independent, their need for a second half decreases every day.
- Jealousy is absolutely evident. If one of the spouses does not want to enter into such a relationship and hides his needs for the sake of his lover, then the couple will not be happy. When jealous, a person begins to withdraw into himself or splashes out negative emotions on his companion. Both scenarios will lead to separation.
- There is a possibility of contracting transmitted infections, as well as unwanted pregnancy.
It is necessary to realize that any disadvantages and advantages of free love are subjective. The success of a marriage depends on the characteristics of temperament, worldview, worldview, and principles.
Psychologists' opinion
The topic of free love occupies an important place in the psychology of relationships. There are a number of reasons why people crave love without commitment:
- Fear of a serious relationship.
- Rejection of the traditional family model.
- Psychological immaturity.
- Fear of commitment.
Psychologists believe that such relationships are more often chosen by young people who crave variety. More mature individuals tend towards traditional monogamous relationships.
Open relationships, like any other form, have advantages and disadvantages. Love without obligations is more suitable for unformed personalities. To create a strong and lasting union, it is important to rely not only on falling in love, but also on the moral qualities of the partner.
Male point of view
Men are polygamous by nature, so the format of such a family is very attractive to them. What does the sw relationship format mean for the stronger sex?
First of all, this is the opportunity to cheat on your companion with impunity. But there is a catch: the young lady also has the right to cheat within the framework of this marriage model. And here another natural feature manifests itself in the head of the family - individualism. The feeling of jealousy takes its toll, although in fact there are no obligations to each other.
These masculine characteristics are often forgotten when choosing this type of relationship. There are many pitfalls here, including jealousy, the feeling of the presence of an opponent, and time constraints. In fact, it would be a mistake to assume that a guy is able to withstand this type of love for a long time. He will still go to a new passion, more conservative in his views.
Guide to action
To legitimize an open relationship, you must follow certain rules of behavior:
- Take a break. Any pressure or excessive persistence will cause a negative reaction and lead to a complete rupture.
- Try to hurt a man's pride. Hints about rivals are perceived by some guys as a guide to active action;
- Talk frankly. Calmly, without complaints or offense, share your plans and hopes.
- Intrigue. Become mysterious and cold. Mystery and sudden indifference fuel curiosity. The man will be more attentive and, perhaps, will notice his future wife nearby.
- Just wait. A person must be given time to make a decision to legitimize the relationship.
If none of the methods give results, take your time and end the relationship. When there is nothing between partners other than physical attraction, an open relationship will never develop into a legal marriage.
Women's point of view
Women are more monogamous than the stronger sex. Of course, the feminist movement has been gaining popularity recently, however, it has not been able to curb the desire of girls to get married. What does this term mean for beautiful young ladies? Why do they agree to this? Psychology identifies several main reasons:
- The man cheated. One day a girl meets a handsome prince, falls in love with him, and accepts all his words as truth. Here the sly man begins to start talking about the delights of an open relationship, giving a bunch of arguments in their favor. Having trusted him, she herself does not notice how she falls into their network.
- The woman is cheating. This is the reverse of the first case. The lady herself gives freedom without making any claims. But a wise woman will only first give imaginary freedom, and then she will envelop him in deceit and drag him into the registry office.
- I was deceived in my expectations. This happens too. The wife herself is thinking about a serious relationship and decided to conduct an experiment to see if she likes this format more than the traditional one. Moreover, usually such ladies were disappointed more than once. In reality, such freedom becomes a cage for a representative of the fair half of humanity who dreams of mutual love.
What is polygamy?
What is polygamy? Polygamy is the exact opposite of monogamy, where there are more than two people in a relationship. Polygamy is a form of relationship where the presence of other partners and a larger number of love affairs is allowed. There is polygamy and polyandry, where there are several wives or husbands in a marriage union. There is also polyamory.
What is polyamory in simple words? Polyamory is an open relationship (free love), which has been talked about so much and often in recent years. These relationships are the result of an open or unspoken agreement between a man and a woman. They allow for the possibility of loving and intimate relationships with several people at the same time. As a result, in addition to the main relationship, there are short-term love affairs on the side.
Alternative opinion
What is an open relationship? For the vast majority, this concept has a negative meaning. Any communication: friendly, professional, sexual implies mutual obligations. The exceptions are people who live by the principle: “The day has passed, and that’s okay.” Aimless existence, short-term relationships, lack of plans allows you to waste your life indifferently as long as you have strength, desires, and health. Just what's next? By nature, man is a social being. Everyone is connected by invisible threads with the people around them, even strangers. And what can we say about close relationships! Having no obligations while valuing freedom and independence means communicating not only without love, but also without mutual respect. And this is immoral and immoral. Paradoxically, people who reject open relationships find positive aspects in them:
- cost savings;
- a calm conscience;
- orderly sex life.
However, they see more significant shortcomings:
- soul emptiness;
- awareness of the fragility of relationships;
- lack of sincerity and trust.
Close relationships do not make people close people. An unexpectedly flared up feeling for a partner will have to be hidden so as not to violate the agreement. The result is pain from separation, loneliness, depression. Some decide to undertake such experiments in order to gain sexual experience, others to heal mental wounds, and others to escape from loneliness. Only in reality everything turns out differently: satisfying the sexual instinct, a person feels useless and lonely. Think about the wise saying: “You’d better starve than eat anything, and it’s better to be alone than with just anyone.”
Unexpected nuances
Life often brings surprises. Let's focus on non-standard life situations:
The woman you like is categorically against such connections. If the partner does not listen to reasonable arguments and does not even agree to try to live in a new way, the man will have to retreat and abandon dreams of sexual intimacy. In this case, both the partner and the partner suffer. Not finding satisfaction of desires with his chosen one, the man will quickly find a replacement.
The ex-lover is inflamed with desire and offers an open relationship. Do not rush to shower with reproaches or be offended. It’s better to think about what prompted the person to make such a decision. Perhaps you turned out to be the only one necessary. It’s not for nothing that they say: “What we have, we don’t keep; when we lose it, we cry.”
The other half turned out to be bound by marriage. Is the situation unpleasant? Not at all! Household problems disappear. Washing, preparing dinner for a woman. Burnt out light bulbs, a collapsed shelf or a broken faucet for a man. There is no need to pretend to be a vest for tears, listen, sympathize, get upset. Dating time is limited, so spend it only on pleasure and meeting each other’s needs.
The husband offers an open relationship to his legal wife. Don't create scandals or hysterics. Find out what kind of freedom your loved one craves. Perhaps this is the only opportunity to revive your former passion and desire.
Fatal mistakes
Having analyzed the pros and cons of open relationships, we will find out the risks and misconceptions. It’s one thing when a woman consciously agrees to have sex without mutual obligations. Another is when the partner subconsciously expects more or is simply mistaken about the fan’s intentions. Unfortunately, not every whirlwind romance or passionate night ends in marriage. If the situation suits both, great. And if not? How to understand a fan's intentions in advance? A man who is only interested in sexual relationships tends to exhibit the following qualities:
Impatience, which is expressed:
- in compliments of a special kind. The guy pays attention not to moral qualities, intellectual development, but to external advantages, sexuality;
- in behavior. At the first meeting, he tries to establish tactile contact in order to determine the level of availability.
Closedness. Secrecy manifests itself in the following:
- does not talk about family, work, hobbies;
- do not rush to introduce relatives and friends;
- avoids contact with the chosen one’s friends.
Stinginess.
Saves on everything:
- does not give gifts;
- does not invite you to restaurants, clubs, theaters;
- reduces communication time to a minimum.
Indifference to your partner's problems.
A person is not interested in, and causes irritation and annoyance, requests for help, advice or sympathy.
A specific meeting place.
A man makes a date near his or your apartment. This allows you to find yourself in a private environment and have sex without foreplay. If you want an open relationship, put up with such shortcomings. What is the basis of one-night stands? How to protect yourself from such an error? Why do partners, barely recognizing each other, run away?
There are two main reasons:
- The goals of lovers do not coincide. A woman instinctively seeks a spouse, and a man instinctively seeks a sexual partner. It is possible that the guy craves a long-term relationship, and the girl craves entertainment.
- There is no satisfaction from intimacy. Sex plays an important role not only during a casual meeting. A strong family is impossible if the spouses do not enjoy themselves in bed.
If one of the two did not want to continue, you should forget about the grievances. It is better to call for frankness in order to find out the reasons and not make mistakes next time. The bitter truth is always better than the unknown and sweet lies.
If a man has recently separated from his previous lover4
Probably, every woman had to try on the role of a “vest” at least once in her life. Of course, the realization that you are being used is not pleasant. But, some women, especially those who are selflessly in love with a man and are ready to do anything to be with him.
At the same time, never in your life will you see a truly self-sufficient woman in the place of the “vest”. Strong and modern, she simply cannot devote her life to satisfying someone else's lusts and needs.
Castle on the sand
A person who understands what an open relationship is will not harbor empty illusions. The possibility of transforming sex without commitment into a lasting union of lovers is negligible. Of course, there are no rules without exceptions. However, more often than not, wishful thinking is taken as reality. A woman chooses a partner who, due to his character or due to circumstances, is not suitable for the role of a life partner.
For example:
- unfree man; A partner bound by a stamp in a passport or a civil marriage is definitely looking for pleasure, sex, and variety. Only a strong feeling will force him to change his established, well-established way of life.
- pickup artist; Professional seducer. For such a man, the beautiful half of humanity is an object of study and observation. The goal is to combine business with pleasure with minimal financial costs.
- a man at a critical age; “Grey hair in a beard is a devil in a rib,” people say very wisely. In fact, the crisis of adulthood pushes the stronger half of humanity to take rash actions in order to assert themselves and increase self-esteem. Hobbies of this kind are passionate, but fleeting.
- careerist - workaholic; A person cares about business, career, power, material well-being. Family, children, love - this is a distant prospect. A woman is needed to have fun and satisfy physiological needs.
- divorced man; A partner who has experienced a divorce enters into a new relationship in order to fully experience the feeling of freedom, heal emotional wounds, or get distracted. There can be no talk of any serious intentions.
