Is love possible at a distance and how to save a relationship

November 7, 2018
Psychology of relationships
Blackwhisker Rose

Separation in love is like the wind: it extinguishes weak feelings, and blows strong ones even stronger. Loving people always want to be close to each other, touch is important. Kilometers for lovers are torture. But it is impossible to foresee everything - sometimes couples have to be in different cities and even countries with their feelings. Does love exist at a distance, how long does it last, what are the ways to preserve it? These questions interest many contemporaries. After all, many leave to study or work in other cities.

What to do if fate separates two loving hearts by kilometers? Not everyone can stand this test. But there are many examples of successful resolution of such a situation. Let's try to figure out whether love at a distance is a reality or a myth, whether real romantics exist these days.

The hard fate of lovers

So is there love at a distance, what are its signs? Of course it exists, if it is real. Strong feelings always prompt lovers to take the right actions to resolve any situation. It happens that a couple communicates by letter and telephone for several years, and then reunites and becomes very happy. There are cases that are completely opposite. But even ordinary situations often end in divorce, when, being constantly nearby, people get bored of each other.

If you don’t know what long-distance love is called, then we’ll tell you - virtual relationships. Their main disadvantage is that they seem to be there, but at the same time they seem to be absent. Lovers have to experience a strange feeling, being in different cities, if they so want to see each other in reality. After all, in a relationship it is so important to do everything together, share the good and the bad, make common decisions, make plans. Is love possible at a distance? Yes, but sometimes it feels like a breakup. Still, we will not be pessimists, because everything is very individual. All people are different, and some people like this particular type of romantic relationship.

Vishnevsky’s novel “Loneliness on the Internet” immediately comes to mind. The relationships between his characters began purely by chance on the Internet. They had long conversations on the Internet every day and found a lot in common with each other. The characters begin to get bored without everyday communication and dream of meeting. One day it happens...

It’s not very often that you can meet your person, for whom you will be the chosen one and the only one. And even if the distance separates the lovers, they must try to maintain the ignited flame between them. Today, a typical situation is when a man goes to work in a metropolis or abroad, leaving his beloved in his hometown. This is a real challenge for many couples and families. Only the most persistent of them manage to maintain love.

Negative points

Why do most couples decide to separate when they can't stand the separation? Every situation has positive and negative sides. Many people are not ready for the latter. But if you take them into account, there is a high probability of saving the relationship.

Negative points that you will have to face:

The first thing your loved ones think about is: “what about sex.” After all, you can talk on the phone. But no technology can replace physical touch.
Chances are that your significant other and you will enjoy the freedom. Left alone, you suddenly realize that a heavy burden has been lifted from your shoulders.
When a breakup lasts for a long time, you gradually get used to being alone, and it stops embarrassing you.
Being far away, your loved one will not be able to support you in difficult times. Subconsciously you will reproach him for this, although with your mind you understand that he is not to blame.
Being separated for a long time, we see only the good in our loved one. This can play a cruel joke and bring disappointment when meeting.

People who know the value of real feelings, who have won it with difficulty, and who have given years of their lives to the relationship, manage to preserve love.

These conclusions sound disappointing, because you don’t want to ruin a relationship built with love and care due to a coincidence of circumstances.

Positive aspects of remote relationships

Despite all the difficulties of separation, such relationships are still possible. Even rare meetings from time to time can help such love survive. Such short-term reunions become a real incentive for lovers who are looking forward to them. Each time the feeling flares up with renewed vigor. Each new date can be called a real honeymoon. Loved ones do not have time to delve into each other's shortcomings, but spend every minute on pleasant surprises and compliments. Here are the positive aspects of such a relationship:

free evenings;
self-improvement during the weekend;
career growth;
the opportunity to pursue a hobby or learn something new.

Your other half will definitely appreciate all your efforts later. It is not at all necessary to suffer and think about the bad in separation. This way you can quickly lose your loved one. A person needs to develop as an individual in any situation. In rare encounters, the changes are especially noticeable. People gain confidence and determination.

Learn to write love letters, SMS. Romance will do you good. Sometimes distance separates people, and sometimes it only brings them closer. A great desire to see his beloved will definitely force a man to come to her on weekends or holidays.

Don't become clingy

Many people do not believe that love at a distance exists. It's not all doom and gloom. Recently, Canadian scientists wrote about love at a distance, that it can sometimes be no less satisfying than ordinary love. The main thing is to be sincere, honest with your partner, have a positive attitude towards a good result and maintain the relationship.

Are you still not sure whether love at a distance is possible and whether it exists? The answer, of course, is yes. But the geographic separation of partners cannot be compensated for by intrusive virtual communication. This wastes a lot of time and effort, and everything begins to resemble hard everyday work. Don't be too clingy to your partner. Nobody wants to be someone else's property. Write less, but write well.

Precise definitions of relationship significance

Romantic relationships on opposite sides of the country imply an agreement between partners about what they want from each other, what they expect. It is very important. If you decide to spend time, emotions, energy on virtual relationships, then be sure to determine the seriousness of your intentions. Plans for the future must be joint, obligations must be mutual.

It happens that young people just enjoy spending time with each other, sometimes visiting or going on vacation. Nothing else. For a serious relationship this approach is not needed. Exclusivity and loyalty are important here. In a serious relationship, a couple should be open and frank.

Reliable assistant - Skype or Viber

Not everyone likes to use video calling. Some are embarrassed by their not-so-attractive appearance in the morning or their hoarse voice. Skype may not provide a perfect picture, but it's better than nothing. Our ancestors did not have such an opportunity to send romantic messages daily over long distances.

Modern technology is something to be grateful for. Hugging your loved one, stroking his hair, smelling his scent won’t help, but you can look into each other’s eyes and talk about the most intimate things. You can determine for yourself how many times you need to call each other this way per week. For girls, such video calls will be an incentive to put on beautiful makeup and dress up.

Sexual fantasies

Does love exist at a distance if there are no intimate connections? This is a question many young people ask. Lack of sex is indeed a real test for a couple. But your messages may have some playfulness, flirting, and flirting. You can send an intimate photo to your loved one. Some people manage to show each other something over Skype. Sexting is not “dirty” at all; it allows you to maintain your relationship and nourish it emotionally. This will prevent betrayal and temptation.

During sexual abstinence, give yourself more to spiritual desires. Describe your fantasies to your loved one if you cannot tell by looking into their eyes. This behavior will serve to develop an erotic language and vocabulary that belongs only to you. With affectionate words you will give love more sensuality. The main thing is to monitor your network security!

Is it possible to love from a distance?

Love is a complicated thing. It is not clear how and why our heart chooses a certain person with whom we then fall in love. But what to do if a person falls in love, but cannot be near his beloved, have the opportunity to see and touch him? Will such love really fade away? Not at all necessary. Surely there is at least one couple in your circle who had to pass the test of time and distance, and who now live together and are happy.

People rarely fall in love at a distance. Therefore, it is difficult to give recommendations on how to preserve feelings. Although in the modern world people can fall in love without even seeing each other, thanks to the World Wide Web and social media. networks. And what can we say about concerts, trips, meetings of friends, business trips and so on. Any unexpected meeting can inflame feelings.

Gaining general experience

How else to warm up relationships at a distance? Talk about a new book you read, a movie you watched, a TV show, a music video. Shared viewing, listening, reading leads to a shared experience, a shared mental space. Next time you will have more to talk about. Fight laziness, be sure to look through what your significant other recommends. If you don't feel comfortable doing this at the moment, be sure to do it later and give your feedback. Love at a distance is working on the relationship itself, a strong desire, faith in its further development. There is no doubt in this case. Support each other so that uncertainty goes away.

Challenges of LDR

Surveys of students suggest that partners who doubted they would ever live together felt “significantly more upset and less satisfied” than those who were sure.

Of course, few people are able to withstand the high level of uncertainty inherent in long-distance relationships: they involve greater freedom for both partners and less opportunity for control. In addition, it is much easier to end a long-distance relationship - this circumstance makes it difficult for some to feel safe.

Ekaterina Ignatova, psychologist:
“Our way of building relationships is greatly influenced by the type of attachment (J. Bowlby) that we acquire in our parental family. For people with a secure attachment type, distance may not significantly affect the perception of their partner and themselves. For them, long-distance relationships can be quite strong and close.
If a person has an anxious or avoidant attachment type, then increasing distance causes severe anxiety. It is important for them to receive confirmation of their love. Because of anxiety, there is a temptation to think further, doubt, and look for flaws in your partner. In such conditions, difficulties and conflicts are experienced especially acutely. And, of course, this greatly affects the climate in relations and their stability.”

What other challenges are there in LDR?

Difference in time

Synchronizing your time for communication is quite difficult, especially when you have a big difference in time zones. When one of the partners has a free minute, and the other is working, relaxing with friends or just sleeping, it’s quite difficult to say to yourself “oh well” and go about your business. When you want attention and communication, but there is no way to satisfy the need for this on your own, thoughts of loneliness and jealousy may arise.

Difference in mentality

The difference in the attitude of partners towards work, money, family and childbirth is important. Our values depend on our upbringing and the culture in which we were formed. Sometimes cultural differences can become quite a problem.

The language barrier can also be added to this point: if partners are native speakers of different languages, then it will be more difficult for them to express their feelings and emotions, especially when correspondence is the main method of communication.

And at first, misunderstandings are inevitable, even if you have a perfect command of the language your partner speaks.

Jealousy

Neither partner in a long-distance relationship can control the other: who is he with, what is he doing, and is he telling the truth? Jealousy appears not only from the fear that they will find a replacement for you, but also due to the fact that the partner spends time with friends: they can be near him, but you cannot.

Lack of physical intimacy

Sex is one of the most important items on the LDR list of challenges. Physical intimacy contributes to the emergence of attachment to a person on a hormonal level: we need touch, kind words, hugs from a partner. In addition, it is much easier to convey your emotions by simply hugging a person, looking into their eyes, or smiling. People have different sexual needs, but almost everyone has them.

Woman, 23 years old, Ukraine, in LDR with a Russian:
“The most important difficulty is the lack of warmth, tenderness, hugs and support. Tactile sensations, social stroking, the opportunity to fool around, watch a movie in an embrace - I need all this like air. If I felt bad and my man was nearby at that moment, he would probably just hug me, but he doesn’t know how to show tenderness from a distance. I have to put up with this. And emotions are still invisible: it is impossible to track how your words and actions affect a person. Everything needs to be spoken out.”

Loved ones against

Both among young people and among older people, there are those who look at relationships more conservatively, believing that LDR is self-indulgence. It’s especially hard when your loved ones think so. You want to feel support from them, but all you see is distrust and a desire to prove that your relationship is doomed.

Don't forget to enjoy life alone!

Even far from your loved one, you need to learn to enjoy life and breathe deeply. Do not devalue time, because every moment is precious. Use separation correctly, do not live only for minutes of chance meetings. After all, from date to date you can plunge into a meaningless, gray existence reminiscent of imprisonment. Some even cross out days on the calendar. You don't need to do that. These are beautiful gestures, but they do not bring anything positive, because life is short, and you need to spend every day usefully.

If you pretend to be unhappy, then life will take on dark colors, you will have nothing to share with your loved one, energy and drive will disappear. Don't devalue your life without your other half, focus on the next meeting. Be happy, and fate will bring you pleasant surprises. Dream and everything will come true! Try your best to switch your brain to “happiness” mode. There are also advantages to forced solitude. You will have plenty of time to reflect on your precious relationship. Don't isolate yourself, go to friends and family. Away with melancholy and sadness! This is how you will become more interesting to your soul mate. Trust your distant but so close person. Long-distance relationships require some financial expenses, but for love you should not regret them.

Today, scientists are working to help lovers at a distance. An unusual device is being created that will help partners use light rays to create the effect of touching each other on their bodies. This new gadget will have special rings that are worn on lovers and respond to touch. If you cope with all the difficulties of separation, then you have found the right position in life. Such relationships can last a very long time!