Alphonse man: psychology of behavior, types, how to recognize

Not long ago we received a letter asking for help! The one who wrote the letter, Maria, is at a crossroads and does not know what to do. We are publishing the letter and will try to help many women in the same situation recognize a gigolo man.

Love is evil, you will love... gigolo. According to generally accepted rules, if a man pays for a woman, then this is normal, but if on the contrary, then society begins to condemn such a man, although men and women have long been equal in rights. Modern women try to achieve everything on their own, but while they are busy with their careers, their personal lives usually don’t work out, so they are ready to believe anyone who will make them fall in love again. That is why wealthy and single young ladies should be especially careful not to become a victim of a gigolo. But, as practice shows, today not only rich ladies, but also ordinary women with a small income become victims of gigolos. A woman’s modest salary and low social level will not protect her from meeting a gigolo: he will always find something to profit from. A woman’s main defense against a gigolo is insight and knowledge of male psychology.

Who is a gigolo?

Alphonse is not only a man’s profession, but also the state of his soul. This is a man who lives in the support of women. Men sometimes become gigolos by force, but most often gigolos are professional dependents. All gigolos have one thing in common - parasitism, that is, the use of the resources, strength and energy of women who are in close relationships with them. You can lose your home tomorrow, all your savings to the last penny, and even go to prison if you are not ready to meet... with a gigolo!

Why does the gigolo use women?

“The psychological motivation of gigolos can be different - from inner peace and “filial” peace to a state of eternal war and unconscious revenge for dislike,” the expert notes.

According to Alena August, very often gigolos grow up with authoritarian or overprotective mothers. From childhood, such a person develops the idea of a woman as an omnipotent, domineering parent who can do anything. Well, the infantile gigolo constantly feels like a helpless and weak little boy to whom everyone owes money.

“A man of this type doesn’t even imagine that there is any other way. That is, of course, he sees that others live differently, but in his inner reality everything is harmonious,” the expert emphasizes.

In other cases, male dependency is a sign of a psychopathic personality. “This is not a psychiatric pathology in the classical sense of the word, but it is not the norm either, since an equal connection with people around us, a comfortable social exchange, is lost,” emphasizes psychologist and specialist Svetlana Bibikova .

How men become gigolos

Psychologists say that all human problems begin in childhood. This is also true for gigolo men. A young man who was raised by an overbearing mother, accustomed to subjugating her children and husband, grows up passive, he tries to avoid responsibility, does not have stable goals and is not able to independently manage his life. A child who is loved by everyone, protected from everything, protected from problems, will most likely grow up infantile, irresponsible and cowardly. The presence of such qualities will only stimulate his dependent needs. The son of a successful businesswoman who works from morning to evening can become a gigolo man. Such a mother can replace the lack of maternal attention with endless indulgences. Such young men often become excellent manipulators, playing on feelings of guilt, striving only to receive, without giving anything in return.

Often gigolos become simply handsome young men who have a well-spoken tongue and are not overly burdened with intellect. All these young men, growing up, will look for their benefactress, patroness, or simply a caring nanny.

Alphonse is not a swindler3

Usually, gigolo men are put on a par with marriage swindlers and other similar deceivers who dishonestly profit from gullible girls’ hearts. This is not entirely true, because a gigolo, as a rule, does not deceive a woman. The problem here is different.

When faced with such men, a woman very often finds herself captive of their “professional” techniques. It seems to her that in front of her is the man of her life, for whom she, of course, will not regret anything. But very soon it turns out that her chosen one is not ready for a harmonious relationship, much less any sacrifices for the sake of his beloved.

Types of gigolos

Alphonse the Slacker or Household Alphonse

This type of men is the most common. They, as a rule, do not rob their victims of every penny. It is enough for them to live in an apartment, feed at the expense of a woman and not work. Sometimes a man has a good and interesting job that allows him to support his family, but due to various circumstances he loses his job. In this case, the main responsibility for maintaining the family falls on the woman. Often a woman also earns good money and her earnings are quite enough to solve all material issues. Sometimes, if a man is calm about this balance of power, he switches to housekeeping and raising children. A more common case is that a man who has lost his job continues to try to find a job for some time, but after several attempts he gives up this activity, realizing that he can completely do without work. If such a man is self-sufficient, then he will devote himself to some kind of work. hobby, or engage in creativity, or start, for example, building a country house (dacha). Such men willingly yield to a woman the role of breadwinner, breadwinner and protector. But it happens that when men find themselves without work, they do not acquire any other goals or incentives for further personal development. And then such a man turns into a gigolo-idler.

His goal is to obtain a certain amount of benefits with a minimum of effort. Due to certain internal and external reasons, he prefers to simply sit on a woman’s neck. The victims of such men are overly trusting women who have low self-esteem, but are ready to sacrifice themselves in the name of love. Alphonse the slacker will try to completely subjugate a woman, further lowering her self-esteem, constantly showing dissatisfaction with her, suggesting that he is the only one who needs her.

Cleaning, cooking, washing and other chores around the house - all this is purely “women’s work” for him. Any man's work, in his opinion, is intended (and this opinion will be well justified) for specialists - electricians, carpenters and plumbers. In such a union, the woman “works hard” at several jobs, runs the household, raises children, and the husband sits all day long on the couch or playing computer games and drinking beer with friends.

Alphonse the slacker will easily find reasons not to work: poor health, an unclaimed profession, a refined poetic and artistic nature, a victim of perestroika, etc. If you throw a scandal about his idleness, he will begin to study newspapers, simulating a hectic search for work. Even after getting a job, he most often, after working for a month or two, finds a plausible excuse to quit and again sits on a woman’s neck.

As a rule, such a man is capricious, does not tolerate criticism, is demanding, and has heightened self-esteem and pride. The gigolo the slacker gigolo himself, of his own free will, does not leave the family. The exception is if he meets a new candidate who is ready to shoulder the heavy cross of sacrificial love.

Alphonse - the seducer or Zhigalo

This is a man with some sadness in his eyes, showing with all his appearance that he has a difficult fate behind him. He is often restrained in his emotions, sometimes seeming a little confused, embarrassed and indecisive, which gives him additional charm. And sometimes he is a mysterious, gloomy guy with secret sadness in his eyes. Sometimes he plays the image of a cheerful guy, the soul of the company. He is interested in everything that interests his companion. He pours out exquisite compliments and is very courteous. If on the first date a seductive gigolo fails to get a woman to visit him in order to save money on a cafe, then during a joint dinner it suddenly turns out that he forgot his wallet at home or it was completely stolen.

At the very beginning of a relationship, a gigolo-seducer can give a lady a bouquet of flowers or a small gift to lull her vigilance, but when a woman falls into his network, he reduces any expenses to a minimum.

His goal is to win a woman’s heart, tie the woman to himself and, while she is under the influence of her feelings, get as much as possible from her. He skillfully uses psychological techniques, telling heart-warming stories about health problems, about a dying grandmother, troubles at work or a tragedy in the life of his best friend, in general, he tries to evoke participation in himself by any means. His main technique is a “divorce” based on pity. He will not ask for something directly, but will present his problem in such a way that it will be awkward for the woman to remain indifferent. Such a gigolo may have several patroness at the same time, although, for sure, each of them believes that she alone will benefit her man.

Getting rid of such a man is very simple : you just need to stop financial support and announce supposedly serious financial difficulties. This is enough for the gigolo to completely lose interest in the woman.

Alphonse is a professional

Such a man is smart, intelligent, purposeful, decisive, and knows how to present himself in the most favorable light. He knows his worth and has clear goals. The main goal of such a gigolo is not only money, but also useful connections and decent social status. To match his patron, the professional gigolo is always impeccably dressed, has an expensive car, wears fashion accessories from famous brands, and visits fitness clubs, solariums and expensive salons. He is up to date with the latest developments in fashion, culture and art. She is well versed in female psychology and non-verbal communication.

Alphonse the professional monitors his manners, the timbre of his voice, and controls his emotions. Excellent knowledge of brands of cars, expensive watches, glasses, mobile phones, and knows how to evaluate jewelry or a fashion accessory “by eye.” He understands perfumes and cosmetics, guesses expensive smells, knows a lot about wines and cognacs, reads fashionable books and watches the latest films. All this knowledge helps him quickly determine the status of a woman, maintain a conversation with her, interest and intrigue her, calculating her tastes and preferences. This is a magnificent lover, capable of satisfying the most demanding tastes and fantasies.

Most often, the professional gigolo does not hide his attitude towards a woman. His lady knows or guesses what services he sells. The presence of a young, fit, bright, handsome man next to a business woman who knows how to gallantly look after his mistress may be the only opportunity to satisfy her vanity and save her from internal breakdown, feelings of emptiness, and dissatisfaction. A professional gigolo constantly changes women, gradually moving towards his goal and acquiring connections. By the age of 40-45, he needs to provide himself with a decent bank account, expensive housing and a car. Sometimes the ultimate goal of a professional is to receive his own business as a gift from a wealthy client or to marry her.

How to end a relationship with a gigolo

It is not always possible to understand the true essence of a gentleman at the initial stage of a relationship; sometimes a woman “sees the light” when everything has gone too far. Some people in such situations decide to leave everything as it is, while others decide to end their relationship with the gigolo.

If you are convinced that your chosen one is a gigolo, then take into account the following tips that can help you get rid of an unworthy life partner:

Severe refusal of financial assistance. You should not follow the lead, listening to the sob stories of a swindler. Does he complain about problems and troubles that do not allow him to breathe easy? Start complaining about your difficulties, say openly that you expect help and support from him, you can even list a number of actions with which he could be useful to you. If the gigolo understands that you do not plan to follow his lead, then he is unlikely to stay with you; he is more likely to run away literally the next day.
Call for work. Alphonses do not strive to work; they are accustomed to leading a parasitic lifestyle at the expense of a woman. Start demanding that he find a decent job, tell him about your plans for life together, and define his responsibilities. If you behave demandingly and do not give in, he will go in search of another victim.
Financial scandal. Because of the fear of losing her lover, the woman is in no hurry to demand repayment of the debt or payment of bills from him. Stop forgiving him for his “uselessness”, demand that he find a job and start bringing wages into the house, and participate in improving living conditions.

Signs of Alphonse

Lying about work

Alphonse is often a listener rather than a storyteller. And if he does, it’s only about how wonderful you are and how rich he is, for example, that he has his own business, a good, well-paid job. But no specific information: usually the gigolo does not name the specific institution in which he works. But if you still managed to find out the name of the company or association where he works, call and ask to invite him to the telephone - on the Internet it is possible to find out the landline telephone number of almost any organization - this way you can check whether he really works there. If, when asked about work, he refuses to answer under any pretext, then you should be wary. In fact, a man will always happily answer a woman’s question about what he understands.

Hides photos together

Almost always, gigolos at the beginning of a relationship avoid taking photographs together, and even more so, surrounded by your friends or relatives, in order to avoid any responsibility later. If the relationship is already longer and joint photo sessions simply cannot be avoided, the gigolo will simply hide your photos from public view. To check, take a photo with him surrounded by your friends. To do this, you can organize a surprise meeting with friends in the park, at a picnic, and so on. Naturally, a person who wants to deceive will avoid photos under various pretexts. This method is more likely to work if the relationship is just beginning, but if you already live together, the fact that your boyfriend simply does not want to advertise a photo with you may make you think. If there is only a photo, it is difficult to attract any legal liability. But offended girls often distribute the swindler’s photo on forums and social networks, which liars are very afraid of. After all, his next victim might see such a photo. And the girl’s furious father or friend can recognize it from the photograph and take revenge on the offender.

Hides documents

Of course, asking to see your passport on a date is not a good idea. After all, this clearly indicates your distrust of this person, but he may turn out to be a good guy. If you are just starting to date, invite your boyfriend to spend the weekend together in another city. When ordering train tickets or weekend excursions, you will need to present your passport. If a man begins to avoid shopping in every possible way, this should alert you. He does this so that after disappearing with your money, you will not be able to find him. After all, you can find out his real name or registration address. You can also find out information about whether this person is married and whether he has minor children.

Avoids talking about family

He can tell you his whole life, but these will only be emotional moments that evoke sympathy: he can tell you the details of his unhappy love, rejected friendship, huge inheritance, but he will not name facts or any specific data. As a result, it turns out that you do not know his friends, relatives and contacts. But don’t scare off a young man after a week of dating by demanding to introduce him to his parents. It’s better to just ask to see a family album or add him as a friend on social networks. If a man doesn’t use social networks on principle, it doesn’t matter. But if in every possible way he avoids talking about family and friends, about the places where he likes to spend his free time, this is an alarming sign.

Shows interest in your money

This sign is one of the most important; it can indicate a swindler even if the four listed signs are not observed. The main thing that a gigolo can give is confidence in his love. He does not skimp on compliments, promises, and romantic gestures. The deceiver strives to get into your home as quickly as possible, although you may not know his home address for a long time. It is very important at this moment to understand his material interest in your relationship. Alphonse will carefully begin to “test the waters” to see if you can go along with his trick. Please note that if on dates you suddenly have to spend your money, for example, the man will pretend that he forgot his wallet with all the money. Sometimes he can borrow small amounts - at first it may even be 10 rubles.

The deceptive tactics reach such perfection that you actually persuade yourself to take the money, while even feeling a sense of satisfaction that you were able to help such a wonderful man who values you so much. Often, having asked for a huge amount, the swindler begins to “shamefully” refuse to take the money, but the victim, “hooked” for compliments and attention, simply cannot believe that her lover will simply disappear after receiving the money.

Let's classify gigolo types?

If everything is clear with “professional gigolos” and gigolos from escorts for women - at least everything is fair there and everyone initially understands what they are getting into, then with everyday gigolos or scammers, you need to be on the alert.

They are looking for a place to comfortably “settle in” and something to profit from, they act unnoticed and you need to recognize and neutralize them at the beginning, while your self-esteem is still intact, not to mention your material values.

Alphonse the scammer

Very often you can find them on the Internet. And what? An ideal platform for “scanning” a victim without even meeting him in person. Saving time and money. Virtual hearts, flowers, poems – that’s all courtship is all about.

They often pose as foreigners, ready to fly on the wings of love for their passion. But at the airport itself, some kind of incident suddenly happens (the card was blocked, the account was seized, the wallet was stolen, etc.) - and he urgently asks for help (top up the card, phone number) from you, because there is no one else to turn to.

It’s the same in reality: a new acquaintance first showers you with compliments, treats you properly, and then moves on to active actions.

The scheme is simple: identify a potential victim with a resource (status, money, housing, etc.) - fall in love with yourself - gain confidence - find a weak point (mainly concerns self-esteem) - instill hope for a happy future together - get her resource.

There are also marriage scammers, but this is a separate topic. Let's talk about type more simply.

Household gigolo

Relationships with him are long-lasting and they even create families with them. They very quickly suggest to the girl, “Let’s live together. At your place". Getting to know everyday gigolos is quite banal.

But he always has some problems: his job is not going well, he has debts, his mother is sick, and in general he had to sell his apartment to pay off his ex, who robbed him completely. In general, everything is complicated and he quickly strives to move into an apartment with his beloved. Taking my cat and modest belongings.

And then suddenly it turns out that the woman works two jobs, cooks, washes, cleans and babysits children. And in the best case, he brings her coffee in bed, gives her flowers and helps around the house (although not a fact). And looking for himself. And sometimes - work.

Over time, the ardor of the faithful cools down, and the keeper of the hearth feels not like a keeper at all, but like a cornered horse. And he hears his hints that no one else needs you like that except him...

It’s not that he deliberately built some kind of scheme, like the previous type. No. He's simply lazy. Work, earn money, achieve something, take responsibility. For what?

If you can philander and parasitize, skillfully manipulating women’s weaknesses and playing on feelings, then it’s convenient. There is a roof over your head, food in the refrigerator and you don’t have to look too hard for a job.

These types are especially dangerous because the victim can only come to his senses when he has two children in his arms and a mortgage behind him. And, as you understand, bribes from him are smooth.

A disclaimer is needed here: things happen in life, and a normal male breadwinner is not immune from losing his job. But he will not stop until this issue is resolved.

And if financial problems arise, he will turn to friends, the bank, parents, in the end, but not to the woman.

Character traits

Attractive appearance

Almost all gigolo men have good taste, take care of their appearance, visit cosmetologists and the gym, sunbathe in a solarium, take care of their figure and even get a manicure.

Communication style

Gigolo men are always attentive and helpful. They are actively interested in a woman’s personal life, work and prospects. They convince her of the seriousness of their intentions, flatter her, and make meaningful pauses in the conversation. Sometimes a woman is challenged to a small argument to determine how compliant she is. Alphonse often talks about his heartfelt dramas or, conversely, convinces that he has never been so passionate before. However, if a woman shares her problems, he, as a rule, shows neither participation nor desire to help.

Behavior

It is pleasant to be in any company with a gigolo man: he anticipates a woman’s desires, has good manners, he does what the woman asks, tells her what she wants to hear, agrees to go wherever she wants. He is obsequious, generous with words, but not with gifts. And this behavior should alert you. In order to finally bring the gigolo to clean water, you can ask him about his personal life, profession, earnings, plans for life. As a rule, gigolos do not like such questions and answer evasively, in general phrases.

Why do women become victims of gigolos?

She is a smart, business woman, but she has no luck with men.
I had a lot of experience communicating with them, but it was unsuccessful; I may have even been married, but nothing good came of it. In the circle of her friends, she irritably says that “there is no love, all men are assholes!” However, deep down in her heart, she really hopes that she will still meet her chosen one. He's already on his way, he just got delayed somewhere along the way. And the heart yearns for love so much, because it exists in this world! What passionate men in endless TV series! And I want the same! The soul is wide open, oh, darling, where are you? I am waiting for you! And then a miracle, he appeared!..

They say that love is evil, you will love a goat! Does the gallant, courteous handsome man look like him? Dressed to the nines, smells like French perfume, gives roses. And how smart he is, how beautifully he talks about the stars. Oh, they are so far away, and he is nearby, and hugs you so passionately. There is so much of it, and the kisses are so hot!

And a lonely woman, missing warmth and affection, thoughtlessly rushes into the arms of a beautiful seducer...

When the sensual principle predominates in the relationship of lovers, the mind sleeps. A loving woman (often with low self-esteem) turns a blind eye to her man's shortcomings. She likes him madly, and he is also an excellent lover, she believes that this is quite enough to live happily. And if the darling turns out to be a rogue gigolo, the poor thing simply doesn’t notice it (or doesn’t want to believe it).

The “gentle and affectionate beast” takes advantage of the weakness of his girlfriend, swears his love to the grave, and completely fools the brains of his heart. And when he begins to mumble that he has financial problems, she sincerely believes and feels sorry for him, without hesitation, she gives him all her savings. And with a touching farewell kiss he disappears from her life forever. Finita la comedy!

It is important to know! Only blind, sensual female love gives rise to gigolo men!

Psychologist's comment:

If a gigolo came into a woman’s field of vision as a potential partner, then from a psychological point of view this happened for a reason. There is probably something in the way this woman looks, how she behaves, how she thinks about herself, men, women and money that attracts the attention of these kinds of men to her. Problems with self-esteem and, in particular, a weak sense of oneself as a beautiful, interesting and attractive person. In essence, a woman who becomes a victim of a gigolo broadcasts a message to herself and those around her: “as a woman, few people are interested in me, so you can only be with me in exchange for my benefits.” Men with an active lifestyle, who pay for themselves and for the woman they love, are unlikely to be interested in such a partner. After all, in fact, men are no worse than women at recognizing hidden messages coming from people, and it is quite clear: “I am uninteresting.” And since a healthy man does not need a woman’s money, decent representatives of the stronger sex rarely appear on this woman’s horizon. Naturally, this hits self-esteem even harder, so when an attractive, good-looking man appears next to a woman, the lady gives up almost without a fight - with all the ensuing consequences.

Even at the stage when you began to suspect a man of financial interest, you can pretend to be homeless, if you don’t have money - the gigolo will immediately disappear as soon as he finds out about it. In passing, tell them that the apartment in which you live is registered in the name of your sister, and the car is in the name of your parents, and in fact, you do not have any personal property. Say that you are already a borrower or guarantor for a large loan, and no bank will give you a loan, since the value of the property is much less than the total amount of all loans.

And if a man asks you for money for the treatment of a relative, help him personally, go together to a meeting with a doctor, visit the relative in the hospital - but do not give him cash or a credit card. Now it is possible to transfer money to the account of a specific patient in almost any hospital and indicate for what purpose this money is transferred. You can tell him about your temporary lack of money, difficulties with work, ask for some favor or small financial support. Such a turn of events is in no way included in the plans of the gigolo, and he will quickly take off his mask of politeness and his true face will be revealed to you. Is it worth wasting your life on a person who only loves himself more than money?

If you still decide to give money to a man, despite your possible remorse and moral doubts, it is necessary for him to write a receipt - it is a real document and strong evidence for the police and in court. It is best for it to be written by hand; it must include the date of payment of the debt, the collateral indicated, your passport details and the person taking the loan. It’s good if when writing a receipt there are witnesses who are not your relatives, but even without witnesses, a receipt is a document with which you can safely go to the police and win the trial!

Now we know for sure that gigolo is a real wolf, but in sheep's clothing. All his compliments and care are just a cover, with the help of which he lulls the victim’s vigilance and makes him trust him. But with the advice of our experts, now women will always be armed and can easily uncover the scam!

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Psychology of behavior of gigolos

The Frenchman Alphonse Daudet (1840-1897) became famous as a writer. He didn’t force girls to fall in love with him and didn’t “cheat” them out of money. Alphonse was a decent family man, and his name is the most common in Western Europe.

Therefore, it is not at all surprising that Alexandre Dumas (son) named his main character in the novel Monsieur Alphonse. It is about a scoundrel who has settled well in life and led a completely carefree existence at the expense of girls of “lighter” behavior. Since then, the name Alphonse became a household name, as they began to call all men who were not averse to living for their own pleasure at the expense of their mistresses.

So where do loving men come from, pursuing very specific goals: to seduce the “beloved”, take possession of her savings, and then look for the wind in the field!

The origins of this gigolo behavior must be sought in childhood. A child's character is largely formed in the family. If parents indulged the weaknesses of their child, did not force him to provide all possible help, they say, “there is plenty at home, he will still earn enough,” a spoiled child can grow up infantile, lazy and lack of initiative.

An adult dunce, thinking about his mother, who always protected him from all childhood hardships, will look for someone similar to his mother in relationships with women. She must be successful so that you can comfortably hide behind her “mother’s” back from everyday problems.

And if the young man is also a handsome male, the fair sex is in awe of him, why not turn close female attention to his person to his advantage? So a completely harmless boy, cute in childhood, turns with age into a carnivorous predator - a hunter of the female sex - a gigolo.

Such lady hunters are not uncommon. There is a special breed of men who try to build their lives on relationships with the female sex. The thoughts, feelings, aspirations of these heartthrobs are to find a trusting, wealthy woman, seduce her and, if the occasion is favorable, live with her for the time being.

Work in production for gigolos is hard hard labor, they are not capable of it. It is much easier for them to earn money from their appearance through sex. In addition, it is much safer than engaging in scams, say, with the state. Here you can get a long sentence.

“There will be enough gullible fools for my lifetime,” the gigolo reflects. And he goes to great lengths to “unscrew” a large sum from another amorous simpleton. And when he gets his way, out of sight, out of mind!

A woman in love, when she realizes that she has been deceived, is unlikely to go to the police. Not everyone will turn out her soul in public, tell that she was madly in love and indulged a slacker. Many will simply sigh bitterly and relive what happened in their hearts.

The gigolos count on this and often turn out to be right, and therefore there is no translation for such a rotten race. Their tribe is numerous and lives successfully, parasitizing on the feelings of women in love with them.

It is important to know! Men are not born gigolos; men become this way due to flaws in their upbringing in childhood.

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“I fell in love with gigolo...” Oh, I fell in love so much that now I’m suffering. Although no, I’m no longer suffering, on the contrary, I’m slowly coming to my senses. I used to think that only rich and middle-aged ladies have gigolos. Such pampered boys with languid eyes in front of powerful, well-groomed, overripe ladies. It turned out that they only write it like that in books, so that you can immediately see who is who! But life is completely different. At first glance, and even at the second, you won’t even be able to see or understand who you’ve got in touch with, because gigolos, as a rule, are unusually charming. So my husband (thank God, ex!), while courting, behaved perfectly: he gave flowers, even some gifts, invited me to the movies. True, the expenses are meager, but when you fall in love, do you really pay attention to this? But he spoke the words - you will be heard! The first time the “bell” rang was when we decided to get married - it turned out that he had no money for the wedding, and in general, his salary was tiny, but his prospects were huge. Okay, happiness doesn’t lie in the wedding – I had it postponed, my parents helped, we managed it, we even had a honeymoon. The second “bell” was when they went to buy wedding rings: it turned out that he didn’t have any money with him at the moment, but he would get it soon... I’m talking about “bells” now, but then I didn’t think about anything, I’m in love was. And is this really happiness? You never know what kind of temporary difficulties people have?! Temporary difficulties grew into permanent ones gradually, after the wedding. It turned out that my husband earns so little that he barely has enough for cigarettes, a travel ticket and a modest lunch at work. In response to all my questions, he talked in detail about the machinations of envious people, about the fact that everything was about to get better, because - and here followed long and lengthy stories about the reorganization, prospects, opportunities. And all you have to do is wait! I waited, and while the wait lasted, I found another job, because I wanted to dress my husband up - for some reason he was always short of suits, shirts, or shoes. Time passed, I worked, my husband... also worked, and nothing changed. He even helped me at home, for example, with washing the dishes. After a year of living like this, I lost 11 kilograms, was tired as a draft horse, couldn’t stand it and demanded that he finally find a normal job. For six months he went to interviews: either they didn’t like him, or he didn’t like him, and I suspect that the second was more often, since he was looking exclusively for leadership positions, and was offered to work on his own. I was already losing patience, when suddenly I found a job! It was such a joy, I was already reveling in the pictures of my future happy life. My husband went to work. I blew the dust off him, did everything myself, updated his wardrobe, of course - my husband is the boss! In the evenings he told how his day went. True, the salary he brought was frankly disappointing, but he said something about a probationary period, some error in the calculation. The next time he said that the salary was transferred to a savings book. Then he complained that he didn’t want to upset me - his wallet was stolen. Naturally, all this time we lived on my salary, and I gave him for pocket money, lunches in a cafe (boss, it’s undignified to go with sandwiches), for beer with friends - well, you never know why a man needs pocket money?! That day I got sick, my temperature rose at work, and my boss sent me home, telling me to get well treated. When I suddenly came home in the middle of the workday, my husband was lying on the couch watching TV. When he saw me, he became embarrassed, ran around, and began to say something. I didn’t have the strength to listen to him because I was completely sick. A few days later I still asked questions. He admitted that he hadn’t worked in that place for a long time, that he didn’t work anywhere at all, but he was looking for work, and he just had to wait a little, they promised him a good place. And all these days he left as if he were going to work, took a walk, then returned and left again only before I left, in order to return “tired from work.” The first time I didn't believe him. And for the first time I seriously thought about who lives next to me? I recalled humorous statements among friends: “But I always dreamed of living comfortably! Well, why should I break down when my wife has a good salary?!” This was the beginning of the end. I remembered our whole life from the very beginning and saw that I was used according to all the rules! From the first day! In short, the “cash cow” rebelled and delivered an ultimatum, giving him a period of two months: either he starts working normally and bringing money into the house, providing at least for his own needs, or divorce. I will not describe how these two months passed. Firstly, he did not believe that I was capable of getting a divorce, because he knew from previous similar cases that I was easy to persuade, move, and convince. Yes, and he believed in my love, not realizing that everything could end. And when he realized that I was not joking, he brought down a mountain of reproaches on my head for abandoning him in difficult times, accused him of betrayal and... begged him to give him another six months to “completely remake himself and his life” (as he put it) . But I didn't agree. Now I am a free woman with the full conviction that children who STILL cannot support themselves need help; parents who ALREADY cannot support themselves need help; those who DO something or are trying to do something need help! And supporting an adult, healthy, able-bodied slacker husband is simply shameful! This way you can lose crumbs of self-respect, and he himself is unlikely to love and respect you, laughing at your stupidity and naivety. So don’t think that gigolos are only found among rich ladies and in romance or crime novels. They are among us, and there are more of them than meets the eye. You don’t have to be a very wealthy woman to become a victim of a gigolo. If you have your own apartment and a decent salary, you can easily find yourself under his close attention. And it’s easy to fall into his network, because we women are both naive and compassionate. We are always ready to believe, sympathize with failures, and help in solving problems. Women's kindness and participation are exactly what the gigolo needs to entangle him with words, assure him of love and... sit on his neck, on which, in a successful scenario, he can linger for a long time. Some people manage to sit out their entire lives. So, don’t fall in love with gigolos, have pity on yourself! They definitely won’t regret you! Svetlana Razuvaeva Source

Where do gigolos come from?

And really – where from? In the mythology of ancient peoples, many deities were considered to have male and female powers. In the ancient Greek pantheon, this is the son of Hermes and Aphrodite - Hermaphrodite. In ancient Indian mythology - Aditi is a cow-bull, in ancient Egyptian mythology - Ra, who masters himself. The biblical formula about the creation of man “male and female” is also often interpreted as a statement about the primary integrity, the bisexuality of Adam, from whose body Eve was later created.

It all starts at birth...

However, these are myths, and the real basis for the emergence of the phenomenon of alphonsism should be sought from the moment of birth and in early childhood of a person. Many believe, and this is most likely true, that a child is born with a certain program for further development, which is enshrined in his genetic code. But not only hereditary characteristics determine a person’s behavior in the future. The influence of his parents and the environment in the first months and first years of the baby’s life are no less decisive.

Psychologists are convinced that in early childhood a unique scenario for the child’s further development is laid down, which is called “script programming.” And no matter who programs us in the future - the media, state and public organizations, groups, the program laid down in early childhood determines a lot, although there is nothing fatal in such a program. Even while the mother is feeding the child, the words she uses to address the child have meaning. In the future, the relationship between the child and the mother becomes more complicated, and it depends only on the parents whether the child will become a “prince” or a “frog,” or perhaps an “eternal prince” or a “princess.” Incorrect parental education can shape the future gigolo.

This miseducation can be of two types. If a child was overprotected (overprotection), he comes into independent life capricious, demanding, unable to make independent decisions or take responsibility for his own failures. He never does anything at his own peril and risk; he demands guardianship and care from those around him.

With dominant overprotection, adults suppress any manifestations of the child’s independent activity, all decisions are made for him, his hobbies do not belong to him. In adult life, such people are highly dependent on others, both emotionally and financially.

However, there is another category of men who have become gigolos, the reason for which is society - social gigolos, or unwilling gigolos. Massive job cuts have thrown hundreds of thousands of people onto the streets, most of whom are men. However, not everyone likes to stand at the market, travel to Spain or Portugal, earn a taxi, etc. This is how a layer of men has formed who “temporarily” do not work and live on the money a woman earns at the same market. As you know, there is nothing more permanent than temporary - then inertia sets in and the desire to work disappears altogether. Women themselves play a big role in this, since they support this state of affairs.

Another category of gigolos comes from “social orphans” - boarding school pupils or children whose parents, during the period of personality formation, went abroad to work. Such people simply do not have a psychologically positive family model, they are not trained in constructive family relationships, because they have not seen the correct family model, and this is not in their life experience.

Source

The gigolo man is a real parasite. He will always find something to enjoy, even if it is an original from early Shishkin or a plate of hot borscht. The fact that a woman is not the heiress of a million-dollar fortune and the chairman of an international corporation does not protect her from meeting a gigolo. The vocation of a gigolo man is to receive benefits without making any effort. Depending on the level of harassment, gigolos can be divided into three main subtypes. _____________________ Alphonse is an ideological subspecies that is easily identified among its own kind. A man’s belonging to an ideological gigolo is determined by the ratio of two qualities: attractive appearance and modesty. The appearance of an ideological gigolo is a combination of those features that, in his opinion, women like. As a rule, this is a torso pumped up in the gym, a good tan, highlights of cleverly cut hair and shaved armpits. The face - here the parents have already tried. Charisma, which is so dear to women and allows for a level of intelligence above the average, is not typical for representatives of this subspecies of gigolos. The ideological gigolo lacks modesty: he not only does not hide his financial aspirations, but even hints at them quite transparently. Of course, he may be embarrassed when you give him money for the first time, but only for the sake of keeping traditions. Offer him the keys to a new car - and the appetites of ideological gigolos are growing rapidly - and he doesn’t even hide them. Test for belonging to the subtype: upon request to lend money due to temporary difficulties, he will inform the man that in large banks, lending is interest-free for the first two months. And this is very convenient - because you are now also experiencing a small financial crisis. After this, the ideological gigolo will be saddened and cool his passion towards you. The easiest way to lose such a boyfriend is to stop funding - and he will disappear in an unknown direction at the speed of sound. ________________________ Household Alphonse The most common type, not limited by any special external features. Successfully disguises himself as “the one and only” and “the man of my life.” He easily agrees to live with a girl “in the same house” and here he shows himself in all his beauty: finding himself in the same living space with a household gigolo, the woman is surprised to learn that she has an extraordinary number of “women’s affairs”. Cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, but the household gigolo himself does not take part in calls for a plumber, electrician, locksmith, as in about fifty other items on the list of household chores. However, even the impeccable performance of everything that a household gigolo considers “women’s affairs” does not free a lady from the need to work: his income usually does not cause a woman to have an uncontrolled desire to cook a five-course dinner with one hand (plus compote and dessert), and with the other to iron socks for your beloved. The household gigolo is ready to defend the right of the weaker sex to professional realization with foam in his mouth. The news that one of your friends has chosen the path of a housewife may cause bile to flow. Subspecies test: ask him to take out the trash, hang the curtains and bring five kilograms of potatoes for a family dinner. If, at the twentieth minute of his fiery speech about the role of a woman in the family, you go with a trash can for potatoes, dragging a drill behind you, this is him, a household gigolo. The easiest way to get rid of it: drive, drive and drive again in the neck - accustomed to living on everything ready, this guy will not leave you anywhere of his own free will. ______________________ Alphonse is ambitious The crown of evolution among gigolos - purposeful, determined, cynical, smart, has quite a lot of plans on a Napoleonic scale. Money as such is not a goal for him. He is absolutely sure that he will earn them himself. His interest is social status and useful connections. Often, a dysfunctional childhood is carefully hidden in the past of an ambitious gigolo. Therefore, for the sake of the goal of “never being poor in anything,” he uses any available means, including a full arsenal of seductive maneuvers. At the same time, the ambitious gigolo will seduce not only you, but, mainly, those of your relatives and friends who can directly or indirectly contribute to his career growth. Subspecies test: tell him “in confidence” that you were in a quarrel with your dad, and there is no hope for reconciliation and family reunification in the next ten years. The ambitious gigolo will come up with twenty reasons for reconciliation along the way, and in his calls he will be eloquent and convincing, like Lenin in October 1917. The easiest way to break off a relationship: announce that dad has firmly decided to retire, go to New Zealand (or any other Tmutarakan of your choice) and devote the rest of his life to fishing. And now you can watch how the ambitious gigolo moves away in search of another promising family. _______________________ Results Whether we like it or not, any relationship is an agreement. Agreements can be explicit (I give you status and money, and you give me a young body), implicit (I love you so much, I so want to devote my life to you, but only after the registry office), honest (I work, and you look after the children, and you create conditions for me to relax after work, we have one career for both of us) and dishonest (I will marry you, but all the housework is on you, and the earnings too). An agreement may be accompanied by fiery passions, or simply by mutual sympathy. But this does not change the essence of the agreement. Progressive equality of the sexes has led to the fact that, in addition to the institution of dependents, the institution of dependents also appeared. There is nothing wrong with this, provided that such a relationship suits both parties. In any case, you should adhere to one simple principle: “negotiate on the shore.” Attempts to indirectly identify a potential “parasite” are pointless: shaved armpits are a common hygienic skill that correlates with life position no more than a curvy body that does not know the solarium and the gym. It is even more unwise to conduct tests involving taking out the trash while living together - this is a slightly belated way of getting to know your chosen one. There is only one way not to buy a pig in a poke: untie the bag and talk to the cat. © Author: kosolapiy specially for LadyDiary.ru

Series of messages “4.
For Women": Part 1 - Women's happiness Part 2 - a real woman.. ... Part 24 - All partings always lead to new meetings. Part 25 - What interesting question can you ask a man, a guy? Interesting questions with answers. Part 26 - “I fell in love with a gigolo...” + Where do gigolos come from? + Identification of gigolo men Part 27 - Unreliable rear or men whom you absolutely cannot marry. Part 28 - Why some women are not married. The truth from a psychologist... Part 48 - What happened to the girls in Russia? Part 49 - Film “March 8” Women and alcohol are scary Part 50 - So that the first date does not become the last...

The man is a whiner.

In a difficult situation, when you need to mobilize and look for ways to solve the problem with a cool head, such a man falls into a stupor, panics or begins to become hysterical. At the same time, he does not necessarily yell or shed tears, he is simply confused, weak and inactive. He will also be tragic and inconsolable and will demonstrate this with all his appearance and complaints. But you will feel it even without words. How?

It’s very simple - you will want to console him and feel sorry for him, and he will willingly accept this pity, especially if you say that he has nothing to do with it at all, and those bad people over there are to blame. And offer to try to sort everything out yourself.

This type can also simply disappear, leaving you alone with trouble, or physically remain nearby, but only as an observer. A typical and, unfortunately, quite common example of such a situation is an illness, yours or your child’s. Finding yourself in a completely helpless and vulnerable state, you suddenly find that you cannot rely on your partner!

You will grit your teeth and overcome everything, because you will have no choice, and there will be no time to shed tears either. And when the situation is resolved, you will try to figure out how this happened.

Surely there have been bells before, albeit very quiet, fuzzy ones, to which you did not attach any importance. He turned pale, began to stutter and sweat when the traffic policeman stopped you? And then he whined for the rest of the evening, hopelessly ruining your mood? Did he throw a tantrum and almost give an elderly cashier a heart attack when he was accidentally shortchanged at the store? He didn’t put in his place the guy who was rude to you on the subway, even though he was nearby?

If you have chosen an irresponsible, weak man, either run away or accept the fact that you will have to make all decisions yourself. And you also bear responsibility for them. You will have to get out of all difficult situations on your own, this is at best; at worst, your companion will criticize your decisions and actions, grumble and demotivate you in every possible way.

Alphonse man.

You will spend your money on it, the key word is “YOUR.” It's unavoidable! At the very beginning or in the midst of a relationship, it doesn’t matter; it all depends on his experience and strategy, but sooner or later, you will definitely start lending him money or even supporting him! Will he ask for a loan directly (he is not going to repay the debt) or will he beat around the bush, talking about his financial difficulties... By the way, you may even think that helping a man with money is solely your desire! Congratulations, you have found a professional gigolo and a skilled manipulator.

What to do and how to behave if you feel that a man is not averse to using you as a wallet?

Refuse! Do not give either 100 rubles or 100 dollars. An adult, legally competent, sexually mature man cannot take money from a woman. Even in debt. Even for a day. And don’t expect that by supporting him financially, you will win his trust. He will only become even more sophisticated in extracting money from you. And yes, your relationship will last only as long as you pay for his attention to you. If you are comfortable with this format, this is your choice. Such people never have enough, and they are never ashamed. When you come to your senses and refuse him for the first time, you will learn a lot about yourself, your self-interest and your greed. So don’t tempt fate - learn from other people’s mistakes and refuse right away!

How to recognize a marriage swindler, gigolo?

When meeting him, he introduces himself as a person who is engaged in a professional field associated with a certain mystery. This could be an intelligence officer, a lawyer, an employee of a serious government agency, a sea captain, etc.
Never introduces the victim to relatives and friends.
Doesn't like to be photographed or does everything to make himself look different from himself in the photo.
At the beginning of the relationship, he asks leading questions about your financial situation.
He is trying in every possible way to move into your house.
I regularly start to forget my wallet. Thus, finding out information about whether you are willing to pay for it.

What is a gigolo?

Or maybe it's not so scary after all? Who is gigolo? According to established stereotypes, this is a man who lives at the expense of his beloved. Is it really?

According to psychologists, this type of man includes sons who were disliked in childhood and who did not receive enough attention and care from their mothers. They are unable to make independent decisions, take responsibility for making decisions, for the people close to them.

The first signs of characteristic behavior appear from an early age:

borrowing money without repayment;
line of behavior in the manner of “everyone owes me”;
selfishness;
financial insolvency;
Constant excuses like “I forgot my wallet”, “no cash”, “card has expired”, etc.

According to the explanatory dictionary, ed. Ushakova, gigolo is a man who receives payment, maintenance from a woman for sexual intercourse with her.

Sometimes guys are forced to acquire a similar status, but more often than not, this is a type of professional dependency based on the use of a woman’s resources (strength, energy, material well-being).

Such relationships pose a danger to representatives of the fair half of humanity. This is due to the fact that, often, the motive for a lover’s actions is hidden, and a woman understands the deplorability of the situation only when she is left with nothing and a broken heart.

How to recognize a gigolo man on a dating site or in real life?

Dating sites are the favorite “habitat” of gigolos. Here, selfish men can take a closer look at their chosen one and find out whether it is worth spending time on her. Moreover, a man will not need money at all for a date online.

How can a woman recognize a gigolo on a dating site? Just pay attention to what the groom writes:

He willingly sends his photos. You will see your chosen one “in all his glory”: there will be portraits and full-length photos taken at professional photo shoots.
The appearance and figure of the man in the photographs is impeccable.
When corresponding, the man does not make spelling or punctuation errors and constructs sentences correctly.
There is no hint of vulgarity or rudeness in communication. Alphonse showers his chosen one with compliments, admires her beauty, and is interested in the details of her life.
He admits that he dreams of meeting true love, but so far he has had no luck.
He will tell very little about himself.
If a woman admits that she needs money, she stops communicating with her.

Internet gigolos have several options in development at the same time. They send the women identical poems and cards. They also swear eternal love to several ladies at once.

How to recognize a gigolo man on a dating site?
In real life, gigolo behaves the same way as he does online. All his actions are aimed at charming a woman and making her fall in love with him. Alphonse says compliments and tender words, looks into the eyes, sighs sadly. At the same time, he is in no hurry to give gifts to his chosen one. He talks little and reluctantly about himself.

He forgets money at home or loses it, and his salary is delayed. A woman often has to pay for her boyfriend in restaurants and shops. Soon he starts talking about problems with his business (which, by the way, does not exist) or other incredible difficulties.

How to recognize a gigolo man in life?

How to protect yourself from gigolo?

In order to protect yourself, you need to find out the intentions of your loved one, understand what kind of person he is. The victims of seducers are women who blindly trust them, are afraid of losing, etc. To understand who is nearby, you can do the following:

find out as much information as possible about the person, his family, friends, work, study, etc.;
conclude a marriage contract in the event of an upcoming marriage;
stop financially supporting the man;
ask for a loan to solve family problems;
do not lend money, do not register in your apartment, do not register the purchase of a car, etc.

In order not to please a swindler online, you need to listen carefully to your interlocutor, evaluate the questions he asks, how carefully he is interested in his financial well-being and social status. Does he ask out of simple curiosity or does he ask clarifying questions to better understand the situation? Any specific and meticulous questions during the first conversation should raise red flags. Expert advice is not to tell a man about your money savings, bank accounts, apartments, cars. Sometimes it is better to play the role of a woman burdened with problems in order to evaluate the candidate's responses to the relationship.