When change is necessary
Do you feel that joy is gradually leaving your life and anxiety is growing, that your daily activities do not bring pleasure at all, but only take energy? This is a signal that you are living wrong. If at this stage you do not turn off the beaten path, it will lead you into the jungle of deep depression, from which it will be very difficult to get out.
Sometimes life decides for us and literally forces us to start over from scratch. This happens after the death of a very close person, loss of valuable property, divorce, loss of a job. In such situations, we have no choice but to gather our strength and build our lives from scratch. Unfortunately, not everyone has the strength to cope with severe shocks; some people “break down”. Therefore, it is better not to wait for serious problems and start changing your life for the better today.
If you are not satisfied with your life, but you just can’t decide to change, I advise you to read Brian Tracy’s book “Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. Change your life".
What you need to know before starting a new life
I bet this is not your first attempt to start living again. Surely you, like most people, have at least once promised yourself to radically change and start a new life, leaving no place in it for past bad habits, vices, and shortcomings. Next Monday, the first day of the new year, the beginning of vacation, etc. could be taken as the hypothetical beginning of this very “new” life.
On the “X” day, you honestly tried to carry out your plan, but something went wrong - either the alarm clock didn’t ring and you overslept while jogging, or your neighbor treacherously lured you with a delicious cake and you had to postpone your diet, or the TV hypnotized you and chained you to the sofa. , without giving me the opportunity to calmly study English. And now a new life, where you are beautiful, smart and successful, is postponed indefinitely.
Remember, a new life is not a fortress that needs to be taken by storm. You should not try to radically change yourself and your life in one fell swoop. So many people make this unfortunate mistake and suffer failure after failure. There are more and more missed Mondays, and less and less motivation to change.
Although it seems that you did everything right: you bought a gym membership, signed up for Spanish courses, stocked up on healthy food, threw away cigarettes - and all this on the first day of your new life. But for some reason he looked like he was at an open day in hell. You were unpleasant and uncomfortable, you were tired and at the same time you didn’t have time to do anything. After such a demo version of the new life, the old one will not seem so bad.
Why did this happen? The thing is that our brain is a complex dynamic system that always strives for balance with the environment. Over the years, habits and patterns of behavior that have been practiced take root and become fixed in the form of neural circuits. A neural circuit is a path along which an electrical impulse travels quickly and easily, expending a minimal amount of energy.
When you're trying to make a quantum leap from your usual dull and joyless life into a bright, productive future, it's difficult for your brain to rewire itself right away. New neural circuits have not yet formed, and old ones have not disintegrated. Impulses pass very slowly, wandering in the labyrinths of unfamiliar cells, and a large amount of energy is spent on their transmission. Therefore, you may feel empty and overwhelmed.
In order for the process of change to proceed easily and smoothly, you need to gradually rebuild your brain, forming new neural circuits. This is done by consolidating new habits, repeatedly repeating useful actions and abandoning harmful ones.
For clarity, watch this video.
How to completely change yourself in 12 months and become better than you are
At one fine moment in my life, I realized that something was missing in me: you seem to be living, but something is wrong and wrong. I looked at myself from the outside and in the mirror, went through one strong training on my own, read a couple of educational books. I made disappointing conclusions that I have a bunch of bad habits, I devote almost no time to my health, I am not popular with girls, my level of disorganization is off the charts, and in addition, I often avoid solving complex life problems.
After realizing this fact, something in me switched and pulled me forward: of course, not immediately, but movement began towards the goal - to become better than I am. I took this feeling and worked on myself for 12 months. Now I can say with confidence that the algorithm below works, and I would like to share it with Lifehacker readers.
It doesn't matter how many days are in your life, what matters is how much life is in your days!
Sport
It all starts with sports and its implementation in your life. We start with basic exercises, but you need to do them every day. These are simple exercises: squats, abdominal presses (lifting the body), push-ups. It all starts with repetition 5 times and increases by 1 time every day; you can do two repetitions a day. In a month, you will be doing 35 squats, 35 abdominal exercises, and 35 push-ups. Then you can increase the number of repetitions as needed, but be sure to do it every day.
Every person needs to find his own sport, and you shouldn’t follow fashion: everyone runs, that means running, everyone does yoga, that means yoga. Look for a sport that suits you completely: loads, interest, time, financial component, people. It should become an extension of your essence.
Over the course of a year, I tried yoga, the gym, boxing, running, swimming, jiu-jitsu, aikido, and cycling. At the same time, I practiced several types for several months. It was a great time, because it was definitely beneficial for my health, and I also understood more and more what exactly I wanted from sports.
My choice fell on jiu-jitsu and swimming - this is the basis of my sports development. Now this has been for the rest of my life, since the pleasure I get in my classes is difficult to express in words, and my success in this field only reinforces this conviction.
Books
You will have to read and read a lot. An excellent result is 40–50 books per year. I read 42 books and understand that 50 books a year is realistic. The main thing is to read without stopping. And, of course, don’t watch TV and don’t spend too much time on social networks.
Read only to develop your mind: psychology, Russian and foreign classics, self-development, finance - no pulp or entertaining books.
Take notes on the gist of what you read, what impressed you or didn’t like in the book, memorize the quotes. This way you train your memory and can always surprise your interlocutors with clever sayings from books.
Ayn Rand’s book “Atlas Shrugged” greatly influenced me with its fundamentality and strong dialogues, as well as situations similar to events from my life.
My morality, the morality of reason, is contained in one axiom: reality exists in one choice - to live. Everything else flows from here. To live, a person must consider three things to be the highest and decisive values: Reason, Purpose, Self-Respect. Reason as the only instrument of knowledge, Purpose as the choice of happiness, which this instrument must achieve, Self-respect as the indestructible confidence that he is able to think and his personality is worthy of happiness, which means worthy of life. These three values require all the virtues of man, and all his virtues are related to the relationship of existence and consciousness: rationality, independence, purity, honesty, justice, efficiency, pride.
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Discipline
What distinguishes a strong personality from an ordinary person is discipline. Regardless of your mood, motivation, external circumstances, family relationships, do what is necessary at a given moment in time.
Learn to swim against the tide of life circumstances, educate yourself so that your internal state does not depend on what is happening around you. It was very difficult and everything did not work out right away, as there were breakdowns. But again and again I moved forward with the support of loved ones and the inner desire to go through this path at all costs.
Where can I start? From the morning ritual. Here is the simplest and most effective method for honing discipline: when the alarm clock rings, get up immediately, wash your face, turn on music, do exercises with strength exercises, then a contrast shower, a healthy breakfast (without fried or sweet foods) and reading a book (you can do it on the way to the office) .
You need to do this until you can do it automatically and without forcing yourself. It took me 3 months, sometimes, of course, there were failures, especially after overloaded days. I recommend that anyone who wants to change their lifestyle develop their own morning ritual.
We must learn to control ourselves: our speech, gait, gaze and gestures. Wherever you are, at home, at work, at the gym, you should exude confidence and act without unnecessary fuss. Remember the principle of feedback: even if you don’t feel that way, this feeling of confidence and discipline will come.
A very useful exercise for developing inner strength - despite all your natural fears, do not take your eyes off your interlocutor, from passing people who look into your eyes. I won’t lie, martial arts classes helped me with this. But it’s also good to look with a warm gaze, showing that you are friendly.
To educate myself, I learned to deny myself pleasures: bars, alcohol, sweets, cigarettes, impulse purchases, idleness, empty conversations at work. This may not happen right away, but you need to think about it all the time, work in this direction. And one day I said to myself: “Yes, I haven’t drunk alcohol for three months and haven’t eaten sweets for two months.”
I attended sports classes or courses despite my mood, circumstances, weather and my motivation. I made a schedule and followed it, throwing away all my favorite excuses. I liked coming to the gym when others were stopped by something and when there were like-minded people who were ready to support me in these endeavors.
And most importantly, you need to learn to control yourself when little is happening and there is chaos all around. Be an island of calm and cool endurance.
Finance
Keep a financial journal. Keep it going for a month, two, three and don’t stop. And don’t just manage it, but analyze every month what goes where, why and how to fix it.
I had a lot of expenses on coffee - 1,300 rubles a month. I realized that it was time to reduce the amount, and now the level of spending on coffee is 600 rubles per month. Coffee is my weakness that I don’t want to get rid of.
Many people say that a magazine is a useless thing: “I already know how much I spend and earn.” And you try to keep it for 1 year with accurate analysis and charts and you will see the whole picture of your financial literacy or illiteracy.
Keep yourself in financial asceticism, stop buying what you don’t need or what is imposed by advertising and friends. Most of our purchases are useless and will not be useful in life, and we can quite easily do without them.
Find additional income, even if it is small, but it will motivate you to even greater achievements. Let it be an increased workload, additional work (of any format), freelancing, selling unnecessary things, training other people. The mistake of the majority is that everyone wants a lot of money in the initial stages, but that doesn’t happen. You don’t earn a lot at work right away, so everything in life is gradual.
Relationship
This point applies more to men who have not found their soul mate or do not even want it, which is what I was. If you are alone and have a lot of time, develop the skill of meeting girls. Register on dating sites, meet people in cafes and on the street, chat in the gym, ask friends about girls you know.
Try different communication strategies: gentleman, macho, shy, sporty guy. Meet girls smarter than you, admit it, win them over.
In various situations, not everything will work out: the wrong words, the wrong method, the wrong person, failures in bed. But don’t stop, this should strengthen you.
And over time, you will learn to understand the opposite sex, learn to easily start a conversation, and make beautiful compliments. Girls will often reciprocate and feel that you are an interesting personality. But don’t be self-confident, look for someone who will appreciate your qualities “without cuts”, and be devoted and faithful to her.
To put it simply - love, suffer, conquer, break up and start over. Become someone you want to spend time with, with whom you will be comfortable in any situation, be able to understand and listen to the other person. And remember that your significant other can always leave you, so enjoy every moment together.
Skills
Start developing skills you didn't have before: for example, breaststroke, speed typing, context planning, defensive driving. Master them, find a mentor on the topic, get training. Such achievements develop a personality and make it multifaceted.
You will also learn to intentionally step out of your comfort zone and overcome fear, which will later become your driving force. All great achievements begin with small victories over yourself.
Over the past 12 months, I have done things that I have never done before: heavy strength training, meditation, training with children, conducting trainings, asceticism.
Spirituality
Determine your values in life, create internal and social rules for yourself, find your “I”.
Finally, find the answer to the eternal question: “Why am I here? What is my mission?
How? Ask yourself important questions, don’t look at other people who are drifting like a boat on the ocean, become a guide for both yourself and others. Read spiritual books, visit spiritual places and, finally, create your own picture of the world order. This is very important, so you will become unshakable and you will have your own faith. Not the one that is shown in the media, but precisely the inner one.
Most people are afraid to ask themselves difficult questions and close themselves off with materialism, like I did in my time, but this is a dead-end branch of development. You can’t close yourself off with things and the bustle of everyday life; they won’t give you the happiness that you will feel when you find something important inside that will lead you further.
Useful habits
As you break bad habits and make structural changes, you will need other habits—and they better be good ones.
For example, if you talk a lot, learn to be silent and listen to your interlocutor, even when your tongue is itching - remain silent.
If you eat a lot of sweets, replace them with nuts or dried fruits, do not eat so much chocolate and cookies, and drink sweet tea.
Books are a great way to save yourself from TV and Internet addiction. The brain just doesn’t want to “liquefy” anymore.
If you don’t have anything planned and everything happens just like that, keep a notebook and write down all your tasks for the day, week, month. Write down the thoughts that come to you, fresh ideas, describe events and people. Keep records and analysis of your life.
If you smoke, quit and immediately get into a sport, preferably one where your lungs work the hardest to get all the tar out of you.
Algorithm for structural self-change in 12 months
- Sports activity every day. Decide on your sport for a long time, do it, no matter what, for a whole year.
- Read a lot of books, 3–4 per month. Write down a summary of what you read.
- Develop discipline. Deny yourself pleasures. Stay calm when things are stormy. Try to deny yourself something every month.
- Develop financial literacy. Keep a financial journal and find extra income throughout the year.
- If you are single, look for your soul mate and develop the skill of seduction. If you are no longer alone, fall in love again with your chosen one.
- Learn new skills you didn't know before. Preferably - 1 skill in 2 months.
- Find the answer to what you are here for, even an approximate one - it will be good. Spend as much time on this as you think is necessary.
- Get good habits instead of bad ones. This is everyday work.
Victory over yourself is true success in life.
Change is difficult, but possible. The main thing is to want to set yourself interesting (and not so interesting) goals and achieve them, no matter what. Everything will not work out right away, there will be misfires and breakdowns, but the vector of movement must be maintained, and you will definitely break through the barrier of your weakness.
If you think that this requires motivation or money, you are mistaken: you only need one pure desire to become better than you are, and time, which is already so little in our lives. But remember, there is no limit to perfection, this is constant work on yourself, and it continues until the end of your days. A developed personality lives much happier than those who are weak in front of themselves and retreat before life’s circumstances.
Useful materials for those who want to start a new life
I want to recommend you five excellent courses that will help you start your life over - find a goal, develop a plan to achieve it, motivate yourself, develop new skills and abilities, and reach new heights. And get extraordinary pleasure from life.
Goal setting
Description. You should definitely start with this course. The teacher will tell you how to understand what you really want from this life, what kind of person you want to be, what activity will give you the greatest joy.
Then, in subsequent lessons, you will learn the intricacies of planning, assessing your capabilities, gain time management skills, and master the rules of self-motivation.
Having found a new and powerful purpose in life, you will look at your entire past differently. You will take some things into account, and you will simply forget others so that you never remember them.
The course is cheap, you can start studying it right now.
Authors: developers of the Vikium project.
Cost: 990 rub.
Find out more and sign up for training
Brain fitness
Description. This course is very expensive, but it will help you become a completely different person. When you buy the program, Vikium mails you a small device called a “neural interface” - look at the guy's head in the picture, he's using it.
The neurointerface is needed so that you can better understand yourself and the peculiarities of your perception of the world. The device will analyze the work of your brain in a variety of periods: when you come home from work exhausted, when you are nervous, anxious, thinking about your past, and so on. The results of the analysis will be uploaded to the Vikium platform, and in response it will issue recommendations.
In the “Brain Fitness” course, you will get rid of all the negativity that interferes with your life, and also develop your thinking abilities: you will be able to easily focus on complex tasks, think, and remember information.
Authors: developers of the Vikium project.
Cost: 12,990 rub.
Find out more and sign up for training
Brain Detoxification
Description. Brain detoxification will help you quickly and easily get rid of all those thoughts that are poisoning your life. They can be very different: fear, anger and irritation, regret about the past, various depressive feelings, etc.
The course is small, there are only 10 lessons, but there are a lot of practical exercises. The teacher will also recommend specific free Vikium simulators that you will need to practice regularly.
Author: Victor Shiryaev.
Cost : 1,490 rub.
Find out more and sign up for training
Effective Communication
Description. Without communication skills, it will be difficult for you. If you want to start over, build happy relationships with your loved ones, friends, work colleagues, you need to learn to communicate.
In the course you will find 33 in-depth lectures on the rules of communication and 26 extensive exercises for practice. This all lasts exactly one month, the format of the classes is webinars with teachers.
After training, you will be able to influence others, easily solve problems that involve people around you, no matter what their age or social status. It will be much easier for you to establish contacts and move up the career ladder.
Authors: developers of the Vikium project.
Cost: 1,490 rub.
Find out more and sign up for training
Option 1: Choose your priorities
What are your true aspirations at this time? It's not so easy to understand. There are many ways to “deal with yourself.” We offer a simple quick test that will help you decide what is your priority right now and what you should devote time to.
Set a timer for 10-15 minutes and, without hesitation, answer the following questions in writing :
- What do you want and/or what are you striving for? Why is this important to you? Don’t force yourself to have some global goals or objectives if they don’t exist. Write it as it is. For example, “I don’t want anything right now, I’m striving for peace because I’m tired.”
- How can this be achieved? Here you should write down the three simplest concrete steps that will satisfy your desire. In the case of our example, think about what would bring you peace? Perhaps it's a massage, a trip to nature, one day alone with yourself, a book or an interesting TV series.
- What can stop you from realizing your plans? Write down how you will deal with it. Give the child to the care of his grandmother, turn off the phone for a while, take a day off from work.
- What happens when your goal is achieved? Decide on at least three measurable criteria. In the case of rest, for example, you will be able to get rid of bags under your eyes and improve your complexion, finish some important task that you previously did not have the strength to do, and you will be able to spend more active time with your child.
This mini-test can become a kind of compass that will help you determine the vector of your life in a specific time period. At some point, rest will be important for you, and a little later, hobbies, work, emotional state will come to the fore... This way you will always invest in your life profitably and get results.
