Respect your husband
Men thrive on respect. Perhaps this is not noticeable from the outside. But in fact, this is true. Representatives of the stronger sex fade if they see that their chosen ones do not believe in them.
Respect works wonders. It will improve your relationship with your husband, strengthen your marriage and fill it with new colors. You will become closer. Tell your spouse that you appreciate his work and his efforts around the house. Don't grumble, try to avoid sharp moments, don't act like his mother. Treating a man like a child is disrespectful. Finally, don't embarrass him publicly by telling stories that mock his dignity. Respect your husband whom you have chosen as your life partner.
How to learn to respect your husband?
Hello! Thank you for the opportunity to write my question. I will try to formulate it briefly. I'll start with some background.
My husband and I got married very early, we were 18 years old, 2nd year students. We fell in love, got married (he proposed), and it seemed like we were perfect for each other. Of course, at first we were very dependent on the help of our parents, since we could not work full time, studying at a serious university took a lot of time. My parents, however, were not against our marriage, they helped with money until we finished our studies, and they still help a little. We lived in a student family dormitory, since both of us are not Muscovites.
And problems in family life began very soon. My husband had problems with alcohol - at friendly “get-togethers” he drank to excess, he could get drunk to the point of unconsciousness, I suffered greatly from this, since my dad drank himself to death in front of me, it was my phobia, becoming the wife of an alcoholic. Now my husband doesn’t drink at all, but only because he had an accident while drunk and broke his spine. He recovered and did not lose his ability to work, but apparently he was very scared and stopped drinking. We also had disagreements about the work from the very beginning. I tried to work as hard as I could, to the detriment of my studies (but in the end I graduated with honors), but for me it was very important to have my own money and gain this valuable experience... He believed that while he was studying, he should work he didn’t need it, but his parents’ money was enough for him. His parents supported him in this and were against work. During our 4th year, our daughter was born. Then my husband got a job as a laboratory assistant, the money was pitiful, but I was glad and very grateful to him for this. When he graduated from university, he very quickly found a job in his specialty, and is now working.
But we had those disagreements for more than one year, and a lot of nerves were spoiled. I became rude, hysterical, clinging to him constantly, being rude. But there were also a lot of good things. Lots of common interests. The same views on life. We always had fun together. In general, my husband is a very cheerful, easy-going person.
Here I want to tell you a little more about my husband. He is a very gentle person (unlike his parents, who are tough, even a little authoritarian). He is polite, caring, sensitive, kind. He notices when I'm even slightly upset. She will always offer help, a cup of tea, if I am sick - she looks after me like the most caring nanny. He always helped and still helps with household chores. A very caring father, he carried his daughter in a sling while I was going to school, fed me my expressed milk, rocked her on a fitball, now she is 2 years old, and plays with her in every free minute. There are few such fathers.
But! There is a downside to all this. It's too soft. He cannot defend his interests and does not want to defend them. If you are rude to him, he makes excuses and apologizes. Moreover, even if you just calmly tell him, say, “Oh, could you please put the cup in the sink next time?” - He immediately begins to apologize and make excuses, as if he poured this cup on my head. And he’s like that with almost everyone, not just me.
And here's the result. Now he works, I’m currently staying at home with my daughter, and soon I’ll also start working part-time. We live in an apartment that my husband’s parents bought for us. The owner is the husband. What's bothering me? I don't respect my husband. That is, on a rational level, I understand that there is something to respect him for! He has a useful and important job, and he does it well. He is very clever. He's a wonderful father. He feeds us all, after all! I am grateful to him for this, it is worthy of respect. But I don't feel that respect. It is very difficult to respect a person who is literally afraid of you. These are his constant apologies, justifications (I call it “wagging his tail”), when I see this, I involuntarily want to “give him a kick” (morally). Often I can’t restrain myself, and I do this, attacking him with groundless claims about trifles, and then I’m disgusted with myself.
And another aspect is that 90 percent of decisions are made by me. Where to go on vacation, what to buy for the child, whether to take him to the doctor, how to do repairs, and a thousand other little things. He just doesn't care. He either eliminates himself, or if he is left alone with the problem, he uses any means to extract this solution from me, even if I don’t care either. He calls me, takes me away from my work, and asks. If I ask him, most often he says that he doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter. If I “remove myself,” then the problem most likely simply will not be solved. That is, we will not go on vacation. Repairs will take 10 years to complete. And so on. Of course, this is not always the case, but most often it is.
I talked to him about all this, asked him to work on himself, he agreed with everything, but things are still there... He continues in the same spirit. And I'm good too. This is how we live - I yap, he whines. What do I want? I understand that you can’t make a cat out of a dog, and you can’t make a square out of a circle. But I want to learn to at least treat my husband with respect. He is dear to me. He is a good man. We have a lot in common. I don't want to lose him. I guess I love him, if love without respect is even possible. How to stop being an angry dog? I also want to stop making all the decisions for the whole family. I don’t expect my husband to become the “head of the family” (although I would really like to, to be honest!). But this matriarchy got me. I want at least just normal, equal, partnership relations.
Thank you! I will be waiting for your answers.
How to learn to respect your husband? (4 answers)
Earn Trust
Trust is a very delicate thing. But despite this, without him it is impossible to build any relationships, especially family ones. You need to trust your partner as you trust yourself.
The key to building trust is simple. Keep your promises, don't lie about your location, be honest with your partner. Don't say you're going to buy bread if you're going to the mall to buy jeans. And if they said that they went to buy a bakery product, go to the nearest stall and strictly follow the intended route. Trust is built from little things. It is enough to lie or let your chosen one down once to lose trust.
Trust your husband
The flip side of trust is the manifestation of mistrust. When you express mistrust, you destroy the foundation of your marriage. Demonstrating trust is easy. Don't check your partner's phone for suspicious SMS or calls, or try to find anything unusual in your browser browsing history. Don't control your spouse when he leaves home to spend some time with his friends: play video games, golf or poker. You need to be happy that your husband has friends who will support him in difficult times, and not judge him for leaving home, leaving you alone or with a child.
For your chosen one, trust is important. If he sees that you doubt him, it can destroy the connection between you and drive you further apart. Trust your chosen one, and you can become an ideal wife.
The star of the series “Sultan of My Heart” spoke about the choice of his future wife
Seven daily habits of happy people
25 children of a childless man: an extraordinary reunion
Wise advice for women. What to do to make a man love you and be a strong shoulder for you
- Stop finding fault with him, making claims, seeing shortcomings in him.
- Learn to respect the man with whom you decide to connect your life.
- Let him manage, decide important moments in your life and the life of your family. Let the man be in charge, especially since he likes it. Married means “to a husband.” A woman with a strong husband will always allow him to deal with life's dragons and stand behind him.
- Appreciate the man who is next to you as the best in life, as the most worthy for you.
- Become weak for him; to become for him, first of all, a woman: attractive, sexy, desirable.
Our useful advice for women and men is for everyone in the couple to read, first of all, their rules and get carried away with their implementation. It is important that each partner does not try to control the other in the correctness and completeness of execution. It is important that both begin to follow all these rules.
I am sure that if everyone in a couple takes care of themselves, their development, and fulfilling their rules and responsibilities, the relationship will become ideal. In the relationship between a man and a woman, it is important that everyone takes his place, given to him by God.
And life will definitely get better.
Systemic constellations according to Hellinger will help you understand relationships with the opposite sex, understand and correct your mistakes.
We invite you to purchase the video course “Labyrinths of Fate.” It will help you build your life correctly and fully, become a strong, harmonious person and realize your true desires.
Communicate
Having secrets means that you don't trust your partner or don't trust them at all. Perhaps the reason for the appearance of secrets is embarrassment or fear of telling some shameful things, in your opinion. The only way out in such a situation is to tell everything. If a person really loves you, he will not make fun of you, but will show respect and understanding and help solve the problems that arise.
Enjoy pleasant silence
According to statistics, representatives of the fair sex pronounce about twenty thousand words a day, while the stronger half of humanity “speaks” only seven thousand. What could this mean? The whole point is that men need silence. It is vital for them to rest a little in complete peace alone with themselves.
To satisfy your communication needs and not be deprived, maintain friendships with women who you can trust with your everyday stories about everyday life and family problems. Although it’s probably better not to share the latter. Give your man a rest. After some time, full of strength, he will be ready to listen to you and carry on the conversation.
From athletes to Hollywood stars: men Naomi Campbell
“Olga” from the series of the same name: the tragic fate of actress Yana Troyanova
When toothpaste is harmful to children: permissible age doses
GuruTest
A strong and powerful core gives men the desire to live. Representatives of the fair sex also need it, so it is necessary to behave in such a way as not to lose the respect of others. Start by learning the seven life rules of women who know their worth.
First step: stop blaming others for everything
“My man is irresponsible,” “my companion is rude,” “he constantly cheats on me,” “he doesn’t respect me.” Look at it from the other side - from yours. It is possible that the man thinks that his behavior is absolutely normal. It's time to change this.
This is why it is important to show your partner, husband or partner that you will not tolerate negative attitudes towards yourself. If you want to be respected, then this is how it will be. A woman's behavior determines a man's behavior towards her.
Set boundaries
This is very important to do from the very beginning of the relationship . It is necessary to show the satellite where the boundaries are, beyond which it is strictly forbidden to go. These boundaries can be completely different, but they must be at least minimal.
It is necessary to show the man that you will not tolerate insults, betrayal, selfishness, or restrictions on freedom . All these are basic indicators of a lady’s self-esteem. If this is not the case, then there is a high probability that the man will not treat you with respect. This is how you can end up in an extremely toxic relationship with a tyrant and a jealous person.
By building norms and boundaries that cannot be violated, you will create ideal conditions for filtering the people around you . Only the best will stay nearby. People will have to change to join your inner circle or become your soulmate.
Be adamant
So you told the man you love that you will not tolerate a negative attitude towards yourself or criticism in front of your friends. He said that he understood you, and such a mistake will not happen again.
A couple of months later he does it again. It is important not to repeat the same words, not to make empty threats, but to put them into practice. It must be either leaving or something else. He can threaten, press for pity, but you cannot forgive him for what you have already forgiven once. A self-respecting man will make the right decision the first time.
If a man wants your love, then he will definitely change . He will stop drinking, go to work, start taking care of himself, and so on. Your inflexibility will force him to either leave or begin to respect you and take into account your simple and not exorbitant demands. Men will not exploit you, insult you, or cheat you out of money.
If you are humiliated by your companion, then you need to leave him. You can't be afraid to search for something better and more worthwhile. This is not selfishness, but banal self-respect, which generates the respect of others for you.
Tolerance is not love, it is not the norm . Mockery and disrespect from a man is a complete nightmare in which, unfortunately, many women live. If you don’t want your life to be like complete hell, then you need to respect yourself as an individual.
You need to take it and think about what is most important to you. Determine your personal core, which will be indestructible. Take an example from men. Get a little stronger, a little tougher. They don’t allow themselves to be humiliated, so don’t let them do the same.
If you like to work and earn money, do not bend to the influence of others, changing your life and foundations. Continue to improve in the direction that is closest to you - be a mother, a businesswoman, a creative free person, whatever. First you need to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. This will be a great first step towards a new life.
Our Yandex.Zen channel always has the most interesting articles on this topic. Be sure to subscribe!
April 15 00:52
Be grateful
Be grateful for your husband. Be grateful for your home. Be grateful for your job, children and close relatives. Women who want more reproach their partner for failure, thereby undermining not only their relationship, but also destroying a bright feeling - love. Show your husband gratitude and you will become a better wife in your husband's eyes.
How does self-esteem affect relationships with men?
Just imagine what a woman with low self-esteem thinks about? There is no love in her “adult” world, there are a lot of unanswered questions in her head, and she doesn’t know what to do. “Why don’t men look after me?”, “Why has my husband/boyfriend stopped being attentive?”, “Why do men treat me badly?” She lives, suffers from this and does not even realize that the answer to all her questions is very simple: “A man cannot treat you better than you treat yourself.”
Let's think further: how a woman with low self-esteem begins to behave in an attempt to change her life. What is she thinking? “Now I’ll tell him that I need his attention, and the man will give it to me.” And she begins to demand that her partner recognize her value, but for some reason it doesn’t work. The man does not begin to appreciate her more.
And then she chooses a different strategy: “I will try, I will prove to him that I am worthy of his love and attention. I will become the best wife, and they will love me.” But this does not make a woman happy, because she forces herself to become better. She is trying to change not for herself, but for someone.
If you recognize yourself at this point, I recommend reading my article with analyzes of characters from the popular series “Why Women Kill.” There the type of “deserving” of love is described in detail. I'm sure you will find it useful.
I really “like” another absolutely typical female position: “That’s it, from tomorrow I will appreciate and love myself!” And after reading a couple of posts on Instagram, she begins to convince herself how great she is, and begins writing statuses on social networks: “I’m alone at home. I am a queen!”, “I love myself! Is it true. Look how strong it is,” and backs up his loud statuses with beautiful selfies. Yes, of course, positive affirmations can inspire you for a while, but in the long run they will not change the structure of your attitude towards yourself.
Practice of acceptance
Accept your spouse for who he is. Don't try to change an adult. You won't succeed anyway. You will only ruin your nervous system, but you will not get results. If you want to become an ideal wife for your husband, accept him for who he is, with all his shortcomings and advantages, bad habits and things that may irritate you. After all, don't forget that you have flaws too.
Paralympian Talay without arms and legs: “the harder the fight, the greater the victory”
Sometimes we wear a bra incorrectly: ways that are harmful to health
A broken nail is no problem: tips for treating nails at home
Accepting your husband is the best way to show respect. Of course, exceptions to this rule include situations involving verbal or physical abuse, addiction, and criminal activity.
take care of yourself
Stay healthy, eat right and exercise. Take the time to get a new haircut or beautiful makeup.
Being a great wife is not difficult. All you really need is to treat your husband with dignity. Pay attention to his needs and pay attention to what makes him happy. Communicate with him and develop an atmosphere of trust.
Often husbands and wives stop trying to be attractive after marriage, but this is a huge mistake. If you loved your chosen one so much that you agreed to marry him, then do not forget to show your best images every day, showing your husband your respect.
Find time for yourself
Learn to love yourself:
- Find time for yourself : for relaxation, hobbies and entertainment. Treat yourself to a home and salon spa experience: masks, hair care, manicure and pedicure.
- Express self-love with words : praise yourself every day, pay attention to your condition, write down your achievements that you are proud of.
- Give yourself gifts . This will remind you that you are worthy of attention without any reason. Buy what you like and evokes pleasant emotions. And it’s better to get rid of things that cause you negative feelings, including things in your house with your man.
- Invest time and money in your self-development . Do you want to take a foreign language course or a culinary master class, get a new profession, or learn something new? Don't wait for your partner's approval to do this.
- Regularly check the state of not only physical, but also mental health.
Treat yourself with attention, take care of yourself with pleasure. You will learn to love and value yourself, because this is how you can build a healthy and strong relationship with another person.
Initiate intimacy
We are used to hearing that physical intimacy is important mainly for the stronger sex. In fact, intimacy is important for both. It is enough to kiss your chosen one on the cheek before he leaves for work and greet him with the same gesture to make it clear that you are interested in a relationship.
Don't expect initiative from a man. Show it yourself. This will strengthen your relationship and help you become an ideal wife.
Found a violation? Report content
Wise advice for men. What to do to make a woman appreciate you
- Stop getting annoyed in response to women's complaints. You need to understand that her claims come from her insecurity.
- Stop playing ping pong and don't throw her complaints back. You should take a closer look, maybe you are wrong and somewhere you don’t live up to the image of a man.
- You should take responsibility for yourself, for her, for your family and your children. Now you are the main trustee, the main captain of your ship.
- You should show the woman that she can remain weak and should be such that she can calmly be behind your back, take care of herself and the children.
- Become a strong figure in your and her life, so that a woman does not even have the desire to compare you with other men, or point out your responsibilities and shortcomings.
.
