Almost every girl faces a breakup in her life. It doesn't always go smoothly. It’s even less common to be able to maintain communication with your ex-partner. But it happens that a woman would not want to let this man go for one reason or another.
However, she may encounter the fact that during any attempts at communication or casual meetings, her ex does not make eye contact or looks away to the side. And each woman will perceive this gesture in her own way, unconsciously associating it with what she wants to see. What are the real reasons why your ex-partner avoids eye contact?
Shame
For some reason, many women are convinced that men are capable of experiencing only a small range of feelings, the list of which does not include shame or guilt. This is due to the fact that among men, the manifestation of such emotions is considered a sign of weakness, so they deliberately hide them inside themselves.
This may lead to the misconception that they simply are not capable of feeling something like this. In fact, ex-partners often experience this feeling after breaking up for a variety of reasons. Of course, everyone has their own individual problems, but there is something common among them that almost all men experience.
Read with us how to break off a relationship so that you don’t feel ashamed later.
Everything will depend on who initiated the termination of the relationship. In the first case, it may be that the man did not want this breakup, but the girl insisted on her own and left him alone. In this case, the man may feel ashamed for not meeting his partner's expectations.
He will probably blame himself for not being good enough for her. With a high probability, he will reach the point of self-flagellation or other means of harming himself just because of this feeling. Of course, this does not always happen, but it was worth mentioning so that people understand the depth and power of this emotion.
In the second case, the one who decided to stop dating may be the man himself. Not all of them are narcissistic and selfish, so often after a breakup they feel guilty for having decided to take this step themselves. Especially if their partner did nothing to push them away from each other.
Usually men blame themselves for hurting a girl only if they left the relationship for some reason of their own that does not relate to their chosen one. Often this shame will exist alongside a lack of confidence in oneself, one’s strengths and abilities.
In the third case, especially if the girl decides to leave the relationship first, the man may feel ashamed of being abandoned. But not because he considers himself unworthy, but because this act hurt his pride. Yes, there are also those among men who are so confident in themselves that they are blind to their shortcomings and are perplexed when, because of this, they are left alone.
The ex may look away precisely because he is offended and unpleasant to look at the one who abandoned him. In this case, persistence on the part of the ex-girlfriend may even cause aggression in them. However, in any of these cases the man can be understood.
Rules for communication between ex-spouses
- Now your relationship is built ONLY as a relationship between the parents of your child (your children).
- Topics for conversation with your ex-husband are limited only to issues related to the child.
- It is advisable to build an equal relationship with your ex-spouse.
You don’t need to be “friends at home,” but it is important to be able to find a common language when resolving issues related to the child.
- If the child can already communicate with his father directly, minimize your participation in this communication (usually this happens when the child enters school).
- If possible, agree with your ex-husband on a schedule for his communication with the child. It is advisable that these be certain days (no more than 2 days a week). The child will get used to the regularity of meetings, and on your part this will help reduce negotiations on this matter.
- Communication between father and child does not take place on your territory.
- In this case, the child has the right to be on the father’s territory, unless there are any legal restrictions.
- It is advisable to agree on common requirements of parents for the child
- Joint vacations, common holidays, weekends are undesirable.
- Don't speak disrespectfully about your new girlfriend or your ex-husband's wife. This is his life and his choice. Discussing these issues with a child is not useful, first of all, for himself.
- Do not demand love from your new wife or ex-husband's girlfriend for your child. On her part, a respectful attitude towards your child is enough.
In general, hearing any negativity from one parent towards the other, the child becomes a hostage to this situation. In addition to the fact that this affects his attitude towards himself, which we wrote about above, he also has to maneuver between two parents, which leads to his internal tension and can be fraught with various problems in his behavior, condition, mood, and relationships with his parents , and also have longer-term consequences for his future life.
Embarrassment 2
It happens that a man may simply be embarrassed to be in the company of his ex-girlfriend, which is why he will look away when talking to her. This often happens in cases where the guy was initially shy, timid and not very self-confident.
It may even seem cute and attract the girl who left him, since it will be clear that he still likes her. Although the fact that he is shy in her company does not mean that he has any feelings. He can do this for completely different reasons, which are almost impossible to guess if you don’t know about it in advance.
Embarrassment can also be caused by the fact that the guy simply does not know how to behave. Inexperience plays a huge role in what he will do and how he will speak. And if your ex doesn’t look you in the eye, then he most likely just doesn’t know what to do if you find yourself in the company of your ex-partner.
At the same time, he may not have any negative emotions; he may be perfectly aware that the relationship has ended and there is no need to insist on continuation. But he will continue to hide his eyes due to not knowing what else he needs to do. To justify such people, we can say that there are really few people who truly know how to behave correctly around their former partners.
Another reason for embarrassment may be the provocative behavior of his ex-girlfriend or her friends. They can make fun of him, even in a friendly tone, but it will still hurt the person. Or the girl will behave as if nothing happened, and this will unsettle the man.
He will simply become confused, embarrassed, and, again, his possible inexperience in communicating with those with whom he broke up will play a role. And for those who are more confident after a relationship, it would be extremely tactless to tease and joke about someone who has been dumped.
He went through a bad breakup too quickly
amount of time to get over a breakup that was extremely difficult, long and painful.
. The chances that in a couple of weeks you will wake up in the morning with a light soul, completely forgetting everything that happened, are almost zero.
Therefore, it’s worth thinking about if you suddenly found out that your ex suddenly began to lead an overly active life almost immediately after the breakup, as if nothing had happened. an ultra-short time he
a new passion has appeared. There is almost no doubt that he deliberately started a new relationship in order to drown out the feelings remaining from the old relationship.
A man can plunge headlong into work, starting to disappear at his workplace 24 hours a day. Why suddenly such an unprecedented ability to work, and even after a short time after he was completely exhausted and mentally exhausted?
tormented by his feelings about breaking up with you? In fact, he is simply trying to lose himself in his work, to drown out the pain.
Such behavior may indicate that your lover still has feelings for you. Perhaps he continues to love you. But it may turn out that these feelings are far from the most positive.
, so once again analyze all the circumstances of your separation before rushing into his open arms again.
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After all, your ex may well show such activity in order not to drown out his love feelings
, but in order to quickly erase from memory everything that connected him with you!
False3
All people lie. They do this with different frequencies and have different persuasion skills. But still very often they tell lies. And former partners are no exception. While communicating with him, a girl may notice that he looks away to the side, and in some cases this will be a sign that the guy is not telling something or is telling a lie.
It’s hard to blame him for this, because he was left without a relationship and is no longer obliged to share his real feelings and plans with someone who is no longer related to his life. But it’s also not good on his part to blatantly deceive. There are several reasons why men may lie to their exes.
Firstly, this is, of course, an insult to them. It is quite difficult to communicate with a person as if nothing had happened after the relationship with him was severed. The request to remain “friends” rarely translates into real life. A man may fundamentally not want to share anything with the one who left him.
Or he may deliberately tell lies in order to insult his former partner, put her in an unfavorable light, and make her feel guilty. You need to be aware of the fact that not all men can be called polite, tactful and understanding. Negative emotions can push them to do other things.
Secondly, this is the absence of any feelings or desire to continue communication with the ex. It may be that the guy has already come to terms with the breakup, let the girl go, and when meeting her does not want to tell the truth in order to let her in again. For himself, he has already put an end to it, and such a lie will only mean that he does not want to resume the relationship.
A girl, if she suddenly wants to return him for some reason, should keep in mind the reason that the man avoids visual contact with her. Often, from his cold and uninterested answers, you can easily understand that he is no longer interested in his ex-partner.
Thirdly, a man may deliberately hide details of his life or lie about them if he is afraid of judgment from his ex-partner. He may have some residual warm feelings for her, so he is afraid of offending her with some information. For example, he may believe that his ex will be offended by the fact that he recovered from the breakup so quickly.
After all, this would mean that he did not love her very much and held on to this relationship. The guy will lie not only in order to save the girl from suffering, but also in order to avoid problems, conflicts and showdowns on this basis.
He reacts too emotionally to your appearance
When he is infinitely happy about your appearance on the horizon, everything is quite clear. It's a completely different matter when your ex suddenly becomes noticeably nervous.
when he accidentally meets you. And here it’s not so important what this emotionality ultimately results in - aggression, friendliness or a depressive mood - what’s important is that you still care about him.
golubovy/Getty Images Pro
This sign almost unambiguously indicates that with you and your ex-lover, as the poet said, everything can be, everything can happen... By the way, the feelings of a man
, reacting emotionally to his ex, it is not so difficult to check, making sure that it is she who causes such a noticeable reaction in him.
You can, for example, let him know that you have a new relationship. Or even arrange a meeting with your ex in such a way that another man
showing you signs of attention. An emotional person who has retained feelings in his soul will begin to be jealous instantly.
However, be prepared for the fact that the reaction may be too violent and unpredictable - even jealousy ! Or will you be more upset by indifference?
Other relationships4
It happens that former partners meet each other after a certain time. It would seem that everything has already passed, emotions have subsided, grievances are forgotten, but the man continues to look away. He was probably able to forgive his past partner and is now worried about not offending her by having a new relationship. Especially if he finds out during the conversation that she still hasn’t recovered and hasn’t found a permanent partner.
Often girls, sometimes even unconsciously, press for pity during a conversation, saying that it was very difficult for them, that they are still worried and all that. This only signals that they didn’t really want to break up with their boyfriend, but realized this only now.
Having another partner can awaken shame in a man. He may believe that he should not have looked for a replacement for this girl, but tried to get her back. Remorse will torment him for giving up so easily and choosing the path of least resistance.
However, guys should not think so, because the desire to live without problems and difficulties is quite natural for a person. Judging yourself for wanting a calm and better life is wrong. Both partners must understand this. And a guy who is ashamed of not breaking down and finding new love. And a girl who may feel jealous because of this.
In addition, a new relationship can be very confusing and stressful for a man, especially if his current girlfriend is dating his ex. This situation is often played out in various films and TV series. During it, you can notice that girls can behave quite strangely, which simply confuses a man.
Suddenly they will begin to communicate like old friends and discuss some features of this guy. Or they will begin to behave like rivals, argue and claim that the man was better off with them. All this does not benefit the new relationship and can significantly spoil the mood of everyone around.
How to communicate with an ex-husband who betrayed: advice from a psychologist?
It also happens that communication with a husband who abandoned his family is inevitable. First of all, if the former spouses have children together. And sometimes a woman certainly wants to restore family relationships and try to start all over again.
If you have common children
There are former spouses, but there are no former fathers and mothers. Both of the divorced spouses are the parents of the child, and no one has canceled their participation in his upbringing. As a rule, children stay with their mother, so she has to make decisions.
A child should not be pitted against his father. At the same time, serious work needs to be done with dad and explained to him so that he does not try to manipulate the child and make him his supporter.
Now about how exactly to communicate, because the emotional wounds have not yet healed, and when this will happen is unknown:
- talk only about the child. Do not carry on conversations on extraneous topics, even if your ex-husband tries to do so. Don't waste your energy on a person you don't like;
- distance yourself emotionally. Maintain polite coolness;
- Be impenetrable to your ex. You may still love him, but he shouldn't feel that way. The less he knows about you, the better. Gossip doesn't count;
- do not ask questions regarding the father to the child;
- Don't say nasty things about his father in front of your child. He loves both parents. Trying such manipulations does not lead to anything good.
This is the only way you can finally let go of your previous relationship. Otherwise, getting out of the emotional funnel will not be easy.
A loving husband ignores his wife: reasons
Sometimes a man just likes to ignore his wife from time to time to increase her interest in him. This is what abusive husbands do who put only their personal desires first. While married, spouses may avoid communication even with their beloved wives. There are reasons for this:
- Offended by his wife, the husband gives her time for her to repent and apologize.
- The strategy of a man who wants to improve a relationship is to make a woman afraid of losing him once and for all.
- An affair on the side, which the partner is afraid to say directly to his face.
- Ordinary relationships, the desire of the spouse to diversify them, adding a little scandals and intrigue.
- Cooling of feelings for the other half. After years of relationship, a husband may notice that he no longer feels the attraction to his wife that he did several years ago.
Such manipulations can be carried out by men in relation to their beloved wives, without thinking that their behavior can cause pain and cause discord in the family.
What to do and how to attract male attention
Finding themselves in an unpleasant situation, many girls wonder what to do if their husband ignores them, and how to avoid further deterioration of the relationship. First you need to calm down, focus on the situation, understand what happened.
If a husband deliberately ignores his wife, but at the same time loves her, then the problem is of psychological origin and a specialist will help to understand it. If a partner refuses to go to a psychologist, says that he is not ignoring him at all, but is exhibiting normal behavior, you need to understand how to do the right thing.
The following techniques can be used to improve relationships:
- If your behavior is to blame, ask for forgiveness. Women sometimes themselves provoke the appearance of ignorance on the part of their partner. By repenting and convincing your husband that this will not happen again, you can quickly improve your relationship.
- Switch, move away from the situation. Try not to get hung up on what is happening, avoid negativity in the relationship and then the guy will become less ignorant. The psychology of male representatives is designed in such a way that a change in a woman’s behavior forces them to reconsider their behavior.
- Straight Talk. Many people don’t know why a guy avoids communicating with a girl, what caused this behavior. To understand everything, you just need to talk to him. There is nothing more effective than a frank conversation to resolve all issues. Ask the guy specific questions, if he answers them sincerely, then nothing bad is happening.
- Give the man time to figure everything out. Sometimes guys get confused in relationships, they want to look at the world differently, feel new emotions. If he begins to close himself off and stop communicating, you need to react gently to such a man’s ignoring. Scandals and grievances will only worsen the current situation.
Manipulations to regain a man’s attention must be decisive and careful. Remember that no guy likes excessive attention to himself, it only pushes him away.
Mistakes in female behavior
Feeling ignored by their partner, girls do not know how to behave in this situation, what to do to save the relationship. In a fit of anger, disappointment or resentment, women can make mistakes that sometimes become fatal for them:
- the girl completely dissolves in her partner, lives only for him, forgetting about her interests;
- Indecent behavior of a guy is a common thing for a girl, the main thing is that he feels good;
- constant control of the partner, interference in his personal affairs, advice that is inappropriate in the current situation.
The reason why a man constantly defiantly ignores a woman may be her wrong behavior. First you need to understand yourself and only then blame your chosen one. If you don't understand what turns him off, ask directly. Sometimes it is better to put yourself in an uncomfortable position than to suffer for a long time from being ignored by a man.
A break up
Quite rarely, divorce occurs in a civilized environment, without reproaches, tears or scandals.
In addition, not every person is able to calmly accept sudden changes in their personal life. Resentment, pain, fear of the future - these are a small part of the emotions that a woman experiences during a divorce. But, paradoxically, some ladies try to maintain friendly relations with their ex-husband. Why doesn't he want to see me? This question keeps even the most persistent women up at night.
In some cases, calm communication between people is not only possible, but also necessary. For example, if they intersect at work or have children together. In other situations, “exes” choose not to meet again because they don’t see any point in it.
The examples we described have a positive outcome, since the ex-spouses were able to come to an agreement and feel calm. However, there are cases when a woman wants to continue communication, and the man does his best to prevent her intentions.
If you are interested in the question of why your ex-husband does not want to communicate, then you should immediately understand yourself.
