Silence after a quarrel
Silence after a quarrel most often does not arise as a punishment. After all, if another person is silent, we think that he has turned on his willpower and wants to teach us a lesson. In order for us to come to our senses from our “terrible behavior”. And we think that in this way he wants to bend us under himself. This is how we most often perceive silence.
In fact, silence occurs on the other side as a defensive reaction. Which is experienced by him as the IMPOSSIBILITY to say anything at the moment. Because at the same time he feels very strong feelings. Namely, such as:
- grievances,
- anger,
- sadness,
- disappointments
- loneliness,
- guilt,
- shame
- annoyance,
- jealousy,
- + whatever.
The fact that another person internalizes these feelings and cannot talk because of them is not your fault. Even if you did something wrong. After all, you must admit that even if you did something wrong, he doesn’t have to feel angry, for example. Hypothetically, in the same situation, another person will feel a different feeling. For example, he will find it funny (why not?). Or, he will be indifferent (also an option!).
Thus, a feeling that is so severely experienced that it blocks the ability to speak is the property and responsibility of the feeler.
Silence after a quarrel
Wife is silent after a quarrel
What if the wife doesn’t want to talk? Or, “We had a fight with a girl, we don’t talk.”
In addition to the above reason, there is another important reason. Which causes silence after a quarrel.
This reason is NOT giving him/her the opportunity to speak out. This is about when we are endlessly convinced that we are right. And because of this, they simply crushed their soul mate with their “arguments”.
Most often, this feature occurs in men. Precisely because he is a man. After all, what do men have? - That's right, testosterone. Women also have it, but not enough. It is testosterone that is responsible for the spirit of competition. And also aggressiveness.
In this version, the man can push, push, and push. She reaches such a state when she feels that it is simply impossible to talk here. Because there’s nowhere to insert a word here. After all, no one will hear.
However, the desire to dominate sometimes manifests itself in women. Female dominance is also experienced by a man as NOT giving him space for his thoughts and feelings.
The desire to dominate and crush a partner. Not giving him space to have an opinion
I had a fight with my husband, we sleep separately and don’t talk.
There are couples for whom sleeping together is sacred. Even their grandmother used to say, “no matter how much you quarrel, still go to bed together. And in a hug. First, having made peace."
Well, what if, “I’m offended by my husband and don’t talk”? How, in this case, can we make peace and then sleep in an embrace?
First, determine why the fact that you are in different rooms (beds) bothers you? Maybe you are afraid of something and have already painted terrible pictures of betrayal in your imagination? Do you think this leads to betrayal?
However, it is not.
Because cheating leads to SYSTEMATIC dissatisfaction of psychological and sexual needs. Which, in fact, was the reason for the emergence of your relationship.
In other words, people are in a relationship as long as their important needs are met. Which?
- For women, this is the need to feel loved.
- For a man, this is the need to feel needed.
- In addition to these basic (basic) needs, there are also individual ones. For example, such as having a companion for recreation and leisure. Or, the need to joke and laugh. Or maybe the need for a daily blowjob (and this happens)
Understanding your individual needs in a relationship does not come to everyone right away. But at the same time, this is our most important task. Namely: to understand what I want from a relationship in general?
I had a fight with my husband, we sleep separately and don’t talk.
Tips for your wife
Watch your words, control your emotions in the process of communicating with him.
There are a number of simple recommendations that help strengthen the family and renew faded feelings:
- Take care of your appearance , beauty, find time for yourself: go to a beauty salon, visit the gym, and regularly update your wardrobe. A confident woman with a good mood attracts her husband.
- The faithful should have enough time for privacy. In a difficult situation, men prefer to be alone and think. For the first half hour after your lover comes home from work, do not bother him with unnecessary questions.
- Don't say negative things about your other half . What the wife tells about her husband will become the basis for further judgments about him.
- Support your spouse's lifestyle and hobbies. If he is an active person, the wife needs to behave as well. Otherwise, the man will start looking for an understanding person elsewhere.
- The cause of a woman’s bad mood may be a banal hormonal imbalance . Watch your words, control your emotions while communicating with him.
Be sure to read:
How to live with an alcoholic husband: 3 effective tips for a woman
How to improve family relationships with your husband if we don’t talk
To improve family relationships, the most important steps are:
STAGE 1
Understand your own feelings
Easy to say, harder to do. Since often the cause of negative feelings is the lack of separation from parents.
In other words, in relationships, people fall into the script of their relationship with their parents. Which did not satisfy them at all. This is why people turn to psychologists for help with this.
In addition, feelings are often unconscious. Or suppressed, disguised as something else. For example, for nail biting or psychosomatics.
And yet, until we realize our feelings and understand them properly, we are wandering in the dark. At the same time, trying to apply different “techniques” that do not suit us.
STAGE 2
Having sorted out your feelings, the next step is to talk to your significant other about your expectations and feelings.
Moreover, attention! To truly improve relationships, you need two-way talking .
“I-statement” technique helps us a lot here . With her, we talk in the format “I feel this and that. I want it to be like this. Because it's important to me. For such and such a reason.” I especially want to emphasize that we must avoid accusations when speaking. This is the only way to achieve understanding.
Well, what if no one agrees to reconcile yet? Well, well, at this time, you can cool down a little. Relax. P after rest - see point 1. And point 2
How to improve family relationships?
How to reconcile quarreling spouses. If the quarrel drags on
A husband and wife quarreled and are not talking. And no one agrees to reconcile. In this case, is it possible to reconcile them? And if it is possible, then how to do it?
If you are not a professional psychologist, then this will be difficult. However, if you are a person with authority for BOTH, then help may be available. It is you, if your opinion is important to both. In this case, you need to follow these rules:
- Take a neutral position as much as possible. This means that none of those who quarreled is declared guilty
- The situation and circumstances are declared to blame, if you really want to find the culprit
- The right of both to understand is recognized
- The feelings and expectations of both parties are heard with equal respect
- We are looking for a solution that suits both
- And, it is also necessary that they come to an agreement and talk it out. That is, we agreed out loud or even in writing about how everything will be now. And this should suit both
How to reconcile quarreling spouses. If the quarrel drags on
My husband hasn't spoken for months. Doesn't want to be the first to reconcile
If “we had a fight with our husband and don’t talk for several days,” then it matters how often this happens. If it’s not often (once a year, for example), then it’s okay. Provided that the rest of the time everything is relatively good in the couple.
However, if the husband does not speak for months or periods of non-speaking are repeated frequently, then this is an important signal. This signal informs us of a CRISIS.
A crisis is always about the fact that your MODEL DOESN'T WORK. Or, it no longer works. That is, that it’s time to reconsider your approach to relationships and marriage.
Specifically, what needs to be reviewed:
- Was there something similar in a previous relationship? If so, then an analysis of the reasons is necessary.
- What do you expect from relationships and marriage? Are you getting what is important to you in a relationship?
- What do you pay for what you get? Maybe your fee is too high? Or is it not enough? It's not necessarily about money. More often, it’s a matter of emotional exchange and energy exchange. Namely - understanding, support, sympathy. In addition, the desire to help, support.
- Is your partner getting what he expects? How does he pay?
My husband hasn't spoken for months. Doesn't want to be the first to reconcile
After a quarrel, the man does not make contact. We don’t talk at all - it’s impossible
We will now touch a little on the situation when a man is not necessarily a husband. That is, he is your boyfriend, boyfriend, or just a beloved man.
It happens that we quarrel and don’t talk for several days. And if he doesn’t make contact, then it won’t last long. Because, at your first (well, second) text or call, he is ready to come back, talk, discuss and forgive. And it happens that the relationship “came to naught.” And not just “he doesn’t talk.” That's exactly how you feel. And at the same time, you still feel fear.
And this is where the fun begins. If you are EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT, then you are able to switch to your own affairs. At the same time, you could already try to send him a text message or a call. Like, let's make peace. But, if there was no clear “yes”, you concluded “let it cool.” At the same time, they were able to go about their business. Especially those that have been lying in your long drawer for a long time.
However, it happens differently. If a girl has an emotional addiction (or love addiction), then she is prone to “stalking” a man. It could be endless calls to him. Or, numerous SMS. With this behavior, the girl tries to achieve “containment” (closure) of her trauma. Which I received during a quarrel.
These injuries, in fact, are always an echo of previous unresolved injuries, including childhood ones. If a girl feels extremely unhappy and abandoned after a quarrel. Then, in this case, we can talk about re-traumatization. In this situation, the girl is in dire need of restoring her mental balance. But that's NOT how it's done! This is not done by beating love out of a man!
More precisely, this is done through working with the Inner Traumatized Child. Also, the most important point will be the development of self-love.
And then, if these conditions are met, the problem “a man does not make contact” simply will not exist. Because if a man makes NO contact, then a psychologically healthy girl draws a simple conclusion. Namely: this is simply not my man. Well then, all the best. Because my true happiness is waiting for me somewhere ahead.
Inner traumatized child. How past traumas affect you
What should I write to my ex-husband to make peace? What to write to a man after a quarrel?
Sometimes they ask me, “what should I say, what SMS should I write to my EX-husband to make peace?” Especially if, after time, the girl believes that she HERSELF had a quarrel with her husband. And how to behave in this case?
- First, before you write, remember why you broke up. After all, there is a high probability that your memory has simply dulled the negative aspects of your relationship. For example, such as his alcoholism. Or, malignant narcissism. Or maybe he is a complete incorrigible cheater?
- Secondly, be mentally prepared for failure . That is, to the fact that he simply will not answer. Or he will answer, but coldly politely, that he is already in other relationships. Because no matter how bored you are, no matter how much you dream about him, everything happens in this life. Just be mentally prepared for this.
- Thirdly, the message itself should be as neutral as possible. Namely, with such a mood as if “I was passing by, let me, I think I’ll come in.” It could be an innocent question, “How are you?” Or news about your mutual friends.
The most important thing in this case is no demonstration of your feelings. No matter how you feel, no matter how much you dream of restoring everything. Because if he needs you, he will quickly respond to any of your most innocent SMS. And, if you don’t need it, no demonstration of strong feelings will help bring him back. But at the same time, it will hurt you more later.
What to write to your ex-husband (or just the man you love) to make peace?
How do they speak the “language of love”?
If you are already reading this article, most likely you have spoken with your wife in different languages before. For example, you considered words of encouragement to be love, and your wife considered help. In such a situation, you spent time and energy trying to find words of admiration and encouragement, but your wife always ignored them. It would be much more valuable to her if, instead of elaborate compliments, you silently washed the dishes after dinner.
We often do not understand the behavior of our partner of the opposite sex. However, professional advice from specialists can help you identify and competently solve relationship problems, as well as establish a happy family life. The main thing is your desire to work on yourself, and not on your wife, learn to listen and hear.
Okay, let's not talk. Is it worth leaving home after a quarrel?
After the quarrel, the husband did not spend the night at home
If a husband does not spend the night at home after a quarrel, an anamnesis of the situation is important. That is, let's be attentive to the history of the problem:
- Is this the first time he has not spent the night at home or does this happen regularly?
- What exactly did he have such a reaction to?
- Do you know where he is when he is not at home at night?
- How well and how long have you known your man?
- Did he have any “peculiarities of behavior” before? For example, such as increased temper. Or, the desire to break things in a quarrel, to destroy everything?
- Does he have a psychiatric diagnosis? Or, is it a clearly identified psychological problem?
The above questions need to be considered. Then, give yourself honest answers.
Let's assume you've answered the questions and thought about it. And they came to the conclusion that mentally and psychologically he is quite adequate.
Moreover, if this happened for the first time (or extremely rarely), then the most important question will be WHAT EXACTLY DID HE HAVE SUCH A REACTION? Because it is in the answer to this question that the solution lies.
After all, if there are some sluggish conflicts in a relationship, then (attention!) if they are not resolved and discussed , the situation will mature and become a crisis. Especially in some difficult times. Namely, when additional difficulties arise at work, for example. And at the same time, a man’s nervous system simply cannot withstand such stress. So he leaves the house into the night.
Where does it go? Yes, somewhere, in a “cave”, most often. In other words, to a place where he can be alone. Because a man is designed in such a way that he copes best with stress by thinking about it alone.
After a quarrel, the husband does not spend the night at home
Wife left home after an argument
Male clients often come to me with the request “my wife left home after an argument. What to do"? “I had a big fight with my wife, what should I do?”
As a rule, in response to my question “what preceded the quarrel?” They say “nothing, everything was fine.” They add that they have an apartment, children, and have been together for a long time.
However, this is a policy of “burying one's head in the sand.” That is, unwillingness to see problems that she had been trying to get through to for a LONG time. But at the same time, the husband avoided talking. Or, he thought that she was just having PMS and was just “blowing her mind.”
It is noteworthy that often in such a situation there is an important accompanying symptom - a lack of closeness in the family. About this below:
My wife doesn’t want me + we don’t talk to my wife
How do you know that a relationship can be restored?
Oddly enough, a sign of this is that she still tries to prove something from time to time. In other words (male), “blow your mind.”
Because while a person somehow continues to try to stay in contact and figure out the problem, this indicates that he still needs this contact. But if a person is silent and doesn’t find out ANYTHING for a long time, then that’s it. The relationship is dead.
If a wife does not want a husband, then this problem did not arise out of nowhere. And if he still doesn’t want to talk, then the situation needs to be saved urgently. It's not easy, but it's possible. The solution is here: Why the wife doesn't want her husband - solution.
Why doesn't my wife want intimacy, sex, me?
Recommendations for husband
How to avoid misunderstandings in marriage - tips for your husband:
- Give your wife the opportunity to speak out , listen to her, even if it seems to you that she is talking about trifles. This may be important to her.
- Don't be stingy with praise. The spouse's self-esteem largely depends on the opinion of the spouse. Compliments, flowers, just pleasant words will help maintain peace and tranquility in the family.
- Protect even in a situation where your spouse is really wrong. You can show dissatisfaction and point out mistakes in private. You should absolutely not do this in the presence of others. The beloved should feel support and a reliable, strong shoulder of a protector nearby.
- Spend more time with your family and children. This will strengthen the family and will not give unnecessary reasons for quarrels.
