Social networks have become our faithful companions. In them we talk about our lives, find communities of interest and make new friends. Due to their constant development, there are even instructions on how to make a pen pal fall in love with you.
Relationships that start over the Internet attract the attention of girls and boys with their simplicity. There is no need to worry about constantly maintaining your appearance; the interests of your significant other are already known in advance thanks to subscriptions to communities. Those who decide to start a relationship online will need instructions on how to make a pen pal fall in love with you - 10 tips for a successful start to love.
Is it possible to fall in love on the Internet?
You correspond with a person every day, receive compliments and sweet speeches , it seems that you have a lot of common topics, the same views, the interlocutor is sweet and charming.
A feeling is born . This is not love, but rather sympathy, infatuation. You are drawn to a fictitious image rather than to a real person about whom little is actually known.
The ideal picture is a figment of the imagination. After meeting in the real world, fantasies may dissipate, the person will turn out to be less attractive, and the feelings will go away.
In the event of a more favorable development of events, if there is confirmation of pleasant impressions, communication will continue. And in this case, the birth of love is possible.
If you or your interlocutor refuse to transfer acquaintance from the virtual world to the real one, preferring to enjoy illusions, perhaps not everything is going smoothly in your life at the moment, there is a feeling of dissatisfaction.
Dating via the Internet. How to understand the seriousness of a relationship? Expert opinion:
Prerequisites for the development of feelings
What were the preconditions for the feeling to arise? Perhaps it:
- Disappointment . Online affairs are a common consequence of disappointment in real relationships. After a breakup, a person is not ready for a new serious relationship for some time. The soul is not yet sick, the past has not been forgotten. Correspondence allows you to cheer up, feel needed, and at the same time gives a feeling of protected personal space where you don’t have to let your interlocutor in. When there is discord in family life, virtual flirting helps to get the emotions missing in life, add bright colors to life, while some manage to save the family.
- Personal characteristics .
Lack of self-confidence, complexes about appearance, physical disabilities, fear of being ridiculed and rejected interfere with dating in the real world. There are people who are closed by nature. The Internet provides an opportunity to meet shy people, homebodies and introverts who do not know how to start live communication, who do not like and do not know how to meet people in real life. In online love, it all starts with conversations, expressing thoughts, finding out common interests and similar worldviews. Appearance and social status are relegated to the background. - The desire to gain recognition . To be liked, to hear approval addressed to you, to receive a positive assessment of your activities is pleasant. If these steps come from a stranger and are repeated many times, it fascinates and excites. New acquaintances attract because they give a new portion of admiration. They get carried away by a person, wanting to receive even more attention and interest in their personality, and then they are not far from falling in love.
Relationships or the illusion of relationships? The main problems in online relationships:
How to improve a relationship with a guy at a distance? Advice from psychologists will help you!
What attracts you in correspondence with the opposite sex?
Pros of virtual relationships:
- proximity effect. You can share secrets with your interlocutor, tell personal stories, and spill out what you don’t want to tell your loved ones. In response, you can get a response to your feelings, or silence and misunderstanding. You need to be prepared for this.
- complete freedom of expression of thoughts, absence of fears and boundaries. Without blushing, you can write on any topic, debate, discuss any issues, and not be shy about anything.
- no need to worry about your appearance, bad hairstyle or unironed suit. The interlocutor does not see you.
- distance doesn't matter. You can communicate with a person from the other side of the planet. If the language barrier allows. And feel like the closest people with him.
- the right to choose. It's up to you to decide with whom to communicate and with whom to take a break in the relationship.
You can simply block a boring or unpleasant interlocutor. In real life, this is more difficult - it is not always convenient and polite to tell the truth to your face. - availability of time . On the Internet you don’t need to react instantly. You always have time to come up with an original answer to a question, think about what and how to write correctly in order to interest a person of the opposite sex, emphasize your strengths and hide your shortcomings.
- the opportunity to experience very real emotions . You may be overwhelmed by joy, sadness, tenderness, admiration, jealousy. It's all for real.
Rule #6: Simple Conventions
There are moments that fuel a man’s interest in corresponding with you. First of all, it’s attention to his life and the ability to present your own.
Learn to ask open-ended questions in correspondence, those that cannot be answered “Yes-No”. This way you will get food for thought.
Along with the answer, you will receive a question addressed to you and a chance to tell something exciting.
It is not at all necessary that the man be online when you write. You can make your good morning wishes traditional. A simple example: “Good morning! Have a good day! (smile).”
This is where you get creative: figure out how to wish him a good day in a more interesting way and see the man’s reaction if you write him something new every morning.
In the evening you can ask the opposite: “How was your day?” This question does not require a detailed report and the man will definitely answer something.
A separate issue is the duration of the correspondence. Don't stay online too long, especially at night. Lack of sleep does not make a woman happy and means that she has nothing to do in the evening.
It’s better to tell your man about how productively you spent your day, what interesting things happened in your life, what you read, watch and what you’re interested in - briefly and emotionally. And don't forget to give compliments.
And forget about the question “What are you doing?” every two hours. For the most part, it is annoying and distracting.
Cons of Online Relationships
Disadvantages of online relationships:
- You have very little information about your interlocutor . Everything that is available is taken from his words. The relationship is based on faith in what he says and how he describes himself. On the Internet, everyone shows only what they want. A correspondence lover will not show his negative qualities and character traits. And during face-to-face communication, all this will definitely appear. Your hero may not want a serious relationship, but openly lie, asserting himself at your expense. But in relationships on the Internet, everything is built on unconditional trust.
- In correspondence, people often offer fictitious information about themselves , embellish, endow themselves with non-existent advantages, and invent unrealistic details of their lives.
This is especially true for interlocutors with low self-esteem: on the Internet you can be strong, beautiful, successful, without considering yourself such in reality. Sometimes in reality the partner may be of a different age, and even gender. On the Internet it is easy to be someone you are not. No one will notice the change. - You independently invent the character traits of your interlocutor , attribute non-existent qualities to him and create an unrealistic image. By idealizing your hero, making your chosen one the very best, in a real meeting you can be very disappointed.
- Vast distances may separate you. And if you suddenly decide to transfer your love to the real plane, it will be difficult to do.
- Psychological dependence may occur . You are constantly drawn to the computer, there is no time left for walks, hobbies, or live communication. If at a certain moment the interlocutor does not get in touch, it is difficult for you to cope with his absence.
- Correspondence relationships are illusory ; in real life, partners remain lonely, or live not with the objects of their ardent feelings, but with completely different people.
- Virtual love can be dangerous. There are mentally unstable and anxious people online.
If you do agree on a first date with a guy on the Internet, be sure to arrange it in a public place.
Social network addiction, virtual love, internet addiction, psychotherapy:
Rule No. 8: Regularity, boundaries, familiarity
Make sure that your communication did not begin solely on your initiative. Understand that if a man doesn’t want to write himself, he’s no longer interested in you.
Therefore, keep track of the mode in which you respond to each other. Ideally, he writes and you write. Keep track of how long it takes for him to respond to a message: instantly, during the day or once a week. This also says a lot.
Now about the framework.
Long gone are the days when the topic of sex was taboo. And even at the stage of correspondence, you can talk about your preferences, but if a man starts communication with this, he only wants sex .
If it goes beyond what is permitted, the same thing can be said in completely different ways, and if a man writes: “Kisa, I want to lick your socks,” he is inadequate. Finish the correspondence.
And if he talks, for example, about his sexual temperament in the spirit: “I would like to know if we are sexually compatible. I love to dominate. Tell me about what you like." — you can also briefly describe and track the reaction.
A worthy man will always appreciate how calmly, gently and femininely you either move away from the topic or answer such a question frankly.
In general, pay attention to such things - it will help you avoid an unpleasant aftertaste from correspondence with preoccupied people, gigolos, beggars, etc.
Prospects
Having fallen in love by correspondence, people want to meet in reality and live a long and happy life together. This is where disappointment overtakes many.
- Sometimes a talkative, sociable interlocutor disappears after an offer to meet .
He is busy all the time, there are many important things to do, there is a rush at work, family circumstances urgently require him to move to another city. Most likely, your hero has reasons to leave the relationship purely virtual, so as not to turn from an ideal into a completely less than ideal person. Or he already has a very real relationship with someone other than you. In any case, the persistent reluctance to meet and excuses should be alarming. - Once the meeting has taken place, sometimes not everything goes smoothly. A person can be the complete opposite of the created image. You will have nothing to talk about. The relationship ends, you are overwhelmed with a feeling of resentment and injustice.
Most close correspondence relationships end overnight after the first real meeting. Sobering up is a common outcome of the first dates of virtual lovers.
Cases when online correspondence develops into true love, ending in a wedding and the creation of a happy family , happen less frequently. They are possible if you know how to behave correctly and how to communicate if you want to continue the relationship.
Myths and tragedies of virtual love:
Is it possible to feel a person from a distance? Find out about this from our article.
Rule No. 2: Adequate initiative
Give the guy the first like?! Yes, this is the first step on the girl’s part. And no, he won’t think that you are intrusive, asking for help, etc. To be the first to write: “Hello...” is not a crime.
If we transfer the same picture into reality: you would show initiative when you smiled, looked into the eyes, or something like that.
While you sit and think about how he will take the initiative, someone else will take it. And then write or don’t write, the chance will be missed.
You don’t have to believe that fate will bring you together one way or another. When you wait a long time, you get the best of the leftovers - I’ve said this more than once.
Yes, go first. Like and write.
But remember, in the first message it is best to either give a compliment or ask a question that will be impossible not to answer.
And this question is not “How are you?” And there is no need to unload on a man a history of his kind, a story about 72 hobbies and proudly tweet about his “top 10 advantages”.
Every person wants to be interested in him. This is a cyclical reaction: you show interest - they correct you in return.
The “take-and-give” balance is important even on the first date, because the relationship begins already in the first SMS conversation.
Act like a woman: carefully and unobtrusively. Put off the desire to show off your sharp mind until better times. Start with a simple “Hi. A stunning photo of the sunset in Barcelona, tell us which cities you have visited before?
This will be enough for him to understand that you are educated, not trivial and interested. On top of everything, a beautiful photo and the first step has been taken.
If he answers, he’s interested. Keep your communication level. If not, that's the answer.
Advice from psychologists on how to communicate
Psychologists recommend adhering to the following rules:
- be yourself. There is no need to invent non-existent hobbies for yourself, lie about your social status, or attribute the achievements of others. If you want to meet the object of your feelings, the lie will definitely be revealed. This will put you in an awkward situation. And who would want to start a serious relationship with deception;
- talk about more than just yourself. Be more interested in your interlocutor, ask questions. Look for topics that interest both of you. You don’t really want to continue communicating with self-obsessed individuals;
- communicate politely and reservedly. Try not to make mistakes when writing. Vulgarity and illiteracy are a deterrent;
- use your sense of humor . Funny jokes and the ability to laugh will defuse the situation in case of awkward silence and enliven correspondence;
- be sincere, no need to play a role and pretend. Do not dump your problems on your interlocutor, avoid complaining about life and fate;
- Be careful, there are a lot of strange people, swindlers and scammers on the Internet. Don't mindlessly give out your personal information and phone number. Try to get to know your interlocutor better first;
- Don't get hung up on love correspondence. Real acquaintance will take the relationship to a new level.
The faster it happens, the less you will have time to think about each other. Don’t delay, if you feel that you have found a congenial person who can change your life, invite him on a date.
Rule No. 4: Competent does not mean normal
Many women, when drawing conclusions about a man, miss one very important thing - literacy.
Firstly, it is a direct indicator of intellectual level. Secondly, what to focus on is not always correct.
Remember one thing: very literate does not mean normal, and normal does not mean exceptionally literate.
A decent man saves his time on things like SMS. He can ignore capital letters and sometimes punctuation marks, so it is better to draw conclusions not by commas, but by actions.
And the main indicator that a man is ready to take the relationship to the level of reality is a meeting.
And you, too, don’t play the philological maiden if you are far from her in life.
As with everything, moderation is important here. There is no point in putting up with "ashipki". A decent man most likely has an equally decent job.
When instead of “date” he writes “dating” - think about what kind of work they will tolerate such an illiterate employee.
But if he made only a couple of mistakes during the entire period of your communication, and you have already written him off, one thing I can say for sure is that it will be difficult for you to find a normal man.
Try to write correctly and avoid typos, but don’t get hung up on it. Believe me, literacy is not the most important quality in a man.
