Author of the article: Naumenko Alexandra Igorevna Family psychologist, child psychologist. Practical work experience: 8 years.
There are many reasons why two loving people have to live hundreds, or even thousands of kilometers away from each other. Some people have romances at the resort, others find the love of their lives on the Internet, and others are constantly on business trips due to their duties.
The psychology of relationships at a distance is fundamentally different from relationships built on close proximity. According to statistics, they last no more than two to three years. Meetings are very rare, and in moments when the support and love of a loved one is so needed, the most you can count on is a video call in messenger. This is quite a serious test and not everyone can successfully overcome it.
We sincerely want to help all couples who find themselves in a similar situation and have prepared a large material on the topic of how to maintain relationships at a distance, how to maintain love and trust despite disappointing statistics. We share tips on how to maintain intimacy even if there are kilometers between you.
Key Features in Long Distance Relationships
In the life of two loving people there will definitely be tests of strength. And perhaps the most difficult exam is long-distance relationships. Often a guy and a girl have to live in different cities and enjoy rare meetings once a month, or even less often. What do the statistics say? But here the results are not comforting - almost 90% of feelings fade away without passing the test of strength. However, there are rare exceptions when couples have existed for more than 3-4 years, and their relationship is so strong that they are not afraid of any separation.
Sad times2
Love that lives thousands of kilometers away is very exhausting for everyone in a couple. After all, sometimes you really want to feel the strong shoulder and hugs of a loved one, but he is very far away, and it is simply impossible to touch him. And, it would seem, the most comfortable and familiar world is slowly falling apart. And if quarrels occur at this moment, then it is much more difficult to worry. After all, in addition to omissions, a feeling of resentment towards a person who is not around now awakens. And the main enemy in this situation is distance, which prevents us from competently finding a way out of the situation, listening to each other and resolving conflicts.
If we compare a long-distance relationship with a regular romance, when the object of love is nearby, then maintaining it is much more difficult. Indeed, thanks to frequent meetings, spending time together and communicating “eye to eye,” relationships are strengthened and developed every day. But people in long-distance relationships cannot afford such luxury. But is everything really so sad?
Take several online tests with your loved one
Learning more about yourself as a couple can sometimes be difficult if you don't experience everyday life together or talk at night. Online tests are ideal for this purpose. Answer the questions with your partner and share your findings. You will not only have a good time, but also, perhaps, learn a lot of new and interesting things about each other.
Be positive!3
Long-distance relationships are sure to appeal to those who love freedom. After all, now you don’t need to account for your every step, expressed emotions, late returns home, etc. You don’t need to burden yourself with everyday problems and family troubles, or listen to complaints. Now you are completely on your own, you don’t even have to clean the apartment and do what your heart desires.
Such freedom-loving people, when starting a long-distance relationship, can feel very harmonious and maintain a fulfilling life. Naturally, such desires are typical for people with a certain psychological makeup; they can be called “birds of free flight.” For each of them, living at a great distance from their partner is an excellent remedy for depression and boredom.
But what should other people do who cannot imagine their life without a loved one nearby and have a very difficult time experiencing long moments of separation.
How to build relationships at a distance4
In ordinary relationships, when two people are nearby or at least in the same city, maintaining the relationship and ensuring its development is much easier. Other emotions are experienced in a situation where a person does not feel the reliability, closeness and support of a loved one. In this situation, a person can unconsciously commit rash actions, which primarily depend on the emotional state and type of character.
No one will say that maintaining a long-distance relationship is easy. But “shared” love can be preserved when both want it. After all, many loving couples were able not only to withstand the tests of distance, but also to further strengthen their relationships. To do this, you don’t need much - just change some habits, ways of thinking and drive bad thoughts away.
How to calm down an upset girl: be sincere
Do not play with the expression of your emotions under any circumstances. Hyper-lisping or excessive intrusiveness is clearly visible, especially if the person has known you for a long time. Be yourself, and if you are confused, admit it honestly and don’t allow yourself to remain in that state.
Girls are more allowed to indulge in nagging, because psychologically they are more emotional and perceive everything more strongly than men.
Stay in touch with the girl, try to protect her from bad thoughts, paying attention to the good things that happened in life and speed up your personal meeting. Did you like the article? Share with your friends:
From theory to practice: 10 rules__10
So, if it so happens that your loved one is now far away, the invisible emotional connection must be maintained. It is important to understand the psychology of long-distance relationships. Here are some practical tips to help you maintain your relationship when you're in different cities.
- Talk
Fortunately, today a huge number of various instant messengers have been created, with which you can exchange messages around the clock. But still, try to communicate more often not by text SMS, but verbally - any video call carries much more meaning than regular correspondence. This way you can see the feelings and emotional state of your loved one. After all, by simply sending your partner an emoticon or a short message, you lose the opportunity to see his facial expressions and gaze.
- Talk about little things
If you feel like there are fewer and fewer topics to talk about every day, stop making them up on purpose. This is what prevents free communication “about anything.” The brain is constantly engaged in searching for a new topic for communication, as a result of which there is a pause in the conversation.
People who are nearby are not looking for a reason to tell this or that story, they simply say what they are thinking about at the moment. This creates the illusion that a loved one or simply an object of sympathy is not thousands of kilometers away, but at arm’s length. Imagine that you are now in the same room - tell us about the flowers on the window, that the cat was hunting for a vacuum cleaner again, the dog chewed on house slippers, etc.
- Drop your inhibitions and express your feelings
How to maintain a long-distance relationship when your loved one has left for another country? Surely, you will be very interested to know how life works there, and you will ask your loved one about it in great detail. But the less you ask about it, the better. Since everything alien and unfamiliar will over time be associated with your loved one, who is currently located there.
- Meet often
If your relationship is still at the stage of emerging sympathy and love, but for some reason the object of desire is in another city, you need to indicate the frequency of meetings. Of course, this can be influenced by a variety of factors: study, work, business trips, finances, etc. If the next meeting is scheduled only in a month, well, so be it, but it must definitely take place. Moreover, this needs to be agreed upon in advance. This is very important for building long distance relationships. And letting everything take its course “maybe it will work out, maybe it won’t” is not the best option.
- Meet on neutral territory
If you have to separate from your loved one for a long time, at the next meeting, agree on the place where exactly it should take place. Let it be a place that is convenient for both of you to get to. Do not allow a situation where one of you sits and waits for someone to come to him. The person will also be uncomfortable with the fact that he will be just a guest on your territory. Neutral territory provides a level playing field, which eliminates a number of problems in the first place.
- Do everything together
Even though you are separated by hundreds or thousands of kilometers, do something together. For example, when going to the supermarket, turn on video calling on one of the modern instant messengers. This approach not only brings people closer together, but also creates the illusion of presence.
- Don't deceive each other
Being at a distance, hiding a lie is very convenient, since the second person has no way to check whether he was lied to or not. The problem is that lying is very difficult to get used to, and when you and your partner are close again, it will be very difficult to adapt to a different way. This will greatly help in building trusting and sincere relationships.
- Don't be jealous
Jealousy is a very scary thing for any relationship. Without this feeling, it is difficult to build ordinary relationships, and when your loved one is far away, it is almost impossible to trust. And so that the relationship does not develop into constant reproaches and jealousy, you should not even begin. All you can do for your partner now is trust. If you know in advance that you are not ready to do this, it is better to break up immediately.
If a partner is not ready to trust, it is simply necessary to break up, since this will happen anyway, even if a little later. But sooner or later, jealousy will still ruin the relationship, and to this will be added the need to constantly make excuses and prove that you are right.
- Don't suffer
The absence of suffering is an important aspect in a long-distance relationship. Even if fate scattered you and your partner across different cities for a certain period of time, there is no need to turn your life into a waiting room. There is no need to occupy your thoughts every minute and wait for news. It is important to understand that for a certain time each of you will live your own life, while your relationship has not ended, but continues as before. Since people are very susceptible to various types of suffering, this condition will quickly begin to eat each of you from the inside.
It’s a paradox, but the more angry and worried you are about the fact that your loved one is far away from you, the more angry you will be at him. Over time, a feeling of hatred and alienation will settle in you, and the closest and most beloved person will become a stranger to you. If you do not want your relationship to suffer such an outcome, try to worry less and take it for granted. Your being far from each other is a temporary situation. Soon you will be together again.
- Remember happy moments
While at a distance from each other, try to remember more often the happy moments spent together. Surely, you will have something to remember. This includes going to a cafe, cinema, walks in the park, watching a movie together in the evenings, etc. Warm memories bring you very close, especially when you are separated by a long distance.
The practice of long-distance sex has a very positive effect on such relationships.
This is life5
How to maintain a long-distance relationship when we are all living people and there are so many temptations around? After all, for an ordinary person, every day is filled with certain circumstances. What if a handsome guy or girl flashes on the horizon? And if even more, they will want to get to know you? Or do you get an offer to go to a party in a club where there are a lot of cute single people? Is it necessary to deny yourself pleasure and, locked within four walls, spend all your free time at home?
You need to understand that a long-distance relationship is not a reason to lock yourself away and ignore communication with friends and acquaintances. But leading a wild lifestyle with all the ensuing consequences is also not the best option. It is important to find a middle ground, for example, if you really want to have fun, then instead of a nightclub, go for a walk in the park or visit the gym.
Psychologists give very important advice - in order to brighten up the worries and blues about the fact that your loved one cannot be with you now, you need to take care of yourself. And it's very tight. Moreover, if the availability of free time allows it. Join the gym, visit a beauty salon, get a beautiful manicure, read a book, teach yourself to run in the morning. Activities like these will not only brighten up your days, but will also help you take care of yourself. If you still doubt that the relationship is not worth your time, read the article.
Remember that you won't have to maintain a long-distance relationship forever. Sooner or later the day will come when you can hug your loved one and never let him go. Such checks will only strengthen your union, after which meetings will be even more desirable and reverent, and feelings will be stronger and sincere.
Tricky Ladies 5
If a man upset a girl, and she threw a scandal and simply plunged into depression. It is worth considering how reasonable and appropriate the actions that led to this are. Maybe from a male point of view they are quite appropriate, but the girl just wants to make a scandal and receive a material reward. It is unclear, however.
In any case, in such a situation you need to evaluate your actions objectively. And, in case of not admitting guilt, do not apologize to the girl and do not try to calm her down. Grievances must be justified and not arise out of nowhere.
