There are no people who do not have complexes. Everyone has them, even people who look really cool to other people. Complexes prevent us from achieving our goals, and at the same time create many problems. Almost always complexes are formed in a person before the age of 17. Parents teach their children how to behave correctly without noticing that from a young age we are developing a lot of complexes in them. It is known that animals do not have complexes. From all of the above, an interesting fact follows: while primitive man did not have any upbringing, they did not have any complexes.
How to deal with complexes?
Inferiority complex.
A person begins to feel that he is worse in almost everything than the people around him. This can include the fear that you look stupid, as well as a complex about your appearance, etc. People who suffer from this complex are too susceptible to the opinions of others. As a result, they suffer and do things not as they want, but as is customary, and then they regret what they missed. For example, a man likes girls with a body, but he dates thin ones, and all only because his friends consider them more attractive. As a result, not only this person remains dissatisfied, but also fat girls, as well as slender ones.
To get rid of an inferiority complex, you need to remember that almost all people are similar to you in some way, because just like you, they go to the toilet, sweat, bite their nails and crush pimples, pick their nose and bite their lips. And they also look very funny or stupid in front of you. Therefore, you have no shortcomings, but what you mean by them is called individuality. Just look at the world around you from a new perspective!
Template "fear of assessment"
It is impossible for fear to command the mind; Otherwise, we move away from accomplishments Like an animal when it imagines itself!
Dante Alighieri
Every person knows firsthand what fear is. We encounter its manifestations in various life situations. At first glance, it may seem that fear arises for reasons absolutely beyond our control, as they say, “it’s inherent in nature.” But is this really so?
First, you need to figure out what fear is? Orthodox psychology gives the following definition: fear is an internal state caused by a threatening real or perceived disaster. From a psychological point of view, it is considered a negatively colored emotional process. Fear is caused by real or imagined danger. Fear mobilizes the body to implement avoidant behavior, running away. In the book by Anastasia Novykh “Sensei. Primordial Shambhala” regarding fear it is said that it is just an emotion that turns on where there is no information or there is too little of it...
Fear can be described by various terms depending on its severity: fright, horror, panic. Professor Yu.V. Shcherbatykh proposed his own classification of fears. He divides all fears into three groups:
- biological;
- social;
- existential.
The first group includes fears directly related to a threat to a person’s life, the second represents fears and concerns about changing one’s social status, the third group of fears is associated with the very essence of a person and is characteristic of all people. Social fears are caused by situations that may pose a threat not to a person’s life or health, but to his social status or self-esteem (fear of public speaking, social contacts, responsibility, and so on).
Let us dwell in more detail on the fear of being judged by others, since this topic is very close to me.
People who are afraid of negative evaluation can behave in different ways, but the most common form of behavior is shyness. Shyness can also be attributed to fears of social contacts, but the most important factor for a shy person is the fear of negative evaluation.
As the leading expert in the field, Philip Zimbardo, wrote in his monograph, “to be shy is to be afraid of people, especially those who for some reason pose an emotional threat: strangers because of their unknown and uncertainty; superiors vested with power and so on.
A close relative of the fear of negative evaluation is the fear of being judged by others. This means that in a person’s mind, the opinion of society comes first, and not the result of the activity itself. A person believes that if he makes a mistake in his affairs, he will be subject to universal condemnation.
Here is what is said about the fear of evaluation in the encyclopedia of Primordial Knowledge, the book by Anastasia Novykh “AllatRa”:
Evaluating oneself and others and then making comparisons actually originates from the animal part of man. The ancient instinct to be an “alpha male” or “alpha female.” An animal always strives to look larger and more beautiful in the eyes of its opponent. That’s why a person is so concerned and burdened by someone’s opinion of him. As a rule, this is limited to the desire to seem and not to be. A person worries: “What will others say?” But he doesn’t even think about who exactly will judge him? From pride and conceit arises a person’s fear of the opinions of the Animal nature of other people. Why? Because other people’s criticism in this case is seen as belittling the importance of one’s own Ego. Although all these are sides of the same process: the struggle for dominance, for power over their own kind. This is where resentment, depression, and aggression grow.
This quote was simply a revelation for me in working on myself! Understanding the reasons for this fear, I realized that its roots go back to my school years. It was at this time that a solid pattern formed in my mind (with the help of my family, teachers and society as a whole) that I should be the best in everything. White and fluffy! This pattern determined my behavior in most life situations. Even now, when writing an article, thoughts creep in about how it will be appreciated? The question is, who will evaluate and who is so concerned about this evaluation? The answer is obvious - EGO!
Delving deeper into the reasons for the fear of being judged by others, I came to understand that its root is much deeper than it seems at first glance. Tracking the behavior of my consciousness in various situations, I realized that this is a stronger directive from the Animal nature - to survive. After this realization, coping with fear became much easier. I won’t say that I have completely worked out this pattern within myself, but knowing its cause, I know what actions should be taken! Every time I have a feeling of fear of being judged by others, I ask myself the question “Who am I?” and “Who is afraid of me?” and then everything falls into place.
Author: Oleg Nastusenko
Problems with the opposite sex.
These include problems that arise, for example, in communicating with girls. A person becomes afraid to approach a girl, and all because he thinks that no one will definitely pay any attention to such an idiot. Or he begins to prove to himself and other people his coolness, thanks to the regular change of girls.
How can you get rid of this complex? Let's start with the fact that it is quite difficult to overcome it on your own. Therefore, the main method of disposal will be pickup courses. These courses will teach you to be relaxed and easy to communicate with the opposite sex. This problem can also arise due to a failed romance that happened in your life. You just need to realize the following: if you failed to build a relationship with one girl and she treated you badly, remember, this does not mean that this situation will repeat itself constantly.
How to recognize your addiction
It is not difficult to detect the presence of an addiction. Examples of such a problem can be various cases from life. You should sound the alarm if:
- You refuse to buy something just because someone around you criticized it.
- You refuse to go to the cinema because one of their friends or relatives shared their negative opinion about the film they watched.
- You only buy things that others like, but not you.
There are many ways in which addiction can manifest itself, and it can be of a different nature. Often, those who are afraid are unable to defeat the enemy within themselves. Their life can become unhappy and even tragic.
Succumbing to the opinions of others, people can get a job they hate, marry an unloved person, buy an uncomfortable apartment, and even have unwanted children.
Such addiction destroys the personality, so it is important to identify it in a timely manner and get rid of it as quickly as possible.
Buying things only after the approval of others is a symptom of addiction
Fear of responsibility.
It lies in the fact that a person is afraid to take responsibility for everything that happens in his life. But at the same time, he begins to be indignant that everyone around him is to blame for everything, and he alone is good. To put it in scientific terminology, it is in what is called “protection mode.” In other words, he is comfortable being inactive, but failures in life can always be blamed on the circumstances or other people.
To get rid of such fear, remember the following: you must be responsible for everything that happens to you in your life. Well, the therapy is this: at work, try to take the initiative as often as possible. Offer new unusual and useful ideas, the main thing is to put aside any fear, you can also try to take on some difficult project. And have more self-confidence, then you will certainly cope with the tasks! Then you will understand that responsibility is not so scary. But in the end, on the contrary, it’s so nice to feel like a necessary and important person, on whom a lot of things depend.
Advice from psychologists
Anyone can overcome addiction. The main thing is to find the strength to face your fears. Psychologists are sure that it will be easier to get rid of this problem if:
- The patient will learn to say “no” to people. Having learned to refuse others, it will be easier to analyze the situation at moments when he feels someone else’s influence over him.
- Rationalize your thoughts and actions for your own good. It’s even better to write down certain goals that the individual sets for himself. This will help the patient gain confidence and gradually move towards completing the assigned tasks.
- The sufferer will begin to express his opinion. This step is the most difficult. The easiest way is to watch a movie or read a book and discuss it with loved ones. It is important to identify all the moments the person liked and mention them in conversation.
In attempts to express one's own opinion, disputes may arise. Despite a weak character, low self-esteem and other problems, it is important not to deviate from your own goal. The more the patient stands by his opinion, the more likely it is that he will develop self-confidence.
It is important for the patient to learn to say “no”
Fear of expressing your opinion.
The beginning of this complex, as one might expect, goes back to childhood. For example, in childhood, many were taught by their parents: “Boys don’t cry!” Or they talked about not laughing too loudly. And all because decent people cannot behave like that in society. If this is said to a child, he begins to think that almost all emotions need to be hidden from others. And as a result, everything can lead to a paradox: the poor guy has boiling water spilled on his leg, but he remains silent.
How to get rid of the fear of expressing your opinion? Finally tell the girl who has her eye on you how much you don’t like her, how sick you are of these slobbery kisses and suffocating hugs. Your next step is to laugh out loud at her stupid dreams about your future life together. As a result, if you survive, you can safely assume that you have been “cured” of this complex.
Symptoms of dependence on other people's opinions
Creative crisis - what is it, how to determine its onset and overcome it
How to stop being afraid of other people's opinions? First you need to identify your dependence on it. Main symptoms:
- The desire to be “like everyone else” in matters of clothing and technology. For some people, the fear of public opinion goes so far that they begin to live beyond their means and take out a loan in order to buy an expensive car;
- Severe anxiety before making any decision;
- The desire not to stand out from the crowd. For example, in a company, a non-drinker may order alcohol for himself only out of fear that he will not be “understood.” He can also criticize his favorite book for company or go to the cinema to see a film he recently watched that he didn’t like;
- Suspiciousness and anxiety. A person always thinks that others are judging him. He gradually turns into a neurotic - he is bothered by laughter behind his back, sidelong glances on the street make him nervous;
- Constant desire for approval. It is difficult for a person to independently evaluate the result of his work;
- The desire to shift responsibility onto someone else's shoulders;
- Fear of loneliness. The reason for this is the difficult situation with one’s own internal guidelines. The possibility of being left without external “moderation” is terrifying.
Fear of the dark, heights, closed or open spaces.
Rather, this can be called not complexes, but phobias. These fears most often arise after mental trauma. For example, many of those who were stuck in an elevator as a child do not feel comfortable finding themselves in a confined space. At the subconscious level, they are afraid to again experience the shock that they experienced in childhood. At the same time, a person may not understand what happened to him, but in the end, fear still remains somewhere inside us.
Let's try to get rid of this complex. Firstly, if you are terribly afraid of heights, step over your fear and jump with a parachute. Let's go further, if you have claustrophobia, climb into the closet and sit there for a while. Secondly, create an incentive for yourself - eat a chocolate bar right in the cupboard! But sometimes the opposite happens - you start to feel sick from eating chocolate, and the complex can overwhelm you. Here's some advice: start eating chocolate after you've gotten a little comfortable in a dark and cramped closet.
Nowadays, many people suffer from various complexes, ranging from simple lack of confidence in their capabilities to an inferiority complex. And remember that complexes are all your psychological attitudes that you have invented for yourself.
Previous articles on the topic “How to deal with complexes and phobias?”:
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Why does a person depend on other people's opinions?
To the question of where dependence on other people’s opinions comes from, psychology gives a clear answer: in 90% of cases it grows from childhood. In total, there are 3 main reasons for its appearance:
- Excessive demands from parents. The child is often compared with more developed, talented peers. Against this background, low self-esteem is formed, which forces a person to constantly seek the approval of others;
- Strictness and emotional detachment of parents. A child who has not received enough parental love always tries to earn the attention of his father and mother. This is often observed in single-parent families in which only one child is raised, and the parent is constantly busy at work. In relation to such a child, and later an adult, the following attitude applies: “This is how they love me, this is how they don’t”;
- "Toxicity" of parents. The reason for self-doubt and dependence on other people's opinions lies in an overly critical attitude towards the child on the part of the father or mother. A person is brought up in conditions of suppression; from his parents he hears only insults and criticism.
Against this background, character traits are formed due to which a person, already in adulthood, will experience fear of public opinion:
- suspiciousness;
- diffidence;
- lack of independence;
- infantilism.
Such a person does not want to irritate and provoke others, but his behavior almost always causes the opposite effect.
The fear of standing up for your opinion includes the following fears:
- to be rejected;
- make a mistake;
- to be abandoned;
- loneliness.
Note! The reason for dependence on other people's opinions may be psychological trauma that was received during adolescence.
Almost always its cause is the incorrect behavior of teachers. The most common example is a note selected in class and read aloud.
Sometimes there is a different situation: a person who keeps his own opinion to himself simply does not want to offend his interlocutor. This is also a form of dependence, which is designated by the term “people-pleasing”.
The reason is not always uncertainty. Sometimes the reason for dependence on other people's opinions is infantilism. It is difficult for a person who is always “under the wing” of his parents to navigate life. Therefore, later he falls under the influence of colleagues and friends.
Allodoxophobia. Likes received: 4
Knowing
People are social creatures, living in close contact with many other people, it is natural that it is important for us to evaluate our actions from others, moreover, we often want to be understood and our actions to be approved by others, especially if the choice we make is psychologically difficult.
Scientists have even coined a term meaning the fear of other people’s assessments and opinions - this is allodoxophobia. These people are afraid of someone else’s negative assessment, which is why they suffer, because we are always forced to choose something and refuse someone, and moreover, by making a choice in one direction, we can cause harm to the other. But you still need to make a choice. Such people try to stay away from situations with the possibility of such a choice, and often do not make a decision at all in such a situation, even to their own detriment. This is not correct, since each person can and should have his own point of view, his own core, which precisely creates the uniqueness of a person in society.
Being under constant stress, another form of fear may appear - aggression, acting as a defense mechanism. Normally speaking, I would say that maintaining your point of view is an important task. We need to have our own opinion, it helps us survive, learn something.
You shouldn’t be so afraid of other people’s judgment. Everyone has their skeletons in the closet, it is our right to make mistakes, our right to make a choice, and we must use it, because there is one life, and there will not be another.
Parental influence
As a rule, all psychological problems are formed in childhood. Children of authoritarian parents are often afraid of public opinion. Once upon a time they tried to please mom and dad and were afraid of their anger. In adulthood they continue to be afraid. But society already plays the role of an authoritarian parent.
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Presence of idols and authorities
In this case, a person is interested not so much in the opinion of society as a whole, but in his idol. Someone who is dependent tries to fit his life and thinking into similar parameters of someone he considers an authority. Thus he loses his own personality.
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