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Gynophobia, or the fear of approaching a girl, often plays a cruel joke on the stronger sex. Having doubts when meeting someone is normal, but sometimes this develops into real panic just by looking at a woman.
Gynophobia - fear of approaching a girl
Overcoming this fear and learning to react calmly when meeting a girl is quite simple. To do this, you don’t need to visit psychologists or psychotherapists at all, but you can destroy your fear yourself.
How to start approaching girls
In your life, you meet beautiful girls in completely different situations and places: on the street, in a club, in transport, in the gym, while studying (at school, at university), etc. It would seem that these places are completely different, and act and they need to be spoken differently. But one thing they definitely have in common is your will to take the first step and speak. If it’s not enough, and you don’t take any action at all, then having a conversation on the topic “what to tell her” is pointless.
First, you should realize the main thing: you can approach a girl, even if you say all sorts of nonsense. But capable of action. And this is where some guys have a big misconception. They think they can't come over because they don't know what to say. This is a complete misconception, a kind of excuse. You must make the following installation for yourself: I can approach any girl in any situation and ask her, for example, what time it is or how to get there. If this setup works for you, then we can move on to specific situations and make idle approaches effective. Let's start with the main and best place to get acquainted - the street.
Reasons for fear of dating a girl
The fear of dating for most men arises in adolescence, at school. Then the first personal failures and the first complexes appear. It is difficult to get rid of childhood traumas, so the fear of dating often continues into adulthood.
Psychologists identify the following reasons for fear of meeting a girl:
- dependent personality type (traits – shyness, low self-esteem, fear of public opinion);
- heightened sense of shame;
- long loneliness, lack of full communication with anyone;
- a girl’s refusal or a painful breakup in the past.
Very often, fear is not associated with the dating process itself and not with the possibility of being rejected. What happens if she agrees to a date and gives her phone number? What to talk about? What if she is stupid or, on the contrary, too smart? What if he forces you to get married? After all these questions, the desire to get acquainted disappears. This speaks of both self-doubt and emotional immaturity. It occurs in men of any age.
Unconfident young man
Some people are prevented from making acquaintances by immaturity, while others, on the contrary, are pathologically serious. It creates a fear of error.
How to approach a girl on the street
On the street, approaching and meeting girls is as difficult as it is easy and pleasant at the same time. I'll try to explain. The street is a pretty tough place for beginners. Girls are in a hurry, there are a lot of people around (social pressure), the weather may be bad, etc. That is, there are quite a lot of negative factors. But there are also positive ones. And there are no fewer of them. Firstly, you can meet anyone on the street: a girl with any social status, status, level of education, etc. For example, a person who, for various reasons, does not have a VK page at all. She lives in real life, works, plays sports, and she doesn’t have time to take glamor photos and be stupid on the computer. Tempting? This is what you can find on the street in your city.
To start approaching, it is better to use social openers.
Example of an approach on the street:
You: Hello!
Girl: Hello
You: I need your help. Are you local?
Girl: Yes. Any advice?
You: Exactly. Tell me where in this city you can go with a girl. Recommend a cool place.
The girl talks. You either say thank you and all the best (in this case, the approach was for training purposes, to remove fear and tune in to communication), or take her phone number (you can continue the legend as you like: say that this is your friend, you haven’t seen her for a long time and you want to go somewhere with her, or in general, that this girl is exactly the one you just approached. And you will go to this place one of these days).
You can also ask girls for a “female opinion” (who lies more often: a man or a woman; who cheats more often: men or women, etc.)
After you begin to get the hang of “social approaches,” you can move on to directive ones.
A directive approach is an approach in which you directly express your intentions to the girl. For example, you liked her and wanted to ask her out. You come up and tell her about it. Such approaches are the most effective, subject to certain leveling.
An important point: it may turn out clumsily right away, and the girls will not leave their numbers. To start doing really well, you should methodically do the approaches day after day and gain experience.
Exercise
Do 2 sets a day for 15 days in a row. No more and no less. It's important to do it EVERY day, no matter what. From experience, in the first days it takes beginners about 2 hours to complete 2 approaches (many girls miss out due to excitement and excuses). Then, on the 3-4th day it takes about an hour, but these days are the hardest morally (it breaks and you don’t want to do anything). But then you realize that all this is not so scary, refusals do not frighten you, and real euphoria comes. You see, everything is much easier than I thought. The important thing here is not to stop, but to continue doing the exercise. If you do it, after 15 days you will feel like a different person.
The right attitude
The most important condition for successful dating is the presence of at least minimal self-confidence.
You need to assure yourself that it is you who want this acquaintance and that you are willing to devote a little of your time to this stranger.
- When communicating with her, openly and boldly demonstrate this confidence at the level of intonation and body language: your body should be relaxed, your gaze should be open and natural, your hands should not be in your pockets, not behind your back or near your face.
- It is necessary to speak naturally, to be prepared in advance and able to accept any possible outcome of the conversation, including refusal.
- Don't be ashamed of your fear. Fear is a normal reaction of our psyche; it can be experienced by brave people, and even by professional pick-up artists. One thing distinguishes them from shy people - the ability to overcome fear, using all their volitional resources.
It's not just the content of your words that matters, but also how you present them. Inappropriate facial expressions and intonations can seriously let you down.
How to approach a girl while studying (at school, university)
Here you can come up with quite a lot of effective and original options.
- Find out what the girl is interested in . Maybe she goes to some extra classes, to a section, a club, or is preparing for a theatrical performance. If you wish, you can connect to be united with her in one activity. Therefore, you can start a conversation, help her and advise her. Ask something yourself. The option is quite labor-intensive, but you can still get a good result.
- Knock her down. Accidentally. Yes, yes, don't be scared
. After all, at school and university everyone moves around a lot, walking between classes and auditoriums. You accidentally bump into her and immediately say something like: oh, forgive me, I’m so distracted today, I need to clear my eyes. Didn't hurt you too bad? How can I make amends? And then: what is the name, from what class-group blah blah blah. Profit!
Passive measures
Even if you want the man to take the initiative, he can be gently pushed to do so. Use the following tips to increase your chances of dating.
Decide on a location
You can get acquainted under a variety of circumstances, and not just while languidly sipping a cocktail at a bar. First, try to understand what kind of partner you need, and, based on this, choose a location. Do you want to meet an intellectual? Go to an exhibition or lecture. Do you dream of being an athlete? Take a closer look at those who visit your gym and whom you often meet while jogging.
In general, pay attention to the places where you often visit. Most likely, there are men there with whom you have common interests.
It's a good idea to think about the skills you've been wanting to learn for a long time. There are also plenty of suitable candidates in language schools or DJ courses.
Another option is to look for places with a large concentration of men, where you will stand out. For example, visit a sports competition, a car show, or just the tool department in a hypermarket. You are unlikely to remain there without attention.
Become a regular
Still, you shouldn’t forget about bars and cafes. But instead of visiting a new establishment every time, try choosing one and visiting it regularly. It is easier to meet new people in a familiar, comfortable environment. And the wild rejoicing of the bartenders over your appearance will definitely turn all eyes in your direction.
Are you alone more often?
Don’t scare off strangers with the sight of your laughing girlfriends, and especially your male friends. Practice solo walks (or even travel), going to cultural events or going to cafes.
Just don’t try to replace a temporary lack of communication by listening to music on headphones or constantly checking your smartphone. Let others know that you are alone and are not waiting for a belated boyfriend to appear.
Don't be the snow queen
If you want to meet someone, forget about the mask of coldness and indifference. She repels rather than attracts. It’s also not worth using all the possibilities of facial expressions. In order to show your interest, a glance and a slight smile are usually enough.
Watch your appearance
This does not mean that you need to urgently take out everything short and shiny from your wardrobe. Screaming sexuality rather speaks of the girl’s despair and her bad taste than of her readiness for a normal relationship.
It’s better to rely on simple but stylish clothing solutions (the main ideas can be gleaned from this article) and choose the right makeup and hairstyle (this and this article can help).
And is it worth saying that you need to look good whenever possible everywhere and always? A well-groomed and neat appearance is at least a sign of politeness towards yourself and others.
How to approach a girl in a club
The main principle of success in the club is that you must communicate with many girls. If you don’t know how to do this, then first learn to exchange a couple of phrases with a girl, then tell her “see you later” and move on to the second one. For seduction to be effective in a club, you need to be as sociable and energetic as possible. When you meet a beautiful girl in this state, the question “how to approach a girl you like?” will no longer arise. Everything will happen by itself 
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Action plan
Often girls who walk down the street are focused on their thoughts. They need to be brought out of this state carefully.
How to attract attention?
You can give a nonverbal signal before speaking:
- This could be a friendly smile or a wink.
- You must win against the backdrop of indifferent and gloomy faces around and create the impression of a friendly person - this will create a trusting atmosphere between you and allow the first shoots of sympathy to take root.
Reference! If a girl is walking ahead of you, slowly catch up with her (or better yet, approach her in front) and start a casual conversation, walking at the same level with her. Approach it from the side, moving at approximately a 45-degree angle.
Such an approach will not cause her discomfort, which will nullify any relaxed communication.
Conclusion
- It doesn't matter what you say to a girl. It is important to take yourself by the balls and take action.
- You can't predict the situation. Be prepared to be kicked out. Don't be afraid of it and take it calmly. A girl may have thousands of reasons for this that are not related to you: the hamster has died, she’s just in a bad mood, PMS, a bad grade in school, etc., etc.
- It is important that you act and develop. When, after a month, if you have done the approaches, you look back, you will understand what step forward you have taken. This is a reason for pride and additional self-confidence: “I did it!”
Good luck!
If you're afraid to meet people, make sure you get noticed
In order for a girl to notice a guy herself, he needs to use several effective techniques from pickup truck experts. In their opinion, representatives of the fair sex will not be able to pass by a man who has several qualities:
- appearance – a stylist will help in choosing outfits;
- emphasis on details - this could be a stylish tie, headdress, branded perfume or original glasses;
- non-verbal gestures - the energy of self-confidence and leadership should emanate from a man;
- meta message - we are talking about facial expression, an emotional message, expressed in a confident direct gaze, smile, posture, external calm.
You shouldn’t try to seem different from who a man really is. But all your anxieties, fears, and embarrassment need to be hidden away from women’s eyes, since girls want to see a strong man next to them, self-confident, able to control himself in any situation.
