As children, we were taught that we should not lie. Never to anyone. However, life, as often happens, crosses out school lessons and stubbornly pokes us into the fact that you cannot live without lying. And tireless British researchers of everything in the world also add: it turns out that any adult tells a lie about 88 thousand times in his life!
The list of the most common deceptions includes, of course, everyone’s favorite “Good to see you,” “No money, I’m broke now,” and “Thank you, I really really like it.” That is, everyone lies, to everyone, always. But some do it well, making life easier for themselves and pleasing those around them, while others do it not so well, bringing only pain and suffering to everyone around them.
So, how can you learn to cheat easily, beautifully and safely? In this matter, as in any other, there are secrets and unwritten laws.
Little and big lies require equal attention
This is one of the main rules that a future master of lies must learn. Each of your deceptions, regardless of its meaning, you will have to remember forever and build your future behavior based on this. However, some people think that it is enough to remember only the most important deceptions, and little lies do not deserve any attention. This is where inexperienced liars usually end up. Having piled up a whole mountain of untruths, they then forget what, to whom and when they said it.
Therefore, try to remember well every, even the smallest, stroke. And since human memory is not limitless and you definitely won’t be able to remember everything, the main rule follows from this:
Lie as little as possible. This is the only way to achieve verisimilitude.
Top topics:
How to react if we see that our interlocutor is not telling us something, “misleading us,” putting on different masks and not being sincere towards us? Or how to admit to yourself that you are not being completely sincere with someone?
A hypocrite is a person whose external manifestations of emotions and behavior do not correspond to the internal experiences and true feelings of this person.
Has it ever happened to you that a person shows you a good attitude in every possible way, but does not look you in the eyes?
Or is there something subtle in his facial expressions that makes you doubt his honesty?
What a person really feels, we can easily determine with the help of empathy, and what a person expresses or demonstrates, we see by his actions, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice...
Why are people hypocrites?
The first thing we need to understand is that hypocrisy is not something bad that should be condemned or avoided. If you think for a minute, you will remember more than one situation in which you tried on a mask and tried to hide your true feelings from your interlocutor.
Remember the last situation in detail, what happened, where it was, what you really felt, and what you were trying to show...
And this is true, we hide our feelings too often, but we don’t have many reasons for this. In fact, there is only one reason - fear.
What causes fear?
Fear of being misunderstood, not accepted, fear of being judged by others...
In fact, we are afraid, afraid to be sincere, because often we think that if we are sincere, it means that we are vulnerable.
And to hide our vulnerability, we use a defense strategy, and one of these strategies is hypocrisy.
Usually the cause of fear lies in low self-esteem, that is, the moment we think that as we really are, we are not good enough, fear immediately arises and we begin to hide our true feelings.
This mechanism is typical for most people, that is, if your interlocutor or partner begins to be a hypocrite, then for you this is a sign or signal that at the moment this person does not feel safe
, or you did something to assert yourself at his expense.
How to respond to hypocrisy?
What we most often do is we decide “he’s not being honest with us,” “he’s deceiving us,” then we get offended and make complaints, or stop communicating.
This is the simplest option that does not require any effort from us. But he is not suitable if you want to build a close relationship and this person is important to you.
But there is a second option, it is a little more complicated, but more effective. So, here's a step-by-step guide:
1. Recognize that the person’s goal is not to deceive you, but to protect himself
from anything.
2. See what YOU did
that the person next to you felt uncomfortable.
3. Change your actions: stop scaring
person.
These steps are only effective if you are sincere in your intentions and really want to improve your relationship (in no way to change the person or his behavior), otherwise the person will consider you hypocritical and will distance himself from you and close himself off even more.
How to overcome hypocrisy in yourself?
Any person, putting on a social mask, always has the freedom to choose between truth and lies. Each person has his own understanding of the meaning of life, his own understanding of universal human values, good and evil.
By learning to make choices every day and be responsible for them, a person will be able to overcome this feeling of fear, from which hypocrisy is born.
By ceasing to deceive himself, an individual will be able to overcome the internal fear that prevents him from being himself in communication with others.
Where to begin:
1) Appreciate your uniqueness
, and others will appreciate you. Don't adapt to the expectations of others if they can deform your personality.
2) Trust yourself
, do not deviate from your moral guidelines.
3) Don't judge others:
in some situations you may not be better than them; just provide all possible help.
Use distraction and switching
A true master of deception, like the Spanish matador, draws his sword only at the decisive moment and delivers only one blow. The rest of the time, he skillfully distracts the victim's attention with the help of skillful movements of his red cloak. The art of lying uses similar techniques, and sometimes skillfully switching the interlocutor’s attention to another object or changing the topic of conversation eliminates the need to lie altogether. Think over your line of behavior in advance in such a way that you don’t have to tell a lie at all. Just be careful not to overdo it, because incompetent use of a muleta can cost the matador his life!
What people are considered tactless and arrogant?
Tactlessness (rudeness) is a negative moral and ethical trait of a person.
It manifests itself in violation of generally accepted norms and rules of communication ethics. A tactless person does not have good communication manners and a sense of tact. He also does not follow any standards of decency accepted by society.
The unceremoniousness of such a person is manifested in the following
:
- obsession;
- coarseness;
- selfishness (disrespect for interpersonal boundaries);
- impudence;
- familiarity;
- untimeliness of various questions and expressions.
Tactlessness, according to experts, refers to one of the types of psychological “vampirism”.
Often the reaction to an uncomfortable question is expressed in embarrassment and aggression, and this is exactly what a tactless person wants. At this moment, the arrogant, unceremonious object receives pleasure and feeds on the release of energy from its interlocutor.
There are such expressions: “arrogance is the second happiness” and “arrogance is the second name.” However, it should be noted that this implies a person’s determination, determination and perseverance, but not impudence and selfishness.
An insolent person will not ask permission and listen to the opinions of others, since he only has his own vision of the situation. Arrogant people do not consider the feelings and experiences of others. They choose unceremonious and rude behavior as a means of self-affirmation in society.
Never make excuses or confess
If you are suspected of lying, then the worst thing you can do is to start inventing more and more lies to justify yourself. If the building is shaking, then it is necessary to escape from it, and not urgently complete new floors. Therefore, respond to all accusations with proud, offended silence or switching to another topic.
As for “voluntary surrender,” this is tantamount to a direct shot in the temple. There are often situations when the truth is equally harmful for both sides and the party accusing you, just like you, despite all the harassment, would not want to hear it. Never give up, even when your back is against the wall. Stand your ground against logic, evidence and common sense.
Definition of the concept
Hypocrisy is pretense. This is in two words, but if you delve deeper into the concept, it turns out that hypocrites are people who are accustomed to wearing various social masks in order to achieve their selfish goals. From childhood, parents try to cultivate in their child such qualities as decency, honesty, and generosity.
They tell their children that even in the most stalemate situation you need to remain yourself, but at the same time they teach you to hide your true feelings... Smile even if you are hurt, don’t show your shortcomings, don’t turn your nose up at nice people, and try even with frankly nasty people maintain at least the appearance of a friendly relationship.
Doesn't this model of education lead to the development of hypocrisy?
Don't lie to your loved ones and those who love you
You can think through your line of behavior many moves ahead. You can practice brilliant acting skills in front of the mirror and develop the most believable intonations. You will provide yourself with an alibi, witnesses, a second line of defense and an escape route.
But they still know the truth. This cannot be scientifically explained; we don’t believe in all this “feels in the heart” and “dreams in a dream.” Let's put it another way: a special non-verbal psychophysiological contact is established between some people, thanks to which they unconsciously feel the slightest changes in each other's state. So it's better not to even try. It still won't work.
What secrets of successful deception can our readers share? Only honestly!
What does "hypocrite" mean?
The etymology of the word is immediately clear: “trying on faces” means hiding one’s real face. In ancient Rome, this was the name given to actors who actually wore and changed masks with grimaces painted on them. Today, a hypocrite is an insincere, two-faced person who does not say what he really thinks, for the sake of achieving some of his goals or unconsciously. In other words, hypocrisy is a discrepancy between words and actions and true judgments and feelings.
How to stop being a hypocrite?
It’s easy to judge others, but sometimes you end up catching yourself in systematic insincerity. Is there any reason to believe that others consider him a hypocrite and label him a “hypocrite”? It's time to reconsider your attitudes and be conscious of your own behavior:
- Allow yourself to be who you think you need to be, and push other people's expectations away.
- Determine which stereotypes interfere with freedom and work through them, perhaps even with a specialist.
- Think about how you can achieve your goals without resorting to lies.
- Find out what “hypocrite” means, and understand whether you really want to be like that?
How to protect yourself from people's negative energy
To prevent an energy vampire from trying to “suck out” your vitality, follow a few of my simple recommendations.
Psychologist Daria Milai
Make an appointment
Set boundaries and guard them
There are individuals who are mired in their own problems and want to find someone who will listen to them 24 hours a day and share their pessimistic mood. It feels rude and disrespectful to interrupt their flow of negativity. But it’s one thing to provide support, and another to also get sucked into this quagmire. To prevent this, it is worth building a barrier and establishing a distance between the interlocutor. If this is difficult to do, ask how he is going to solve the current problem. This will force the person not to touch on this topic anymore.
Don't let yourself get angry
An emotional explosion clearly shows the lack of ability to objectively assess what is happening. Feelings can take over for a few seconds or take over for a long time. If an energy vampire managed to anger you, it means you did not maintain a sober outlook. To protect yourself from evil and bad people, do not respond with insults. Remember dignity.
Move on to distant topics
There are those who emit negative energy only because of sick topics. And they will seem quite harmless to you. If a person is dissatisfied with his work, he will constantly mention it. When you try to give some positivity, even more negativity will be thrown at you.
Trying to change your interlocutor’s attitude towards things is a lost cause. It is possible that his problems are much deeper than he says. Therefore, when communicating, try to tune in to a positive wave and have an easy conversation.
Focus on solving problems
What attention is paid to constitutes the emotional background. When concentrating on problems, the destructive influence of a stressful situation increases. But when looking for a way to improve the situation, anxiety gradually disappears, and satisfaction takes its place.
This principle also applies when interacting with vampires. Stop focusing on bad emotions. Mentally ask how you can influence his behavior. This way you will take control of everything.
Shut off from other people's opinions
Successful people think internally. They believe that their well-being depends solely on them. Negative individuals look for the culprit of misfortunes and shift responsibility for their life activities.
When self-esteem depends on the opinions of others, it is impossible to find happiness without their approval. An emotionally strong person is confident in the correctness of his own decisions and does not allow superficial judgments to lead him astray from his intended goal.
Don't try to change others
You can help individuals by showing them an example. But the rule does not apply to everyone. When you are not happy with the behavior of a loved one, you should come to terms with it. It will be impossible to correct him, since he will probably resist and give away an increased share of the negative. The best way out is to accept it entirely and give freedom of choice. Maybe he will begin to act differently on his own, or your view of him will change.
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Think about yourself
The rest do the same. If you have to live with an energy vampire, make sure you have time to rest and restore your internal strength. Controlling emotions and constantly being in a state of indifferent perception is quite difficult. But remember that anxiety deprives you of sleep and makes you worry for weeks or months. Therefore, take care of yourself in order to later repel psychological onslaughts.
How to recognize a hypocrite?
Intuitively, we all have a good sense of who hypocrites are, but there are a number of signs that instantly indicate the insincerity of the person in front of you:
- Tendency to gossip
. If a completely friendly interlocutor at some point begins to say nasty things about mutual friends, know that he will say the same thing about you behind your back. What kind of sincerity are we talking about here? - Ingratiating yourself with those in power
. As soon as someone influential, popular or higher in rank appears in the field of view, does the acquaintance's behavior change to servile and flattering? Probably such a two-faced person seeks to gain some benefit from someone else’s status. - Unkept promises
. You can easily and quickly win the favor of others by promising them all sorts of benefits. Having received momentary recognition, the undertaken obligations must be fulfilled. This is what hypocritical politicians often do. - A strained smile and tension in the voice
. Feigned friendliness can be seen in a smile, in which only the lips smile, but not the eyes.
Where does hypocrisy occur?
You can encounter hypocrisy anywhere, for example:
- In trade
. Advertising, marketing gimmicks, online sales and pyramid schemes are all filled with hypocrisy. Convincing the consumer that your product is very necessary and the best on the market is a talent that has little to do with sincerity. - In politics
. They say that there is no place for principles in this area; only momentary interest rules there. The struggle for voters in the election race and the neglect of their needs after the elections clearly show us who the hypocritical politician is. - At work
. Intrigue and the struggle to move up the career ladder with feigned friendliness - who is unfamiliar with this? - In the immediate vicinity
, unfortunately. An insincere person can also be found among loved ones, having been admitted there through negligence. Such people provide us with bitter experience, but also teach us not to make mistakes in the future.
