A 4-year-old child does not obey at all and throws tantrums

Despite the fact that the child’s 3-year-old crisis has passed, parents are often faced with aggressive behavior in children aged 4 or 5 years. At this age, the process of forming active speech has already completed, and the child’s consciousness is able to go beyond the limits of perceived reality. The right hemisphere and the centers of spatial analysis and synthesis are developing. This subsequently contributes to learning mathematics, reading and writing.

Children aged 4-5 years have an urgent need for movement. And if their motor activity is not satisfied, they quickly become overexcited, begin to be capricious and disobey. This can lead to aggression. However, this is not the only reason! Therefore, let's take a closer look at the situation when aggression occurs in a 4 or 5 year old child, and find out what to do to normalize communication with others.

Main reasons

Tantrums in 4-year-old children are normal at this age. Children develop many desires and interests, which often differ from the understanding of adults. If a child fails to achieve his goal, then he tends to experience feelings of anger and irritation. Therefore, we can conclude that the main cause of hysterics is disagreements with adults.

Let's consider the situations that most often provoke the whims of a baby:

The desire to attract maximum attention to your person.
The desire to receive something important and necessary.
Inability to express your dissatisfaction verbally.
Lack of sleep, fatigue and hunger.
Disease or condition after it.
Enhanced adult supervision.
Strict parental control over the child.
Lack of a clear attitude towards the baby’s positive and negative actions.
Mistakes made while raising a child.
A break from an entertaining and interesting activity.
Weak or unbalanced nervous system of the child.
An unfinished system of rewards and punishments in the child’s family.

Tantrums in a 4-year-old child and the reasons that cause them are most often associated with the above situations. Faced with the whims of children, parents do not always understand how to behave correctly in such cases, and only want the kids to calm down as quickly as possible, satisfying their demands.

Children's tantrums quite often throw adults out of balance. Parents should understand that much depends on their behavior and reaction in such situations, namely, whether the tantrums will last for years or cease to exist after several unsuccessful attempts. In practice, it has been found that adults who are indifferent and calm to children's whims are more likely to achieve positive results in the fight against such manifestations.

Symptoms of a nervous disorder in a child

Nervous diseases can manifest themselves at any age, but the increased risk occurs during periods of age-related crises:

3-4 years;
6-7 years;
13-18 years old.

At a young age, a child cannot always tell what is bothering him. During this period, parents should be alert to such uncharacteristic signs as:

Frequent whims and irritability;
Fast fatiguability;
Increased emotionality and vulnerability;
Stubbornness and protests;
Feeling of constant tension and discomfort;
Closedness.

The child may begin to experience difficulties with speech, even if up to this time he had a good vocabulary. He may also begin to show interest in one particular area: playing with only one toy, reading only one book, drawing the same shapes. Moreover, his games become a real reality for him, so parents can notice how passionate the child is at this time. He can fantasize a lot and really believe in his fantasies. If you have such symptoms, it is recommended to undergo psychological diagnostics with a child psychologist; this will be especially important to do this a year before school.

When a child attends school, he or she may additionally exhibit symptoms such as:

Decreased appetite;
Sleep disturbance;
Dizziness;
Frequent overwork.

It is difficult for a child to concentrate and perform mental activity to the fullest.

Symptoms of nervous disorders in adolescent children are the most severe. An unstable psyche during this period leads to the fact that they may experience:

Impulsiveness. Even little things can make them angry;
Feeling of constant anxiety and fear;
Fear of surrounding people;
Self-hatred. Often teenagers dislike their own appearance;
Frequent insomnia;
Hallucinations.

Physiological manifestations may include severe headaches, abnormal blood pressure, signs of asthma, etc. The worst thing is that in the absence of timely treatment, a disturbed psyche can cause suicidal thoughts.

Mom help me

What is the essence of the occurrence of hysterics in a 4-year-old child?

The fact is that children at this age tend to tantrum not because of “I want”, but because of resentment. And a cry with tears is a banal appeal to mommy for help, since negative emotions overwhelm the baby to such an extent that he is unable to cope with them on his own. In this case, it is very important to help the child understand the current situation.

To do this, you need to find out information from him about what happened, what he was afraid of, and give advice on how to behave. It would be useful to explain that this can be solved and give some recommendations. Some parents adhere to the rule: children will figure it out themselves. But if the baby came to his mother for help, it means he needs it. Sending him back and advising him to solve the problem on his own is the same as betraying him. And this is very bad for the future development of the child’s personality.

How to fight?

What is hysteria in a 4 year old child? What to do in this situation? Before moving on to the issue of combating this phenomenon, it is necessary to understand the essence of such concepts as “hysteria” and “whims”. It is common to resort to the latter children deliberately in order to obtain what is desired or impossible, as well as what is forbidden for them at a given moment in time. Whims, as well as hysterics, are accompanied by crying, screaming, stamping feet and throwing toys or other improvised objects. Often they are impossible to implement. They usually manifest themselves in a reluctance to go to kindergarten or for a walk, and also when the baby demands candy and other sweets.

Hysteria refers to an involuntary form of expression of emotions. Often this condition in a child can be accompanied by loud crying, scratching his face and beating his fists against a wall or table. Situations often arise when the baby experiences uncontrollable convulsions, in which the baby tends to arch over.

Parents should take into account that children's tantrums are a strong emotional shock, which is further reinforced by feelings of irritation, despair and aggression. During this condition, it is very difficult for children to control themselves, which is why some may begin to bang their heads against a wall or floor without feeling pain. Hysterics tend to intensify with the attention of others. They will quickly stop after the interest of other people in this process disappears.

A 4-year-old child throws tantrums

As mentioned above, this reaction often occurs due to the erroneous behavior of adults in such situations. Most often, such children do not know the word “no”, since often everything is allowed and permitted by their relatives.

Kids at this age are very smart and observant. They know very well that if mom forbids it, then you can approach grandma or dad with the same request, they probably won’t refuse. To prevent such situations from arising, you should determine a list of permitted and prohibited things with all family members. Try to adhere to a common opinion and be consistent in raising your baby. That is, if mom forbade it, then the rest should also adhere to this position.

Cause for concern

Constant hysterics of a child at 4 years old may signal possible problems with his nervous system. It is necessary to contact a neurologist if:

Hysterics are repeated very often, turning into an aggressive form of behavior.
In the baby they continue to occur for a long time.
During attacks, a child causes damage to himself and those around him.
Periodically, during whims, the baby loses consciousness and holds his breath.
Hysterical attacks are especially acute during night sleep. They may be accompanied by serious mood swings, fears and nightmares.
The state of hysteria ends with vomiting and shortness of breath. After which the baby may become tired.

If the child’s health is in perfect order, then the reason lies in family relationships, as well as in the reactions of relatives and people close to them to the behavior of the baby. In the fight against such conditions, it is very important to remain calm and self-controlled. Be patient with your child. Try to find compromises. Many of the whims and hysterics of children can be prevented if the cause of their occurrence is found out in a timely manner.

How to behave if your child doesn't listen

It is very important for mom and dad to understand that the baby is already an adult, which means they should treat him completely differently. What was not allowed for a child at 3 years old becomes permitted at 4 years old. Let’s consider the main nuances of upbringing at the age of 4 years.

Prohibitions.

The child begins to assimilate norms of behavior and morality, and for this he must not only know what is permissible and what is forbidden, but also understand why this is not possible. In a word, the mother needs to explain why this should not be done, because the baby is already an adult and is able to understand what consequences his actions will cause. When a child does not obey at all, formulate prohibitions correctly. They must be clear and logical.

Reference! You should not use vocabulary that is difficult for children to understand. For example, you can say: “We are going outside, we need to get dressed before so as not to freeze.” Agree that this formulation is better than “let’s go outside, and quickly get dressed!”

At the same time, there are a number of phrases that parents are not recommended to say in relation to children.

Punishments.

If a child indulges, disobeys and violates prohibitions, punishments are applied to him that are equivalent to the crime.

ATTENTION ! Physical punishment is not encouraged by psychologists.

Remember that you are more important

A 4-year-old child doesn’t listen? Your baby's tantrums should not affect you as if you were under his influence. Remember that you are the one raising your child, not him raising you.

If you need to mind your own business, and the child screams and won’t let you go, go and work. The baby, of course, will cry and scream. Unfortunately, this cannot be avoided. But over time, he will understand what is required of him. According to child psychology, the best parent is the one who uses his strength to care for his own baby, and knows how to do it correctly.

Think about your child's future

When a 4-year-old child throws tantrums, it is not always easy for parents to remain calm. Most adults tend to feel like a bad mother or father at such moments. Despite all the rules and peculiarities of raising children, you must rely on your intuition. And if at the moment you think that the application of the rule “the parent should be in charge” is inappropriate, then do not follow it. But remember that there is no need to abuse such weaknesses.

Sometimes you can talk to your child for 15 minutes when he won't let you go. But only if such hysterics do not occur regularly after the next conversation. Try not to tense up inside yourself.

Reacting to the tantrums of 3-4 year old children is like putting out a fire that has already broken out. The art of parents is not to fight the whims of the child, but to prevent such situations from arising in the future.

What cannot be done in the fight against whims?

If your child is naughty, you are ready to do anything to rehabilitate him. Never pinch your baby. At an early age, children begin to actively explore the world. It’s normal to grab whatever they find interesting. You shouldn't get angry and take away your phone, keys, or your neighbor's car. Your task is to explain simply and clearly what is yours and what is someone else’s. The same applies to the concepts “impossible, dangerous” and “possible”.

Sometimes you can use the following "educational trick":

he grabbed your phone;
you take his favorite toy;
offer an exchange;
Explain that you don’t need to take your mother’s phone without permission.

Never indulge your child's whims. If you decide to buy a doll after the hysteria has been thrown, turn around and leave; you should not respond to his actions in a state of whim. Children grasp information on the fly, this applies even to a 2-year-old child. If it worked once, it will work the next time. This cannot be allowed to happen, otherwise you will have to seriously think about what to do next. Children quickly understand everything; a 5-year-old child can already achieve a lot from his parents if they indulge his whims.

When turning off the TV or computer, offer an alternative activity. If you don't switch your attention, the child will start screaming and crying. As a result, it will be easier for you to give up, and he will remember what helped him achieve what he wanted.

If your child is over 3 years old, switch places. This technique is assessed by psychologists as not pedagogical, but effective. Just behave the same way, respond in the same tone as him, stomp your feet, cry, demand. You just need to do this in such a way as not to scare the baby. Usually children quickly understand what is required of them and understand how to behave. They begin to accept the game, whims fade into the background. This method is also effective for children 5 years of age.

Most psychologists say that a naughty child should not be punished. Especially if you prefer to be spanked on the butt or immediately put in a corner. At the moment when he begins to cry, whine and scream, his state can no longer be called emotionally stable, so punishment is unlikely to have an effect.

Punishment is also contraindicated in cases where you cannot understand the reason for the child’s whims. Perhaps there is a problem that needs to be resolved, help the baby, feed him or put him to sleep. If you raise your voice, he becomes more nervous and even afraid. Here we are no longer talking about any education. Never forget that you need to speak calmly to your child and try to understand him.

Tags:Caprice

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Advice from psychologists

Tantrums in children 4–5 years old require correct behavior on the part of parents in response to such whims.

There are several actions that are contraindicated for parents in such situations:

When hysterical, under no circumstances should the child's wishes be fulfilled. Of course, this action will calm the baby, but soon everything will happen again, but along the well-trodden path.
You should not argue with your child, much less tease him.
Do not raise your tone, as this will not calm the baby, but will only increase hysteria and anger.
Do not punish or reward your child. Try to make your whims go unnoticed.
Do not take the words of a child in this state too seriously, since during a hysteria he can say anything without thinking about the meaning and consequences of what he said.
If the attack happened in front of other people, you should not shame him in front of them. The little manipulator realizes that you are inferior to him in front of those around you, and soon hysterics may begin to recur in public places.
You should not involve the whims of others in the process, then the baby will understand that his tears have no effect on anyone, and the performance will quickly end.

To help parents

If your child is constantly stubborn and does everything the opposite, do not react emotionally to such manifestations of the crisis. Keep your emotions under control.

When offering something to your child, create the impression of an imaginary choice.
Stick to a clear daily routine.
In education, do not contradict yourself.
Do not demand from the baby what you cannot do yourself.
Start to gradually let go of your baby, give him more independence in everyday life.
Do not sort things out in the presence of a child.

The main thing is not to let the baby manipulate you with hysterics, threats, and screams. Don't indulge every whim. But some leniency is still necessary.

It should be remembered that the 4-year-old crisis passes faster in children if their self-esteem is above average. Therefore, adults must certainly support their offspring in all his endeavors.

How to stop quickly

A child is hysterical at 4 years old: what to do? In different situations you can react completely differently. But it is better to adhere to the following recommendations:

If the hysteria occurred in a public place, then it is necessary to show your indifference to such behavior of the baby.
In moments of anger and hysterics, children do not tend to realize what is happening to them. The mother needs to try to explain this condition and the reasons for its occurrence to the child as clearly as possible.
You should not categorically refuse a child anything when it is possible to explain in detail the reasons for this. Children over three years old tend to understand adults. Therefore, it is much easier to calm the baby.
You can predict the situation in advance. For example, you are going to the store, try to explain to your baby that you won’t be able to buy a toy today, since there is no such opportunity yet.

It is quite possible to cope with the whims of a child aged 4 years without serious consequences for his psyche. But before taking categorical measures, you should understand the reasons for the occurrence of this condition, and only then move on to searching for methods of struggle. Communication with the baby should be on a confidential level, and not by demonstrating the undeniable authority of the parent. But we must remember the rule in which the adult is more important. Of course, this is a rather fine line between leadership and trust, but nevertheless, it should be respected.

How to raise a boy without a father?

It is a misconception that only a father can raise a real man. What really matters is the quality of parenting, not who is doing it. Single mothers do not always raise their sons to be weaklings and losers. However, boys are quite detrimentally influenced by alcoholic fathers, tyrants, parasites, etc. Psychologists do not see the connection between what gender a parent should be in order to raise a son to be a real man. However, the importance of approaches in education is noted.

Not every woman can guarantee her unborn child that his father will remain by their side. There are frequent cases when future fathers leave women, leaving them in an interesting situation. How then to raise a boy to be a real man? Naturally, before the eyes of the son there should be a living example of a man whom he will look up to. If that example is not the father, then he must be found. It could be a neighbor, a grandfather, a friend, another man, etc. If the son and the other man establish a good bond with each other, then the boy will try to be like him.

You can send your son to the “men’s” section or to a place where there will be a lot of men. This also compensates for the lack of a father.

Don't try to replace a father who is not with his son. It is better to cultivate independence in him from childhood. If he doesn't succeed the first time, let him try again after analyzing the errors.
Don't scold, don't babysit, don't encourage the boy's whims. Don't treat him like a pathetic creature who was deprived of his father's attention.
The son should be praised with the same words that apply to men (protector, breadwinner, etc.).
You should put yourself in the role of a “weak woman” so that your son fulfills roles and responsibilities where he shows strength (like a real man).

Protracted crisis

We have reviewed all the necessary information regarding hysteria in a 4-year-old child and advice from a psychologist. But it is worth dwelling on one more point. There is a concept of prolonged hysteria, which requires more detailed consideration, since such a condition can lead to serious problems.

What do psychologists advise in this case:

Try to prevent whims and hysterics from occurring. If your child’s day has been very eventful and filled with emotions, then bathe the baby as early as possible and put him to bed. You can offer chamomile herbal tea.
Try to distract your baby during this state. Offer to look at the book, pictures, etc. Say something that can influence him and also distract him.
Spectators often contribute to hysterics. In such situations, it is necessary to remain alone with the child in silence for about three minutes. Then you can talk to him quietly and confidently, turning your attention to foreign things or objects.
Feeling lonely. Children over two years old are not afraid in a familiar environment alone. Therefore, during the next whims or hysterics, leave the child to sit for 4-5 minutes in a separate room and think about his behavior.
Control yourself. Remember that the child is going through a stage of growing up and it is very difficult for him now. For the first time he is faced with a huge flow of emotions and tries to fight them. And very often such a fight leads to hysterics.
Do not fuel such states with analysis. Avoid statements such as “it’s your own fault,” “I told you that you can’t do that,” “it’s because you didn’t listen to me.”
Be consistent in your words and actions. As mentioned earlier, the main culprits in children's tantrums are their parents. At first they allow them everything, and then suddenly bans appear. Or, for example, mom prohibits it, but grandma or dad allows it. In such situations, a child very quickly learns to manipulate, and the simplest method in this case is to throw a tantrum. Therefore, it is so important to discuss in advance with all family members what the baby can do and what not.

Talk to your child, regardless of his age. You can discuss everything after the baby calms down. The baby must understand the true reasons why he cannot get what he wants here and now.

Treatment

Treatment in each case is selected individually. It may include measures in one or several areas at once: taking medications, psychological assistance, additional procedures.

Drugs

Children are not always treated with drug therapy. The doctor must, based on the diagnostic results, determine the need for medications. If the child really needs them, then the following may be indicated:

Sedatives. Most of them are of plant origin, so they do not harm the child’s body. Their effect is to reduce the child’s emotional stress. They also help normalize sleep;
Drugs that improve blood circulation in the brain area. Such medications have a beneficial effect on the condition of blood vessels, expanding and providing them with nutrition;
Antipsychotic medications. Necessary to rid the child of obsessive fears and increased anxiety;
Tranquilizers. They also belong to the group of sedatives, but have a more pronounced effect. Eliminate emotional tension and have a relaxing effect. Sleep, as a rule, becomes deeper and more sound;
Calcium-containing complexes. They make up for the lack of this element in the child’s body, which has a positive effect on the state of his nervous system and brain function.

Family psychotherapy

A visit to a child psychologist forms the basis of treatment for most nervous disorders in a child. At the appointment, the specialist tries to find out from the patient what exactly worries him, scares him or makes him nervous. In this case, the psychologist must establish the most confidential contact with the child. If necessary, work is carried out with parents.

In addition to working with the child’s inner world, it is also important to create conditions for his life. He must have a normal daily routine, adequate sleep of at least 8 hours a day, a healthy diet, as well as a balanced amount of work and rest.

ethnoscience

All folk remedies aimed at eliminating signs of a nervous disorder in a child involve taking herbal remedies that have a sedative effect. The most popular methods are:

Motherwort tincture. Dry herbs are brewed with boiling water and filtered through cheesecloth. Take this remedy 1-2 teaspoon 3 times a day. Not recommended for children under 7 years of age;
Valerian tincture. In this case, boiling water is poured over the crushed root of the plant. Drink the strained product 1 teaspoon 3-4 times a day;
Chamomile decoction. Dried flowers are brewed with boiling water and then left for 3 hours. Even infants can drink this decoction. If there are neurological disorders, the child is recommended to drink up to 150 ml per day.

It is important to pay attention to the fact that herbs can cause allergic reactions, so you should first make sure that the child is not intolerant to them.

Source: MamaZdorova.ru