Today, a psychological problem, namely, fear of communicating with people and lack of self-confidence, occurs quite often among people of different ages and gender characteristics. Many of them wonder how they can increase their self-esteem, become bolder, and begin to believe in themselves and their capabilities? Psychologists note that many people have fear of society due to overwork and high demands on themselves due to competition.
In addition, many people have similar problems during childhood, when the child’s psyche is so shaky and unstable that the slightest failure can lead to withdrawal. Therefore, experts note that every child needs to be taught to overcome their complexes. And even in adulthood, such a problem as fear of communicating with people can be completely solved if you choose the right methods.
What is the fear of communicating with people called?
Psychologists, first of all, note that fear of communication can be a completely normal phenomenon in different circumstances and areas of life. But if it is a phobia, we are talking about an obsession, and such a problem already needs treatment by a certain specialist. Before you try to overcome fear, you need to understand the essence of the problem, its causes and characteristic manifestations, as well as its sources and related factors.
Fear of communicating with people is scientifically called homilophobia, when a person experiences fear not only of communicating with an enemy or an unpleasant opponent, but also of all people in general. Often fear consumes a person so much that the mere thought of getting close to another person sends him into panic mode.
Often such people spend most of their time alone in their apartment or house, rarely going outside. Women or men with such a phobia are not able to join the team; they even find it difficult to go out into society to buy food and necessary things. Many of them still go to work or somewhere else, but at such a distance from other people that they do not allow anyone to encroach on their personal space.
Expert opinion
Victor Brenz
Psychologist and self-development expert
Homilophobia is a phobia of communicating with people, which in most cases is formed from childhood against the background of psychological trauma, fear, severe resentment or even violence. This term should not be confused with anthropophobia, that is, fear of people in general.
Behaviors that “feed” social anxiety
A person builds behavior based on the ways of thinking with which he is accustomed to living. However, experts state that the result of communication directly depends on the declared behavioral line of the interlocutor. Certain behaviors will only make things worse by fueling social anxiety.
The thought of a known risk in any communication is intrusive and shapes defensive behavior. The desire to talk only with people from the “safe” group is a desire not to leave a comfortable state where there is no danger.
Is leaving your comfort zone a good thing?
The feeling of anxiety forces one to avoid life situations that seem dangerous to a person. The same thing happens with people. However, the result will be even greater fear. Temporarily a person makes his life easier by eliminating sources of risk, but in the end the anxiety does not go away, but is only “muffled” without giving a voice. It is difficult, but it is worth actually checking all the risks that a person is exposed to from situations and people that have become the subject of his ignoring. In practice, neither fainting from excitement nor stuttering will occur.
Seven Natural and Effective Ways to Reduce Anxiety Without Side Effects
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The task of overcoming fear is to try to gain experience of a different nature. So, it’s worth challenging yourself and going to a celebration of an event where it was previously not possible to go. Neither avoid, nor evade an answer or look, but like a swimmer, overcoming the flow of water, move along a given trajectory. An advantage is the internal pronunciation of ongoing events, but only their description, not analysis.
Reasons for development
To decide how to overcome the fear of communicating with people, you first need to understand the reasons for the development of such a phobia. Homilophobia is accompanied by a person’s reluctance to communicate with strangers of different genders and ages, even with children. The main reason is the fear of incorrectly formulating thoughts, and against this background, the fear of being ridiculed by your opponent.
Psychologists name several of the most common causes of homilophobia:
- unfounded criticism of the child from friends, parents, other relatives or classmates;
- a tendency to start conversations poorly and make fun of such embarrassing situations;
- unsuccessful performance in public;
- excessive sensitivity to public opinion;
- speech disorders, such as stuttering or burring;
- receiving unflattering responses and opinions from people around you;
- childhood psychological trauma;
- child abuse.
All the negative emotions experienced can so wound the child’s psyche that the child simply withdraws into himself, deciding not to trust anyone else .
If you do not notice such changes in a child’s behavior immediately, in adult life he will distance himself from all people, which will lead to constant worries and stress.
I'm not the only one...
Hollywood actress Kim Basinger suffered from fear of communication. It's hard to believe, but in her youth she wore baggy clothes so as not to attract attention to herself, while other girls walked around in bikinis. And at the Oscar ceremony, she was speechless, although she had been rehearsing her performance for a week. Her fears subsided only after treatment with a psychotherapist and the birth of her daughter.
British poet and singer Nick Drake was treated for social anxiety with antidepressants and died at the age of 26 from an overdose. Fans of his music say that shyness and inability to communicate with people and interact with the public were the reasons that he did not realize his talent at all, although he recorded three albums that are called masterpieces. During his rare concerts, he looked at the floor and did not even try to establish contact with the audience. One day it happened that he left the stage right in the middle of the second song, and soon he completely shut himself off from the world, almost never leaving the house.
The famous actor Jim Carrey, one of the highest paid comedians, managed to overcome the fear of communication. Now it’s hard to imagine that he was so shy and timid that no one wanted to communicate with him. He says about himself that if it weren’t for working on his character, he would have remained an outsider.
Signs of a phobia
In order for a specialist to determine what to do in a particular case, it is important to ask for help in a timely manner. And for this, a phobia should be identified in a timely manner by its characteristic signs and symptoms.
Do you know how to cope with your fear of people?
Not really
Symptoms of homilophobia may include the following:
- acceleration of heartbeat;
- sudden dry mouth;
- mumbling during communication and incoherent speech;
- violation of facial expressions;
- severe redness of the skin;
- atypical reaction to providing moral support.
These symptoms are superficial and generally accepted, since each person is individual and may react differently. Some people have such a strong lack of confidence before communicating that all the signs appear at once, while others only have some of the items on the list.
Important! The longer a person remains inactive rather than trying to get rid of the phobia, the more strongly he will react to the stimulus in the future.
What thoughts contribute to social anxiety?
Remember what thoughts usually come to your mind before you need to talk to a stranger, read a report in public, or approach a store clerk with a question. You haven’t even said a single word yet, and your inner voice whispers: “Now you will disgrace yourself, as always. If you can’t express your thoughts coherently, you will be considered a fool.” Immediately, the heart jumping out of the chest and palms wet with fear rush to thoughts “to help.” The person you need to contact has not yet guessed anything. But you are already sure that he definitely noticed your excitement and is mocking you in your heart. And at this moment you are not able to even admit the thought that it could be otherwise.
“Self-defense” in communicating with people
As a form of self-defense, people experiencing social anxiety usually choose the following methods:
Contacts with “safe” people.
You can only have conversations with people you are confident in (parents or relatives, old acquaintances). With them you feel protected, there are no signs of anxiety (stuttering, trembling), or fear of being misunderstood.
Conversations on “safe” topics.
Naturally, conversations with strangers or unfamiliar people cannot be avoided. However, you try your best to reduce the dialogue to a discussion of general topics (about the weather, for example).
Trying to avoid situations that fill you with fear.
Let's say at work you are used to carrying out instructions from your superiors conscientiously, without shying away from difficult tasks. However, every time before an upcoming corporate event, your temperature supposedly rises or there is a need to go to relatives in another city (by the way, such situations can really attract you). Thus, you don’t attend a party, don’t make hateful toasts, and don’t go dancing on wobbly legs. But as a result, you are even more afraid, because your colleagues probably guessed about the deception.
How to overcome the fear of communicating with people?
A qualified psychologist can tell you how to overcome the fear of communication. A big step towards solving the problem is to identify its cause and eradicate it. Experts note that techniques for getting rid of the fear of communication will be effective at any age of the patient. Several techniques are used for this:
- Progressive planning . How to overcome the fear of communication? In fact, you can reduce the degree of fear and tension if you plan your communication in advance. If you replay the conversation scenario in your head many times or visualize the conversation scenario, you can eventually understand that everything is not as scary and complicated as it seems at first glance.
- Disregard . Fear and anxiety before communicating with any person or in general is usually due to the fact that the person himself attaches too much importance to it. You just have to let the problem go, relax, try to approach the matter more simply, and the stiffness and tightness will immediately go away.
- Learn to relax . Fears and stress are the result of overstrain of the nervous system, as a result of which it becomes difficult to do anything. Therefore, relaxation and proper rest are important.
- Awareness of the case . Preparing for an upcoming conversation by gathering the right information can significantly improve your self-confidence.
- Autotraining . If you learn this technique, that is, focusing on certain desires, articulating your goals and desires, pronouncing them in an affirmative form, after some time a person will become more self-confident.
- Repetition . A person just needs to do those things and actions that he does best. These can be handmade gifts for loved ones, creativity and much more.
- Positive attitude . In any situation, you need to look for your advantages and concentrate purely on them.
Psychologists also note that you should never rely on the opinions of other people; your own should always be a priority. You need to respect yourself, your life, develop and learn new things all the time in order to discover new abilities and talents.
Three principles for overcoming anxiety
The desire to achieve success must always be supported by specific actions in its sequence. Thus, psychologists have identified the leading principles, adhering to which it will be possible to cope with this “illness.”
Accepting full responsibility for your path means acting as a guarantor of your own happiness in the future. Reading useful conclusions from books, visiting a psychologist's office, gossiping from friends - all this is a set of rules that do not allow you to change anything on your own. It is a person who, as he gains personal experience, is able to help himself.
Showing courage by challenging yourself guarantees overcoming anxiety and fear of society. Each time you will have to question your established opinion, your formed position. Hypotheses about freedom of communication can only be confirmed through tests, for which it is better to enlist masculinity.
Perseverance must be exercised while developing patience. You will need a lot of it, because on the way to the goal you will have to experience awkwardness somewhere, not cope with a wave of embarrassment, not form a thought and not put it into speech, not start a conversation on your own initiative. And you shouldn’t despair: it’s better to understand that such flaws are an inevitable fact during your first steps.
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How to get rid of androphobia?
Psychologists also separately consider such types of fears as the fear of communicating with girls or men. Androphobia is a female phobia accompanied by a fear of men. The main key to successfully combating the problem is its recognition and full awareness, since many women tend to mistake androphobia for feminism. Interestingly, fear of men can be observed not only in women, but also in men themselves.
To cure a phobia, two aspects of successful treatment are important - identifying the object of the phobia, the patient admitting his fear and talking openly about it. The course of treatment will consist of two stages - taking medications, be they antipsychotics, antidepressants or beta blockers, as well as a course of therapy with a psychotherapist. Most often, the patient is brought “face to face” with fear until the degree of anxiety subsides. Next, a habit is developed and adequate behavior patterns are formed.
Ways to overcome
There are many ways to overcome anxiety. Their combined use is most effective:
- physical exercise;
- a daily routine that includes adequate sleep and a balanced diet;
- immersion in your inner world, but without soul-searching;
- physical activity adequate to age, state of health, time of year;
- proper distribution of work and rest time;
- receiving pleasant emotions in sufficient quantities;
- control over your emotions.
The last point is one of the most important that you need to learn in order to remove strong anxiety.
Internal work on yourself
You need to have an idea of how to deal with anxiety in moments when emotions run high. It all depends on the person, how he can calm himself, because the effect on the body comes through the brain, he needs:
- relax the muscles;
- breathe correctly - exhale slower than inhale;
- convince yourself that everything is fine;
- turn on logic, sorting out your fear;
- show willpower by telling yourself not to worry;
- mentally draw pleasant pictures - imaginary or real memories that help take your mind off what is happening.
Practical recommendations for communication
Every person can learn to cope with anxiety, but there are individual ways to solve the problem. General options:
- a detailed analysis of the situation, which should be carried out in advance;
- Remember, the ultimate goal is to convey information when stage fright often occurs;
- emotional acceleration is a psychological technique that allows you to correlate your emotions with the destructive elements that need to be curbed;
- remembering obstacles that have already been overcome is especially useful for athletes.
Often a person suffers from attacks of anxiety when communicating with people, which cannot be calmed down. A few simple rules will help overcome the problem:
- take a break from what is happening for a minute and turn your attention to something else - look out the window;
- if you have to communicate with a single interlocutor, then it is recommended to imagine him in an absurd situation and the fear will disappear;
- pause while speaking in front of a crowd;
- remember past successful performances;
- realize your right to make a mistake - nothing bad will happen.
Exercises
There are several useful techniques to help control anxiety:
- breathing exercises to even out your breathing;
- bend and straighten your fingers, and if possible, your toes;
- stretch the body so that all muscles relax;
- shake the facial muscles to improve facial expressions;
- make sounds that clear your voice.
It must be remembered that anxiety is an indicator that allows you to see problems in the emotional sphere. But you shouldn’t worry too much about their presence, aggravating the condition. Now there are many techniques that neutralize anxiety.
Speech fear in people who stutter: how to overcome it?
A problem that is often observed is a persistent fear of verbal communication in people who stutter, which in medical practice is called logophobia. Due to such a lack of speech as stuttering, over time a person develops a feeling of unsuccessful conversation, as a result of which a decision is made to remain silent altogether. You can overcome the problem yourself using several methods:
- during a conversation, it is important to look your opponent straight in the eyes and not look away;
- During the conversation, it is important to take a deep breath and exhale, and you need to start speaking directly as you exhale, placing emphasis on the first syllable;
- if you can’t speak on the way out, you don’t need to force yourself, there’s no need to rush into a conversation;
- If you manage to make the main speech without hesitation, you can calmly speak further.
You can also visit a psychotherapist to determine the causes of such a phobia. If these are psychological traumas from childhood, isolation, low self-esteem and other disorders, he will help you get rid of them using his methods.
Causes
Many studies have been conducted on this topic at different times. As a result, psychologists have come to the conclusion that the root cause of uncertainty is:
Criticism
This is not about constructive criticism, when shortcomings are carefully pointed out to us. Problems arise due to harsh, rude criticism, when not only shortcomings are pointed out, but all this is exaggerated and put on show. It is almost impossible to withstand such pressure without losses;
Bullying
Refers to school age. It is there that the child encounters the inappropriate behavior of other children and withdraws into himself so that there is less ridicule. Trust in people after this, in mathematical terms, tends to zero;
Inability to build a dialogue with the opposite sex
For girls, this problem appears if their dad is strict and despotic. For boys - if similar character traits were inherent in the mother;
Unsuccessful performance in the past
Remember! There are different things in life, so if you made a mistake somewhere once, this does not mean that the next time everything will happen again!
Shyness
Not all people are the same in character. For some it is easier to establish contacts, for others it is more difficult. But shyness is not a reason to be rejected. Just need a little more confidence!
Inability to formulate your thoughts
If this is the problem, then the person needs to read more. This way, over time, the skill will develop and it will become easier to say what you think beautifully.
As you already understand, the appearance of shyness or uncertainty often comes from childhood. If there are fears about communicating, but you can fight them, then the likelihood of coping with the fear on your own is high.
If communication with other people is painful for you and requires preparation, then it is recommended to consult a specialist.
Signs of social phobia
Fear of communication is expressed by a variety of physical, psychological and behavioral symptoms. Depending on the strength of the fear, a person may experience anxiety or suffer a panic attack. In addition, the following symptoms of phobia are common:
- increased heart rate;
- feeling of a lump in the throat;
- problems with speech (tremor in the voice, stuttering, etc.);
- muscle tension;
- increased sweating;
- dizziness and headache.
And often the patient experiences problems with the gastrointestinal tract. He may experience nausea or intestinal cramps.
Depending on the degree of fear, the patient may experience one or several symptoms at the same time. The more pronounced the signs, the more difficult it is for the individual to contact people.
In adults
The manifestation of social phobia in adulthood can have a different character. Often the patient avoids unwanted contacts with friends, relatives, colleagues or strangers. When coming face to face with people, the patient experiences fear, which predetermines the appearance of physical, behavioral and psychological symptoms.
An individual may fearfully escape from a conversation, finding a safe place at home, at a workplace, etc. But if it is not possible to escape from fear, nor to overcome it, the patient is consumed by a feeling of panic. Due to the start of a conversation with an opponent, his consciousness becomes clouded. The patient cannot think rationally and conduct a dialogue correctly. Such events can cause misunderstandings among the interlocutor.
In children
Fear of communication in children is an even more common problem. The fact is that improper upbringing of a child can cause problems to appear in adolescence, during puberty. Boys and girls who change in appearance create complexes for themselves that turn out to be very difficult to overcome on their own in the future.
But, most often, social phobia arises at school, when a child enters a new social group that is unfamiliar to him. Problems with psychological adaptation occur in more than 50% of all students, but only a few turn to a psychologist for help. The result of inaction by the child himself, his parents and teachers can be:
- student's reluctance to go to school;
- lack of desire to communicate with peers;
- fear of contact with the teacher;
- refusal to speak publicly (at the blackboard).
Such a phobia arises from the fear of strangers, communication with them and a certain creation of a new social role.
Problems in communication with peers, answers at the board, conversations with the teacher, etc., are a reaction to the student’s poor adaptation, his fear of doing something that he will later regret, experiencing a feeling of shame.
A student may be afraid of a change in his social role or a decline in his authority among classmates.
Fear of the teacher and reluctance to go to school are consequences of an untreated disorder
Why are people afraid of communicating with others?
Social phobia is the fear of communicative influence. The contact itself, which causes the patient to feel panic and anxiety, can be of a different nature. Some patients find it difficult to talk with unfamiliar people, while others find it difficult to meet girls (guys). Some people completely avoid any contact with relatives, friends and colleagues. They experience fear of everyone around them, close themselves off and become prisoners of their own home, which they consider the safest place.
Depending on the type of social phobia, fear of communication may have various reasons for its occurrence. According to psychologists, the most common causes of social phobia lie in childhood experiences and grievances. Self-doubt and shyness are direct signs indicating the presence of a phobia. Fear may arise from the desire to communicate with peers who do not want to let a new person into their social circle. It may also be due to excessive criticism from parents.
The appearance of the problem in adulthood is also possible. More often, such a phobia is experienced by individuals who have experienced certain traumatic events or by those people who, due to some circumstances, are forced to have little communication with others. Both women and men can become hostage to social phobia. Signs of fear are found in young mothers on maternity leave, housewives, pensioners, etc. Patients experience a lack of communicative interaction, which is why a fear of communication develops.
How to Eliminate Everyday Social Stress
In mild cases, solving the problem yourself is possible. Experts recommend that if you experience stress from communicating with another person, you should take a number of measures.
Controlling your intonation
Experts say that an insecure person speaks uncertainly, quietly, and stumbling. Fortunately, the rule works well in the opposite direction. If a person imagines himself as a confident and strong person, portrays the voice and intonation of a strong person, such behavior will increase self-confidence!
Eliminating harmful people from your life
If a certain person regularly provokes an outburst of negative emotions, such a person must be excluded from the social circle. Of course, this rule will not apply to relatives.
Changing your reactions
If the connection with certain people cannot be stopped, it is worth changing the reaction to the behavior of such individuals. For example, a person comes to you with negative emotions and speaks in a raised voice. In this case, it is worth warning that you will talk to him when he calms down.
Loyalty to your beliefs and needs
Stress often arises from the inability to refuse others’ requests, especially if this occurs to the detriment of oneself. As a result, a person becomes that same horse, carrying everything on his shoulders. Hence the stress. It is important to remember to prioritize your own needs. Psychologists recommend in such cases to perform the exercise: “If I loved myself.” It will be useful for people who do not know how to say “No.” Experts recommend asking yourself this question in every situation that has several development options. And act as if the person loved himself.
