The relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is almost always not rosy. Especially if a young family has to live in or near the husband's house. That is why the daughter-in-law often wonders what to do if she is fed up with her mother-in-law and how to deal with her, especially when the husband follows his mother’s lead and constantly listens to her in everything. Psychologists give a lot of advice on this topic, each of which is suitable for a specific situation.
Anecdotes are created from life
Throughout life, each person tries on many different roles. And the conflict between “fathers and sons”, “daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law” becomes not only the cause of many jokes, but also quite serious conflicts, which often end very sadly. At first glance, it seems that you can find a common language with any person and your mother-in-law can also become a friend. However, in most cases, it happens that a young family breaks up due to numerous scandals between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, before they even have time to take place.
Most often, girls turn to psychologists with the question of whether it is possible to live peacefully with their mother-in-law. The specialists' response is a positive statement. To do this, the daughter-in-law should learn to respect the age of her husband’s mother and reconsider her views on the relationship with her, if it is impossible to change her herself.
How to protect yourself from quarrels with your mother-in-law
This conspiracy against the mother-in-law works even if carried out at a distance. This is usually required when the spouse's mother lives in another city, but still has the habit of visiting you from time to time. And at every such meeting, a conflict inevitably occurs.
For the ritual you will need a glass of water, three church candles and the face of a saint.
The plot needs to be read on the icon that is closest to you!
We light candles, place them next to the icon, place water here and say:
“Help me, Heavenly Father, help me, saints! I ask for help, I pray for help! I ask not for myself alone, but for my whole family! How quiet the river is in the morning, so quiet and calm that the servant of God (name) becomes, because no one can have a normal life with her! Let it be as I ask! Amen!"
Then the water should be divided into three parts, given to the mother-in-law and husband to drink, and the third part to yourself.
Causes of the Cold War
In most cases, girls are prepared in advance for war with their future mother-in-law. After all, their friends tell a lot of horror stories that could not help but be deposited in her head. Having not yet met a person, she already at the level of intuition begins to wage a hidden struggle with the mother of her future husband.
However, you should not believe jokes and stories from friends. After all, a woman you hate so much can become a wonderful friend and turn out to be a very pleasant person. There are cases where these two women do not oppose each other, but rather try to take care of the person they both love.
There are also cases when a couple breaks up, but the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law maintain friendly relations for many years and congratulate each other on holidays, go to visit and help if necessary. Therefore, you should not prepare in advance for a battle with someone you are not yet familiar with.
The art of getting is from God
If your mother-in-law is annoying you, then you should look at the root of the problem.
Most likely, this is ordinary and banal jealousy. She raised her son, loved, cared for and cherished, but she has to give him to the one she sees for the first time. And his love and attention will have to be shared with someone. The time he previously spent with her will now be spent with the one he loves. At the psychological level, it is very difficult for a mother to experience this, but if she is a wise woman, she will try to build a relationship with her daughter-in-law so that she becomes a friend for her. Letting her son go from her skirt is not easy for any mother, only she knows exactly what her son loves, in which corner his favorite slippers should be and what his favorite dish is. This is what becomes the reason for constant nagging, annoying advice and even evil ridicule of the incompetent daughter-in-law. And what is especially offensive is that the husband in most cases takes the side of his beloved mother. All this leads to the development of a permanent conflict , from which no one will be able to get out without losses.
General recommendations on what to do if your mother-in-law is a monster:
- Do NOT conflict under any circumstances! If an evil woman constantly terrorizes you and provokes scandals, be patient and do not enter into conflict! She strives with all her might to attract her son’s attention, to prove to him that SHE is the most necessary woman in his life! Remember that if your mother-in-law pesters you, then first of all she wants to show her son that SHE is a good fairy, and YOU are an evil gargoyle. Turn the game in your favor and let your husband see that it is his mother who is playing a dark game. If you make a row with her, then your husband will begin to blame you for the problems and tension in the family (his mother comes first anyway - this is a fact and a law of life). Ignore her nagging, if she starts screaming, ignore her. “You’re a slob and don’t know how to clean the floors properly!” - OK! I'm a slob and I don't know how to wash floors... Communicate with your mother-in-law evenly, without sarcasm or irony. Ignore any attacks directed at you! If you are meek, your husband will see that you are sweet and poor Cinderella, and his mother is terrorizing you. So that!
- Show her that you accept her utmost importance to her son = your husband. You must do your best to make it clear to your mother-in-law that you accept that she is the FIRST LADY) You do not claim the pedestal and the main ladle at the stove) Your compliance will help here. It is also important in this regard to take care of her in small things: remind your husband to buy pills/top up his mobile phone account/buy a new string bag... “FOR YOUR MOM.” So the whole family will see that you are gold and meekness itself... That’s it!
- Compliment your mother-in-law. Even in the most evil mother-in-law you can find a ray of light. To get along with your mother-in-law, it is useful to find the good that is in her and compliment her. For example, she really cooks deliciously - praise her dishes (in front of your husband, in front of guests, alone with her). Ask her to teach you how to cook some dishes that your husband = her son likes. If she looks good at any moment - LIKE! I dyed my hair - LIKE! I bought a new bag - LIKE! It's been tested - even the most monstrous women can do this!
- Dress code "Nun style". Catch your mother-in-law's eye in an extremely discreet outfit and make-up. It’s clear that if you live with her, then you need to be especially careful in choosing your wardrobe: so as not to piss off the old lady and preserve sexuality and your own style - it’s difficult, but doable. If you are forced to live with your mother-in-law, have a couple of modest jackets/raincoats/down jackets for leaving and entering the house. You can wear whatever you want under the top - just wear a “gray skin” in your room) If you wear piercings, have tattoos, and so on - take off the first, cover up the second when in contact with your mother-in-law.
- NEVER CRITICIZE YOUR HUSBAND IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS. Even if you are not happy with your spouse’s behavior, it is better to speak good things about HIM in front of people from HIS entourage - especially in front of your mother-in-law.
- Put 110%... no 200% effort into moving out and living on your own. Naturally, points No. 1-4 can only be performed for a short period of time - otherwise you will turn into a mini-copy of an evil mother-in-law (a nightmare prospect for a young lady) or go completely crazy. Therefore, in order to improve relations with your mother-in-law, or rather, to rid yourself and your family of her company and claims, you need to move by any means!
Peace is better than war
When starting your family life, try to live separately from your husband’s parents. Even if they have:
- huge apartment;
- Vacation home;
- villa.
Even if your first family nest is small and not as comfortable as you want, it will be just your home. Everything in it will be yours, the kitchen and all the objects in it will belong entirely to you. Relatives are good, but when they come to visit once a week, and do not try to harm, offend and point out all the shortcomings every day. And on the territory of a daughter-in-law or mother-in-law, it will be difficult to behave like a boss - she is just a guest here.
In case of conflicts, you should be the first to reach a truce . After all, your dignity will not suffer from this, and your mother-in-law will appreciate such an act.
It would be useful to try to put yourself in the place of your husband’s mother. This will be much easier to do if you have a son. While he is small, he belongs only to you. But several years will pass and he will also bring into the house a girl whom he decides to marry. It seems worth rejoicing, but my heart is sad. After all, now he will not be only yours. And then you will start to worry that she doesn’t know how to do something. Therefore, you should try to understand your mother-in-law, because soon you will also become someone’s mother-in-law.
Svekra.ru
1) Destruction of the enemy’s infrastructure in any form (rail war, destruction of communication lines, high-voltage lines, poisoning and destruction of water pipelines, wells, etc.)
No problem. My mother-in-law doesn’t have rails, let’s move on. She uses the connection. Two mobile phones (note that I even have one). Always charging in turns in the kitchen. The battery is opened and a little moisture is applied under the SIM card. All is ready. Mother-in-law is hysterical. Phones are being repaired. A couple of days without her calls. Lovely. further. ~poisoning and destruction of water pipes and wells~ is also very easy. Take her smelly herbal decoction. A little purgen is added there. Mom is busy all day - she sits on a porcelain throne - there is no time for nonsense.
2) Information war (dissemination of correct and incorrect information in oral (rumors, radio broadcasts) or printed (leaflets, newspapers, networks) form in order to win over the local population and (less often) the enemy himself to one’s side).
Actually, it couldn't be easier. Everywhere you go, you try to mention your mother-in-law. eg I went to the tax office on business and met a woman I knew there. She asked where I caught that cold. I honestly said that my mother-in-law constantly turns off the boiler (and it’s getting cold here) and I’m endlessly freezing. Of course, word by word. It turns out that she even knows her. Needless to say, she was very surprised by my stories... I think she will tell someone else... And we have a small city. Everyone knows everyone. Here you can diversify with neighbors, mutual acquaintances, relatives (if they are neutral, so to speak). My rat, for example, is very dependent on public opinion, and tries in every possible way to convince everyone that she is an angel in the flesh. Now, let them know what angels do for fun in their spare time.
3)Destruction of enemy personnel.
What is the “living power” of a mother-in-law? This is her mental ability to create hemorrhoids out of the blue. This is her unused mental energy that splashes out on us, daughters-in-law, in order to destroy our lives with its toxins. This is the vocabulary briefcase that is always with her. This is a nuclear reactor that feeds on our nerves. Sometimes I even imagine her dancing in her room and shouting “I’ve got a power” to Snap. and meanwhile I’m sobbing into my pillow... Everything needs to change! The visor and muzzle are put on like a brick. All her rotten comments are ignored. You react calmly to her dirty tricks (you just do the same nasty things to her in return). Don’t worry, don’t fidget, don’t worry, don’t cry, don’t freak out. (well, in extreme cases, not in front of her). If there is an opportunity to leave, go away, close yourself, close yourself, put on an invisible hat, put it on. The main thing is to deprive the mother-in-law of “living power”. Anyone who believes in energy vampires will understand how this works. Again, my way. I am now demonstrating to my maser that I am a person of mood and behave the way I want (according to her principle). She tells me something, I remain silent in the wilderness. The next day she criticizes me again - I begin to loudly sing the anthem of the Soviet Union. She stands next to me, screaming, crucifying, I don’t care. And sometimes I talk to her (but now VERY calmly)... Never swear. I tell her “You are a genetically modified radish.” Believe me, this violates her paradigm of the world and I see how her brains are melting. Now I'm not the one who's nervous!!!
4) Terror against the enemy, the implementation of actions aimed at intimidation in any form (murder, throwing objects at enemy units with the inscription “It could have been a bomb,” etc.).
ABOUT! This is the best part. Well, murder, of course, is out of the question. In the literal sense of the word. But murderous actions in her direction - please, please! My mother-in-law does not hesitate and brazenly steals my things - she also lost something... She is suing us for moral damages - a counterclaim! She unscrews the plugs - I unscrew the light bulbs for her. He comes to my place at six in the morning and wakes me up, “Where’s the ketchup?” - I come to her at two in the morning, “Where is the mustard?” She doesn't like my flower in the kitchen; I don't like her painting in the hallway. Her dirty dishes accumulate for two days (I didn’t get hired as a dishwasher) - I increasingly forget to turn off the light in the toilet. (let her run - exercise is good for her). katrina
The secret of a great relationship
It doesn’t really matter whether you hate your mother-in-law or are simply being mischievous. And for a wonderful family relationship, it doesn’t matter whether she hates you or tenderly adores you. It is important here to build a wonderful family relationship with your husband away from your parents and his. Even if they promise you excellent living conditions and the opportunity to significantly save your family budget by living on their territory, you should not agree to this. You can get tired of each other quite quickly and it won’t be so difficult to bring even an ideal relationship to a scandal.
Regardless of whose parents you live with, your role is only that of a helper. But in your house or apartment you will become a real woman and housewife. You and your husband will be kings of sorts in your little world called “family.”
If you want to understand how to get rid of your mother-in-law forever and destroy the bone of discord, then you will have to talk with your husband. Try to convey to him in clear language the information that it is difficult for you to build a wonderful relationship with his mother alone. In addition, a woman alone will not be able to build an ideal family life and you really need your husband’s help.
Compete.
You should not share your husband with your mother-in-law. He is not the orange in the nursery rhyme that “only has one.” He is a grown man who chose you as his life partner. His mother has known him since the first days of his life, and his mother will always have a special place in his heart. And period.
You shouldn’t waste time and effort proving that you are more important/better/more important to him. You are both important, but you are on different levels. You are his beloved woman, wife, mother of his children; mother-in-law is a mother who will remain her no matter what, even if he stops communicating with her. You do not need to compete, because you cannot, and most importantly, should not take the place of his mother, and she will never replace you.
