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Every person considers himself imperfect. Everyone has a part of their body that they would like to change about themselves. This behavior indicates the presence of a complex. Nature has endowed man with an appearance that he must appreciate, whether he likes it or not. If this doesn’t work out, you need to find out how to get rid of complexes about your appearance.
Everyone can find flaws in their appearance
Origin of the complex
Many people are interested in what external complexes are. These are mental disorders that are aimed at a person’s appearance and his shortcomings. Exaggerating one's possible disadvantages makes a person very worried. She tries to avoid meeting with acquaintances and friends, because she is embarrassed to show herself. The complex is inherent in girls and women.
Many girls who have reached the age of 13-17 consider themselves ugly. Usually negativity is directed at some part of the body. For example, on the nose, extra pounds on the waist, ugly teeth, small breasts, protruding ears or acne on the skin. If someone makes a remark, the complex will increase several times. People who are not satisfied with their appearance are very worried. If someone told strangers about the presence of a problem or laughed because of protruding ears, the person’s mood will be ruined for several days, and resentment towards people will be felt for a long time. It all starts with small complexes, which over time develop into serious problems and mental illnesses. It is very important to start fighting them on time.
Girls often consider themselves ugly
How to raise a child without complexes?
A person who had a difficult childhood wants to give his children a better upbringing than the one he received from his parents. However, with the advent of his own children, he notices with horror that he is acting according to the schemes that his father or mother used. What will help? Only conscious learning and conscious self-education.
Read more: How to become a charismatic person
Tips for parents
Complexes appear in children from the age of two, when parents expect their child to meet their expectations, but do not take into account age characteristics. Often, the requirements for the baby are too high and inadequate. Children develop especially strong complexes at six or seven years old, when they start going to school, and also during adolescence.
- Parents form similar complexes in their children:
- The most common complex of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance: voice, height, body parts;
- If you notice signs of a complex in your baby, it is best to immediately contact a psychologist.
Actions of parents towards children that cause complexes: ridicule, criticism, insults, lack of faith in the child’s strength.
There are complexes that arise exclusively during school: the complexes of the excellent student, the poor student, the passive observer, the black sheep.
One way or another, all complexes are related to distorted self-esteem. To raise a healthy person, there must be an atmosphere of trust, support and approval in the family. A person must know that he is loved and accepted for who he is. Even if it doesn’t do everything perfectly and doesn’t meet anyone’s expectations. Achievements in school and outside activities should not be the criterion for loving your child.
Let's summarize
7 points on how to get rid of complexes:
- Determine what complexes you have and what trauma they are associated with. What is bothering you the most right now?
- Keep a diary. Write down your strengths. Which ones do you already have and which ones do you want to develop?
- Learn not to compare yourself to others. Your life is your life.
- Don't wait for approval. What you do will be done. What you don’t do won’t happen.
- Attend trainings, read books on a topic that worries you - this will help in your development and transformation. This can be a source of self-healing and inspiration.
- Communicate with healthy and successful people, learn from them, help them. This way you can see and adopt new, healthier patterns of behavior.
- Learn, mind your own business, develop as a person. Consciously shape your character. Set goals for yourself, solve your problems voluntarily.
Proper nutrition, physical activity, giving up bad habits and, as a result, increasing a person’s self-esteem will also help in the fight against complexes.
A deeper study of complexes is possible using NLP techniques, for example, a table of submodalities or 6-step reframing.
If necessary, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist in a timely manner.
Reasons for appearance
Almost all personality complexes come from childhood, this also applies to appearance complexes. Any remark, bad deed or word from adults towards children remains in the subconscious for a long time. These fears accumulate and increase in size. There are many reasons for the appearance of a complex about appearance.
Psychologists identify the main reason - this is the fear of possible ridicule from others. Not only appearance can cause general amusement, but also a person’s behavior itself. People try not to be seen by their acquaintances and friends. They will try to change their appearance and behavior just for the sake of friends, because they do not want to hear constant ridicule.
If a person experiences this almost every day, it is necessary to think not about changing his appearance, but about changing his social circle. Many acquaintances are simply not worth listening to, and some are not worth paying attention to at all.
People's opinions can also be dishonest. They may be seeking revenge or simply being jealous. In the heat of the moment, they say unpleasant words that make you think and cause complexes about your appearance. People who talk about negative aspects of their personality may themselves have complexes. You must first understand yourself and determine the cause of the problems. If this can be done, the person will understand that he came up with a lot for himself. And the complexes are just his fantasy. When the problems pass, they will disappear too.
Signs
To know how to get rid of complexes about appearance, you need to understand what the symptoms of this disease are. Its most famous features are:
- irritability for no reason;
- fear of new acquaintances;
- manifestation of increased attention to one’s own personality, others usually sympathize or get angry;
- arrogance, which serves as a defense against gossip and ridicule;
- great attention to expensive things;
- addiction to alcohol, which helps you feel normal;
- the need for acquaintances and friends to always compliment;
- self-humiliation, or humiliation of other individuals;
- transferring responsibility for oneself to another.
Signs of an inferiority complex
Inferiority complex
A person with an inferiority complex is prone to excessive self-criticism, a negative perception of himself as an individual, and self-deprecation.
A person is completely sure that the people around him are more beautiful, smarter, have a good figure, well-developed muscles, and have good body proportions. It seems to him that there is nothing to praise and love him for. A person who has this complex may be subject to other people's manipulations and pressure from other people. He is self-obsessed, constantly criticizes himself and feels insecure when around others. A person is determined to be reproached and humiliated.
Read further: How to become a psychologically strong person - 6 exercises
Signs of an inferiority complex
- Diffidence. A person is afraid to act. He does not understand what actions should be taken to achieve results. He considers himself not smart and talented enough, and does not believe in his own strength.
- Constant pressure. Due to lack of self-confidence, a person cannot cope with the situation and believes that he cannot change something on his own. This leads to additional worries, despondency, and emotional devastation.
- Increased self-criticism . A person constantly looks for flaws in himself and does not notice his merits. It seems to him that he is worse than others. Gradually, he becomes fixated on his experiences and stops noticing the good and interesting things that happen to him and around him.
- Belittling one's merits. Without seeing his strengths, a person sets himself up for failure in advance. He is sure that nothing will work out for him. Such a person expects only approval and support from others and, in order to receive it, abandons his needs and aspirations.
Treatment methods
To remove complexes about appearance, you can use any of the methods. The main thing is to choose a comfortable one. A person can try to get rid of a complex about appearance on his own or seek help from a specialist.
Self-treatment
There are several methods that will help a girl or young man begin to respect himself.
- Listen correctly and accept compliments. There is no need to look for cunning in every word; it may not actually exist.
- Start loving yourself. You need to not only listen to praise, but also give compliments to yourself or yourself.
- Adequately evaluate your actions. It is recommended to keep a diary in which you need to make entries every day.
- Refusal of privacy. Each person is endowed with an individual appearance that does not need to be hidden from others. Everyone has their own tastes.
- Heart-to-heart conversation with relatives. If the family begins to support a complex person, then he will have every chance of recovery.
- Stop comparing. Every person makes the same mistake - trying on the image of another person. If you become a copy of another person, self-esteem will not appear, and getting rid of a complex about appearance will be even more difficult.
- Open yourself to new perspectives. It is necessary to fight the fear of ridicule. It is also not recommended to listen to the advice of acquaintances and friends who do not want your life to sparkle with new colors.
- Start playing sports. Completely change your image.
- Learn to speak correctly and beautifully. But remember, sometimes it is better to say something ridiculous than to interfere in the conversation and talk non-stop.
- Just be positive. Choose friends who will lend a shoulder in difficult times.
You need to know that many people could not achieve success because of complexes about their appearance. But they set a goal for themselves and gradually moved towards it. And they were able to successfully overcome all the difficulties that stood in their way.
Help from psychologists
It is not always possible to get rid of complexes on your own. The help of a specialist is very important. Psychologists offer their own methods of eliminating the problem.
- If the complex comes from childhood, then it is better to carry out therapy simultaneously with the patient’s parents. Conversations and family training are great ways to cope with the problem.
- Not all people are friendly to each other. Treatment depends on the type of reaction towards envious people. Specialists help patients perceive negative people and their aggression as stupidity.
- During the training, psychologists give the patient the opportunity to talk with his offender, who is represented by any object. Afterwards, you can conduct therapy sessions yourself at home, talking to any inanimate object. A pet is perfect for training.
- Psychological test. The doctor asks the patient to take a piece of paper and divide it in half. Next, the patient indicates on the sheet the pros and cons of his character. After the session, the psychologist draws a conclusion and reveals the result to the patient. After that, paper with poor characteristics is cut into small pieces and burned. The patient gets rid of the negative, and rereads the positive qualities every day and memorizes them by heart.
How to get rid of complexes about appearance?
First of all, accept that you will never be able to please everyone. All people are different, which means everyone has different tastes, and everyone has their own standards of beauty, supported by life experience. It’s worth getting used to the fact that we will always be too fat or thin for someone. Also, for some we will be very attractive and even beautiful, while others will consider our appearance below average.
Of course, very often a person’s rejection is explained by non-compliance with beauty standards, especially if some appearance features are clearly expressed. And many girls dream of being just inconspicuous average people who do not have any special advantages, but at the same time they do not have any obvious shortcomings.
Usually these are the girls who are popular, because they look like everyone at the same time and no one in particular, so everyone likes them. But often they do not achieve success either in their professional or personal lives. Why? Because they are not remembered, do not sink into the soul, and do not stand out from others. Have you noticed that either very beautiful people or those who have obvious external flaws are constantly promoted. And for TV show hosts, actresses, and athletes, having a bright, but perhaps not at all ideal, appearance is a guarantee of success.
Think about how ordinary people and celebrities are painted. For ordinary people, make-up artists offer to bring the face to the standard accepted in society, carefully painting over the irregular oval of the face, uncomfortable nose, eye shape and increasing the size of the lips. When they paint actresses, they always focus on those features of appearance that distinguish them from others, because thanks to the gap between the teeth, the wide nose, and the special squinting of the eyes, the audience will remember her. You, too, probably want to be memorable, and not just stand on the sidelines all your life while all the most interesting things flash by. By the way, have you noticed how the appearance of actresses changes for the worse when plastic surgeons remove facial features that not only gave them recognition, but also a certain charm.
It is also worth paying attention to the fact that many appearance features are perceived ambiguously by different people. It seems like everyone should like banal dimples on their cheeks. But in reality, most people find them annoying and distasteful.
A person is designed in such a way that he makes many conclusions about a stranger based on his previous experience. Therefore, if you look very similar to the friend who beat off the guy or broke up the family, you will never be able to please, even if you are a professional model.
The women's world is a world of constant fierce competition, because men love with their eyes. Often the only chance for a less beautiful girl is to achieve being beautiful compared to someone else. Therefore, they can deliberately cultivate complexes in their friends or often advise them to make some kind of appearance transformations, which not only will not suit, but will often simply look ridiculous. It is very rare to meet a girl who will not compete with her immediate environment.
Therefore, it is worth considering if someone points out flaws in your appearance, if they are not associated with ordinary sloppiness and lack of care. After all, it’s one thing to make a remark to a friend that her hair could be washed more often, and another thing to constantly say that no one will marry you with such a nose. By the way, all girls have a chance to get married, because men tend to choose girls who look like their mothers as their life partners, and not every one of them has classic beauty.
You can see a lot of beautiful people in magazines and films, but behind their appearance there is the work of an entire army of makeup artists, costume designers, hairdressers and even plastic surgeons. Also, in the modern world, not only glossy photographs are photoshopped, but any frame in the film is subject to correction. Because stars are often photographed on the streets by paparazzi and immediately posted online, they are also subject to public censure for not being as perfect in real life as they are on screen.
Remember how you look is your personal choice. But how you are treated because of your appearance is other people's choice. It is impossible to force them to change their opinion about your appearance, because with the help of your body you position yourself to the world. There's nothing you can do about it. Very often it is appearance that is the determining factor; in the modern world, not everyone has the time and opportunity to get acquainted with the inner world of another person. Very often, a girl who is overweight is ashamed to go out, but is too lazy to go to the gym. Here you need to prioritize what is more important: psychological comfort from contemplating your image in the mirror or physical comfort from the feeling of delicious food and lack of soreness after exercise in the gym.
Never think that you are just so ugly, and everyone else around you is perfect. After all, if desired, a flaw can be found in any person. Do you know what plastic surgeons really think? They believe that if an organ fully performs its assigned functions, then it is ideal. Therefore, in reality there are no standards. Simply blindly following standards is their livelihood, so they are glad that everyone believes in them.
Also, by judging other people, others increase their own importance. After all, devaluation helps them fight envy. Remember that everyone who makes fun of other people's shortcomings is very worried about their own. And someone makes fun of their shortcomings too, just other people you don’t know. By the way, psychologists have noticed that most often people see in others the shortcomings that they themselves possess. They just disguise them more carefully and fight them more regularly. After all, very often it is girls who are prone to being overweight, who simply live in the gym in order to stay in shape, who constantly criticize fat women. Although logically, on the contrary, they should understand and support them. But such people are simply infuriated by the fact that someone can live without bothering too much, but they are forced to spend a lot of time, effort and money to please other people.
Of course, it is worth striving for a perfect appearance, the main thing is that during the pursuit of the ideal, youth with its parties, dates and crazy actions does not pass by. Nothing interesting usually happens in the gym. The main thing is to learn to never be ashamed of your body, but to sincerely love it, because, as you know, it is with the help of the body that a person receives most of the pleasures of life.
Remember that there will always be people around you who will look for flaws in your body. It is quite possible that someday you will also look for shortcomings in other people, especially if you envy them or they have done something bad to you. This is normal, this is how the human psyche works. No matter how loyal and tolerant you are towards others, prepare for the fact that this will still happen sooner or later.
Elena,
Consequences
It is often easier for people not to evaluate themselves than to begin to believe in themselves. As the symptoms of the complex begin to progress, the individual's behavior changes and can affect the family. As a result, the married couple will break up, and the notorious person will no longer be able to become happy: his terrible appearance led to divorce. If the patient does not love himself, then the people around him will not respect him. The search for one’s own negative qualities will lead a person to accept the problems that arise as a normal phenomenon.
Often people who feel indecisive about their own abilities remain lonely. They simply withdraw into themselves, after which they lose friends and loved ones.
If an appearance complex is accompanied by a superiority complex, then you can lose the trust of your relatives.
When the appearance complex reaches its final stage, mental trauma occurs. It can even drive a person to suicide. This way the patient will solve all his problems. If there is no acquaintance or relative nearby, then unauthorized death may occur. With a complex appearance, people often turn their plans into reality.
An untreated complex can cause divorce